Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it.

XXVIII.

- King of Sorrows, Queen of Hearts -

Sakura swore to end that friendship if she called one more time. Once a week was nice. Three times a week was touching. Fifteen times a week was neither. It's been two months and a half since she heard the news. Sasuke lay through his rightful sentence in Amegakure's prison, somewhere far and away from her and she had to wait two weeks more for them to even start allowing visits.

The days and nights have never been longer. She didn't bother Kakashi with many questions, certain that every word concerning Sasuke would hurt him. So she sat quiet, at home. He told her everything she needed to know: how he really went to that former police department, how they've barely managed to save him, how they've put him in prison right away so that no one could suspect anything.

Kakashi was allowed to visit him a few times, as a higher rank, but Sakura did not receive any details about those visits. As far as she knew, deserters would lay in prison for years. Kakashi told her they've shortened the sentence to a minimum because after an interrogation he's admitted he's had intentions of returning to his platoon. Which, Kakashi explained, put him in the AWL category. Absence without leave was the less harsh state than desertion. Overall, the situation was hazy for her.

"This is not helping, Ino," Sakura sighed, slowly resting her head on the table.

"You know what, I'm gonna come to your apartment, we'll watch a movie and I'll make you a big cup of hot chocolate, I just made one for Sai. I see him approaching me," Ino made a pause, muting the phone for a second. Sakura started playing with the end of the window curtain as she waited. Ino was not late. "I've put salt instead of sugar."

"Don't come. I want some silence, my head is buzzing. Bye," Sakura closed her eyes and left no time for her friend to reply, hanging up.

She let out a quiet moan. What was she supposed to do all this time? She didn't even know for sure whether they'll let her go back to Amegakure on any visit, given the even stricter regulations after that explosion. The anticipation was pooling in her stomach already. This apartment became utterly dull when she spent more than a few weeks in it. Looking back, now she thanked the heavens she accepted the job of a field medic. The job promised to bring the excitement she always seemed to crave after having enough of Konoha. But right now, a mission was not what she wanted.

With another sigh, Sakura stood from the chair and went to wash it in the kitchen. What time was it? She glanced back at the cute clock that hung over her bed frame on the other side of her vast dining room-and-bedroom into one. Still the early afternoon… so she could go for a quick walk without raising suspicion. The skies were dark, but it didn't scare her, she had an umbrella with her anyway. This time, she left her phone at home… and only took her wallet. In fact, the only thing she took was the umbrella. Like hell she'd let Ino call her and ruin her precious moments alone.

Sakura put her coat on and locked her apartment, hurrying down the stairs. Hands in her pockets, she realized she hadn't been for a walk in a long while and it was a shame she didn't go out more. True, Konoha's winters were full of horrible wind and dust and annoying drizzles that got on her nerves… and she was mostly in the mood of laying in her bed, curled under blankets, reading or thinking.

She shook her head. Walking was way healthier. That she lacked the drive to move was another matter. Also, neurology books were her guilty pleasure.

The blow of the wind ascended a whirl of leaves in front of her when she opened the door to the street and stepped out. But as she raised her eyes to follow their flight with a small smile on her lips, her breath ceased and her motions froze. There was a spasm-like sensation, like a wave that went through her and weakened her at once. And her heart suddenly dipped into exhaustion and pain and longing.

He had crossed the street, why stop there, at the very entrance?

Sakura wasn't sure whether to give away her presence just yet. It was like a weight-cavalry waged against her and she was all alone. Unarmed and unprepared. Her eyes watered, but she stood tall, determined to fight against the weakness. He was nothing like what she remembered last, this version was hollow-cheeked and leaner, and overall tired. Very tired. Whatever they did with him in that prison, had left a mark. There was something different, too. His hair was longer.

Sasuke was in heavy doubt, staring down and thinking about something with his characteristic intent. She swallowed down the lump in her throat and took the few steps to him, closing the distance between them. She had to smile, she had to, but her face remained expressionless. A mild shudder of surprise went through him when she stopped in front of him, meeting his eyes unapologetically.

"How long have you been standing here?" Sakura asked, eyeing his worn-out and way too thin for that weather clothing.

He ignored her eyes with inconvenience, taking short breaths as if the question required some major concentration. "A few hours."

Sakura's lips parted open in horror. "How many, exactly?"

"I don't know."

Sakura had to use her sleeve to brush those stubborn tears that welled up in her eyes against her will. Alright. Worse things happened, didn't bring her down. She could handle this much. She reached for his hand and entwined it with hers, slowly pulling him back up to her apartment. Took her a bit of a struggle to unlock the door only with one hand, but letting him go was out of the question. There was uneasiness inside of him like he wanted to stay away from her, but her grip was stronger than that desire.

Sakura pushed the door open, at last, and shut it after they entered, letting him go. Sasuke looked around as she leaned her back on the door and observed his odd reaction. His eyes scanned the space around them for a quick estimation. She missed that military tic, Naruto did it once when he came to visit her. Scouting unknown areas for possible exits or threats as if her apartment could ever hold a danger of any kind. He searched for something or… someone. Another figure?

"Are you coming straight from the…" Sakura dropped the last word as she surrounded him and walked to the kitchen counter, leaving the keys on it.

"Yes."

"Kakashi brought you?"

"Yes."

There was a brief pause before she decided to speak again, voice shaking. Her hands automatically started tidying up the glasses and the boxes in front of her into a new order. "I thought—" Her voice broke off badly and she pursed her lips to calm down. "I thought you'd need to serve a m-much longer sentence."

"They let me out on bail. Kakashi took care of everything."

Sakura closed her eyes for a moment, thanking all things divine for Kakashi and his kind heart. Tears fell from her eyes, but she covered them with both hands. She tried to take a breath over the overwhelming feeling of gratitude. She probably didn't deserve half of this happiness. Quiet footsteps neared her and she shook with a barely-suppressed sob.

"Sakura," Sasuke pulled her and she leaned on him, trembling. "Don't cry."

"I wanted to hear your voice for so long," she whispered, fist grabbing the matter of his shirt in a slight panic. "And when they told me I will never hear it again I didn't know what to do."

Sasuke raised her chin and looked at her, waiting as she gradually lost the fear in her eyes and acquired a healthy dose of pink on her cheeks. She blinked, backing away a bit.

"You look weird like that," Sakura admitted, scanning his scruffy appearance. "Don't they give haircuts to the prisoners?"

"Not really," he sighed.

"I have scissors." Sakura chuckled, gesturing at the bathroom. "And warm water."

He observed her for a while, the furrow only deepening. She knew he wouldn't share if she didn't coerce him to. At recalling the fact that he's been hanging outside her apartment for who knows how long her heart spasmed again. "Are you... okay? What is it?" She peered into his eyes with concern. "Are you hungry? I have plenty of food." she could have until she decided to remain silent, in hope that he'd speak his mind. She felt uneasy about it. Since he walked in it's been like walking over thin ice.

"I'm here because I have nothing now and you're the only one who'd—" he stopped abruptly, frightened by the crack in his voice. Sakura was struck by the unexpected urge to let him fall deeper into his own deadlock because he was so delightfully bad at emotions and that flicker of helplessness gave to his eyes a new charm.

"Who'd what?" Sakura whispered.

He took a deep breath and stared right into her. "Forgive me."

Sakura tilted her head.

"Is that why you stood outside for so long? You thought I won't let you inside because you don't deserve to be here?" She paused, putting a finger on her lips in thought. Sasuke withered with her every word. She thought she'd have her small revenge fulfilled as gracefully as it began. She gave a few dramatic blinks too, "That it's fair if I leave you outside, for everything you did?" He looked at her, with humility she had never seen before, waiting like a punished child. She loved that look so much. Defeat. Resignation. Especially guilt. They both knew neither of the categories in which he excelled her mattered now. "...and I deserve to be with someone else? Someone better?"

He pouted at her. So what? He could say nothing. Do nothing.

Laughter came out of her and lifted off her invincibility. She didn't usually enjoy making people suffer, but this was an exception. The way he still looked at her, the way he nailed on her mouth when she laughed like he was having a divine revelation while listening to her... it convinced her that playing or not, their states wouldn't change. He'd always seek her mercy. She'd always grant it because the love she had for him was gushing over.

Sakura heaved a sigh and stood on her tiptoes, aiming to get her face as close as she could to his. Then she reached for his face and lifted a lock of his raven hair up in the air, amused by his complete lack of response. "Go take a shower. I'll prepare something we can eat. I'm hungry too. Deal?" She looked into his eyes with anticipation and was glad to see the tension in them gradually abating until it dissolved completely. He nodded.

Whatever had happened during their time apart, the making up could be postponed for now. Sakura didn't even wait for him to head for the bathroom to remove her coat and get on with checking her fridge. She still had from the ramen soup Naruto brought her yesterday. He was overjoyed with the news of Sasuke's resurrection and since then he visited her quite a lot.

He mentioned that ramen soup is his favorite food, of all time, and she definitely had to taste it once in her life and since they were celebrating the good news every chance they got she invited him over so that they could both prepare it together. Naruto was a bit more enthusiastic about the soup than he had to, but overall the evening went perfect, the ramen was delicious. They talked about food and then the subjects rolled one by one, and they soon found themselves drinking alcohol and laughing at stupid jokes with the moon already up high in the sky.

Sakura decided to warm the soup up, pulling it out of the fridge.

She hadn't laughed like that in such a long time. Naruto was always so bright and she remembered hugging him on his way out of her apartment, thanking him for lending some of his undying hope. Such people were so rare that she felt blessed to know him.

By the time she put her own cup on the small table behind her, Sasuke was finished with his shower and came to join her. As he sat across her, she wondered how they ended up eating dinner in her apartment after everything that they went through. He, with his wet hair and unrecognizable humbleness and she, radiant with joy and just as in love as she has always been.

She had to admit, the humbleness didn't really suit him. He was so aristocratic, in so many ways, that she had grown used to his arrogance, taking it as a permanent trait of his. Not that this Sasuke was less extraordinary or less intriguing for her, it just left an impression in her that he was different now. She wondered if he found out the truth about his brother, but didn't ask.

They were eating in silence when she caught something in-between, in the absence of his movements, the heavy thoughts he was wandering into since they started… He was visibly restless and desperate in trying to fight it, but the suspense was still there, between them, like a heavy block of stone. Sakura stopped eating at one time, noticing that he gripped the spoon with unusual strength and didn't move for one long moment before he left it on the table. It was a strange thing to do.

"What did Kakashi mean with she's been through a lot, be gentle with her?" Sasuke finally broke the silence, looking up.

Sakura raised a brow. Unusual question. "I don't know. Why?"

"What happened while I was away? Why do you have so many sedatives in your bathroom?"

"Nothing. I just, uh…" Sakura shrugged, trying to find words. "I-I missed you and…"

Perhaps he agreed with her answer, at first, but then he furrowed. "There's something more. What is it?"

"Nothing," Sakura gave out a nervous, breathy laugh. What was with him? She missed this feeling, of his magnetic black eyes pinpointed at her with a painful strain to them like she required all their power. "I just mourned you, it was… an awful experience f-for me."

Sasuke leaned in and grabbed her hand, the motion causing her sleeve to fall down a bit and reveal a circular scar around her delicate wrist. Sakura gasped at the suddenness of it, feeling her head whirl for a moment, but she made no sound while he inspected the scar and then released her just as sharply as he grabbed her.

"Who was it?"

The pause extended as Sakura's expression darkened with every passing second. Her lips opened a few times before she could form any words. "Akatsuki. They... they abducted me the night you left."

"What did they do to you?" his firm voice echoed unnaturally in the small space of her apartment.

Sakura slowly raised her head to meet his eyes. He wasn't looking at her, though his expression was far from tranquil. The tension was everywhere, his jaw was clenched and he didn't blink at all, staring intensely at a point in the table.

"Let's not talk about this," Sakura suggested, the bitterness in her tone destroying any attempt to sound cheerful.

"What do you want us to talk about? The weather? Tell me what they did to you," Sasuke demanded, raising his voice.

Sakura looked at her hands and hurried to clench them in fists so that they'd stop shaking. It had a little effect. At least her expression remained calm as she forced herself to remain calm. He finally faced her, anger simmering in his eyes. Sakura swallowed, giving him a wry smile in hopes that it'd appease him in some way. A funny thought.

"Uh, they… they…" her voice rapidly lost its power and faltered, and with it, her eyes watered, escaping his right away. She couldn't possibly take the shame of that truth and look at him in the eye as she did it. "Some of them tortured me... and some of them raped me. Took turns." There. She said it out loud. Freed herself of it. Why did it have to scare her that much? Was that truth worth her life and her happiness stolen away from her? Did it have to define her? No… but nightmares and visions still haunted her and only medications helped there. The silent tears fell down her cheeks.

He accused her of being naive. Of dreaming without having seen anything from the war. Well, she dreamed on. The war didn't break her. The thought of losing him did.

The continuous silence bothered her all the more so she gathered the courage to look up again. Wonder changed her expression at once, noticing the heavy glimmer in Sasuke's eyes. She couldn't quite tell if he was on the edge of breaking down mentally or those were just ireful tears. Perhaps both. His breathing quickened gradually, his skin getting slightly paler. He looked… sick.

He stood up sharply and disappeared from her sight, leaving her at a loss. A few seconds she stood there, staring at the empty chair before her and failing to comprehend the situation. Was he disgusted? Or he hadn't expected it? The click of the front door pulled Sakura out of her daze.

Did he just leave?

She stood up, trailing him at a slow pace. With every step, her heart became heavier and she began questioning if she really wanted to catch up with him. She didn't even know how to read his actions. What if he didn't want to be with her at all after hearing that? Why was he so… upset? It's not like he had anywhere else to go. Naruto lived on the other side of the city.

She ran down the stairs of the block of flats and got out in the street, eyes hopelessly searching for Sasuke. He was already far when she called his name and ran to him as quickly as she managed. "Wait… Sasuke! Please... wait!"

"What?"

She touched his hand, flinching back when he faced her.

"A-are you alright?" Sakura furrowed, reaching for his forehead. He recoiled, avoiding the touch.

"Alright?" he grumbled. "No. I'm not alright."

Sakura opened her mouth to speak but was overwhelmed by the view. As wrathful as he appeared, tears brimmed over in his eyes too. What a curious thing, she had never actually seen emotion in him strong enough to take over. He could barely hold the dam, it seems. That information might've been too much, she had to consider a softer approach in advance, but it was over now. Probably the blunt way she said it was the better one. Sakura neared him slowly and hugged him as gently as she could.

"Do you know who..." he forced the words through with difficulty, "…carried you back to your tent that night? If I hadn't—"

"It's not your fault," Sakura cut him off, her hands making assuring motions up and down his back. "This has nothing to do with you."

"It is my fault," he fumed at her. "You can't change the fact."

"Don't burden yourself with that. What happened is in the past. Leave it all there."

"I can't," he snapped harshly, making her flinch away again. The motion frightened him and he wrapped her closer immediately. "I can't. The past is everything I have."

Sakura closed her eyes for a moment, trying to come up with something that would calm him down. His embrace was so desperate that she was left speechless. He clung to her as if he was out of time; as if he was afraid she would forbid his touch any second.

"Sasuke," she shifted, trying to find his eyes. "Look at me."

"I told you to stay away from me," his darkness peered into her light, seeking an escape and begging for forgiveness. "I told you, but you didn't listen." Sakura gifted him with her warmest smile, tucking back a lock of his hair, then her thumb wiped the silent tears that fell from his eyes. "Why are you smiling?" he asked, in a low voice.

"Tenten warned me you're a drama queen, Sakura snickered, wrapping her hands around him. "You should really kiss me already, you know."

His eyes nailed on her mouth immediately and she could feel the heat rushing to her face. He brushed her hair back, his eyes tinting in their softest, as much as black could be soft. Thoughtful above anything else, they looked at her like seeing her for the first time. Her blush only deepened when he leaned to place a kiss on her forehead. She didn't move, busy with making attempts to calm her heart, currently beating furiously in her chest. Well, she didn't say where he had to kiss her.

"Let's—" Sakura opened her mouth, but he silenced her with another kiss, sending a wave of shivers down her spine along with spreading dizziness in her mind. Was that how people felt before blacking out?

When he pulled away from her she gave out a loud gasp, astonished and terrified at the same time. He held her, thankfully, she was a numb puppet in his arms, powerless and feeble. She couldn't recall words in her quaked mind or how to order them. His sadness was switched by curiosity as he observed her sharp reaction, still and silent, somewhat pleased with it, but mostly frightened that he's done damage rather than captivate.

Sasuke helped her get back to her apartment and she recovered not until they sat on the table again. He was leaning in, heavy concern on his features as she blinked, focusing on reality. She muttered a short excuse and grabbed her spoon once again.

"You know what…?" she took a breath and froze for a second, eyeing the distance between them. Then she pulled her chair closer and left it adhered to his. "Better." Her eyes met his in a brief moment before she began eating again, her arm touching his.

He didn't object, to her great relief. Instead, he asked her to tell him all about the time she spent after he left. Under the pretext that he didn't know a thing. Sakura doubted he was overly interested in that information, all the more Kakashi had surely filled him in on the important details, so perhaps he only wanted to hear her speak. Either that or he had grown to hate silence, deciding that he's lived in it for too long.

They squandered the afternoon in talking and tea and Sakura almost choked on tears of happiness once or twice. Ino called a few times too, but she didn't pick up, making the most of her unexpected guest. She could see he was near collapse and tired to the bone so she offered him the bed at one time, a specific subject she didn't want to touch yet. Judging from his weariness, holding him awake at that late hour was downright cruel.

There was this slight fear that she wasn't ready after what happened to her, but then again… she was breathing within an odd bubble now, where fear didn't exist and where she couldn't quite find her doubts and worries. The space was so safe that it comforted her and she had fused with Sasuke on a mental level. Whatever his mood was, it was hers too. And the phenomenon assured her that even if he inclined toward the physical, she wouldn't mind. Nothing he did could go against her.

It was the late evening when she mentioned the bed and he stood still for a while, thinking of what to say. Sharing the idea of both of them sleeping in the same bed awoke the same uneasiness he always acquired when he was against something that he couldn't control. Doesn't have to be a problem, Sakura wanted to say but remained silent instead, certain that it'd help him with making a decision, whatever it is.

"I shouldn't…" he ignored her eyes, focusing on the cup of tea in front of him. "I'd rather not."

"No, it's perfectly alright," Sakura smiled, touching the back of his hand with one delicate motion. He noticed it but didn't comment on it, tracing her fingers as they slowly backed away. "I sleep on the right side, though. For the record."

His eyes met hers, questioning her intentions.

"Are you sure about this?" he hesitated.

"Yeah… I'll just go take a shower before I join you," Sakura smiled at him again, standing up. She gathered the teacups and headed for the kitchen, turning her back on him. "I don't have any male clothes so I guess you'd sleep in your shirt," she glanced back at him, playfully. "Unless if you want some of my big pink t-shirts. Or me, calling dad and asking him to lend some of his clothes."

"No, thanks," he scoffed.

Both ideas sounded promising. If it was her, she would've agreed to the second one, just for the show. She sighed and turned the light in the kitchen off. Her next destination was the bathroom, of course, and she almost started stripping as she walked to it, the way she did for years now, but she reminded herself that she had company, and throwing clothes everywhere was not wise. At the threshold, she glanced back at Sasuke and stopped to look at him.

"What's wrong?"

He was sitting on the bed and trying the matter of the blanket between his fingers.

"First time I get to sleep on a normal bed in months," came the absent reply.

"You'll love it," Sakura promised and disappeared behind the door. She stripped her clothes and turned the water on, making her best to ignore the dilemma hanging over her. The warmth of the water ran down her skin and she exhaled slowly, to calm the rushing heartbeat in her chest.

Sasuke would never hurt her, she could swear on it, he probably wouldn't mind if she refused him, too. Then what concerned her? Letting him down? Maybe just a lingering fear that those memories will flush back and ruin her experience and that would repeat every time she wants to be with him. Why not talk to him about it? He was quick to understand and such a great listener. That was a nice decision. Yes, she will totally go and talk to him.

Sakura stopped the water and wrapped herself with a towel. She clicked the door open and prepared to speak out, finally mustering up courage, but the words stuck in her throat. She was stupefied for one long moment. It took her quite a while to get her systems back working. Her feet slowly dragged her closer to the bed and she barely breathed, leaning in to pull the blanket over him as gently and as quietly as possible. He must've been dreadfully tired if he needed five minutes to fall asleep.

This… she thought it was long gone and she would never witness it again and that's why she treasured it in the deepest part of her heart, tucked it there as a relic of some past memories she wanted to forget. It was so hard, spending those nights alone in her apartment, convinced that he's dead and gone, without a single drop of hope. That was when she remembered him, sleeping the same way he did right now. Tired of this world's chaos and pain. At peace. A rare peace that only that state allowed him, the borderline between life and death. The beauty of it took her breath away.

It was too cold for her to stand there bare and she reluctantly gave up on the observation, off to put her underwear and sleeping t-shirt on, and get under the blankets too. Talking with him was going to happen another day and, oddly, she was relieved that circumstances made it easier for her. Sakura turned the lights off and relaxed in her side of the bed with a content smile.

A/N: Thanks for reading. First of all, I felt like splitting this enormous chapter I wrote into two. Second, I... am not sure why people expect smut-smut because what I write doesn't really fit into the genre, it's more like non-explicit smuff (?), which is what I like writing most because it describes my notion of writing sex best? For people that wonder why I don't write only smut or only fluff, I just can't. I am constantly walking between dirty and cute and it seems that there is this artistic line between the two that I belong to and that I can get away with. And third, I feel like the next chapter has to be through Sasuke's POV. It just makes it sexier for me lol.

P.S. Sorry if this all feels off and not joyful enough. Writing happiness, as you might've already guessed, is not my strongest side. I am an old citizen in the city of Angst.