Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it.

XXII.

- Water of Life -

It was torture to write with that pen. It was almost out of ink and it got on her nerves to have the nib pressed on the page constantly just so that she could write out the words. Words that she didn't even want to write down. She dropped the pen and raised her hands up to the light. The red traces around her wrists were exposed at all times and served as a reminder of the psychological brand they left.

That report was like putting salt in the wound.

She had to reiterate every moment of that nightmare she wanted to forget. Not that she wrote everything. It was more of a sketch. The whole picture she kept for herself. Such savagery she didn't think existed out there. All she saw was what Konoha gave her, what the hospital gave her, they were her world. The war was raging with its full palette of deprivation outside her constricted sphere of existence. War… gave the freedom humanity didn't need.

As she feared, freedom was most dangerous when limitless. Every twisted fantasy and darkest thought was permitted and the constructs of law no longer served as a shield to people who couldn't protect themselves. It was a darkness that devoured everyone and everything at waves, for months and years, and whoever wasn't prepared for it, suffered.

Freedom was the core reason for this war itself. Freedom of speech, freedom of being whatever fits you to be, freedom of clothing, freedom of choice. The selfishness of human desires was like a fathomless well. It only became darker and deeper with every step further. And it was the madness of the ego. The ego, that reigned and delighted in an endless fight for domination and uniqueness among the rest, was what brought this world to chaos. The bases of the morale disappeared quickly, one block after another because they proved to be useless in a society of strong individuals — each with a rightful sense of what's good and what is evil.

Sakura sighed.

What could one do against the current of millions, though? Not much. Fighting was for the fools, reconcilement for the cowards. She did not want to run against the current, but walking was fine by her.

Her gaze averted to the small prescription bottle on her desk. Kakashi gave it to her and asked if she knows anything about it and she blurted out that she didn't. The situation was such that if she had said yes he would've suspected her of illegal activities. Giving drugs to the soldiers without the captain knowing didn't appear flattering for herself so she answered negatively. Truth was, she was a tad surprised, but not completely unaware of the situation.

Reiterating the memories of every past encounter she has had with Sasuke, she did not remember him being in a possession of the drug. Although… she carried a bottle like this once. Many days ago, during the night in which they drank tea. Could it be? Did he steal the bottle?

Sakura was certain he didn't take the pills to kill pain or drown sorrow. The bottle should've been opened if so. But if that wasn't the case, why did he keep it to himself all this time without saying anything? The idea in her mind was more than ridiculous, but not entirely impossible. Perhaps it was her image he associated with that object.

Her hand reached for the small bottle and examined it, a slight blush coloring her pale cheeks. But soon a furrow changed her and darkened her features. If he threw it away, then that meant… she wasn't needed anymore. A lump tightened her throat at the thought. It wasn't like she didn't expect that moment to come, it was that she couldn't picture herself not needing him.

That cycle, the endless chase, how much was it until she gave up on it? How much was it going to last? Grown-ups didn't do any of this. They ended their relationships with a normal conversation. Her relationship with Sasuke looked nothing like what she thought she'd have. She chased, but he never stopped running. It only fell back on her when he needed a distraction; he chose her because she was the one who stood closest to him, not because he recognized her affection or had intentions of recognizing it.

He came and wrenched her heart out of her chest, and she was struck by the realization she'd rather have it wrenched from him, with his painful honesty and tyrannical silence, than have it kept in the sterile cage of someone else's flattery. Humans always became hypocritical when they want to satisfy the urges of their bodies. She's heard promises of all kinds, but the only one who didn't make one at all was Sasuke.

He shut her out, left her behind, started running again. Sakura left the morphine back on the desk and scanned the sheet of paper in front of her. She could wait, for him to come back. Waiting was in her power.

Knocking on the door startled her out of her thoughts.

"Come in."

Naruto dashed in, his expression nearly angry, but he went straight to her and forcefully pulled her out of the chair just so that he could hug her. Sakura was surprised at first, but then a smile curved on her lips. Warmth spread inside of her at the thought of how much she had missed these people. Even though she still didn't know them very well. Naruto had that strange air around him, as if he had so much love to give, but didn't know how to stifle it down to words and gestures as everyone else did.

"I didn't think I'd see you again," he backed away, murmuring.

"I can say the same," Sakura chuckled.

He shook his head, looking at her. The joy that previously gushed from his eyes was abated now, almost extinct. The flame was missing and tiredness had taken over it. Sakura gave him a wry smile. He probably didn't sleep, worrying about her and Sasuke. "You wanna come eat with us?" he said, at last. "Kakashi said he wants to tell us something important."

"Sure," Sakura nodded and followed him out of her tent.

The table was set when she and Naruto entered the dining facility. She wondered whether only the Elite Soldiers had a separate dining room like that or every platoon had one of its own. It was probably a privilege only for the Elite ones because she's heard other platoons just ate their meals in one big canteen, together. Silence fell as all of those familiar faces turned to meet her approaching form. Her heart rate increased with every second and she was forced to look down as she walked to her chair and sat on it, ignoring the persistent gazes headed her way. Naruto sat next to her and handed her a plate.

"Thank you," Sakura mouthed.

"Glad you're fine," Tenten spouted, breaking the silence.

Sakura looked up at her and found most of the faces around her still fixed on hers.

"Yeah," Temari continued.

"I apologize for the fuss I caused. Sorry for making you worry about me," Sakura let out an inconvenient laugh. "And thank you for saving me. I am forever grateful."

"It was only natural to go and look for you," Shikamaru shrugged from the other side of the table. "No big deal."

As the silence extended they ate the dinner in peace and Sakura was grateful to them for being tactful. She was almost certain everyone burned with curiosity and had tons of questions they wanted to ask her about her days of absence, but no one said a word about it. The atmosphere was calm and cordial, something she missed too.

After a while, quiet conversations replaced the silence and Sakura wondered whether to open a subject in particular, but decided not to just because Kakashi showed up and joined them. He looked absolutely drained. The voices ceased abruptly, jaws dropping low because his mask was not covering his face this time. Sakura and Naruto exchanged looks but no one dared speak for a long time. That sight was rare.

"You're late again," Naruto remarked, at last.

"Yes, I know. I received a phone call and an order."

"Yeah, right," Shikamaru intervened. "You mentioned one of those two a while ago. We're all ears."

Kakashi sighed, eyes nailed to the table. The heaviness in his eyes was discernable, even his slightly stooped posture gave him away. Sakura tensed, preparing for the bad news. "The platoon will return to Konoha for now, that's the order." The whole group relaxed back, relieved, but Sakura knew that wasn't all.

"And what about Sasuke?" Naruto asked, watching him in the eye.

"They were going to notice that he's missing anyway so I reported what he did before they start yelling at me for not telling them earlier. I didn't tell you guys the whole truth." Kakashi paused. "Sasuke came to me for permission before leaving and I refused to give him one."

"But he left anyway," Shikamaru raised a brow.

"Yes. He disobeyed me."

"What now? Was the phone call connected with him?"

"Sasuke has been announced a deserter," Kakashi entwined his hands on the table. "He'll be brought to trial when he's back. And if he's lucky he might get only a few months in prison. Konoha's judiciary is known to be merciless when it comes to deserters and rebels so there isn't much hope for a light sentence."

"Couldn't you just…" Naruto leaned on his hand, looking gloomy, "lie to them that you gave him the order to…"

"I tried," Kakashi cut him off. "But they assured me that there will be an interrogation after he's back. If they ask him for the truth, he'll tell the truth."

"I see," Shikamaru sighed. "Lying to the commanders complicates things a lot. You could end up in prison, too. If he made that decision, then he must be ready to take the consequences of it."

Sakura swallowed, eyes on the plate in front of her. In prison? For months? Didn't he know what he was going to bring upon himself with disobeying Kakashi like that? She knew he was determined to unravel the mystery around his brother, but was it worth it? There was another way but… a few survived living like that. Running away from the law, living a nomad life, far from authorities and their watchful eye.

Even if you were skilled at hunting and hiding, there were the outer dangers of being attacked by gangs, freezing to death if you find no shelter, or even dying from a simple disease because having no access to medicine of any kind was more than risky. Surrounding the order of their civilization required serious preparation and a certain type of mindset. Sasuke could pull that off, she mused. He was one to succeed in living like that. But was he going to prefer that life over the prison or would he prefer the prison instead?

"I sent him messages and tried calling him, but he never responded. I could dial him until yesterday, but now it says that his phone can't be reached," Naruto pouted. "Guess his battery's drained."

"Which means he's nowhere near a city and might be heading toward one," Kakashi took a breath. "Well, no matter. All of you are going back to Konoha in two days."

"You'll stay here."

"I am obliged to. My Second Lieutenant is missing."

With these words, he quit the serious talk and joined them in the dinner, but Sakura had a lot on her mind and wanted to talk with him in private. She didn't think she'd get a chance during the dinner. The solution she found was to seek him later.

Her appetite increased much more when she shared the meal with the others. She enjoyed the food as never before, remembering the torturing hunger she experienced just two days ago. The company was an important part, too. Sometimes she stopped eating, scanning the faces around her. When she came two weeks ago, she wasn't sure whether they accepted her as a part of them, but there was no doubt about it now. It was comforting to think about it that way, she had acquired the brothers and sisters she never had.

As her comrades got up and started cleaning up, she noticed Kakashi walking away.

"Go," Tenten's voice echoed next to her. "We'll take care of the stuff here."

"Thank you," Sakura turned to smile at her and hurried to catch up with her captain.

"Kakashi, can I talk to you for a moment?" Sakura touched his hand so that she could get his attention. He looked at her at once. "I know you're tired and… and want to rest." She felt her face a tad warmer when she noticed his vigilant eye set on her lips for a tad more than a second while she spoke. "I don't mean to cause you d-discomfort."

"You can talk with me. It's not a problem," Kakashi sighed. "Come."

They soon found themselves in front of Kakashi's tent and Sakura was glad to find that it was way warmer inside. The tents of the captains were a tad bigger than the ones medics had but this wasn't one she particularly liked. The smaller the better for her. Kakashi seemed to prefer order and simplicity, judging by the interior. Everything –— from his bed to his desk on the other side — was perfectly neat. Clothes, luggage, sheets of paper, and various personal belongings, including… some photos. Sakura averted her gaze from them before he could catch her staring.

"What's wrong? Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I just…" Sakura looked down, her cheeks reddening. "This is not about me. I want to… uh, wait until Sasuke returns." There was a pause in which neither of them moved. Sakura was afraid to look up at him so she kept murmuring under her breath. "I wondered if there's a loop in the law t-that would make that possible."

Ignoring her words, he handed her a small glass filled with something that looked like liquefied amber. She raised her eyes in wonder. Whiskey? That whiskey her comrades didn't stop talking about? "You are the only one who gets to taste it so make the most of it," Kakashi offered to tinkle his glass with hers, a half-smile on his face. "What shall we drink for?"

Sakura smiled at him and thought for a second before speaking. Her memory flashed back to a certain figure. "Kindness," she said, thoughtfully.

"Kindness, it is," he tinkled their glasses and they both took a sip.

The first impression she got was that she hardly felt a taste because the alcohol overtook it, but then an aftertaste of vanilla and a hint of something else followed… almonds? The sip was small, but it warmed her pleasantly. "Wow," Sakura laughed. "The legends were true."

Kakashi gave her a look before heading to the other side of the tent, to hide the bottle. "Glad you like it. That's all you'll get."

With a smile on her face, she used the time he was with his back to her to examine the photos on his desk from closer. She leaned in and discerned most of the faces. These were all photos of him with his colleagues. There was even one with Naruto, to her great surprise and one that intrigued her the most. It was an old photo of three: a cute girl that laughed in the middle, a black-haired boy to her right, and Kakashi himself, to her left. They were not more than twenty years old.

It seemed like the photo was supposed to be a serious one because they were all in military uniforms but the girl looked amused by her two companions, kissing her cheeks from both sides.

"Do you know where the word whiskey comes from?" Kakashi asked, from the far end.

"No," Sakura turned around and stepped quickly away, embarrassed to notice he was already looking at her.

"Monks invented the name," he neared her. "Usquebaugh. Which translates as water of life."

"Sounds like a convenient excuse an alcoholic would use," Sakura chuckled.

"Or a clever comeback in an argument with a doctor, yeah," Kakashi agreed and stopped next to her, taking another sip. "It's strong alcohol, though. Strong enough to make you forget about life. Weird name, but I could go with that interpretation."

"Kakashi, is what I'm asking for possible?" Sakura insisted, turning them back on the previous subject. He didn't like it, judging from the way he stirred.

"Well," he sighed, "...it is, but I'm not sure if I can defend you if higher ranks find out and make a problem out of it. Your mission is practically over and you're not supposed to stay here anymore. I can allow a maximum of ten days. After that, you must go back to Konoha."

"I know… but thank you, nevertheless," Sakura mumbled, happy with the fact that she's been given a whole week, but when she gathered the courage to look at him, eyes fixed on the photo she was interested in a minute ago. The pause extended and Sakura wondered if she wasn't intruding already so she gulped down the other mouthful in her glass and left the glass on the desk. A scoff came out of him as she saw that he reached for the photo.

"The situation seems complicated," Sakura commented evenly, unsure whether to use a humorous tone or not.

"It was," Kakashi took a deep breath and exhaled. "She loved him, I loved her and he was trying to not lose me as a close friend while kissing the hell out of her in front of me."

Sakura grimaced, imagining the scene.

"Truth was, I knew I had no chance and wanted them to be happy. We knew each other for so long, I didn't even mind them. But then he got shot," Kakashi paused. "Before he died he made me promise I'll take care of her."

Sakura looked up at him with dread. Her lips parted in horror.

"Yeah. I couldn't do that either," he sighed. "Hope they're somewhere together now and hope he's not very mad at me."

He returned the picture back on the desk, but Sakura was fighting tears. How could someone say all this with a straight face? He seemed absolutely unbothered. Kakashi put his hands in his pockets and was interrupted by Sakura's gesture. She squeezed her hands under his in an attempt to hug him, but he changed it up quickly, raising her chin to press his lips against hers.

Sakura let out her breath in astonishment and backed away, met by his warm smile. The spark in his eyes was different. That wasn't the fatherly, protective gaze he usually wore when his platoon was around, it was a spark of adoration, like the view brought him joy of some kind. His features were lit up by the sight of her. She was flustered and utterly confused.

"Apologies…" he said, without a drop of remorse in his voice. "I needed to do that."

"Before?"

"Letting you go," he chuckled. "I've known Sasuke for years. Whenever he targets something, nothing else in the world matters anymore."

Sakura blushed against her will, her eyes fell on the ground. Letting her go?

"I…" she withered at the thought, "…have reasons to believe he might want to cut me off from his life."

Kakashi scoffed.

"Yet you want to wait for him."

Sakura didn't know how to reply, looking at him with her lips parted. Her behavior held no logic, therefore it had no explanation. "I'm sorry but… I am… I just..."

He raised his hand to stop her. "It's fine. I understand perfectly. Don't worry."

Sakura furrowed. It was fair of her to… keep her distance, but somehow it didn't feel right to just leave his tent as if nothing happened. He deserved her gratitude, to say the least, and all she did was demand things from him. How cruel was that? But she couldn't reply to that kiss, it was going to be even crueler if she did because her heart was set on another.

"He must be heading for Amegakure," Kakashi broke the silence, startling her. "I think Itachi and his father used to visit the city a lot. Konoha's Police Department chased after quite a lot of criminals, but their tracks always faded when they reached the borders of Amegakure. That city's underworld is a nightmare. The criminal network there is thick, the numbers of murders and disappearances are too high," he made a pause, shifting to the other side of the tent once again. "Whether Itachi has been a part of that network or has aimed to destroy it, there must be people who have heard about him there. Sasuke surely knows that."

"I hope his desire to know the truth wouldn't break his heart in the end," Sakura sighed. "It seems to me that his bond with Itachi was very strong. He wouldn't take a betrayal from him lightly."

"That depends on Sasuke," Kakashi pulled out the bottle of whiskey once again and gestured her to come to him. "And what he'll find out. Are you in a hurry?"

"Uh... no," Sakura admitted. Going to her tent was not something she wanted to do right now, that was for sure. Continuing that dreadful report wasn't on her list of wishes for the night.

"Good." Kakashi sighed. "You want more whiskey?"

"Yeah," Sakura couldn't help but laugh.

"Tell me about your life in the hospital," he suggested. "Then I'll share something with you, whatever you like."

"I'd love to know what happened with that eye of yours, actually," Sakura took her glass and went to him.

Kakashi smiled. "It's a sad story."

"My favorite," Sakura whispered with a mirthless expression.

A/N: Thanks for reading and sorry for the delay, at least I passed all six of my exams!