Published: May 24, 2020

A/N: Just wanted to make it clear once more that none of the lyrics in this chapter belong to me. I know it can be tedious, but please do read them! They were very intentionally chosen to parallel with all of the feels.

- Beginning of Side B -

Track 16: Stage Fright

On a regular day, Raven didn't mind driving; in fact, she kind of enjoyed it. She didn't own a car currently, but when she lived in Gotham, she would sometimes go for long drives into Upstate New York over the weekends. Watching the open road and scenery fly by was calming and meditative. However, all of her previous adventures had been solo trips. What could have been a pleasant experience turned into a tedious one as Garfield babbled away in the passenger seat next to her. Raven was only fifteen minutes into her driving shift, but she was just about ready to pitch the green-haired bozo through the window.

Victor had driven for just over three hours before they took a pit stop to eat lunch. It was Raven's turn until it was time to refill the gas tank, which would be in another three hours or so. During Victor's shift, she had kept herself awake by poring over her e-reader. As much as she preferred the touch and feel of real paper, there was no way she could physically bring all of the books that she wanted on their tour. At the moment, Dick and Kory cuddled up against each other in the second row. The couple was plugged into headphones as they binge-watched The Office on a shared tablet. Victor was completely passed out in the back seat with his legs propped up on the empty bench.

"What do you get when you cross a pig and a T-rex?" Garfield was already on his fifth straight animal-themed pun. Raven wanted to scream, but she restrained herself out of respect for the other people in the vehicle. She refused to answer any of his rhetorical questions. Instead, she concentrated on the road ahead of her and counted slowly from 1 to 10. "Jurassic Pork! Duh! Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?"

"Leniret animam meam," recited Raven in her mind. Usually, she only repeated the mantra when she was anxious or stressed. This time, it was out of pure impatience. Her temper began to burn away like the fuse of a bomb.

"Because they lactose! Get it? They lack toes?" The guitarist snorted at the punchline and slapped his thigh with mirth. Raven looked at him through the corner of her eye. How could she have ever thought that this man was attractive? Admittedly, he was handsome. Sure, he knew how to cook and was a talented musician. And despite his pea-brain, he was also passionate, kind, and incredibly thoughtful. But funny? No. Definitely not funny.

"Why was the bear a good fit for the job?" He paused for half a second before giving away the answer. "He had all the right koala-fications!"

Despite her best efforts to ignore his incessant talking, the know-it-all inside of her just had to correct his mistake. "Koalas are marsupials," Raven replied flatly.

"Oh, so you are listening to me!" he exclaimed. "Okay, so what do you call a-"

"Shut. Up. Garfield," she gritted through her teeth. There was only so much a woman could take before bashing her skull through the windshield out of pure irritation.

"Come on, Rave, you know I'm hilarious."

She took her sights off the road for a few seconds to give him the deadliest glare she could muster. The look of fear that passed in his eyes was enough to satisfy her fury. For now.

"Ugh, I'm bored! Booooooooooooored," he whined.

"Aren't you supposed to be navigating?"

"We're on the I-5 for the next century. There's nothing to do."

"I disagree. You could, I don't know, stop talking?" suggested Raven. "Why not sleep? Or play a video game?"

"I packed my Switch into the bottom of my suitcase," he cried, laying the back of his hand on his forehead dramatically. "I'm a fool."

"Now that's something we can both agree on."

"Can we play a game? I Spy? 20 Questions?"

"Absolutely not. I'm trying to concentrate on the road." From the corner of her eye, she saw him pout like a 5-year old. He glanced helplessly around the vehicle, looking for something to do.

"Can we listen to music?"

"Fine. But nothing too loud or vulgar. If I hate it, I'll make you change it."

He connected his phone to the van's sound system. Raven was a little worried that she basically gave him carte blanche, but at this point, anything was better than his Dad jokes. Garfield scrolled through his music library for several moments before finally selecting something with his finger. He must have been confident in his choice because he tucked the phone into the cup holder and leaned back relaxedly in his seat. Loud applause rang through the car. Raven moved to turn the volume down, but Garfield swatted away her hand and wagged a finger in her direction. "Back off, lady. I'm the DJ."

She would have given him another death glare if not for the familiar tune that played through the speakers. A heavy bass drum sounded, followed by an orchestra of strings, brass and wind instruments. A chorus of men vocalised with "aahs" before launching into the lyrics. The music was absolutely epic. Raven glanced over at Garfield to see his lips settle into a smug smile. She should have known that he would choose Les Misérables. She gave him a little nod of concession before returning her attention to driving. As the music played, he sang along with gusto. She might have found it annoying, but the clear, self-assured tone of his singing was literally music to her ears. Why did he have to have such a beautiful voice? It was a siren call, luring her further into the depths of the ocean.

She sighed to herself. The musical's soundtrack brought back memories of the first time she heard it and the awkward conversation that followed. The encounter had been uncomfortable, but she was glad that it happened before they left on tour. While they were unspoken for a long time, Garfield's feelings were quite obvious and she felt bad for not cutting him off sooner. She told him it was because of professional boundaries, but truthfully, there was more to it than that.

Raven was still unsure of what she wanted. She knew that she craved companionship and affection, but at the same time, she didn't know if she was ready to jump back into the dating pool. It was clear to her that Garfield was looking for something more than just a casual fling. To her knowledge, he hadn't been with anyone since they met. She initially pegged him as the type to be casual when it came to women, but he had matured in the last few months. He seemed to be propositioned quite often and it wasn't as if there was a shortage of fangirls chasing after him.

A heart full of love / A heart full of song

I'm doing everything all wrong / Oh God, for shame

I do not even know your name / Dear Mademoiselle

Won't you say? / Won't you tell?

Garfield passionately sang along with Marius, Cosette's love interest. The scene depicted their first real meeting after a reintroduction by Eponine, Cosette's adopted sister and Marius' childhood friend. The ballad was bittersweet. It was mainly a romantic duet between the two lovers, but Eponine was the third side of the love triangle and she sang by herself in counterpoint:

He was never mine to lose / Why regret what could not be?

These are words he'll never say / Not to me, not for me

Eponine was right. Why regret what could not be? When Raven told Garfield that she wished things were different, she was being totally honest. Even if they dated, it would eventually end in disaster. One day, he would get bored with her, or even worse, grow to hate her after seeing what a mess she was up close. If she could see into the future and guarantee that things would work out, she would have gone for it. But the risk was far too high. She cared about him too much and she was too scared of getting hurt. As she drove down the highway, Raven tried her best to ignore the ache that had emerged and settled in her heart.

After several hours on the road, the Titans finally arrived at their destination. In the first week of March, the Las Vegas weather was significantly warmer and drier than that of Jump City. Although it was the late evening, the sun was only just beginning to set. Gar stepped out of the van and stretched out his aching back. Their hotel wasn't located on the famous Las Vegas Strip but it was still very nice. The roadies' van pulled up next to them in the underground parking lot and the team began to unload their luggage. The instruments and equipment would stay in the vehicles for the time being.

The band and their entourage strode into the building with their suitcases trailing behind them. Once inside, Raven and Tim approached the front desk while the rest of the group hung back. After a few moments, the managerial duo returned to give everyone their key cards. Both couples would get their own room for privacy. The remaining men would share a double suite, with a pair of queen-sized beds in each room. This left Raven with a room all to herself.

"I guess being a manager has its perks, huh Raven?" commented Gar with a playful nudge.

She gave him a wordless, sideways glance before leading the group towards the elevators. Though he wasn't exactly expecting her to banter back, he was still bewildered by her passive exterior. Something was wrong, but he couldn't tell what it was. All of their rooms were on the same floor, although they were slightly spaced apart. Raven handed everyone a copy of the hotel's information pamphlet. "Here's a list of the amenities. There's a restaurant, a pool and a gym. You guys can get room service or order take out, but be reasonable with how much you spend. If you want to be reimbursed, keep your receipts. You're free to relax until soundcheck tomorrow afternoon. Rest up and have a good night everyone."

Raven turned down the hallway, presumably in the direction of her room. The rest of the group lingered in front of the elevators, discussing their plans for the evening. Since the boys had a joint room, Victor suggested that everyone come over to eat supper together. Once a consensus was reached, they went to their respective rooms to unpack and settle in before ordering food. Gar quickly chased down Raven to invite her, catching up just as she opened her door with the key card.

"Yo Raven! We're having a little picnic in our room with the rest of the gang. You down?"

"No, thank you. I'd rather be by myself right now."

"You sure?

"Positive." She spoke in her usual, emotionless tone, but Gar still had a nagging feeling that something was up. He reached out to give her a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder. Raven flinched at the physical contact, but didn't say anything or move away.

"Everything okay? You seem a little on edge."

"I just need to sleep. It's been a long day." She slinked inside her room and shut the door behind her.

Long after Gar left to rejoin the rest of the team in his room, he felt uneasy. There was a melancholic aura that had taken over Raven and he was worried for her. The feeling of dread stayed with him until the next morning when he woke up. He tried to shake it off by distracting himself with breakfast and a quick work out. As he pulled exercise clothes from his suitcase, he remembered that there was a pool on the upper floor of the hotel. Changing gears, he put on a light T-shirt and swimming trunks instead.

Gar emerged from the elevator on the second highest floor to see a large pool surrounded by glass walls. Through the glass, he spotted the Titans' power couple already splashing around. Just as he was about to turn the corner of the entrance, he heard Kory say, "Enough excuses, Richard."

"Kory, please-" implored Dick.

Gar kept himself hidden, not wanting to interrupt their conversation. He felt like he was intruding on something serious, but his curiosity won out and he lingered to eavesdrop.

"We became a couple when we were very young and that connection has never gone away. But we cannot keep doing this," Kory said firmly.

"What do you mean?"

"Start. Stop. Lovers. Friends. Then back again. We have to stop."

"Baby, if this is about the wedding-"

"Do you love me?"

"Kory, you know I-"

"Richard, you know very well what I mean. Not a someone you will 'always love' or who occupies a special place in your heart. Do you love me? In a way that means forever. In the way that we never have to find excuses."

Gar held his breath when Dick didn't answer right away. The guitarist had heard enough to know that he had overstayed his welcome, even if the couple wasn't aware of his presence. Were they even a couple anymore? They had broken up and gotten back together countless times, but there was a tone of finality in Kory's voice that implied they wouldn't bounce back from this one. Gar made a quick exit through a nearby staircase, not paying attention to where he was going. He found himself on the roof of the hotel, which was arranged like an open patio. Although there were several chairs laid around for people to lounge or sunbathe, they were all empty. He saw a lonely figure resting along the railing with her chin in her hands.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked.

Raven turned to see him walk in her direction. He joined her at her spot and leaned his back against the metal barrier that protected them from falling off the roof. Instead of answering his question, she replied with one of her own, looking pointedly at his swimming attire. "Aren't you a little underdressed?"

"I was going to go for a quick dip in the pool but I, uh, changed my mind."

"I see. Are you nervous?"

"For tonight? Not really, I'm more excited than anything else."

"Hmph, that must be nice."

Gar gawked at her in surprise and asked, "What, are you saying that you're nervous? Why?"

"There's a lot riding on all of the concerts, but especially this first one. Profits. Reputation. Critical reviews. If you guys flop tonight, who knows how the rest of the tour will go? What if the band totally bombs and you get booed off stage?"

"Well, I wasn't feeling worried before, but now..."

"Sorry. The whole point of coming up here was to get some fresh air and calm down." Raven inhaled and exhaled deeply in an attempt to soothe herself, but she continued to stare at the open sky forlornly.

"Hey, don't be nervous. Is this what was bothering you last night? Everything's gonna be fine."

"Do you know that for sure? You can't guarantee the future."

"Yeah but instead of moping, we can be positive about it. There's no point worrying over imaginary worst-case scenarios. Especially such gloomy ones."

"How can you be so optimistic all the time? It's almost annoying." She scrunched up her nose with distaste, but Gar didn't take it personally. He chuckled before smoothing his expression into a more solemn one.

"I've been through a lot. I told you about my childhood, right? It wasn't easy. And I guess, when you go through shit like that, other things in life don't seem as scary." He leaned over to throw a comforting arm around her shoulders. Gar might have been overstepping the boundaries a bit, but he didn't like feeling helpless when someone he cared about was in distress. He spoke softly into her ear, "And just because something is scary doesn't mean it's bad. In fact, I think you've worried enough about the bad. How about focusing on the good for a change?"

Raven only sighed and shrugged dejectedly. Suddenly, a lightbulb went off in Gar's head. He pulled out his wallet from his back pocket and rummaged through his coins to draw out an old, rusted penny. The copper circle had been filed into a rounded triangle to mimic the shape of a guitar pick. A thin leather cord was looped through a tiny hole that was cut out of the center. He took her hand and dropped the token in her palm.

"What's this?"

"My lucky penny," Gar replied, "I've had it ever since I was a little kid. The first time I performed in a musical, Rita gave it to me as a good luck charm to help with my stage fright. I would wear it under my costume and rub it whenever I felt nervous."

Raven brought her fingers up to the ruby pendant she always wore and touched it absentmindedly. "Don't you need it for tonight?"

"I'll be okay. And I think you need it more than I do anyway," he said while releasing the coin from her grip to loop the leather cord around her neck. "It's not as nice as your necklace, but it's never failed me once."

If they were dating, this would have been the perfect time to kiss her. But alas, they weren't, something of which Gar was reminded whenever they were together. After a quiet moment of sharing the view, they headed back down to their floor, the ruby pendant and copper penny clinking together softly as the pair walked side by side.

Hours later, the team arrived at the venue in their two vans. Tim and Conner moved instruments into the concert hall while Bart went straight inside to start setting up the sound system. Cassie was busy unpacking boxes of merchandise, which had been shipped straight to the venue. In the meantime, the Titans moved around on stage as they tested their microphones. There was tension between Richard and Kory, but Raven didn't have time to ask them about what was going on. Victor and Garfield teased each other in their brotherly fashion, laughing and smiling with excitement. In contrast, Raven was full of nerves. She had brought herself a travel mug of calming herbal tea, but it was doing nothing for her jitters. She reached for her ruby necklace, expecting to feel one of its smooth facets. Instead, she touched the rough texture of Garfield's lucky penny.

Why did he have to make her feel this way? Why did he have to be so damn charming and considerate? She thought that she could get rid of her emotions by suppressing them deep within her. But with every affectionate touch and caring gesture, her feelings for Garfield were becoming increasingly difficult to deny. In fact, they were growing stronger by the minute and it terrified her. She was scared of opening up and potentially getting hurt. But was she rejecting the positive emotions in her life out of fear of the negative ones? Maybe. Probably. She thought back on Garfield's advice on the rooftop. Perhaps it was time to learn how to take the good with the bad.

As she watched the team continue their preparations for the impending concert, Raven resolved within herself that she would tell Garfield how she felt, but only after the tour was over. Being his manager would complicate things, even though he had made it clear that he didn't care about that. If he was ready to take the risk, she was too. But starting anything now would be counterproductive as it would only be a distraction. She also doubted Garfield was subtle enough to keep things on the down low, especially since the entire team was living in such close quarters for the next few weeks.

No, she would bide her time. After all, it had taken her this long to finally let her guard down. In the grand scheme of things, a few more weeks of waiting couldn't hurt. If Garfield still felt the same way at the end of the tour, she would happily accept his feelings. And if not, his loss. Satisfied with her decision, Raven refocused herself on the task at hand. The manager stepped behind the curtain of the stage, ready to support her band however she could. This was their moment and she didn't want to get in the way.

Just like Garfield predicted, her worries were totally unfounded. The Titans absolutely rocked. A local band had played as their opener and did a great job of hyping up the crowd. By the time the Titans made it onto the stage, the audience was raring to go. The band members put on a real show, playing through the tracks of their album with high energy and charisma. To Raven's surprise, the hall was filled to the brim and almost everyone in the room sang along to the lyrics of their music. She remembered that the concert had sold out relatively quickly, but she hadn't expected such a loyal fanbase. At the end of the show, Raven helped the roadies who were being swarmed at the merch table. Branded t-shirts, posters, and water bottles flew off the shelves. With this level of fanaticism, Raven knew that it was important for the Titans to increase their audience engagement. She snaked her way through the crowd to go backstage where the band was taking a well-deserved break in the green room.

"You did a fantastic job, everybody," said Raven. "I know you must be tired, but are you willing to stay behind to meet some fans?"

Garfield was the first to react. He jumped out of his seat and happily proclaimed, "Anything for the fans!"

While the roadies packed up, the four band members went outside through the back exit of the venue. There, a large group of dedicated concert attendees were waiting with bated breath. They screamed with excitement when they saw the band arrive on the scene. Fans snapped selfies and requested autographs for their newly bought merchandise. After almost an hour, the crowd thinned out with only a few stragglers left behind. Although the Titans seemed to be enjoying themselves, Raven was glad that she wasn't an official member of the band. She didn't do well in large groups and interacting with strangers made her uncomfortable. She made eye contact with Victor, who also had fatigue written all over his face. He walked over to her and asked, "Can we go soon? I was hoping to call Sarah before bed and it's getting late."

"And I want to hit the casinos!" Bart interjected. The roadie team had just joined them outside after loading up the last of the equipment into the vans.

"Slow down buddy, you're not 21 yet," said Richard. "But yeah, Kory and I are ready to turn in too. Have you seen Gar?"

"I'll go get him," answered Raven, scanning the dispersed group of people for the elusive guitar player. She caught a glimpse of his neon green hair shining in the glow of the streetlights. A trio of pretty young things surrounded him. One of them played with his highlighted locks from behind, while the other two clung onto his arms.

"Oh my God, your hair is so soft. I could run my fingers through this all night long."

"Ooh, I want to feel it too!"

"Me too, what about me?"

"Ladies, ladies! There's enough of me to go around for the three of you," Garfield said with a self-confident chuckle.

Betrayal cut through Raven like a knife. She was pissed. Not because he was flirting with barely legal fangirls. Not because one of the insipid groupies practically buried his arm into her breasts. No, Raven was furious with herself for not realizing her feelings sooner. Now, she had to witness Garfield reap the benefits of being a rock star. She was completely aware that her anger was self-directed, but in the moment, it was so much easier to lash out. And boy, did she need to lash out. Without thinking, she stomped in his direction, ripped the good luck charm off her neck and whipped it at him.

To his credit, Garfield reacted quickly and caught the airborne penny before it struck him in the face. "What the hell, Raven?!"

"Have fun getting lucky tonight," she spat with contempt. "You can get your own damn self back to the hotel."

Without missing a beat, she turned on her heel and made an agitated beeline back to the van. The roadies had already left in their vehicle and three other band members were ready to go in the second one. Raven pitched herself into the front passenger seat and snarled at Victor who was sitting behind the steering wheel. "Let's go."

"Where's Gar?"

"He's occupied. We're leaving without him."

"Really? But-"

"Drive."

Gar stared dumbly at the license plate of the van as it drove away. They ditched him. He couldn't believe they ditched him.

"-So Gar, are you coming with us or what?" asked one of the women who had latched on to him.

"Sorry, I gotta go. We're on the road tomorrow and I need to rest." He hurried away without saying goodbye to the three very disappointed fangirls. It took him about ten minutes to hail a taxi and another twenty to make his way back to the hotel. He figured he wasn't far behind the rest of the group. In the span of half an hour, Gar worked himself up to a barely contained storm of emotions. More than being angry or confused, he was hurt. He was certain that Victor never would have left if he was aware that Gar was ready to go home too. Kory and Dick seemed to be out of it after their conversation in the pool, so he couldn't blame them either. No, he was pretty sure he knew who was responsible for the whole situation. When he exited the elevator, Gar bypassed his own room and went straight towards the culprit's.

BANG. BANG. BANG. He pounded his fist into the door, not caring about how much noise he was making. It creaked open to reveal Raven, who stepped forward to stand just outside the door frame. She had already managed to change into pyjamas and it looked like she was about to go to sleep. Her relaxed, indifferent posture made him even angrier.

"What the hell was that about?!"

She simply stared back at him and crossed her arms. The only sound he heard was the soft click of the door shutting behind her. She casually leaned her back against it, averting her gaze to stare at the ceiling.

"Nuh-uh, NOPE," he spat. "You don't get to give me the silent treatment. Answer me."

"I don't know what you're referring to."

"Cut it out with the passive-aggressive bullshit, already. It is seriously unattractive."

Raven scoffed back disdainfully. "It was never my goal to attract you, Garfield. I don't give a damn about what you think of me."

"Well I do! I give a damn, I care a whole fucking lot!"

"It's not my fault that you care so much about the approval of others. You were practically lapping up the attention back there, like a starved, stray dog. It was pathetic." The vicious remark pierced him at the center of his insecurities. Damn, she could be a cold-hearted bitch when she wanted to be.

"Oh, is that what this is about? You're jealous?! You have got to be shitting me!"

"I am not jealous. I'm simply calling it like it is."

Gar began to laugh wildly, but it was completely devoid of humour. "First, you didn't want to be my friend. Fine. Then, you pulled that stunt at Halloween, but you were drunk. Fine!" As his words got even more impassioned, Gar's voice bordered on yelling, but he didn't care. He didn't hold back any of his bitterness and released it in a frenzy. "And then, when I finally think I have a chance, you friendzone me. You can't keep toying with my emotions like this, Raven! It's cruel!"

A crack formed in her emotionless mask, hints of shame and regret peeking through. But it wasn't enough. He needed an explanation.

"So?" he asked hotly. "What do you have to say for yourself?"

She stared at him with wide eyes, her mouth opening and closing slightly. He could tell that she was struggling to express herself, but he held no sympathy for her. He had dealt with enough of her ambiguity and mixed messages. If she couldn't communicate honestly or apologize, it was her loss. Gar gave her a few more moments to redeem herself, but she had nothing to say.

"Fuck this. I'm out." He turned away to retreat to his room.

"Wait."

Her frail, timid voice rang out behind him. In exasperation, Gar squeezed his eyelids shut and breathed a heavy sigh. He reopened his eyes and turned back around to glare at her. "What do you want from me, Raven?" he pleaded, although his tone turned softer with sadness. "What do you want?"

"Gar, I want you."

As she moved forward and pressed her lips against his, Gar didn't see stars. He didn't feel a surge of electricity pass through his body. He didn't even hear fireworks. The experience wasn't mind-blowing or flashy, especially in comparison to their heated shouting match. Instead, the kiss smouldered with a slow, satisfying burn. It was a glowing ember, warm and soft. Gar clutched at her lower back while she wrapped her arms around his neck. He could hardly believe that it was even happening. He had waited for this moment so long, but none of his fantasies held a candle to the real thing. Their kiss deepened; the heat between them became more intense. He inhaled her sweet, enticing scent as their breaths grew hot and heavy. Her hands moved from the nape of his neck to entwine her fingers in his hair. His hands moved lower to graze the slope of her backside. Raven grasped at the doorknob behind her, trying to get it open. Gar was positive that she was about to take things inside, if not for the jarring "ding" of the elevator.

She pushed him away abruptly, turning her ear towards the sound of footsteps walking down the hallway. "Hide."

"Wh-what?"

"Hide!" She shoved him aside, silently motioning to a giant potted plant that sat at the end of the corridor. His flight or fight response kicked in at the panic in her eyes, and he clambered behind the pot just in time for the interferer to miss his presence. He peered through the leaves to see a tall woman launch herself into Raven's arms.

"Kory, what's wrong?"

"It's o-over w-w-with Richard," she sobbed. "Can I sleep here t-tonight?"

"Of course. Come on in."

When the door closed again, Gar slumped against the wall all by himself. He clutched his head in his hands and caught his breath. What the hell just happened?

A/N: 90,000 words and 16 chapters later... Y'all finally got what you came for. Fun fact: their first kiss was initially planned for the second to last chapter.

The animal puns at the beginning were from the Internet, I'm not clever enough to think of them on my own. The rooftop scene was inspired by the iconic BBRae moment in the Teen Titans comics (2003) Issue #100. And Dick and Kory's infamous pool scene is almost verbatim from Titans (2008) Issue #5.

Till next time, Lily Timbers

Replies to Guest Reviews

Vi: I know that you were hoping for Dick and Kory to "officially" get together... sorry to disappoint you with this chapter! Don't worry though, the drama between them is almost over.

Guest (Chapters 14 and 15): Hello there! It's so nice to hear from you again. I'm glad you liked the emotional tone of Chapter 14. I know it was a bit slow in the sense that it had very little BBRae interactions, but I hope Chapter 15 and this one made up for it :) I'm happy that you mentioned the angst wasn't too melodramatic. Honestly, I'm trying to avoid the whole "soap opera" thing. Thank you again for your amazing feedback. Stay safe and healthy too! Good luck with your summer courses.