Balanced Goose: Maybe :)
Im4xsk1ll: Thanks! I'm glad you think so!
Jddraign: Oh boy, you have no idea how embarrassing this story is going to get.
Jkgaming: Giorno and Diego are around the same age, they are both 27, since DIO was only active for about a year or two before Jotaro killed him.
dumpstertrashfire123: Well, I don't think they have to worry about younger D'arby. :)
Vulpix: Nope, I just needed to find a better way to tell the story, I'm not giving up on Diego! Also, you're right, if D'arby had won, DIO would've gotten exactly what he wanted.
Spaghetti sauce: I tried earlier, but I wasn't satisfied with the way it turned out.
*Excerpt from the Team Logbook.*
DB: Maybe we should call a plumber.
HP: Oh sure, let's call a plumber to remove human remains from our toilet, that won't cause problems at all.
DB: I'm tired of going downstairs to take a piss, we need D'arby out of the toilet.
T: Guys, Polnareff is writing this down.
DB: I don't care! His shitty little mustache is floating around in there, it's fucking disgusting!
Me: Maybe we could get a plumber who's involved with Passione? I'm sure there have been toilet related incidents before.
HP: You would know.
Me: HEY! It's just a bunch of coincidences, that's all.
DB: You know what? Let's talk about Mariah.
HP: Bitch.
Me: Nonononononon! You're trying to embarrass me!
T: Oh come on Diego, Mariah, really? I love that story!
HP: I don't.
DB: Polnareff here, says that his bathroom attacks are just coincidences, and I wanted to give an example to prove him wrong. Besides, we are trying to document our takedown of my father's goons, we would have to talk about her eventually.
T: Oh, this is the one that Hawks helped out, right? Man, I love that guy!
HP: He's alright...
DB: Anyway, for some reason he was in America. I don't know why...top secret hero shit or something, but it was about a week after we participated in the Yakuza Raid...
"I need a new costume." Jin said, examining the staples on his head.
"Do you?" Hot Pants asked. "I like your costume, very Deadpool-ish."
"I'm not a villain anymore HP. I committed crimes in that costume, and I just want to leave that life behind."
"Well, you can do that when we're done hunting this new target." Hot Pants pulled out a tablet and narrowed her eyes as she read the text. "Mariah...according to the message Mr. Joestar sent us, this woman can magnetize stuff...people in particular."
"Sounds dangerous." Jin seemed pretty down, and it didn't take much to know why.
Himiko Toga, possibly his best friend, had tried to kill him upon hearing he was trying to turn over a new leaf. Jin had naively tried to convince her to join him, and he had grumpy believed that she could be saved, only for her to try to stab him to death.
Lucky Diego was there.
Toga's betrayal had shattered Twice's morale. A man who had turned to a life of crime due to circumstance alone, a man who had gone through some serious shit, had his best friend throw him aside like he was worthless to her the whole time.
The poor guy just couldn't catch a break.
T: Yeah, I was like, super depressed.
DB: Well if you weren't I would've thought you were insane.
T: Fair. I am insane.
HP: You're the good kind of crazy, like Diego.
DB: Oh, she's seen me crazy. *rolls an r, gross.*
HP hits DB.
DB: OW!
HP: Pervert.
T: I actually already made my new costume, I was just afraid to put it on. I wanted it to kind of reflect the new me...but, I was in a rough spot at the time.
Me: Can we just get the story over with?
DB: Hey, Jin is talking about his character development, this is important!
HP: He just wants to get the bathroom part over with.
Me: N-no, I just thought the future generations would like to get to the meat of it!
DB: The bathroom part?
Me: NO! THE FIGHT!
T: The fight was pretty cool. I wanna hear the bathroom part, the bathroom part pleeeeaaase!
Me: Why don't we skip to a different battle? Alessi!
DB: We didn't fight Alessi.
Me: I was there! I could tell it!
HP: Polnareff is stalling.
Me: I am not!
DB: Then let's continue, shall we?
"You sure she's here?" Diego asked his earpiece.
"Positive, she's pretty vain about her looks, so running a spa is exactly what she would do." Polnareffexplained. "You know, it's actually quite nice, being out in the field again...if only I still had Silver Chariot..."
Diego nodded, and took out a rock and began sharpening his knife. "We could use a stand like that..."
"I'm in position." Hot Pants said. "I can't believe I let you talk me into this."
"D'arby recognized me due to my resemblance to DIO, we don't want her doing the same." Diego stated. "You'd be able to get closer than I could."
"Why do I have a feeling you just wanted to see me in a towel?"
"Nah, I'd prefer if the towel wasn-"
"Okay, okay, I get it...how did I go from a nun to this? Eye candy for a perverted dinosaur?"
"You're...hot? Pants?"
"...this is my life now."
"Ooooooooh, I see you!"
Hot Pants had wandered into Diego's line of sight, clad in a robe. She turned around and gave him a concealed middle finger, earning a snort from the star jockey.
Diego whistled, and Silver Bullet slowly came to it's rider. Twice was on top of it already, clad in his grey/black suit. "All the weapons are there."
"Good work Jin...are you gonna be okay?" Diego hopped onto Silver Bullet and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "If you aren't feeling up to this..."
"No, I'm...fine..." Twice said with some difficulty."I'll support you guys."
Of course he would...but he couldn't help but worry. He trusted Diego, and Hot Pants, he really did.
But he trusted Himiko too.
He didn't want to doubt them, he really didn't, but right now he wasn't sure what to do. He knew they had his best interests in mind...
Maybe he was just afraid of getting hurt again?
Either way, he had to do it. He had to keep faith that these friends were going to be worth it...
Otherwise...he had nothing.
Twice looked in the sack on Silver Bullet's side, where his new costume lay unused. He should put it on...he should embrace this new life...
Yet, he can't help but look back on his old one.
Was any of this worth it?
DB: Fuck dude.
T: What?! It's how I felt!
DB: I know...but that's just really depressing to think about. Bloody hell...
T: Sorry.
Hot Pants shifted her eyes back and forth, trying to spot the woman based on Joseph's description of her. It didn't take long for the main attraction to show up.
She was certainly...well endowed.
Mariah was smiling, laughing with a customer with a head of blonde hair...and a set of wings. Hot Pants tilted her head.
Why do I...recognize that guy?
Wait...
Hot Pant's eyes widened as she touched her earpiece. "Guys...we may have a problem..."
"Is someone making moves on you? Because if they are I'll castrate them." Diego responded. "No one gets to oogle at you but me!"
"Japan's number two hero is here."
"The chicken guy?"
"Hawks, his name is Hawks."
"Okay, he's here, what about it?" Polnareff asked. "He could prove to be an ally."
"If we take out Mariah, and he sees, we've got a one way ticket to prison." Hot Pants eyed Hawks, who was still engaged in conversation with Mariah. "He just made this ten times harder."
"We might not have to kill her at all." Diego reminded her. "Mariah is more of an assassin than a psychopath, and who knows? Perhaps this spa thing is legitimate. All you need to do is snoop around...and don't touch any outlets."
"I suppose so." Hot Pants said, wrinkling her nose. "Keep an eye on him for me, won't you? If it looks like he's getting suspicious of me..."
"Got it...careful in there love, she is dangerous."
"Diego."
"Hm?"
"If I do end up arrested...I love you. Never forget that, no matter how hard I am on you."
"Never have, never will. I love you too...and that robe."
Hot Pants sighed. "You're impossible."
"Come on, I've seen you in le-"
"ENOUGH!" Polnareffinterrupted them. "Look, I'm a notorious flirt, but there is a time and place."
Hot Pants turned away, walking towards a staff room, and paused. She turned and looked directly towards where Diego and Silver Bullet were perched, and winked.
"Dear God I love that woman..."
"Diego, your earpiece is still on."
"I don't care."
"Yes Honey, I'll be home for dinner." The security guard said with a smile. "Just make sure to get Charlie to take a bath...damn that kid is stubborn...love you too, bye."
The security guard put away her phone, and turned towards her locker...
Only to get the shit kicked out of her by a woman clad in nothing but a robe. The security guard attempted to fight back, drawing her tazer, but Hot Pants pushed her arm to the side just as she fired, grabbed the other woman's face, and slammed her head into a locker.
As the security guard crumpled to the ground, Hot Pants sighed and dragged her off to the side. "Sorry about that...but I need that uniform." She entered a closet with the unconscious woman, and later came out in said uniform.
Now she had access to more rooms. Hot Pants looked at the security guard, and took out a candy bar from the uniform's pocket. She then set the Milky Way on the snoring guard's forehead, and went back into the spa.
"I'm a security guard now."
"Guards always make the best disguises, don't they?"
"No one really notices them, especially when they have cucumbers over their eyes and mud on their face."
"Mariah could." Polnareffwarned. "Also...I may have to take a shit."
"...you want me to smuggle you into a bathroom, don't you?"
"...would it be too much to ask?"
"It would have to be the women's room."
"Didn't you pretend to be a guy? Surely you've been in a men's room before."
"Nope, I went to the bathroom in the woods, or when nobody was looking, I'd sneak into the women's room."
"I guess...as long as you put me outside of anyone's view."
"You're lucky I like you, Polnareff."
T: (chanting) bathroom time, bathroom time, bathroom time!
Me: Jin, knock it off.
DB: This is gonna be fun.
Me: Fuck you guys, just fuck you guys.
HP: Hey, this story is pretty embarrassing for me too.
Me: You weren't in the bathroom until after it happened!
HP: It's what that bitch did after the bathroom that was the problem.
"I wish I could just shit like a human again..." Polnareff muttered as he moved his little turtle legs from under the stall. "I can't even wipe."
"Don't worry, he'll be dead soon."
Polnareff paused, and looked up to see Mariah in the middle of a phone call. Uh oh...
"Yeah, I don't know what he's doing in Oklahoma, but Hawks has fallen right into my trap, he already touched Bastet." Mariah spoke confidently. "He's probably so confused...you will pay me for this, right?"
She's trying to assassinate Hawks! She hasn't changed at all!
"I can assure you, Lord DIO is trustworthy. He'll help you get back at those bastards, Necromancer...why do you want Hawks dead anyway?"
Necromancer? Is this guy associated with DIO?!
"Widespread chaos? Man, you're crazy...although I suppose the death of Japan's number two would cause some civil unrest. I'm surprised you're not going after Endeavor, that would cause some serious damage."
I need to warn the others! I can't speak up right now, or else she'll know I'm here!
"Are you flirting with me? Or Lord DIO?" Mariah looked confused. "BOTH?! I mean...I can hardly blame you."
...who is this guy?
"Alright, I've got to go, I've got a hero to kill...you can hang up now. Seriously. Stop talking..." Mariah sighed and hung up. "That guy mutters so much, he's like a mumble rapper."
Polnareff began to back up into the stall, when he began to float upwards.
WHAT?! WHAT?!
"Did you think I didn't see you? My my, how the mighty swordsman has fallen." Mariah turned to Polnareff, who was stuck on the metal handle of the bathroom stall. "You used to be quite a looker too."
"YOU BITCH!" Polnareff yelled, his little turtle legs flailing in a desperate attempt to free himself.
Mariah leaned over and looked the turtle in the eye. "I heard that you were a turtle, but my God, I thought it was some stupid joke! With how low you are to the ground, you really should've noticed that I put Bastet just under the door."
Polnareff could only struggle.
"How much of that did you hear, turtle boy? My client wouldn't want his plan getting out."
"Your client sounds insane!"
"Of course he is, he's trying to disassemble a whole country. Something about following in his mentor's footsteps...apparently he used to be a part of a US military force. Anyway, money is money, and Lord DIO seems to be backing this guy, so I don't care what he does."
"You'd aid the doom of Japan, all for a few BUCKS?!"
"Oh, it's a lot more than a few. Besides, I'm loyal to Lord DIO, and he's supporting this guy. So...I'm assuming that I'm going to meet the same fate as D'arby? DIO has reunited us once more, so word gets around pretty quickly...his son is here too?"
"SHE'S ONTO US!" Polnareff shouted into his computer from within the turtle. "EXECUTE PLAN B!"
Mariah ripped Polnareff free from the handle, and threw him right into the toilet. Polnareff felt himself being pulled inside. The metal piping from within was dragging him in.
Just then, the door was kicked open, and Hot Pants brandished Cream Starter, spraying the flesh directly at Mariah. Mariah dodged the oncoming spray, and raised an eyebrow at the newcomer. "One of your allies? What a disgusting ability! Wait...JESSICA?!"
Hot Pants had used her flesh spray to disguised herself as this security guard she knocked out earlier, but since they were found out it didn't really matter. Hot Pants ignored Mariah's taunt, and launched a side kick into the agent of DIO's stomach, cutting her off from making another one, and spun around to hit her with a roundhouse.
Mariah caught Hot Pant's ankle, pulled out a knife, and jabbed it straight into Hot Pants' thigh. Hot Pants grunted an attempted to free her leg, but Mariah threw the knife to the side...
And since Polnareff was still magnetized, the knife was pulled towards him...with Hot Pants in the way. The knife dug into the former nun's side, and the flesh covering her melted away as Hot Pants screamed, grabbing the hilt as she fought against the magnetic pull that was making it go deeper.
Mariah let go of Hot Pants, and watched as her opponent began staggering away. Thinking fast, Hot Pants slammed the door to the stall shut and shifted her weight, letting the knife pull itself out and slam into the door instead of the turtle.
It was too late though, and Hot Pants was bleeding profusely.
Mariah smiled as she exited the bathroom, leaving the drowning turtle and the wounded woman behind. "Amateurs...don't worry about Brando...I have...special plans for him."
Hot Pants vainly reached out towards the retreating enemy stand user, but fell to the floor. Damn it...she hurt me pretty bad...she might've hit my vitals, I'm bleeding out!
She's going after Diego!
Hot Pants weakly held up Cream Starter, and sprayed her own hand, watching as it came off. Her detached hand made it's way up to the stall door and wrenched it open, and began making it's way towards the toilet.
Luckily...I had a diet rich in iron, for this occasion.
Cream Starter began spraying iron towards Polnareff, somewhat negating the magnetic pull, and freeing him from the toilet. The turtle gasped for air, and fell to the floor.
DB: I was wondering why you were having beans for breakfast.
HP: My stand allows me to use my own flesh and blood to do as I please, and magnets weaken the more stuff is on them. If you coat a magnet with too much iron, it shorts out the magnetic field.
Me: And I'm very grateful you thought ahead, that would've been lights out...again. I would've lost this body too.
DB: Drowning in your own shit, what a way to go.
Me: Wha-
HP: Turtles can't flush, Polnareff. Your shit was still in there.
Me: Lalalalalala! I'm not listening!
DB: Your shit might've had some iron in it too, depending on what you ate...it could've been dragged out of the-
Me: STOP IT! LET'S JUST GET TO THE HAWKS FIGHT!
DB: Alright, you big load of bollocks. Still, I think my point has been proven, Polnareff and bathrooms don't mix.
Me: We were in a very dangerous situation, and you're turning it into a fucking poop joke?!
"Well...I should've known the League was behind this."
Twice froze, and turned to see Hawks walking towards him, brandishing a feather. The number two hero was covered in forks, knives, and several other metal objects. "W-wait, I'm no-"
"Save it, your attack failed...Twice, right?"
"Well...y-yes, but you're misunderstanding the situation! I-"
Hawks dashed forwards in an instant, sending several feathers Twice's way. The former villain squeaked and jumped off the roof, barely managing to escape the volley, but Hawks soon caught up with him, kicking him in midair.
Twice crashed down to the ground, landing on his back, and summoned a clone of himself to block another strike from Hawks. Nononononono! This is all wrong! I'm a good guy now! I'm a good guy!
I'M NOT A VILLAIN!
Twice ducked under another volley of feathers, and the stress of the situation began to overtake him. Tears were flying freely from his mask as he fled from the number two hero, and all he could do was shout.
"PLEASE STOP! PLEASE! I'M A GOOD GUY NOW! I'M A GOOD GUY!"
Either Hawks didn't hear him, or he didn't care. Perhaps the hero thought it was a desperate trick.
Twice was a wreck. Even after I betrayed the League, even after I got pardoned...the heroes are still chasing me, still assuming the worst of me...
It's hopeless...people will never see me as anything other than a villain...
Twice stopped running, and held up his hands. Hawks flew down and raised an eyebrow. "Surrendering?"
"There's no point in running...you'd arrest me no matter what. Even if I'm innocent."
Hawks raised an eyebrow. "You'll have to forgive me for mistrusting you, the word of a villain isn't exactly-OOF!"
Hawks had the wind knocked out of him as a Utahraptor crashed into him. "USHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Twice's eyes widened in shock as his friend tackled the number two hero off the building and into the air. What...what is he doing?
He'll get thrown in jail too!
Hawks was flying in circles, trying to get Diego off of his back, but Diego was holding on, half-dinosaur. "WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL WANKER!"
"THIS IS SAVING ME?!"
"YOU ATTACKED MY FUCKING FRIEND!"
He...he attacked the number two hero...one of the most respected heroes in the world...
For me...
He doesn't care about his reputation, or that he could get arrested for this...he cares about me.
Twice watched in a mixture of horror and gratitude. "What am I doing? Diego is putting his reputation on the line, he doesn't care if people see him as a villain...he's still the good guy."
Who cares what Hawks thinks?! Who cares what Himiko thinks?! I'm going to help my real friends!
Because that's what good guys do, that's what Diego does! Doing the right thing and being there for the people you care about, that's what the point is!
Twice whistled, imitating the way Diego did it, and Silver Bullet came galloping towards him. Twice patted the horse on the snout as he reached in the bag, and pulled out his new costume, ripping off the old black/grey mask and turning to glare at Hawks.
Hold on Diego, I'm coming!
DB: So...you were putting on a costume while I was putting my freedom on the line?
T: It was symbolic!
HP: I mean, yes...but Diego was in midair, riding the number two hero.
DB: Phrasing love.
HP: Oh no, that was intentional.
T: I mean...would it really be that bad?
DB:...
HP:...
Me:...
T: What?! What did I say?!
DB: He's growing up so fast...
T: No, that was the other me! What did I say?!
HP: Our baby.
T: I'M THREE YEARS OLDER THAN YOU!
Me: Look at him, finally getting ready to leave the nest and spread his wings!
T: WHAT DID I SAY?!
Hot Pants grunted as she pulled Polnareff through the middle of the spa, groaning as her wound began to open up again. The flesh had not completely settled, and she was feeling a bit anemic at the moment.
Perhaps using the iron from your body isn't particularly healthy.
She saw Mariah casually walking, greeting the cuatomers, but it was clear that the assassin was looking for Diego. Mariah's eyes widened as she caught a glimpse of Hot Pants pursuing her, and wrinkled her nose, her beautiful features twisting into something darker.
"Shit eating bitch..."
Hot Pants returned her glare, still dragging Polnareff. The metal objects all around the spa were pulling the turtle every which way, and it was only thanks to Hot Pants' anti-magnet flesh suit that he wasn't sleeping with the clumpnuggets.
"Be careful HP, Mariah is very intelligent. We could be walking right into a trap." Polnareff warned.
"Maybe so...but she needs to be stopped. If she kills Hawks, Japan would be in an uproar, and her client would be getting exactly what he wants."
"Which means that DIO would also be getting what he wants: another shot at destroying the Joestars." Polnareff said, darkly. "DIO knows this guy is dangerous, so he's using him to put the Joestars in danger..."
Hot Pants remembered Johnny and Joseph, and how she had formed quite the bond with both of them. Gyro, who had gone to pursue a hero career alongside his best friend...
She had to protect them.
She had to protect Diego.
Love and marriage wasn't something a nun should even consider, you're supposed to be married to God, and yet Diego Brando and his quest for redemption, one which mirrored her own, had stolen her heart...and...
Well...let's just say there was no way she could be a nun now.
Nor did she want to be. Hot Pants legitimately preferred her new life to her old one, filled with hoods and pretending that everything they did in the convent actually mattered. Now, she could make a real difference, alongside a man that she truly loved, and friends she truly cared for.
There was no way she was going to let this end.
"Alright Bonehead, Diego Brando and his cronies are here." Mariah said into the phone.
"So they are...man, Hawks looks pissed."
"You're...here?"
"Yes, I wanted to see if you were actually good at your job, and considering that Hawks is still alive, and fighting Brando..."
"All part of the plan. Still...I hope you have at the very least provided me with an escape route."
"I have, I think you'll like it."
"Is it flashy?"
"I would say poetic."
"Is there room for two?"
"...Two?"
"Yes...two." Mariah pulled out a small knife and smiled. "Because one of them is leaving with me."
"This wouldn't have anything to do with your lady boner for DIO, right?"
"You're one to talk."
"Fair, he's gorgeous. However, you need to kill Hawks. Seduce Diego Brando for all I care, but Hawks needs to die. Then we can make an even bigger splash with Endeavor!"
"Can I meet up with you first? I need to give you something in case something goes wrong."
"Is it something hot?"
"No, no it isn't, you stupid pervert goat fuck. It's important for my survival."
"...fuck."
"You...could get something a little warmer if you do this for me..."
"...fuck yeah."
"You aren't the only bird around here! I'll give you a run for your money!" Diego yelled out as he dodged a few feathers from Hawks.
"What are you talking about?! You're a dinosaur!"
"DINOSAURS."
Diego punched Hawks in the face.
"ARE."
Another one to the stomach.
"BIRDS!"
Diego drove his knee into the side of Hawks' head, grinning triumphantly as the number two hero actually seemed to be struggling against him. Huh...guess I'm not that bad.
Then again...all of that metal is probably weighing him down...
"So, what's a famous jockey doing hanging around criminals?" Hawks asked, sweating.
Yep, definitely weighing him down.
"Saving your ass!"
"Explain!"
"Twice was pardoned! He isn't with the League anymore!"
"I watched the Steel Ball Run." Hawks said, sending more feathers at Diego and conserving enough to fly. "You were the type to cheat and lie your way to the top! How do I know you aren't lying right now?!"
"If you knew half the shit I've gone through to change, you wouldn't be saying that right now!"
Hawks detached two feathers and hardened them, flying towards Diego and swiping at his hand. Diego batted aside the feather and began trading blows with the hero, and despite the metal objects weighing the hero down, they were neck and neck.
"MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!"
Hawks' blade work was impressive, but Diego's dino reflexes were just as good. They were in a stalemate.
Then Diego heard a voice.
A beautiful, yet somewhat annoying voice.
"DIEGO, MOVE!"
Diego did just that, ducking, as an entire fire escape came flying at Hawks.
Hawks didn't have time to react as a whole flight of metal stairs came crashing down on him, pinning him to the ground. Twice emerged from the shadows, carrying a wrench.
The grey on his old costume had been replaced by gold, and his new belt buckle was in the shape of a ladybug, signifying his new life within Passione. He walked over to Diego and hugged him, earning a confused look from the jockey.
"Uh...Jin?"
"Sorry...I just needed to hug you."
Diego smiled and hugged his friend back. "Well, thanks."
"Stellar job you two."
The two turned to see Hawks smirking at them.
"What the fuck do you...oh you fucking DONUT!" Diego pointed at Hawks accusingly. "You were testing us, weren't you?!"
"Bingo, well, Twice more than anyone."
"YOU KNEW I WAS INNOCENT?! YOU BITCH! OH THANK GOD I WAS SO SCARED! I HATE YOU!"
Hawks sat up, or tried to. "Sorry, but once I saw you were here, I had to. I wanted to know what you would do if you were suddenly on the other side of the conflict again, and you didn't disappoint. You went out of your way to save Brando as he saved you...and that's pretty awesome. You're a cool guy, Twice."
Twice blinked, sharing a look with Diego, before he realized something.
He, a former villain, just got praise from the number two hero.
"I...I don't know what to say..." Twice began to cry. "T-thank you..."
"How about goodbye?"
Diego and Twice turned to find Mariah had climbed onto the rooftop, and was brandishing a knife. Diego stepped forward, brandishing his claws. "Goodbye to you? Gladly."
Mariah smiled. "I wouldn't do anything rash...all I would have to do is let go of this knife to kill him. You see, it's coated with a poison from a certain type of frog, very lethal."
Diego faltered.
"Oh noooooo, what will I do?" If Hawks feared for his life in the slightest, his dry sarcasm made it practically invisible.
Mariah and Diego stared each other down, and while Diego's gaze was intense, Mariah's was intense in a...different way.
"You look so much like him..."
"Don't remind me."
"He's a beautiful man, as are you. Appreciate the gifts he gave you." Mariah stepped closer. "I know I am."
Diego could only give her a look of disgust.
"Have you ever had a real woman in your life?"
Hot Pants had caught up, and was listening with a glare frozen on her face, standing behind Mariah menacingly.
"Yes."
"I'm not talking about the nun, some stupid religious zealot who's corrupted you with meaningless rightousness. You can do so much better than her, why do you feel the need to mask your true self behind that...freak."
"She's the best thing that ever happened to me." Diego caught Hot Pants' eye. "I honestly don't think I could live without her."
"I could give you more, a better purpose." Mariah said, walking up to Diego seductively, all the while pointing the knife at the subdued Hawks. "Come on...I'm yours, if you want me..."
"You're old."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"You..."
"Me."
"You just sealed his fate."
Mariah let go of the knife, her face twisted into a snarl.
You reject me?! Fine! Hawks dies and the Necromancer gets what he wants! Then I'll kill that whore you seem to love so much!
FUCK YOU, YOU SHIT EATING BITCHES!
Then Mariah felt a pain in her side, and she looked down in confusion.
The knife was in her.
Mariah's eyes widened in a panic, and she began to hyperventilate.
THE KNIFE IS IN ME! THE POISON IS IN ME! HOW?! HOW THE FUCK?!
Polnareff emerged from between her legs, grinning from the key on the turtle's back. "Did you forget that you magnetized me too? All I had to do was stand under you, I was closer, so the knife prioritized me."
"MOTHERFUCKER!" Mariah shouted less out of anger and more out of sheer terror.
"Well, I hope you have an antidote...otherwise I think our job here is done." Diego said with a smile.
Mariah turned to run, only for Hot Pants to punch her across the face.
"A freak, huh?!"
Mariah turned and lept off of the building, landing on one of the rooftops. A loud SNAP was heard, and Mariah screamed as she desperately hobbled away on a broken leg.
Hawks pushed the metal off of him once she was a good distance away, and sighed. "Well, that was an experience...thanks, I guess I owe you guys one."
"You have some explaining to do, Chicken Boy."
Mariah fell to her knees, and began crawling towards the dark figure looming over her in the distance.
"Vial...give me...vial...has...antidote..."
The figure examined the vial, and got onto one knee, holding it out for the assassin to take. Mariah reached forward, her fingers desperately reaching for the lifesaving liquid.
Then the figure crushed it in his palm, right in front of her. A sadistic, yellow grin smiled, taunting her with how easily he had sealed her fate.
"W-why...?"
"Just because DIO is supporting me, doesn't mean I'm dumb enough to trust him and his acolytes. You were going to betray me eventually, so I decided to beat you to it."
"I...helped...you..."
A young man with a head of curly brown hair smiled back at her. His face was covered in boyish freckles, but a horn was growing out the side of his head. One eye was a bright blue, the other was an empty eye socket. He wore a black jacket, and a top hat.
He looked as though he was slowly becoming something other than human.
"Does it look like I care?" The Necromancer said, still smiling. "You failed, and...truth be told, I don't really need Hawks dead, do I?"
"What?!" Mariah looked enraged.
"Yeah, DIO is planning on forming an alliance with Santana, I may as well just go with him to Japan and accomplish my goals there." The Necromancer dropped the crushed remains of the antidote to the ground beside the dying stand user. "I guess I didn't need you at all."
"Fuck...you..."
"Sticks and stones Mariah. I wonder...how long will it take you to die?" The Necromancer leaned over. "A minute, two minutes? Three? I'm patient."
And so the villain sat there, flipping through some odd looking book, simply waiting for Mariah to die. The last thing she heard was the Necromancer muttering to himself, never pausing in it, as he took down notes in his book.
Then she finally died.
"Eh...too slow for my tastes." The Necromancer took a look at his watch. "That must've been excruciating...oh well, I've got a president-killing bastard to hunt down and murder, and then I have to recreate the world in my own image, so I'll be off. See you never, Mariah."
The Necromancer began dancing back into the shadows, singing some kind of song about the inevitability of death, and faded away from sight.
"So...you go to poker games with Mr. Joestar?"
"Yup." Hawks nodded his head. "Although for some reason he always beats me, even when I catch him cheating."
"He always has a backup plan." Diego said with a smile. "So that's how you knew about us, he blabbed to you."
"He had nothing but praise." Hawks said, returning Diego's smile. "And judging how quick you were to attack a hero for the sake of your friend, I can see he wasn't wrong."
"Well, just don't go attacking us out of nowhere again!"
"Will do." Hawks offered a hand, and Diego took it, giving it a firm shake. "Thanks, you really did save my life, I knew something was wrong about this place, but an assassination attempt wasn't something I was prepared for. I owe you guys one."
"Don't mention it."
"Nope, I owe you a favor now." Hawks insisted, and turned to Twice. "And you, no matter what anybody says, you're a good person, never forget that."
"I won't." Twice said, and shook Hawks' hand.
"I can tell that you and I are gonna be friends." Hawks said with a smile. "Alright, I better be off. Can't be away from Japan for too long, people might start getting suspicious."
"Why are you in America anyway?"
Hawks hesitated for a brief moment. "I'm sorry...I can't tell you much, it's classified...but let's just say I'm on the trail of a pretty dangerous guy."
"That's alright." Diego waved him off. "Official hero business, got it."
Hawks nodded, and waved goodbye. "I'll see you guys again sometime, good luck with your...unofficial hero business."
"Thanks."
Hawks flew off into the night, leaving the quartet to stand in the middle of a ruined spa, screaming patrons, and Mariah's recovered body.
"What are we going to do with this one?"
"We're not flushing it."
"I think I've had enough flushing for one day, thanks." Polnareff said.
DB: And that's that! Mariah fell upon her own sword, or knife, thanks to our shitty friend here!
Me: At this point I should just accept that you're an asshole.
T: I have. Diego's not an asshole!
HP: The way she talked about me was so demoralizing, like, holly hell. She's lucky I have thick skin, or I would've...
DB: You're beautiful.
HP: Huh?
DB: I said you're beautiful, you are. The most beautiful girl I've ever-
HP: You're buttering me up aren't you? You did something.
DB: NONONONONO! I...after rehearing what she said to you, I just thought that I don't tell you that as often as I should.
Me: She's blushing!
HP: FUCK YOU POLNAREFF!
T: I would like to remind you guys that he is literally recording everything we say.
DB: Balls.
Me: You're just damning yourself further Diego. Future generations could read this.
DB: Whatever, so...D'arby, then Maria-"
HP: Pet Shop.
DB: We don't talk about the fucking vampire bird, Hot Pants.
HP: To be fair, the only exciting thing about that fight was you getting frozen.
Me: Well, I think we left a pretty good impression on Hawks, he seemed to take a liking to us.
DB: Yeah, I like the guy, weird first impression, but he grew on me.
GG: *ahem*
DB: Oh hi Giorno, we were just talking abo-
GG: Polnareff getting flushed?
DB:...yes, er, how did you know?
GG: It happens about as often as Mista gets shot.
Me: Not you too!
GG: It's just plain fact, Polnareff. Anyway, a package for you, Diego.
DB: Oooooh!
*GG sets long package down in coffee table.*
GG: Johnny's girlfriend, Jiro, risked her life to get this to you, and it's a family heirloom, so please take care of it.
DB:...Is...IS THIS A FUCKING SWORD?!