Okay, I know I went dark again but so did my muse. I rewatched some of the old episodes and like lightning, it came back. I couldn't believe I had left this for so long. I had a review on my last chapter and wanted them to know that I listened to them. I hope that this chapter is more to all of your likings.
"Put some elbow grease into it!" Count Olaf yelled at Max and Bree while Klaus, Violet, and Sunny were weeding the… well, what Count Olaf considered a garden. To the eyes of everyone else, it looked like an overgrown pile of weeds with a dead thing here and there.
"Mr. Poe must have made a horrible mistake when he took us here," Violet said. "There's no way our parents would want us in Count Olaf's care if we can even call it that."
"She's right," Max agreed. "I think we should have an escape plan."
"What are you suggesting?" Bree asked.
"Violet and I can go to the dump and see if we can get one of the cars working," Max answered. "With Violet's expertise and my knowledge of hot-wiring, we could have a getaway car in no time."
"I think that could work," Bree said.
"What do you say, Violet? You with me?" Max asked her.
"I'd give it a resounding yes," Violet agreed. "When will we begin?"
"I'll tell Olaf that you and I are going to look for jobs tomorrow, if we're lucky the dump may need some extra hands and if it goes well, we'll start tomorrow," he told her.
"Sounds good," Bree said. "I'll work with Klaus and Sunny, see if we can't get this guardian business figured out. Mr. Poe might be able to shed some light on why we were put with Count Olaf in the first place. With Klaus' knowledge on almost everything, he might be able to convince Mr. Poe that we should be elsewhere."
"I will do everything I can to get us out of Count Olaf's care," Klaus promised.
"I wish our parents' money could be used now, instead of when you and I come of age," Violet said.
"Then we could buy a castle and live in it with armed guards patrolling outside to keep out Count Olaf and his troupe," Klaus imagined.
"With a large inventing studio," Violet continued.
"And a library," Klaus added.
"A lovely piano in the living room," Bree dreamed.
"And a tree house in the backyard like the one we used to have," Max concluded.
"Hurry up, orphans!" Count Olaf yelled, breaking them from the spell of their dream. "There's reupholstering to be done."
"Justice Strauss said her home was always open to us," Violet said.
"She said her legal library was always open to us," Klaus corrected. "It's not the same thing."
"I think the Justice would be more than happy if we came over for more than her books," Bree said. "She seems like someone who enjoys good company."
Meanwhile, Count Olaf continued to watch the children until one of his henchmen came up to him. "Can I warm that up for you?" the bald henchman asked, pouring some more coffee into the Count's cup. "And also give you some very bad news?"
"What is it?" he asked slightly annoyed.
"It's that secretary," he started.
"Shh!" Count Olaf quieted him as the children looked to him. "Not here."
When the Count returned, Max and Violet approached him. "Count Olaf," Max began.
"Yes? What is it urchins?" he asked annoyed.
"Violet and I are done with our chores and were wondering if we could look for some jobs around town," Max continued.
"Why are you getting jobs? Wait, Why isn't the taller girl going with you instead?" Count questioned.
"I'm sure you wouldn't be opposed to a little more money in this house," Violet offered. "Plus, someone has to take care of Sunny and my brother does better when he's got some help."
If needed to Klaus was fully capable of taking care of Sunny but this mission required Violet and Max and they didn't want anyone left alone in the house with Olaf and his henchmen. Since Count Olaf was able to strike Klause so easily, who's to say he couldn't do it again just as easily.
"Fine, fine, But I get half of your earnings," he told them.
"Of course sir," Max said as he took his sister's hand, leading them out of the large house.
"Don't stay out too late," he warned them.
"Yes Count Olaf," Violet answered as Max shut the door behind them.
"Alright little sister, Let's find a scrap yard," Max said. "There's one on the corner of Freemount rd and Boulevard lane."
"How do you know that?" Violet asked.
"Your mom and Dad used to make me memorize maps when I was 10. I had a very hard time doing it when Bree was in the doorway holding up A Knight's Tale wanting me to read it to her. Eventually, your mom ended up disciplining Bree every time I got distracted by her."
"That doesn't sound like Mom," Violet said confused.
"Your mom was different before you were born," he told her. "She wasn't as fond of me then and she certainly wasn't fond of Bree when I brought her home. She seemed to get more comfortable around us when you were born. She never got all that comfortable with Bree. I think she felt threatened by her."
"Why?" Violet asked. "Bree's the best big sister ever."
"That's just it though," Max began to explain. "Dad was disappointed when he found out your mom couldn't have any children and when I found Bree and brought her home, it was even harder for her. It was like even I could give dad something she couldn't and I was 9. She never forgave me for that. Your mom wanted to find her a home that just wasn't with us and when Mrs. Porter heard about Bree she was ecstatic to take her in."
"I don't remember a Mrs. Porter," Violet commented.
"She died nine months before you were born," Max told her, "her will dictated that Bree would live with Dad and me until she was 18. It's why Bree got to stay with us when the house burned down."
"Wow," Violet said melancholily. "I never knew that about mom. She seems so mean whenever you talk about her."
"Your mom was just lost before you and your siblings were born," he told her. "When you came into this world she promised you that she would be the best mother she could possibly be. She knew she was going to have to change. For the most part, she was able to do exactly what she intended to do."
"I just can't imagine that she was like that ever," Violet said.
"Luckily you don't have to," he told her, giving her hand a squeeze. "Don't think about her in this way. Remember how she was with you and Klaus and Sunny."
"So I've been wondering this for a while now, why doesn't Bree know how to read?" Violet asked.
"I think that's another story for another time okay? I will tell you later I promise but we're here," he answered, showing her the scrap yard. "Alright. Let's see if we can't get a job here, yeah?"
"Yeah," Violet answered as she looked at an inventor's dream world.
About a half an hour later Bree, Klaus, and Sunny finally were on their way to see Mr. Poe. They were all sitting on the trolly waiting to hear the conductor call their stop.
"Hey Klaus, what's that sign say?" Bree asked.
"It says, Linear Market," he answered.
"Huh, I wonder why they'd name a market that? I mean I have a guess as to why but they could have named it anything but they chose Linear Market. Perplexing," Bree said.
"Bree, why is it that you can't read?" Klaus asked her.
"I, um," she stuttered. She never liked explaining the real reason she couldn't read because the story painted not only her but Klaus' family in a light she didn't want them to have to look at. She supposed she could give him one of the reasons but not the main reason she couldn't read. "I supposed it was because I never thought I would really need to. I loved it when your brother would read to me late at night. We would curl up by the couch in front of the fireplace and he would take me to far off places that I could only dream of. It made him magical to me. Your brother loved taking care of me any way he could. I'd get a cut on my knee, he'd get a band-aid and kiss it better. I'd have a nightmare, he'd give me his favorite teddy bear, Captain Littleton, and sleep on the floor next to me. If I wanted to go to far away place, He'd read me my favorite, over and over again. He did the same things when you, Violet, and Sunny came into this world. Although, you both quickly moved on from fairy tales into research faster than either of us expected. To be honest, He tried to read it to you but he couldn't make it past the first chapter of, 101 ways to make a toaster."
"Wow, Really?" Klaus questioned.
"Really," Bree answered. "Your brother was the best thing that ever happened to me. If it weren't for him, I don't know where I'd be right now."
"Max really is your hero isn't he?" he asked.
"You have no idea," she told him. "Hey have we passed Oak Lane yet?"
"No, why?" he asked.
"I know a shortcut from there to the bank," she said.
"How do you know that?" he asked her.
"Your mother and father used to make Max memorize maps all over the place," Bree began, "I was the one who quizzed him before his dad and your mom tested him. You pick up a thing or two when you go over everything into the very early hours of the morning."
"All off for Oak Lane," the conductor called out to the passengers.
Klaus rang the bell so the trolly would know people were getting off.
"Alright, Let's see what damage we can repair," she squeezed Klaus' hand before moving it back to support a sleeping Sunny she'd been carrying.
After another 10 minutes of walking, Bree, Klaus, and Sunny had finally reached Mr. Poe. "Mr. Poe, we must speak with you, it's an emergency," Klaus told him.
"An emergency?" he asked surprised. "Very well, but I'm quite busy. My old secretary, a distinguished professional who showed up without fail for many years, has vanished. I've hired an underemployed artist with no prior experience who needs the occasional day off for auditions and performances. Plus, I've already had to reschedule a haircut several times. What can I do for you?"
"Count Olaf is a madman," Klaus began. "We can't stay with him."
"He struck Klaus across the face. See his bruise?" Bree asked.
"Oh, excuse me," Mr. Poe said as he picked up a ringing telephone. "Poe here. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Absolutely not. Thank you." He finally put the phone down and turned to the children, "I'm sorry. What were we talking about? Oh, yes, Count Olaf. I'm sorry you don't have a good first impression of him."
"He slapped Klaus in the face," Bree reemphasized. "He provides us with no additional clothing, he has no money to even take care of us with."
"He only provided us with one bed," Klaus said. "
"He makes us do a great many unconventional chores that take a toll on us," Bree said.
"Excuse me," Mr. Poe said as he answered the ringing phone. "Poe here. Seven. Seven. Seven. Seven. Anything but seven. You're welcome." he turned to the children again when he'd finally finished his phone call, "Children, everyone, at some time in their life, wishes they were being raised by people different than the ones who were raising you. When I was a little boy, I would have given my eyeteeth to be raised by an actor."
"He calls us orphans," Klaus said.
"You are orphans," Mr. Poe said.
"Dude, I have been bounced around so many times, I do not need the constant reminder and neither does everyone else," Bree told him.
"He has terrible friends," Klaus offered.
"I have terrible friends," Mr. Poe said.
"They look like they could kill us," Bree told him.
"One has hooks for hands," Sunny babbled.
"Speaking of not understanding a word someone is saying!" Mr. Poe coughed loudly and harshly. "Baudelaires, are you familiar with the term "in loco parentis"?"
"It sounds like Latin," Klaus said.
"Latin and legal. In loco parentis means acting in the role of a parent. It is a legal term and it applies to Count Olaf," he explained. "The actor is acting as your parent. And as your legal guardian, Count Olaf may raise you using any method he sees fit. So I'm sorry if your parents didn't make you do household chores, or if you like their friends more than you like Count Olaf's friends. But there are certain things you must get used to.
Now, I'm sorry if I have to usher you out posthaste, but I've got work to do.
posthaste means very, very…. "
"It means he'll do nothing to help us," Klaus said exasperatedly.
"Oh, on the contrary, I'll have my new secretary give you a ride home as soon as he's finished typing up that report," Mr. Poe told them.
Just then, the hook-handed man bumbled into the room with a typewriter firmly stuck on his hand, "I think we need to call the IT guy."
"That man works for Count Olaf," Klaus said.
"He did say Count Olaf was one of his professional contacts," Mr. Poe told them. "It was good seeing you, Baudelaires."
"Porter," Bree stated. "And we're not going back to Count Olaf's house! Look at Klaus' face!"
"Oh, no, no, no, orphans," he said pulling them close to him as he grabbed their shirts. "Look at mine."
Bree stared hard into the eyes of the man as did Klaus and Sunny but in the end, it did no good. "Well, If you are going to be driving us home, let's get that typewriter off your hand. I'd prefer knowing that I'm going to at least survive the trip back to my family." She pulled him to the desk and began untangling the ribbon and keys from his hands.
The drive back to Count Olaf's house was shorter than their trolley ride. Though Bree's gesture had been kind, it did not prevent them from being pushed around as they were forced to the parlor where Count Olaf was waiting for them.
"Shall I let them off the hook?" he asked Count Olaf. Bree gave a small laugh thinking he made a joke before Olaf gestured to let them go.
In any situation, a man sliding himself across a table to meet someone would be considered odd, but here it was downright creepy as he held out a plastic container holding vanilla cupcakes with raspberries on top. "I spent all morning making these cupcakes for you," he told him.
"Thank you," Klaus and Bree said simultaneously.
"There store-bought," Sunny babbled.
"Aren't raspberries delicious?" he asked. "They were my favorite berry when I was your age."
"But we're all different ages," Klaus said.
"A long time ago he used to be 11 and then 5 years later he was 16. He was once the age we are now and at that time his favorite berry was a raspberry," Bree told him. "But no, I like strawberries better."
"I want to talk to you about something," he said changing the subject. "I recently received a call from Mr. Poe."
"Is that so? I'm sorry Mr. Poe bothered you," Klaus said.
"I'm glad he did because I want you three children to feel more at home here," he told them. "Now that I am your father. As you know, I have been working hard with my theater troupe, and I'm afraid I may have acted a bit standoffish."
The word "standoffish" is a wonderful one, but it does not describe Count Olaf's behavior toward the children. "Standoffish" refers to a person who, for various reasons, is not associating with others. It is a word which might describe somebody who, during a party, might stand in a corner instead of talking to another person.
It would not describe somebody who provides one bed for five people to sleep in, forces them to do horrible chores and strikes them across the face.
Therefore There are many words for people like that to make you feel a little more at home here but "standoffish" isn't one of them.
"I want you to participate in my next play.
"Participate how?" Bree asked.
"I'm The play is called The Marvelous Marriage," Olaf started. "And it's by the great playwright Al Funcoot. We will give only one performance, this Friday night. It tells the story of a very handsome and good-looking man, played by me. You, Klaus, and Sunny will play three cheering people in the crowd."
"But we're shorter than most adults," Klaus told him. "Won't that look strange to the audience?"
"You'll be playing three midgets," he told him quickly.
"And what will Max and Violet do?" Bree prompted. "Build the sets?"
"Build the sets? Oh, heavens, no," he laughed like it was crazy.
"My sister is very good with tools and my brother is very adept with electronics and rigging, as he calls it," Klaus told him
"A pretty girl like her shouldn't be working backstage," he told them. "And that boy has enough charisma to play the villain of the incredibly handsome man, who will fall victim to the incredibly handsome man's sword. No doubt. And she will be playing the young woman I marry. It's a very important role although she'll only have one line, and I think you know what it is."
"I don't," Klaus told him.
"No, no, no. It's, I do," he corrected him.
"Wait so all the props on the stage will be fake right?" Bree asked him. "Because if Max really gets killed, you can't steal his fortune because it will all go into charity."
"What?" he asked now annoyed.
"It's true," she told him. "Max's Mother was a very giving type. If she couldn't give to her son, she would give to others as dictated in her will."
They swore he actually growled at the recent development that had come into the light. This probably set him back further than he planned but he would probably just figure something out on the fly.
"Count Olaf," Klaus inquired.
"What did you call me?" he asked him in the same tone.
"Father," Klaus corrected himself, hating how it sounded when it came off his tongue. "I'm not sure we're talented enough to perform professionally. We'd hate to disgrace your good name and the name of Al Funcoot."
"Plus, Max and Violet will be very busy the next few weeks working at their job," Bree added.
"And learning how to prepare roast beef," Klaus commented.
"You will participate in my theatrical performance!" he slammed his fist on the table. "I would prefer it if you participate voluntarily, but as I believe Mr. Poe has explained to you, I can act loco parentheses."
"In loco parentis," Klaus corrected.
"Poco De Laurentiis," he poorly repeated.
"In loco parentis," Klaus said again.
"Pocar De Testes," he tried again.
"Dude, It is not that hard," Bree said shooting Klaus and Sunny a concerned look. "In loco parentis."
"The point is," he said, done trying and clearly done with them. "I can order you to participate, and you must obey. Now go talk to the woman in the wig. I can't stand looking at you anymore."
Bree, Klaus, and Sunny were happy to be leaving the depressing walls that constantly screamed, Here, You shall die! They walked across the street and headed to Justice Strauss's house who, unlike Count Olaf, was not standoffish at all.
"You think he was trying to poison us with those raspberries?" Klaus asked his sisters.
"Count Olaf may be a bit… challenged but he's not stupid," Bree told him. "He doesn't know everything about the wills and so if he does something and it affects the fortune then it means all the work he's done was for nothing. Killing us might jeopardize it."
"What good would it do to be in a performance of The Marvelous Marriage?" Klaus asked.
Marriage is like sharing a root beer float or agreeing to be the back half of a horse costume. Even when it's happening onstage, you should only do it with the people you love. I have never been married myself, however, I do dream of one day sitting with my husband on the porch swing talking about our kids and retelling every adventure we've had and the ones we have yet to go on. One day.
"Baudelaires! Ms. Porter! I'm so happy to see you," she told them. "Are you here to continue your research?"
"Actually, Justice Strauss, Klaus wanted to research something else.
Do you have anything on local ordinances?" Bree asked.
"Ah, local ordinances," the Justice sighed and then realized what she said. "Wait, are you sure? Even I don't like reading such books, and I work at the High Court."
"I'm actually considering a career in law," he told her. "I find those books quite fascinating."
"Well, to each his own," she smiled. "There are countless types of books in this world, which makes good sense because there are countless types of people."
Bree was looking over the library as if it were different than the last time she saw it. Her eyes roamed over the books but not really landing on anything in particular. It was like she was just looking at them instead of for one.
"And what would you be looking for Ms. Bree?" she asked her kindly.
"Oh I'm afraid that I won't be able to help much," she told her. "Klaus has always been better with books than I am. I wouldn't even know where to start or try." It was a lame excuse but she really hadn't ever needed to make an excuse because everyone in the Baudelaire family knew she couldn't read but she didn't exactly want to tell the world that.
"Oh?" Justice Strauss asked. "Well, what kind of things do you like?"
"Um, I don't know. I guess I've always been one to make my own adventures than to read them," she told her. "Max and his siblings have always had big imaginations and it was very easy to have the most amazing adventures with them."
She nodded sort of understanding. She walked over to one of the bookshelves and pulled out a blue book with gold etching to display the title. Bree had no idea what it said but it looked as nice as it could without a picture. "What is it?" she asked.
"This," she started. "Is a book on how to write your own book. It explains how to make a story come alive on paper. This way you can have your adventures and share them with others."
"Thank you," Bree told her she held the book close and ran her fingers over the gold indents. "I promise I'll return this sooner than later."
"Take your time darling," she told her. "I suspect you could become a great writer if you set your mind to it."
Bree nodded her head and went over to sit by Klaus.
"Sunny, would you like to come with me into the garden while your siblings tackle all this reading?" she asked her picking her up. Sunny made it clear that the answer was yes. She smiled before noticing that something happened to Klaus's face. "Klaus, what's happened to your face?"
"We're trying to find out," he told her.
"Well, I do have a section on rashes," she offered. "It's right next to Chinese cars."
"Thank you," Bree said before the Justice left with Sunny.
"Why didn't you tell her you couldn't read?" Klaus asked. "I'm sure she could have helped you."
"Klaus, There are a lot of things I have questions about. Some that I will never get the answer to. I would rather not have to answer everyone's questions of why I can't do what a six-year-old can do," she told him. "I'm ashamed. I wish I had learned to read. Unfortunately, I didn't. The good thing is, I don't have to tell anyone else."
"Would you want to continue learning how to read?" he asked her.
"Maybe later," she told him. "Right now, we have to figure out what Count Olaf is up to. This play is definitely a factor, we just have to figure out how."
Meanwhile, Max and Violet were walking around in the scrap yard looking for the owner of the place. Towers of metal and scraps spiraled high into the sky from all over the place. Cars, refrigerators, tractors, every type of machine that had broken down over the years, all scattered about.
"I don't see anyone," Violet told him.
"Yeah me neither," he told her. "Well, If we can't find someone, then we should be free to use whatever we…."
Violet stopped abruptly when the hand she'd been holding all of a sudden stopped moving with her. She turned to find Max staring at a car. "Max? What is it?"
Max started walking towards the car. "I can't believe it," he told her. "It's really here. Dad's old 1956 red and brown Chevy." He opened the door and sat down in the driver's seat. "It's all still here, The wobbly rearview mirror, the grape stain on the back right seat, the crazy yellow seats, it's all here."
Violet hopped in the passenger seat and wrinkled her nose at the crazy mix match of smells, colors, and the general crazed mayhem of the back seats. "Dad really owned this thing?" she asked.
"Oh, this baby was dad's pride and joy," Max told her, gently stroking the dashboard. "Mom got this for him for his birthday when I was six years old. I remember it was the coolest thing either of us had ever seen. Everything looked exactly the same except there weren't any random parts in the back and it definitely smelled nicer. Dad used to take me and mom on these crazy trips to the middle of nowhere and somehow, and I still don't know how, we always managed to find some old drive in and we'd see the latest movie.
Then mom passed and dad met your mom. It wasn't the same. He tried to take her on trips like that but she never liked the uncertainty of it. He'd take me though, every Saturday night. I saw Bree for the very first time in this car. She came home for the first time in this car. She loved Saturday nights with me and dad.
Then three years later, your mom was pregnant with you. Dad knew that he'd have to leave this car behind and get a safer car for when the baby came. Bree and I begged dad not to sell it but he sat us down and explained to us that we may be losing a car we were going to be getting something even better, a little sister."
Violet stared at him with awe. This car meant so much to Max. It was amazing this car was still in the good condition that it was in and that they had even found it. "Can we fix it?" she asked him.
"I hope so," he told her. "Dad always kept the keys in the driver's visor." He pulled it down and they keys fell down on to his lap along with a folded piece of paper.
"What's that?" Violet asked him.
"I don't know," he told her flipping it over to find the name Bree written in his dad's handwriting. "That's strange. Why would my dad leave a note to Bree in our old car?"
"I don't know but maybe we can find out when we get home," Violet told him.
"You're right," he told her. "Let's see if this thing still works." He put the keys in the ignition and started the car up. It sputtered at first but then it became a good clear sound. They'd have to give it a tune up soon but right now, it would be a nice way to get home. "Alright," he looked to his baby sis. "Let's go home."
Please ley me know what you think by reviewing. Better? Worse? Let me know.