Thanks again for the review Love. Fiction. 2020!
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The rain poured down even harder than the day before as Amaya sat alone on a bench in an outdoor gazebo, watching Luke call out to the padawans as they ran through the obstacle course. Every now and then she would catch a glimpse of one of them darting between the trees, covered in mud, before they would disappear again into the forest. She closed her eyes, reaching out with the Force until she could practically see them, climbing over boulders, swinging on ropes through the trees, and crawling through underbrush. Their lightsabers blazed through the trees, cutting down targets with an ease that outright terrified Amaya. She couldn't imagine herself ever being this deadly. Then again, that was why she was here, she reminded herself. To learn how to be deadly. Wars could not be won without force after all.
Alone for the first time all day, Amaya let her mind drift back to the home she had left. She missed it. She missed the heat, the crystal blue ocean, the dusty streets, the smell of the marketplace...She missed it all so much it hurt. Not to mention the people. Amaya closed her eyes as she remembered the faces of the friends she had found in one of the worst places in the galaxy. They were survivors...all of them. Nothing scared them. Having grown up on her pristine island with her mother had spoiled her. She'd been wholly unprepared for the harshness of the world beyond the island and it had taken her a while to adapt. She thought back once more to Ben's description of the Dark Side of the Force. Yes, she had definitely been consumed by the Dark Side for a time, Amaya thought, as she remembered the terror of her first year as an orphan. But it had subsided. She'd regained her footing, she'd found her place, and now she was stronger because of it. In fact, a part of her was grateful for the horrors she'd had to endure. Without them she would still be the same scared little girl she'd been when she'd left her home island.
"You were on fire today!" Amaya heard Hennix cry, punching Ben playfully in the shoulder. She stood up, wrapping her arms around herself to keep out the chill, as the four padawans and Luke returned to the gazebo, completely drenched and covered in mud.
Ben laughed, and Tai wrapped his arm around him, joining in on the praise. Voe walked beside the three boys, her face solemn. So much for Jedi not feeling jealous, Amaya thought to herself as she watched Voe.
"Alright, I've got to get back to the level 2s." Luke said as the padawans entered the gazebo, tracking mud and water in with them. "I expect you all to go over the pages I assigned last class together in the library this evening. If you have any questions I'll be in my study after evening meditation and you can come by then."
The padawans nodded, still panting from the exercise. "Thanks Master Luke." Hennix said, as Luke walked away, returning to the temple.
"Well that was brutal." Hennix said, once Luke was out of earshot, "Shall we go inside, recover, and then regroup in the library in an hour?"
The others nodded, looking exhausted. "Amaya, I'll give you the chapters we had to read ahead of today's session when we get back. You can read before we go to the library to discuss." Ben said, and Amaya looked over at him, surprised.
"Sure." She said, "Thanks."
Voe stood up abruptly, turning to leave the gazebo, "Well I'm going inside to shower." She announced, prompting the others to follow. Amaya braced herself for the torrential downpour and winced as she stepped out of the protection of the gazebo.
"You should have really brought a coat." Ben said, falling into step beside her.
"I don't have one." Amaya replied, trying to look at him without getting water in her eyes.
"Who doesn't have a coat?" Ben asked incredulously.
"People from Alfazine." Amaya replied.
Ben fell silent for a moment and slowed his pace. Amaya slowed down to match him as the others moved on ahead.
"I think I know how to get Master Luke to let you stay." Ben whispered and Amaya frowned, turning to look at him. This morning she'd been convinced he didn't want her here...now he was offering to help her? It didn't make sense.
"How?" Amaya asked.
"Have you ever had a dream that came true?" Ben asked, and Amaya felt a chill run through her that had nothing to do with the cold as she remembered the nightmares that had plagued her in her childhood.
"Yes." She said simply.
"Okay well Master Luke puts a lot of stock in dreams even if there's no evidence whatsoever they've been created by the Force. I once told him I dreamed the temple was destroyed by a storm and now every time there's a hurricane he makes us all sleep in the basement training room." Ben said, rolling his eyes.
"So what's your plan?" Amaya asked.
"I tell him I had a dream in which you saved the temple from being destroyed by the storm." Ben said, his eyes lighting up. Amaya felt herself shaking her head before he could even finish speaking.
"No, Ben." Amaya said, "I don't want you to lie for me."
"Why not? He'll never find out the truth." Ben said eagerly, "And even if he does, I'll be the one in trouble, not you."
"I'm not getting in on a lie." Amaya said decisively, "If Master Luke doesn't think it's a good idea for me to be here then that's his decision. I'm not going to manipulate him into changing his mind. Besides, lying to your Master has got to be against some sort of Jedi code of ethics, right?" She added, raising an eyebrow.
"I thought you didn't approve of Jedi ethics." Ben replied.
"I never said I didn't approve of them." Amaya said, "I just think they're impossible to live up to."
"Well don't you think it's more unethical for Master Luke to deny you the training you deserve than it is to tell a small, inconsequential lie? Master Luke is wedded to the Jedi ideals and he won't depart from them even when they cause more harm than good. You're strong with the Force. I can feel it. You could be more powerful than most of the other padawans here with proper training. Why should you be denied the opportunity to become a Jedi just because your mother hid you away from the world when you were a child?" Ben argued, the passion in his voice confusing Amaya to no end.
"Why do you even care if I get to stay here?" Amaya asked, the question coming out more harshly than she had intended.
Ben flinched, "Because it would be a waste of talent to turn you away."
Amaya narrowed her eyes, unable to believe this was his real motivation. "I appreciate you wanting to help." Amaya said, "But I don't want to lie to Master Luke."
Ben fell silent, his face pensive. "I understand." He said at last.
They continued to walk in silence as they entered the temple and climbed the stairs to the dormitories. Amaya felt Ben's mood darken as the silence between them thickened. At last, they reached Ben's room and Ben stopped to pull out his keys.
"I'll get you the Jedi text to read." Ben said, without looking at her as he moved to unlock his door.
"Ben," Amaya said, not wanting to lose what precious progress she had made with him, "I really do appreciate you wanting to help. It means a lot to me."
Ben was silent for a moment before looking at her, "It's unfortunate." He said, "Your refusal to lie to get in to the temple is the very reason you'd be a good Jedi."
Amaya frowned, something in his voice making her deeply unsettled. "I'll go get you the book." Ben said, disappearing into his room.
Amaya bit her lip, staring at a crack in the paint on his door. Ben returned a moment later with the book and handed it to her. "We're covering pages 18-21." He said.
"Thanks." Amaya said, giving a tight lipped smile as he closed the door. Amaya turned on her heel, returning to her room, eager to learn more about this Jedi philosophy.
First, however, she needed to shower and change. The clothes Voe had given her were still soaked from the rain and she was freezing. Amaya felt incredible relief as she stepped into the hot shower, relishing in the feeling of the warm water. No one, except the ultra rich, had warm showers on Alfazine. It was simply too hot all the time to warrant installing a heater to warm the water. But now, on this cool and damp planet, Amaya decided she would take a warm shower every night just for the fun of it.
Finally building up the motivation to step out of the shower, Amaya dried herself off and changed into some of the clothes she had brought. She wrapped her long hair in a towel, settling onto her bed to read the Jedi text Ben had given her. She thumbed through the book, turning to page 18 to find a series of short poems interspersed with beautiful illustrations.
The baby is born and the first thing it does is cry.
Why is it's first reaction to life sadness?
Could it be it senses what lies ahead?
Or could it simply be the baby is already discontent.
The baby has been given life and yet it cries.
It cries because it wants.
It wants because it lives.
ooo
A young girl lies awake at night, scared of the dark.
She watches the shadows, expecting to see a monster.
She listens carefully, expecting to hear an intruder.
She lights the oil lamp, desperate for light.
A bird screeches and she drops the lamp.
The light becomes the danger.
ooo
A mother watches her son die.
Her other children beg her for food and water.
She doesn't hear them over the sound of her own tears.
The children pull on her clothes and cry for help.
By the time the mother notices, they too are dead.
ooo
A boy's father is killed by thieves in the night.
The boy grows up and searches for the thieves.
The boy finds one of the thieves at home with his son.
During the night, the boy kills the thief.
The thief's son grows up and searches for the boy.
Amaya lowered the book, letting the stories wash over her. They were beautiful...and dark. Amaya pulled the towel off her hair, letting it fall down around her shoulders, cool and damp. She flipped through the rest of the Jedi text, glancing at the images and titles of other sections.
A sudden knock on her door jolted Amaya out of her reverie. She slammed the book shut, jumping out of bed. "Coming!" She called, putting on her shoes before opening the door to reveal Ben's face.
"I like this book a lot." Amaya said, handing the book back to Ben before locking the door behind her.
"I've read the entire thing twice." Ben admitted, as they walked.
Amaya turned to him, her face lighting up in surprise, "Wow." She breathed, "Which poem's your favourite?"
Ben flipped through the book and opened it to a page near the end. "This one." He said, pointing to a slightly longer text above a drawing of a wolf.
Amaya took the book, reading it as they walked. "A young girl brought home a wolf cub and presented it to her grandfather. Her grandfather shook his head and told her she couldn't keep it. Wolves are vicious, dangerous creatures, the grandfather said. They will eat you whole. The girl pleaded and pleaded with the grandfather until finally he relented. Okay, you can keep it, he said. Just keep it away from me. Happy, the girl raised the wolf cub until it was full grown. One day, the girl became ill and asked the grandfather to care for the wolf. The grandfather shook his head. Wolves are vicious, dangerous creatures. They will eat you whole. The girl begged him until finally the grandfather agreed to feed the wolf. The grandfather chained up the wolf and fed it just enough scraps to keep it alive. He beat it every time he approached it, afraid it would lash out at him. A month later, the girl was dead and the grandfather, overcome with sorrow approached the wolf. You are a vicious, dangerous creature, the grandfather said, not noticing the chain tying the wolf to the post had rusted. The wolf, desperate and on the verge of starvation lunged for the grandfather. The rusted chain broke...and the wolf ate the grandfather whole."
Amaya looked over at Ben as she finished the story, a chill running down her spine. "The grandfather was so convinced the wolf was vicious and dangerous that he inadvertently made it vicious and dangerous." Ben said, taking the book back from Amaya.
"He made his own fears come true." Amaya agreed, still slightly disturbed by the story.
Ben nodded, "If he'd just given the wolf a chance, he would have seen it wasn't the monster he thought it was."
Amaya nodded, "Why is that your favourite story?"
Ben shrugged, "I don't know." He said, "I guess I like it because the grandfather gets what he deserves."
Amaya laughed, "He deserved to be eaten?"
"Well he starved and beat the wolf for a month for no good reason." Ben replied, somewhat defensively.
"I think it's a tragedy." Amaya said, "The grandfather never learns he was wrong about the wolf. His belief that wolves are vicious and dangerous is vindicated. And the wolf never learns how to be anything but vicious and dangerous. It loses the girl, the only one who ever cared for it, and it's left traumatized and alone."
Ben was quiet for a moment before nodding, "You're probably right." He said at last.
Amaya's eyes widened as they reached the library at last. The room was entirely circular and filled with thousands of books. A spiral staircase rose up through the middle of the room, allowing access to the higher books. Behind the staircase, a door led into a small antechamber filled with yet more books and a long rectangular table. Ben led the way into the antechamber where Voe, Hennix, and Tai were already seated, discussing the texts.
"So Amaya, what did you think?" Voe asked excitedly as she sat down.
"They were fascinating." Amaya said, meaning it wholeheartedly. "Dark...but fascinating."
Voe laughed, pushing forward her copy of the text. "So what did we get out of the first one?" She asked the others, "Tai you're scribing right?"
Tai nodded, holding up his pen and paper. "We have to write down what we think the lessons are from each poem and give it to Luke." Hennix explained to Amaya.
"The first one was about desire being something all livings creatures are born with." Tai said, "Do you all agree with that?"
"Yes." Voe said, "Also the part about the baby being discontent even though it was just given life sounds like the author's trying to say living creatures are often stuck in a constant state of ungratefulness. They're never content with what they have they just want more and more and more."
Tai nodded, writing what she said down.
"What about the part where they ask whether the baby is sensing what lies ahead? Are they implying that life will necessarily be difficult?" Hennix asked.
"Possibly." Tai said, nodding, "That would make sense."
"The last line." Amaya said, drawing the others' attention towards her. "It wants because it lives...If wanting is a result of life then is it possible to live and not want?"
"Well that's the goal of a Jedi." Tai said, looking up from his paper, "We strive to let go of desire and attachment altogether and accept things as they are."
"But to accept things as they are...wouldn't that be to accept desire and attachment as a part of life?" Amaya asked, and Tai hummed thinking.
"I think you can be free of desire and attachment but still accept that other people are still ruled by these things." Tai said slowly, "Does that make sense?"
"But if you think desire and attachment are bad-" Amaya began but she was cut off by Voe.
"It's not that they're "bad", it's that they lead to suffering, and that's a fact. The Jedi don't want to suffer so they remove desire and attachment." Voe explained.
"Yes but then if they don't want to suffer then they are desiring something." Amaya said.
"Perhaps they are initially desiring to be free of desire," Tai admitted, "But once they are free of desire and attachment they no longer desire to be free of it, they just are free of it. It's just their new reality."
"Oh." Amaya said, settling back down in her chair, "Okay. I get it now."
"So number two?" Voe asked, and the others nodded.
"This one is similar to the wolf one, Amaya," Ben said, and Amaya nodded, "The girl's fear creates the danger itself."
"What wolf one?" Voe asked, looking between them.
"On page 36." Ben said, "I just read it for fun a while back."
"You read ahead?" Voe asked, a hint of jealousy entering her voice.
"I think that's really all we needed to get from that one." Tai said, saving Ben from having to respond. "What about number 3?"
"Well in this one the mother was so consumed by her grief that she forgot her duty to her other children." Hennix said.
"More than that her attachment to her dead child was so great that it caused her to lose her other children." Voe added.
Ben nodded, "If you spend all your time wishing for what you don't have instead of appreciating what you do have, you might lose what you have left."
Tai nodded, writing all of this down. "Okay last one." Voe said, checking her watch, "We need to be in the kitchen in 10 minutes."
"The kitchen?" Amaya asked.
"We're cooking dinner tonight." Voe replied, "It's our turn on the schedule."
"Oh so this morning and lunch..." Amaya began.
"Yea the other meals were cooked by some of the younger padawans. Everyone 13 years and older has to help out with the cooking. Everyone 8 years and older has to help out with the gardening and farming. And everyone, no matter how young, has cleaning duties." Voe explained.
"Okay so the last one is about the cycle of revenge." Tai said.
Hennix nodded, "If we give in to our own hatred, we will spread it. The Dark Side is contagious."
Amaya glanced over at Ben, remembering their earlier conversation.
Ben made eye contact with her, "But the boy had a choice. He could have chosen not to hate." Ben said, "He chose the Dark Side, it wasn't forced on him. Maybe it was in his nature to begin with."
"It would have taken more strength than most people possess to let go of his desire for revenge." Amaya said, "Should he really be faulted for not being strong enough?"
"I wouldn't say the poem is passing judgment on him." Tai replied, "It's just stating facts. Whether or not the boy can be blamed, morally, is irrelevant. The fact is he perpetuated hatred through his actions. Hennix is right, the Dark Side is contagious. Like a disease."
"So the Dark Side is not bad, morally speaking?" Amaya asked. Tai paused in his writing to look up at her.
"I suppose it depends on your sense of morality." He said.
"Do the Jedi believe it is bad?" Amaya asked.
"Yes." Ben said, and Amaya turned to look at him.
"So the Jedi would blame the boy in the poem, morally, for perpetuating hatred?" Amaya asked, and Ben nodded.
"Definitely." He replied without a shadow of a doubt. "Wouldn't you all agree?" He asked the room.
Amaya looked around the room as the others nodded slowly, looking lost in thought.
"The Jedi have high standards for morality." Amaya commented.
"I suppose you could say that." Tai agreed.
The room fell silent as Tai finished writing. Amaya stared at the table, conflicted. The more she learned about it, the more she agreed with Jedi philosophy. But the more she learned the more she pitied those who would fail to live up to the Jedi ideals. Surely, very few individuals achieved such levels of morality. Did that mean the rest were condemned to forever feel inadequate? Or worse, to fall to the Dark Side as the only perceived alternative to being a Jedi? Surely there should be some sort of middle path. Some sort of attainable standard that was accessible to everyone.
Ben watched Amaya out of the corner of his eye as Tai finished writing. She was thinking deeply about something, her eyebrows creased and her gaze far away.
What an interesting girl.
Ben froze, his fists involuntarily clenching into fists as the voice inside his head laughed.
Not now, Snoke. Ben thought angrily.
I'm merely agreeing with what you were already thinking. Snoke replied, She's pure. She knows nothing of the legacy of the Skywalkers, of the Jedi, and the Sith. She has no notion of Light and Dark, only the Force.
She's made for the Light. Ben thought back, remembering her reaction to his offer to lie for her.
Perhaps. Snoke conceded, But perhaps not as much as you think.
Ben narrowed his eyes, suddenly suspicious. What do you know, Snoke?
His question was met by hollow silence and Ben gritted his teeth. He was playing with him. It was possible he didn't even know anything about Amaya.
"Okay, shall we go?" Tai said at last, bringing Ben back to the present.
"Yes!" Voe exclaimed, standing up quickly, "I'll go get the Tarsi root from the gardens."
Ben cringed internally at her enthusiasm, once again finding himself wishing for just one day without Voe. She was exhausting. When she wasn't jealous, she was critical, and when she wasn't either one of these things she was annoyingly energetic and loud.
"What are we making?" Ben heard Amaya ask as they filed out of the library. He fell behind the others, not wanting to leave the quiet and calm of the room.
"It's a seafood dish from my home planet." Ben heard Hennix tell Amaya, "I don't know if you'll be able to pronounce the name. Humans usually have trouble with it."
"It's Lllevalyn stew." Voe said and it was all Ben could do not to snort out loud.
Hennix laughed. "See that is how not to pronounce it." He said, "You have to use the back of your throat, almost like you're going to puke."
"Ew." Amaya said, wrinkling her nose with such genuine disgust that Hennix and Voe burst into laughter. Ben's lips twitched, almost reaching a smile before descending again.
Tai fell into pace beside him as the other three walked in front, chattering happily among themselves.
"She's smart." Tai said, his voice just barely above a whisper.
Ben nodded, watching Amaya from behind as she laughed at something Hennix had said.
"I wouldn't mind having her stay but I know Master Luke." Tai said, sighing, "He won't allow it."
"He's so stubborn." Ben said, a small fire igniting inside him at the thought of his uncle's dogmatic adherence to Jedi rules, "She clearly belongs here. He's just so obsessed with resurrecting the Jedi Order that he's making the same mistakes the original Order made."
"He's just scared of failing." Tai said diplomatically and Ben rolled his eyes.
"What is it he always says?" Ben sneered, "Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi? I guess he doesn't intend to meet his own destiny."
Tai fell silent for a moment and Ben sensed worry hidden under his friend's calm exterior.
"I overheard Master Luke sending a hologram message to your mother last night. Apparently he's planning on sending us to Endor on some kind of mission. Someone's been harvesting too many Ewoks and the New Republic wants it dealt with before the population becomes endangered." Tai said.
Ben sighed, "I bet my mother was the one who asked him to deal with this problem in the first place. Probably no one else in the New Republic would do anything. She has some sort of strange fondness for Ewoks I've never understood."
"That sounds like your mother." Tai agreed.
The two fell silent as they entered the kitchen and Voe and Hennix began pulling out pots and pans left right and center. Ben flinched as Voe threw a bag of potatoes at him, barely catching the heavy load before it crashed to the floor.
"Can you not throw the food?" Ben said, irritated. If Voe heard him, she pretended as if she hadn't, continuing on with her fast-paced work.
"There's some cutting boards over here." Hennix said, and Ben walked over to him, dropping the potatoes onto a large cutting board in between him and Amaya.
"Knife?" Amaya asked, handing him a large kitchen knife, which Ben gratefully accepted.
"So what was your favourite food on Alfazine?" Hennix asked Amaya as they worked, all of three of them chopping away as Voe and Tai began boiling the Lllevalyn.
"Well there's this type of edible coral that grows on the bottom of the sea." Amaya said, as she chopped. "I used to dive down and get it and we'd make this desert out of it. I don't even know what the real name of the dessert is because my mom always just called it sweet coral."
"Well that is incredibly obscure." Hennix replied and Amaya laughed.
Hennix engaged her in more mundane conversation about Alfazine and its food and Ben let his mind wander, thinking back to the mission Tai had told him about. They were going to save Ewoks. The small, stupid hairy creatures that had thought C-3PO, a rather larger and less hairy, but equally stupid droid, was a god. They should just let them die, Ben thought. It was a miracle a race that idiotic had even survived this long. Why should the Jedi have to carry out the missions the New Republic felt were too unimportant to warrant their attention?
Unsatisfied are you, my boy? Snoke's voice rang in his ears.
This time, Ben welcomed it. Good. Someone he could vent to who wouldn't think he was heartless for not caring about the stupid Ewok.
The Jedi Order in the Time of the Old Republic was so much stronger than the one Master Luke is trying to create now. Ben thought. I think it's Master Luke who's holding us back. He's too set in his ways. He's too afraid to push us. We could be doing so much more. Instead we're stuck on this island for most of the year training for what? To save Ewok from inevitable extinction?
Perhaps Master Luke is just afraid. Snoke replied. He doesn't want to push you beyond what you're ready for.
Master Luke underestimates us. Ben thought viciously, subconsciously cutting the potatoes with more force than necessary.
Underestimates you, perhaps. Snoke said. The others...I'm not so sure. They're not as powerful as you.
Ben tried desperately to control the swell of pride he felt at Snoke's words. He was more powerful than the others, though, Ben thought to himself. Everyone knew it.
Even Master Luke. Snoke said and Ben felt a wave of anger wash over him.
Then why does he hold me back? Ben thought angrily. Why doesn't he trust me?
Snoke was silent for a moment before responding, quietly...almost apologetically. I think you know the answer to that.
Ben felt Snoke's words cut through him like a knife and slammed his knife down into the potato angrily. He yelled out in pain as the knife cut his finger, spilling red blood out onto the chopping board.
"Woah are you okay?" Amaya asked as he hissed in pain as he examined his bleeding finger. It was a deep cut...deep enough to scar even.
"I'll get the bandages." Hennix said immediately, running out the door.
Ben walked over to the sink, his fury and humiliation at his own carelessness mixing with his fury at Luke and his sheer annoyance at now having to deal with a painful bleeding finger. Amaya followed him over, concern etched onto her delicate features in a way that made Ben want to disappear.
"That's deep. You should put pressure on it so it doesn't bleed too much." Amaya said, watching his movements with worried eyes.
"I am aware." Ben ground out, a feeling of guilt washing over him at the way her look of concern was quickly replaced by one of guarded cool at his harsh tone.
Amaya turned to leave and Ben mentally kicked himself, wishing he had just shut up for once. Hennix returned with the bandages and Ben quickly dried his finger on a towel, prompting a howl from Voe as he got blood on the white towel. Ben ignored her, wrapping his finger tightly with the bandage and then securing it in place.
"Okay well you're not chopping the potatoes anymore." Voe said, "You can boil the Lllevalyn with Tai."
Ben glared at her, wondering how she had come to the decision that she was in charge. He opened his mouth to say something to this effect when Tai came up beside him, putting a hand on his arm.
"Ignore her." Tai whispered, and Ben sighed, following his friend over to the giant pots of boiling fish on the stove. Together they stirred the fish, sprinkling in the necessary oils and seasonings in silence and Ben felt a rush of gratitude for Tai. He always knew just what to say and when to say nothing at all.
At last, the meal was ready and Ben watched as Amaya served the food, seemingly loving the limited interaction this gave her with the younger padawans. To his surprise, she already appeared to know some of them by name. He frowned, his anger at Luke resurfacing. She would have been the perfect Jedi.