Thanks again for the review Love. Fiction. 2020!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Amaya lay in bed, staring at the shadows dancing across the ceiling of her small room. There was no use in trying to sleep. Sighing, Amaya sat up, pushing the blankets off and climbing out of bed. She walked over to the window, staring out at the rainy forest beyond.
It was beautiful. It was perfect here, Amaya thought sadly. It was everything she'd ever wanted and more and tomorrow she would have to leave it. Amaya's mind wandered back to Ben's offer, more tempted by it now than ever. Amaya shook her head. No, she would never be able to enjoy her time here if she got in on a lie. It would poison the entire experience.
Deciding it was pointless to lie in bed, Amaya grabbed her keys and quietly left her room. Tiptoeing down the hallway, Amaya descended to the first floor. Walking through the empty hallway, Amaya felt a disturbance in the Force and paused. She reached out, probing the Force and came up against a feeling she was beginning to recognize as familiar. Ben.
Turning on her heel, Amaya tiptoed through the hallway, following the Force. Pausing in front of the door to the courtyard, Amaya slowly opened the door, revealing the garden outside. Ben was sitting on the stone step across the courtyard, underneath the awning. He looked up at her, his eyes tired, and Amaya felt her stomach flip. Suddenly feeling as though she should have walked past the courtyard and returned to her room, Amaya bit her lip, unsure whether she should leave.
"Can't sleep?" Ben asked, and Amaya sighed, closing the door behind her. Running through the rain, she crossed the courtyard to reach Ben, taking a seat next to him under the awning.
"Not a chance." Amaya replied, staring at the cobblestones in front of her.
"You're scared?" Ben asked, "About tomorrow?"
Amaya nodded, "I don't know what I'll do if Master Luke turns me away." She said quietly, "I don't know where I'll go."
Ben was silent and Amaya looked over at him, examining his face. He was so sad, Amaya thought to herself. And not sad in the transient way...sad in the deep, permanent way.
"Do you want to know why I came here?" Amaya asked quietly.
"To become a Jedi?" Ben asked, turning to look at her.
Amaya smiled, laughing quietly, "Well yes." She replied, "And no."
"What was your other reason?" Ben asked, and Amaya sighed.
"Alfazine is ruled by a single family. They're brutal and they fight all the time, forcing their people to go to war against each other." Amaya began, "I joined the revolution efforts to overthrow them. I came here to learn how to fight so that I could be of more use."
Ben looked over at her, his eyebrows creased, "Did you tell Master Luke this?" He asked and Amaya shook her head.
"No." She said, "I wasn't sure how he'd respond."
"Well he, and my parents, fought in the Rebellion against the Empire." Ben said, "I think he'd see himself in you."
Amaya bit her lip, thinking. "I could tell him tomorrow morning if you think it would help my chances of getting in."
"It couldn't hurt." Ben agreed, before falling silent.
"So what about you?" Amaya asked, "Why can't you sleep?"
"Nothing in particular." Ben said, "I just don't sleep well in general."
Amaya nodded, not at all surprised by this information. "When I was a child I was terrified of going to sleep. I was scared of the dark. I was also scared the house would burn down or an animal would come in the house or I would have nightmares or I would die during my sleep...you get the picture. So every night my mom would put her hand on my head," Amaya said, touching her own forehead, "And remove all the fears and bad thoughts until I fell asleep."
"What did you do after she died?" Ben asked and Amaya shook her head.
"Well then I had more real threats than nightmares and the dark. Going to sleep became an escape from the real world. When your worst nightmares come true and you have to live them every day, you find you're suddenly not afraid of a lot of the things that used to terrify you." Amaya said.
"So you're saying if my worst nightmares become a reality, I'll be able to sleep better." Ben said, smirking slightly.
Amaya laughed, "No. I'm saying that for me, as someone who used to be afraid of everything, having to face my fears was actually good for me in a weird kind of way."
Ben smiled, subconsciously playing with the bandage on his finger.
Amaya sighed, "I don't want to leave this place. It's perfect."
"It's not perfect." Ben replied.
"Well nowhere is truly perfect." Amaya amended. "But you have a great life here. There's no war, no poverty, no conflict. You're training to be a Jedi - something most can only dream of. And you have an uncle and friends who love you. If I were you, I wouldn't leave it for the world."
"I think I'm going to go to bed." Ben said, standing up and Amaya felt a shift in the Force that indicated that her words had had a stronger effect than she had intended on him.
Amaya clambered to her feet as well, unsure how to take back the apparent turmoil her words had caused.
"Ben, I just wanted to say-" Amaya said, struggling to form a coherent sentence, "You've been a great guide and teacher to me and I appreciate everything you've done for me."
Ben sighed, shaking his head, "I have not been great and we both know it. Master Luke should have placed you with Tai or Hennix or even Voe."
"I'm glad it was you." Amaya said, suddenly feeling incredibly self-conscious as Ben looked at her, his expression unreadable. "We should get some sleep." Amaya said, looking away.
"Agreed," Ben said, stepping out into the pouring rain. Amaya followed him, running across the rainy courtyard to the door.
Amaya looked up, her heart leaping in her in chest, as she heard a knock on the door. Placing a last pin in her hair, Amaya walked towards the door, trying to calm her beating her.
Opening the door, she let out a laugh of relief as she saw it was only Ben. "I thought you were Master Luke." She said, and Ben's eyes widened ever so slightly.
"So he hasn't said anything yet?" Ben asked and Amaya shook her head, grabbing her keys.
"Nope." Amaya said, as they walked, "I don't even know what I'm supposed to do today if he doesn't say anything. I'll have to borrow another outfit from Voe I guess." Amaya said, gesturing down to the ordinary clothes she was wearing.
"You should just ask him." Ben said as they walked, "Right after breakfast. I'll come with you if you want."
Amaya opened her mouth to respond when the subject of their conversation rounded a corner, coming into view.
"Amaya!" Luke exclaimed, "Just the person I was looking for." He said and Amaya's heart skipped a beat.
"Good morning Master Luke." Amaya said, desperately hoping her smile masked her nervousness.
"Would you mind joining me in my study for a minute?" Luke asked, "I promise it won't take long."
Amaya exchanged a look with Ben before nodding, "Of course." She said, and Luke smiled.
"Great." He said, turning to leave.
Amaya shot Ben one last nervous look and he nodded, encouragingly. Amaya bit her lip, turning away from Ben to follow Luke down the hallway to his study in silence. Unlocking the door, Luke led the way into the room, gesturing for her to take a seat on the chair in front of his desk. He closed the door with the Force, locking it for good measure.
"So." Luke said, as he sat down, "I've made a decision."
Amaya nodded, twisting the hem of her sleeve so hard she was worried it would be forever stretched.
"As you know, I don't normally take new padawans above the age of 13, and this is generous, seeing as the Jedi Order of my father's time refused to take padawans above the age of 5." Luke said, as Amaya struggled to breathe.
"However," Luke said, smiling, "I think that for you I can make an exception."
Amaya let out a laugh of surprise as she finally let out the breath she had been holding in. "You're serious? I can stay?"
Luke laughed, nodding, "You can stay." He said, "It won't be easy. We'll all have to work a little bit harder than normal to get you up to speed. However, I believe this is where you are meant to be."
Amaya stared at him, her mind whirling, unable to stop grinning. "Thank you so much, Master Luke." She said, suppressing the irrational desire to hug him in excitement. "I promise to do whatever it takes to catch up."
Luke laughed, smiling gently at her, "In all honesty, Amaya, I was planning on turning you away. But then last night I had a sort of Force vision that told me you belonged here. It showed me a snapshot of the future and the role you would play in it."
Amaya felt her insides turn to ice and she struggled to keep her face neutral. "And what role was that?" Amaya asked.
Luke shook his head, "I don't believe it's good for us to know too much about our own futures. Besides, Force visions don't always come true. The future isn't set in stone."
Amaya nodded, her mind racing. Was this Ben's doing? Had he somehow created a Force vision to convince Luke? Surely the Force didn't actually want her here...did it?
"Well, anyway, there's just a bit of business we have to take care of and then I'll let you get back to breakfast." Luke said, pulling out an electronic notepad.
"First name...Amaya." Luke said, entering the information into the computer. "Last name?"
"Oh um, Fall." Amaya said.
"Mother?" Luke asked.
"Elna Fall." Amaya replied, bracing herself for the question she knew was coming.
"Father?" Luke asked.
"I don't know him." Amaya replied, trying to keep her voice even.
"Contact information for your mother or other family?" Luke asked, and Amaya winced.
"She's dead." She replied, and Luke looked up, his face falling.
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that." He said and Amaya shook her head, gesturing that he continue on.
"Planet of origin...Alfazine." Luke continued, "State?"
"Ilfain." Amaya replied, "Tarsi city."
"Age...22. Gender...female. Any medical or health conditions I should know about?" Luke asked.
"None." Amaya replied, and Luke nodded.
"Wonderful." He exclaimed, "Now all we need to do is get your measurements so we can have some training outfits made for you. I'll also have some more copies of the Jedi texts printed for you and we will have to go to Ilum to find you a kyber crystal at some point. I wouldn't worry about not having a lightsaber though for now. Better to learn how to fight without a dangerous weapon in your hand." Luke said, and Amaya laughed.
"Well," Luke said, standing up, "I think it's time you were given a proper introduction to the rest of the padawans."
Amaya raised her eyebrows, standing to follow him out of the room. Luke stopped in the entrance to the mess hall, gesturing for Amaya to come forward, into full view of the room.
"Attention everyone!" Luke called out, prompting the padawans to look up, putting down their utensils.
"I am very pleased to announce we have a new addition to the academy. This is Amaya Fall, our newest Padawan." Luke said, his words being met by a cheer from Voe and thunderous applause from the back table at which she sat with Hennix, Tai, and Ben. The other padawans joined in the clapping and Amaya couldn't help but smile as she looked out at the room.
"Come." Luke said, leading Amaya to the back of the mess hall. Voe jumped up from her seat as Amaya approached, enveloping her in a hug. Amaya froze, not expecting it, before recovering enough to hug her back.
As such pulled out of the hug, she turned to find Hennix ready to hug her as well. Amaya hugged him too, privately wondering when had been the last time she'd hugged so many people in a row. Not since the orphanage, at least.
Tai came up next, extending a hand to shake and Amaya smiled, taking it gently. At last she came to Ben, her mind drifting back to Luke's Force vision. She examined his face, suspicious. Ben frowned, noticing her change of expression and stood still, looking unsure how to proceed. Amaya herself suddenly felt the eyes of the others on them, watching their interaction. Hug him or shake his hand? Amaya thought frantically, unsure what their relationship warranted. Unsure whether she should even be trusting the boy in front of her.
"Congratulations." Ben said at last, breaking the awkward silence and Amaya nodded, forcing a smile.
"Thanks." She said, wanting but unable to tear her eyes off his face.
"I will need to speak with all of you together after breakfast." Luke said, and Amaya felt a wave of relief wash over her as she turned to look at him. "Today will be an unusual day since we have a lot to get sorted out."
The others nodded, expressing their agreement as Luke left. Amaya sat down next to Ben, wanting to speak to him privately but unsure how she would get the opportunity.
"Are you going eat?" Voe asked, reminding Amaya of the hunger she had completely forgotten.
"We're going to have to celebrate!" Voe said as Amaya returned with her food.
"We could make a cake." Hennix suggested.
"And play Dejarik." Voe added, "We can meet in my room after meditation tonight."
Amaya smiled, "Sure." She said, "Thanks Voe."
Amaya fell silent as Hennix and Voe began talking about Dejarik, unable to comprehend anything they were saying about this game she had never heard of. Her mind kept drifting back to Luke's Force vision, something inside her telling her something was off.
"What's wrong?" Ben asked under his breath and Amaya froze. Had she really been that obvious? Or did he know exactly what she was preoccupied about because he'd been behind it?
"I'll explain later." Amaya whispered back, taking a bite of her food as she struggled to focus on the conversation between Hennix and Voe as a way to distract herself.
She could feel Tai's eyes on her, watching her strange interaction with Ben with guarded curiosity. Not good.
"Do padawans here ever get to visit home?" Amaya asked Tai, mainly to distract him but also because she had been wondering about this. Not that it mattered to her personally.
Tai nodded, "Twice a year we get 2 weeks off to visit home. Plus our parents can visit pretty much whenever if there's space in the guest rooms."
"Do you ever miss home?" Amaya asked, and Tai shrugged.
"I used to." He said, "When I first came here I was 9, Ben was 10," He said, nodding in Ben's direction, "It was hard at first but now it's just our life. This is home as far as I'm concerned."
"What about you?" Amaya asked Ben, and he frowned, still clearly preoccupied by her strange mood.
"What about me?" Ben asked.
"Do you miss home still?" Amaya asked and Ben shook his head.
"Not at all." He said, "I don't even usually go back on holidays. My parents are never at home anyway so there's no point. I'd be alone with C-3PO...our droid." He clarified.
Amaya looked away, feeling a flash of pain run through him as he said this. Time to change the subject.
"Do you plan on returning to Alfazine on your weeks off?" Tai asked and Amaya shook her head.
"No." She said, "If I'm allowed to leave though, I'd like to travel. My trip here was my first time leaving Alfazine."
Finishing her last bite, Amaya pushed away her plate, realizing that the others had finished breakfast long ago and were waiting for her.
"Should we go see Master Luke?" Amaya asked the others.
"Absolutely!" Voe exclaimed, jumping up. The others followed, making their way to Luke's study. Luke put down a book he had been reading as they arrived, filing into the room that was much too small for 6 people.
"Wonderful, you're all here." Luke said, standing up. "This shouldn't take very long."
Luke held up a piece of paper he had written on, half reading off it as he addressed them, "Right so Voe, you will spend this morning with me. We need to completely redo the schedules for the month to incorporate Amaya. Amaya you'll have to take on some shifts with the younger padawans. It won't be anything too complicated at first though of course."
Amaya nodded, actually excited to spend time with the younger padawans. Being around children reminded her of those she had known at the orphanage.
"You four will also have to take turns training Amaya." Luke continued, "And Amaya, you will have to complete extra training sessions in the evening to increase your strength and conditioning. For today, however, Ben, you will take Amaya into Tag'lik to get her proper attire and copies of the Jedi texts. I also have a shopping list for you while you're there." Luke added, handing Ben a piece of paper, which he took wordlessly.
"Tai and Hennix, you will take over Ben's, Voe's, and my shifts with the level 1 and 2 padawans. I'll send some of the level 2s to help you with lunch since Voe and Ben will be gone." Luke finished, rummaging around in his desk. At last he emerged with a cloth bag of coins, which he handed to Ben.
"This should be enough. If it's not, prioritize Amaya's things. I'll get the rest later." Luke said to his nephew before turning his attention back to the rest.
"Is that it?" Ben asked, "Can we leave?"
Amaya noticed a shadow pass over Luke's face at Ben's clipped tone and she almost thought he was going to sigh before he nodded. "Yes, you can go."
"Great." Ben said, glancing over at Amaya, who raised her eyebrows, nodding. Amaya followed Ben out of the overcrowded room and into the hallway, struggling to keep up with his fast pace.
"Where are we going?" Amaya asked, "What's Tag'lik?"
"It's a city not far from the island." Ben replied, "We'll take one of the smaller jets. It's a short trip."
Amaya couldn't help the way excitement bubbled up inside her at the thought of visiting a new city. She'd never seen one on a planet other than Alfazine, and even on Alfazine, she'd only seen a couple.
"What was that thing you said you'd explain later?" Ben asked as they walked and Amaya felt her excitement sour.
She glanced around them as they entered the courtyard, not seeing anyone else within earshot. The sun was shining at last, a welcome relief after days of rain.
"Luke had a Force vision." Amaya said quietly, almost in a whisper. "That's why he let me in."
Ben turned to her, his eyes widening in surprise. "What kind of vision?" He asked.
Amaya examined him out of the corner of her eye, probing the Force to sense his emotions. A feeling of victory or elatedness radiated off him and Amaya immediately felt her suspicions double.
"He didn't say." Amaya said, fighting to keep her voice even. "This wasn't...your doing was it?"
Instantly, Ben's feelings shifted, becoming darker, "No, of course not. What are you even saying?"
"You didn't make him have a Force vision or something?" Amaya asked, raising an eyebrow as she examined him. "Plant some sort of idea in his mind?"
Ben stopped walking, turning to stare at her, "No. Amaya, I don't know how to do that. I don't even know if it's possible."
Amaya crossed her arms, "Really." She said coldly, "Because yesterday you suggested-"
"I suggested lying to him. That I can do." Ben snapped.
Amaya stared at him, unsure whether or not to believe him. "Do you swear you had nothing to do with this?" She asked.
"Look, Amaya, is it really that hard to believe that maybe the Force actually wants you here?" Ben asked sharply. "That maybe you actually do belong here?"
Amaya examined his face, unable to detect any sort of insincerity. She probed his emotions but they were too mixed and jumbled to be of any use.
"Something just feels...off." Amaya said, shaking her head. "It's too convenient. Too good to be true."
"Well it is true." Ben said. "You belong here." He said, the certainty in his voice almost making Amaya shiver.
Amaya shook her head, sighing. "Okay." She said, "Forget I said anything. Let's just go."
Ben fell into pace beside her, and together they walked in silence, a heaviness in the air between them. Ben gritted his teeth, suddenly wondering whether he'd made the wrong call.
She suspects. Ben thought, directing the message towards the one he knew would answer him.
She's intelligent. Came the reply.
Couldn't you have stopped Master Luke from telling her that somehow? Ben complained and Snoke laughed, making Ben's blood boil.
My dear boy, you overestimate the power I have over your Jedi master. I can only persuade, not control. Snoke replied, amused.
Ben clenched his fists, glancing sideways at Amaya. Her expression was closed off, as if she were deep in thought, her attention focused on the ground in front of her. Ben felt a wave of guilt wash over him, making him look away.
At last they arrived at a small metal building. Ben walked up to an access panel on the wall, punching in a series of numbers until a large door opened, revealing a fleet of small planes inside. Amaya followed Ben inside, taking a seat in the passenger seat while Ben took the driver's seat.
They exchanged only a few clipped words before Ben started the plane, taking off over the sparkling blue sea. Ben looked over at Amaya, noticing the way her hands gripped her seat, as if she was scared. She clearly wasn't used to flying much.
"Ben, I'm sorry." Amaya said suddenly, "For accusing you of something I had no proof you'd actually done. Maybe you're right. Maybe I just can't fathom why the Force would actually want me here enough to intervene. And if it really does want me here, if I'm really supposed to play some sort of role here...well that terrifies me. How will I know if I've done what I was supposed to do? What if I fail?"
Ben felt his stomach churn painfully with guilt as he listened to the distress and confusion in her voice. Perhaps he shouldn't have asked Snoke to plant a dream in Luke's mind. Perhaps he should have let her be sent away...Well it was too late for that now. What was done was done.
"Force dreams are unreliable at best." Ben said, "I wouldn't worry about it. Besides, if you really are meant to play a specific role, it will happen whether you intend it to or not. I don't think this is something you could control even if you understood it."
Amaya fell silent, looking out the window at the water below. Ben began the descent as the city high-rises came into view, tall, grey, and imposing.
"Amaya," Ben said, the guilt eating him up inside, "You should be happy. You got in. Isn't this what you wanted?"
Amaya turned to look at him, sighing, "You're right. I should be happy." She said, "How was it for you? When you first came to the Temple?"
Ben thought back to the betrayal he'd felt when his mother had shipped him off to Luke. He'd known, even then, why she'd done it. She was afraid of what he was. She'd never actually come right out and said it, but he'd felt it. His mother had foolishly thought that if she sent her son off to live with the literal saviour of the galaxy, Luke might somehow be able to fix him.
"It was an adjustment." Ben said, evasively, "But I was a child. It'll be completely different for you."
Amaya nodded, leaning her head back as Ben landed the plane on a landing pad near the city library. Amaya's face lit up slightly as she looked out the window, taking in the towering glass buildings around them.
"I've actually never been to a library." Amaya said, as she climbed out of the plane onto the tarmac below. "They had two giant ones in Tarsi but you could only go in if you had a membership and I could never afford one."
Ben looked over at her, trying to wrap his head around the life she had led up until this point. He couldn't fathom never once having had enough money to purchase something as simple as a library membership. He certainly could not comprehend what it would have been like to spend his entire life on one planet - and most of that on one island - with no one but his mother for company.
"What did you do all day when you lived on the island?" Ben asked as they walked, "Was it...boring?"
Amaya laughed, "No, not really. It was all I'd ever known. I kind of tried to run away once though, when I was about 16." She said, her eyes flashing with amusement, "We had this fishing boat and I figured that if I sailed for 20 days I'd reach mainland so I stole a bunch of food from the kitchen, a compass, a bottle of water, and left. I was only gone for 2 days before I hit a storm, nearly drowned, and then decided I'd had enough of that stupid idea and headed back."
"Why did your mother want to live on that island anyway?" Ben asked, as they entered the library.
Amaya looked around herself, her eyes widening at the sight of all the books, before realizing Ben had asked her a question and looking back at him. "Because the world is a terrible place." Amaya said, shrugging as she continued to gaze at all the books around her. "My mother didn't want to have to deal with it."
Ben examined her face, almost certain this was not the whole story. Many people disliked the way the world was...very few became hermits.
Your intuition is correct. She is hiding things from you. Snoke's voice purred and Ben gritted his teeth, wishing he would go away.
"What specifically about the world did she hate so much?" Ben asked, as they began their way up a winding staircase.
Amaya shrugged, averting her eyes, "The wealth inequality on our planet is severe. The government's corrupt, the crime rate is high, the cities are polluted, and every few years there's another war to add to everyone's misery. What's not to hate?"
Lies. Snoke hissed and Ben clenched his fists, trying his best to shut himself off from the Force.
His sudden change in mood was not lost on Amaya, however, who looked at him curiously, a hint of concern in her face. Thankfully for Ben, they'd reached the floor they'd been looking for and Ben led the way over to a computer screen.
"We have virtual copies of the original Jedi texts stored in this library." Ben explained as he tapped on the screen, inputting the proper access codes. "All we have to do is print them and the staff will bind them for you."
Amaya nodded, watching what Ben was doing with curiosity. After a moment a machine whirred to life next to the computer, printing pages of text. Amaya walked over to them, examining them with a kind of fascination. Ben watched her, remembering how he had felt the same for so long. For years he'd read and reread the Jedi texts, studying them with more fervour than any of the other padawans. He'd spent hours and hours talking to Master Luke about the Jedi philosophy and stayed up late drawing and writing his own notes and theories.
How naive you were back then. Snoke's voice said, souring his memories.
Blind, one-sided, ignorant. Snoke continued, A stupid little boy trying to be like his perfect uncle and his perfect mother-
"I've been thinking about this whole Light side, Dark side, thing." Amaya said, cutting off the connection to Snoke mid-sentence. Ben blinked, pulling himself back to the physical reality around him. "If it's as you say, and Jedi must strive to shut out the Dark side altogether, even if doing so is so difficult it's near impossible...then wouldn't it make more sense to just accept that all Jedi are going to have a little darkness in them?"
"That would be tolerating evil." Ben said, shaking his head, "We can't condone it even if it will always exist."
"You don't have to condone it." Amaya said, frowning, "Just accept it's presence."
"That would be dangerous." Ben said, shaking his head, "The moment you accept the Dark side is the moment-"
"I know, I know." Amaya cut him off, rolling her eyes. "It's the moment you risk succumbing to it altogether. Don't you think that's a little melodramatic?"
Ben frowned, "Melodramatic?"
"I mean, none of you at the Jedi academy have succeeded at shutting out the Dark side altogether." Amaya said, "And yet none of you have succumbed to it entirely."
Ben felt a sudden flash of fear, and narrowed his eyes at her, suspicious. "What do you mean none of us have succeeded at shutting out the Dark side?"
"Well Voe is jealous of you. That's definitely not a Jedi trait. You used the Dark side yesterday when we were practicing. Even Master Luke was upset about something the first night I arrived. He almost seemed angry but I couldn't quite tell." Amaya said, looking down at the pages of Jedi text that continued to pile up beside the printer.
"When was Master Luke was angry?" Ben asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.
"I don't know if he was angry, but he was upset about something after he came back from checking up on Lila." Amaya said.
Ben felt a wave of anger wash over him as he realized what she was referring to and Amaya looked up at him, noticing his change in mood.
"Do you know why he was upset?" Amaya asked, her eyes betraying the curiosity he knew she felt.
Ben sighed, slightly irritated by her inquisitiveness, "He was angry with me." Ben said, and Amaya frowned.
"Why?" She asked.
Ben hesitated, tempted to tell her it was none of her business. "I put Lila to sleep, using the Force, because she wouldn't stop crying. She felt like she couldn't breathe, the medication wasn't working, and I didn't know what else to do. Master Luke came back and told me I shouldn't have put her to sleep - that she should learn to deal with fear and pain. I disagreed. I said she was only five, that she'd have plenty of time to learn how to face her fears later. Master Luke accused me of having only put her to sleep because I didn't want to deal with her, which wasn't true. Yes, I didn't want to hear her crying but it wasn't because it annoyed me."
Ben paused, trying to smother the anger the memory evoked. "Master Luke assumed I did it for selfish reasons. I didn't." He snapped.
Amaya frowned, "Why would he assume that?"
"Because he thinks I'm a selfish person." Ben said, the words painful to his own ears.
The printer beeped, signaling the end of the printer job and Amaya jumped, turning around to pick up the papers. Ben moved to help her, taking half in his own arms.
"You're not a selfish person." Amaya said, suddenly making Ben incredibly uncomfortable.
"We need to go bind these." Ben said, turning away from her and leading the way back towards the stairs.
You can't even look at her. Snoke purred in his ear. You know Master Luke is right about you. The girl will come to realize this too...in time.
Shut up, Snoke. Ben thought back, subconsciously increasing his speed, as if it were possible to run away from the voice in his head.