Many Moods of Samcedes
Sam's POV
I sat picking at my breakfast, I'd sat up all night pissed off again after an evening of fighting with Mercy, we've been married for a while now, 13 years last week January 14th to be exact, and up until now everything's been going alright bar some glitches. We argue of course we do everyone does don't they? general stuff like, you know, things that didn't matter in the long run, I'd been late twice already this week and yesterday I knew she was spoiling for something to flip about, and against everything I'd planned I was stood in work yet again at the request of Philip; my boss, promoting business, my fault for being good at my damn job I guess.
I walked up the stairs getting my argument prepared, the last time we'd had any big thing about work was when I'd opted for being truthful rather than being safe. I'd had a thing with Michelle from the office a while back nearly six years ago, nothing sexual, we were just really good friends, she was super clingy and before I even realised what was happening, she'd tried to take it a step further, of course I'd backed off and the bitch run straight to Mercy making out like we'd had something. It took me a while to get her to believe me, but in the end she did, truth was I said an almighty prayer that Michelle's 'we should be together' story didn't work on her and breathed for the first time in nearly a week following that when she finally told me she believed me, she said she did anyway and I believed her.
I got to the front door, opened the door and creped in
Mercy's POV
Sam had been late home for the third time this week, the first two times I'd just brushed it off I knew the routine, he had deadline days. I'd been out till after 6pm on this third night myself, I'd just about put my bags down, kicked my shoes off sorted things and grabbed for a drink as the phone rang "Hi Mercy?" an unfamiliar voice came at me saying
"Yes, who is this?" I asked checking the number to see if it really was Sam's work
"It's Michelle, from work" she replied, I could hear the smile in her voice and I knew she was waiting for me to kick off, but no way was I going to give her that fucking satisfaction
"Michelle, what can I do for you?"
"I'm just calling to say Sam's going to be late at the office again tonight, sorry about that, but he has commitments" she actually laughed saying
"That's fine, thanks for calling me" I'd said, almost ripping the phone out the socket as I dragged it off the table and threw it across the hall, I was cussing and cursing so hard I actually made myself another drink, then sat on the couch waiting for him to bring his fucked body home, trying to figure out whether to drink the damn drink or throw it at him. I was so damn mad I was actually singing my new song with conviction as I stood in the studio singing 'Incapable' by Keyshia Cole, I'd just finished and everything was balled up in my gut, and I was ready for him so when I heard the door open I ran out to the door, watching him trying to shut the door quiet like he was sneaking in
Sam & Mercy
"Where you been?" she spat at him before he could close the door, sliding the full glass onto the side table as she moved
"Work, where do you think?" he asked dropping his briefcase on the floor as she rushed towards him
"You're fucking lying" she flew at him shouting, he grabbed her hands before they touched him shocked
"Mercy" he shook her shouting "I said I've been at work and I'm not lying"
"You've been at work?" she pulled her hands away from him asking, he let her go, he wasn't up for man handling his wife but he was still watching her hands as he spoke
"Yeah, that's where I left to go this morning, what the hell is wrong with you?"
"You're on the fucking couch" she told him venom in her mouth
"Why, what have I done?" he shouted after her watching her walk
"Seriously?" she turned to ask, not waiting for a reply before she walked into their bedroom and slammed the door
He stood looking at the door for a few seconds before he decided he wasn't having it especially when he hadn't done anything wrong "Mercy" he opened the door to see her crying on their bed "What's happened?" the fight he'd conjured up outside the door gone for seeing his wife in that state
"I can't do this any more Sam, I …. seriously I don't want to do this any more" she sighed "I'm a fucking wreck"
"What are we doing, being together?" he asked shocked "What, you don't love me any more?"
"The trust Sam, it's gone and this is driving me mad, I nearly hit you just"
"Babe we're talking about one incident what six years ago, that never happened because I stopped it, I thought we'd got over that?" he sat next to her asking "I wish I'd never fucking given the details" he rolled his eyes telling her
"So now you want to keep secrets?"
"No I don't, but we're sitting here talking about the dreaded D word I'm guessing babe, because you can't handle the truth, I really don't want to lose you. I guess that's what I'm telling myself, I'm asking if my conscience being clear is worth losing you, and I guess I'm thinking... not"
"I need to think Sam, I can't live like this, but I don't know what other life I want... I need time"
"Time?" he asked getting up to look at her "Mercy we're supposed to be in this together, that's what we agreed"
"Things have changed for me Sam" she shouted back as they stared at each other "Please just give me some time"
"What brought this on Mercy, what happened?"
"I'm still waiting for you to let me know" she told him "Please leave me alone" she flopped on the bed asking, he stood looking at her for a long while before he finally turned and left their room. Mercy sat on her bed knowing there was no way she was going to find sleep tonight, her mind was in overdrive, she'd told him he had to believe in their love and here she was doing the opposite.
Sam grabbed a bottle and sat heavy on the couch, if he was going to get any rest tonight he was going to have to force it. He poured himself a drink and held it to his mouth, looking at the bottom of the glass, he changed his mind, she could come at him with anything any time and if he was going to make her finally understand that he meant every fucking word when he'd told her all that time back, he was going to fight to get her back from whoever, whatever, however, he had to be sober.
Stress
"Shit" Mercy turned the bathroom tap on saying "Now we're both fucking angry" she rolled her eyes, she hadn't felt like this in forever "God since that first damn conversation about their secret relationship" she stared in the mirror thinking about that stress she'd felt back in 2013.
Her mind went back to that dreadful day when a so called friend had sent them on a massive guilt trip, talking about hard topics and what being a Christian was really about. They'd gone back as usual to her house to sit and listen to the grown ups giving them jokes, her parents were so into all that free talk they generally forgot there were children near by. Sam was living with a family so he could come back to school so he didn't really have anywhere for them to go, plus she had a boyfriend, they sat most nights on the veranda watching everything happen sneaking looks and sometimes kissed, but that night was different, and really after those comments in school she should have known it was going to be.
Flashback
"Mercy can we go have a chat?" he finally sat up on the swinging chair asking after fidgeting for most the night as my supposedly resting head bounced up and down with every move he made
"Sure" I looked up at him smiling "We could go to my room"
"No lets just go walk" he replied and I knew it was serious, I got up anyway trying to feel if he'd actually lost interest in me, wondering if this really was the end, he grabbed my hand and we walked away from the house down the path and way down the street until we couldn't hear the usual Bob Marley songs playing in the background
"What is it Sam?" I finally asked my stomach churning and hands sweating, he didn't show signs of fidgeting any more
"I know you heard what she said today"
"Who?" I looked up at him asking "Her that you should never speak about to me ever again?"
"Yeah" he smiled determined not to get into my trap and call the name "I believe we do need to face up to this hard topic"
"How do you expect us to deal with it if you won't let me mention that name either?"
"But I can mention his name" he spun me round telling me "I want Shane gone Mercy, you said you'd do this like three weeks ago, and the fucker's still hanging off you"
"I will, I just need to get the right time"
"I'm telling you the right time is now" he looked at me telling me, demanding, that I hear what he was telling me "I don't need to be hiding behind trees and stuff to get a kiss from someone I want to call my girl"
"I will"
"You're right you will or we're over Mercy, you told me you loved me and then you treat me like this, what the fuck?" he pulled away from me saying
"I do love you" I stepped closer to him telling him "It's just difficult with him" my eyes dropped to his hands held up at me telling me not to touch him, my heart breaking for him wanting to keep me away
"I don't feel that right now Mercy, you're turning us into cheats, I never want to be labelled as that, and you shouldn't want to either"
"Sam" I flashed his hands out the way and dived at him, I couldn't think of any words to express my feeling so I grabbed his lips with mine and pulled his head to go in deeper "I love you, I do" I told him looking into his eyes as I spoke I needed him to see my soul wasn't lying "But I don't want to hurt his feelings"
"So what you'll break my heart to save his?"
"No I didn't say that"
"You did"
"No I didn't, I'm going to tell him"
"When?"
"Sam" I whined
"Okay I'll give you till valentines day, after that if you haven't done it by the end of the day, before we go to breadsticks, I'll tell him my damn self" he told me walking back towards her house
"Sam" I walked quickly to catch him up, but he didn't speak again until we got back to the house
"Sam" my Dad laughed calling him over "Come sing with us" grabbing him round the shoulder as he got to him, I could see he really wasn't in the mood as we threw daggers at each other, he rolled his eyes when he heard Dad's song choice as he stood there having just told me he wasn't going to wait, rubbing salt in the wound as he joined them in their rendition of 'Waiting in Vein' by Bob Marley & the Wailers, I walked off half way through the song determined not to speak to him for the rest of the night, until he announced he was going home, then something in me panicked.
"Goodnight Mercy" he shouted across the veranda as everyone looked on wondering what was happening for us
"Hold up" I grabbed two soda's and walked towards him "I don't want things to end like this between us"
"So we're done?"
"No I mean tonight, things tonight, I'll never sleep" I dropped my head on his chest like a neglected puppy
"They are ending like this for us tonight, it's up to you how we carry on, or not, and you've still got till valentines day" he lifted my head and kissed me on the nose "I refuse to be a fool just because of the way I feel about you Mercy" he told me before he walked away
End of Flashback
God that was one of the more scariest conversations I've ever had to have, it was the most stressful three days I've ever had to go through, and as I look back at that time I think Sam not speaking to me was more stressful than finishing with he who's name will never pass my lips again "But this is stress" she sighed as she looked in the bathroom mirror at her reflection
Acceptance
Sam sat looking at the TV he really didn't know what was on, he was trying to get inside Mercy's head right now, he hadn't done anything as far as he knew, but somehow she was sitting in their bedroom making a decision again, that brought him right back to 2015 when he was crapping himself about how to pop the question
Flashback
"Just ask" his Dad popped into his head saying "Whenever you do you'll be passing bricks" he laughed telling me about the weak proposal he'd given Mom "But she took pity if nothing else and said yes" he finished nudging me as if it really was that simple. I remember the walk over to her work place as if it was yesterday I'm back there feeling everything I'd felt as she stepped out of the building
"Hi Babe" she'd walked up to me smiling, I remember finding a smile in there somewhere with everything else that was swimming round my damn head
"Hi" I finally added to the smile, giving her a hug as I kissed her waiting lips "Coffee?" I'd asked like that wasn't our usual thing
"Of course" she was looking at me oddly, before I realised it was a stupid thing to ask "Why would you ask that?"
"No reason you just looked like you were going to say something and I thought you were going to ask for something different or something" don't ask that was all I had in me right then, bricks were passing
"Why, do you want to do something different?"
"No if you want coffee we'll have coffee" I grabbed her hand saying, happy she'd found some sense in what I'd just said
"You want to do something else don't you?"
"No" I giggled nervously, Propose I thought "No I don't lets start again" I grabbed her round the waist "Lets go get that coffee"
"Fine" she giggled as I walked beside her rolling my eyes knowing I was going to mess this whole thing up
We ordered our drinks, grabbed our usual seats and talked, well Mercy talked I was busy fretting on when to say what I really wanted to say 'Shit I should have done the candle thing at least' I bit my bottom lip so hard thinking trying to multi-skill and get up to get the words out "Mercy" her name just rolled out my damn mouth in the middle of her conversation stopping her mid stream "I...I, never mind" I got out, I didn't hear anything else, I was feeling like I was going to collapse any second, things were going dark, I mean really dark
"Just say it Sam, its been a strain keeping this conversation going, what do you want, for us to split up, what?"
"For us to get married actually" I looked up at her saying, all I heard was split and I panicked
"Really?" her eyes bulged out asking, her face wasn't in surprise mode though it was more a 'Are you fucking serious' kind of look before she looked around the cafe at everyone looking at me for how loud I'd said it, before she got up and walked out
"Mercy" I ran, rather red faced, after her shouting as she flew down the road "Mercy" I gasped when I finally caught her up "Sorry, it didn't come out right, can I try again tomorrow?"
"Did you mean to ask me?"
"Yes of course but not like that" I pointed at the cafe
"So ask me for an answer tomorrow" she smiled kissing me unexpectedly on the lips before she walked off, I walked her home in silence kissed her again when we got to her house and left promptly to rush home and sort my proposal out
When I got home Dad was happily playing 'Meant To Be' by Bebe Rexha &Florida Georgia Line on the player, rocking along as Mom danced for his pleasure "So?" they both stopped asking me
"I don't want to talk about it" my face sulking as I walked straight through to my bedroom and stayed there until the next day thinking about my next move. I knew how Mercy's mind worked she'd find a heap of reasons to say no before she followed her heart and said yes, the last thing I needed was to have given her time to think about this.
I'd had a whole night and as good as I was with coming up with great ways to do things, I was stuck, no further ahead than that mess I produced yesterday evening. My feet seemed heavy as I made my way to the bathroom before going down for breakfast and no doubt to face my parents questions and advice "Morning" I chocked out as I saw them busying in the kitchen
"Morning" they said back together, their tone making me look up
"What's up?" I asked suspiciously
"Nothing" Dad replied as they looked at each other again
"Breakfast?" Mom asked
"I could do with a fry up, but knowing my luck Mercy will walk in and catch me eating it, so I'll just sort myself a bowl out" I got up telling them, walking to the cabinet to get my cereal as they both turned to look at what I was doing "What?" I asked them for staring as I pulled the box out and grabbed a bowl
"Milk?" Mom asked going to the fridge, something was going on I should have known
"Cereal Mom, I guess the logical answer is yes" I giggled "What's wrong with you guys?" I asked pouring the cereal into the milk Mom had lovingly poured into my bowl. I'd taken a few spoons before I noticed the note glued to the box "Has Mercy been here?" I grabbed the box asking
"Yeah she came this morning, crack of dawn" Dad told me smiling
"This is from her isn't it?" I smiled unable to believe what I was seeing "She said she will" I jumped in the air telling them
"Sorry Dude we read it" Dad said jumping higher than me
End of Flashback
"That was a good outcome and up to this day I don't even know what I did right, so how the fuck is she expecting me to know this now?" he looked at the door asking it as he grabbed a pen and some paper
Mad
Mercy was laying on their bed boiling, she couldn't calm herself down, this fucking woman had found her way back into their life and of all the things to do Sam was lying about it, of course she was mad, too mad to sleep she knew that. There had been so many times he'd gotten her mad but this time could only be compared to that time in 2017 just after they'd got married
Flashback
"Sam you said all this would be over once we got married" I'd shouted across the room as I watched him getting his case ready for some random photo shoot he said he'd agreed to do before the wedding
"Babe you knew about this last one, don't give me a hard time over it, you'll enjoy it when the money rolls in"
"How about" I walked up to him all seductive and sexy looking saying "If I'm not here when you get back" my eyes turning to daggers as I spoke
"You'll be here" he smirked "You love me"
"Seriously?" I pulled away from him asking "You're so fucking full of yourself"
"You're so full of me Mrs Evans, or did you forget that?"
"I'll surprise you" I threatened
"You won't" he told me "Unless it's our baby" he walked over to me a smile on his face telling me to jump into bed right now, but fuck him, I resisted "Now kiss me and tell me you're going to miss me" I kissed him, just as he'd asked I couldn't even deny him anything and he knew it, he had me
"You're going to miss me" I told him when he let me up "I won't be here" I warned
"You'll be here, I love you" he smiled down at me, lust in his eyes, I love the way he looks at me
"I love you back you know this but, I won't be here" and I meant it, I'd got every intention of grabbing some clothes and leaving the damn man just to show him a lesson, I packed as soon as I knew he was on the flight, he'd called to say he'd be in the air for five hours and then he'd call me to say he was safe and I'd planned on being out the house by then. He'd promised he wouldn't do this any more and there he was going off to some shoot in the deep south with bitches I didn't even like "fuck you Sam Evans" I shouted with satisfaction as I sat next to my packed case, exhausted for all that packing I knew I was going to have to unpack at some point.
I needed to do something else to get my mad out, he wasn't there to shout at, he wasn't even taking me fucking serious, I threw a few pieces of clothes on the floor, that didn't help, I threw some more and stepped on them dancing, that felt a bit better but not good enough, I picked some up and ripped them and that felt really good "Yeah" I told herself as I picked some more up and ripped them smiling with rage as I slowly emptied the case full of clothes onto the floor every piece ripped. This felt so damn good I couldn't stop there, I emptied the walk in wardrobe, draws, every cupboard in the bedroom, everything finally scattered around the room ripped as I sat on the bed feeling liberated "Yeah" I looked around smiling at my handy work "Be surprised Mr Evans" I lay on the bed telling him, I didn't even clean it up I left it just like that for the three days he was away
"Mercy what the fuck" he walked into the bedroom looking around at all our things around the room "What's this about?" he asked his voice started off mad but then he refused to rise to my crap and lowered his tone, and just like that I'd lost again
"I'm here aren't I?" I replied "I never said anything about being happy about it"
"M.A.D" he mouthed as he looked around, making me laugh "Okay I get your point, come clean this up" he told me, I didn't even argue I just walked towards him to start picking things up "You were mad yeah?" he asked as I passed
"As hell" I smiled
"Why because you couldn't leave me?"
"You know that shit yeah?"
"You know I'm not letting you leave me" he grabbed hold of me holding my eyes to see inside my soul and let me know he was telling me a truth "Leave it, we can do this tomorrow" he grabbed my lips and closed the door, as the radio blasted out my song 'Mad Love' by JoJo God this man knows me so damn well I fell into him thinking
End of Flashback
"God I hope he's not sitting out there thinking I'm doing that again, shits too expensive" she smiled to herself
Calm
Sam sat looking at the bedroom door, his life was behind that door, he was trying to move his eyes, trying to block out that feeling he was feeling right now he was back there in 2019 trying to pull himself together trying to give her the space he needed, be strong, the man, her husband a decision had to be made and God was he making the right one
Flashback
We'd just fell onto the bed again, Mercy had been sick for the third time that morning, we weren't trying for a baby but, we weren't being careful about things either, we were ready to just roll with the punches if it ever happened. "Do you think this is it babe" I'd asked too excited about the prospect of being a Dad
"I'd definitely call this morning sickness, we do have about a minute left before we know for sure" she told me, it didn't calm me down any, I must have sat for less than a minute before I was pulling her up "Sam" she moaned at me
"Don't you want to know?"
"Of course, it's just you're jerking up the baby if there is one"
"Sorry" I touched her stomach gently "We need to find out" I squeezed out I was definitely in spoilt child mode
So when the test came back positive we were excited, we couldn't wait to tell our parents, friends everyone actually, at month two Mercy had a decent bump already "Don't forget the appointment for this giant this afternoon will you" she patted her bump asking as I went out to work, she was feeling too sick to go to the studio. There are no words to explain the feeling we had when we proudly walked into the clinic for our first scan at 12 weeks, we couldn't stop looking at each other all the way there, holding hands and smiling, this was our adventure
We walked out of there daunted "What are we going to do with three babies?" I asked as Mercy looked at me like I was mad
"What?" she asked like she was spaced out "What are we going to do?" and I suddenly realised she was scared
"It'll be alright babe" I hugged her saying praying hard that that was going to be the case
We went back at 20 weeks to hear all the negative stuff about fatalities, disabilities, illnesses, infections, premature births and all the other crap that scares you to fucking death to the point of sitting up nightly watching for belly movement and almost begging for machinery for the home to actually monitor baby while we slept every third night.
We were both tired by week 32 and praying for the next two weeks to rush forward so we could meet the little people we'd made, I'd took time off work to help with everything and we felt ready. I came in from the shops one afternoon to find her rolling, or trying to roll, around the couch "What's up?" I rushed to her asking, seeing pain in her face
"I think the babies are coming" she grabbed out for me saying
"Let's go" was all I could think to say, I really didn't want to deal with this alone, I needed her out of the house and in the hospital, with professionals around her making sure my wife and children were fine. I couldn't carry her so things went four times as slow with stops for pain, vice grips on my hand and lots of swearing from both of us. We finally got to the hospital some 40 minutes and about 12 contractions later, I was about to faint with blowing with her, running a few red lights and more swearing as I willed things out the way, she was finally in the best place.
We were sitting, well she was laying on the bed in the maternity room, everything ready for the birth, waiting for the midwife to do her checks, she smiled as she walked in "Mr and Mrs Evans, Kelly" she smiled "I'm afraid Diane is off"
"Oh" I said a bit apprehensive "Is she on her way?"
"She's away on holiday I'm afraid, these babies were due in two weeks I'm told"
"Yeah" I said still not sure what to think
"I've been briefed and I've done this before many times" she said as Mercy and I looked at each other
Another 20 minutes and Mercy was roaring and threatening to pull the babies out herself "God this hurts" she screamed and all I could do was sit and watch her in this necessary pain
"Hold up" the midwife suddenly screamed "The baby's turned" and everything seemed to go into panic mode, one minute everything was going to plan the next minute everything was a risk and they were firing questions at me, asking me about consent
"For what?" I shouted everything was coming at me too fast "What's happening?" I asked looking up at Mercy to see her eyes closed "Mercy" I shouted wondering how she could be sleeping at a time like this
"Mr Evans can I ask you to step outside" someone came to the side of me saying, I went to protest but looked at Mercy and suddenly knew something was wrong
"Is she alright?" I asked I'd never felt so weak and helpless
"We need a decision Mr Even, we're at a critical point, do we save your wife or the children?"
"What?" I spun round asking shocked "Mercy save Mercy" I told them, not a thought for the children we'd planned, wished and prayed so many times about over the months. I sat in that chair wondering what our life was going to be like after that decision I'd made because I knew once she woke up she'd blame me for everything, and she'd be right I'd be responsible for three deaths
The longest hour of my life, I sat holding my head, trying to not let it burst as I waited for news of my wife, I couldn't even get up and walk around my legs were too weak "Pray" I told myself as I sat there unable to think, speak, listen or anything and suddenly that calm came, I'd asked for something to help me cope and calm came "She's alright, they're alright" I stood up saying, to find the surgeon standing in front of me
"Mr Evans, if you'll come with me?" he asked
I was shocked when I walked into the room to see Mercy sitting up "Are you okay babe?" I ran to her crying, everything I was feeling balled into a cry
"I'm fine" she pulled me to her saying "I prayed, it always works" she smiled
"I prayed too" I looked up at her saying
"Meet our family" she looked across the room at three cribs telling me, I stood up and walked over to have a look three little caramel skinned babies all moving around, small but perfect, wrapped in soft blankets, two boys and a girl, and there it was again that calm as I stood, the happiest man in the world
That night we sat together watching our family sleep and of course we finished the day with a prayer of thankfulness
End of Flashback
"That's what I'll do I'll pray, she needs to feel that calmness now" he looked at the bedroom door again before closing his eyes to pray about this situation they'd found themselves in
Envy
Mercy restlessly sat on the dresser combing her hair, to the outside world I guess she could have looked like she was either getting ready for a romantic night in bed or an evening out at the Oscars, but she was thinking, seriously thinking about her life with Sam, it had been hard, real hard, he wasn't just any guy. He didn't seem to be phased by it or expect her to be, he was focused, always made her feel important to him and was never shy about displaying affection regardless of who was around, she eventually caught up with him and her confidence grew too.
They'd enjoyed even laughed about some of the situations they'd found themselves in with woman or men throwing themselves at them, giving nasty looks or making comments that weren't worth repeating, that kind of stuff triggered Sam's over the top behaviour and of course she lapped it up, Sam's melt downs any time a man said an hello that sounded wrong
She sat thinking about this jealous streak she'd suddenly developed tonight and where all the distrust came from, she needed to deal with that trigger but she needed to find it first, she looked in the mirror thinking "That fucking bitch" she rolled her eyes saying as she rested her head on her linked hands "I remember our first married jealous back in 2021" she smiled as she remembered
Flashback
"Mercy I've got an extra meeting so I'll be a day late back" he'd sat on the phone in Sunny Florida telling me
"Fine so, what are you doing now?" I'd asked I was pissed but I didn't have an argument for it just now, he'd taken me by surprise
"I'm just out on the balcony watching the sun go down with a whiskey on the table" he smugly told me "What are you doing?"
"I've just changed Silas for the tenth time tonight, he's had too much chocolate as usual, Sarah just threw her dinner down my top, get that picture in your head, and Saul had been an angel all day but now he's creating a swimming pool in the bathroom" I laughed "And I wish I was sitting on a dam balcony anywhere"
"If it's any consolation I wished you were here too" he sulked saying "I miss my wife"
"I miss my husband hurry back"
"As soon as I finish I'm on the next plane out of here promise" he told me before putting the phone down after we'd talked a lot more
Two days later he was standing on the doorstep, that killer smile flashing at me, as his eyes dismissed everything else in the room and focused on me, I really love this man I thought as I walked towards him, I couldn't wait either, smiling as we clung to each other. "Daddy" Silas shouted jerking us apart, as his voice acted like a giant bell for the others as the patter of tiny feet echoed through the house, Sam's face beaming for seeing the children.
We quickly got into family mode as dinner time, bath time and story time took place all very orderly with none of the mayhem that I had described a few days earlier, then suddenly an altercation between Sarah and Saul took place and Sam was surprised it was Saul that came away crying "Come on Son" he called to him his arms out waiting to console his Son
"No" he barked walking past him to find me in the kitchen, for comfort
"Why did he run to you?" Sam asked me as I walked out the kitchen with Saul in my arms
"He just needed a hug I guess"
"I could have given him a hug"
"I didn't say you couldn't" I looked at him almost offended telling him "What's up with you?"
"I'm just saying, I'm here he could have come to me"
"Do you want him?" I asked not really being up for an argument about this, especially after he'd been away for four days, I mean it wasn't as if I'd told Saul not to go to his Dad, I'd never do that
"Okay guys come on kiss Mommy, you're going to bed" he jumped up telling them all, they protested for about a minute before they read the no joking signs and followed him up the stairs and quietly went to sleep. At that point I knew something was coming, I washed up packed the children's toys away and made us a hot drink, maybe there was something happening at work that was causing him stress and he just needed to bounce it off me, I was ready to solve all his problems.
"Right" he dropped on the couch before grabbing his drink saying "I'm glad you know I need to talk" he smiled
"I'm all ears" I curled up on the couch leaning into him saying
"You asked what was up with me" he looked at me saying obviously testing the water "I think I was jealous" he smiled that embarrassed smile he had sometimes when he felt vulnerable "Maybe that's a bit strong, I was envious of the fact that our children favour you over me"
"But that's because I'm home all the time, you know they love you"
"I know they love me it's just …. I don't like that they love you more"
"They don't seriously, they don't" I looked at him saying wondering if this was the right time to bring my shit, I hadn't even thought it through yet when I heard it coming out my mouth "Actually I could say the same about you"
"What do you mean?"
"The time you get to be away being Sam, doing your own thing, having a life outside these four walls, I feel like you're getting on with your life while mines just standing still. It doesn't help that you're being rewarded for all your efforts in getting this ELLIE Award, I guess I'm envious of you still being able to be Sam while I'm plain old Mommy" I sulked, I actually felt messed up for my feelings
"I'm doing all that yes, but don't ever think I lose my focus, I do it all for everything inside these four walls, if I had to choose a place to be any time of the day or night it would be here, with you guys being Daddy, Sam, Mrs Evans' husband" he smiled back at me "You don't even know how hard it is to walk out that door every morning"
"I know how hard it is to watch you walk out that door" I smiled going in to kiss him "I miss you"
"I miss you too" he pulled me in telling me, as we went about trying to rectify this missing thing
End of Flashback
Maybe talking would help the situation but I'm not ready yet, Mercy rolled over on the bed thinking, let him stew. She heard the bedroom door open and closed her eyes pretending she'd found sleep, this wasn't finished yet. He was standing looking at her, then she heard the door close again and lay still for a while wondering if he was in the room, when she heard the stairs creek she knew he wasn't.
Devoted
He sat preparing to listen to Mercy's song on the radio smiling as the announcer built the song up, telling everyone about her Grammy's and talked about getting new music hopefully soon, he knew she was busy with all that stuff and wondered if that was what was going on for her. He hadn't stopped her from doing any of it, she was the one who decided she wanted to be around until the children were 4 years old and he didn't even want to argue with her about it, she loved being a Mommy she was a great Mom, wife everything, things were good between them his smile widened as he heard 'Happy' by Demetria McKinney blasting through the speakers quickly bringing him right back to that dreadful day in 2023, the children were just turning 4 they were preparing for their birthday party
Flashback
She'd just talked about releasing the song she'd written before she got pregnant, it had been written as an accumulation of our relationship, she was finally in that place again, I never forget, we'd just agreed she was finally going back to work, sorted out childcare and was in the process of getting comfortable with it all when up popped Michelle Bitch. I'm sitting in this living room, my family around me, we'd just done some shopping for the party and having some time before getting them settled for bed when the door went. I'd got all the children walking all over me so of course I asked Mercy to check the door "And don't forget to ask who before you open it" I shouted after her
"I have super powers" she laughed back at me
"Who is it babe?" I asked as she walked back in
"Michelle, she wants a word" she looked at me saying "With both of us" frost in her voice
"Michelle" I jumped up shocked that she was actually in our private space "How did you know where we live?"
"I got your address from work" she smiled walking past Mercy to give me a hug
"What they just gave you our home address?"
"Yeah" she smiled looking back at Mercy "I guess now there's three of us in this relationship that really doesn't matter, does it?" she looked back at me for the last few words
"What?" I asked I was gasping for breath "Three who, in what?" I asked as I watched her about to introduce herself to our children "Mercy will you take the children to bed?" I stepped in front of Michelle asking, providing a barrier between her and our children, Mercy didn't even answer, she almost ran across the room to grab the children and left the room "Michelle what the fuck are you doing in my house, telling my wife shit that isn't happening between us, we spoke about this already?"
"You want it to Sam, don't lie, we both feel this" she walked up to me like we were actually going to get into something
"We're friends"
"We're more than friends"
"No we're not, and after this little performance we'll be nothing"
"Don't be like that" she grabbed hold of my sleeve as Mercy walked back into the room "Mercy" she called as if they were long time friends "Sam doesn't want to be with you any more, he's here for the children ask him" she announced, I thought Mercy was going to pounce I just needed to get the bitch out
"Get out" I grabbed her arm pulling her across the room and almost throwing her out the door
"Are you sleeping with her?" Mercy asked as I walked back into the room, and I was so stunned that she'd actually had to ask me that I stumbled on the response "You did, you slept with her" she told me and walked out the room with not another word. The next thing I heard was things being smashed in the bedroom I eventually walked in to see her with blood on her hand, crying on our bed
"Mercy" I stepped over the broken glass to get to her "I'm not sleeping with her, I've never slept with her, I wouldn't do that"
"So why didn't you answer me when I asked?" she balled at me
"I was shocked I guess, that you could think that of me" I sat telling the the details of this friendship that had gone wrong and how I'd shunned Michelle's advances and now she was trying to take things to another level
"Swear to me" she looked into my eyes asking and I don't even know why I found that hard I was telling the truth, but I felt like our relationship was entering another level if she couldn't believe the words that were coming out my mouth without some oath
"Mercy I'm not going to swear to you, there's these things we have called trust, respect, love and if you don't believe me then you don't believe all those things about our relationship" she went into the bathroom and didn't come out for hours, I knocked the door a few times and she told me she was alright and I had to trust that was true. The next day we didn't speak and that was difficult, I had a mad day at work speaking to Philip about the situation, it took a while but she eventually got the sack some five hours later. Mercy and I took a while to get things back on track and of course she asked for time to regain the trust thing, then three evenings later I walked into our home to see her standing with flowers in her hand
"Hi" she smiled, handing me the flowers "We made promises, we devoted our lives to each other, we've made a life together and I know you love me, I love you back, and I wrote you a song" she smiled grabbing my hand as we went to the studio where she stood and sung me my song "I don't know what I would do, do without our love, you make me happy, and without you ain't enough, I love you, with all of my heart" I listened to her tell me with conviction as we smiled at the familiar feelings, we didn't even get to bed that night
End of Flashback
"I don't know what I would do" he sat singing, wondering how he was going to get back to that night, it was beautiful
Exuberance
Mercy went to the bathroom, she needed a cold drink but she wasn't about to walk past the living room and start world war three with the children sleeping at this time of night so, she settled for splashing her face with some cold water and sitting on the cold floor for a while before going back to bed "Seriously Mercy Evans, when was the last time you were friggin happy in this relationship?" she asked herself searching her mind, smiling as 2025 flashed before her eyes
Flashback
We'd finally decided to have a overseas family holiday, the children were 6 now and a lot more manageable, tantrums, bed wetting and continuous crying was over with, they'd grown up with school and stuff. Everyone was excited we were off to Europe, Spain particularly, for some sun, sand and different food, we'd booked a babysitting service for a few days so we could get some us time in. Our excursions were booked, meals were included, pool was private to our suite, because we, okay, I didn't want to put the babies in the sea, not yet anyway
We arrived and everything had gone great, the children were well entertained on the journey and the hotel didn't let us down either, there was lots to entertain the children with during the day and ample family friendly areas at night when we needed it. We were more than happy sitting in the suite at night looking out over the ocean drinking cocktails and talking about anything that jumped into our heads or even sitting in silence taking in the wonders of the world
"This is beautiful isn't it?" he asked on day two
"Absolutely" I smiled back bringing my glass up to touch his as we sat feet soaking in the pool, drinks in hand and children fast asleep "But I've seen enough sky, I guess we could all do with a early night" I told him a smile on my face, shocked when he pushed me in the pool "Sam" I came up shouting as I watched him splash in after me "I'm fully dressed" I splashed the water at him saying
"I can work with that" he came towards me smiling as he pulled the rather skimpy dress off my body, so I pulled his shorts off, and we had a bit of an x-rated pool party, I couldn't help but laugh the next day when he gave instructions for the pool to be cleaned, like it wasn't satisfactory or something
That first night we left the children with the sitters was embarrassing "So what credentials did you say this staff has?" Sam asked pure attitude in his voice as he spoke to the Manager on demand
"They will be looking after your children in a monitored environment during waking hours, and if you like Sir you can put them to bed yourself and they will check the children are asleep and well every twenty minutes by looking through the door Sir" the Manager told us obviously used to answering such questions
"I'm still considering" Sam finally told him opting to make sure the children were asleep before we went out and actually taking pictures of the sitter before we left for the last sitting that evening
Our second, and last, night out he demanded the same sitter and again we put them to bed before we left, the Melia Cala d'Or had everything you'd ever want in a holiday, we ate some beautiful native dishes before heading over to the clubs a treat for us, it had been a while since we'd actually been out dancing, considering we were only just early thirty's we were weird semi-young people
We got in the club and the music hit us, infectious like, as we both started moving as we walked "Drink?" he asked all I could do was nod, the music was so loud, after maybe the fourth cocktail each; we were buying down the list, and tasting each others drinks. Suddenly the thump of the music made sense to us as we bobbed around dancing crazy like we were in prom again doing our own shit, having some real let your hair down lively fun, then somewhere in all that madness 'Love' by Kendrick Lamar ft. Zacari came through the airways
I don't know who grabbed who first but I know he started singing first "Give me a run for my money, there is nobody no one to outrun me, so give me a run for my money sipping bubbly, feeling lovely, living lovely,
"Just love me" I sang back
"I do you know this" he smiled down at me as we slowly stopped moving on the dance floor as Kendrick sent his vibes out, there was nothing romantic about the venue; full of very drunk, trying to dance occupants, spilt drinks all over the floor holding your shoes to the black sticky carpets, dodging staggering people's drinks as they threatened to throw the contents of their plastic cup down your back, but we were there together, and feeling a vibe
"Keep it a whole one hundred, don't got you, I got nothing" I heard the lyrics jump out at me as I looked up to see Sam's lips coming towards me, everything stopped I wasn't thinking, I needed this moment it meant something to us, our lips touched and it was so sensual, meaningful and true I knew it, I opened my heart and took the love he'd passed over to me praying that he was feeling it straight back
"I love you back" he told me when we finally parted lips, I smiled at the fact that he'd felt it "I wanna be with you ay" he sang twisting me out of our hug as we went back to dancing the night away, we were supercharged that night it was electric
End of Flashback
That was some serious family time, we've had many more since that, twice a year actually, and truth I know he meant that and that he'd sing that just like that again today if I asked him to, why can't I just believe in our love? "You need to believe in this love Mercy Evans" she looked up seeing the beginnings of day light peeping through the window
Sorry
Sam had given up on sleep and finally went to check on their children now eleven, who were happily playing in their bedrooms, the boys playing yet another battle of the make believe galactic universe, while Sara was the prize princess they were fighting for. He'd decided that he preferred the noise of them to Mercy's silence and allowed them downstairs, he knew there was no way she was near ready to start talking and he could do without it, he was tired. He sat watching them sitting at the table eating their breakfast, trying to get into his, as he heard movement at the kitchen door and looked up, surprised when she smiled and directed it at him, he smiled back and dug his spoon into his bowl
"Morning" she beamed at the children, it was clear she'd had no sleep either, it was all a front "I love seeing my family together" she looked around the room saying, he still didn't know how to take that, he opted for quiet "Sam" her head popped up from the table over to the counter where he stood "Can we talk?"
"Sure" he put his bowl down and made for the door, his face presented as cool, calm and even happy, but that was for the children inside he was churning, she hadn't slept because she was up making a decision, she was at the D word last night, was this it? As he walked he was trying to come up with his next move, as much as she thought she was going to get away from him, that wasn't something he'd seen in his life and it really wasn't happening
"I just needed a word" she pulled the door shut as she turned to look at him
"Yeah" he mumbled pulling his bottom lip into his mouth biting the right corner of it with his teeth as he stood looking at her trying to second guess what she was coming with
"I was wrong to call you a liar, I should have believed you, you've never given me any reason to not believe you" she stood messing with her fingers as she watched them, he grabbed her hands and held them as she face looked up at him "I'm sorry" she sobbed as he pulled her to him and hugged her
"I love you Mercy, I love our life, family and I thought you knew that"
"I do know that I just got..."
"Mommy" Sarah came running out the kitchen saying
"What's up?" Sam asked as they both looked down at their girl
"I want to show you the card I made to cheer you up last night" she walked towards them saying "It's in my room" she grabbed her Mom's hand and pulled her off with her up to her room
"Back in a bit, we need to talk" she told Sam as she followed Sarah
Sam walks into the kitchen to see Mercy's phone vibrating on the kitchen table "Mercy" he shouted picking it up, but she was up the stairs already, he looked at the phone and was puzzled as to why his work was calling her, he looked at the clock on the wall it was still very early, he flicked it open
"Mercy" the person on the other end asked
"Hhmm" Sam said anxious to see what was going on
"It's just Michelle again, just calling to say Sam will be late again tonight, if you know what I mean" she giggled
"Michelle?" he asked over the phone "How did you get Mercy's number?" he asked as he walked back out the kitchen, looking back at the boys for a second to check before he left
"She gave it to me, we've been talking for ages" she giggled nervously
"No you haven't, why are you calling my wife?" he asked his voice raised "How did you get her number?"
"HR Sam I got it from HR where I work" she shouted back at him "What is wrong with you?"
"With me, bitch you're losing your job today, if it's the last fucking thing I do for that damn company" he told her before pressing the phone off before he dialled Philip "Phil" he shouted when he answered "Sorry I maybe need to calm down first, can I see you first thing?" he asked waiting for an answer "Great 10am on the dot" he looked up to see Mercy and Sarah coming back down the stairs
"Everything alright?" she asked as she got back to him
"We need to talk" he followed her into the kitchen telling her, the children seemed to take up most of their time as they stole glances and smiles at each other, Sam sat thick as thieves with the boys, while Mercy and Sarah took on some purple biscuit baking
"Right" Saul stood up saying "I guess that's sorted" he looked at Silas and Sarah saying as all three suddenly found something to do outside the kitchen "see you guys when we're ready for school" he smiled that Evans smile as he looked back at his Dad and hugged his Mom on the way out. Technically he was the baby of the three with Silas being the eldest, but somehow the other two always let him be the spokesman and truth, Silas was more like Mercy as a child, the quiet thinker, while Sarah was the one who was interested in art and all things extraterrestrial, Saul I guess was their childhood ultra-ego everything they'd have maybe wanted to be as children, outspoken, confident and bossy. They were a mix of Sam and Mercy, depending on mood, and except for Sarah's hair being about four inches longer than the boys there was no real difference, save for her dresses.
"Talk" Sam looked at Mercy saying as the door shut behind the children, walking over to the table, Mercy watched him sit before she made her way over and sat down too "I just answered your phone" he told her pointing at it on the table "Who was it?"
"I don't know, you answered it"
"I know you know who it was Mercy" his voice stern as he spoke
"Maybe Michelle?" she asked
"Maybe? actually yes, and I'm guessing that was what last night was about too"
"Yeah..."
"Mercy" his voice much higher now "We've gone over this so many damn times, I'm not that man, I'd never do anything to break up our family, I tell you every day I love you, don't you believe me"
"Yes I do and I just said sorry about that" she raised her voice in response
"I didn't know she was working at the company again, I guess Phil really doesn't have to tell me his every move, but I've got a meeting with him this morning and if she's not sacked I'm walking"
"Sam..."
"It's not up for discussion Mercy, I hated last night, I don't want any more of them, no jobs worth that" he grabbed her hand across the table saying "I'd go through anything for us but I need you to believe shit like this will always be a lie"
"I believe you Sam"
"I feel like you have a hard time believing that so I wrote you a letter, I just needed a prompt, I had time to think last night and I guess this is something I've never felt comfortable with in our relationship I just need to do it right so here goes" he pulled a sheet of paper out of his pocket as he walked round to bend in front of her
Mercy
It's been 15 years since we met back on the steps of McKinley High, a memory still fresh in my mind
Last night was painful, we've not been so distant for a while now, but still I need to say thank you for it
Because I went on a trip down memory lane and remembered us, in so many ways, every emotion was fresh, I relived us
Love happened in a flash, in a moment when our minds worked as one with each other telling us, without hesitation, that our souls needed to be together, telling us that the person we'd waited a lifetime for was standing right there in front of us
This is without question, how I've always felt about you, my soul lights up, I wanted to say these words all those years back when we sat in that cafe and I offered you the worlds worst ever proposal, it comes somewhat easier today, I can still be shy for you but about our love never
I love you with all my heart, I need you to be my soulmate, talking about my feelings for you I could go on forever but today I just need to hear you tell me those three little words that blow me away every damn day and take me to heaven every night
Because Mercy Evans I love you, will you be my wife forever?
"Sam Evans" she bent down to kiss him "I love you" she smiled as he held his heart "And you know I'm Mrs Evans forever" she went back in to finish the kiss "I have a song" she laughed dragging him across to the studio as they started singing along to 'Take it Back' by Babyface and Toni Braxton as they danced around the studio "Remember Spain?" she asked smiling
"Seriously, do I remember it?" he smiled
"There are many things that will test us, but we can win this fight if we just stay strong" they heard the lyrics jump out at them, she looked up to see Sam's lips coming towards her, everything stopped they weren't thinking, they were feeling, they needed this moment it meant something to them, their lips touched and it was so sensual, meaningful and true they knew it, opening their hearts to take the love being passed between them praying that the other was feeling it straight back
"I love you back" they told each other when their lips parted, smiling at the fact that they hadn't lost it
"I know we can get it back, take it back, and get back to, back to the way it was" he sang twisting her out of their hug as they went back to dancing "And the rest of that makes for great make up sex tonight" he kissed her neck saying, hearing the children coming down the stairs like a herd
Stress – Acceptance – Mad – Calm – Envy – Devoted – Exuberance – Sorry
The End