Chapter 11 –Will of Fire

Previously…

Much of the meeting Leon had missed, wrapped in a cocoon of bliss by, who he now dubbed, the golden-haired goddess. For only a divine being could woo one such as he!

He could feel Reborn's eyes from across the room - but Leon, now belly up, tail flexing in delight - really couldn't bring himself to care. Such is life in the lap of luxury.

Scowling, Hiruzen Sarutobi scrubbed his fingers though his grey flecked goatee as he eyed the petulant looking shinobi in front of him.

Looking the ninja up and down, it would seem the time away hadn't done Kakashi any favours. His one uncovered eye looking tired and defeated, cheekbones cutting a harsh line through his mask and pale feverish skin peaking over his clothes. Yes, it appears Kakashi had clearly neglected any form of self-care on his, apparently, wasted journey.

Whilst maintaining hard eye contact, he reached into his robes to remove a freshly stocked tobacco pipe and clenched it between his teeth.

Experienced and mature Hokage though he was, he wasn't below utilising such simple tactics to make people uncomfortable. Especially as this particular Jonin had kept him waiting. Oh yes, he'd known of course, the moment Kakashi set foot in the village – yet here he was, a whole 4 hours after Anbu had informed him of the Copy Nin's return.

Honestly, it was like the man was 26 going on 12, but then again, they were mostly all children in Hiruzen's eyes.

He did, however, know exactly where Kakashi had been. Never on time, but ever present over the tribute to their fallen comrades, as if simply waiting for the guilt to swallow him whole. It was also precisely why Hiruzen was so lenient with the Copy Ninja, though perhaps it was now high time for a different approach.

Sighing loudly, he noted that although Kakashi's outward expression didn't change, his weight minutely shifted from foot to foot.

Deliberately breaking eye contact, but still maintaining the long suffering silence, Hiruzen opened the topmost drawer on his desk. Shuffled a few loose papers unnecessarily until he grasped a matchstick. He made a show of lighting the tobacco and snuffing the lit match with a flourish, before meeting Kakashi's eye once more. As much as he was enjoying keeping the younger man stewing in his own thoughts, he may as well get the show on the road.

"Report – what have you got for me Hatake?" He barked into the silence.

Kakashi straightened out of his slight slouch and clasped his hands behind his back.

"I cut a path all the way up to Fire country's boarder. But other than being ambushed by a trio of Iwa nin," at this he placed the body scroll on the desk before continuing. "There was nothing, no scent, no chakra and no tracks of Naruko's to follow."

The last part, Hiruzen noted, was said through gritted teeth. He suspected that the young man was making fists behind his back.

"No evidence of foul play either then?" He said through a cloud of smoke.

"None."

Hiruzen observed the lack of proper address and the wiry tension in the Copy Nin's form.

"Take a seat, Kakashi, be at ease." He said dropping the formalities and gesturing to the wooden chair opposite.

"I'd rather stand." Countered Kakashi, though he did shove his hands in his pockets, now notably swaying on the spot.

'Clearly, his month-long exploit is catching up with him.' Hiruzen mused.

"Good grief, man. Sit down, before you fall down." Hiruzen said kicking the chair out, not bothering to keep the exasperation from his voice. Only after Kakashi had seated himself with a scowl did he continue.

"We - that is the newly formed Shinobi council, have come to a conclusion regarding young Naruko's disappearance."

Kakashi's eye sharpened. 'Hmph, of course that would get his attention.'

Unsure how to begin, and wanting to deliver the sensitive news as delicately as possible, he took a deep draw from his pipe before exhaling – the room once again became shrouded in smoke.

"Well!?" Kakashi demanded suddenly control slipping, slamming his fist onto the desk, not having patience to sit through the theatrics.

Hiruzen didn't flinch at the outburst having been half expecting it from the moment the Copy Nin entered. Really, he was surprised it had taken him this long to lose his patience. Hiruzen wasn't too bothered about the blatant insubordination as he had already told Kakashi to 'be at ease'. So, with a slight twitch of his fingers he signalled for Anbu to step down from their battle ready positions. The four presences in the room, sheathed their weapons and melded back into the shadows.

"Fortunately for you, you didn't fracture the desk but – "

"- FUCK the desk-!"

"BUT! I do expect a modicum of decorum in MY office! I may have given you permission to speak freely, Kakashi, but that does not mean you can throw your weight around like a toddler! So help m- in fact, you are very lucky I don't currently have paperwork on my desk. I would have kept you here until you'd put everything back as it was and then completed it, multiple health issues aside!" Hiruzen snapped, patience waning somewhat. Even after all this time he despised being interrupted. He had in fact cleared his desk in advance for this very meeting – just in case. "Now sit down, so I can at least give you the barebones of this godforsaken clusterfuck!"

Suitably chastised, Kakashi slunk back into his sear and waited silently – if rather twitchily.

Rubbing his temple and praying for patience, Hiruzen continued. "Now, as I was saying. The Shinobi Council have concluded that it had to have been the Kyuubi's power that encased Naruko that day. We are all in agreement that it was entirely meant for her defence, considering she was being attacked at the time. A defence that was meant to be impenetrable."

The Copy Nin nodded – it was after all a logical explanation – but remained silent.

"Due to the very volatile nature of Bijou Chakra, we believe that having so much surround her -without any training…affected her on a cellular level causing her cells to collapse and…disappear." Hiruzen said this with eyes closed, not wanting to see Kakashi's expression as he came to the realisation. He despised giving bad news, let alone about someone so close to his own heart. He grimaced, realising he seemed to be doling it out in spades as of late.

Alas, he could not plead ignorance forever.

True enough, he saw that Kakashi had deduced the full picture and had placed head in hands over his knees.

"I don't believe it! Sensei could use teleportation – this had to be something he'd set up just in case!" He looked up with a desperate expression, eye glassy.

Hiruzen shook his head wearily. "Minato was many things, Kakashi, but even he could never have predicted this. I know you don't want to believe it Kakashi, neither do I, but it's the truth- she's dea-"

"SHE'S NOT DEAD!" Kakashi raged. "She's NOT…I feel it in my gut."

Hiruzen sighed, he knew a losing battle when he saw one. Whilst he would love for it to be true - nothing would make him happier - it just wasn't the case. Pressing a pulse of Chakra into a hidden Seal on his wrist, he felt as the Anbu left them alone and Sealed the room. He withdrew a non-descript brown file from a hidden compartment under his desk and handed it to the distraught ninja sitting opposite.

"This is the report from the Barrier Division. The Kyuubi's Chakra is gone - all of it. Even the small amount from Kumo."

He watched Kakashi flick through the file listlessly.

"I'm sorry."

At that, the Copy Nin raised his head to look Hiruzen in the eye, his expression giving nothing away. "For what?"

"It's my fault you couldn't keep your promise to Minato. I know that he asked you to care for her…should the worst happen and I'm sorry that it wasn't…possible."

Kakashi let out a noise halfway between a whine and a growl and stood suddenly to pace the room. It was plain to see it was born of frustration and helplessness and the aged Kage couldn't bear to see it in one so young. He knew Kakashi's background of course - it was his job to know. His past was wrought with tragedy after tragedy, while not the same as his own, it did bear similarities. It's an unwritten rule in a Shinobi village that you just don't ask about another's past, it was personal and therefore, wasn't polite. That and you really never knew what could set Ninja off, unstable as they were by nature.

Everyone had different coping mechanisms. How they deal with the repercussions of the harsh Shinobi life, differs from person to person; some sought therapy, some like Kakashi buried themselves in mission after mission. Of course, he did his level best to advise his Shinobi as best he could, but that was all he could do, advise. It was a rule implemented by the old council – surprise, surprise – as Hokage, he could only advise that they seek therapy, not enforce it. Though after this meeting with Hatake Kakashi, changing this rule shot to the summit of his priorities. He would make it mandatory, for all of his Ninja force to be booked in for therapy with a Yamanaka – whether they think they need it or not. It will be at their discretion whether further sessions are needed or if they are signed off. Hiruzen would make it policy, that in order to even apply for missions, a clean bill of health would be required.

He knew most would be pleased with this change. He also knew that there would be those who demanded they be exempt to this rule – much like the Ninja in front of him he'd wager, but even he wouldn't be allowed any wriggle room.

He worried that one day it may just become too much for the still-young Nin in front of him. He never wanted it to be his lack of action that could have saved him from himself.

Perhaps it would be better to leave him that sliver of hope? Tell him that Naruko was alive and happy and loved. No, it had to be the truth, Hiruzen owed him that much.

Sadly, it was a fact that loss came hand in hand with being a Shinobi.

Admittedly some would say that Kakashi's past, beyond what was known publicly, was arguably more unfortunate than average.

The death of his parents; his Mother during childbirth, his father by suicide. The deaths of his teammates – one by his own hand, the other forever immortalised by the sacrifice he concealed on the other half of his face. The deaths of his mentor and teacher, Kushina and Minato. Now the disappearance, abduction – death, of Naruko – his charge, his pup.

Any lesser man would have buckled under the strain. Yet here he was, still steadfast in his loyalty. Still going through the motions - albeit apathetically, still showing…strangely animalistic tendencies in highly emotional situations, but walking a tight-rope nonetheless.

Hiruzen knew of the oddity that was the Hatake Clan. Supposedly descendants of Wolves. Though that may be bullshit, he rather suspected it to be linked to his Dog Summons. The Hatake Clan was particularly sought after, once upon a time. What with senses similar to canines themselves – top notch sense of hearing, smell, and sight - unique white Chakra and finally, unyieldingly loyalty. Who wouldn't want them as a part of their land?

Once other nations realised the Hatake Clan had chosen Konoha and after much convincing; read bribery. Their loyalty could not be swayed and after negotiations had failed, they were hunted - with extreme prejudice under the guise of war. Until finally only Sakumo had remained in the Village of Konohagakure.

And now all that heritage, all that responsibility has fallen on Kakashi's shoulders.

"Why did you do it?" Kakashi asked quietly, shaking him out of his thoughts.

Hiruzen knew what he was really asking - why did he separate both him and Naruko. Sighing again, he stood to open a panel on the wall, revealing a bottle of Sake and two saucers. He plucked the cork from the gourd shaped bottle and poured liquid into both cups, before setting the bottle aside.

He took a sip from his cup and gestured for Kakashi to take the other, enjoying the slight burn as it slid down his throat.

Whilst Kakashi didn't touch the sake, he did sit down once again, eyeing him carefully.

"I wanted to let you raise her…I really did," he said regretfully while gazing into the sake cup. "She would have flourished under your care I'm sure of it, but you know as well as I do that Minato's reputation precedes him. After the Kyuubi attack, we were being very closely watched by the other Villages – Iwagakure in particular. We were being tested near constantly at the boarders – oh, of course you know this already. They were analysing how weak the attack had made us."

He paused to take another sip.

"Fortunately for us, we have a lot of extremely capable Ninja who never gave an inch. It was probably after this, our enemies began to plot other ways to hurt us, even going so far as pretending to be civilians to gather information. Most were caught and delivered to T & I before they could learn too much. They were…dealt with, but I must admit I feared that there may have been a few sleeper agents that were missed, even now. "

"So, it was because of these agents and the fact that we were being watched by the other Villages." Kakashi muttered. He clearly didn't like it; he didn't have to, but Hiruzen thought he could at least make Kakashi understand his reasoning.

Hiruzen nodded. "Correct. You, yourself are considered quite the formidable Ninja - even 5 years ago. Even a sniff of you - the Yondaime's apprentice - being in the vicinity of a blonde haired, blue eyed child would be a recipe for disaster. They would hunt her mercilessly. I couldn't let happen. So under the pressure of the Council and my own incompetence…I separated you." He paused again, looking very much the aged Kage that he was in the dwindling evening light. "In hindsight, knowing the outcome of the decision that I made, the hurt it caused you both – the regret that I've had to live with since that night, mourning the sibling relationship you could have had... I would take it all back in a heartbeat. There were other ways this could have been handled. I realise this now…" he sighed. "Can you forgive an old man of his mistakes?"

Kakashi, for a moment didn't say anything. He reached with a shaking hand to grip the Sake laid before him and downed it in one go – mask seemingly still in place.

Still without a word, he leaned over the wooden desk slightly to snag the alcohol gourd and refill his cup. He swilled the liquid in the cup in a slow considering motion, skilfully allowing for the sake to reach the height of the saucer but never spilling a drop.

"Mah, I don't like it. But I cannot blame everything on you. We've all been victims of circumstance – what with the Council, Root and Iwa's interference, it's no wonder things became like they are. I'm not in a position to forgive you – but I'm not blameless in all this. I could have just ignored your orders and gone incognito. If our roles were reversed who's to say I wouldn't have made the same decision?"

"I'm going to need some time, I think. Time to…ah, come to terms with the fact that she's ..." He managed, choking on the last part.

"Thank you Kakashi. Just know, I'm not asking you to forget her Kakashi. Hold her close in your memories – hold them all close and remember them, but do not forget to live your life."

He sighed but his chest felt less restricted.

"Go home, Kakashi. Eat. Rest. Spend time with your Summons – it's been a long time since you've simply spent time with them, yes? I'm removing you from active duty starting now and I'm sending you to speak with a Yamanaka – do not look at me like that, we both know it is long overdue! As of now it's not me you have to convince, but them." He said in a no nonsense tone. "The paperwork is already in motion, so it's out of my hands."

Noting Kakashi's betrayed expression, Hiruzen softened. "Just give it a try Kakashi, 5 sessions minimum and if you really don't think it's helping, we'll figure something else out. It'll be good for you, I promise."

Kakashi didn't answer, but he realised that right now, that was as good as he was going to get.

After the emotionally charged exchange, an upset but considerably calmer Kakashi loped unsteadily out of the office. No doubt he wouldn't go home straight away, but hopefully he'd given Kakashi something else to think about instead of simply wallowing in self-pity.

'Ahh youth', he thought, before very quickly and forcefully erasing the notion from his mind. Nothing good ever came of mentioning the word 'youth' anywhere near the presence of a particular Ninja. Even if it was just a thought, 'It's better not to tempt fate.' He thought sagely.

"Maybe sending Maito Gai to bug him might do some good?" Hiruzen mused aloud.

Elsewhere in the Village a spandex-clad Ninja sneezed, before losing his balance and unceremoniously face-planting the training ground.

It was getting late and Hiruzen had a very early meeting in the morning. One where he was to implement the new mental health policy – yet another thing to revamp.

Tidying his office of the Sake and once more Sealing away the file from the Barrier Division, Hiruzen took a moment to look out over twinkling lights of the Village. A good amount of change was coming but he couldn't bring himself to think of it as a bad thing. A fresh start was something they all needed and this time he would make it happen, come hell or high water.

Hiruzen made his way home under the darkened sky, kindling his Will of Fire once more.

Hatake Kakashi voluntarily going to therapy, who'd have thought? He mused.

The sessions, as it turned out, had made him rethink everything. Every decision, every heartbreak - from his father's death up to his self-imposed exile after Naruko's disappearance – after all what else was it if not exile? And he had come to realise, thanks to the therapy sessions, it was just another way for him to punish himself for the past.

Kakashi's mind was reeling.

Ten therapy sessions later and Kakashi would grudgingly admit that they were helping but he was a long way from feeling fully healed. Much to his surprise, though it was his therapist that would sign him off at the end of the day – and this is what made him decide to stay for further sessions – he was told it was his decision as to whether he was ready for active duty or not. In exchange, he at least had to be honest with himself, he had a lot of issues to come to terms with but it felt like his life was finally starting to move forwards.

Before the meetings began, he wouldn't have even admitted he had a problem, let alone that he wasn't ready to return to the field – words he thought he'd never say. It was really amazing the difference these two weeks had made.

They'd broken the ice in the initial meet.

Thinking back, he still needed to apologise for his attitude that day. His guard was fully up, though he was made to be on time he had made a show of sighing, overly so and speaking the bare minimum - really, it was no wonder the Hokage thought him childish. The Yamanaka he met with; a slightly older Clan woman, a Chunin. Still with the signature pale blonde hair with the addition of streak of grey and blue pupil-less eyes - eyes that were kind and held a hidden wisdom.

Kakashi hadn't had much contact with older women if he was being honest. So, when the Chunin slapped his file on the table and poured herself some tea with nary a glance in his direction, he was caught on the backfoot. He'd forgotten all about maintaining his stubborn façade and was honest to God, flummoxed. He wasn't quite sure what to make of her nor her actions – or lack thereof and apparently it showed in his expression. He recalled her eyes crinkling gently as she poured him a cup of tea. What was with all these people pouring him drinks? – he had thought.

Chamomile. She had explained that it was her favourite and how it calmed her when she simply needed to think. She explained that these sessions of theirs didn't have to be complicated; and weren't designed to be interrogations. She had no plans to question him on his everything and end with '… and how do you feel about that?', she had said. The sessions were his time to reflect, they weren't about anyone else.

He relaxed unknowingly at those words and, in the end, the two spent the rest of the hour in an undoubtedly strange but comfortable silence. It was only in session number three that had him hesitantly reaching out and telling her that he spent most of his free time at the Memorial Stone and had she ever seen the monument? The rest, as they say, is history.

Kakashi thought that the sessions were making him more human and shockingly, the anti-social beastie in him was no longer repulsed by the idea. This small amount of human contact had done it, he was sure. When was the last time him simply sat and enjoyed a conversation? It had to have been when Minato and Kushina were alive – he recalled a particular memory, it wasn't anything significant, but it was so painfully normal and warm that it stood out to him.

Chi-san, as the Yamanaka had insisted, he call her, would say that she looked forward to their tea sessions and to her, that's all they were. She didn't believe in the pressure of telling ninja they weren't ready for something, when they could form their own opinions, like the adults they were. Kakashi was thankful that it was Chi, that took him on, rather than anyone else. He found himself liking the older woman's calm demeanour, it soothed him on a level he didn't know he even had.

So here he was, at the market searching, (happily), for a new flavour of tea for Chi and he to try – his partner Pakkun at his side – the tiny little devil gleefully commenting on how beige and domestic Kakashi had become. 'Ah, where did I go wrong?' Kakashi thought, whilst nonchalantly stuffing an apple off a stall, into the pug's overactive mouth, flicking a coin at the vendor. He used to be so cute…in a manly, gruff way of course.

That was another marked improvement, he thought - he had re-united his pack and had summoned all of them together at once for some bonding time.

On reflection, it probably wasn't the best idea given that he was in his apartment at the time, which in no way had room for the 20 plus dogs. He had sat shell-shocked on his sofa, whilst summon after summon dog piled with increasing enthusiasm and chaos unfolded. When the point struck where he couldn't tell where one dog ended and another began - and he had inhaled more dog fur than he could cope with, he made the quick decision to reverse summon the pack and go find a free training ground.

He had clearly worried his pack through the lack of contact and so they took it upon themselves to sap him of energy for the remainder of the day, under the watchful eyes of the furriest of misers and pack leader, Pakkun.

Pakkun was Kakashi's very first summon and so, was the hound he was closest to and knew him the best. So, it came as no surprise, that as soon as the pack had passed out in various spots around the training ground – having no intention of being reverse summoned quite yet, was when Pakkun slunk up to his side.

"So, what happened?" He said casually, whilst scratching his ear.

Kakashi sighed, it had been a while since he'd had some of Pukkun's unique brand of concern.

"It's Naruko." He answered simply.

"The pup? Where is she, the Pack's been dying to meet her properly." Said Pakkun.

"…She's gone."

"Gone? What do you m-, c'mon Kakashi, I'm gonna need more than that!"

Sighing, Kakashi drew his knees closer to get more comfortable and delved into the full explanation. The sun was setting by the time he was finished and Pakkun had remained thankfully silent throughout. It was cathartic in a way. Oh, he knew Pukkun wouldn't hold back and would probably lay into him, but Kakashi could trust him to be honest. Once he'd reached the ending of his sad tale, he could feel himself drifting into sleep and for once, didn't resist the pull.

Unbeknownst to him, Pakkun, quietly nudged the pack closer to Kakashi for warmth ignoring the mild grumblings as he did so. Once there was a sufficient pack presence, he looked down at his sleeping summoner and sighed.

"What a mess."