Chapter 4: Free-Range Human Sacrifice
BGM: ~Pikmin 3 OST: Twilight River~
/YJh-ruM1CxA
Inside Sally's House
It was a rainy day in Hell's Half Acre. Gloomy gray clouds and foreboding fog hung low over the town as the pitter patter of raindrops on leaves and rooftops echoed all around. This put a literal damper on Sally's plans to try to get Yasumi to come up with some wacky spirit possession ritual to drum up some recruitment.
Instead, Sally, Robin, and Momoko were just sitting around in the former's cottage, chilling out until the rain let up. The Red-headed Mage was cuddled up in her big overstuffed Prinny beanbag in the center of the living room, wrapped up in a soft lil' quilt to stave off the moist chill in the air. Momoko was behind her, sprawled out like the big lazy kitten she was, idly tossing caramel corn into her open maw. Robin was laying on top of a stuffed toy in the shape of a Hell Corgi, in a little fairy-sized pillow fort set up under a chair, completely captivated by the strange flashing pictures machine before her eyes, unlike anything they have in the forest!
The trio were watching Netherworld TV, slack-jawed and without much to say. Idly they channel surfed, looking for something good on. They passed over Pleinair's newscast. 'Notable Skull fighting back against Magitopia Regime Change' was the headline, but it sounded lame so they flipped channels.
Next up was 'The Real Housewives of Toto Bunny' which was always a mildly amusing source of gossip for Momoko, but Sally just groaned as she can't stand reality shows. Next up they briefly considered watching a rerun of 'The Fuka and Desco show', but Momoko would insist that that one has been going downhill since Season 4.
Eventually they wordlessly settled on a home improvement show, starring a certain washed up Dark Hero…
"Today, on Castle Flippers: Overlord Edition" The Narrator spoke, cutting to a scene where Axel, toolbelt ominously around his waist, stood flamboyantly in the middle of none other than Overlord Laharl's throne room.
"Hey hey, viewers! Sing it with me! B-U-R-N! Burning Spirit, baby! I dunno if you've been living under a rock, but we're about to Rock! If you don't know me, where have you been?! I'm the man! The myth! The Legendary Dark Hero, A-X-E-L!" The flamboyant demon spoke, in an exaggerated an over the top manner, as badly-rendered CGI fireworks went off behind him. "And today! We're here at the Overlord's Castle, and we're gonna talk with its owner! Our client!"
The scene transitioned to a rather infamous Demon Lord. 'ETNA. Tyrant Beauty Queen.' Read the caption on the screen as she spoke.
"Yeah yeah. I want a full remodeling job done. The works. New kitchen. Hardwood paneling. Tile floors. No more of this bare gray stone crap. Those moldy old tapestries gotta go. The lava flows… ehh… keep the lava. We can use it to run the hot tub we're putting in in the master bathroom. I want solid gold fittings too. Ooh actually… scratch that. Get rid of the lava. Okay picture this with me." She made a little picture frame gesture with her fingers. "Chocolate. Fondue. Fountain. Right in my throne room!"
"Hey, uhm… chocolate fondue you say… I mean wait! Shouldn't we ask Laharl before we go remodeling the castle without permission?" Another girl wearing a red leotard, white robes, and red ribbons, who's caption read 'FLONNE. Love freak.' interjected. Raising a pointer finger and wondering where Etna's sudden burst of interest in home improvement came from.
"I got the deed. I make the rules." Etna snarked, presenting a piece of official-looking letterhead with a clearly forged signature on it. "Although on that note… let's start with the master bedroom! Got some garbage to clear outta there first off…"
After a brief scene transition, Axel and Etna were standing in Overlord Laharl's bedroom. "Okay first things first. Get rid a' that." Etna gestured to a large and ornate coffin situated in the middle of the room… which was rather conspicuously closed shut with some chains, hauling straps, and hurricane ties. "We're gonna put in a full master suite fit for a Queen. Water bed. Carpet. Gilded trim. We're not skimping on this one. And get rid of these dumbass stained glass windows. We need something with a bit more… what's the word I'm looking for… panache? Zazz?"
"Ooh, you should put up some posters too! Go Go Prism Rangers here! Great Flonzor X there!" Flonne suggested.
"Yeah nah, we're not doing that." Etna responded, coldly.
"Alright! Sounds like you ladies need the FULL DARK HERO X-DIMENSION X-PERIENCE!" Axel exclaimed, before spinning around in place on his heels as if he were in the middle of a stage performance and ending in a Saturday-Night-Fever-esque pose.
"Sounds like a harassment suit waiting to happen…" Etna snarked.
BGM: ~Disgaea 2 OST: White Tiger~
watch?v=maEpcUnBth4
"Our remodeling! Journey! Starts! Now! Open your dark hearts and feel the groove, baby! AXEL! ONSTAAAAAAGE!" The Dark Hero exclaimed, drawing his Guitar from slung over his back, and twirling it around in midair, as the bookshelf and several hidden compartments in the walls revolved around to reveal a half-dozen stacks of amplifiers. (Wait when did Laharl install those?)
The Dark hero plugged his guitar in, cracked his knuckles, and unleashed a wicked metal riff loud and powerful enough to blow out every pane of glass in the castle, and cause the building to begin to vibrate down to the foundation with the harmonics.
"Okay OKAY. QUIT IT WITH THE FREAKING NOISE!" Etna, covering her ears, tried to yell fruitlessly over the cacophony of a soul-blisteringly sick guitar solo.
Eventually Axel wisely ended the impromptu concert when he saw Etna getting ready to smack him over the head with a candlestick, though it didn't dampen his flamboyant, self-absorbed, burning spirit. "WOOOH! YEAH! ARE YA FEELIN PUMPED YET?!"
From inside the coffin in the center of the room, a muffled voice could be heard. The occupant attempted to open the door, only to find it tied shut. "Etna? What the HL was that noise? Who dares awaken the Great Overlord Laharl?! Etn…hey…HEY HEY HEY! WHY WON'T THIS THING OPEN! ETNAAAAAA! Did you tie this closed again? Let me outta here! Etnaaaaaa!"
"Oops~ Uhh, so yeah! Waterbed! Help me get this outta here first! Then we can get crackin' on that!" Etna's voice immediately got back on base as she headed over to the side of the coffin and started dragging it across the room.
"Just throw it out the window?" Axel asked.
"Yep!" Etna responded, with a wink, taking the handles on one side of the coffin as Axel got the other.
"Hey I can hear you out there! What do you think you're doing? Do….no no no! Don't you DARE put me out the window! I'll kill you all! So help me! ETNAAAAAA!" The coffin continued to rattle around and jitter violently while its occupant beat on the lid trying to get free. Axel and Etna lifted it up, perched it on the windowsill, and with a mighty shove, vaulted it out of the window and into the lava moat.
"Oopsie-Daisy!" Etna smirked as she heard a distant splat sound as it hit.
"Miss Etnaaaaa! Where's Laharl~sama?" Sicily asked, poking her head into the room to investigate the noise.
"Oh, he just took a little trip outside. He'll be fiiiiine." Etna waved her hand dismissively, before going back to more important matters. "Mmmh, hey! Sicily! What do you think about a chocolate fondue fountain…?"
And at that point, the show's narrator came on. "We will return to Castle Flippers: Overlord Edition, after these messages from our sponsors." The TV announcer spoke, before cutting to an obligatory RosenQueen commercial.
BGM: ~Twilight River again~
/YJh-ruM1CxA
Sally thought this was as good a time as any to go get some snacks, as she pushed the blanket off herself and lazily strode toward the cupboard. Pushing a small wooden stool over to the counter, she stood up atop it on the tippy-toes of her fuzzy bunny slippers, and began to open cabinet after cabinet. All bereft of any candy or sugary snacks to eat. "Hey wait a minute. Where are my sweeeeets?"
"Dunno. Did you eat 'em all? Check over by the stuffed animals in the picnic basket." Momoko responded, setting down the tin of popcorn and cleaning the kernel bits from her teeth with a toothpick, before changing the channel to an episode of 'Getter Mao'.
Sally walked over to a pile of stuffed animals and dolls in the corner of the room, addressing them as they were as senior members of the guild. Mr. Usagi, Mrs. Killer Puppet, The odd boy in a baseball cap with the blue jacket and eye patch, Wind-up Prinny, Stuffed Putty, Theta Roosevelt the Teddy Bear, a Captain Gordon DEFENDER OF EARTH! action figure, and a Lord Zetta coloring book.
"Okay! Your guard duty is done for the day. One of you should give me a candy bar!" She asked the pile of dolls.
"Here you go." The boy responded, very quietly, handing her the last remaining candy bar in the basket.
"Eheheh~ Thank yoooou!" The Mage replied, turning around and unwrapping the candy as she walked across the room back to her bean bag chair.
It took a few moments for it to click that something was amiss…
BGM: ~Disgaea 1 OST: Mischievous Demon's Footfall~
watch?v=kTXBaLR5frA
"Hey wait a minute! You're, like, a real boy! Who are yooooooooou!?" Sally exclaimed. That wasn't one of her dolls! He wasn't even a doll at all! She quickly scampered over to her toybox and grabbed the cutie hatchet that she used for home defense and summary executions of anyone who made the mistake of being more adorable than her.
"Who the what now… ARI?!" Robin darted up from the spot on the beanbag she had stolen from the Mage, when she noticed the one-eyed boy, fluttering over at top speed and tackle-hugging him directly in the center of the chest. "Ari Ari Ari Ari! You're here, you're here, you're here, you're really heeeerreeee!"
"Hi Robin." Ari responded, showing little obvious emotion, save mild bewilderment at the excitable fairy's mannerisms.
"Wait, uhm? You two know each other? How did you, like, get into my house?!" The Mage asked, lowering her hatchet and tilting her head to one side. Her long red hair lazily following like a pendulum.
"It's Ari! He's, like, my brother! I wished upon a star the other night that he'd show up and he came! He really came!" Robin exclaimed, spreading her small fairy arms wide as she darted around jubilantly in a little fairy dance.
'Ari' opened his mouth to respond to that, but then sorta just nodded and agreed with Robin. "Yeah. What she said."
"Wait really? Oh… uhm… ooh! Well tonight you should wish for me to have, like, hundreds upon hundreds of boyfriends, and tons of riches, and a giant vault full of unlimited sweets!" She exclaimed, seeing an opportunity to milk the wish-upon-a-star gravy train for all it was worth. Speaking of sweets, she had reminded herself about that candy bar she was about to eat. Though when she turned to pick it up, it was just an empty wrapper.
Ari had just a smidge of chocolate on his upper lip, which he promptly licked away.
"He's your brother, huh? I don't see any family resemblance, nyao? He's not a Fairy at all. I don't think he's any kind of class from the Netherworld. In fact…" Momoko hopped down from her perch on the sofa and leaned close, reaching down to poke Ari on the ears… his conspicuously round and not at all pointy ears. "I think this kid is a Human, nyao."
Humans, understandably, are a rarity in the Netherworld. Aside from wannabe heroes, failed prinnies, and the occasional angry space marine, almost all the humans that enter the Netherworld go straight to Hades. Their souls being so sinful and corrupt already that their only value is to become Prinnies. A human, especially a child who looks no older than twelve, is an incredibly valuable rarity.
"Human? Like, a real live human!?" Sally exclaims. This is an unprecedented windfall. To a magician, a human soul is worth its weight in gold! With it, one can conduct some of the most awesome and terrible spells and rituals imaginable. The blackest of black Magics. An unholy offering to any number of eldritch abominations to receive bounties of goodies and loot.
To a thief meanwhile, a Human is a rare treasure that cannot be passed up! One of the few truly unique things in the Netherworld, that one can lord over her friends and use as a powerful bargaining chip on the path to rank up in the thieves' guild. Or at least resell to someone who has more money than Sally.
"Dibs!" Sally and Momoko spoke at exactly the same time. There was a short silence. The duo turned to face each other and immediately began bickering over who had finders' rights to the mortal.
"I found him first!" Sally argued, grabbing Ari's arm and tugging him to the right.
"Yeah well, I'm stealing him fair and square. Thief's rules, nyao." Momoko replied, grabbing Ari's other arm and tugging him to the left. The boy being tilted side to side in a tug of war. A completely deadpan expression on his face.
"He was in my hoooouuuuuuse!" Sally whined, tugging harder.
"You wouldn't even know what to do with him, nyao. I meanwhile got buyers." Momoko tugged harder still.
"Don't I get a say in all this?" Ari asked, with a quiet voice, still maintaining his expressive poker face as he was yanked back and forth, tilting side to side like a pendulum.
"No!" Momoko and Sally called out in unison.
"Hey hey guys! Stop fighting over him! We're supposed to be an adventure guild, right? Why can't Ari join our squad and live here with us?" Robin fluttered over and asked, managing to disrupt the Mage and Thief's argument.
"Cuz he's, like, a human!" Sally shrugged.
"Yeah. Humans are kind of a niche market, nyao. We'd get laughed at if we had one in our guild." Momoko added, holding up her palms.
"Right but we already get laughed at anyway, so what difference does it make." Robin held up a finger inquisitively.
There was a short silence.
"Touche, nyao."
"Okay! It's settled! Ari is officially part of the Disgaea Guild Adventure Squad as our official team pet! We'll take him to Yasumi when the rain stops. She'll know what to do…" Sally proclaimed, with a little cheer.
"Wait I thought I was the pet!" Robin scoffed.
"Robin, your friends are total weirdos." Ari quietly spoke his mind. He calls 'em like he sees 'em apparently.
"Yeah, I know…" The fairy let out a sigh and hung her head low. "You'd probably have liked Mr. Shrub and Mrs. Dandelion better."
BGM: ~Disgaea 2 OST: Wonder Castle~
watch?v=pTOwdRNfdxQ
Later that day, behind Kimberley's house
Some time later, the rain let up, and sunny skies peeked through beyond the clouds. A humid afternoon began, as the dew and dampness around the netherworld gradually dried up, allowing the guild to head back outside to play with their new 'pet'.
Ari was a boy of few words, apparently. He had spoken very little since his discovery, and seemed to be largely devoid of emotion, except for a hint of what could be considered either shyness, or dubiousness toward the antics of the Mage and Thief. Robin had spent most of the afternoon speaking a mile a minute, telling her brother about the events that led her to the guild.
"…and then everything was on fire and the trees started exploding! We never did find out who started it. It was probably that nasty knight lady we fought later. Did I tell you about that? I did my super cute cheer dance and she died right away! I'm the hero!"
Ari just nods. While he was certainly interested in Robin's words, he understood she tended to embellish her tales. Or just spout off on adventures that never really happened. "Are you sure it wasn't the red girl who burned it?"
"Mhm! She said it wasn't her and then she let me live in her house and she gave me ice cream!" Robin exclaimed. That was plenty of reason not to suspect her.
"If she has ice cream I guess she's okay. She's out of chocolate bars and cupcakes." Ari shrugged, already having absconded with most of the Mage's sweets when she wasn't looking. He still didn't seem entirely comfortable with his new company, as his body language suggested while he watched the Mage and Thief converse with a creepy looking girl with an animal skull for a hat.
"…and sure is Human, Yeh?" Yasumi asked, rubbing her chin as she looked over at the boy inquisitively, sizing him up. Doing the mental arithmetic in her head as for a ballpark estimate of how much his soul and faith would be worth.
"Mhm! No wings so he can't be a fairy or an angel!" Sally responds, having already deduced that there isn't much else he could be.
"Yeah, if he was an Angel he'd probably be preachin' to us about joy to the world or some other sappy love stuff, nyao." Momoko added, leaning up against a nearby tree.
"Would prefer Angel. Holy meat is delicacy. Best value as sacrifice. But Angel is much work. Have to defile first before sacrificing." Yasumi replied. In addition to being both a dark assembly senator and a bloodthirsty cannibal, the shaman is also an oracle and licensed appraiser of dark offerings to ancient horrors. That's kind of her job position at the assembly anyway.
"So how much is he worth?" Sally asked, hoping that the Shaman won't lowball the estimate.
"If it's more than 10,000HL I'm stealin' it, nyao." Momoko added.
"Human soul weighs 21.3 grams. Worth weight in gold. Gold is 6500 HL per ounce. Human soul worth… mmm… 136000 HL!"
Sally's and Momoko had Hellmark symbols in their eyes at the mention of that. "Dibs!" They both spoke in perfect unison.
"Wait wait wait. Have to do ritual first. Human soul exchange rate not fixed. Need make sure uncorrupted. Corrupt soul worth less. Red hair fire girl! Need an altar. Go get old lemonade stand!" Yasumi commanded, pointing over Sally's shoulder towards her house, where she had a shed where she keeps most of her outdoor supplies/toys/larger torture devices.
"Hoi!" The Mage chirped, before scuttling off to fetch the furnishings.
"Cat ear steal girl. Need go get torches. Fire important in purification ritual. Also keeps mosquitoes away." The Shaman spoke to Momoko next, before slapping her upper leg right on cue to smash an irritating bug.
"You should really put some spray on that, nyao." Momoko teased, as she headed over to raid Kimberley's garden shed for some torches from the big dark assembly luau last summer.
Ari just stood there, looking apprehensive as Sally and Momoko ran off. "The skull girl gives me the creeps."
Robin opened her mouth, wanting to say something nice. But seeing the look on Yasumi's face… those glowing red eyes and that wicked, evil grin… "Yeah… she kinda gives me the creeps too."
Yasumi turned her head around, looking over her shoulder, teeth bared in a horrifying rictus grin as she seemingly heard Robin's words. The fairy darted behind Ari and cowered a bit. But before either could speak, Sally returned, dragging a crudely nailed together wooden stand that she used for a lemonade sale scheme. She ended up being shut down by the Dark Assembly for operating without a license, and multiple health violations because the artificial flavoring in her lemonade was made with tile and grout cleaner.
Momoko returned shortly thereafter, with an arm full of wooden tiki torches. "This is what Kimberley had, nyao."
"Is good enough. Start planting torches! And begin feeling woe and despair!" Yasumi commanded, as she equipped her divining rod; a staff made of a skull and spinal cord, festooned with totems and feathers. She held it above her head with both arms as she began to dance a cursed dance.
Momoko and Sally planted the torches in a ring around the lemonade altar, and the Mage did the honors of lighting them by breathing fire on each one. "I couldn't find a lot of citronella so we better get this done quick, nyao." The thief added.
"Okay. Human boy! Open thy heart and present thy soul for judgement!" Yasumi firmly planted the base of her staff into the grass and stood like a sentinel at the foot of the altar.
"I really don't want to." Ari replied.
"C'mooooon! We gotta find out how pure your soul iiiiiiis! Think of all the mooonnneeeeey!" Sally whined, starting to wiggle around and fidget as she tended to do when a lot of HL was riding on something. Was a horrible tell when they guild plays poker.
"You're going to try to sacrifice me, aren't you?" Ari looked suspiciously toward the Shaman.
"Ye… I mean no! No no! No sacrifice! Just… ceremonial spirit poking is all! With toy dagger! It like playing doctor! Witch doctor." Yasumi waved both hands at him, making a 'crap he's onto us Sally please think of a plan' face.
"Mmmh… ooh! Okay, uhm… if you play this game, Ari, we'll all go to the Ice Cream Parlor and buy big huge giant banana splits with all your soul money after this is over!" Sally suggested.
"W…wait! You can trade money for ice cream?!" Robin's eyes lit up at this realization, and hastily decided that throwing her brother under the bus was sounding like an appealing plan. "Well… it won't hurt to just play this game once, right Ari?"
"Do you really think I'd fall for that trick?" Ari asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yep!" Sally chirped enthusiastically.
"Mhm!" Yasumi added, nodding and smiling.
Ari just sighed, as he began walking over toward the Shaman. "Fiiiiiine…"
"Yes! Let us begin ritual now. Look deeply into eyes." The shaman spoke, the end of her statement dripping with malice.
BGM: ~Disgaea D2 OST: Bad Guy~
watch?v=Kgwc-vtxLM4
She closed her own eyes, holding her left arm horizontally over her chest, clutching her staff, and placing her right hand over her face, spreading her fingers in a vulcan salute, opening one eye and visible between her middle and ring finger. Her sclera glowing a bright, blood red.
Ari leaned back slightly. There was now an aura about the Shaman. Something tangibly unholy. Writhing and crackling around her.
"Eye of Dolvalky looks through me. Can see into you. Your misfortune, your pain, your anguish! Oooh… oooh ooooh! Much, much anguish." The Shaman spoke, trying to scry into the boy's very spirit to unearth whatever bad memories she could find. What she found was a chaotic torrent of bad luck and ill deeds upon him. She could only ascertain brief flashes of what was there.
"D…don't…" Ari responded, closing his eyes and tensing up. He couldn't particularly feel anything from the process, except unease at exactly what bad memories she would see.
"Kekeke! Oaaahhh… human boy Ari! You are veritable Pinata of misfortune!" Yasumi's body language and tone changed, from creepy to delighted. She held her hands behind her back and stood upright, emulating the Mage's cutie act, seemingly humbled by whatever horrors had occurred to Ari prior to coming to the Netherworld.
"Can help with misfortune. Am professional shaman. Soul currently tempest of bad memories, bad luck, bad acts. Please lay on Altar and will separate misfortunes out." She gestured again to the small wooden table.
"I really don't trust you though." Ari responded, still understandably hesitant even with the change in tone from the Shaman.
"Hey, neither do we, nyao." Momoko snarked.
"Just do it. Think about the ice cream!" Robin did three cheers to encourage Ari on. Oh the boundless fairy enthusiasm was just infectious.
"And wear this. Cover eyes from light so can see into spirit world!" Yasumi handed him a hastily woven blindfold made of napkins.
"Fine, but no murdering me." Ari put the blindfold on and floated a few inches off the ground inexplicably, before laying on his back on the altar.
"Promise!" Yasumi had her fingers crossed behind her back. "Now! Mage girl! Begin the chant!"
Sally eagerly put on a tiki mask and began speaking in tongues, dancing excitedly while waving a pair of cheerleading pom poms around. "Hoʻolaʻa mākou i kēia mōhai ma ka inoa o Dolvalky, ke akua o ka pōʻino."
"Kekeke! Offering! OFFERING OF BAD FORTUNE TO DOLVALKY! ACCEPT THIS MORTAL INTO YOUR BELLY! FEAST UPON HIS EVERLASTING ANGUISH AND PAI-"
"Excuse me, what are you two doing?" Came a stern, scolding, snobbish voice to the rescue.
There was a short silence.
BGM: ~Disgaea 5 OST: Who are you?~
watch?v=zsefcRnvupU
Kimberley had arrived, exiting her home and walking over to see Yasumi perched aside the lemonade altar, about to drive a wavy Kris dagger with a dragon talisman on it into Ari's chest, while Sally cheered on, and Momoko and Robin just chilled in the background.
"Nothing! Nothing at all!" Yasumi quickly hid the dagger behind her back and grinned a toothy 'it's not what it looks like!' grin.
"Yeah! We were just doing… uhm… playing doctor! It was, like, aortal acupuncture therapy!" Sally similarly hid the tiki mask behind her back and joined Yasumi in trying to look innocent.
"Yeah, reeeeeal smooth exit there, nyao." Momoko snarked again, grinning a sly cat grin as she observed, anticipating the duo getting a scolding.
"You were too going to murder me." Ari sighed, and floated up a few inches over the grass away from the altar, and out of reach of the Mage and Shaman. "We'd still better get ice cream after this."
"Yeah! Ice cream! Ice cream! Don't forget the ice cream!" Robin cheered, fluttering over next to Ari as well.
"This is a human sacrifice ritual, isn't it?" Kimberley crossed her arms over her chest and looked crossly at the duo. Not buying the act.
Sally sighed. No sense covering it up. "Yeah. It is…" She hung her head low and waved her robe sleeves left and right. "But this time it's special! Cuz we have, like, an actual factual human!" She gestured to Ari.
"'Sup." Ari waved weakly back.
"Oh, I… see… hmm." Kimberley raised an eyebrow, as she regarded the human boy skeptically. "Well, normally I wouldn't bother stopping you. Sacrifice rituals are a fun and relaxing pastime in the Netherworld, but I simply can not have blood stains all over my yard. It will leave brown spots and be unsightly to any guests I might bring around."
"Good! Kimberley agrees! Will pay dividends from return on investment to Dolvalky. Can finish ritual now? Will put tarp under human to catch blood." Yasumi asked.
"Hmm, actually… it is odd that a human would show up in the Netherworld in the first place, where did he-" Kimberley began to ask, but was cut off by Robin's excitable babbling.
"I wished for him on a star at night and he came!" Robin exclaimed, spreading her arms wide and causing some fairy dust to poof forth out of nowhere apparently.
"Her story's about as good an explanation as we've got, nyao." Momoko added, shrugging and holding her hands out to either side, palms raised.
"I… see. Ordinarily it would be my place to investigate such an anomaly, but… it is around tea time." Kimberley responded.
"I think every time is tea time for you, nyao." Momoko teased.
"Ahh, indeed. I believe on a day such as this, an afternoon blend of Flowerful Darjeeling tea would act to cleanse the palate with its delicate flavor, just as the rains have cleared the air and left it feeling refreshed." She spoke, before clapping her hands twice. "Prinny troupe!"
A half dozen Prinnies scuttled from Kimberley's home, hearing the clarion call of her clapping, but upon spotting Sally and her entourage, they all paused for a moment. "Wh…what do you want, dood?"
"Please prepare some afternoon tea. And scones, of course." Kimberley commanded, in the sort of radiant and snobbish accent that was her custom.
"SCONES!" Sally cheered.
"Scones?" Ari asked.
"Mhm! They're, like, the beeeeeest!" The Mage's eyes lit up at the prospect of delicious, mouthwatering scones, with clotted cream and fresh strawberry jam!
"Uhmm… I've never had a scone before! Can I have one?" Robin asked, fluttering up all excited like.
"Scones inferior substitute for flesh. Would like fresh cow offal please." Yasumi requested.
"Very well then, Prinny troupe! Please prepare a full platter of scones, and enough Tea for Sally and her friends." Kimberley ordered.
"Aye aye, dood!" The Prinny-in-chief saluted with his flipper, eager to put a few walls between himself and the Mage… and any of her crazy friends.
"What were those penguin things?" Ari asked, tilting his head to one side curiously.
"Oh, those are Prinnies! They're, like, the reincarnated souls of sinful humans or something!" Robin explained.
"They blow up when you throw them. It's so much fun! Ooh, we should do Prinny Bowling again sometime!" Sally added, ever gleeful in her schadenfreude toward the little blue fireworks-on-stilts.
"We use them for Cheap Labor, nyao. If they're big enough jerks to get sent down here, then they'd better be ready to work to pay off their sins. Say why aren't you a Prinny, kid?" Momoko asked, raising an eyebrow at Ari.
"That is an intriguing question. It's not every day a non-prinnified human being arrives in this part of the Netherworld. And those that do tend to be most extraordinary in some way." Kimberley mused.
"He's my brother!" Robin blurted out, once again.
"Is that… so? You're a fairy though. I find it odd for a demon and a human to be related…" Kimberley replied.
"Well uhm…!" Robin paused for a moment. Everything made so much sense to her until it was pointed out. "Uuuuuuuhhhhhmmmm….!"
Ari remained silent.
"Oooh… I feel a mystery coming on, nyao." Momoko was suddenly quite intrigued, observing with a cheshire cat grin as Robin and Ari both struggled to remember why and how they were brother and sister.
"Kekeke! Curse of amnesia. Forgot special abilities. Robin can make fairy dust to cure. Or can take to Hospital for Espoir." Yasumi added, and while normally she'd revel in their curse, she too is starting to get curious.
"I don't see the little question mark thingy over their head. Uhm… Robin! Try and do that dance thing from the other day you used on the Knight!" Sally commented.
"SP up! Int up! Stat boost! Stat boost rah rah rah-" Robin once again broke into her little dance, firecrackers going off around her. Mhm, clearly special abilities were working. So there was something else amiss here.
Before any further exposition could take place however, the Prinnies returned, carrying several trays with a teapot, cups, saucers, and a big plate of scones.
"SCONE!" Sally exclaimed, darting over to the plate and proceeding to hog each and every one of the puffy little biscuits for herself, stuffing them into her mouth as fast as she could smear jam or whipped cream onto them.
"I'd like a scone." Ari spoke, floating over and reaching out toward the plate. The Mage, voracious and aggressive toward her sweets, snapped at him, nearly biting his hand. "MINE!"
Ari grimaced, eye narrowing at the Mage. He drew from his inventory his primary weapon: A wooden baseball bat. Before he and Sally began to fight over the treats, Kimberley sprayed both of them with a spray bottle of water. "No. No biting. Bad."
"Uwaaaaahhhhhh! I'm meeeeeltiiiiiiiiing agaaaaaaain!" Sally began to whine and flail about in response to the spray.
"Each of you may have one scone. No stealing. Sally. Momoko." Kimberley spoke, sternly.
"Geh, Fiiiiiine…" Momoko put away the plunder hand she was in the process of stretching over her paw glove, having planned to just yoink the whole platter and run off.
With Sally distracted, Ari just reached out to grab the scone and taste its light buttery contents for the first time, but at exactly that moment, another voice pierced the afternoon serenity, or what passed for 'serenity' in the Netherworld.
BGM: ~Disgaea 3 OST: Burst Out~ watch?v=MjdpmJwOXjQ
"Don't touch that Scone." The anger in the voice was palpable as a familiar antagonist returned, sword drawn, staring down the Mage, who ceased her flailing on the ground and stood upright, scone held firmly in her maw.
Esmerelda the Magic Knight had returned. With a squad of ruffians backing her up, and a half a roll of paper towels stuffed in each bra cup. "I believe we have something to settle, Mage, and this time, I mean business."
"Waaah. The meanie's back!" Robin squealed, hiding behind Ari, who had, while no one was looking, consumed all the remaining tea and biscuits.
"Kekeke! Flatchest Knight returns. Conduit for Dolvalky's blessings. Want more curse?" Yasumi grinned the same predatory grin she had during their last encounter. If she couldn't sacrifice a human, she could sacrifice the next best thing.
Sally quickly gobbled down her own mouthful of scone and drew her staff. "Hey yeah, we beat you once before. And I've got, like, my guild at full power this time."
"Hmmfp. Do you now? Well, we shall see how your, guild fares against true warriors. Gentlemen, if you would…" The Knight gestured for her rogues' gallery of hired goons to step forward. A warrior, martial artist, sinner, brute warrior, and gunner all emerged. All of them looked like quite rough customers, cracking their knuckles and making sleazy-eyed leers at the assortment of squishy mages and support classes before them. "I've promised these men ample payment and the permission to do whatever they like to you after we thrash you."
"Yeah, that's the little pussycat who's been pillaging all my good headbands and garden gnomes." The Warrior glared at Momoko, before stretching his neck from side to side.
"Pfff. Next time have somethin' better to swipe then, nyao." Momoko winked, sizing up her foe.
"We're gonna mess you gals up reeeeal baaaad. And then… we're gonna make you eat your vegetables." The Brute Warrior spat. Sally and Robin both gasped in shock and horror at this threat.
"Yo', these hens got some kinda human-being-kinda-kid with 'em. Betcha we can make a fair bit of scratch sellin 'im to that crazy Clergy guy at the old cathedral. Hope you like bein' strapped to an operating table, huh, kiddo?" The Gunner jeered.
Something about that statement sent a chill down Ari's spine, and he tightened his grip on his bat. Clearly he had struck some kind of nerve "I'll kill you if you even think about it."
"Oooh. Real tough guy we got here. Got anything else to say, bozo?" The Gunner replied, sarcasm thick in his voice, as he drew his pistol from its holster and twirled it around on his finger. Granted, it was a wooden rubber band gun, but you still gotta be careful. You can put someone's eye out with that thing.
As for the other members of Esmerelda's goons. The Warrior was packing a rank 4 hammer, while the Sinner had nothing but his own meaty fists. The brute warrior had a set of knuckle dusters on, while the martial artist had by far the deadliest weapon of the pack; a thimble. Yes, an ordinary sewing thimble… from the Land of Carnage.
"Now. Enough talk! I am Esmerelda the Magic Knight, and I will have my revenge and get my boobs back! Prepare yourselves, charlatans! My men will show you no mercy or quarter!"
"Bring it oooooon! Disgaea guild adventure squad! ASSEMBLEEEEEEE!" The shrill battle cry of the Mage echoed through the air, as the battle began in earnest. Sally, Yasumi, Momoko, Robin, and Ari all arranged themselves and prepared for a real fight!
BGM: ~Makai Kingdom OST: Invasion of the Devil World~
watch?v=N2PNnQWDrD0
BATTLE START
Esmerelda's team stood in a slightly staggered manner, with the Warrior and Sinner in the middle, Brute on the left, and Martial artist on the right. Esmerelda and the Gunner stood back, likely wanting to use ranged attacks to wear down their foes.
The Adventure Squad was similarly arranged. Sally and Momoko stood center front, with Ari and Robin behind and to the right. Yasumi was further back and to the left of them.
"Okay, martial artist guy has a crazy weapon on him so he's the primary threat, nyao. Focus your debuffs on him and I'll steal it away, then Sally, you can hit them with a fire spell. Ari and Robin should stay back out of the line of fire, and Kimberle… uhm? Kimberley?"
The Archer was still sitting at her patio table, legs crossed, tea and saucer in hand as she observed from the sidelines like a noblewoman watching an opera performance. "Oh, I won't be participating in this battle. It is tea time after all." She spoke.
"Well… at least make your Prinnies fight for us!" Sally whined, huffing a bit at the lack of support from the Archer.
"No can do, dood!" The Prinny-in-chief interjected. "We've got, uhm… like laundry to do. So have fun dying, dood!"
"Nnnhff… okay, fine. Me and Yasumi can tank most of them. They're all mid-level wannabes anyway. Just keep out of the line of fire and use ranged attacks, we'll have the advantage, as long as they don't get close."
"Will not get close. Will be too busy having noodle legs. All of them. Kekekeke." Yasumi grinned, evilly, as her eyes began to glow that unearthly shade of orange again, and she began collecting an inky black fluid which looked to be woven from pure undiluted hate in the air above herself. "Prepare selves! For you shall all become Children of Dolvalky! Curses! Curses for everyone! CURSE STOOOOR-"
"Ahem…" Kimberley piped up, glaring at Yasumi. "No curses, please."
"But… Curse storm!?" Yasumi looked over at Kimberley with a pleading expression.
"No curse storm. I do not want to be showered by curses at tea time." Kimberley spoke.
"But… but…. but...!"
"Use one of your other debuffs. Please."
"Fine…" Yasumi looked a bit dejected that she couldn't unleash her trademark ability. And so the poor shaman had to settle for targeting the Martial Artist with a lesser skill. Aptitude Down.
The de-buff struck the martial artist as he began to approach, causing him to briefly drop his thimble, pausing mid-charge to kneel down and feel around on the ground for it.
"Now's our chance, nyao. I'm going for it!" The thief exclaimed. Using her superior SPD and MV, Momoko deftly darted forward, slipping her stealing hand over her paw as she did, intending to swipe that thimble away, only to be met with a rubber band directly to the bridge of her nose from the deadly accurate shot of the gunner. "Haw! Gotcha!"
A second shot flew across Momoko's nose, missing by a hair, but causing the thief to stumble back, giving the martial artist a precious second to slip the thimble back on his middle finger, and lunge with a savage Triple Strike combo to Momoko's midsection, sending her flying. The power of the Carnage-imbued thimble had increased the already potent warrior's ATK by 41 times! The thief was launched backwards but was able to land on her feet due to her deft, catlike reflexes. She was still clutching her ribs, however, having lost quite a chunk of HP. "Nnnhff… underestimated these guys… Sally?"
The Mage was on the other side of the battlefield, facing off against the Brute, the Sinner, and the Warrior. The three charged directly at her, looming menacingly over the small-framed magical girl. Sally began muttering some magic words. That is, whatever words she could blurt out that seemed magical, and began conjuring up her strongest most extra special cutie fire she could muster. "Innie, Outie, Inari, INFERNOOOOOO! GIGA FIIIIRRRREEEEE!"
With that shrill battle cry, a wall of flame emerged from the ground in front of her. This caught the Sinner, who had the highest SPD and was the closest, off guard, scalding him severely, and shaving off quite a chunk of his HP. The warrior and brute, approaching behind him, skidded to a halt.
"Being on fire is fun! You should both try it! Jump right in!" It isn't clear if Sally was egging them on or legitimately believed that, as she watched the two misfits wait out the flames.
…but it was not them she needed to be concerned with. Esmerelda conjured a ball of green energy in her hand, casting it onto her sword. "Wind Weapon!" She called out, as a swirling green vortex spun around her blade. She hefted it up, and slashed directly toward the fire wall, the wind powering her slice and cleaving the flames open, forcing Sally, and Robin behind her, to duck and roll for cover.
Momoko, darted over to Kimberley's table to grab a scone to heal off of, only to find… "Hey! Who ate all the scones! I need some healin' here, nyao!"
"Healiiiiiing!" Robin exclaimed, fluttering over at top speed, only to be interrupted by two rubber bands, grazing by her face.
"Where you goin', butterfly?" The gunner taunted, though the meaning of it went right over Robin's little head.
"Over here to heal my friend, silly!" Robin exclaimed, with complete sincerity in her voice, before clapping her tiny fairy hands together, and casting her best healing spell directly at the master thief. She felt a bit of her HP rise back up… and also, wait? Was that chest hair? The thief inspected herself to reveal no, it was grass. Growing out of her midsection.
"Wow, body horror much, nyao?" She glared at the fairy, who was rubbing the back of her head and trying to look apologetic.
"S…sorry!"
"Ehh… whatever. Right now we got this Jabroni to deal with!" Momoko exclaimed, doing a quick somersault past the Martial Artist, to grab one of the frozen shards of ice Esmerelda's attack had cast. She loaded it into her water gun, and gave it three mighty pumps, before leveling it at the gunslinger, and pulling the trigger.
"You're super soaked, nyao!"
"GAAAH!" The gunner whined, as he was struck directly in the face by the cold water jet, forcing him to drop his rubber band pistol and… rub his eyes because that stung a little bit.
The Martial Artist however had found a new target. He advanced on Ari, making a warcry of funny Bruce Lee noises, before leaping into the air, and bringing his fist down upon the ground. The human boy however, proved evasive, darting out of the way with a surprisingly high SPD maneuver, before bringing his bat around to strike the fighter in the kneecap.
"YOW! Ssssshhh… aaaahhhh!" He clutched his knee, doubled over in pain. Dropping his thimble in the process, causing it to land somewhere in the grass.
"I didn't even hit you that hard…" Ari responded. It was actually kind of a sad display to watch, but watch he did, leaving most of the fighting to the other four.
From her seat on the sidelines, Kimberley observed the fracas as one would a sporting event. Taking a sip of her fine brew with her pinky raised. While it might seem like typical demonic sloth or neglect not to take sides, there was a reasoning behind all this. With as powerful as she is, Kimberley could end the fight in mere minutes if she truly wished to do so. And she has something she wants to test. Humans in the Netherworld are rarely anything other than extraordinary. She pays close attention to Ari as the battle grows more chaotic.
The brute warrior was now advancing on Yasumi, thrashing wildly at her with his knuckle dusters. Yasumi fought back, squealing some kind of high-pitched 'ieieieieie!' chant, while slashing at the brute with the sacrificial dagger. "Present heart! Present vital organs! Spill blood in name of Dolvalky!"
"I'm gonna take your Dol-val-kee and shove it up your skull, bimbo! Graaah!" The brute responded, managing to briefly get the Shaman in a grab, before Robin fluttered over and tossed another handful of fairy dust in his eyes. The brute groaned in pain and stumbled back. "GRAH! MY EYES! Arrrgh!"
"No touching without permission! That's the rule!" Robin spoke, crossing her arms over her chest and tilting her nose up.
"Kekeke! Curse of blindness. Managed make curse with substance that cures curse. Impressive! Fairy will become Acolyte of Dolvalky yet!" The Shaman cheered, before leaping upon the brute warrior, foregoing stabbing, and proceeding to savagely bite at him with those sharp, flesh-tearing fangs like a wild animal.
In the center of the battlefield, a magical duel had broken out. Esmerelda summoned and cast shards of ice at the Mage, while Sally retaliated with fireball after fireball. "Myuu! Nyuuuu! My fire burns youuu!"
With her sword still charged with wind, she was able to blow the fireballs aside, while launching ice shards with her free hand. "Oh no you don't! Those weak attacks aren't going to so much as make a powerful knight such as myself break a sweat!"
The defensive stance of the Knight was a calculated move. Sally, for all her hyperactivity, had a limited amount of SP. And while she used less of it than many of the other casters of the netherworld, Kimberley's 'one scone policy' had severely depleted her reserves. "Nnnh… running out of magic juice… need sweeeeeets!"
But she didn't even have time to rummage through her inventory for a candy bar or cookie. The ice balls kept coming and coming, and she had to keep on dodging and dodging! She was so focused on Esmerelda, that she didn't notice a hammer blow from the Warrior coming down on her.
*ponk*
Fortunately for Sally, it was just one of those rubber squeaky toy hammers. Unfortunately for Sally, it still hit her with enough force to startle her, forcing her hands to go atop her red-haired noggin to protect it, leaving her open for Esmerelda to conjure a Mega Ice sized snowball, tossing it square at the Mage's midsection. Because of her -50% RES to ice, the attack hit with significantly more force than expected, knocking Sally flat on her back.
The gunner had recovered from his brief squirt to the face, and despite a minor loss of HP, he was still very much in the fight. He and Momoko dueled, with squirts of water flying one way, and rubber bands the other. Each dodged the other's projectiles, until Momoko made a quick dart to the left. The gunner had briefly run out of ammo, and needed to reload. Momoko grinned her trademark Cheshire cat smile, seeing an opening, but she had unknowingly put herself in peril.
Floating one tile behind her, was Robin, who was trying to heal Sally… or grow a pecan tree out of the top of her head. It wasn't clear which. And one tile behind her, Yasumi had been thrown off of the Brute Warrior like a bucking bronco, but held one of his severed ears in her teeth for his trouble.
That was enough of an opening for Esmerelda, who lept into the fray with all the MV she had, drawing her blade, which still had just a bit of wind charged to it, and lept forth in a Blade Rush attack, striking Momoko, Robin, and Yasumi all at once. With Sally still recovering from the ice bolt, it gave her team the initiative once again.
"HYAH!" Momoko fell to the ground, clutching a severe cut to her shooting arm, having dropped her water gun.
"Owie owie owie!" Robin lay behind her, her wings having been bent severely by the wind.
"Gyaaaah! Curse of major lacerations! Dolvalky wants MY blood now!" Yasumi groaned, covered in wounds, doubling over onto the ground.
The ruffians began to close in on all sides, still on their feet and eager to finish the fight. The Brute was wounded and blooded, but the pain only seemed to feed his rage. The Sinner was scorched, but still had a third of his HP remaining. The Warrior was still at full HP, and was ready to put the squeaky hammer down.
"Hey. Jerks. Did you forget about me?" Ari spoke, staring down the bunch as he blew a bubble of mint gum out of the corner of his mouth, putting on his best 'tough kid' look. It wasn't that intimidating, and only prompted the warriors to laugh at him.
"Hah. Well, if you're volunteering to take a beating in their place, look no further…" The Warrior spoke, menacingly, as he and the other three charged forth, striking out all at once.
It would seem like Ari was about to be obliterated by a powerful team attack, but SPD was on his side. The brute warrior swiped first, but his attack was easily avoided. He still had fairy dust in his eyes and that meant a HIT debuff. The sinner struck next, but Ari was already on the move, and dodged his attack just as easily. The Warrior's hammer struck home, but barely nicked the boy, setting him up for a brutal counter attack.
A bat to the wrist caused the warrior to drop the hammer, then another to the jaw put him flat on his back, out cold. A few teeth having been freed from his gum line.
From behind, the Martial Artist hobbled over on his one good knee, intending to drive the carnage thimble through Ari's eye sockets, but this attack was preempted as a small red firecracker went directly up his nose, putting him down for the count and likely obliterating his sense of taste for the rest of his life.
Robin had recovered just enough to get that spell out, and she followed it up with another healing spell. Yasumi may have had some poison ivy vines growing across her, and Momoko may be experiencing some literal ear potatoes, but their wounds were at least partly mended, and they were up and ready for battle.
"Heh, guess the tables have turned, nyao!" Momoko grinned, firing her water gun at the sinner, right on his shirtless chest.
"Grah! Cold cold cooooold!" He whined, shivering and trying to warm himself.
"Ehehehe, well I'll use, like, my extra special cutie magic to warm you right up! Pokonn!" Sally cast a powerful fireball directly at the distracted Sinner. With the team attack bonus from Momoko's squirtgun strike, it was a critical hit. The flames spread across his chest, causing him to stop, drop, and roll as his HP ran out. "There! Extra toasty! Ehehehehe… heheha… ahahaha… AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Uhm… I think you're overdoing it a bit, Sally!" Robin chirped, at the increasingly manic laughter and the twinkle the Mage was getting in her eyes.
Yasumi was still fighting the Brute, trying to garrote him with the ivy vines Robin had caused to grow out of her, but the stubborn demon wouldn't go down. "Kimberleeeeeeyyyy! Can pleeeeeese use cuuuuuuurse?"
"I believe you're doing just fine without them." Kimberley spoke, before sipping her tea again.
"Just one curse? Pretty pleeeeeease?" She asked, all the while wrestling with the thrashing Brute as she pleaded with the Archer.
"Fine. I'll allow you one curse on a single target."
"Yes! One curse! Already have target for curse! PREPARE SELF FOR CURSE!" Yasumi bellowed evilly, as she conjured what appeared to be a sphere of inky black mist into her hands, and then cast it down at the brute's head.
"That all you got…what the…aaahhh….bzzzzzzzz!" The Brute's words were replaced by a torrent of live locusts pouring out of his mouth. His eyeballs then began to blister up and melt out of his head like a pair of overcooked marshmallows. A cacophony of locust-yells and manic flailing on the ground put the brute out of the fight for good.
"Ahh, the Pharaoh's Tomb Special I see. A classic." Kimberley clapped a few times at Yasumi's work, and then sipped her tea again. Pinky raised in a classy manner.
The gunner grit his teeth, having put some fresh rubber bands in his gun and he knew exactly where to put 'em. Leveling his rubber band gun at the juiciest target he could find in the midst of his suffering teammates. Ari, the human boy who had given them so much trouble. With malice in his heart he squeezed the trigger. The shot was aimed true, soaring through the battlefield as if in slow motion. Even with his high SPD, Ari was unable to dodge out of the way in time, and the projectile flew directly toward his heart…!
"Ow?" Ari responded; his voice devoid of anything resembling pain. The projectile was a rubber band after all, so… really it barely even stung through his Tee-shirt.
The boy had decided enough was enough. He casually walked over aside the fallen martial artist, picked up his carnage thimble, flicked it up into the air, and then slapped it with his bat directly toward the gunner. The tiny thimble flew clear across the battlefield, plinking the gunner directly on the nose.
The fireball from the resulting explosion formed a 300 foot tall mushroom cloud as it rose into the air, shaking the ground, rattling every window, and setting off every car alarm in town. Not since Sally had tried to make a fuel-air bomb out of non-dairy creamer had there been an explosion so potent in the entire Netherworld.
The concussion from the explosion knocked Esmerelda to the ground, her sword flying from her hand. She recovered quickly, only to see that all of her mooks were incapacitated, cursed, roasted, or otherwise defeated. Sally, Momoko, Yasumi, and Ari were all looming over her, cracking their knuckles and eager to exact vengeance upon the woman.
"So what was that about revenge, nyao…?" Momoko grinned evilly, preparing herself to fleece the knight for all she was worth. Yasumi was already pondering a number of unimaginably horrific hexes to afflict upon her. While Sally was considering replacing all of the magic knight's blood with Texas hellfire hot sauce.
"I…impossible! There's no way I could lose to you… you… children!" The Knight balled her fist, and thumped it into the ground, swearing under her breath, at a loss for words as for what had happened. The Curses had been a fluke, but this… this was defeat fair and square. A bitter pill indeed to swallow!
"Well, we won! So now you've gotta… go stand in the corner and think about what you've done!" Robin commanded. The Fairy was ready and willing to dictate terms. "And no dessert before bed either!"
"Robin… uhm… even I'm not that harsh!" Sally seemed rather alarmed at what Robin was saying.
"Ahem…" Kimberley spoke up, clearing her throat as she got up from her café table and strode over.
BGM: ~Disgaea 5 OST: Revenge Blues~ watch?v=DDBQMh1Vojs
"I believe this has gone on long enough. Esmerelda the Magic Knight, as an official representative of the Dark Assembly, let it be known that the terms of your defeat are to hither fore end this vendetta with the Mage, accept your loss, and return home."
"Assembly…" Esmerelda growled. Even she had to answer to their authority. Kimberley radiated both command and power. She was likely stronger than every member of the guild and her own mob put together. But it was her connections that made her truly fearsome. "Fine… I will give you this one. But that red headed brat had better know that once the other demons around here realize she has a Human in her possession…"
"And on that note, this Human is henceforth under My personal protection as an official asset of the Dark Assembly. No Demon subject to their authority is to lay a finger upon him. No harassment. No biting. No sacrifices." Kimerley glared over Esmerelda's shoulder to eye Yasumi, who froze like a deer in the headlights, mid-bite, while snacking upon what appeared to be the Brute Warrior's liver.
"Now, take what is left of your mob and go. Leave my property and do not return. If you want your bust size back, please speak to the attendant at the Netherworld Hospital."
"Fine, I will leave. But… my insurance doesn't cover plastic surgery! I demand some form of compensation for lost revenue, pain, and suffering!" Esmerelda replied, still trying to maintain at least some dignity.
"I'm afraid that is not my problem. Now. Begone, before I am forced to pass binding legislation to have you removed by force. It is on you to file a claim to the Pettanko Compensation Fund and wait two to four business days for a reply." Kimberley crossed her arms.
The Knight just grit her teeth and picked up her sword, angrily sheathing it behind her back and striding off. "Let's go." She commanded her mooks, who shambled or were dragged off in various states of disrepair, leaving the Adventure Squad victorious.
"Thank you, miss…?" Ari replied, but hadn't caught the curly-haired lady's name.
"Kimberley. My name is Kimberley the Archer." She smiled, doing an elegant curtsy and a slight bow before the boy. "And your name is Ari, correct?"
"Yes, that's right. Ari Trosune." The boy spoke back, quietly.
"He's my brother!" Robin blurted out, fluttering over quickly.
"You mentioned that. It is clear that your brother is an extraordinary human. That much I was able to glean while watching the battle. Very few humans can take Demons on at full strength. I am still curious as to the circumstances of your arrival here though."
"I don't know…" Ari responded, looking away shyly.
"I see. Well, I suppose we will conduct some fact finding at a later date. You've all had quite a battle. Let me prepare some medicinal tea and more scones." Kimberley spoke, though she really meant make the Prinnies prepare some medicinal tea and more scones.
"Ooh! Ooh! I can heal you all!" Robin exclaimed. The members of the guild were bruised, scraped, and biffed from the fight, but were all understandably leery about the fairy. Momoko had just finished picking the clover-leaves off of her chest, and Sally was still shaking her head to one side to empty all of the pecan shells out of her ears.
"No no no! You healed us enough! We're good, we're…" Robin ignored Momoko's attempt to head her off, and then shrugged as the fairy healed the three of them anyway. "…good."
Sally, Momoko, and Yasumi now all had topiary branches growing out of their hair, causing each to have a leafy afro reminiscent of a chia pet.
"Sally, I think we need to find a better healer, nyao." Momoko shrugged, starting to pick the branches off.
"I know…" the Mage sighed, as several finches fluttered out of a nest which had appeared in her hair.
One of the finches fluttered back around, spotting a small shiny object embedded in the grass. Momoko watched the bird land, also spotting the glimmer of something small, silver, and metal… the Carnage Thimble! A sly cat grin went over her face as she got down on all fours. Top down, rear in the air, readying herself to pounce on her loot. She wanted that thimble. The most powerful weapon currently in the Netherworld. The Excalibur of sewing-kit! Her justly earned reward! She tensed up her muscles, preparing to lunge forward and grab the article…
…but before she could pounce, the finch pre-empted her. Hopping over to the thimble, scooping it up in its beak, and in one fell swoop becoming the most dangerous living thing in Hell's Half Acre. The finch fluttered off, barely evading Momoko's attempt to grab at it.
"Nyaaaaah! Stupid biiiiiiird! Wellp, there goes my big score for the day."
"I think that bird has a hit list." Ari, perhaps prophetically, mentioned.
"Alright Ari! That was our first victory together as an adventure guild! Ooh, I can't wait until we have some new ones. We can go on all kinds of fun adventures like pillow fort building and trips to the store to buy more sweets!" Robin asked.
"Ooh! And Ice cream too!" Sally added.
"Uhh… sure. I guess I don't have anything better to do." Ari nodded. Despite them having tried to gut him earlier in the afternoon, Ari felt a sense of, if not camaraderie, at least morbid curiosity about these demons and this world.
After all, it seemed like he was going to be here for a while.
BGM: ~Disgaea 1 OST: Angel Smile~
watch?v=sdoWYVEmPsg
Later that night. Back at Sally's Cottage
After the battle, the guild had dispersed back to their homes, tired out from the battle and eager to soothe away their aches and pains.
After a dinner consisting entirely of strawberry shortcake, Sally, Ari, and Robin settled in for the night. While the Mage slumbered her cute little slumber in her pink frilly bedroom, the human boy lay on her living room sofa, covered with a quilt with every little monster class' silhouette sewn into it, with Robin lying right next to him.
"So, uhm… Ari?" The fairy asked, fluttering up, before laying across her brother's chest.
"Yeah?" The boy responded, lazily, staring up at the ceiling. Still wide awake. Apparently the time zones are different between the Netherworld and Human World. Either that, or he had a terrible case of insomnia.
"How did you come here anyway. Was it my wish? I wished for all those boyfriends like the mage wanted but they haven't shown up yet!" The fairy chirped.
"I… I ran away." Is all he could say in response. "I really don't want to talk about it any more."
"Oh… mmmh… also! Cuz you're my big brother, I wanna ask you… uhm… why are you my big brother?" Robin asked, the nagging question which had been on her as well as everyone else's minds this whole time.
"I… don't know that either, but you really…" He spoke softly, sitting upright and looking directly into the fairy's eyes. "Really remind me of… someone I used to know."
"O…oh. Well, you're safe here. Miss Kimberley is really strong, and Sally won't hurt… well, won't be very good at hurting you!" Robin added.
"She seems really weird. But… I kinda like it here. It's not like where I came from." He spoke, somberly. Robin decided not to press the issue, just laying down atop Ari and getting comfortable.
"Well, this place is already literally hell, so it's not like you can go anywhere worse!" Robin spoke, trying to cheer him up.
"As long as I don't go back there."
BGM: ~Earthbound OST: Your Name Please~
/-8VzfZc6TSc
NEXT EPISODE:
Ari: "One night, on a seemingly normal night, everyone was suddenly woken up by a huge meteor crashing into the nearby hill!"
Robin: "A meteor?! Oh oh! Tell us more, tell us more!"
Ari: "Right, so I went to check up on everyone, when I learned that Kimberly's sister, Sally, was missing!
Sally: "We're not sisters-"
Ari: "I agree to help find her and we climb the hill to investigate the meteor where we found Sally. Suddenly, a light came from the meteor, and out of it came a fairy!"
Robin: "Oh oh! This is my part! Ahem! 'A bee I am- NOT! I come from a thousand years in the future, everything's totally terrible! Something something Giygas something something."
Ari: "... Uh, so… We went back down the hill to bring Sally home when we were suddenly intercepted by an assassin from the future!"
Sally: "An assassin? From the future? Ooh, I bet he's got like, a really cool name-"
Ari: "His name was Starman Junior."
Momoko: "How underwhelming, nyao…"
Ari: "Robin protected us with a magic shield."
Robin: "I can do that?"
Ari: "And we defeat the assassin in a fierce battle! We head back to Kimberly's where we return her sister to her, but unfortunately, Kimberly mistakes Robin for a fly and swats her!"
Kimberly: "I'm sorry, but how would anyone confuse a fairy for a fly?"
Ari: "In her dying breath, Robin gave me the sound stone and sent me to find the eight sanctuaries scattered across the world to absorb the earth's power to defeat Giygas!"
Robin: "Wait, but, but I'm not dead!"
Next time on; DisgaeaBound, Ari travels to the city of Onette to confront the dangerous street gang known as the Sharks and their leader; Frankie.
Sally: "I don't even know this game! Waaah!"
Dr. Andonuts: "Crazy kids! You're in the wrong game!"
(Special thanks to Ari AKA Davedave000 for writing this skit.)