Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters in it.

XXXI.

- Luminous –

"Hell of a party," Sakura scoffed, entering her apartment with a half-inebriated mind and casting those damned shoes as far as she could from her feet. She could bet all her money that the inventor of heels had a close relationship with the devil. "I'm pretty sure he'll have to visit the hospital for a few incisions soon. And you… are an idiot."

Sasuke pouted, eyes on her back, offended by the use of words, but finding it unnecessary to retort. His brows were locked in a deep furrow for the last hour, the pain he caused to himself by hitting Naruto, with his knuckles, was surely getting unbearable because the cooling effect on the ice on his skin seemed to fade. They decided to head back to her apartment by the time his glare upon everything and everyone became constant.

"It was getting noisy anyway," Sakura sighed, murmuring the words under her breath and trying her best to find a plausible reason for their early departure. It was just getting interesting, with all the stories Tenten began to share about a past member of their platoon and a few missions they've been on with him before his unexpected death. Her eyes lit up in a way Sakura's never seen before, when she talked about him, and the others… they seemed to be aware of it, by the way they hushed and let her bring the memories of his presence in her own specific way. As if they let her shape his image because she could do it best.

Sakura recognized that look. Everyone could do it, in fact, it was written all over her face. The look of a woman whose heart was ripped out of her chest; eyes full of feigned warmth and tears, but with a smile of stone. Sakura could feel her fear because she's been there too… that if the smile broke, her whole body would break too, so she kept that smile on her lips, at all times.

Anyway, onto the main problem…

Naruto, of course, received his blow after Sai spilled information on the crime he's done against Sasuke's car, but the quarrel was suspended by the rest of them, who didn't think it'd go this far. Even though the fight was momentary Naruto was able to reply to Sasuke's sudden attack. Sasuke got out with a single bruise and a cracked skin on his hand, but Naruto…

Sakura sighed.

How was it that those two couldn't act as normal people did? She could still see that smirk on Naruto's face when they parted him from Sasuke. What was with men and their weird satisfaction in exercising violence on each other? Sakura didn't think the subject was worth discussing, she was sure it would only make her head ache. "What was all that for?" she asked out loud, despite her silent reconcilement. If not anything, she was curious to know what excuse he'll come up with.

"I've always wanted to punch him."

Sakura shook her head disapprovingly, hanging her coat on the small peg on the wall, then taking his. "Come," she urged him to follow her into the kitchen as she turned the lights on and started rummaging through her shelves. She knew there was lint somewhere in them… she soon found it and dashed into her bathroom to find a disinfectant and cotton. She liked helping people, but that was just plain abuse of her benevolence. Unsure whether Naruto or Sasuke was at fault, she decided to be mad at both of them simultaneously. With her nerves in shreds, she couldn't imagine what worrying about the two of them for the rest of her life would cause her. Certainly nothing good.

Sakura left everything she held on the kitchen counter and exhaled, her hand making a sharp gesture at him to get closer. It was not the time to let emotions overwhelm her, there were more important things to occupy her mind with. More pleasant too. The joke was, if she had decided to punch people, with her fighting knowledge, one of them was going to end up with a fractured jaw and the other was going to gather his own teeth from the ground. But some people just have self-control. Because they have a filter and they think before they do.

"You're angry," Sasuke noted, flinching as she apostrophized with a loud exclamation.

"Yes, I'm angry!"

Sakura looked at him, still and silent, but then swallowed and closed her eyes for a moment. "Sorry." When she opened her eyes, Sasuke looked at her with curiosity and she could swear, there was a minuscule trace of fear she glimpsed in there for a split second. She might be tiny, but she knew how to break bones, and that was not all, she could even name which ones she'd aim for. The pause extended, but neither of them moved. Another sigh escaped her lips… she couldn't possibly be mad at him for more than five minutes. Especially when he looked at her like that, cute and all.

Sakura slowly stepped to him and took his wounded left hand, fingers slowly starting to unwrap the improvised bandage they made him, at Ino's house. His eyes were strictly on her face for the most part of her motions, but when she removed the cloth and caressed the cracked skin his eyes shot down to his hand, a shudder coursing through him. The skin was reddened and swelled up, though nothing that wouldn't heal in a few days. As she put on the disinfectant on the piece of cotton she couldn't help but reminisce about their edgy first encounter at the hospital. She almost smiled at the memories. So much changed since then.

Her slim fingers touched the spot where she thought most sore, where the cut was closest to the bone and he recoiled, with a sharp hiss. Her eyes held equal parts amusement and satisfaction when she raised them up to him and blinked charmingly. It was time for him to realize that pain was hundred-percent his fault and also could've been a completely avoided issue if he had constrained his destructive impulses.

Sasuke was looking anywhere but her eyes, guilt sifting through him as he was clearly starting to get the picture and feel the consequences of his actions. Sakura took his hand and pulled him closer, pretending to not enjoy the way his other hand clenched into a fist when she tapped his wounded skin again. She even afforded to press here and there, wresting quiet sibilances of discomfort from him. So he could endure bullet wounds without making a single sound, but a skin-deep wound turned him into a baby.

The smile quivered on her lips when she started wrapping the new roll of lint, extremely careful. He must've sensed she was past her wrathful state and it was safe for him to relax, unclenching his fist. Something bubbly and pleasant stirred inside her, at the thought of how much of a context was it what's between them. That game, she never got tired of it.

"You're good to go," Sakura finished, with a tired smile on her lips, and turned to the counter to put away what she took.

After almost a minute of dead silence, she wondered why he hasn't moved and faced him again. He had frozen, with his eyes on a point behind her. Something was wrong, she could tell. More than wrong. She has seen that look on very rare occasions and every time she did she prayed to not see it ever again for it broke her heart like nothing else.

He shifted, reaching for his point of interest and she didn't see it until she turned around. The box looked smaller in his hands when he lifted it, to read the inscription in the lower corner. Sakura wasn't sure whether it's been a good idea to keep it anymore. Panic raised in her, heart beating loudly against her chest in the unsettling, thick silence.

Was she going to make it worse if she tries to explain that she only thought to save the fragment as an important memory? Save it from getting lost, covered in dust, and laying forgotten. All the more, it reminded her of him. She never intended to look like she had stolen it or claimed it as hers, by putting it next to her own objects as if belongs to her. Now it seemed like she's done just that and she wanted to express how terribly sorry she is, but the look on his eyes shut her away.

She dared not move, shallowing the breaths of air she took. She was trembling with anticipation… a bad one. Sasuke slowly left the tea box back on the counter and set it back in its place.

"Thank you for keeping it," he said, simultaneously bringing a dose of relief and of sadness to her.

Sakura tilted her head, to try and meet his eyes, but he moved away, leaving the kitchen. The way he said it... he appreciated her thought of preserving it, but it meant nothing to him anymore. Like he didn't want any tie with his past pulling him back. She enveloped herself, feeling helpless. Nothing came to her mind, nothing she could do to appease the situation.

He was mute again, giving no signs of wishing to talk with her or give her any attention at all, strictly focused on putting on his sleeping shirt and getting in bed. Sakura observed him from the kitchen, and as she did, a thought gradually appeared in her mind. It wasn't her theft that upset him. He wasn't bothered by her or anything she's done, his disquietude came from something else entirely.

Sakura grimaced, watching him imitate perfect composure, laying on the bed, covering himself with the sheets, and putting an arm under his head as he laid on the pillow, in the most casual way. With his back against her.

Loneliness.

He carried it… the insidious, haunting taint of loneliness. And he was trying so very hard to frame himself to it. Like it was something natural… something of a permanent flu that he was disturbed by but has accepted that it was never gonna leave him or go away, or be cured.

Sasuke convinced everyone he was made of stone, but she was not so sure of it. The closer she got, the more she revealed the truth. What she witnessed was a ghost of a former self, an alter ego of a man that she'd never known. Someone who had tasted happiness, who had tasted life from its better side, from the colorful side. But whoever he's been in the past was gone due to all those morbid circumstances.

Walking to the bed at her slowest, she turned off every light and stripped her clothes to get into her nighty. The complete darkness of the moonless night didn't bother her, she had never been afraid to stand in the dark anyway. Not even when she was little. Groping, she got under the blankets and stopped there, distanced from him.

She couldn't bear having him convince himself that what he was doing was right or okay, in any sense. No one should get used to loneliness, that was inhuman. Yes, he had no family now. He had no mother to hug, no father to hear praise from, no brother to seek comfort in. He had nothing left too, nothing his, except his clothes and his body that he couldn't care less for.

He didn't care for anything. And she understood, having nothing on this world made you a pilgrim, a wanderer. The very notion was so profoundly sad that she needed a few seconds to overcome the feeling of suffocation that attacked her, settling itself heavy upon her chest. She knew he declared himself a wanderer and a stranger to everyone and everything, but there was one heart that broke itself over and over again, it broke at every palpitation of his.

If he only knew how much she's cried and how much she still hasn't, instead of him, maybe then he'd see that he's not as lonely as he thinks he is. That was her only wish.

Sakura swallowed thickly the lump that was forming in her throat. His sorrow was so grand that she was overwhelmed by it too and the worst thing was she could do nothing about it. All those times, she let him have her body and she didn't mind. His thirst was ostensible and justified itself because she could feel the entanglement of their bodies wasn't just a passion and a physical need.

Those blows he had taken, those countless losses... they've carved a deep hole in him. Her body was his sanctuary, a traveler's oasis; she realized it long ago. That harsh encounter of theirs, when he got his brother's knife and made his best to convince her was there to hurt and use only. She knew he'd seek her from then on, to patch up and mend, because he recognized her. It's what she loved doing most in her life, it's what she's always been good at, it's what she was destined for.

Heal.

Sakura shifted closer to him, as subtly as she could. What was she supposed to do when he looked so hopeless and alone in this fight? A fight that was going to last a lifetime. Did he deserve such faith? She couldn't tell, being as partial as it gets. Did he have the strength to withstand all the storms that passed and all those that were yet to come, alone? He was already trembling when her palm touched his back, gently, lovingly. She wondered if he asked himself those exact questions. What other reason could shake his foundations as much as to bring tears to his eyes?

"Sasuke," Sakura wearied, tentatively sliding her hand under his, to hug him. It was worse he did not respond to her in any way. She couldn't afford to lose him. His sanity, his hope, his fire. Her fire. "I'm here, dearest," her voice, though a whisper, shook with the painful shiver that ran through her. Tears stung at the back of her eyes and she shut them tight, pressing her body closer to his. "You're not alone."

He turned around after her last words, until he faced her. Then a pause. She waited, in the dark, certain that he'd speak.

"I am," he disproved, quietly, without anger or discontent; just a statement, an insight he's had for the longest time but has never been as close to someone as the sharing of it required. It seemed like he chose to honor her with it and she was ruined, tears falling from her eyes as well.

She couldn't carry instead of him, that was the truth. But there was this unspoken promise between them, taking the most unusual form. The morphine that they switched between one another through indefinite ways. A promise to seek each other for comfort when everything else crumbled down around them. To remind themselves that love can be a painkiller if fulfilled in the right way.

Sakura pressed herself to him and buried her face in his neck, not making any attempts to stop her own tears from falling. She didn't have anything to say, didn't have much to offer too, so she just decided to unite with his silence this time. Dive into the whole vastness of it. Without trying to decode or read through. Just breathe… and weep, and feel his body tremble within the grip of his many, rending sorrows.

When he breathed in, awakened, the light from the window was faint. Heavy clouds had gathered in the sky again. He couldn't move and glance at the clock, tightly enveloped by Sakura's smaller, huddled form. There was something incredibly calming about her warmth and her even breaths against his skin, almost loud in the cold silence of this current morning dusk. He pulled the blankets up a bit, to cover her shoulders, and revered in the feeling she created.

Her embrace did calm him down by some time last night, but she had drifted into sleep and missed it. What she also missed was that some of those tears were devoted to her. He knew she wouldn't believe him. Her kindness to him was more than he could ever express or form into words. He kissed her hair, readjusting so that he could face her and watch her from up close. Closest anyone has ever been allowed. Dark, sorrowful circles hued her restful eyes, and her lips were a lurid pink, a bit chafed, but still delicately beautiful. From so up close he could even see her pale, rosy eyelashes were slightly covered in a crust, from all the crying she did last night.

His breaths on her skin must've affected her somehow, a light furrow formed on her brows as she breathed in and reached to rub the corners of her eyes before blinking them open. She needed a flash of time to turn red under his gaze. Recovering quickly, she made her best to reply to his stare. Her face was changing into an unhealthy color very quickly.

"There's something I need to talk to you about."

Sakura withered. "You want to leave?" she heaved up a little, tears welled up in the corners of her eyes, but when he shook his head, she relaxed back on the pillow. "What then? Are you sick?"

"No," Sasuke replied, but just as he was about to explain she interjected again.

"You don't want me to be so clingy because it suffocates and annoys you?"

Sasuke furrowed at her words, getting close to terrified. "No."

"Is it something bad?" she absently started picking at her lower lip, heavy concern on her face.

"I am not sure," he drawled, hoping that she'd let him speak this time, without making morbid suggestions. "I want to quit the military job when my term of enlistment ends. Which is soon."

Her lips formed a silent O, then she ignored his eyes, thoughtful. "Alright," she said, out loud, still assimilating the new information. "What do you wanna do?"

"The Police," he replied, shortly.

Sakura looked at him and then gradually a smile appeared on her lips. A smile of pure happiness. "Sounds fairly safer than field combat. I like it," Sakura paused, then went on, with a murmur, "If you're quitting, I... I-I can too. My boss, at the hospital… she told me I can come back whenever I want to and they'd gladly take me," she paused again and suddenly there was a strange spark in her green eyes. She bit at her lip hard, a strong blush creeping on her cheeks.

"What?" he raised a brow.

"Ah, nothing," Sakura chuckled, shrugging casually. "I just imagined you dressed up in a police uniform... handcuffs and all."

It was Sasuke's turn to stare at her, then look away with a blush on his own face. Why was this woman always making him think about the weirdest things? Sakura laughed on, covering her face with the sheets. He furrowed, unsure how he had allowed her to get as far as making him feel uncomfortable about things and then laughing about it freely.

He loomed over her, pulling the blanket off her face and she stilled, biting her lip again, to cease the amusement that bubbled inside of her. The blush looked so fabulously on her that he felt like he's been immersed into a fairy tale of some kind again, where cherry blossoms have names and talk, and laugh, and… flourish only as they touch darkness in a pure form.

Sakura's smile faded a bit, probably a change in his own expression hushing her. There was nothing less and nothing more about her, she was like the point of a perfect balance of existence, luminous in a way he'd never be able to be, never would need to. Because she came to him willingly and lingered, her heat purified him. The strength of her love was mystical to him, but he was drawn to it anyway.

Sakura's lips slightly parted, as if with a pressing question, but he leaned in to silence her before she speaks – not a kiss, not even a touch. Just extreme closeness, one that had her eyes closing and all her features relaxing into their natural state. Something almost basic in him rejoiced every time she submitted to him like that, with no resistance whatsoever. She exuded adoration for him when he was so close, even her breaths turning into soft caresses against his skin. It was not his imagination, as he previously thought, it was true... He felt powerful with her.

"What are you doing?" Sakura laughed breathlessly, hands up to wrap around his neck. The pause prolonged before he came up with a befitting answer.

"I'm reigning," he replied, at last, making her eyes open and meet his, just above her.

She just smiled, pulling him closer.

A/N: Thanks for reading. I've been inspired by Ruelle's "Carry You" for this one, such a beautiful, beautiful song. Was trying to find something tender in that mess of sorrow, pain, and passion this pairing is always drowning in, hope I succeeded.

My epilogue is probably gonna be shorter than the usual chapters. Then I'm gonna sit and repeat to myself to never ever write modern AUs like this. Honestly, I didn't really like this one (but the fic was an experiment anyway). Nevertheless, the story was about improving my writing and extending my thought. Whatever's been annoying, bad, good, interesting and etc., you're free to share with me. You'll help me improve immensely! Thanks for hanging around. See you in the epilogue!