Grief
It's a weepy one guys
Sam and Mercy had gotten married back in 2025 after Mercy had done all the singing on tour stuff and Sam had got his finger out taken a leaf out of everyone else's book and decided he needed to buckle down and get some qualifications under his belt. He'd finally got his Art in the forefront of his life, after some serious talk from Mercy, and applied to MARVEL for that all important internship and got it. So he left McKinley, finally, and went off to pastures new in LA for two years to study, but Mercy was there and although he was serious about his future career, he was more serious about not getting off her page. She'd gone global, as expected, and he'd bobbed along going in and out of meaningless relationships waiting for her to finally be ready to settle, she'd told him that was going to happen sometime back and then left him hanging for four years.
Again they living together, but not really playing at it this time, things had gone much further than the New York hook up, where first base was above the clothes and second was under the first layer or over the bra. He'd been throwing his cards out the whole time they were in New York and she hadn't really shifted so when he went to LA he expected much of the same, to have to start from scratch really but she surprised him the first night
"I'm whacked I'm off to bed" she got up saying after they'd finished watching a movie
"Yeah I'll see you in the morning" he'd said deflated that she'd moved away from him, just when he'd got use to her smell being around him again
"Oh" she said stopping in her tracks "I thought you'd want to come snuggle up"
"Not even a problem" he'd said jumping up to go attach himself
The first night was supposed to be strictly sleep and cuddles but the next day when Mercy woke up looking like death warmed up and cooled right back down again and Sam was banging about for his lack of everything Mercy walked into the kitchen looked at him banging about and announced "Well if this is the way we feel without we might as well see what we're like with"
"With what?" Sam dared to ask
"Consider this me calling you" she said and walked out of the kitchen
That night even food didn't get a look in Sam was home first and he set the flat up like a fuck palace, music, candles, wine, flowers and she walked in ready and things went from good to fucking brilliant at one hundred miles per hour. Funny enough things sort of stayed that urgent for them, there was never a time when they weren't up for it, when able, and life was good. Sam finished his internship and 6 months later bagged himself a job at MARVEL, life was good.
Just as he started his new job Mercy got a big tour contract for 4 months and after their conversation she took it. They went along happy enough in their long distant relationship with Sam going to where she was when he got a holiday or if she was near LA he'd do a weekend hop, there was nothing new in this life they'd lived that way since Mercy left school almost.
They missed each other and they were super clingy, when Mercy came back, Sam asked her to marry him, did the whole candles thing again telling her nothing was better than her and sex was some sort of bonus that he couldn't think of doing without, from her,for the rest of his life, she was the bomb and he needed to know she was his forever. She said yes because she had no other plans and the following year they got married at Sam's Grandfather's ranch in Texas a beautiful day when the GF sung them up the aisle with their rendition of 'Save the best for last' by Vanessa Williams while their musical vows consisted of their beautiful rendition of 'From this moment on' By Shania Twain & Bryan White it was, make no mistake, a very musical affair with artist popping up at intervals throughout the day with their gift of song, they spent the night in the local hotel and went off to Fuji for two whole weeks of uninterrupted together time, the word Sam used to relay their time there to their friends, on their return, was Magical, with a cat got the cream smile on his face. Mercy had got her kinky on and he was loving it their time to stop word had been established early on in their marriage if one or the other said "Marbles" everything had to cool down, either of them used it because the boundaries had been set and a promise had been made.
So the day before their 1st wedding anniversary, unknown to Sam, Mercy had set up for them to be together at their home. Sam had come in from a hard day at work, the day before deadline day was always the hardest on everybody, the pressure was phenomenal but once that gold pen had done its thing, everyone automatically went into blow out mode. He was happy, of course he was, but it was their first anniversary tomorrow and his wife was sitting in Canada somewhere waiting to please thousands of people and today, he wasn't happy about that, he missed her and he only wanted to celebrate with her. He threw himself down on the couch in front of the TV, not bothered to put it on, and blew hard before dragging himself up to go see about something to eat before Mercy called, knowing she'd be chewing his ear about not eating properly if he didn't. Ping he heard on his phone and ran back to the living room
'Happy 1st you guys' he saw on the group sap
'Thanks' he wrote back with a smiley face
'Concerned I got a reply and so quick where's your other half?'
'Mercy's in Canada' he wrote
'I'm in' Mercy wrote at the same time, followed by a sad face
'Not good Samcedes'
'Please, it's hard enough as it is' Sam wrote back
Mercy sent another sad face 'Got to go' she added and that was it
"She didn't even acknowledge that we were on the same sap page" he said looking at his phone as he spoke before putting it in his pocket and carrying on to the kitchen, he pushed the door open to see her sitting on the stool in their kitchen he was totally lit up "You're here" he said lifting her up off the stool with his hug, forgetting about food it had been a good five weeks since he's smelt his wife and that needed rectifying. There were no presents, the time together was present enough "That's all I need every anniversary" he laughed as they lay back resting after four hours of fun and no sign of Marble "How long have you got?" he finally asked, that was the dreaded question they always knew they were going to have a painful answer to, but it has to be asked
"I've got a week babe, can you get time?" she smiled up at him
"I can, but not a week"
"Get what you can babe I need time" she said as Sam got on the phone to sort that out before spending some serious time with his wife
Morning sleepy head" she said when he opened his eyes twenty minutes after closing them "You know we have to start sleeping in bed if you plan on getting up for work in the mornings?" she asked
"Oh but it's so good not sleeping don't you think?" he asked cheekily as he settled back on the couch, having dozed off on it after getting something to eat in the middle of the night, then falling back into each other
"Sam we got married a year today" she laughed kissing him at the realisation of what day it was
"A whole year babe" he said excitedly "Your away that much there are still parts of you I haven't found yet" he said laughing
"I don't think my liver, kidneys and intestines are supposed to be seen" she said laughing
"Last one ready makes breakfast" he said jumping up and running to the bathroom
"Babe I need the toilet now no…." Mercy said before wetting herself "What the ….." she said under her breath "Sam I wet myself" she shouted in the direction of the bathroom
"You did what?" Sam said with what sounded like water in his mouth
"Wet myself you should have let me go first"
"I was being sick" he said as he came out of the bathroom
"Must have been the lack of or late food last night" she said
"Let's get cleaned up and have breakfast" he suggested "Oh no here I go again" he said running back into the bathroom.
"We'll skip breakfast today I think" she said feeling weasy herself now
So they got dressed and Sam went to work, calling each other at lunch time and meeting at the end of the day for a hot drink before heading home.
"Sam I fancy a greasy burger and some fries, all of sudden I don't know why, can we get some on the way home?" Mercy asked, so they did, Sam didn't feel like anything so he didn't have a take out but done himself some salad when he got home. In the middle of the night Mercy was woken by a noise in the bathroom she turned to find that Sam wasn't in the bed and got up.
"What's up babe?" she asked standing by the bathroom door
"It must have been the salad babe it's all come up again"
"Are you coming down with something babe do you feel alright?"
"I feel fine babe it's just this vomiting after I do it I feel fine"
"I think you should visit the Doctor just in case babe so I'll book you in for tomorrow then yeah?" she asked
"If I'm getting checked out you are too, you wet yourself remember?" he giggled
"Okay we'll both get checked out because that was strange"
That morning Mercy made a 10.15 a.m. appointment for both of them and called his work places to inform them of his delay.
"Sam come on what are you doing" Mercy shouted from downstairs at the front door "we're going to be late"
Sam came down the stairs looking quite ill "I've hardly had any sleep babe I feel really rough I think whatever this is it's getting worse"
Mercy gasped at the sight of him, he really was looking unwell "come on babe let's get you looked at" She said guiding him into her car and driving to the doctors surgery. After parking they made their way to the front entrance and as Mercy went to book in Sam ran off to find the bathroom. On his return he looked a bit better but still worrying, after 10 miniutes they were called into the doctor's office
"What can I do for you two" the GP said
"Well Sam has been vomiting for about 2 days now and it's getting worse at first we thought it was something he ate but he only had salad last night and he still brought it back up, he's looking a bit better now but when we left the house he looked really ill" Mercy said
The GP did some minor tests on Sam and gave him some tablets to alleviate the sickness
"And you missy"
"Well mines a mystery too I wet myself yesterday morning, that's not like me and I just wanted to check things were working right and I'm a Mrs got married a year ago yesterday" Mercy said holding her ring finger up
"Oh, sorry" the GP said "I'll need you to do a test Mrs. er Evans" he said after looking at the notes "Could you go pee on this please? He said holding up a test stick
"I could but ..." Mercy asked as she looked at what he was holding up and her breath stopped
"You may be pregnant and I have to rule that out before I can look at other treatments"
"Pregnant!" Sam and Mercy said at the same time
Mercy took the pregnancy test which was positive, the doctor explained that Sam's sickness may be linked in that sometime men do suffer some of the symptoms of pregnancy and even child birth. They waited for the first trimester to be over and then told their family and friends their news. Baby Samantha was born 9 months later black hair green eyes, lush lips and the cutest smile ever seen Sam couldn't even tell her off properly, he just saw Mercy everytime he looked at her, she was 7 now.
A year later Leo was born, he came out with dirty blond hair, brown eyes and lush lips but by the time he was 2 his dirty blond had turned to full blond and his hazel brown eyes were interchanging to green when he got his beg on or the weather changed, Mercy couldn't do anything with him so Sam was left to deal with him especially at terrible two stage, he was 6 now.
A year after that Nevaeh was born total opposite to Samantha she had blond hair, brown eyes and thin lips from somewhere even Mercy asked the question of the nurses but she got to about 6 months and suddenly she had thick lips and had developed a very rounded shape that didn't go away when she started walking, now 5. "You'll have to deal wtih her" Sam ordered laughing one evening when Mercy noticed the transition in their skype session
Kya was born 18 months later he was a definite mix of both Mom and Dad with his blond hair, green eyes, thick lips and his Mercedes stare he was born with, within minutes of him being born Sam looked at him in his crib and said "God Mercy he is totally you, he just gave me the dead eye" Making her throw her pillow at him in jest, he was now just hitting 4.
Then things naturally dried up and they believed their family was complete, happy with their lot, so when Kya was 4.5 years old and Sam woke up and ran to the bathroom again there was no surprise when he shouted out to Mercy
"Mercy you're pregnant again"
"Oh Sam I'm sorry you sure you want this?" she said walking towards the bathroom
"Hey don't dis the olo (clan)" Sam said turning round and hugging her in
"I've been wondering what was happening for the last 4 years with no contraceptives and no babies I thought this was all over for us" she said
"God only gives us what we need Babe"
"I'm in Sempu (Daddy)"
"Me too" he said
They went along happily with Sam being sick and Mercy having the cravings for the first trimester. one day Mercy was in the garden swinging when she felt a sharp pain in her tummy "Oohhh" She cried out and Sam came running to her
"What is it babe?" he asked
"I'm fine Babe, baby might have just started moving around" Mercy said
"Let me feel" Sam said standing waiting for a while with no activity "It's a girl she don't like me" Sam concluded as the baby didn't kick.
"He or she loves you Sempu" Mercy said giving Sam a kiss on the nose, making him smiled
"Please no more straining just call me, I need you two to be safe" he said kissing her bump before kissing her and going back to what he was doing. Their next Anti-natal visit revealed they were indeed having a girl, and Sam was already arguing that number 6 needed to happen because the boys shouldn't feel outnumbered
In the third trimester Mercy woke up professing "I had the best sleep ever last night" that being the first full night's sleep in weeks.
She went around the house doing her usual things looking at potted plants, watching the wildlife in the garden, drinking herbal tea and reading in the mornings and working on songs in the afternoon. She missed performing she hadn't done a concert for nearly 8 months and she'd got that many songs written she was going to have problems deciding on the next album, she felt a twinge in her belly and held it waiting for the baby to move but nothing happened, she waited for half an hour and then called Sam
"I haven't felt the baby move all day Sam and I feel frightened"
"I felt frightened just before I answered the phone Mercy, I couldn't tell if it was for you or the baby, but I haven't been sick or felt sick today either"
"Sam I'm scared"
"Mercy you've been pottering all day could you not just have been too busy to notice?"
"Are you shitting me Sam Evans? I'm talking about my baby here"
"Our baby Mercy and I'm just asking think and, stop with the stress"
"Sam I'm scared" she said the beginnings of a cry in her voice
"Mercy I'm coming to pick you up and we'll go see the Anti-natal nurse at the clinic" he said quickly clicking the phone off, he couldn't tell her he had just had the most bone chilling feeling ever and something was definitely wrong or about to go very wrong.
Sam got to the house picked up Mercy and rushed to the hospital after a short while they were led into the scan room where it was confirmed that their baby had stopped breathing in the womb at 7.5 months "You're going to have to deliver the baby Mrs. Evans there is no other way to get the child out I'm afraid" The Consultant said.
Sam grabbed Mercy and Mercy grabbed Sam but the pain was too much they let each other go "Sam our baby rejected my body what does that mean?" "Sam!" She shouted "What does that mean?" she asked
"Mercy I can't be here now I'm sorry I can't be strong now"
Sam marched out of the hospital, through the car park and onto the park across the way stood in the middle of it and cried out loud before ending up on the floor leaning on a tree crying into his hands. He was there for a long while, when he realised it had been over two hours, his mind drifted back to Mercy. He took out his phone to find 5 messages and 6 calls missed, he checked the calls, all from Mercy then he listened to the messages
'Sam I know your hurting baby but I need you here with me now please come be with me I'm sorry'
'Sam please baby don't shut me out, I know it's all my fault but I'll do better'
'Okay; I get the message, I'll leave you alone'
'I haven't told the family, just in case you're wondering'
'I've called Mom & Dad, they're coming to fetch me this afternoon, and I'm going back to Lima, don't follow me, I need time too'
"No No No this is not happening, you're staying with me, it's happening to me too, you will not shut me out" Sam said as he went to get his car
Sam pulled up at their home to find Mercy in the bedroom packing for her return home, with tears in his eyes he asked her "Mercy what are you doing?"
"I know this is all my fault Sam, truth; I wouldn't want to look at me either with a dead person inside me, I feel so many shades of fucked up right now, I know you don't need the reminder" she said as Sam's heart broke
He went to her and pulled her to him, her back resting on his chest and held her belly with their still baby in it and started rocking them as he hummed first then started singing their wedding vows
'From This Moment On – Extract
Sam I do swear that I'll always be there
MercyI'd give anything and everything and I will always care
SamThrough weakness and strength
MercyHappiness and sorrow, for better or worse
SamI will love you with every beat of my heart
MercyFrom this moment, life has begun
SamFrom this moment, you are the one
Mercy (Both)Right beside you, (is where I belong from this moment) on
"Why did you play that card Evans?" Mercy asked with tears in her eyes
"It's the only card to play Evans" Sam said crying too "We meant it yeah?" he chocked out
"Damn straight" Mercy replied, turning and crying uncontrolably into his chest
The wait was excruciating, Mercy sat in corners crying, unable to allow Sam to hold her for how worthless she felt, Sam sat in the other corners staring at Mercy looking for some form of emotion that would tell him she knew he was there waiting to hold her. Sleep evaded them because every time they closed their eyes some horror movie played out in their heads, they'd wake up shocked and sweating neither willing to say what their nightare entailed.
Anger, Fear, loss, failure, blame all emotions that they both toyed with in their togetherness apart, the longest two days went by and Sam had to broch the fateful conversation with Mercy
"Babe we need to go to the hospital for the procedure" he stooped in front of her saying "Babe.."
"Move away from me, I'm not ready" she said no emotion in her voice just a tone he knew not to mess with, pain in Sam's eyes as she dismissed him yet again, she must have sensed it because she looked at him and her face broke into a thousand pieces and she sobbed until breathing became difficult, Sam held onto her trying to get himself level but she wasn't coming down and he flet like his heart was going to burst into those thousand pieces he'd just seen her face explode into, suddenly he was scared for where Mercy's mind had gone
"Mercy" he said shaking her to look at him "Stay with me, please stay with me, with us" he said pulling her to him as if he needed her inside him, she moved with his touch like a rag doll, numb to life as it was right now
"I need to not feel Sam, I need to not feel, this is too much"
"I love you babe" he said still hugging her as she burst into tears again crying hard against his chest
"I love you too babe, but this is so hard" she lifted off him saying "The children they don't even know what's happening right now" she shot up saying with concern
"I've told them we'll speak to them when we can babe" he said, a small smile on his face for her thinking about them for the first time since all this started for them "We need to go to the hosptial babe" he said again concerned at the appointment time coming up. Mercy got up she didnt argue this time, she just followed him out to the car and made the trip to the hospital for the procedure
'Stop asking me if I need a fucking moment' she wanted to scream at the very helpful docotrs and nurses that surrounded them sticking needle's, taking bloods, checking heartbeats all the usual pre-op stuff, forms signed and re-signed everything making the process one step closer and both Mercy and Sam crying at intervals as the reality of the situation became apparent to them. In one head she was screaming get this fucking thing out of me, on the other she was crying for her loss, her child, someone she'd fell so deepy in love with the day Sam stood in that bathroom telling her that their baby girl existed
"So it's a go ahead Mr & Mrs Evans" the doctor said bringing more tears
"When is this going to dry up" Sam asked wiping his face "Actually I don't think I want it to" he said, as more tears fell and he grabbed hold of Mercy's hand, as the doctor proceeded to walk them through the procedrues again
"You may want to think of a name for the baby" he sprung on them
"Name" they looked at each other saying then more tears
Sam and Mercy went through the labour for 7 hours, there were no tears of joy, kisses of thank you, looks of love, welcomes nothing but crying, crying and more crying as Sam lost control and lashed out at some bedpans and Mercy cried to scream pitch both eventually finding each other's hand and holding on for dear life to stop themsleves going down into that pool of blame, hate, grief and pain they were destined to visit.
"Do you have a name?" the midwife asked clearly upset herself
"Tamaan" Mercy said
"Yeah Tamaan Rhianna Evans" Sam said looking at Mercy
They had to go through getting the birth certificate, getting the death certificate the same day and preparing for a funeral, Sam wanted to dress Tamaan for the funeral, Mercy didn't want him to touch her at all, and to save arguement he didn't ask why, he just didn't do it. They didn't call the family to give them any details, they'd spent the previous two days just sitting taking in what was happening for them and the latter two days they'd spent getting paperwork sorted out and making arrangements for Tamaan's funeral, even their other children didn't attend, they had a funeral for their baby girl and greived alone.
Some time later, months after, they sat the children down and explained to them about their sister that wasn't going to arrive
Life after that changed for them, Mercy went back to doing long stints on tour and Sam dived into his work big time, he got a promotion out of it, but that almost went unmentioned as the goal was to forget the pain that was in their home at losing their child, and neither wanted to upset the other, by letting the other know they were secretly re-living the whole situation on a daily basis. When they did finally get to have any sort of conversation, when the pain of not being together got too much, one would beg the other for contact, the pillow talk theme was always Tamaan and what could have been, their indulgence sometimes went to the point of neglect of the other children. It was their idea of coping, their acting skills came into play when family and friends turned up, they portayed the happy family everyone thought they were, and life was slowly becoming another version of liveable.
4 years later
Lima
The promise had been made some years ago that every 5 years on the anniversary of Finn's death they would meet up at the local church in Lima for a memorial service and make it a GF weekend at the Hummel residence. This had happened over the past 10 years and the festivities, had been, as expected sombre, with a Finn twist in that they always had a jolly song at the end and food had to be a part of the day. Today was the third gathering as members of the GF stood around with their families a lot had happened in the previous 5 years
"We are here today remembering those that have gone ahead before us as we carry on with life without them our hearts are broken but we ask that you put your loving hands on our hearts and heal our pain" Reverend Johnson prayed as the families stood in that old familiar church in Lima Ohio remembering Finn Hudson, Michael the Third Motto, Hiram Berry, Clive Anderson, Jerry Davis, Martha Chang and baby Tamaan Evans, among others.
Sam & Mercy
"You'd think this would get easier" Mercy said clinging to Sam with tears in her eyes
Sam looked down at her with tears in his eyes "I don't know if it ever will I relive the whole thing every time" Sam said "I'm gonna be strong for you babe" he said pulling her in
Quinn & Puck
"Puck grab her she's going to fall" Quinn said as Beth started to faint
"What's up baby?" Puck asked Beth as he sat down holding her to his side
"I was thinking of Jerry and Shelby I was horrid to her when he passed, I need to say something to her, like sorry" Beth said
"We'll go after this sweetheart sit down for a bit and Mom will go with you to the rest room in a minute" Puck said, turning to Quinn to inform her that some Mother daughter time was necessary. Quinn took Beth and went to leave the service when Beth said "Mom I need to go sit with Shelby sorry she needs someone right now" to which Quinn nodded and Beth went over to Shelby and hugged her.
Mike & Tina
Mike and his father hugged the whole time of the service Mike letting go only to wipe tears away from Tina's eyes on occasion and tell her everything was alright and he was alright.
"Granddad you're not going to leave us too are you?" Ty; their son asked his grandfather
"Not if I can help it baby boy Grandma would want me here looking after you all and watching you grow old" his Grandfather replied. Turning to kiss Mike on the forehead.
Blaine & Kurt
Blaine stood on the left holding his Mother while Kurt held the children to his left, everyone cried for their father and Grandfather
"It just feels like yesterday" Cooper, Blaine's brother, said as he stood at his mother right also hugging her
"We can do this" Cooper said looking at his little brother and mother trying to be the man.
Artie & Sugar
Artie looked at Tina and sounded the word "HELP" as he and the children looked on feeling helpless as Sugar and her Father cried hugging each other and her mother and he stood watching
"Art there's nothing we can do for them they need to heal together and they will we just need to be there for them" his mother-in-law said looking and feeling as helpless as Artie did at that time
Rachel & Jessie
"Dad was a rock when I was growing up he always stood up for me you know on my side I loved him so much, he loved me so much, this still hurts Jess I want to just lay down and cry all day" "Babe you know I'm here and your dad lean on us babe" Jessie said
"Sweetheart your Dad loved you and we love you, just focus on happier family times that's what I do" LeRoy said to his daughter while holding her hand.
Everyone
"It really hit home when it came to Finn's turn and everyone regardless of who they were crying for previously gave out a gasp as if enough was enough and there was no more to feel but a thud where his presence should have been. As with the others everyone laid a single flower and lit a candle for him, Carol was rooted to the ground just crying in Bert's arms and Bert waved everyone away to allow her time.
"It has become tradition that the GF sing for Finn on these occasions and it seem our remembrance of loved ones list has grown some over the past 5 or so years, it's just not something you factor in when you talk about future but today we stand here together in the realisation that this is very much our future plan as it comes to us all as the one surety in life" Artie said
"These celebrations of life are getting more complex, as Artie said, because we know not everyone of our loved ones listened to the same genre of music but we know what Glee was about and because of that we chose this song not for its beat as usual but for the words so we'd like you to listen to the words as we think it says everything we all want to say" Puck said as Blaine & Kurt started the singing off with "It's So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday" by Boyz 11 Men
Blaine & Kurt How do I say goodbye to what we had? the good times that made us laugh outweigh the bad.
Mike & TinaI thought we'd get to see forever but forever's gone away it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
Sam & MercyI don't know where this road is going to lead all I know is where we've been and what we've been through.
Artie & SugarIf we get to see tomorrow I hope it's worth all the wait It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
Rachel & JessieAnd I'll take with me the memories to be my sunshine after the rain it's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.
Boys (Girls)And I'll (take with me the memories) To be my sunshine after the rain (Ohhh) It's so hard to say goodbye to yester(day).
After what seem like forever the service finished and everyone went back to the Hummell residence as traditional. Carol had pulled herself together and the mom's were busy in the kitchen working their wonders while the dads were in the study as usual and the Glee family women were in the garden while the children ran about and the men were in the den.
"Hey Mr. Chang your lady wants some hugs please" Tina bopped into the den saying
"I missed you T and thanks for being there today" Mike said walking towards her and giving a hug
"Nowhere else to be my love" she replied tightening the hug "You ok?" she asked and he nodded a yes, she eventually let him go and left the room.
"That's like a clue right?" Puck said to the others "We need to go right?" Puck asked again no one answered
"Where's Sam he would know" Mike said
"Sam and Mercy haven't left each other since they came in" Jessie said
"Massive clue" Puck said getting up
"What's up Puck?" Jessie asked
"Dude neglect today of all days no fucking way jump guys and when you get there ask how high" Puck said leaving to room as everyone else followed.
"Hey Ladies just checking in on our lives what's up?" Puck asked as they exited onto the patio.
"Children, parents, wine, no men, nothing much" Rachel said and everyone looked at Jessie
"Fuck" he said under his breath loud enough for the men to hear him and walked towards Rachel to give her a hug "Babe sorry got caught up in the conversation" Jessie said
Sugar was crying and Brittany was consoling her "Art you need to come deal with this she's not stopping" Britt said. Artie wheeled over to Sugar and put his arm around her while whispering in her ear, no one knew what was said but she lifted her head and semi smiled at him and a couple minutes later she was forcing a smile.
Mike went over to Tina and hugged her in close giving her a kiss on the cheek
Kurt and Blaine were sitting on the lay lows watching the children play anyway and Santana and Brittany were playing with the children.
Puck slid in by Quinn and kissed her on the neck "Nice save Puckster" She said and he smiled
"I know what my lady needs and when she needs it" he said in her ear.
"Where's Sam and Mercy?" Mike asked
"Don't know" Rachel said "I called them once but I didn't want to intrude so I left them alone when they didn't answer" she finished.
"They've been missing for about 3 hours now" Puck stated
"Grown ups" Quinn said with a puzzled look on her face
Just then Devon, Bert and Dan come out onto the patio "Yep grubs going on the pan now people" Bert said
"Where's Mercy and Sam Dad Evans?" Quinn asked
"Dan looked at Devon "It's not a good day for them today, as with all of us, I know but it's the actual day Tamaan was born and they just need some time" Dan said
"Oh I didn't realise that" Quinn said looking around
"It's been 4 years" Santana said "Not that I really know about grief and everything but 4 years"
"It never goes away Satan" Rachel said "Eventually the hurt lessens but it never goes away"
"The thought of them sitting reliving every minute is actually sad and depressing we need to do something for them" Brittany said
"I don't know they would appreciate anything or anyone else right now" Puck said taking his phone out and whatsapping Sam 'Bro everyone is worried about you two we need to see you where are you? we'll to come now' and sent it.
"They're down by the Lake, of course" Puck said after reading Sam's reply "and come on Glee family we have a mission"
The Lake
"Mom, Dad feed the children please and yourselves we'll sort ourselves out when we get back" Sugar announced to the room full of Mom's and Dad's "We have a Samcedes emergency and those come around once every 40 years or so, there is never trouble in that camp so we are a bit upset right now and don't want to be around the children, oh and Thanks" she said as she ran off with the others to find Sam and Mercy.
They eventually found them on the other side of the lake from where the holiday homes were situated near the Ice rink just sitting Sam with his Legs and arms around Mercy, Sam obviously expected them while Mercy didn't
"How did you find us" she asked looking up at the crowd
"Well at this point I wished we lied to each other" Puck said with a sigh looking at Sam as if saying sorry "Sam whatsapped me back"
Mercy made to move but Sam held her tight and whispered in her ear and she rested back
"I don't even have the strength to fight" she said
"I don't want you to fight babe" he said "Please"
"I won't Sam I need you so much today, don't let go of me will you?"
"Mercy you have no idea how impossible it is for me to let you go, today or ever"
"Hi guys thanks for coming to find us we have gotten sort of lost in ourselves a bit today and it's becoming a bit depressing to be honest" Sam said as Mercy looked at him for saying that "Your words babe" he reminded her.
"Merc come with me a minute" Quinn said
"I can't Quinn, I really can't, I need to be with Sam today, I just need to be with him" she replied
"I know that Merc, but I need you just for a minute to come with me" Quinn said again taking Mercy's hand, as Sam watched on and said nothing.
Quinn and the girls and Kurt took Mercy to the ice rink which was empty at the moment and sat in the stalls near the entrance "Mercy one of your Dads' told us it was Tamaan's birthday today and we are really sorry about that, but we wanted to remember her with you" Quinn said
Mercy burst into tears and everyone grabbed hold of someone in the hope they wouldn't join her "My baby died 4 years ago today but they fucking left her in me for nearly a week before they took her out can you imagine how I fucking felt about that?" Mercy asked none of them in particular
"No babe I don't know how that feels and you shouldn't have had to either" Quinn said scared to hold her
"I had to give birth, hold her, wrap her up, name her, register her, knowing that she was already gone do you know how that feels?" she looked around saying "I was in shock, numb with shock confused wondering what the fuck I did wrong or why God hated me so fucking much, Sam ran away from me you know I'd killed his baby and he ran away from me, I know he hated me at that moment" she said venimously "I hated myself, I needed pushishment and I couldn't ask him to do it he wouldn't hit me hard enough" she cried hysterically before carrying on "I guess it's hard for anyone to understand my gulit, anger, despair even at this situation I've found myslef in" she wiped her running nose before carrying on "I can't even sleep with my husband for fear we produce another dead child how fucking sick is that" before anyone could answer Mercy was talking again "I had to leave her in that cold ground, in the fucking cold ground and go home, ha home that's a fucking joke, how can it be a home if all your family's not there answer me that?" she asked looking at everyone around her
"Well I can answer that" Britt said and before anyone could stop her it was out "Because you have four beautiful children and that drop your draws hubby living there and they love you to bits just like we do and that's why it's home" Brittany finished
"I agree, tell me about a time when those children didn't have a smile for you when you got in after a long day or time away" Rachel said
"I can't" Mercy said
"Tell me about a time when Sam didn't kiss you or hug you when you got home" Sugar said
"I can't" Mercy said
"Tell me a time when you felt frightened or unloved in your own home" Tina said
"I can't" Mercy said
"So you lied then your family love you yes? You know where home is yes?" Santana said
"Yes they do don't they and I do"
"Mercy I know we are talking about things we don't even understand as none of us have ever lost a child but the grief most of us can relate to, there's a time for grief Merc there has to be otherwise it would consume us totally, we have to put things in boxes, and open them at appropriate times in order to be able to function especially with having a family" Quinn said
"I know you miss Tamaan so does Sam but you have to concentrate on the four children that are here now and I'm sure if Tamaan had lived she would not be taking time away for her siblings so why are you doing that for her. Sam needs you more than you think he's broken Merc and only you can fix him do it, he's your man and you bite remember" Kurt said fiercely.
Mercy looked up and smiled and everyone went in for a group hug
Meanwhile down by the lake the men spoke to Sam
"What's up Bro" Puck asked tapping his back as he sat down beside Sam
"Fuck Bro life is shit, I feel like shit, I can't help her anymore, I'm hurting but I can't show it because I need to be strong. She's not coping it's been 4 years and it still feels like it happened this morning, the children are being neglected by both of us, she's tied into a music contract she could do without right now but she's had all the time she can get off. I'm at breaking point Bro and to top it all sex is a no go and that tension for both of us is peak" Sam reeled off
"That's all Mercy stuff Dude what about you?" Jessie asked
"Me" Sam said as if it was the first time he'd been asked to look at his feelings "I guess I'm still angry"
"For?" Arite asked
"For having to watch my wife go through all that, for losing our child, feeling helpless I mean, when we got the news I ran dude literally ran, I had to my heart was about to burst all I could see was red I was so angry at the world" he breathed "Have you ever had to sit there and watch the life get sucked out of the one person in the world you care about and not be able to do anything for them?" he asked the guys "She crushed my heart when she told me she wouldn't want to look at herself right then either with a dead person inside her saying she thought I thought she was repulsive, I cried" he said the last words coming out broken as tears fell down his face.
"Bro things are hitting bottom you need an intervention, have you two spoken to anyone?" Artie asked
"No bro communication is good we talk, it's what we talk about all the while that's the issue plus the physical contact or lack of should I say" Sam clarified
"I have the pictures in my mind too of Tamaan coming out lifeless and burying her and everything it was just all so horrible and there was a time when my head actually lifted Bro I'm not going to lie I thought my head was going to burst I wanted out but I looked at Mercy and I knew I needed her to run with me and I knew she wouldn't so I had to stay, that beautiful baby" Sam said as he went into his own thoughts
"Bro it's time to snap out of it and once you do she will, that's what happened for me it might work for you Kurt just kept changing the subject when I got morbid and now we are almost back to normal" Blaine said
"Quinn said something to me when I was in my funk about having boxes for different feeling and knowing when to open those boxes in order to be able to live a semi-normal life after grief and I must admit it worked for me" Mike said
"So you mean open Tamaan's box of feeling on her day instead of letting the feeling take a hold of me all the time" Sam Paraphrased "yeah that might work" he finished "Sorry guys" he jumped up saying "but I got to go get Mercy back I need her a bit more than she needs me" he said going in for a group hug before saying "Thanks everyone that helped"
Meanwhile at the Ice rink
"Sorry guys but Sam needs me today I got to go but thank you for that intervention it was worth it"
As Mercy exited the Ice Rink she saw Sam coming towards her and they both started running towards each other and when they got there didn't hesitate to cling to each other as if they hadn't had contact for the longest time.
"Those two" Mike said as the boys watched on
"Those two" Tina said as the girls and Kurt watched from the Ice rink gates
"Mercy I miss you" he said hugging her tightly
"I know baby, I miss you too" she said hugging him tight "We need to learn to cope with these feelings Sam it's not good for the family" she said
"I know and we will but not today" he said "At least we're walking now" he laughed as they made their way back to the lake
"Baby steps" Mercy said
The Conversation
Everyone got back to th house leaving Sam and Mercy at the lake to talk, they sat just holding each other for a while before Mercy spoke "Sam" she said a tear threatening to escape "I'm sorry" she said "I should have said that a while ago but I've jsut been too ashamed to say it" she said finally looking at him to see horror on his face "What?" she asked pulling away
"What for?" he asked hoping his trail of thought was wrong
"For everything, what happened with Tam..."
"Stop" Sam said pulling away from her to turn her to him "Don't ever take an ounce of responsibility for what happened to Tamaan babe, it happened and we've had to live with it but you must know, and if you don't I need you to listen to me now" he said pulling her in "I have never for one second blamed you for any of it, never" he said hugging her "I thought at times I'd lost you to it all but I never blamed you babe"
"Lost me?" she lifted up asking "Never; it's going to have to be you that walks away babe, remember?"
"Sometimes it's not that easy to remember that"
"Sorry babe but, I'm scared to have sex again, that's my big anxiety now I don't; well I couldn't live through another disaster like that, I don't, don't hate me but" she said looking down to her hands as she hesitated, Sam lifted up her face so he was looking in her eyes
"Tell me babe"
"I don't think I can be pregnant again" she said as tears left her eyes
"Hey" he said holding her head up to keep looking at him "I don't think I could go through this again either and yeah I'm scared for that too" he said as they both cried for a while
"God will only give us..."
"What we can handle, I know" Mercy finally chuckled
"And I guess I can afford condoms" he laughed
"So what do you say we get our groove back on the cards with that plan?" she smiled
"I missed you Mercy"
"I so missed you too Sam" she said as they hugged
"You know Mike told me something about putting things in boxes and I don't get his technical spin on it but the jist was we need to put aside time for Tamaan and not let the grief of it consume us all the time I actually want to try it" Sam suggested
"Quinn told me about the box thing and yeah, I want to try that too so today is her box yeah?"
"Okay we leave here and we close Tamaan's box for now yeah?"
"Yeah" she smiled up at him "Let's get back" she said as they got up and headed back to the Hummel residence
At the Hummel's House
Later that evening Mercy said in Sam's ear "Babe you know we need to put things in boxes and open them at appropriate times?"
"Yeah" Sam said
"Well don't take this the wrong way but one particular box is empty and has no lid right now and needs filling if you get my drift"
"Well I'm taking that as a box needs filling and if you're telling me about an empty box that means you have a naked ass sitting here beside me and I'm up to filling that box Mrs. Evans" Sam said to Mercy in her ear
"You're getting too good at these puzzles Mr. Evans" Mercy said "What happened to specifics"
"I know every inch of your specific self off by heart Mrs. Evans and now when it comes to pleasing you I don't need telling twice" Sam said
"Please tell me you are not going to announce our pending bedroom habits to the entire Glee Fa…." Mercy was saying when Sam stood up and announced
"Folks I have a box to open I'm told it needs filling so you are not and I repeat not going to see us for the rest of the evening" Sam said dragging Mercy off into their bedroom.
When they got there Mercy asked "Why do you always do that Sam"
"What?"
"Announce when we have sex"
"Mercy; I remember having sex with you maybe four times in our relationship once against a tree on the ranch, twice when we joined the mile high club and once in your changing room when we had a four minute window in Belfast. I've always totally enjoyed making love to you on every other occasion, are you insinuating that I am a 2 minute man babe?"
"Ha you are joking aren't you Mr. Evans?"
"You better have use the wrong word in your question then Mrs. Evans"
"Okay announce when we make love" Mercy said smiling
"Because I know they all want to know what we do in here and it makes them want to go do the same and, I enjoy that you get embarrassed about it, actually that turns me on " Sam said to Mercy's surprise
"Well, embarrass the hell out of me time is it? Now sit down and don't move until I tell you to we'll see who's going to be embarrassed tonight" Mercy said with a smirk "There's only one rule tonight" she said
"What's that" Sam asked
"Are you going to stick to it?" she asked
"Yes" he said laughingly
"Promise"
"I promise, it's been so long I'm up for almost anything"
"No Marble"
"You can't do that it's our safe word Mercy"
"You promised Sam a southerners word you promised"
"Okay I trust you and you know where my lines are"
"I know where your lines are Sam but I'm not following your lines tonight I'm following mine"
"Mercy stop I need to reconsider what I've just signed up to please don't do anything you know I don't like please" he begged
"Sam" she said waving her finger at him "It's my game and you know I'm going to play my game so suck it up, now go lay down I'm going to tie you up"
And so the night started Mercy played her games and there were a few times when Sam shouted and begged for reconsideration but Mercy forged on anyway and although he was angry for a short while Mercy had the game to turn his frown upside down. Mercy eventually got tired and released Sam who went and washed up and by the time he got back to bed Mercy was asleep.
"Sleep" he said with a wicked smile on his face he took the opportunity to tie her up and then woke her up and tormented her for about 2 hours, Mercy was moaning, crying and shouting at Sam but he let her wait until he became tired and then he gave her release let her go and after she came back to bed they fell asleep as they always did with Mercy in his arms
They woke up the next morning with some unmentionable pain in some questionable areas of their bodies but happy.
"You're never going to get me like that again babe" he said
"You loved it babe"
"I'm not disputing that just that you're never going to get me like that again" he laughed
"You know who I am right?"
"Yep; Mrs. Mercedes Evans, Mr. Sam Evans' wife, Diva, dick tease, sassy, rich, talented, mother, lover, friend, Mercy, Cedes, Merc, Miss Jones, Mercedes, my life, my heart, my soul, my better half, My Txe'lan, My…"
"Okay Sam I get it, you know me" Mercy said laughing which came from her eyes
"There it is" Sam said "That smile from your eyes that gets me every time, I so need to be with you right now Mercy"
"You are such a smooth talker Sam I'm thinking about it seriously"
"There you go again, you've thought about it babe your calling me Sam which in your language is go ahead remember I know you" Sam said pulling Mercy back into bed for business.
"I always call you Sam" she said in protest but he didn't hear it they were back and more importantly they were back together
The End