Published: May 14, 2020
Track 14: Questions and Answers
Human beings are known to be creatures of habit. It is extremely difficult to break bad patterns and equally challenging to develop positive ones. Regardless, Gar decided to make ten New Year's resolutions anyway. This was not the first time he was participating in the annual tradition. In fact, he had done it each year since he was a teenager. Was he ever successful in completing the challenge? Absolutely not, but that didn't stop him from re-attempting again and again. With great optimism, he scanned over the freshly written list before putting the notebook back on its place on his nightstand.
1. Wake up at 7 am every day, no snoozing allowed
2. Practice guitar daily
3. Write more songs
4. Call Rita and Steve more often (once/month?)
5. Start a monthly budget and stick to it!
6. Spend less time on phone
7. Get a six pack
8. Cut down on drinking
9. Keep room clean
10. Ask Raven out on a date
"New year, new me. Let's do this, Logan."
Gar went through the rest of his day with a pep in his step, positive that he would accomplish all of his goals. On Day 1 of 365, he was feeling hot and ready to take on the world. Initially, he hesitated to add the last item on his list, but a determined inner voice encouraged him to be brave and live in the moment. He was confident in his feelings towards Raven and he had a pretty good idea of how she felt too. Even if the sentiment wasn't 100 percent mutual, he was certain that he had a fighting chance. All he had to do was fess up and lay his cards on the table. How hard could it possibly be?
Later that same evening, Gar sat in the dining room of his heart's desire. New Year's Day was technically a federal holiday, but Raven was adamant that the Titans come over for a team meeting so they could start planning their tour. He was more than happy to comply, especially since his manager had chosen to run all future meetings inside her home rather than book the condo's conference room. He recalled his first impression of her place, when the gang had gone over for Christmas. He was a little envious that Kory had gotten a sneak peek ahead of everyone else, but that couldn't be helped.
It was exactly how he pictured in his mind's eye: sophisticated and grown-up; just like her. He particularly loved the fact that the entire unit was full of her unique smell, including the whiff that he got when he peeked into her bedroom. The walls were painted navy blue and there were crystals and candles scattered all over the place. He had also caught a glimpse of two heavy bookcases side by side, stuffed to the brim with countless novels. The last thing he saw before Raven closed the door was her plush, queen-sized bed. He wondered what the mattress would feel like on his back, with her on top of him...
"Earth to Gar?" Dick questioned. The band leader snapped his fingers in front of Gar's face in an attempt to wake him up from the inappropriate daydream.
Raven added in an exasperated tone, "As interesting as the barren desert of your brain may be, I'd appreciate it if you stopped wandering off and stuck with the group."
"Sorry, I must have gotten lost... In your eyes."
"You're not as slick as you think you are, Garfield," she scoffed. His name was pronounced like a threat and this made him sit up in attention. In the few times they had spoken post-Christmas, Raven had completely switched to calling him "Gar". If she was reverting back to his full name, she was definitely peeved. He would have to tread carefully from here. The manager continued, "As I was saying, one of the acts dropped out of the music festival, so I was able to swoop in and take the slot. We'll incorporate that performance within the rest of the tour schedule."
"We're going to Coachella?!" Gar exclaimed.
"If you were listening at all," Raven shot back forcefully, "you would have heard that I was referring to South by Southwest. You know, the multi-media event that takes place in Austin? It starts in the second weekend of March, but we're scheduled for the final day. As long as we're near Texas around that time, we should be okay."
She handed out a small packet of documents to each band member. The first few pages listed the details of a dozen venues, followed by a calendar for the month of March. At the very back was a highlighted image of North America. "I already started mapping out a route. Nothing is set in stone, but I'd like you to give me the go-ahead as soon as possible so that I can begin making confirmations with the booking agents."
"We're going to Canada?" Dick asked as he scanned the final page.
"Just two cities, but yes, that's the idea. The album went Gold there first, so it would be good for you to meet your Canadian fans. I hope you all have valid passports."
"Oh, how exciting!" cried Kory. "Can we go to Asia too? Perhaps the Japan?"
"What about Europe or Africa?" Gar added.
"Maybe in a few years, or after a few more albums," Raven replied. "We don't quite have the resources for a grand international trip like that. Canada is already pushing it."
"How long will we be gone for?" Victor casually wondered aloud. It was clear to everyone in the room that he was thinking about being apart from his fiancée.
"Just under a month," Raven said, directing everyone to turn to their maps. "We'll hit a new city every other day. That's thirteen shows total, including the festival gig." Gar tracked the route with his forefinger on the printout while Raven explained, "We'll start in Las Vegas, followed by Portland and Vancouver. From there, we'll fly to Toronto, then drive to New York, Miami, Atlanta and Dallas. We should arrive in Austin a day early for the SXSW festival, then continue to Minneapolis and Chicago. Lastly, we'll take one more flight to Seattle and drive the rest of the way back home to Jump City."
Gar practically shook with excitement. They were going all over the country, with two stops in the Great White North to boot! He particularly relished the idea of having the last show in their hometown. It was symbolic in a way, representing their journey coming full circle. He also revelled in the fact that he would be going on a month-long road trip with his best friends.
"Would it be possible for Sarah to come?" Victor requested tentatively.
"It depends," Raven replied. "I'm still in the process of hiring road staff. There may not be enough space on the tour bus."
"We're getting roadies? And a tour bus?! With beds, and a bathroom, and a kitchen, and-"
Gar was cut off by Raven before he could finish his eager ramblings, "-Yes and yes. The legs before and after the flights will be in rented vans, but between Toronto and Chicago, we'll travel by bus. However, we'll sleep at hotels each night. Thanks to your Apple endorsement, we can afford to indulge ourselves a little."
"Surely, there would be space for Sarah, no?" asked Kory. She gave Victor an encouraging smile which he reciprocated with a grateful nod of his head.
"Actually, there's one more thing. How would you feel about double-headlining with another band?"
Raven wasn't quite sure how the team would react to her proposition. The invitation had been extended by another acquaintance from Princeton who had completed his Master's a semester ahead of her. Like Raven, he was in the entertainment management business and his band released their first album just a few of months before the Titans did. When "How Long is Forever?" blew up on the Internet, he had sent her an email enquiring about a potential collaboration. With their tour on the horizon, she figured there was no time like the present.
The other band would be an excellent match. Their ska punk flavour was distinct enough from the Titans' alternative pop rock sound, which would avoid direct comparison. At the same time, their target audiences overlapped, guaranteeing bigger crowds at their combined shows. They were based on the East Coast in Steel City and had also gotten their own slot at the SXSW festival. If everyone concurred, the band would join them from Toronto to Chicago. With the five extra musicians and their manager, the tour bus would be at full capacity. Raven pulled up their YouTube channel on her tablet and played the music video for their lead single.
"Oh my! The bassist is very easy on the eyeballs," tittered Kory, not bothering to hide her blush.
"Maybe you can ask him about his fingering technique."
Victor giggled at Garfield's suggestive quip and leaned over to give his best friend a fist bump. Behind them, Richard scowled. The day after Christmas, he and Kory had gotten into another one of their lovers' tiffs. Kory kept Raven on the phone for several hours to cry about it, leaving the manager incredibly emotionally drained. Raven did her best to be supportive, but relationships were not her area of expertise. Throughout the meeting, she sagely bypassed the topic, but the other two men weren't pulling any punches. As the music video came to a close, she asked the group, "What's the verdict? Yay or nay?"
"I say yay! The more the merrier," shouted Garfield with a wide grin.
Victor seconded the motion, "Same here. As much as I'd love for Sarah to tag along, touring with another band sounds like a lot of fun. It would be great to make more industry connections too."
"I am also in agreement," said Kory. "What about you, Richard?"
A stoic expression had taken over the front man's face and he said nothing for a few moments. His eyes were hidden by the dark lenses of his sunglasses, but Raven could tell that he was thinking hard based on the wrinkle in his brow. "I don't think it's a good idea," he finally answered.
"Aww come on, dude. I was just messing around," Garfield half-apologized, patting him on the back. "I'm sure the pretty boy bassist is already taken anyway."
"I don't care about that," Dick said unconvincingly. "I just don't think we should share the spotlight with another team. Wouldn't it be better for us to do our own thing?"
"Regardless of whether or not they join us," intervened Raven, "I would still need to organize an opening band for your shows. You don't have enough material to fill a complete two-and-a-half hour set, even if you perform covers. Plus, it will be more cost effective in terms of the bus and equipment rentals. As your manager, I think it's a wise decision to tour with them."
"It seems that you have been outvoted, Richard," Kory remarked victoriously.
An acute tension between the currently "off-again" couple hovered in the air for the rest of the meeting. Raven felt bad that Richard had been steamrolled, but Kory was right. Majority ruled, so they would move forward with those plans.
The five of them spent the rest of their time dividing up responsibilities. Raven normally preferred doing this kind of thing by herself, but the sheer amount of work ahead dictated that she delegate tasks. Kory was put in charge of the merchandise design. The majority of tour profits came from merch table sales and Raven wanted to capitalize on that. Richard would help with the logistics of booking hotels and flights while Victor offered to research vehicle rentals. Finally, Garfield took point on organizing rehearsals and planning out the set list. A couple hours later, Raven adjourned the meeting. They agreed to meet once a week in person at her condo.
As everyone made their way to exit, Garfield lingered behind to help her clear the dining table. It was the first time they had been left alone in a room since Christmas morning. Raven flushed at the memory of the chaste forehead kiss and the thoughts that haunted her in the shower afterwards. In the week between Christmas and New Year's Day, she spent the majority of her waking hours trying to get the man out of her head. Unfortunately for her, she was wholly unsuccessful in evading him while she slept. Her dreams had gotten very creative as of late, leaving her both emotionally and physically frustrated whenever she awoke.
"Hey, um... There's something I've been meaning to ask you." Garfield rubbed the back of his neck shyly. Raven knew that the little quirk was an indicator of nervousness, which heightened her own anxiety.
"Yes?"
"I, um, uh, d-did you make any New Year's resolutions?"
Raven stared back at him blankly. She had a strong inkling that it wasn't his original question, but she wasn't going to call him out on it. "No. I don't see the point."
"Whaddya mean, don't you want to better yourself?"
"If I want to 'better' myself, I just do it. What difference does it make if it's in January or July? What about you?"
"I have ten."
"My, how ambitious of you."
"You know what they say, go big or go home!" he answered, chuckling a little too loudly. Garfield appeared to be extremely uncomfortable and unsure of what to say next. He closed his eyelids tightly and Raven sensed that he was having an internal battle with himself. When they reopened, they were lit up with conviction. He took a deep breath and declared, "Actually, I was wondering if-"
"-Raven, do you mind if I stay behind? I'd like to discuss something with you."
Garfield's left eye twitched. He looked like he was going to strangle Richard for the interruption. Raven, on the other hand, was relieved. She had an idea of what he was about to ask and she wasn't quite ready to give him a straight answer.
Once the other three band members took their leave, Raven offered Richard a seat on the couch. She brewed them each a cup of tea, using one of the blends that Victor had gifted her for Christmas. They sat without speaking and sipped on the cardamom-spiced liquid. After an appropriate level of tea in her system, Raven forged ahead. "If this is about Garfield and Victor's distasteful remarks earlier..."
"No, that's not it at all," Richard cut her off gently, "I wanted to thank you. You've been a great friend to Kory. I haven't seen her this happy for a long time."
"Oh," was all Raven could say back. She wasn't expecting their conversation to take such a turn.
"In fact, you kind of showed me up at Christmas. Your present was extra special. She was really moved by it and in comparison, mine fell a little flat."
"How so?"
"I got her a gift card." Raven tried to hide her wince, but the ever perceptive Richard noticed right away. He breathed a derisive chuckle. "Yeah, Kory reacted the same way. I was trying to be practical."
"She doesn't seem like the type of person to go for practicality."
He shrugged back lamely. "She felt it was too impersonal. Not thoughtful enough. I'm sure she told you all of this over the phone."
"Honestly, I could barely understand what she was saying half the time. It was kind of hard to hear anything over the wailing and I think she switched to Tamaranean at one point."
Richard laughed again, although this time, it was tinged with sadness. "That's another thing. She thinks I don't make enough of an effort to learn about her culture. Tamaran is an ancient civilization with a rich history and sometimes, it can be a bit of information overload. She's tried to teach me her native language several times but I just can't seem to get the accent right. Then, there's the traditional cuisine..."
"In your defense, it seems to be an acquired taste," Raven replied, injecting her voice with as much sympathy as possible. This was her first one-on-one conversation with Richard and she wanted to make it count. He definitely wasn't her best friend, but she felt a special affinity towards him. More often than not, he would express the exact same ideas out loud that she thought in her head. They were similar in their reserved quietness and she appreciated his voice of reason whenever the rest of the team got overexcited. And like her, she could tell that he didn't open up about his emotions very often.
"Kory made a huge sacrifice, staying here for me," Richard intoned in a whisper full of guilt. "The language barrier, the culture shock, being apart from her family... Sometimes I wonder if she regrets her decision."
"She doesn't," contradicted Raven immediately. "She told me so herself."
The band leader raised his sunglasses so that they perched on the crown of his head, then covered his face with his hands in shame. She could barely hear his muffled voice confess, "I'm not good enough for her. She deserves so much better than what I could ever offer."
Raven was hyper aware that they had just entered a touchy subject. She wasn't used to playing the "Love Doctor" and was terrified of saying the wrong thing. Mercifully, Richard continued his train of thought out loud. "I mean what kind of asshole makes his girlfriend wait five years just to get married?"
"Well why did you even propose in the first place?" Raven blurted without thinking. It was a question that she secretly held inside ever since she found out about their ridiculously long engagement. She instantly regretted the accusatory implication in her words, but there was nothing she could do about it now. Richard uncovered his face to give her a look akin to a deer in the proverbial headlights. Neither one of them had expected such a direct confrontation.
"W-we were young. Just a couple of high school sweethearts navigating college together. She felt like she was the only person putting in any effort, I was scared of losing her. I thought getting engaged would give her the reassurance she needed. But now that music is our full-time job, it makes our situation even more complicated. I'm worried that our rocky relationship will screw up the band, maybe even destroy it-"
"-Bullshit," Raven stated. Richard's wide-eyed expression shifted into one of shock. She didn't let him answer and repeated, "Absolute bullshit. The two of you are grown adults who can work through it. And if things really got that bad, Garfield and Victor care far too much for both of you to ever take it personally. Do you really have so little faith in your friends?"
Richard rapidly blinked back at her, completely shell-shocked. Slowly, he began to laugh again, but this time it was a bit more jovial. "Wow, Raven. You haven't gone off on me like that since the whole plagiarism thing."
She smiled back; they had come a long way since then. "Look, to someone on the outside like me, it's a simple question. Do you love her? Are you committed to being her partner? If so, why not get married?" she asked. "Personally, I'm not really sold on the social construct of marriage. But if I met someone who wanted it that badly and I was in it for the long-term... I would probably give in. Not out of obligation, but out of putting my partner's needs above mine. At the end of the day, it's just a piece of paper, right? And if you care for her that much, is it really that big of a deal?"
Richard nodded back with a pensive expression as he took in her advice.
"And if you can't concede..." she went on, "you truly are an asshole for stringing her along this whole time. Do both of yourselves a favour and break up, for good. If not for your sake, then for hers."
They went back to their default silence. Richard played with his mug while Raven awkwardly looked at anywhere but his direction. She had said her piece. It was up to him to decide how to move forward. He sighed deeply before finishing the last dregs of his tea and making his way to the front door. After putting on his jacket, he gave her a brief but no less affectionate hug. "Thank you, Raven. You're a good friend. Not just to Kory, but to me too. To all of us."
Richard let himself out, leaving Raven alone to ponder on the mess of a situation. She fervently hoped that he would figure out what he wanted and stop messing around. Kory had a special place in her heart and she didn't want to see her get hurt. A pang of guilt struck Raven, making her feel like a hypocrite. As much as she hated to admit it, even if it was only to herself, she had no idea how to reply to Garfield's unspoken question. She would be an idiot not to notice that he was interested in her. The whole charade was getting old, but she hesitated to make a move past the friend zone. He was a "boyfriend material" kind of guy, the type that was built for monogamous bliss. But what about her? What did she want? That was the million dollar question.
Across the city, Gar and Victor had long since arrived home. Currently, they played "Mega Monkeys: Boulevard Battles" in their living room. The ride back had been extremely tense and they both needed to let off some steam. Kory was uncharacteristically silent in the car. When they drove away from dropping her off, Gar wondered where Dick stayed during their periods of dissent. Would he still sleep in their bed, or would he get booted to the couch?
The guitarist involuntarily shuddered at the hypothetical scenario. As much as Gar wanted to get with Raven, he was sometimes grateful that he was single. Relationships were hard and complicated. Even his foster parents' marriage proved that point. The only truly healthy partnership he had witnessed was between Victor and Sarah. He remembered his roommate's attempts to bring his future wife on tour and joked aloud, "I know you're whipped, but bringing Sarah? Really bro?"
Victor responded with a killer combo, leaving Gar's virtual fighter dangerously close to being K.O.'d. "Of course I want her to come. We're engaged, why wouldn't I want her to be with me all the time? That's kind of the point of getting married."
"Seems a little clingy to me."
"Look at it this way; she's the most important person in my life. What's the point of fun and adventure if I don't get to share it with her? For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, and all that jazz."
Gar tossed his controller to the side when Victor won the round. He leaned back into the couch and rested his hands behind his head in a relaxed pose. "I still can't believe you're getting married, my man. It's wild."
"I know," Victor responded. He set his controller carefully on the coffee table before turning his attention to Gar. "What about you? You think you'll ever get hitched?"
"Well, I wouldn't say no. Especially if it includes a raging after party and celebratory sex on some tropical island."
Victor swung a pillow in Gar's face and groaned, "There's more to a marriage than the wedding and honeymoon, dumb ass."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm just messing around. But seriously, if I found my soulmate... Yeah, I'd want to get married. Two or three kids, a house with the white picket fence; I'd want it all."
"You think you missed your chance?" Victor asked, his voice suddenly turning serious. "You know, with Tara?"
"Nah," Gar said softly, shaking his head, "I thought she was 'the one', but looking back on things, I don't think we would have lasted. Even if she didn't ditch us for that Wilson creep, she probably would have left me anyway. You remember what she was like. She had that whole 'free-spirit' schtick. She never wanted to be tied down to a place or person for too long. I think she was scared of commitment."
"Sorry, I didn't want to bring up bad memories."
"It's cool. Honestly, now that you mention it, I haven't thought about her in ages. I think I'm finally over it. Besides, we have more exciting things on our radar these days."
"Don't you mean exciting people?"
"Say what now?" Gar glanced quizzically at his friend's sly grin.
Victor threw a second pillow at his face, but this time Gar caught it in mid-air. "I may be missing limbs, but I ain't blind, fool! You are clearly into Raven. She was right, earlier today. You think you're slick but you really aren't."
Gar considered denying everything, but he knew it was futile. When Victor Stone got a lock on you, there was no way out. The guitarist threw up his hands in defeat and said, "Yeah, I'll admit it. She's hot, what can I say?"
"Don't give me that phony Casanova crap. She isn't just a piece of ass to you. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that you love her."
Gar flushed at the words and replied defensively, "Whoa, hold your horses, partner. That may be taking it a bit too far."
"Whatever," Victor shrugged, "if you aren't into her now, who knows what being stuck together on a tour bus will do to you two lovebirds."
The two men took a brief pause from their conversation to re-organize their thoughts. Victor was happy to get confirmation of what he suspected all along and didn't feel the need to push any further. In the meantime, Gar ran through several scenarios in his mind, imagining what their time on the road would be like. In two short months, they would embark on a grand adventure, touring the country as a band. No, as a family. Raven was definitely family now, but he didn't view her as a sister. Not even close.
"...Do you think I have a shot?"
"With Raven?"
"No, with your mom."
When Victor smacked him on the leg, Gar rubbed the spot to diffuse the stinging pain. The larger man answered, "Maybe. I don't know, I'm not a mind reader. She definitely doesn't hate you, which is crazy considering how damn annoying you are."
"Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence. And here I thought best friends were supposed to support each other."
"Don't get all whiny now, I'm just being honest," said Victor sagely. "The girl's a closed book, almost impossible to read. What I do know is that she deserves someone who will take care of her. Someone who will treat her right and respect her, challenge her and help her grow. The million dollar question is, are you that person?"
Gar didn't know what to say. He had never looked at it from that perspective. The whole time, he thought about how wonderful Raven was and how awesome it would be to date her. Not once did he consider what he brought to the table.
"Whatever you decide, don't do it lightly," Victor continued. "If you're going to shoot your shot, go for it. But you better go all in. I doubt Raven is the type to mess around or have patience for people who half-ass things."
Later, in the wee hours of the early morning, Gar laid wide awake in bed. Victor was right. Raven deserved a person on her level. Someone who could keep up with her intelligence and wit. Someone who would praise her and support her rather than be intimidated by her. The woman was an absolute gem, a diamond in the rough. No ordinary man would be worthy of her love and affection. He repeated Victor's question over and over in his mind. Was he that person? Was he enough?
A/N: Hmmm, so many questions and not a lot of answers! I'm sure you've all figured out who the "mystery band from Steel City" is at this point, but we'll only officially meet them in Chapter 20.
I struggled a lot with the Richard x Raven scene. The *platonic* RobRae relationship is the most difficult for me to pin down. It's way more subtle than all of the other combos and I feel the least familiar with Dick's character.
Till next time, Lily Timbers
Replies to Guest Reviews
Eris: Thank you so much! It'd be awesome if they went to Africa, but for a band that's going on their first tour, I think it's a bit too far away :-( At the very beginning, most bands stick to 10-15 stops and don't go outside of their home country. Maybe in the future! Another costume party would be fun, but I already did one for the Halloween "episode" in Chapter 9. Thank you for your suggestions!
Walker: Awww I'm glad you enjoyed the fluff. Honestly that whole Christmas chapter was basically a cloud of cotton candy. Thank you for the support!
Guest: Thank you so much! Last chapter was probably my favourite to write so far, with the Halloween one coming at a close second. It was a lot of fun thinking about what kind of gifts they would get each other. Your message in French wasn't quite grammatically correct (that's Google Translate for you!), but I got the gist :-) Thanks again for your words of encouragement.