Disgaea Guild Adventure Squad

by Ironwatsas

Meet Sally! Red Mage & cutest lil' pyromaniac in the entire Netherworld! (*self proclaimed) With a spring in her step and a lil' flame in her heart, she and her retinue of infernal companions scamper across the Netherworlds, on a quest for Adventure! EXP! Items! And most importantly, Sweets! Will she fulfill her dream of becoming the Cutest Overlord Ever? Read to find out!

10. Chapter 10: Poison Patrol

Chapter 10 – Poison Patrol

---

BGM: Disgaea 4 ost – Candlelight
watch?v=GTCTL0z8vOQ

Dark Assembly situation room

"This isn't what I meant by 'Board Meeting'." Kimberley deadpanned, while sitting at a large office table inside a dimly lit meeting room. The exact sort of setting where shady backroom political and business deals are usually made… except now with the astringent, piney fragrance of wood sealant since one of the clerks got cheeky and put several stacks of 2x4s all around the room.

Still, the show must go on.

"SILENCE!" The assembly Speaker, a gargoyle named 'Speaker', spoke, in a needlessly hammy over-the-top voice one would only use on the assembly floor. "Now then, Senator Kimberley. Please describe to the committee the person that attacked you and your vassals during the forest excursion."

In addition to Kimberley and the Speaker, a rogues' gallery of Dark Assembly senators and officials sat around the table. An official security committee having been convened in the wake of the incident at Grandma's house, consisting of the assembly's leading experts of 'not being able to come up with a convincing reason to not attend'.

Included among these are Senator Hibana (A Professor noted for an unhealthy affinity for fireworks) from the science committee, Senator Shichiro (A Male Samurai) from the defense party, Senator Porkrind from the Petite Orc party, Senator Spooks from the Ghost party, and Senator Roxanne, from the Undead party.

"Right." Kimberley spoke, putting on her reading/HIT boosting glasses and tapping her stack of papers on the table to line them up. "The attacker appeared to be some manner of cyborg or android, constructed with arcane technology that does not seem familiar to Netherworld science. It was attempting to kidnap a high-value Netherworld asset from my care."

"An asset? You mean that human you've been keeping as a pet?" Senator Shichiro asked. He and the rest of the assembly were rather skeptical of Kimberley keeping Ari around, of course. Only really kept in check by her seniority.

"Oi! Whoy should we stick our necks out fer some dumb 'umie! Let'z do wot Demons' supposed 'ta do an' Krump 'em flat! Loot 'dere souls! Serves 'em right fer' bein so dumb! Oink." Senator Porkrind spoke, in a poor imitation of a non-petite orc. Given how small and squeaky his voice was, this didn't particularly sound intimidating.

"HUMANS ARE AN INCREDIBLY LUCRATIVE AND VALUABLE SOURCE OF BRAINS. DID YOU KNOW THE AVERAGE ADULT HUMAN BRAIN WEIGHS 1300 TO 1400 GRAMS? THAT IS ENOUGH TO FEED AN ENTIRE FAMILY OF FOUR PLUS HOUSEGUESTS." Senator Roxanne, being the resident brain enthusiast, helpfully pointed out.

"Firstly, the Human is rather unusual for its kind. Both in power level and manner of arrival. Secondly, and more importantly, this attacker may represent a new kind of threat. I've done my due diligence and cataloged the wreckage we took from it." Kimberley spoke, as she passed out the photographs she took after the attack.

"Hmm. Looks shiny. What else can you tell us about the attacker?" Senator Spooks inquired.

"The attacker resembled a young human girl wearing a mask, of similar age to Ar- I mean, the asset. Augmented with various machinery and cybernetics and clearly modified for combat purposes. It possessed both advanced weaponry and telekinetic flight." Kimberley spoke.

"Hmm, could it be one of those Androids from Hades? Or one of those Mecha Girls developed for the war between the Science and Magic netherworlds?" Senator Hibana asked, as she rubbed her chin, looking over the photos. The machinery seemed much more visceral and imposing than what most Demons could come up with.

"S' dumb lookin' humie gubbinz' an' know-wots! No match fer' Demon 'Engineerin'! Demon tek'z way more' slick 'n extra killy 'den dat! Oink." Senator Porkrind mused.

"True, but neither of those projects Senator Hibana mentioned made it to mass-production. The technology here looks much more sophisticated and dangerous. This thing was built for a purpose." Senator Shichiro responded.

"Oi' if 'iss robutt gurl 'fing's made o' humie tech, den dere'z a limited 'mount o' dat stuff to go 'round, oink!" Senator Porkrind suggested. Most of the human tech in the Netherworld was salvaged from the aftermath of the EDF invasion of Overlord Laharl's territory and has since been circulating on the black market, much to the delight of professors everywhere.

"THIS IS SURPRISINGLY INTROSPECTIVE COMING FROM YOU. PERHAPS YOU HAVE A HIGHER CONTENT OF BRAINS THAN ORIGINALLY ANTICIPATED." Roxxane spoke, salivating at the thought.

"SILENCE!" Senator Speaker spoke, banging his gavel on the pile of wood next to him.

"Excuse me, must you yell 'Silence' in every line you say?" Kimberley asked, narrowing her gaze at the speaker.

"Yes. I am contractually obligated to do so. So SILENCE!" He replied, flatly.

"HELLO! MAY I MAKE A SUGGESTION?" Roxanne raised her hand excitedly.

Kimberley shrugged and rubbed her temples slightly, anticipating what Roxanne, with her decomposing one-track mind, was going to say. "Does it involve brains again?"

"ONLY TANGENTIALLY." Senator Roxanne replied.

"SILENCE! The senator from the Undead party has the floor." The Speaker, again, spoke.

"AS THE BRAIN-PIG HAS SPOKEN, THERE IS NOT A LOT OF HUMAN TECHNOLOGY ON THE NETHERWORLD MARKET. IF WE TRACK THE PURCHASING RECORDS OF VENDORS, WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO FIND WHO BUILT THE THING AND THEN EXTRACT THEIR BRAINS TO DISCOVER THEIR MOTIVATIONS!" Roxanne suggested.

Kimberley then… abruptly stopped rubbing her temples, rather shocked by the unexpected competence of the undead maid. "That's… actually a very good idea."

"SILENCE! I concur! Representative of the Ghost Party, please put the most recent transactions of human-related technology for the last fiscal year on screen."

"Very well." Senator Spooks responded, before morphing his ghost-body-shape into the form of a large flatscreen TV, which turned on and displayed an Excel-cution spreadsheet with various purchases of goods produced from human sources.

"Hmmm… this is interesting. There have only been a few dozen purchases, and most of the ones early in the year went to some fallen angel who wanted to build a giant robot. But if you look at the last six months, the entire supply has gone to a single buyer. Cybernetics and weapons, too." Senator Shichiro pointed out.

"SILENCE! Who do we have on-file as the buyer?" The stone Speaker spat his words at senator spooks.

The High-definition spook screen changed its display to produce a detailed purchasing ledger. "According to our records, the purchases were made to an account linked to a shell company owned by a Ranger demon named…"

"Lunaris." Kimberley growled, her stoic demeanor turning into a scowl. Her blood boiling as she saw the name. That he would show himself again…

"Indeed. A cursory investigation of his previous transactions doesn't hint at any of his purchases prior to six months ago having anything to do with human technology." The Spooky-TV replied, before transforming back into its usual ghost form.

"Purchasing that amount of human technology is not like him. Lunaris is a Demon who only uses Magic, ordinarily. I have a feeling we have our culprit." Kimberley composed herself, and spoke, matter-of-factly. "I would like to request the Assembly pass legislation banning his further purchases of human-world goods as well as his continued privilege to exist."

"SILENCE!" The Speaker blurted out again. "Senator Kimberley… this committee has become aware you have had prior affairs with Mr. Lunaris, yes?"

"Yea! Spill 'da beanz, Curly! Tell uz 'da juicy gossip' an' storiez', ya git! Oink." Senator Porkrind demanded.

"I AM SENSING A POSSIBLE CONFLICT OF INTEREST AND SALACIOUS BACKSTORY!" Senator Roxanne added.

Kimberley struggled to maintain her composure against these accusations. A professional such as her would never lash out at her co-workers or speak out-of-turn. Still, when the Archer spoke, it was not without a certain uncharacteristic harshness in her voice. "Yes. I do acknowledge that I have had prior official business with Mr. Lunaris before. However, it is not relevant to the current situation-"

"SILENCE! Yes it is!" The Speaker responded, accusingly.

"Mr. Lunaris is currently the acting business representative for the Magitopia Academy netherworld under its new Overlord, Elanor. It would be unprofitable for the Assembly to take action against him based on these rather shaky assumptions that he has anything to do with it." Senator Shichiro steepled his fingers and nodded slightly.

"Yeh! We don' krump' no gitz' wot' are makin' us money, oink!" Senator Porkrind added.

"Further deliberation will be needed for us to determine any sort of link between Lunaris and the person who attacked you. Therefore, unless there are any other concerns or good reasons put forward by the other members of the committee, we will not propose taking any action." Senator Hibana was equally dismissive of the issue.

Kimberley gritted her teeth and looked to the last remaining member of the committee. "Surely you understand the need for further assembly support on this investigation, right? Ms. Roxanne."

"BRAINS." Roxanne responded, bluntly and matter-of-factly. End of discussion.

"SILENCE! The Committee has spoken! Senator Kimberley, without a proven threat to the security of the Netherworld from Lunaris or this cyborg, we find no reason to continue this investigation. You are hereby forbidden from taking any action against him. THIS MATTER IS ADJOURNED." The Senator spoke, banging his gavel on the table, before hastily hopping on his chess-piece-body out the door. All of the other demons quickly followed suit.

Kimberley fumed. A rather uncharacteristic thing for her to do. But the topic of Lunaris, that was one of her buttons. The assembly, naturally, is rather lazy and only looks out for its self-interest. By forbidding her action, they only serve to line their own pockets. Of course, Kimberley can't blame them, given how she earned her own fortunes.

But, in their haste to adjourn and presumably go home early, the committee has left a loophole open large enough to fly a plane through. They've forbidden Kimberley from acting, yes. But they didn't say anything about the members of a certain Adventure Squad acting…

---

BGM: Soul Nomad OST – Rock'n Rocks
watch?v=mD9Vho0SVCU

Back at Kimberley's house

"Red Magnus – Overlord of Scorching Flame"

A very-bold looking, 8 foot tall red demon man with a comical amount of muscles did a flexing pose. "Bow down before the Supreme One!"

"Magnus the Red – Daemon Primarch of the Thousand Sons"

A very-confused looking, 8 foot tall red demon man with bird wings and a golden horned helmet and chestpiece stood there, speaking in a manner which is clearly trying to cover up a thick Australian accent. "Who in Tzeentch's bearded larynx are you?"

"Now, two titans will go head to head. Brain versus Brawn. Grim Darkness versus Muscle Glory. Prepare yourselves, for the Pay-Per-View Ultimate Apocalypse showdown of the season."

"I'm gonna lay the Super Smackdown on ya, birdy! Just you wait. Then we'll see who's the real Magnus!" Red Magnus flexed, before causing his right arm to grow to three times its normal size, then pounding the ground before him.

The other Magnus just continued to stare, deadpan, confused. "…did that fhacking Aeldari clown god put you up to this? Or is this another of my dad's hair brained 'plans'."

"MAGNUS VERSUS MAGNUS. The Smackdown in Flametown. The Rumble in the Warp. This Sunday at Nine. Order noooooooow" *channel change*

---

BGM: Disgaea 3 OST – Baby PIG
watch?v=LamFOvXfsxo

"I want to watch that." Ari spoke, as the excited TV announcer who sounded like he had a terminal case of testosterone poisoning was silenced.

Ari was currently sitting on the sofa in Kimberley's living room. A comfortable sectional with white lace covers over the armrests and surrounded by tea set display cases, with a big Hell-Definition TV in front of him. Pinned to his coat, he wore the small gold badge with the lightning bolt through it he had claimed from the cyborg girl who had previously attacked him, now a treasured and jealously guarded keepsake.

Standing next to him were Alessa and Violet. After the incident at Grandma's house, Kimberley had assigned the duo to protect him while she investigated. Violet, being an Armor Knight, was happy to oblige, and Alessa had no problem joining her. Instead of her actual armor, however, Violet was currently wearing a sweatshirt and gym shorts.

"Ahh, you can watch violent TV after our aerobics session." Alessa, who had a towel around her neck, put her exercise video tape in the machine. Betamax won the format wars in the Netherworld, you see…

"That sounds boring." Ari frowned, the concept of 'exercise' being an anathema to his sensibilities.

"You should join us though. Even though Kimberley assigned us to protect you, a little strength training would never hurt to ensure your foes are completely crushed." Violet punched her right hand into her left palm.

"Do I have to?" Ari asked, with a frown.

"Yes." Violet responded.

"Fiiiiine…" Ari grumbled, as he floated out of his seat and hovered right between, and slightly behind, the Armor Knight and Lady Fighter.

"Awesome! You'll feel twenty times more powerful after this. All your negative energies will be purged by the sweat, the screaming of your muscles to work HARDER will be your motivating speech! The power of fitness and high-impact training will morph you into an absolute GOD of muscle one day." Alessa made a punchy sort of motion in the air out of excitement.

Ari just stared blankly. The prospect of two sweaty young women doing awkward stretches and dancing doing absolutely nothing to enthuse him (though Kimberley's Prinny servants were rather keen on poking their beaks in to watch).

"From the top, people!" Alessa commanded, before pressing 'play' on the video. Immediately some incredibly upbeat fitness mercenaries appeared on screen, doing a peppy dance routine and exercise.

BGM: Team Fortress 2 OST – Mannrobics
watch?v=ECniCUjYiCU

Violet and Alessa set right about dancing along with them, doing a bit of a freestyle routine, and working all those muscles to sloooowly tick up their strength stats.

The second they started, Ari just floated right back into his seat and stared blankly, before looking around for where he left that SlayStation handheld.

Shortly thereafter, Kimberley returned, opening the front door and announcing herself. "Alessa, Violet, I'm back from the Assembly. Has everything gone alright during your watch?" She nodded, as she strode in and then frowned very slightly at the exercise display.

Violet made an enthusiastic punchy gesture, seamlessly as part of her exercise routine, as she turned to face Kimberley. "Lady Kimberley! Everything's swell on this end. We were doing some training and ready to spring into action if anyone dared attack."

"Miss Kimberley! Come join us for some calisthenics! It'll strengthen your hair curls!" Alessa waved, trying to entice the Archer over.

"Ahh, that's…. fine. I'm afraid I cannot join you right now. I'm far from dressed for such. Besides, I still have some duties to attend to. Have any of you seen the Anti-Messiah?" She asked.

"The healer? I'm afraid I haven't seen hide or hair of him today." Violet acknowledged, before doing a mock kick in sync with Alessa.

"I don't think I've been introduced to him at all. Though based on how you described him earlier… that's probably for the best." She looked aside, with a shifty-eyed gaze.

Ari then casually reached down in-between the sofa-cushions to pull out a Clergy head. "Here he is."

"Aww Darn-it! You blew my cover, kid!" The Healer frowned, as he leapt from between the sofa cushions in a burst of lost change, crumbs, and dust bunnies. "What'cha need me for anyway?"

"It's confidential Dark Assembly business. Unfortunately, we'll have to discuss it in private." She nodded.

"Oh? Do you need us to leave?" Alessa asked. "We were going to go out for lunch and do some shopping after this anyway."

"Your watch is complete. I can handle Ari from here on out. You may go if you would like to." Kimberley nodded.

"Very well! It has been a pleasure to serve you, Miss Kimberley. I'm feeling the burn as it is, let's go get lunch, Alessa!" Violet acknowledged, doing some final stretches as she went to collect her armor.

"Ahh, we should head back to your place and hit the showers first. No way I'm going out like this." The warrior lady added, turning off the exercise tape and following the knight out of the room. Immediately, Ari changed the channel and put on some cartoons.

BGM: Disgaea 4 Arrange – Puppet Smile
watch?v=JypTy_qPEds

"Now then, Mr. Healer. If you would?" Kimberley spoke, leading the Clergy upstairs, to her home office. The Healer quietly followed, unsure of what to expect. Kimberley closed the doors behind them, then turned to look out the window, hands clasped behind her back, in an 'evil mastermind' sort of posture.

"Was'iss all about assembly stuff anyway? They're always getting' up in my bidnezz' tryin' to slap a tax on my flesh abominations or my suppliers, y'know." The Clergy frowned as he entered the room, always leery of the assembly and all their stuffy rules.

"Mmmh, well. It's something that falls squarely in your area of expertise. You are a doctor right?" She asked, stepping over to her desk ominously, before sitting behind it, looking over her steepled fingers.

Something about that gaze was existentially worrying to the Clergy. "Yep! King of Convalescence! High-Priest of Healing! …why are you looking at me like that?"

"Oh! No reason. I'm just curious, since you know how to heal someone, surely you know how to do the opposite, yes?" She asked, maintaining that stoic-faced grin.

The Anti-Messiah puffed up his chest and beamed, picking up on the subtext. "I've performed a few mercy killings, yes! Who'dya need killed to death this time? Red? Cuz I figure she'd be an easy enough target. Just dump some turbo-cyanide in her frosty-puffs in the morning. It'll work like a charm."

Kimberley shook her head. "While I'm certainly impressed you've already had a full plan to assassinate your own teammates, it's not Sally this time. It is another demon. One who I need removed discreetly…" She spoke, again turning away from the healing boy. Instead, she goes over to her bookshelf to retrieve a manilla envelope, containing a dossier on her prey.

"The Demon I require dead is called Lunaris. He's a Ranger class, though I believe that's just his latest reincarnation." The Archer spoke, gesturing to the photos.

The Healer took the photos and rubbed his chin as he observed them. Y'know… despite holding the picture upside-down. "Kay, cool, cool. Why d'ya want him dead though? Is he some kinna' jilted ex boyfr-"

"I do happen to know what you did with the Mage's jellybean stash, and that information can very easily fall into her hands-" The Archer threatened, interrupting his unwise line of questioning. The Clergy got the message really quick.

"Okay! 'Need to know' basis. Got it!" He put on his trademark dorky grin to cover up the brief moment of existential dread.

"If you must know… I have reason to believe him to be responsible for that android that attacked us the other night. The Dark Assembly, however, doesn't see it my way, and considers him to be a financial asset." She nodded. "Unfortunately, I cannot act directly, but were he to suffer a happy accident…"

"Well you've come to the right place! We here at Anti-Messiah's bioweapons & expired steak sauce emporium are always keen to help right politically sensitive wrongs! And, y'know… screw that jerk for sending that dumb robot to keep me up half the night. But, uhh… I gotta ask, just for due dilligence's sake, what if he ain't our guy and we're just poisoning some random schmuck on the Assembly's payroll?" The Anti-Messiah asked.

"Then absolutely nothing of value will be lost." Kimberley's usually stoic expression morphed into a venomous grin.

"Riiiiight!" The healer wrung his own hands mischievously. "So, uhh… anyway. Sounds like this rich Demon dude is worth money to the Assembly, so that begs the question. What's in it for me if I do 'dis?"

"I'm willing to offer you… mmmh… how does 32.2 billion HL sound?" She asked. Conveniently enough, that's exactly the amount of the pending deduction she's going to make on the Anti-Messiah's account to pay for some home furnishings fraud she suspects he had a hand in committing.

"Wow! 'At's a lotta money! You must really hate this dude. I'M IN!" He cheered, excited by the prospect of just loads of emone.

"Good, good. Though I'll need your top-quality product. Lunaris is no ordinary Ranger. He's an Archdemon. His power level is on par with that of an Overlord, and I have to assume he has poison resistances to boot." Kimberley added.

"Archdemon, huh? Yeah that's gonna take a spicy brew to bring down, but I've got, like, a TON of reagents at home I can mix up. He'll be dead before dessert!" The healer continued.

"Excellent, excellent. I look forward to hearing the results on the Netherworld news in a few days. Oh and remember, you don't work for me, I've never met you, and this conversation never happened." The Archer winked.

"Conversation? What conversation?" The Clergy did… something presumably approximating a 'wink'. Was hard to tell. "Anti-Messiah, Away!"

And with that, the Healer raised his right arm up over his head, and a plume of rocket exhaust shot out from under his skirt, launching him through Kimberley's ceiling and into the air. He flew across town like a missile, before heading directly toward the city graveyard, careening out of the sky and shooting right down the chimney like some kind of demon Santa Claus cosplaying as an amaryllis flower.

BGM: DOOM Eternal – Demonic Chanting
watch?v=E3bfeK7_zoE

When the Clergy fell out of the fireplace in a puff of soot, he was greeted by the sight of the Skull, hovering above the kitchen table, in a cross-legged lotus pose, apparently in some kind of trance. His eyes were pitch black, fiery orange runes were encircling him, and a demonic chant in the blackest of speech was emanating from everywhere and nowhere.

"Heya Skully. Clear offa' the table wouldja, I gotta do a Science." He spoke, barely paying attention to the ritual as he went into the kitchen to rifle through the cupboards to get the poison ingredients he needed. Short as he was, this required going to get the steppy-stool to get high enough to open the upper shelf cabinets, to reveal…

…barren, empty shelves. A lone moth fluttering out to punctuate this fact.

"W-w-what the HL?!" The Healer squeaked, before moving to the next cabinet, and the one after that! "Th…these were fully stocked! What happened? SKULLY! Did you use up all my potions!?"

The Skull did not respond, continuing to hover in mid air and lip-sync to the chanting.

"Snap outta' it, kid! This is important!" The healer huffed, before delivering an open palmed smack straight to the Skull's backside.

BGM: Disgaea D2 OST – You Go Girl!
watch?v=gkmCeC1o5lg

The wizard boy made a surprised and mildly suggestive sound as he snapped out of his séance, eyes returning to normal. He quickly covered his rear with his hands. "ACK! HEY! Hey… what was that for! You've ruined my concentration! Do you know how-long I've been working on convening with the old ones!?"

"Yeah well while you were off in trance land magi-cybering with Yog-Sothoth, someone broke in and stole our potion supply!" The healer pouted, pointing to the suspiciously vacant cabinets.

"Wha…wha… what the HL!? It's all gone?!" The Skull appeared shocked and dismayed. That stockpile included a bunch of ingredients he bought to make a potion to counter Elanor. "Who could have done this? Ralph!? Did you see anything?"

"Course I did, you lil' ding-a-ling!" Ralph responded in his raspy old man voice, as he rolled up to the duo. His head having been grafted onto a remote control toy dumptruck. "While girly-boy over there was away an' you were off daydreamin', lil' Scrappy an' her friends came over an' wanted to borrow some. I couldn't say no so to that."

"…the f[*level up sfx*]k is Scrappy? Wait… you mean Red?!" The Anti-Messiah whined.

"Yep! Her an' her lil' adventure troop. Adorable bunch a' devils." Ralph continued.

"Ahh Jeez, some help you are…" The Clergy hung his head low, slack jawed, as he did something approximating a glare.

The Skull just rubbed the back of his head, looking aside bashfully. "Eeehh… yeah. Sorry. Figured Ralph knew better…"

"Nnnnh… I need my ingredients! Got a high-priority poisoning procedure to perform. We're NEVER gonna get 'em back from red though. Dummy's probably already drank 'em all." The healer shrugged.

"Would serve her right, that's for sure." The Skull grumbled.

"Alright, grab your coat, Skully. We're gonna have to go downtown and pay Eddie a visit. He always has a good stockpile. C'mon!" The Clergy groaned, as he grabbed the Skull by the neck of his shirt and dragged him out the door.

"Ack… okay okay fine. Let's get this over with so I can get back to my ritual." The Skull pointed out. All while quietly wondering what Sally was going to do with all those ingredients, and just where she was now?

---

Hell's Half Acre Suburbs

BGM: Disgaea 5 ost – Poppin' Pink
watch?v=BsIkMwqvYTM

Knocknocknocknock.

"Selling Mage-scout cookies! Only 6.66 HL per box!"

Knocknocknocknock.

"They're suuuuuuper minty and yummy!"

Knocknocknocknock.

"If you don't answer the door now, I might eat 'em all up myself!"

"Might wanna think twice about that, nyao." Momoko commented to Sally as she knocked on the door of a big scary looking nightmare fortress in the upscale neighborhoods on the north side of Hell's Half Acre. In addition to her usual attire, she wore a green sash and mobcap over her robes. The former was festooned with colorful little badges, for such achievements as 'Ribbon Tag Champ', 'Dorm-Room Survivor', and 'Prinny-Toss Champ'.

Robin, Momoko, Yasumi, and Operation Catsaber all stood (or fluttered) nearby, along with a little red wagon full of cookie boxes, all wearing similar embellishments. Apparently, Sally decided to go on an Adventure squad fundraising cookie-sales tour.

"Uhmm… maybe nobody's home? I don't think we can sell cookies to someone when nobody's home!" Robin chirped, as she adjusted the green-colored rubber band which she wore as a sash.

"Why not try the doorbell, nyao?" Momoko asked, idly swaying on her heels as she stood back and watched Sally do all the work.

"I can't reach iiiiiit!" The Mage whined, as she stood on her tippy-toes to reach the seven-foot-high doorbell button, set into a skull-shaped vanity plate, next to the garage-sized front door of the ominous-looking residence they stood before. Eventually Sally's INT stat kicked in and she used the end of her staff to whack the button, resulting in what sounded less like a doorbell and more like an ominous church bell ringing a funerary dirge.

For a moment, there was an eerie silence, before a rumbling began from within the house. A rhythmic 'stomp, Stomp, Stomp' as something approached.

Then, the colossal door flew open with an eerie creak, revealing a gigantic skeletal dragon abomination that stomped forth onto the porch.

"WHO DARES SET FOOT UNTO MY DOMINION, TO PERTURB AND INTERRUPT MY AFTERNOON RITUALS OF SOLVING ENIGMATIC CROSSWORD PUZZLES?" Big T bellowed.

"Selling Mage-scout cookies! Only 6.66 HL a boooox!" The Mage, ever the cheerful and perhaps suicidally overconfident girl, held a cookie box above her head toward the monster.

Fortunately, the expression of the Skeleton Dragon seemed to brighten right up upon realizing who it was… inasmuch as a skeleton can physically change its expression. "OOOOH SALLY! FORGIVE MY RUDENESS. I HAD THOUGHT YOU WERE ANOTHER SALESMAN TRYING TO SELL ME FIBER-OPTIC INTERNET AGAIN. I AM HAPPY WITH MY CURRENT CABLE SUBSCRIPTION. OF COURSE I WILL BUY SOME OF YOUR COOKIES TO HELP SUPPORT YOUR SCOUT TROOP."

"AWW YEAAAHHHH!" Sally cheered as she handed the box, which was smaller than even a single one of the Landlord's teeth and received a few hellmark notes for her trouble. "You should eat them right away! They're, like, totally freakin' awesome."

"OF COURSE, LITTLE SALLY. LET ME JUST…" The Landlord then consumed the entire box, packaging and all, in an instant. Seeming to be as delighted as a fossilized dragon skeleton could be.

He's right to delight! After all! In true Netherworld fashion, Mage-Scout cookies are made with only the finest unfair-trade cocoa beans, mint-extract, baked with love on soulless mechanical assembly lines, and one in every four is poisoned. And each box contains 24 of the things!

"THANK YOU FOR THE COOKIES. THAT WAS MOST DELICIOUS. I HOPE YOUR SALES GO WELL, YOU HAVE MY SUPPORT." The Dragon squeaked.

Sally just continued to stand there, swaying oh-so-preciously left and right, with the cutest and most heartwarming of smiles on her face, waiting for the poison to kick in.

"IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE YOU NEEDED?" The Landlord asked, curious as to Sally's still being here.

"Oh, uhmm! I was wondering if you were gonna drop dead soon?" She squeaked.

"OH HO HO HO! I DID THAT OVER 65 MILLION YEARS AGO. IT'D BE FOOLISH TO DO IT AGAIN. SORRY TO DISAPPOINT. NOW THEN, I MUST RETURN TO MY DUTIES. FAREWELL, YOUNG SALLY." The Dragon spoke, before marching with an earthquake-like stomp back into his home, the door closing behind him with an ominous scream of the souls of the damned.

Sally frowned. "Aww draaaaat! The poison didn't work! I thought you used the strongest stuff that dumb healer had?"

"Landlord already dead." Yasumi helpfully pointed out. The poison was her idea, after all. "Is skeleton. Poison need meat to work. Cannot poison bones."

"Hey, uhmm? Why are we poisoning people again? Shouldn't we, like, give people cookies to make them smile?" Robin asked, being ever the lighthearted voice of reason surrounded by crazy people.

"Cuz." Momoko raised her index finger inside her cat-paw-glove inquisitively. "This isn't just a fundraiser, nyao. We're on a quest, remember? We gotta find out where the Puppy Paw Stick is, so we can go steal it. And, y'know. Any other valuables they might have, nyao."

"Mreww~" The Catsaber mewled preciously.
Translation: I ONLY APPROVE OF THIS ITEM IF IT IS CUT FROM THE LIMBS OF ACTUAL PUPPIES!

"You're right! We can't give up when we've just started! C'mon, let's go try the next house." Sally assumed the Catsaber's squeaks were positive encouragement, and scuttled back to take the handle of her wagon and lead the guild down the sidewalk to the next home.

Next door to the Landlord's fortress was a much more normal-sized, much more cozy looking cottage. A bit more upscale than Sally's tumbledown shack, but not particularly ostentatious or overbearing, with a sign out front reading 'apothecary's residence'.

Sally walked up to the door and knocked the caduceus shaped door knocker a few times. From within the house, a familiar voice was heard. "Yes, yes, coming!" After a few moments, the door opened, to reveal a certain Lady Healer.

"Hoi hoi, miss Lori!" Sally asked, waving excitedly at the cleric.

"Ahh! Sally! Marvelous to see you! Are you doing well? Do you have a medical emergency perhaps?" The actually competent healer smiled at the Mage and her guild.

"Nope, we're selling Cookies! Delicious mint-cocoa-crisp-strychnine cookies! Only 6.66 HL per box!" The Mage cheered, as Robin fluttered over, hefting a cookie box as big as she was.

"Try 'em! You'll like 'em!" Robin chirped enthusiastically.

"Oh my oh my. How lovely! I remember back in my younger days when I was part of the Cleric-Scouts. Of course I'll buy some cookies from you! Two boxes even." She spoke. Ritzy! The cleric pulled out her change-purse to get the requisite money.

"You should eat one right now and tell us how good it is!" Sally suggested, with an ominous twinkle in her eye.

"Ahh, I suppose I should~" Lori spoke, as she delicately opened the packaging.

It was at this point that Momoko, who was standing some distance away guarding the cookie cart, noticed who was answering the door. The consequences of poisoning the one competent healer in town are not at all lost on her.

"Actually, uhh! Might wanna hold up on chowin' down on those cookies! They're pois- *MMMPH*" Yasumi's gloved hand then darted over to cover Momoko's maw.

"No no. Eat cookie. It goooooood." The Shaman spoke, baring her fangs in a menacing grin as she watched Lori bring the cookie to her mouth, and take a bite.

"Ahh! This cookie is most delicious. Crisp and absolutely delicate in its flavor, and… Is that poison I taste?" She commented, before looking up over her head (without opening her eyes even) to spot a status effect icon with a bunch of purple bubbles floating there.

"Yep!" Sally spoke matter-of-factly.

"Oh dear. Well, that's not a problem!" Lori responded, before raising her right hand over her head and casting Espoir on herself, nullifying the poison entirely.

Sally looked a bit downtrodden that her poison didn't work. "Awww…"

"There there, it's okay, Sally. Your cookies are still delicious." She spoke, carefully patting Sally on the head, avoiding her cute ribbon. The Mage leaned into the pats like a pet and began to purr.

"Myaow~" The catsaber spoke.
Translation: RED MISCREANT! CEASE THIS INSOLENCE AT ONCE! YOU ARE UNWORTHY OF BEING GRANTED HEADPATS!

Momoko managed to free herself from Yasumi's grasp and took a few steps away. "Figurin' since it was you, you'd give us some kinda speech about not poisoning people, nyao."

"Oh, that would be counterproductive for business, you know! It's antics like this that keep the Netherworld Hospital open! Please, continue your sales. You're indirectly helping me out." The Cleric cheered. So much for being the scrupulous healer in town…

"Okay! Thank you, Miss Lori! We'll do our best and poison the whole world!" Sally saluted, before marching back down the sidewalk to her wagon.

"Have plenty more poison left, too! Now, no time to waste. Next house, next house!" Yasumi cheered, as the cavalcade of crazy demons marched to the next home down the road.

The next house was very much one of contradictions. It had a stereotypical 'haunted manor' look to it, run-down, creepy, gothic looking… but at the same time, it was immaculately kept. The lawns freshly mown. The spiky iron fence polished and painted with bright enamel. Not a loose piece of trim or creaky shutter in sight. Whoever lived here had excellent housekeeping.

"This some kinda Vampire house, nyao? We might have to come back after dark if it is." Momoko cocked an eyebrow at the sight.

"Dunno! Let's find out!" Sally chirped, striding toward the wide veranda of the home, coming to the door, and giving the bell a ring-a-ding!

The door opened, and the dichotomy of creepy and clean became clear. The occupant was a Maid! A Zombie maid.

"HELLO LITTLE GIRL! ARE YOU A DOOR-TO-DOOR BRAIN SALESWOMAN?" Roxanne asked, in her usual raspy, manic voice, having recently come home from Assembly business.

"Nope. We're not selling brains, we're selling cookies! They're super yummy!" The Mage presented a box to the maid.

"SECOND QUESTION. DO YOU OFFER COOKIES IN BRAIN-FLAVOR?" Roxanne asked, smiling excitedly at the prospect.

"Oh… uhmm… no? They're chocolate-mint flavor!" Sally responded.

"I WILL HAVE TO RESPECTFULLY DECLINE THEN. I AM ON A STRICTLY ALL-BRAIN DIET SO I CAN KEEP FITTING INTO THIS MAID OUTFIT. THANK YOU FOR THE OFFER THOUGH!" Roxanne replied, before closing the door.

"But… but… but!" It was no use. The door slammed shut, leaving poor Sally dejected as she shambled back to the rest of the group.

"There there, Sally. I don't think Poison is even gonna work if they're already dead anyway, nyao." Momoko patted the Mage on the shoulder as the witch returned to the wagon.

"Awwww… this whole plan is duuuumb. We're not gonna be able to rob ANYONE at this rate!" Sally whined, on the verge of giving up.

"D…don't be so negative!" Robin chirped, quickly fluttering over and doing a little dance in mid-air, using a couple of dandelions as pom-poms. "You gotta do your best and believe in yourself! Then, when everyone sees how confident you are, they'll, uhmm… just line up to be poisoned!"

"Ech… sickeningly optimistic fairy!" Yasumi retched at Robin's speech.

"Yeah but she's right! Can't give up now. We got one more house on this block to go…" Momoko gestured to the last house. It was fancy. Perhaps not as fancy as Kimberley's, but whoever owned it was certainly an upscale demon with an eye for style.

"You know what, you're right! Let's do our best and sell, like, ALL THESE COOKIES! Disgaea guild adventure squad, let's goooo!" The Mage squealed, having a second wind of enthusiasm as she dragged the wagon up the sidewalk to the final house, held a box of cookies, and marched over to ring the doorbell.

There was a momentary silence. Then some rustling and what sounded like grumbling. Before a set of footsteps approached the door and it opened, to reveal a certain suspiciously small-chested Magic Knight.

"Yes yes, what is it? I am rather busy at this hour and have little time for Door-to-Door salesdemons and-"

"SELLING MAGE SCOUT COOKIEEEEEES! Only 6.66HL per box! Try them! They're super yummy and you'll like… them…"

An awkward silence filled the air as the tall Knight and short Mage glared at each other, the former scowling and the latter's cheeks slowly inflating into an intense pout.

BGM: Disgaea D2 ost – Devil Rock Hero
watch?v=eJt57lAayk8

"Oh… it's you." Esmerelda spoke, having not forgotten the previous conflicts with the guild. "Hmmfp! Come to gloat? If it weren't for Miss Kimberley's insistence, I'd have already defeated you. Please leave my domain and never return."

"Nuh uh! I'm not going anywhere until you BUY ALL MY COOKIES!" The mage huffed, in an angry (and adorable) manner, waving her cookie boxes at her.

"Hmmfp! Why should I? They're probably full of poison or something anyway…" She crossed her arms over her rather unfortunate chest and raised her nose, eyes closed, in a snobby sort of manner.

"Yo, Red. Let me handle this one, nyao." Momoko schmoozed her way in, between the pouty Mage and dismissive Knight. "So, Ezzy. Can I call ya Ezzy?"

"No. Absolutely not." The knight retorted.

"Tough. Anyway, this whole rivalry with Sally here seems like a bunch of hot air at this point." Momoko continued.

"Mhm, cuz I won, like, twice!" The Mage huffed.

"…so yeah. Let's just let bygones be bygones, nyao. Take these cookies as an offering of our sincerity, nyao." The Thief spoke, trying to sound sincere.

"Hmmfp, why should I accept anything from you? Cat-tongued thief." Esmerelda, wisely, didn't believe it.

"Cuz." Momoko leaned left to see around Esmerelda's midsection, to the messy blanket and empty tub of icecream on her sofa, in a dimly lit room in front of a TV showing nothing but sad soap operas. "…it's obvious you're crushingly depressed after what we put ya' through and have been chowin' down on sweets lately to cope. Been there, done that, nyao. So tell ya what… how's about you buy all our cookies, and we see about reversin' that lil' curse ol' Yasumi put on you."

"Oaaaa! No no NO! Veto this decision! Bad in eyes of Dolvalky!" Yasumi huffed, stomping her feet and waving her staff over her head.

"Just work with me here, Yasu. This'll all end well for everyone once it's done." Momoko grinned her Cheshire cat grin, which hinted to Yasumi that there was some ulterior motive going on here. The Shaman continued to growl but crossed her arms and remained quiet to see just what Momoko had up her sleeve.

"And what makes you think I will believe that! Do you know how much money I've spent trying to get this curse lifted? There's no way you can restore my youthful, beautiful body to its former glory… is there?" Esmerelda tried to remain obstinate, but that one ray of hope Momoko put forth piqued her interest.

Momoko's smile only widened. "Sure is, nyao. Y'see. Since our last little tussle, a new healer's moved into town. A consummate professional and 'Expert on Boobies'." At least that's what the Anti-Messiah has scribbled on his business card.

"Hey yeaaahh… he does talk about that a lot." Robbin chimed in, pondering the Anti-Messiah's credentials.

"So yeah. We can hook you up. Maybe even get you a discount. 'Friend of the Adventure Squad', y'know." She winked in the direction of Sally, who was about to protest… but realized from personal experience that bringing up anything related to breasts around the Anti-Messiah was a torture far, far deeper than anything she could ever inflict.

"…uhmm… yeah! What Momoko said. If you take our cookies we'll give you a healer who will give you, like, more boobs than you ever thought you needed!" The Mage nodded.

The Knight looked left, then right, then left again. "…well… I… suppose I will deign to this agreement. But let it be known. If you fail to come through on your part of the bargain, the truce is off! And once again, we will be at war. And this time I will show no mercy!"

"'Kay! Here, eat this!" Sally gave Esmerelda a cookie.

The knight ate it.

"This is… actually quite good. Give me another one." She spoke, consuming the cookie. Poor knight has quite the sweet tooth it seems.

"'Kay!" Sally chirped and handed her the whole box.

The Knight continued munching on the cookies. "Now, I do have to ask. Do you have a low-fat version of these cookies? Because once my breasts are restored, I will still need to fit into all of my good Tabards and- *HURK*"

The knight stopped mid-sentence, her head turning an odd blue color, clutching her abdomen, then her heart, before lurching awkwardly, then flopping flat on her back onto the floor as the poison took effect. The poor woman now foaming at the mouth, eyes looking off in two different directions, twitching unnaturally. K.O.

"Ehehehehe! Nighty night!" Sally squeaked, as she scampered on in to loot the place, followed closely by Momoko and company.

"'Lil' sweet talk works wonders, nyao. Anyhow, case the joint. Look for anything that might hide a safe or something. Corners of closets or under the mattress is usually where they hide the best loot." The thief spoke, as she put on her stealing hand gloves, got out her loot sack, and set to work.

"I will check basement. And closets. May find Skeleton inside." Yasumi added. Lotta marrow in those.

"Moraaaawwww…" The Slumber cat added.
Translation: WITNESS THE DOOM OF YOUR UPHOLSTERY, CRONE. MY UNHOLY MARK WILL BE CARVED INTO EVERY FURNISHING OF THIS DISMAL ABODE.

"Uhmm… I guess I'll keep the knight lady company?" Robin suggested, feeling more than a bit worried given Esmerelda is no longer moving.

"Good idea! Watch the door and let us know if the cops show up." Sally agreed.

"Yes sir!" Robin saluted while the guild dispersed through the house to start looting.

"And make sure to keep looking for that puppy paw stick!" Momoko added, before making her way upstairs to the master bedroom, with Sally close behind. Always a good place to start searching. First things first, she started rifling through the Magic knight's closet. "Lessee here, Magic Sword, Magic Armor, Magic Gems… AH! Nightgown! That'll sell well, nyao."

"Nothing in here!" Sally added, as she searched the Knight's underpants drawer, emerging with a pair of frilly bloomers atop her head.

"Better check in there again, I think you left your dignity behind, nyao." Momoko chuckled at the sight.

The snark went right over the Mage's head, and she delved back into the unmentionables drawer, only to produce… thin strap of yellow cloth that looks like it would just about cover a lady's chest and groin, but would show off a lot more skin than a Magic Knight normally would. She also noted a lot of the underwear have a hole cut in the back that looked like it was for a tail. "Hmmmh…"

Momoko meanwhile, was exploring the master bathroom. Probably not much worth swiping in here, though the fact that, in addition to the usual porcelain accouterments, there was also a rather large litter-box. "Hang on a second, did you see any pets when we came in here?"

"No, why?" Sally responded, as she discovered a drawer full of nothing but yarn balls.

"Cuz… I'm startin' to think maybe this Knight lady might have a roommate…"

BGM: Disgaea D2 ost – Bad Guy
watch?v=Kgwc-vtxLM4

Back downstairs, Operation Catsaber waddled through the house on its tiny legs, eager to sink its claws into every piece of furniture and drapery present. As it stood before the main south-facing window, and extended its claws, it stopped, taking note of something.

Dander. Quite a bit of it.

Curiously, the cat followed the trail, along the wall. The unmistakable scent of feline in this house. And then, she spotted a large scratching post in the corner of the room. Much larger than a regular cat would need.

"M'yeow." It spoke, ominously.
Translation: A RIVAL APPROACHES…

Yasumi was in the kitchen rooting through the Magic Knight's fridge. In addition to the usual food items one would expect, she kept finding tins of cat food and tuna fish. Neither of which was particularly appealing. She preferred her meat fresh, not canned. Nevertheless, it did raise an eyebrow.

Robin meanwhile was too good natured to sink to petty vandalism and thuggery, so instead, she went to find a blanket for Miss Esmerelda. One of those soft blue-colored ones with sleeves in it for watching TV with and draped it over the extremely unconscious Knight.

"There you go! Now you won't be cold! Uhm… maybe I should close the door though." The fairy suggested, as she fluttered to the door handle, and, with all her might, started flapping her wings against it, slowly starting to cause the door to creak. A herculean display from such a tiny fairy. She pushed, and pushed, and pushed, and…

…just as the door was about to close, a large cat-like paw shot between it and the threshold, before pushing it back open.

A pair of clawed hindpaws attached to toned, muscular legs then strode in with a confident manner. A long bushy tail swishing behind them. A toned body, and, unlike the Magic knight, a pert and ample chest led the way as the powerful demoness walked in.

"Meow. Just what the HL is goin' on here!" The demon spoke. A Nekomata demon.

"Hi! My name is Robin and we're the Disgaea guild adventure squad. We're robbing this place. Are you a cop?" The fairy darted over to shake the catgirl's paw. Although when she did, she began to sniffle a bit and make a little fairy sized sneeze. "A-choo!"

"Rob The place? H…hey! My master!" The Neko huffed, as she noticed Esmerelda lying on the floor. "You totally meowudered her!"

"Kekeke! Yessss, we did!" Yasumi emerged from the Kitchen, holding a string of weenies over her head. Despite the fact that no one sells hotdogs on big strings like this anymore. Nevertheless, she cackled proudly at the misfortune festooned upon the magic knight. "Now have curse of having deal with inheritance paperwork."

The Cat leered, appearing quite cross with this. "N…now I have to buy my own litter and tuna supply! Oh… wait, it's you! You're that dumb Sorcerer who cursed meow with Dander while I was training in the item world! How dare you." The Neko clenched her fist and growled toothily.

"Here, do you want some cookies to cheer you up?" Sally squeaked, as she slid down the stair banister on her rump, before somersaulting off and landing next to Robin. Momoko soon followed, her rucksack filled to the rim with loot.

"No way! I'm Diabetic, meow!" The Nekomata clutched her tail defensively, seemingly offended by the offer.

"Oh, that's… actually very unfortunate. Sorry to hear that, nyao." Momoko spoke, with surprising sincerity.

"Yes. Diabetes is serious disease. Wilford Prinnley tried warn us." Yasumi added.

"Mhm, but I keep in shape by doing a ton of item world training and healthy diet. Or at least I would if you dopes didn't smash the entire item world, meow!" She huffed.

"That all sounds really bad and negative. Here, let me sing you a song to help you cheer up!" Robin squeaked, holding up a spoon, pretending it was a microphone. "*ahem*… ~Crackers and Caramels, Marshma… ahh…ahh…AHH-CHOO!" Robin caused a burst of fairy dust as she sneezed.

"Waaah, my eyes are getting' runny. What's going on." Sally rubbed her eyes.

"…hey wait a second? Didn't you put a dander curse on her in the item world?!" Momoko suddenly remembered.

Yasumi was busily blowing her nose with a handkerchief, presumably made of human skin. "Ech… yah, yah. Did curse. Was good curse… achoo!"

"Meyow-how-how… yes, you did put that a curse on me! I wanted to have a discussion about that." The Nekomata spoke ominously, as she assumed a combative stance. "Meoyou see, through my training I've turned that curse into a weapon. Now, face the wrath of my thunderstorm of allergens! HIIII-YAH!"

BGM: Disgaea 5 ost – Bloody Brass Band
watch?v=7pMDnqIRKeE

The Nekomata unleashed a mighty Cat Blast laced with dander, causing a sinus inflammation debuff on everyone in the room, except Momoko and Operation Catsaber, for obvious reasons.

Sally proceeded to flop on the floor, kicking her legs and rubbing her eyes, which were currently tearing up with the force of a waterfall. Given her -50% water RES, this was an absolutely devastating strike. "Hwaaaahhh! This is worse than sliced onions! Ahh…ahh… achoo!" She sneezed, as her sinuses began to burn. And not in a good way!

"ACK! You think… haa…ha…choo! That can use CURSE against ME? Will give EVERY debuff! Your FLESH will OOZE unto the flo…ahh… ACHOO!" Yasumi sniffled, as she tried to conjure a counter spell. But every time she tries to mutter the incantation, her horror speech gets interrupted by sniffles and sneezes.

"Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!" Robin squeaked, trying to fly while being propelled backwards in random directions by the sneezes, coughing up a puff of fairy dust every time she did so.

"Nnnnh, c'mon you guys!" Momoko shrugged, as the rest of her guild was debilitated in one fell swoop. "Yo. Sleepy cat. Mind helpin' me out here, nyao?" Momoko shrugged as she twirled her water gun on her finger and took aim.

The Catsaber burst forth from the sofa cushion in a shower of broken springs and upholstery stuffing, making an angry 'HISSSSSS'.
Translation: CONSIDER IT AN ALLIANCE OF CONVENIENCE THAT I WOULD DEIGN TO HELP SUCH A WRETCHED LOWLIFE, BUT THIS INFERIOR SPECIMEN MUST BE CUT DOWN FIRST, AS ITS CHEST DEEPLY OFFENDS ME.

"Alright! Team attack then, GO!" Momoko proclaimed, dodging left with her high SPD while the Catsaber went right. A tri-burst of water spraying at the Nekomata, with a side attack bonus.

The Catsaber meanwhile, conjured up a ball of yarn, lying cutely on its back while spinning it faster and faster, and faster until it literally caught fire and rolled with fearsome speed at the Nekomata in a Rolling Hairball special.

"NNnh… no… squirt guns… in… my…. House…" Esmerelda, barely clinging to life, groaned. Before grunting as a pair of cat-paw-slipper-clad feet from Momoko ran across her face. "…NHHHFFF!"

The Nekomata clutched its tail defensively to protect it from being moistened by the squirtgun spray, then took full force of the yarn ball, shaving its health down to below 25%. Unfortunately, this happened to trigger the Neko's Fatal Counter evility, as well as her Special Counter evility. In a flash, she lunged across the room, delivering a mighty Exploding Punch, first to Momoko, then to the Catsaber. Each punch hitting with the force of a small hand-grenade, staggering the two.

And that was just the automatic counter! Now, it was her turn. The Neko leapt into the air, spun around, and delivered a mighty Kitty Brain Blast, drop-kicking Momoko and the Catsaber to the opposite sides of the room, leaving them flopped on the floor.

"UGGGHHH… C'mon! Sally! Yasumi! One of you guys do something! Fight THROUGH the allergies… ack…" Momoko coughed as she struggled with the remaining 10% of her HP.

"Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!" Robin sneezed. She was holding onto the blades of the ceiling fan, which wasn't even turned on, but was spinning around due to the force of her teeny sneezes, showering the room with more fairy dust.

Yasumi was busy trying to put on one of those anti-congestion nasal strips to counter the effects. "Keh! I'm out of this one. Red fire girl. You cast spell on dander cat. Burn all allergens away!"

"I'll… *achoo* …I'll try… *cough* …P… PETA FIIIE…Eehh…ahh… ahh…AHHH!" Sally opened her mouth, leaning back more and more as the mother of all sneezes crept up.

"NOOOO! Sally! If you sneeze that hard, you'll lose all your brains!" Robin tried to help, fluttering over, but couldn't avoid sneezing herself and coughing up even more fairy dust.

"DID SOMEONE MENTION BRAINS? PLEASE SNEEZE WITH MAXIMUM FORCE THEN!" Roxanne poked her head in the door, having heard the commotion and came over to investigate.

"AAAAH…. AHHH…. AHHHHH!" Sally struggled to stop from having a super cute Mage sneeze. Which would have been wise, considering that, once again, due to Robin also sneezing so much, the room had an optimal fuel-air mixture of fairy dust to oxygen. Alas, the results were inevitable.

"Ahh-CHOO-*BOOM!*" The Mage sneezed up a fireball, igniting the fairy dust.

The resulting blast completely leveled the house, and sent the Nekomata, Esmerelda, Roxanne, and the entirety of the Adventure Squad flying into the yard, surrounded by a rain of insulation, drywall, broken wall studs, and cookies.

BGM: La Pucelle tactics ost – Old Sweet Melody
watch?v=Qir4-QdTKBo

"O…owwww…" Sally groaned, barely alive on the last sliver of HP. The rest of her teammates were comically scorched black, and all unconscious. She, reached desperately for her last cookie box while in her tenderized state, reaching out, grabbing her chocolate and mint salvation, and biting into it for a last, desperate burst of HP.

In a flash of green, she came right back to life! "AWW YEAH! At least one of us is still alive so I, like, totally consider that a victor… *CHHHKKK*" And then the poison kicked in, causing the Mage to seize up and flop right back over to death.

GAME OVER

…or was it?

"Oh… oh dear! That was quite a blast! It seems you've all died. *tsk tsk tsk*, Most unfortunate." Lori's voice carried over the aftermath of the explosion, as she emerged from her home to investigate, seeing everyone pretty much wrecked lying around in the yard. A simple fix, fortunately!

Losing her best customers would be an economic disaster, so she did the charitable thing (a rarity for demons) and cast a wide area Giga Heal on everyone to bring them back to their senses.

"Grah… curse of being Tenderized. At least allergies gone…" Yasumi growled, before Robin darted out from under her skull hat and flitted through the air.

"Everyone's okay now! Yahoo! Let's have some magical dancing and fairy dust to celebrate!" She cheered.

"No! No more fairy dust!" Momoko scolded.

"Hwuh… what… happened… oh, no, no, no! MY HOOOOOUSE!" Esmerelda sat up and began to freak right out upon spotting the crater where her home had been.

"Ahh… apologies. I can't heal buildings…" Lori smiled awkwardly and rubbed the back of her head.

Esmerelda then looked from her left to her right.

"YOU WOULD BE MUCH LESS CONCERNED ABOUT YOUR CURRENT PROPERTY VALUE DEPRECIATION IF YOU GAVE OVER YOUR BRAINS!" Roxanne added. While she was a county-approved licensed contractor, the maid wasn't going to rebuild her house for free.

Esmerelda just let out an awkward chuckle. "Ahh ha haaa… F[*assembly vote failed sfx*]k you all." She spoke, before raising both middle fingers, then passing out from sheer stress and flopping back on the ground.

"Oh… is she gonna be okay?" Robin asked, concerned.

"YES! WILL GO TAKE HER TO PERFORM BRAIN SURGERY TO FIX THE ISSUE RIGHT AWAY!" Roxanne spoke, lifting the limp body of Esmerelda up and carrying her away.

"Oh! Please don't perform brain surgery without a licensed physician present!" Lori added, quickly chasing after the brain maid as the duo bungled off out of the scene.

That just left the healed-but-defeated Nekomata, who was frantically trying to get the bits of insulation out of the fur on her tail.

"Myaoooowww!" The catsaber spoke, raising a rather large fish and brandishing it menacingly at the Nekomata.

Translation: IT IS A RARE DELIGHT THAT I GET TO WITNESS SOMEONE SUFFERING AN AGONIZING DEATH TWICE, SPEAK YOUR PEACE, INFERIOR SHREW, AND REJOICE IN THE COMING OBLIVION!

"Hey hey woah woah, hold up lil' Kitty. No murdering her until we do a proper interrogation." Momoko quickly blocked the Catsaber's enthusiastic desire to smack with fish.

"Interrogation, meow? I thought you were just here to rob the place?" The Nekomata asked.

"Nope! Momoko wants some kind of paw stick thingy. Also I want one too!" Sally scuttled over to investigate as well.

"Yep. A little birdie told me that a Nekomata might know where the Legendary Puppy Paw Stick is. Now spill the beans or I'm gonna have Yasumi curse you with fleas instead, nyao." Momoko put her paws on her hips. Meanwhile, behind her, the Shaman cracked her knuckles and had a wild-eyed look about her.

"Th…that won't be necessary! Of course I know where to find the puppy paw stick, meow! It's… it's… right here."

There was a short silence.

"It is? Is this it?" Robin asked, picking up a discarded back-scratcher.

"No. That ain't it, nyao. What the HL are you talkin' about, bub?" Momoko asked, with a skeptical frown.

The Nekomata stood up and gestured around with her paw. "The Legendary Puppy Paw Stick you seek is located in town. I guess that's why you were poisoning people. But you'll never find it like that, oh no. You see, while the Puppy Paw Stick is located in Hell's Half Acre, it's not in the one you know… in fact, it can only be found… in the X-dimension."

Dun dun duuuuuun!

"Oh gosh! The X-dimension! Oh no! Say it ain't so!" Robin panicked, before coming to a realization that… "I dunno what that is!"

"It dimension parallel to ours. Alternate universe. Everything topsy turvy. And all enemies there super tough." Yasumi pointed out the nature of the forbidden world.

"Yeah, Skully mentioned something about that. At least we can narrow it down to where in the X-dimension it is now. C'mon, let's go get it, nyao!" Momoko cheered, ready to conduct an interdimensional heist.

"Alright! Your funeral, meow! I ain't crazy enough to go neeear the X dimension. In fact, I'm outta here. Later, losers." The Nekomata then shuffled off, leaving the adventure squad standing around.

"C'mon! It, like, totally can't be that bad. We're the Disgaea Guild Adventure Squad and we're, like, super powerful! It's probably just a bunch of wacky gimmicky geo puzzles that are, like, super easy to beat if we can find a walkthrough guide on the NetherNet!" Sally chirped, enthusiastically. "You're in, right Yasumi?"

"No. Not going." She huffed, angrily, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Awww, why noooooot." Sally whined, loathe to commit without her man-eating source of unlimited curses and debuffs.

"Curse storm not work in X-dimension! Unholy place. Impure in eyes of Dolvalky!" She huffed, stomping her feet a bit.

"Okay okay, nyao. You can stay home. C'mon Sally, let's head home and get some rest. We'll gather the guild up and pull out the big guns and hit up the X-dimension tomorrow." Momoko suggested.

"Let's go get some milk and cookies then! Some non-poison cookies!" Sally cheered.

"Mew mew!" The Slumber-cat rubbed up against Sally's legs.
Translation: THIS FIRE-BREATHING ONE IS THE SOLE ONE AMONG YOU WITH SENSE IN ITS MIND. DISCARD YOUR DRY AND PATHETIC SUGAR BISCUITS. I AM TO BE PROVIDED WITH HEAVY CREAM AND FISH, AND THE BLOOD OF THE INNOCENT.

"Now you're talkin', Sally. C'mon, let's roll!" Momoko agreed. And so, the Disgaea Guild Adventure Squad left the ruins they had left of the neighborhood behind and went home to get some snacks!

---

BGM: SimCity 4 ost – The New Hood
watch?v=kIXl6HAXQLs

Downtown, later that afternoon

"…and they left the cloning machine running for like a week. And when they finally realized and went to shut it down there were, like, a million billion Asagis. Had taken over the whole netherworld. Three different personalities, too. We ended up having to send that Swamp Witch lady in to capture 'em all and make 'em into magic extracts." The Clergy babbled, as he and the Skull walked down the street through the seedy part of town… well, seedier part of town.

"So anyway, that was mine. What was your best spell, like, ever?" The Healer asked, making idle conversation as the duo continued on, passing various sketchy demon types and vehicles passing up and down the street.

The Skull seemed unimpressed by the story, but, having nothing better to do, played along. "Well, I suppose my best was the divination I did to locate the Prisma Crystal. That was the quest I was on before I was shackled to this backwater world by that harridan of a Mage."

"Wow. That's kinda lame. No turnin' people into frogs? No dumping mutagenic substances into the town water tower? Just… research? Did you at least use scholarly sources?" The healer frowned. Seems this Skull, when he isn't being snobbish, is just… kinda dull.

"Of course! I would never risk performing such a potent spell with secondhand informa…*trip* …yow!" The Skull nearly stumbled and fell into a large trench in the sidewalk from a previous encounter with a Zetta Beam, which still hadn't been fixed.

"Oi. Watch your step, Klutz. Or better yet, don't! Then I can charge you for heals!" The Anti-Messiah teased.

"Nnnh… don't even bring it up." The Skull huffed as he continued along. The Clergy hopping over the trench and joining him.

"Whaaaat? You wanna hold hands so you don't trip and fall and break your face?" The Anti-Messiah teased. Though this prospect caused the Skull to go red on his cheeks. Holding hands was, like, one of the most sinful acts that only naughty demons did!

"I… uhh… I… well… I suppose it wouldn't be… entirely unenjoyable…" He coughed, looking aside shyly.

"Oh… uhh… I meant that as a joke…" The Clergy frowned and also blushed. Lots of awkward fuzzy feelings between the two.

The sound of a truck horn interrupted the dorky duo's boy crush moment, as a garbage truck drove by. A Zombie and a Gargoyle, both dressed as sanitation workers, leapt off of the footboards on the back of the truck and began dumping trashcans from a certain alleyway.

"Okay! We're almost there! Eddie's joint is right where those two garbage demons are." The Anti-Messiah, quick to change the subject, interjected.

"Riiiight…" The bashful Skull was quick to return to his haughty demeanor. "So, who is this Eddie guy and how do you know him? Some sketchy peddler of illicit goods, I take it."

"Yep! He and I go way back! He used to operate out of some run-down hotel before this one clown princess lady bought it out to turn into a demon rehab clinic or sommat. He always has some good stuff. Dark assembly bribe items, potions, tonics, limited-edition foreign imports, you name it. We've been business buddies for years!" The Anti-Messiah chirped, clapping his hands.

"…sounds like quite a character." The Skull rolled his eyes. Not sure if he can handle someone sketchier than this healer. "And does he have any spells or reagents I can use to perhaps break the binding pact that Mage put me under, or to use to defeat Elanor?"

"I 'unno. Maybe. Let's find out!" The healer spoke. The garbage demons finished their unloading and the truck drove off. That meant the coast was clear. The Anti-Messiah slithered forth, leading the Skull discreetly into the stereotypical urban crime show alleyway, to a random nondescript metal door with a view slit in it, set into a brick wall. The Clergy knocked a few times with his staff.

"Yo! Eddie! It's me, your old pal! I need you to hook me up again." The Anti-Messiah spoke up.

"What's the password?" A voice returned, sounding a bit more gruff than the squeaky healer's voice.

"Item Sea Clam Chowder!" The Clergy responded, confidently.

"Is that the Red or the White?" The voice on the other side of the door requested.

The Anti-Messiah frowned. "Oh jeez… I can never figure this one out… uhmm… Red! No wait, WHITE! It's white!"

There was a short silence.

"…it was white, right?"

Then, the sound of a comical amount of locks and deadbolts being undone was heard, before the door opened, to reveal another demon boy. A Strider class, by the looks of him, with slicked back spiky hair, a pair of goggles on his forehead (which do nothing, by the way), a tight fitting tan shirt, and a pair of green exploration pants.

"Yo! Big 'A', nice ta' seeya. S' been a while. Who's your Skullfriend 'ere?" Eddie asked.

"I'm not his Skullfri-" The incensed wizard boy was cut off as the clergy butted in front of him.

"Nah, we're just roommates! Trouble with that one Red Mage girl I've been tellin' ya about. Long story." The Clergy spoke, enthusiastically.

"Yeah, Just… roommates…" Somehow, within the Skull's heart, it hurt to hear those words.

"Speakin' of which, I got a contract and need some ingredients for a thing. Whaddya got on tap today?" The Clergy asked.

Eddie looked left, and right, to make sure no one else was watching. "C'mon in, and don't talk so damn loud." He spoke, before leading the duo of demons inside.

BGM: Soul Nomad OST – Jazzy Glass
watch?v=D-ULIBnCMS0

The interior of the building was basically a giant warehouse, piled high with wooden crates and shelf racks. Dimly lit by a few lightbulbs dangling from the ceiling, and light filtering in from some skylights. By the looks of things, Eddie was packing up and getting ready to ship out, given the amounts of bubble wrap and packing peanuts lying around.

"Yo, what's with all the packaging? Getting ready to skip town or something?" The Anti-Messiah queried.

"Yeah. Y'see, I've run into a few legal difficulties with the local authority, so I gotta move shop to someplace a lil' more out in the boonies. Y'knowwhadImsayin? You're lucky you caught me today, I was just about to finish packing." Eddie pointed out.

"Oh! Isn't that swell! That surely must mean we get a going-out-of-business discount, yeh?" The Anti-Messiah beamed.

"Pfff, nice try, dummy. Not a chance in HL." Eddie responded, before making a rather rude gesture with his fingerless-gloved-hand.

The healer shrugged slightly. "Aww darn. Was worth a shot."

"In any case, sir. We require some magical reagents The Clergy has something or other he needs done, and I personally need some as well for a potion to deal with a Succub-" The Skull spoke, before being interrupted by an overenthusiastic Clergy spotting something that caught his possibly metaphorical eye.

"Yo! Wassat?" He asked, as he scooted over to a barrel full of various staves, canes, and other stick-like weapons. Pulling out one in particular. It had a grooved art-deco kind of carving on it, and an embossment that read 'ACME Products' on the head.

"Oh yeah, that one. We call that the 'Looney Staff'. You'll see why." Eddie put his hands on his hips.

"Not givin' me much of an INT boost." The Healer rubbed his chin, looking through the specialists on the item display screen. There was only one. A super-unique simply labeled 'Bugs'. "'Kay so, what does it even d-"

When the Clergy waved the staff as if to cast a spell, from the end of it, a poof appeared, causing a rather large Anvil to go shooting out. The Skull yelped and dove out of the way just in the nick of time, as the 500 pound lump of metal went shooting past his head, through the wall, and presumably into the building across the street.

"W…watch where you're pointing that thing!?" The Skull yelled.

"Yeah, be careful with that. And don't you dare use Alt-fire on that thing indoors. I got enough problems with building inspectors filing complaints about this point." Eddie scolded.

"Mhm, yeh. Sure. I'm keepin' it. But yeah, anyway, the real reason we're here… waddya got in the Poison ingredients department?" The healer asked, as he continued to brandish his new staff.

"For a doctor, ya sure do ask for poison a lot…" Eddie raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, yo! I gotta keep business rollin' in somehow. Besides, you're one to talk with some of the cagey crap like cartoon staffs you keep importing. I figured it was common courtesy to not question your paying customers' purchasing decisions." The Anti-Messiah scowled in response.

"Alright alright, yeah. Don't get your panties in a knot. Anyway, I got the goods. Toxic Eryngi spores, Fulminated Hell-Pepper extract, mutated Scarlet Iago virus, Aqua Beast slime. You name it!"

"No no no. That's amateur hour. I need the hardcore stuff this time. Y'see, I kinda sorta need to take down an Archdemon. Y'know. For legitimate medical reasons!" The Clergy smiled, feigning innocence.

Both Eddie and the Skull had a look of shock on their faces and took a few steps back. "Archdemon… Excuse me, did I hear that right? You want to poison an Archdemon? You never mentioned that!"

"Hey hey yo! Uh uh. I don' want anything to do with no archdemon! That's way too hot for me. I'm already in enough trouble." Eddie took a few steps back.

"Pfff… weaklings. You do remember what my job title is, right? Archdemons are small fry compared to me. Total chump change. Now c'mon Eddie, help me out here! After all… remember who helped you out that time with getting all that special product over the border from Celestia…"

"Okay okay, fine. No need to bring that up…" Eddie threw up his hands, if only to get the Anti-Messiah to quit talking. "…fine. I might have… something that can help… but it's one of those things I really, really can't have people talking about. If the Dark Assembly ever hears about this…"

"Relaaaax. Assembly doesn't need to know. Besides, I have my own friends in high places." He pointed out.

"Ooooh no, I need more than that, motor-mouth. This is some serious s[*sfx: item purchase*]t we're getting into. I need assurances you and your Skullfriend over there ain't gonna blab." Eddie frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm gonna have to insist on a…" The Strider held up his right hand, then extended his littlest finger. "…pinky swear."

BGM: Homeworld: Cataclysm OST – Tel Sector
watch?v=Hmxt2WZxEqc

The room fell deadly silent. A Pinky Swear was truly the most sacred, inviolable, and ultimate binding pacts of infernal secrecy.

"Oh… oh jeez." The Clergy's confidence was shaken. Anything that required that level of secrecy was starting to get kinda scary…

Still though, there was money riding on this now. The healer took a deep breath then spoke. "Kay. Let's do dis." He spoke, before extending his own lil' finger.

"Yo, your buddy's gotta do it too." Eddie gestured at the Skull, who had just been blankly staring at the duo's inane babbling, mostly just convinced that both of them consumed a considerable amount of lead in their younger days.

"A Pinky Swear… that seems… " He paused for a moment. "…Excessive. Fine though, I'll do it."

And so, the Skull and Clergy approached Eddie, extending their pinkies. As they reached out to each other, a magic sigil appeared on the floor around them. An ominous wind began to circulate through the room. And a distant clap of thunder was heard as their fingers intertwined.

"Pinky Promise I'll never tell!" The Anti-Messiah chanted.

"Yeah yeah, whatever." The Skull added.

"Okay, good. And you fully understand the consequences if you break this, right?" Eddie responded, flatly.

"A brisk scolding and no dessert after dinner?" The Anti-Messiah asked.

"No. Worse. Thirty minutes standing in the corner." Eddie replied.

The color drained from the healer's face. "Uhh… understood, chief!"

And then, the ritual was complete. The trio just stood there as the gravity of the situation set in. Eddie took a deep breath and spoke. "Alright. I'll go get it. Been wanting to get this off my hands anyway. Don't ask how I got it…"

The strider then put on a pair of oven mitts, and acquired a set of blacksmith tongs as he walked into the back room. Some rummaging around could be heard, as the healer and skull stood wondering just what kinds of horrors demanded this level of precaution.

They soon got their answer.

Eddie emerged from the back. Between the metal tongs was a small glass container, wrapped in a washcloth, with a clear liquid sloshing around with it.

The Skull seemed unenthused, he could detect no magical aura emanating from it, nor any of the usual telltale signs of demonic energies. He put a glove on his right hand as a precaution, while a small magic rune glowed in his left palm. A rune of identification. He moved It around the vial to deduce its contents.

"It's water." The Skull pointed out, bluntly.

"Yeah, it is water." Eddie responded, stone-faced. "Holy water."

The Skull froze. His eyes going very wide, and his face going very pale. "Is that… so…?"

" . . ." The Anti-Messiah spoke very slowly. "Okay, wow Eddie…. You've been holdin' out on me!"

"Yeah. Be careful with that. This crap came straight from further away from me you can get that stuff, the better."

"You… do realize what this stuff can do, right? Holy Water is one of the few things that can permanently kill a Demon. It erases all evil it touches. Purifies the soul. And since Demons are made of 100% evil souls, that means no heal spells, no netherworld hospital, no super-reincarnation is going to get you out of it. One drop of it, and you're done." The Skull spoke, as he very, very carefully handled the vial.

"Pfff, no duh. I know that. Y'know? Doctor? But yeh. Skully's right. We're gonna need secure transport for this crap. Used shopping bag ain't gonna cut it for this one." The Anti-Messiah spoke. Even he had a healthy respect for the kinds of powers being handled here.

"Sure, how about this." Eddie pointed out, before going into one of his many open crates to present a Prism Rangers branded lunch box, which he opened up, stuffed some washcloths and bubble wrap inside, leaving a little space for the vial.

"There! Perfect hazmat transport case!" The Anti-Messiah gave a thumbs up.

Carefully, the Skull put the vial in the lunchbox, put a bit more packing on top of it, and closed it up. "I've handled dangerous reagents before. Nothing quite this hazardous, but I'll take care of this. It's not that I don't trust you… but…" He glared at the Clergy. "…no, it's exactly that I don't trust you."

"Yep! Sure! I'm fine with 'at. You handle the super killy ultimate death water. I'll handle this kick-ass new staff!" The Anti-Messiah cheered.

"Mmh, yeah. About that. Gonna need you to pay for those." Eddie crossed his arms again.

"Awww, c'mooon Eddie! You said me getting' rid of that is doin' you a favor. That implies it's a freebie, right? Right!" The Healer smiled all cute and nice-like.

"Yeah naw. Doesn't work that way. That's gonna be 20,000 HL for the Staff, 50,000 for the… that." He pointed at the lunchbox. "And don't ask for a discount. I'm already lowballin' ya just cuz I'm movin' and I need that stuff outta here."

"Okay okay, fine." The Healer shrugged. Normally he'd just grab the stuff and run, but given 1: He wants to stay on good terms with Eddie, 2: He only has a max 50% steal chance, and 3: He can only run like 4mv/turn kind of puts a damper on that plan. The healer handed out all the HL he brought with him, and with a handshake, the deal was sealed.

"Pleasure doin' business with ya, as always. Now, take your crap and leave. And remember, this conversation never happened." Eddie nodded.

"Yeah sure, but I am gonna need a receipt. This is a business expense!" The Clergy insisted.

"Can we just get out of here? Handling this stuff gives me the creeps." The Skull reached out to tug the back of the Healer's dress and get him out of the building as fast as possible.

"Gah! Fine fine, catch ya later, Eddie." The Clergy waved.

"No problem. Now scram!" Eddie yelled, as the duo finally stumbled out the door.

---

BGM: Disgaea 5 ost – Who are you?
watch?v=zsefcRnvupU

"I sincerely hope you're better at picking your nose than you are at picking your friends, Cleric." The Skull spoke as he walked alongside the healer up the Alleyway.

"Yo, Skully. There are friends and then there are suppliers. Kay? Besides, didn't you say yourself, 'friends are a burden and get in the way of magical study crap' or whaddeveritwas?" He commented, as he continued along.

"Be they friends or associates, I would be much more cautious about people who handle items like Holy w… like this so casually. When you start messing with these types, you're bound to get in trouble. And not trouble you can just wave a staff at or flash your 'final boss of the bible' credentials at to make go away." The Skull spoke, inquisitively.

The Anti-Messiah just waved his manicured hand dismissively. "Mhm, yeah. Sure. Waddever. That sounds like stuck up magic school talk again. Out here in the real world, you gotta make judgment calls sometime-"

"Yo. Goofball. Where ya' think you're goin." A mysterious voice spoke from behind the duo, echoing through the alleyway. It wasn't Eddie.

BGM: Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 soundtrack – Big Apple
watch?v=Vvmnm91QzvM

The Anti-Messiah froze. Uh oh. He knew that voice. The healer turned his head 180 degrees completely backwards, with a totally blank expression on his face, to greet the assailant.

"Oh, uhmm… uhmm… uhh… hey Vinny!" The Healer spoke cordially, though his rather severe and sudden concern for the continued integrity of his kneecaps were betrayed by the beads of sweat appearing from under his blind bangs.

"Hey yourself, kid. Where's my money?" 'Vinny', a gunner, spoke, his poncho flapping dramatically in the breeze, which contrasted the splint he wore on the bridge his nose. He was flanked by a dozen Bouncers, each staring stone-faced, in fancy suits, arms across their chests.

The Skull just rested his face in the palm of his hand. Regretting jinxing it by mentioning bad associates…

"Oh! The money! YeahImworkinonit! Anywho… nice… uhh… nose-job ya got there. Discount plastic surgeon or something?" The Healer tried abruptly to change the subject.

Vinny just scowled and crossed his arms. "For yo' information, kid. I just got outta' the hospital. Some stupid punk human kid beaned me with a Land of Carnage thimble."

"Wow! Sucks to be you!" The Clergy responded, his attempts to look confident betrayed by the fact that he was sweating bullets at this point. A small pile of brass shell casings accumulating around his feet.

"Naw, sucks to be you. Cuz, in addition to the money you already owe me, guess who's gonna be payin' my hospital bills?" The Gunner spat in reply.

"C'mooon! Vinny! Is it always about the money? Isn't it about the power of love and friendship and happiness and smiles?" The healer tried to look all cute and baby-seal-like to avoid the impending future of pain without end that was coming.

"No. It's about the damn money." Vinny spat in reply.

"Okay okay fine, jeez! Vinny! I'm workin' on the money. I got a contract. Big one too. High-payin! I just need to do some… uhh… backwards healing on a certain bigwig demon. Then I get paid. Then you get your money? It'll take, like, three days. A week tops! Deal?" The Clergy pleaded.

Vinny was having none of it. "Suuure, sure. And I'm the Legendary Demon Fist. You had your chance, kid. And speakin' of fists, boys? How's about we tenderize this shrink-wrapped shrew and use the money we get selling his organs to pay off his debts."

"Yeah… well… you'll… uhh… havetocatchmefirst! SUCKEEERRRRS!" The Anti-Messiah squeaked, casting 'speed boost' on himself and then scurrying out of the end of the alleyway!

…only to be blocked at the exit, as two more bouncers appeared from around the corners, and a powerful Golem demon dropped down from above with a thunderous crash, cutting off their only escape route. "…eep!"

"Yeah, nice try, Chump. Boys? Tune him up a little, would'ja? Shut that yap of his." Vinny commanded.

His bouncer buddies nodded in unison and began advancing on the cowering clergy, who turned to the Skull in a pleading motion. "Hey! Skully… c… c'mon! You gotta help me outta this!"

"Yeah Scully." Vinny spoke, in a mocking tone. "Whaddareya gonna do, pull quarters outta my ears? Lemme make ya' a deal. Fork over whatever's in that Lunchbox and we'll only pound that healer into a pulp and not you too."

The Skull took a step back, and drew his staff. The duo were badly outnumbered, and unlike the Zombies they had fought before, these toughs seemed to have the stats to back up their bravado. Handing over something as potent as what he had in the lunchbox was not an option, however. And so, the Skull braced for the pain to come. "I'm afraid I cannot do that. You don't realize the powers you are dealing with here. It's way over your heads."

"Pff, yeah. Heard that one before. Boys, smack specks over here up too, and get me whatever's in that box."

"Hmmfp, fine. Have it your way." The Skull began drawing a sigil of magic before him, muttering the incantation of the strongest Star element spell he had.

"Alright, fine then! If you're gonna be such a butt about the money, then I'll just have to give you a taste of Vitamin-C! The 'C' is for Clergy, get it? Hue hue, hue… OWOWOWOWNOTHTEHAIRHOTTHEHAIR!" The Anti-Messiah had drawn his own staff, but before he could cast any buff or defense spells, the Bouncer gang was on him. Four of them surrounded him and proceeded to punch in a chain of team attacks.

"Omega Star!" The Skull called out, attacking the wave of six bouncers charging toward him. A burst of purple energy shot down from on high, briefly blinding him to their advance… but alas! While the star spell did shave off a bunch of their HP, all of the Bouncers apparently had the foresight to bring along high-level orbs and RES items. Then, they unleashed their attack; the first punching the Skull right in the face, knocking his glasses off, the others attempting to wrestle him for the lunch box!

Vinny just grinned evilly, chewing on a toothpick as he watched his goons go to work. It looked as if the duo of Clergy and Skull was well and truly done for!

---

BGM: Makai Kingdom OST - Intermission
watch?v=oL3QITmFGsA

Nearby…

"I… don't… believe it!" Alessa fumed. "5000 HL for a belt that barely gives a dozen ATK? It's not even real Bore-Eel skin either? It's just some plasticized Prinny hide. That's worse than extortion, that's just… just… unfashionable!"

Alessa and Violet were currently making their way down the same street the Anti-Messiah and Skull had traversed earlier. On their way home after a brisk lunch, and an afternoon of shopping. Unfortunately, the local belts and accessories vendor's price gouging had rather displeased the Lady Warrior.

But that vendor is dead now! Hopefully the next one has more fashion sense!

"Yeah… this town is cute but the shops and item vendors… ehh… well they have nice armors, but none of them are in my size! Not everyone is around here is A-cup, you know… *cough* …I mean! N…no offense, Alessa."

The Lady fighter shot a glare at her, but it was all in jest. She just playfully punched Violet's arm… then shook her now-bruised knuckles because ow! Metal. Bad idea.

"Uhh… so? Wanna stop over at the NetherPlex theatre and see a movie? Or just go home and see what's on Slay-Per-View?" Violet asked, eager to change the subject.

"Hmm… well? What's even playing? I haven't been keeping up with movies lately. Still binge-watching the latest season of Beachwatch: Poisondise Edition. We really should go to a beach at some poin- gah!" Alessa nearly stumbled and fell into a large trench in the sidewalk from a previous encounter with a Zetta Beam which, yet still, had not been fixed.

"Oh dear. Watch your step!" Violet was quick to grab Alessa by the belt and keep her from falling it. The Warrior nearly losing her only defense of modesty in the process! Fortunately she held on, adjusting it with a slight flush on her face.

"T…thanks. Well, anyway… ehhhh… what's playing anyway?"

"Well, there's that new movie coming out starring Axel. Sound like something you'd be interested in?" Violet suggested. Said movie is a dramatization of how Axel became Netherworld president, single handedly defeated Fear the Great, Got the Girl, and then played a shredding rock concert to top it all off. Based(loosely) on a true story.

"What? That washed up hack? Pff… I'll pass. I'd rather watch that new edition of the Succu-act? Where all those Succubi nuns start a burlesque group?" Alessa suggested.

"Oh ho ho? Didn't think you were into that. As long as it doesn't give you ideas to want to use my exercise room agai- HHHNNNNGGG!?"

At that moment, Violet froze, as if struggling to restrain herself from some compulsive urge all of a sudden.

"Violet? Whats wrong?!" Alessa asked, in a panic.

"Someone… someone very near here… I can feel it… in my heart! Someone… just nearby… is being… Bullied!" Violet spoke, through gritted teeth. An Armor-Knight's maternal instinct to protect helpless young boys and absolutely, violently, crush their assailants is overwhelming. "This… this… cannot stand! Follow me, Alessa! HYAH!" The Armor knight bellowed a warcry, before charging in the direction of the commotion.

---

BGM: Makai Kingdom OST – Super Cool No. 1
watch?v=-RVg8YevOp8

"THE ENTIRETY OF MY BODY IS DIE!" The Anti-Messiah announced, as he was getting completely swamped, down on the ground, curled defensively in a Clergy ball, being pounded by a swarm of angry goons. The Skull was doing little better. With his limited physical DEF and ATK, he's largely powerless in close quarters against these ruffians, who easily pry the lunchbox containing Eddie's Secret Ingredient away, one of them tossing it carelessly over to Vinny, who catches it.

"So, lil chump…" The Gunner snarked at the bloodied and bruised Skull, now held up by two of the bouncers, as he held the box in both hands. Thumbs going to the locks in preparation to open it. "…just what do you got in here that's so valuable that you'd be willin' to stand up for this loser, anyay?"

"Vinny. Let it be known, if you get found-out with what is in that box, you can expect the entire Netherworld to be after you..." The Skull spoke, through gritted teeth.

"Pfff, yeah right." Vinny smugly retorted, electing not to open the box right now. Instead drawing his weapon. Having learned his lesson from before, he splurged on an actual firearm this time. A rank 6 assault magnum, which he leveled at the Skull's head. "Ain't no one in this Netherworld who's gonna stop me now…"

And then, at that moment, the brick-wall to Vinny's left exploded, as Violet literally burst through an entire building, before careening into the troupe of Vinny's bouncer goons, sending them away like a rack of bowling pins, complete with accompanying sound effect.

"What in the HL…" Vinny looked around frantically to see just what the freak happened… when a pair of very athletic legs encased in metal sabatons launched into a flying kick to his head, courtesy of Alessa. "*THWACK* GAAAAH!"

The Gunner flew sideways, dropping his gun and the lunchbox, as he skidded to the curb.

Violet stomped her metal boots on the ground and planted the hilt of her spear onto the pavement. "Cease this attack this instant." The armor knight bellowed, in an authoritative and very knightly voice.

"Beating up on dorky kids? That's low even for Demons. Why don't you dumb schmucks pick on someone your own size, ehh?" Alessa responded as well, helping the Skull up to his feet. The Anti-Messiah just continued to roll on the ground.

"…the HL do you two lunatics think you are, bargin' in here like this? This is a business transaction! That dumbass healer owes us money!" Vinny spoke, rubbing the knot on top of his head, before returning the hat to its place of dishonor. His skull is understandably thick, and he isn't about to give up just yet.

"Knight?! I don't have time to explain to you why, but you need to keep that box away from them. Something extremely hazardous and fragile is inside and it needs to be kept safe!" The Skull spoke, as he clamored for his staff, and tried to return his cracked glasses to his face.

"Expired milk? Moldy bread? Sure sure, whatever it is we'll keep it away. I don't think he's going to be able to steal it when all of his fingers are broken, now is he?" Alessa cracked her knuckles, and then drew the sword she had slung across her back.

The Anti-Messiah meanwhile, cast a heal spell on himself. And only himself. Before stumbling back to his feet. "Nya ha ha ha! I like this girl! Y'hear that, Vinny? Now I have the sociopathic goon squad on my team! You're gonna be on first-name basis with that hospital when we're done with you!"

"Oh yeah? Last I checked, punk, you're still outnumbered!" Vinny pointed out, as his Bouncer troupe recovered, and began to surround the Knight, Warrior, Skull, and Clergy.

"Outnumbered, but far from outgunned. I am Violet the Coral Knight! Servant of Noble Lady Kimberl-… *sigh* Sally the Mage. President of the Disgaea Guild Adventure Squad. These boys you've savagely attacked are my comrades in arms. It is a knight's duty to defend them from bullying and defend we shall! Cross us at your own peril!"

"Yeah whatever. Mouth on you'z as big as big as those metal honkers you got there. Boys! Shut that yap of hers and get me that damn lunchbox!" Vinny spat. His Bouncers silently nodding, undeterred by Violet's Bravado.

"Healer! Buff me! Then provide some support magic!" Violet commanded, adopting a defensive stance as the wall of bouncers sprinted toward her.

"Hang on, hang on! I think I broke a nail!" The Clergy panicked, trying desperately to schedule a mani-pedi on his phone.

"This is no time for shenanigans, we need every advantage we can ge… *THOOM* …geh!" The Skull was cut off as the Golem smashed the ground next to him. Somersaulting out of the way, he counter-attacked with a star spell at the beast. The Golem simply deflected the attack with its stack of high-level orbs, and continued smashing.

"Okay okay fine, jeez! Healer's gotta do what a healer's gotta do…" The Clergy spoke, raising his staff and casting a mighty Physical Gain buff on himself, Violet, Alessa, and the Skull.

"Ahh! I can feel my muscles invigorated! My power raised twofold! I feel like I could just… dominate everyone in my path! Mhmhmhmhmh! Ahahahaha! Hope you remembered the safety word." Violet cackled, just as the bouncers reached her. (The safety word being 'Fuego' by the way).

She twirled her staff at the first goon to approach, hooking the hilt of it under his right leg, using his momentum against him and tripping him, causing him to fall. She then delivered an armor-plated kick to the second, knocking him into the third.

The fourth and fifth were able to get a few hits in, but these did virtually nothing to her armor, allowing her to counter, using her spear to push both of them back, before slashing and impaling the unfortunate duo.

She then felt a brief weight pushing against the back of her armor, as Alessa used her as a stepstool to leap over top and into the air, leaping over the first rank of bouncers, before bringing her sword down in a powerful Blade Rush attack, charging through the next group, shaving away their HP and sending them down for the count.

Vinny somersaulted aside from the blade attack and lunged for his gun, raising it, aiming it at the Anti-Messiah, and firing a single shot. The Healer barely dodged the attack, though the bullet grazed his left pigtail just enough to cause some split ends.

"Hwuh!?…" He squealed, diving down, and then nursing the damaged follicles. "S…split ends?! Grrr… you'll pay for that, bozo! My hairdo is worth more than your life!"

The Anti-Messiah puffed his cheeks up, all pouty and angry-cute-clergy-like, and aimed his new staff directly at Vinny, using it to fire an anvil out of his staff directly at him.

"Hooh JEEZ!" Vinny spoke, as he ducked in the nick of time, the Anvil cruising just over the top of his hat and into the face of the bouncer behind him, before continuing on into the brick wall beyond.

Violet and Alessa were now standing back to back, the Knight fending off a renewed grapple from several of the bouncers, one of whom grasped at her spear, only to be met in the face with a metal-coated fist. Another one tried to outflank her. The Knight reacted by jabbing the hilt of her spear into his foot, then bringing it up right between his legs, taking him out of the fight abruptly and decisively .

Alessa meanwhile had three of the goons advancing on her, and appeared to be getting overwhelmed. Her footwork and relentless offense were able to take down one bouncer, punching him in the solar plexus, then another, by slamming the back of his head against a wall, then socking him right in the face. But more soon approached, and she started getting overwhelmed. One tried to grab the belt she wore over her chest, only to receive an elbow to the midsection. But another was able to get a Triple Strike in, knocking the warrior airborne. "Aaaargh! I'm getting' hammered over here!"

The Anti-Messiah was mostly focused on gleefully firing Anvil after Anvil at Vinny, who was barely dodging the attacks, before he noticed the belt lady getting roughed up. "Huh, wonder what Alt-fire does on this thing anyway?" He asked, before aiming his staff at the three Bouncers surrounding Alessa, and right clicking…

A subtle 'poof' briefly caught the thug trio's attention, and they looked up just in the nick of time to notice the concert-sized grand piano that had materialized above them, before it crashed down on her heads in a brief but devastating cacophony of shattering wood and breaking piano strings.

"Woooaaahhh! HAH! That's payback for all those dumb music classes they made me sit through at the Evil Academy!" The Clergy smiled evilly, proud of the results.

"Nnnnhff… need some help over here! This thing has a bunch of RES items on it and my powers aren't working!" The Skull proclaimed, casting lightning bolts left and right from his own staff as the Golem raised its hands and smashed the pavement in front of him, getting ever closer and more accurate with each swing.

"Alright! TAKE DIS!" The Healer shouted, before firing with his staff as fast as he could. The golem was met with a rapid barrage of a dozen pianos to the face in the span of a few seconds, colliding with a series of piano-smash-noises, thoroughly burying the beast in the wreckage.

While the healer was distracted, however, Vinny took the lull in he fighting to take aim right at the healer's head, and fired! The bullet whizzed forth, barely missing the Clergy, but shooting off the top of his piano-launcher-staff, shattering it in a shower of wood shards. "Gah! M… my staff! He… he smashed my beautiful hardwood staaaaaff! M..my pride!"

"Next one's comin' for yer head, squirt!" Vinny taunted, before firing again. Only for the bullet to make a harmless metallic ricochet noise as Violet, with her bulletproof metal armor, interposed herself between Vinny and the Healer.

"Not a chance in HL that you're harming him, little Vinny. I'm gonna lock that little popgun away in a nice little cage and make you beg to get it back!" Violet proclaimed, before crossing her arms over her metal chest and unleashing her Galahad's Shield attack, once more, to bulldoze over the wiry gunner… only to find her attack interrupted, as a half dozen Bouncers mobbed her. One putting his arms around her neck, the others trying to wrestle her own arms and pull her down through sheer weight of numbers. "Gah…! You boys really want some? You can't.. nnnhg… handle me!" She groaned, elbowing one in the stomach, then delivering a backhanded metal glove slap to another, but more surrounded her.

"Seriously, you boys are really playing with fire there!" Alessa called out, knowing at this point from personal experience how Violet gets when worked up. Quickly she charged in, and began clearing the bouncers off, launching the one behind her airborne with a Hurricane Slash attack, before slapping it back down to the ground with the flat of her blade.

The Skull darted in to Violet's aid as well. While Magic was ineffective with the goons stacked with so many RES items, he'd just have to make due with the tried and tested technique of hitting them really hard in the crotch with his staff. "Aieee!" The bouncer in question's voice raised a few octaves as he doubled over, thoroughly incapacitated.

"Hmmfp, good thinking, boy. Let me show you how a real lady does it, though." Violet smirked, as she raised her armor-clad knee into the pelvis of the next bouncer in her path, sending him a few feet off of the ground, before putting him down for the count.

By now, their combined efforts have thinned the herd of Vinny's thugs, most of whom were incapacitated or on their last slivers of HP. However, Vinny saw an opening. The lunchbox with the mystery element was sitting on the ground, alone, unattended. Quickly, he darted over, and grabbed it!

"Oi! Dumbass is goin' for the box!" The Anti-Messiah, robbed of his main offensive weapon, exclaimed and pointed. Violet tossed aside the Bouncer she was currently re-arranging the face of, and Alessa finished curb-stomping her last two opponents, before both of them advanced on the gunner, who was now very much alone.

"Not so fast, chumps and chumpettes!" He leered, as he raised his pistol, with one last bullet in the chamber, and put the muzzle right up against the lunchbox, aiming the whole affair at the four. "You even think about it, and I blast whatever's in this damn box all over your pretty lil' faces. That'd be a mighty shame, wouldn't it?"

The Skull and Anti-Messiah froze, Violet and Alessa were more tense, though they didn't realize how much danger they were suddenly in.

"Hooooooh kay! Waiddaminute there, pal!" The Anti-Messiah squeaked, waving his hands defensively as this was a rather terrifying reversal of fortunes. "L…. let's not be hasty here!"

"Hmmfp… you think you can threaten us with whatever's in that box? I can take whatever you can dish out, boy." The Knight punched her balled fist into the palm of her opposite hand, though her bravado was quickly cut short as the Skull darted over.

"Oh no you can't. Armor won't help you against… that." The Skull proclaimed, looking left and right. If Vinny were to fire now, with the four of them channeled in a narrow alleyway, they'd all get splashed by the contents, and even a single drop of holy water would be utterly and irreversibly deadly.

The guild was tense, as Vinny felt his confidence boosted, still having no idea what kind of power he was holding. "Yeaaaah. The boy knows best. So how's about we make a deal? Since you messed up my business associates, how about you empty your wallets and make a donation so I can pay their hospital bills. And hand over the Healer too. He and I gotta go home and have a lil' dialogue about some money he owes me. Do that, and maybe I'll let you all go. Try anything funny, and it's game over!"

"Uhh.. uhmm… uhmm! Hey! How about.. you take Skully instead! He has tons of money! All sorts of magical knowhow! He'll make your rich!" The Healer squeaked, pushing the boy wizard to the front to use him as a meat shield.

"Aww fff… no! Hey, quit it!" The Skull blurted, once again being thrown under the bus by the Clergy.

"Not a chance." Violet spoke, standing between the Clergy and Skull, putting herself up front to take full blast of Vinny's mystery substance should he choose to fire. "I, Violet the Coral Knight, will never let a no-good cur such as you lay a finger on one of my charges! Sure, my guild mates may be small, effeminate, sociopathic, murderous, perverted, vain, haughty, or just plain weird. But damn it, they just need a strong parental role model in their lives to stand between their confidence and weakling opportunists like you."

"Hmmfp! Nice speech, babe. I'll engrave it on your tombstone. Now, ya got to the count of three to change your minds. One… Twoooo…" Vinny spoke, drawing out the countdown as he wore an even more menacing grin.

The guild members looked tense, staring at each other. The Anti-Messiah doing his best to cower and put as many bodies between himself and the lunchbox as possible.

"Thre-… *creak* …OW! Sonova…" A piece of brickwork fell and smacked Vinny directly on top of the head. The Gunner lowered his weapon to use his hand to rub the knot where it had hit, and then turned around to see that the brick wall behind him, which had been cracked and cratered by repeated Anvil hits, was on its last legs. With a mighty crack and crash, the wall began to collapse!

"Woah what the FUUUUUU….!?" Was all Vinny managed to get out before he was buried under a literal ton of bricks. An avalanche of brick and mortar falling upon the Adventure Squaddies as well.

"WATCH OUT!" Violet yelled, as she attempted to shield the guild with her body, only making it over to the Skull when the bricks hit. A roaring crash and a puff of dust was all that was left, and then, an eerie silence…

BGM: Disgaea 2 ost - 罪深き薔薇の薫り
watch?v=yEf4cuAB_jU

As the dust cleared, a number of very surprised and very underdressed demons inside the building rushed to hide whatever scandalous acts they were presumably doing when their privacy was rudely interrupted.

After a moment, Alessa burst out of the pile, kicking aside a piece of plywood. Scraped and bruised, but alive. "Oh no… oh no oh no! VIOLET?!"

With a mighty grunt, and a brief burst of broken wood, gravel, and building materials, Violet too, emerged from the wreckage. Her armor dented and scuffed, and her hair having quite a bit of insulation in it, but she was alive. Beneath her, the Skull as well, was unharmed. "I'm fine… I've been through worse… wait. The Healer? Where's the Healer!?"

"The Anti-Messiah!? Where did he go?!" The Skull leapt from the hole in a panic as well, out of legitimate concern for his… as close to demons get to friend's life. The trio immediately began digging all around the rubble pile for any sign of life.

"No! It cannot end this way! I'll never let an innocent soul be lost as a result of bullying! No, never! NEVER!" Violet continued to dig, frantically, tossing aside chunks of cement and bricks like a machine.

"I mean, he's the Anti-Messiah. I think he's the farthest thing from an 'innocent soul' as is physically possible to get…. hey wait, is that him over there!?" Alessa retorted, before noticing a pair of suspiciously pigtail-shaped objects sticking out of a pile of masonry.

"He may be a sociopathic pervert and the herald of all sin, damnation, and everything that is unholy and evil, but damnit, he's our herald of sin and damnation! Dig him out of there, quick!" Violet, full of determination, led the trio over to set to work trying to dig out and free the tenderized healer.

The Anti-Messiah was well and truly smashed after having a building dropped on him. Slack jawed, drooling from the corner of his mouth, covered in bruises, limbs at awkward angles, and not moving or saying anything as he was dragged from the rubble like a rag doll.

"Quick? Skull? Do you know any healing spells?!" Violet asked, as she took the shattered Clergy into her arms.

"Only the most basic ones, but I lost my staff in the collapse. Healing items, does anyone have healing items?!" The Skull asked, digging around for something to use as a makeshift staff to offer first aid.

"Here. I've got this!" Alessa proclaimed, presenting a single stick of mint gum. Violet quickly stuck it in his maw and tried to work his jaw with her hands to force a chewing motion.

At first, nothing happened. Was this the end. Was it over? "No… no no, come on! It cannot end like this!" She spoke, cradling the questionable boy in her arms, and shaking him left and right, like a mother would almost… and then, almost like a miracle, she noticed as his pigtails began to twitch…

BGM: Disgaea D2 Ost – Heaven's blossom
watch?v=8xYBJprfqVA

The tenderized clergy then shot up out of her arms and did a sort of Saturday Night Fever pose as the like 25 HP he got from the gum restored him to something approximating being alive. "BOOM! I'm back, baby! Ya think some dumb wall's gonna defeat me. Nuh uh! You said it yourself! I'm the Herald of all Sin and Damnation! I've got, like, total street cred! Accept no substitu… *clank* NNNNFFHHH!"

The Healer's monologue was immediately interrupted as a pair of arms pulled him into a protective bear hug, Violet hugging the small healer tight into her bosom. "There there now! You're safe, you're alive! I'll never let anyone bully you again. Mommy's gonna make sure it's all right…"

"Mommy… excuse me, what?" Alessa cocked an eyebrow at Violet's Freudian slip, while the Skull just shrugged with a slack-jawwed glare.

The Anti-Messiah, for his part, was too busy flailing his limbs and groaning in pain to process this information. Having one's face forcibly nestled into a lady's cleavage is considerably less comfortable or pleasant when said bust is made of case-hardened steel.

"N…no! You heard nothing! That was… ahh… just a slip of the tongue… ehehe…aaahh!" Violet released the hapless healer and rubbed the back of her head, blushing awkwardly as Armor Mom instincts subsided.

"Riiiiiight…" Alessa looked at the duo all shifty-eyed like and crossed her arms. "So what about that horrible lunchbox of doom we were all worried about there?"

"Oh! Crap! The lunchbox! Skully, did you see where it went?!" The Anti-Messiah panicked. He paid good money for that and isn't about to let it go.

"Over there!" the Skull pointed, gesturing over to where a lone hand stuck out of the rubble, still with a white knuckle death-grip on the lunch box, which was a bit scuffed but otherwise no worse for wear. Lunchboxes in the Netherworld have to be built tonka tough to be able to survive the rigors of a Demon elementary school, after all.

The Clergy quickly scampered over and pried the box loose. "Sorry Vinny, guess you're gonna have to shake down some other poor scab to get the money to cover your funeral expenses, ehh?" The Healer teased, sticking his tongue out.

Vinny did not respond.

"Pfff… whatever." The Clergy dismissed it as being buried in like 300 tons of structural debris being a bit of a conversation killer. " Just remember, pal! Never cross the Diswatsas Adventure Clan Whatseydoodle ever again!"

"Healer. I'm glad to see you're alright, but please let me handle the lunchbox. I'm trained to deal with reagents of this power." The Skull spoke, putting on the pair of oven mitts he found in the rubble to handle the box.

"Sure, why the HL not. If it splashes on you and melts you into a puddle, it ain't no skin off my nose!" The healer chirped, handing the box over.

"Just what is in that Lunchbox anyway? If we had to risk our lives to protect it, we at least deserve to know." Alessa approached, crossing her arms and looking down at the duo sternly.

"Poison ingredients. For medical purposes!" The Anti-Messiah replied, electing not to elaborate.

"Whatever, whatever. It'd better not be something dumb like holy water or something… aaanywhoooo…" The lady fighter shrugged, only to have her attention piqued by a small piece of cloth also standing up in the rubble, pulling it out of the dust and revealing it to be Vinny's cowboy hat. "Oh hey, I'll take that, thank you!" She spoke, putting the hat right onto her head, before making a 'finger guns' gesture. "Howdy Pard'ner? Think I'd make a good cowgirl?"

"Ahh, it really suits you, Alessa!" Violet chuckled. The hat did match her belts pretty well, all things considered. "You'd have to Spec into guns to be any good at it, though. Something tells me you prefer getting up close and personal."

"This here's a stick up! Bang!" She did a playful finger-gun gesture at the Anti-Messiah, teasingly. Not even touching him.

"GUUUUHHH!" The Anti-Messiah reacted as if he'd been shot with an actual bullet, flopping into the air like a garrysmod ragdoll backwards with considerable force, landing in a heap nearby.

"Oh, uhh… okay?" Alessa blinked a few times, staring at her own fingers. Since that made even less sense than usual in the Netherworld.

"Ehehe… ahhh… yes. Well then! I think that's enough mayhem for one day. Let's go celebrate our victory with some Ice Cream. My treat!"

"ICECERAM!" The Anti-Messiah jerked right back to life as the prospect of frozen treats that he doesn't have to fight with Sally over presents itself.

"I dunno… does the ice cream place around here have low-calorie options like frozen yogurt? I can't deal with all those saturated trans fats, you know." Alessa shrugged.

"You know what… it's really hard to argue with free ice cream. That's the only thing that's happened today that hasn't been part of a constant string of disasters. I'm in." The Skull spoke, carefully taking the Lunchbox along as he and the others began to depart the alleyway.

"I want chocolate syrup and sprinkles on mine! Nya ha ha ha!" The Anti-Messiah cheered in juvenile glee at the prospect of ice cream.

"Ahh, well… as long as you're happy, I just see it as part of my duty of being the Guild's protector and guardian!" Violet smiled, her dark heart being just that much warmer seeing the excitement in the healer's… uhh… eyes?

And so, with that, the quartet of guild members strode off down the road, as the orange rays of the dark sun set between the buildings of Hell's Half Acre. A perfect end to a chaotic day!

---

BGM: Half Life 2: Episode 2 OST – Dark Interval
watch?v=29utEOUT71Y

"You failed." The dark voice spoke, reverberating down the endless vertical chamber above, past structural members and conduits, to the pedestal below, whereupon stood a battered, damaged, and very small-looking masked girl.

She stood solemnly, betraying no emotion, in the room lit only by a few blue-colored display screens and a few random indicator lights residing deep amidst various pieces of machinery.

"Do you understand the reason for your failure?" The warped voice spoke, rhetorically. It was emotionless, though perhaps not entirely. There was just the slightest hint of malice to its electronically filtered words.

"Cause of operational failure was single Crown class archanosomatic entity which prevented retrieval of primary target." The masked girl spoke, in an unnaturally cold and mechanistic manner, recounting the presence of Kimberley.

"No. The reason for failure was your inability to deal with Crown class archanosomatic entity." The greater voice spoke. "You are my champion. As devised. You are to overcome all obstacles without fail. Do you understand the price of an inability to achieve your purpose?"

"Inadequacy for primary task will lead to reconstruction of substrate into more suitable form." The Masked girl responded. Perhaps with the smallest, smallest pang of sorrow, or perhaps fear in her voice.

It was then that a third voice spoke up, accompanied by footsteps. Lunaris strode around the battle-damaged cyborg girl, holding his hands behind him as he gazed 'upward' at no particular point of reference. Merely the general direction of the origin of the voice. "Now now, let's not be too hasty in judging your Champion. She was able to easily defeat the rest of Kimberley's ilk, and stood against her in accordance with her tasks. The fact that she returned at all is a testament to her skill and resolve. Kimberley is not a petty demon, not by a long shot. She is a legendary senator, on par with an Overlord in power-"

"Irrelevant." The grander voice snapped. "My champion failed to complete the task it was designed for. If the tool is unsuited to the task, it will be replaced. Furthermore, we have now shown our hand to this 'Kimberley', who will no doubt take measures to keep my asset further protected."

"While it would be improper to say 'I told you so', I would hope that next time you at least consider my suggestions of patience. Be that as it may…" Lunaris raised his hand tersely. "…this merely further speaks to the need for a change of strategy. Brute force tactics is what Demons expect. What they thrive on. To weaken them requires a degree of tact, and misdirection. Kimberley may be powerful, but she is shackled by the Dark Assembly's whims, and I have made assurances they will be unwilling to act."

"I require more than assurances. I require certainty." The mechanical voice spoke. But it then remained silent for a few moments, calculating, weighing costs and benefits. "The Champion was given the best possible opportunity to collect the asset. This necessitated speed. And she was yet unable to defeat the Demon Kimberley."

"And? Was she not able to best an Elder Archmagus of Wind? And the very Beast of the end times spoken in your world's scriptures? Not to mention your 'asset' himself?" Lunaris spoke again, taking a step forward. "The Key to defeating Kimberley and reclaiming your asset is to sew misdirection. To force her to make a mistake. To move the pieces on the board to ensure we can snatch away the Queen with as little effort as possible. Let me handle her, and her cronies. Do not question my strategy, provide me the resources I need, and I will get you your prize."

There was a long, ominous silence. The sounds of distant machinery were heard droning away. As if growing more intense by the second.

"Agreed." The voice replied, perhaps hesitantly.

But, along with this reply came the whirring of machinery. Several robot arms descended from above, grasping the Masked Girl, who had been standing as silently and motionlessly as a sentinel, and lifting her off of the ground. "My Champion must be remade, however. To ensure she can challenge the one called 'Kimberley'. I will not settle for anything less. The data from the fight will be used to adapt an appropriate response."

"Entirely understandable. Indeed, I encourage intensive reconstruction, as a matter of fact. But ensure you remake and do not replace her. You know as well as I do that she is the only one who can do what you want done." Lunaris responded, his demeanor cooling as he observed the mechanical limbs take the girl away.

The girl did not resist, simply being lifted limply upwards, unable to resist her fate. That said, the inability to express pain, does not mean the absence of pain. The resculpting of the flesh and restructuring of implants… can only promise to be agonizing.

Lunaris merely smiled. He knew that he could merely render her unconscious. Disable her sensory system… but no, that would deny him the suffering he requires. Ever moreso, would replacement of the girl with someone else. She and she alone must confront Ari. Then, and only then, will both of their wills be broken.

A silent agreement to the duo's torment had been made when Lunaris begrudgingly sided with this individual. After all, what Demon would he be if he didn't indulge in the deepest of cruelties from time to time?

---

Chapter 10 – End

---

BGM: Command & Conquer Remastered – No Mercy
watch?v=P6P6VOyRnb0

NEXT EPISODE!

KimberlEVA: "Welcome back, Commander. Today, we enter a world much like our own, in an alternate timeline, where strange green rocks from space have come, and are being fought over between terrorists, and the global defense initiative."

*Commando(!) Ari, battles his way through an army of Nod Prinny troops, with his trusty one-shot-kill rifle, making his way toward a Middle Finger of Nod, while brandishing a pack of C-4.*

Ari: "I have got a present for you." He spoke, in a flat, emotionless deadpan, as everything exploded in the background.

KimberlEVA: "Which is not to be confused with the other alternate timeline, also similar to our own, where Terrorists from the Middle East struggle to take down the global superpowers."

Dr. Yasuthrax: "Now! Get in car and make into bomb. Drive into infidels really fast and explode for glory of GLA! Big boom! Lotsa fire!"

Prinny Terrorist: "I don't even have a driver's liscence, dood! How am I supposed to drive stick shift anyway?!"

KimberlEVA: "Not to be confused with the OTHER other alternate timeline, where everything's just totally off the wall and we have Tim Curry as the Premier of Russia."

Prin-Curry as Premier Cherdenko: "Now I'm gonna escape to the one place that hasn't been taken over by, like, capitalists, dood." He spoke, barely able to contain laughter, as he corpse out. "…SPACE dood!"

*Meanwhile, in Red Alert 1, an army of Catsaber conscripts march forward, only to be mown down by one-hit-kill pistol shots from Tanyalessa Adams.*

Tanyalessa: "Ha ha ha ha ha! Shake it, baby! Cha CHING!"

*While Tanyalessa is wreaking havoc, Thief Momoko attempts to infiltrate an ore refinery and steal all the credits, only to suddenly be pounced by an attack dog which can see through her disguise, which is actually just Robin in a dog costume.*

Robin the attack fairy: "Grarw! I'm gonna one-hit-lick you to death!"

KimberlEVA: "However, other powers conspire to corrupt the battlefield and turn the war on its head."

*A Psychic Prinitiate walks into a control room for a Psychic Dominator.*

Prinitiate: "Comrade Dood! One of the enemy fighter jets crashed into our nuke plant. We can't start the device, dood!"

Yuroxxane: "THAT IS OKAY, WE HAVE OTHER DEVICES ALL OVER THE WORLD. ACTIVATE THEM IN ORDER TO TAKE OVER ALL OF THE WORLD'S BRAINS!"

*Meanwhile, in Red Alert 3, Shichiro, dressed as a shinobi, throws a barrage of shurikens before battling a Combat Bear with his sword, while Hibana Omega, wearing a schoolgirl outfit, uses her psychic professor powers to pull Kirov Airships out of the air and levitate tanks.*

Hibana: "Ahahahahah! This makes me regret not getting an esper degree in College! Forget fireworks! This is where it's at!"

*Back in Generals, Yasumi argues with a Prinny standing infront of an arms dealer building.*

GLA Prinny Worker: "Can I have some shoes, dood?"

Dr. Yasuthrax: "Not even have feet! Not get back to work mixing poison! Need put food coloring in Anthrax slime to fill up toxin tractor!"

*While Yasumi continues to Argue, a squadron of Chinese MiGs fly overhead, led by Sally.*

Sally: "Target acquired! Fire strike inbooooound!" The Mage proclaims, before firing off a barrage of incendiary missiles to burn down Yasumi's base.

KimberlEVA: "Battles will be fought even into the far future, as the true nature of Tiberium is revealed!"

*Zone Trooper Violet is wading through a tiberium field in a red zone, battling against Nod Cyborg Ralph, who is half paying attention, half starting to spout off old man stories.*

Ralphborg: "Harvestin' Tiberium, ehh… remember when we were real revolutionaries?"

Zone Violet: "Just hold still and take it! Wait… what's THAT!?"

*Suddenly a Scrin drone ship falls from the sky, crashing nearby. A horde of Descos come flying out, shooting plasma discs everywhere, forcing Ralph and Violet to team up and fight for their lives!*

*Meanwhile, in a big auditorium, Anton Skullvik prepares to execute a captured Vinny Hassan, in an auditorium infront of a bunch of a bunch of nod fanatics.*

Skull: "In the Name of Heals."

Audience: "Clergy lives in death!"

Skull: "In the Name of Heals!"

Audience: "Clergy lives in death!"

Skull: "In the Name of Heaaaaals!"

*Suddenly the Anti-Messiah appears on a big TV screen, causing the audience to go wild.*

Anti-Kane: "CLERGY LIVES!"

KimberlEVA: "Next time, on Command & Clergy: Red Mage Alert. Silos will be Needed."

Anti-Kane: "You can't kill the Anti-Messiah!"