Thanks again for the review Love. Fiction. 2020!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Voe asked Ben as he walked into the training room for the first time since the accident. It had been over a week since they'd been injured and while Ben had been more severely injured than Voe, his injuries had healed faster. Broken bones tended to take longer to heal than other injuries and Voe hadn't been placed in a bacta tank like Ben had after the explosion.
"Of course." Ben replied. Of course she was jealous he got to return to training before she did.
"Okay, because I just don't want to see you get injured-"
"I'm fine, Voe." Ben interrupted with a sigh. "Thank you."
"Amaya!" Voe cried, catching sight of her out of the corner of her eye. Ben felt relief wash over him as Voe turned to Amaya, her face breaking into a grin.
Amaya stared back in confusion and Ben almost smiled at the look on her face.
"I heard Master Luke is finally taking you to Ilum to get your lightsaber." Voe said excitedly. "When's it going to be? Did he say whether we can come? I mean, we should be able to, right?"
"Tomorrow, actually." Amaya said, a look of genuine happiness spreading across her face as she said so. Ben smiled in response, subconsciously happy because she was happy. "And I certainly hope you can come. I really don't know what I'd talk to Master Luke about for the entire trip."
Voe laughed, responding with some joke, but Ben wasn't listening. His mind clouded over, a chill running through him as he remembered his own visit to Ilum. He'd only been 10 years old and the dark, coldness of the crystal cave had terrified him. However, that had been nothing compared to what he'd seen. Every fear or insecurity he'd ever had had been laid bare and he'd been forced to watch as nightmarish scenes played out in front of him. The cave knew his every thought and emotion and it had played them back for him in the most cruel way possible.
"Want to duel?" Tai asked, breaking him out of his thoughts. "I might stand a chance now at beating you seeing as you've been out of practice for a week."
Ben forced himself to focus on his friend in front of him and rolled his eyes. "We'll see about that."
Amaya felt her heart leap as the giant snow-covered planet of Ilum came into view outside the ship. She looked over at Ben, flashing him a grin, before returning her attention to the approaching planet.
"So what are the final bets?" Hennix asked. "I bet green, Voe, you also bet green right?"
"Absolutely." Voe said. "Tai?"
"Blue." Tai said, prompting Voe to shake her head.
"There's no way." Voe said. "You're going down."
"Do I get to bet too?" Amaya asked, turning back to face the other padawans.
"No." Hennix and Voe said in unison, causing Amaya to laugh.
"Ben?" Hennix asked. "What's your bet?"
Ben hesitated, looking unsure. "Come on, man, everyone's got to bet." Hennix pushed.
"Purple." Ben said at last, drawing looks of surprise from everyone, including Amaya.
"Does purple even exist?" Amaya asked.
"It's rare but yes." Tai said.
"Why purple?" Hennix asked. "That is the least likely outcome, statistically-speaking. Why would you bet on that?"
Ben shrugged, half smirking, "Never tell me the odds."
"It's your funeral." Hennix replied.
The ship shook violently as they entered the atmosphere. Amaya turned back to the window, watching in awe as snowflakes floated past the ship as it approached the ground. She stared out across the snowy expanse, her stomach bubbling with excitement.
"Wait...Amaya have you ever seen snow before?" Hennix asked and Amaya turned to grin at him.
"Nope." She said, "Honestly, I'm more excited about the snow than I am about the lightsaber."
Her friends laughed, unbuckling as the ship came to a stop outside of a giant cave.
"Everyone ready?" Luke asked, coming back from the cockpit to get them. "Voe, you going to be okay?"
"I'm fine." Voe said, hobbling out after him to prove that she was, in fact, capable.
Why purple? Amaya asked Ben through the Force, capitalizing on her new skill to have a private conversation. She had been using it quite a lot lately, if she was honest. Sometimes at night, when she couldn't sleep, she'd reach out through the Force and talk to Ben in his room down the hall. He was always awake, no matter how late she reached out, and this worried her more than she let on.
I'll tell you after you go into the cave. Ben said. I don't want to influence you.
You wouldn't, but okay. Amaya said, breaking off from the Force to look around herself with her own eyes. She lifted up her gloved hands, watching the snowflakes land on her palms.
"Amaya?" Luke asked, coming up to her. "Are you ready?"
Amaya pulled her attention away from the snowflakes with great difficulty and forced herself to focus on her master. "Yes, I'm ready." She said.
"Okay, come with me." Luke said, turning to walk over to the entrance of the giant cave. Amaya followed him, watching with amusement as Hennix threw a snowball at Voe, causing her to scream and shove him into a snowbank with the Force.
"Good luck." Tai said, coming to join Amaya, Ben, and Luke near the entrance to the cave. "Not that this requires any luck...but good luck anyway."
"What exactly is going to happen in there?" Amaya asked, knowing full well she wouldn't get a straight answer.
"It's different for everyone." Luke said.
"What happened for you?" Amaya asked, but Luke shook his head. He pulled out his lightsaber, showing it to Amaya.
"This is my father's lightsaber." He said. "I've never had to make my own."
"What about you?" Amaya asked Ben and Tay, but they too shook their heads.
"If you're so curious, go see for yourself." Ben said, gesturing towards the cave.
Amaya swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous as she realized this was it. Better to just get on with it.
Amaya turned towards the cave, walking slowly up to its entrance. She looked up at the icicles hanging off the roof of the cave and shivered, suddenly missing the rainy island she had complained about so much at first. She took one last look at her friends and Luke, smiling as Voe and Hennix waved at her from their place by the ship, before turning back to the cave.
Amaya walked in, following the path that led deep into the cave. The farther in it went, the darker it became until finally, no light from the outside world made it in. Amaya closed her eyes and opened them again, unable to tell a difference. She reached out for the wall, desperate for some kind of sensation in the dark, and almost screamed when a familiar voice echoed through the cave, louder than she'd ever heard it.
"I thought you weren't scared of the dark?" Snoke's voice asked, and Amaya tripped, falling into the hard wall of the cave. She climbed back onto her feet, a searing pain in her leg, and looked around herself in the darkness.
"You can't be here." She said quietly. "This is a trick."
"Oh but I am here." Snoke said, and Amaya shielded her eyes as a light appeared in the darkness, illuminating the figure of a tall man with sickly, distorted features. His skin was pale as the snow outside and so thin his face looked skeletal.
Amaya walked towards him, trying to remain calm. "Why?" She asked.
Snoke laughed and Amaya felt her skin crawl. "I'm a part of you now." He said.
"You're not." Amaya said, walking towards him until she was a foot away. She reached out a shaking hand, feeling a feeling of triumph coursing through her when her hand passed through his body.
Amaya looked up at the apparition, her jaw set. "You're not real." She said, walking through him and continuing on down the path of the cave.
Moments later, the light from the apparition disappeared and Amaya was left in total darkness once again. She wondered privately where the crystals were. If they were around her, she couldn't see them. How was she supposed to find her own?
"Amaya!" Ben's voice rang out and Amaya froze, looking back the direction she came. Had he come looking for her? Or was this another trick of the cave?
"Ben?" Amaya called back, her voice echoing around the cave.
"I'm here." Ben said and Amaya spun back around. She squinted through the dark, trying to see where his voice was coming from.
"Where?" She asked, walking towards the voice.
"Here." He said and Amaya jumped, feeling a hand on her shoulder. She spun around, reaching out through the impenetrable darkness. She felt nothing and so she reached out through the Force, realizing as she did so that he wasn't here. It was another trick.
Snoke's laughter rang out on all sides of her and Amaya spun around again as a light ignited behind her. She stared at the apparition before her, approaching it cautiously. It was Ben, but he looked older and he was dressed differently. His hair was longer and there were dark circles under his eyes, almost as if he hadn't been sleeping.
Amaya felt a shiver run down her spine as whispers started up all around her, growing louder and louder until she could pick out bits and pieces of what they were saying.
"This is your home. Don't wish away what you have. You don't know how lucky you are." She heard her mother's voice say, dredging up memories from long ago.
"Your husband wants you back. Your son wants you back." The disembodied voice of the man who'd come for her mother said, his voice echoing off the cave walls.
The whispers became even louder and Amaya covered her ears as a gun went off and her mother screamed. "Stop." Amaya begged, getting closer to the apparition of Ben for comfort.
The cave ignored her, the whispers getting louder. Amaya heard her own voice screaming before the voices of the children who died in the bombing came to drown out the sound. Amaya braced herself for the explosion that followed and the subsequent whispers of the bomb shelter and the rebel base. Having decided she'd heard enough, Amaya turned to Ben, desperate for help.
"What do I do?" Amaya asked the apparition of Ben. "How do I find the crystal?"
"The crystal's gone, Amaya. It's all gone." Ben replied, a look of regret filling his face.
"What do you mean it's gone?" Amaya asked.
"Come with me." Ben said, his eyes watering and Amaya took a step towards him, her eyes widening in shocked confusion.
"What?" She breathed. "Come with you where?"
"Please." He begged.
"Where, Ben?" She asked.
Snoke's laughter rung out once more through the cave. "You thought you could keep him from me." Snoke's voice sneered. "You fail, Amaya. You fail."
Ben looked around them, as if hearing Snoke's voice. He lifted his lightsaber, igniting it, and Amaya stepped away from him in horror. Instead of its usual blue color, the lightsaber was red and came from the sides of the handle as well as the top.
Amaya shook her head. No, it wasn't true. It was a trick of the cave. This wasn't Ben and the voice wasn't Snoke. Steeling herself, Amaya walked towards Ben, passing through him and continuing deeper into the cave. After a few moments, the light behind her extinguished itself and Amaya continued walking in the pitch darkness. She walked in silence for what seemed like an eternity until a faint light appeared at the end of the tunnel. Amaya fixed her eyes on the light, watching it grow as she approached it until at last she could see it was a doorway. More specifically, her doorway.
Amaya felt a lump rise in her throat as she stopped in front of the door to her childhood home on Alfazine. Amaya swallowed thickly and reached out a shaking hand, turning the knob.
The light from inside was so blinding, Amaya had to put up an arm to cover her eyes while they adjusted. When she was finally able to remove her arm, she found she was inside her old kitchen. Everything was exactly as she remembered it. At the table sat her mother, holding a purple crystal in her hands.
"You made it." Her mother said as Amaya struggled to compose herself enough to respond. Seeing her mother in front of her, talking to her, for the first time in years...it made her temporarily forget that none of this was real.
"Mom." Amaya managed to say, rooted to the spot.
A look of sadness filled her mother's face and she stood up, crossing the room to approach Amaya. She was more translucent than the other apparitions had been and Amaya could almost see through her. She didn't look real...she looked like a kind of luminescent ghost.
"I'm so proud of you." She said, her eyes filling with tears. Amaya choked back tears of her own, fixing her gaze on the floor in an attempt to compose herself.
"I miss you." Amaya said at last, forcing herself to look back up at her mother.
"I know." Her mother said, "But you're not alone."
"I know." Amaya said, the tears rolling down her cheeks now.
"And your father." Her mother continued. "He isn't the monster you think he is. He loved me and he was kind to me...I just couldn't bring myself to love him back."
"And what about Ancai?" Amaya asked.
"Leaving him was my biggest regret." Her mother replied. "He's a good boy. Don't judge him too quickly."
Amaya closed her eyes, trying to get a grip. She wasn't real. She was just an apparition like Snoke and Ben had been. Amaya opened her eyes once more, shaking her head.
"You're not real." She said, sadly.
Her mother smiled sadly, holding out the purple crystal. "You ventured further into the cave than most do. People think purple crystals are rare...but they're really not. Most people just don't come in far enough to find them."
Amaya took the crystal from her, feeling its weight in her hands. It was real. But if it was real then how had her mother, a mere apparition been able to pick it up?
Before Amaya could question this any further, the room around her twisted and melted like water, disappearing before her very eyes. She was sucked back into the darkness and cold of the cave, the crystal still held firmly in her gloved hands.
When the world stopped spinning, Amaya looked around herself, realizing the darkness wasn't quite as dark as it had been before. She could see the vague outline of the crystal in her hands and her body cast a dark shadow on the wall. She was clearly near some source of light.
Walking towards what she thought to be the source of the light, Amaya found her surroundings getting brighter and brighter until at last she could see the entrance to the cave, far in the distance. How had she returned to the entrance so quickly? It felt like she'd been walking deeper into the cave for ages but she'd gotten out again within mere minutes.
"What colour is that?" Amaya heard Hennix shout, the shapes of five people blocking the light from the entrance.
Amaya felt a rush of relief at the sight of them and quickly wiped away any remaining tear stains. They didn't need to know what she had seen.
"It looks blue." Tai said.
"No way, there's no way." Voe said, sounding less and less sure the closer Amaya got.
Amaya smiled, laughing as Hennix was finally able to make out the colour of her crystal.
"It's purple!" He cried, his voice being echoed by a chorus of cries of surprise.
"How did you know?" Amaya heard Voe ask Ben, as she emerged from the cave at last.
Ben shrugged, a smile on his face as his eyes met Amaya's. Amaya's face broke out in a smile of relief as she saw him standing in front of her, looking nothing like the apparition she'd seen in the cave. Without thinking, she walked straight towards him, throwing her arms around him. He stiffened at first, surprised by her hug, but quickly wrapped his arms around her too, resting his chin on her shoulder.
Feeling the stares of the others on them, Amaya pulled back, realizing she ought to hug the other padawans so it didn't look like she liked Ben more than them. And it wasn't that she did like Ben more than them, Amaya reminded herself as she went around hugging the others. It was just that they were closer. They understood each other better than the others did and they shared secrets no one else knew about. Plus, she hadn't seen any of the other padawans in the cave. She'd only seen Ben and the apparition she'd seen had disturbed her enough to make her really want some sort of physical assurance that all was still as it was supposed to be.
When she'd finished with the hugs, she turned to Luke, her eyes widening as he held out a handle in which to place the crystal. Amaya took the handle and pulled off her gloves to pry it open. She placed the crystal inside and closed it again, looking up at Luke.
"Go on." Luke said. "Turn it on."
Amaya stepped back, aiming the lightsaber for the sky and ignited it, staring in awe at the purple light that shot out of the handle. It was really hers. The thought blew her away, making the whole moment feel almost surreal.
The trip back to the Temple flew by as the padawans played a game of holochess which Tai won with irritating ease. Amaya felt almost giddy with relief the whole ride back, having gotten out of the cave and returned to her life. And for once, she realized as she looked around at her friends, her life was good. Or at least, it was better than it had been in a long time. There was still, of course, the problem of Snoke...but at least she wasn't starving. She also wasn't in the middle of a war or stuck on a desert island...
And besides, she was learning how to shut out Snoke. She'd insisted they practice every night of the past week and Amaya could now successfully push Ben out of her mind for a grand total of 5 seconds. Admittedly, it wasn't much, but it was improvement. In the meantime, there was nothing to worry about as long as Luke didn't send anyone on any missions. So far, it seemed like another mission to Endor was unlikely seeing as the Knights of Ren had unintentionally solved their problem for them when they'd taken over and then blown up the Ewok factory used by the poachers.
Still, the more rational part of Amaya knew that the peace that now lay over her life was nothing more than a temporary illusion. Snoke would come for them eventually and when he did, Amaya didn't know whether she'd be ready. Even worse, she didn't know what to be ready for. Snoke wanted them to join him...but for what purpose? And what would happen if he decided they were lost causes after all and decided to just off them? He had all the cards, he just wasn't playing them, and this gave Amaya a false sense of security.
You want to go practice? Ben asked her through the Force as they exited the ship and began walking towards the Temple.
Definitely. Amaya thought back. Also, you promised to tell me how you knew my crystal would be purple.
Purple is associated with using both sides of the Force. Ben said, shooting her a knowing look out of the corner of his eye. That's why it's so rare.
You don't think Master Luke is alarmed, do you? Amaya asked with a frown.
If he is, he's hiding it well. Ben replied. I think he trusts you.
Amaya fell silent, privately wondering why Luke trusted her so much. If he knew all the things she was hiding from him, he would be shocked beyond belief.
You have good intentions. Ben said, clearly having heard her internal thoughts. Master Luke can sense that.
Yes but you do too and he still- Amaya trailed off, immediately regretting the thoughts she'd sent his way. Ben's mind darkened and Amaya felt a flash of pain pass through him.
Who said I have good intentions? Ben replied and Amaya turned to look at him, frowning in confusion. He merely raised his eyebrows in response.
You don't want anyone to get hurt. Amaya said. I think that counts as good intentions.
Yes but, as you saw last week, I do let people get hurt when it serves my purposes. Ben replied, the darkness around him thickening.
Amaya sighed and turned to look at him pointedly. Yes, clearly that makes you a terrible person, Ben. Amaya said sarcastically. You might as well run off to Snoke now because there's no hope for you anyway. Is that what you want me to say?
Ben flinched. No. I just-
You're not perfect. Amaya snapped. No one is. Give yourself a break and help me get us out of this situation.
Amaya felt his disbelief that they would ever escape this situation through the Force and put a hand on his arm as they entered the Temple. Amaya felt a rush of warmth run through Ben at the touch and both immediately felt incredibly self-conscious. Amaya quickly removed her hand and severed the Force connection, her cheeks burning.
Amaya quickly led the way up the stairs trying, and failing miserably, to not think about what had just happened.