Author's Note:
Hey Guys.
I know that I haven't written in a while, and for that I'm honestly sorry. I've been going through a lot right now.
Recently, I went through a miscarriage.
It was hard and painful and I was completely alone during it.
My fiance was away on duty, so he couldn't be here. I thought that maybe when he got back he would come visit me or I could go to his base where he was stationed and we could talk about what happened.
Then it got worse when he came back. He stopped speaking to me for an entire two months before I heard from him again. I thought something bad happened or that he was just out in the field for a long period of time. I called, messaged, texted, but he still didn't respond. When I finally heard back from him...it absolutely broke me heart.
On top of all that mess of me losing the baby, I found out he was cheating on me with some woman who was divorced and already has kids... He told me he moved on and I had to find some guy that "would work for me". When I said no one gets engaged in a couple months, he said that "well, she was my friend and was there for me." Let's be real here people, no one gets engaged in a couple of months "to a friend". She was the the entire time. Well, I was crying and begging with him on the phone and he still did not care... I told him that he was throwing away seven years for some other girl who was temporary but he still didn't listen. He froze me out and so did his family., which was odd considering how they always said I was like a daughter/sister to them (I'm being slightly sarcastic, I know it's not odd). I had to also stop our friends, as well as most of my family members from forming an angry mob and going after him. I wish I meant this as an exaggeration, but I quite literally had to physically stop a veteran friend of mine from going to where my ex was and halt him from attacking him.
I was working and going to school, saving up money to move over to that base where he was. I gave up the chance to go to Scotland and England to make this work, and he didn't care. I was 100% faithful the entire time, he didn't care. I was going to put off my own ambitions and dreams, because working things out with him, mean more to me than anything else. He still didn't care.
My grades took a hit and sunk. I couldn't study or focus with all of this going on. I haven't slept since April 4th (when all of the proverbial shit hit the fan), I lost a lot of weight, and I now have PTSD from my miscarriage, resulting in me not even being able to look at babies without getting triggered.
It's just been hard to write or even read...
I don't know what to do or when the story will be back up...
I'm so sorry.