Bittersweet
Sam and Mercy had shared 6 good years together, they were both focused on their careers and things had taken off for them almost immediately after they finished college. Mercy was into musical theatre and had a few Awards under her belt so much so she was in great demand, everyone knew they were onto a winner if her name was on the bill. Sam had dived into his Country music and he was hitting his targets and beyond with every song he put out, he was doing interviews, gigs all over the country, living the life, they were both high flyers. She was theatre and he was country out there, but when they got together they needed pure and dirty R&B to get their groove on, and each time was something different, but right now Sam sat on his couch trying to figure out when things actually changed for them.
Flashback
"Ladies and Gentleman we have Miss Mercedes Jones on the Show tonight" Andy the commentator announced as I'd grinned, our relationship wasn't out there Mercy was still very private, I'd insisted on telling everyone I was in a relationship at the moment, agreeing not mention her name.
I stood up as Mercy came to the stage, I knew my smile was a definite give away as I walked towards her for my hug "I missed you" I'd said in her ear before letting her go
"Me too" she told me smiling as she pulled out of my hold to go see our host "Andy" she smiled going towards him for a hug
"I'm getting it's been a while?" Andy asked looking at me as we fudged our way through the entire interview, smiling when the end came
"Starlight hotel" I'd told her as we walked off stage "Room 217"
It took less than 40 minutes for her to get there, she walked in to see the table set ready for their meal, the bath already filled with pink water and petals floating, rose petals all over the four poster bed, with candles in nearly every corner, her oils at the side of the bed, wine waiting to be sipped, white underwear waiting on the bed, strawberries dipped in white chocolate with sprinkled dark chocolate scatter across the plate on the side of the bath
"Wow" she looked around saying as I peeled her jacket off her and locked the door
"I got sushi for dinner I didn't want us to be disturbed" I smiled "Are you hungry?"
"Not right now, not for food anyway" she smiled as she watched me walk around the rather large room, throwing her jacket on the couch, blowing a candle out on the dinner table making the area dark, undoing my shirt as I stepped out of my shoes and towards the bath. She could feel my hands on her, my cold wet mouth on her nipple, she took a sharp breath, making me smile, I knew her
"Coming?" I asked bringing her back into the room
"Yes" she dropped her bag telling me as she too started discarding of her clothes and heading to the bath
We sat sipping wine and talking about our three weeks apart, each trying to justify why this life was necessary, and scared to say we were destined to leave again right after this one night together, feeding each other chocolate strawberries and creating the mood. Mercy got out first to put the underwear I'd brought her on, she smiled as she looked at the white satin and lace three piece, I had intentions of her getting her freak on tonight, and I knew I was going to be shocked at how freaky she could get. She sat on the bed oiling her skin and putting her pieces on as I sat in the bath watching her 'I wonder what song he has in mind tonight?' I saw her eyes asking
"Turn the pod on if you want to hear it" I shouted to her getting out the bath, she was as ready as I'd ever want her to be without my touch, I dried himself as I watched her walk over her breasts bouncing, her booty flouncing she was ripe, I licked my lips and stepped off to head her off before she got back to the bed "You look edible" I smiled as 'Takes Two' by K Michelle & Jeremih blasted out at us, Mercy laughed before she pulled my head down to meet hers and we were gone, into our own world where no one could reach us, we didn't want to be reached, we were home. We got round to eating our sushi at some point during the night before going back for yet another round finally falling asleep wrapped in each others arms when she stopped the music, the rules were simple things stopped when the person in control stopped the music.
"Mercy" I called trying to wake her up "Your plane" i whispered in her ear "It's 10 o'clock"
"I don't want to go" she whined
"Babe we go through this every time, please, this is hard on me too"
"Okay" she got up with a little less encouragement than I was used to having to give, I watched as she used the bathroom and got dressed "I got to go" she pushed her lip out and threw herself on the bed "I miss you already, we need to change something"
"I'll make that happen" I told her knowing there was no way any of us could commit to anything like that right now we were tied in
End of Flashback
If he had to go back and find where this relationship started going downhill he'd say it was right after that promise, he sat telling himself he should have never said it, she believed without conviction everything he said, she'd never doubt for a minute that it wasn't going to happen.
Flashback
That conversation took place two years previous, and as my agent had told me in the first place, take off for me was going to be fast, no sooner did I get my first EP out everyone was screaming for an album. I'd let my fans wait long enough and I was keen to get some of my 400 or so songs, squeeze the best one's out of them, and get them out there before my fans lost faith. I really didn't realise how much of my time that was actually going to take or that I'd be travelling around with a band, stage hands and everything else. I'd barely found time to call Mercy let alone find any time to spend with her and when we did it was a quick fumble before the rest of the crew came back, that was in between the drink nights that were wasted, I could have made an effort to go see or call her.
Then in the middle of all my drama Mercy got a big break and went to Canada for 6 months to do a show, we didn't even get to say bye face to face before she left, she called me in the middle of the night crying
"Are you going to come to Montreal to see me?"
"Babe you know I've got things going on right now, if the opportunity comes up I'm straight on that plane I promise"
"So that's a no then?"
"I said if things ease up"
"Okay I guess I'll see you on Twitter like the rest of your damn fans" she hissed and threw the phone down on me, I tried to call her back but in my heart I knew it was no use, she was mad and she had a right to be, but it just drove that wedge between us that much deeper
We'd called laughed about stuff that was happening and even cried about stuff together, she was about half way through her show when I finally told her my gigs were booked for the next 5 months and I wouldn't get there to see her show. There was a chilling silence between us before she finally started the conversation again
"What are we doing Sam, why are we holding each other back like this?"
"What do you mean?"
"We haven't actually seen each other for nearly 5 months, none of us are making the effort, I just don't think it's working any more"
"We're going through a rough patch, remember we talked about these times babe, I'm not ready to give up on us yet I still love you"
"And I love you Sam but … is that enough?"
"It's enough for me" I sighed, scared she was asking the question "You're just feeling like this because we miss each other, we'll get us back babe, I promise"
"I just feel like I'm in love with a memory of you, I really don't know who Sam the Country singer is do I?"
"You babe know the real Sam Evans, nobody else gets that privilege, and the real Sam Evans enjoys rocking his girls back out to some raw R&B remember that"
"Of course I remember that" she laughed "But Sam I'm asking again for us to get real about our shit"
"As soon as shit calms down, I'll make that happen"
End of Flashback
"So you still hadn't learned anything even then, you dug yourself this hole and put your feet firmly in it" he sat telling himself "Too many promises broken and she checks that shit" he looked up at her crying frame standing in their kitchen. She'd come home and things were strained to say the least, they hadn't touched for nearly 9 months and everything seemed alien to them the only thing they knew as true was shit was strange.
"Mercy" he got up walking towards her saying
"Sam I can't talk right now, I'm not ready to talk" she grabbed her bag and made to leave the house
"Mercy every time I try to talk to sort this out you brush me off, what's happening, talk to me?" he grabbed her hand asking
"What part of not talking don't you understand?" she dragged her hand away from him asking "I don't even want to look at you right now"
"Where are you going at this time of night?" he asked, letting her go, watching her walk out the door without answering him
"She'll calm down" he threw himself back on the couch saying, this was all his own fault, they'd been in the same house for two days now and even sex hadn't happened let alone a meaningful kiss but '9 months was a long time to go without touching your girl, it was reckless behaviour, then to make things worse, he wasn't finding time for her, but he'd sent pictures out on Facebook with him having a good time with his new friends and random girls, none of them his, but always around. Then he'd be at some event, and some girl would hang on his arm like she belonged there and although he knew Mercy would be thinking wrong things, because he couldn't bother with the argument he never called to explain. He knew he'd crossed a line when he changed my status to single and never told her about it, but he was taking advice from my Agent, she had to know in her heart that shit would never change' "How if you never actually told her that?" he asked himself
Mercy was on the phone to her girl as soon as she left the house "T I feel so alone right now" she cried
"Meet me at our wine bar, we'll talk" Tina told her, she closed the call and jumped in a cab to make the journey across town. An hour later they were standing at a table hugging each other "Diva" Tina said as they came out of their hug and sat down "Even I know that Sam loves you with everything he is, you guys knew this was going to be hard"
"T I hate to say this but I don't even know if the loves still there"
"What?" she giggled nervously "Girl you're trippin"
"Honestly" she looked up at her saying "I'm seriously anxious around him, that's never been us"
"That don't mean shit, just that you maybe missed each other more than you thought" Tina replied fanning it off
"I pick fights with him all the time when we're apart, he's talking and I'm not even interested enough to actually listen, I look at him and I don't see cute any more I just want to cringe, I cut his calls a lot of the time, is that missing him more than I thought?"
"So you've fallen out of love with him?"
"I think so, I don't even want sex with him any more"
"And what does he think about this?"
"I haven't told him any of this, because somewhere in the back of my mind, in my soul if you like, I can't lose him"
"So what, you don't want him, but you don't want anyone else to have him?"
"No it's just... well 9 months is a long time and I guess I learned to guard my heart and do without him and now I don't know how to let him back in"
"Your heart needs healing?" Tina laughed
"He knew I was on stage for 7 shows a week 6 nights a week and time off for me was impossible, I had a weeks holiday and he chose to be on tour, he was out having a good time with his fucking groupies, I don't even want to ask the damn question, I'm just so damn mad at him"
"Diva you guys talk about everything and anything, why can't you say this to him?"
"He stopped telling me he loves me, he changed his status to single on facebook without even talking to me about it"
"And that means?"
"I don't know what that means, is there something he can't tell me?"
"I just know that when it comes to you Sam's an open book, so he didn't say he loves you a couple of times, girl deal with that shit, he can have things on his mind too"
"Why are you defending him, I'm the one that's hurt here"
"You assume that but I know Green Eggs and Ham, and if you're hurting it's double for him"
"What am I going to do?"
"You guys have how long together now?"
"A week a whole damn week"
"Work your shit out, before I get the crew involved" she told her holding her hand up to attract a waiter "Two shots please" she ordered, when they came they threw them down, hugged and parted company
Mercy opened their apartment door to find Sam sat on the couch "Mercy we need to talk" he jumped up saying "I refuse for us to live like this, we've sacrificed so much of us for our career and I know I've said this too many times now but I need to make some change happen for us, I feel this thing between us slipping away and that's not part of our life plan"
"Sam" she rolled her eyes saying
"No, I know there are questions you need to ask and answers I need to give and all I can say about everything is I needed to cope" he looked at her telling her "I've never so much as kissed another girl since we've been apart, never even been tempted, I changed my status because Andy thought it would boost my album sales and I didn't tell you because I really didn't want to argue with you about anything, I cried to have to do that and it sort of made me ask myself how far I was willing to go for this career of mine"
"I... I'm scared the loves not there any more" she looked back at him saying
"What" he gasped "You don't love me any more" he stood shocked, if he was expecting anything at all it wasn't that
"I know deep inside I still love you Sam but I guess I needed to cope and I sort of blocked the feelings, thoughts, everything and now we're here I don't know how to get it back"
"We can work..." he walked towards her saying
"...No, you don't understand what I'm saying" she stepped away from him saying "I learnt to hate you for the way you've treated me and I don't know if I can stop hating you"
"You love me but you hate me?" he smiled "I get that with my reckless behaviour, I need to heal your heart"
"9 months is way too long to be apart, promise me that will never happen again"
"Mercy" he grabbed her hands pulling her towards him "I promised myself the next time I said this you'd be standing here right in front of me looking into my eyes" he grabbed her neck and tilted her head up to look at him "I love you so much, every now and again it hurts"
She smiled bringing tears as she tip toed up and kissed his lips lightly "I miss loving you Sam Evans so much I feel like I'm dying inside"
"Did I mention I was a heart surgeon, specialising mainly in the heart of one Miss Mercedes Jones?" he smiled asking him
"I guess I always actually knew that" she reached up for his lips again saying, this time he held her there "Sam" she pulled away from him saying "I'm sorry, I'm not ..."
"That's fine we can just hold each other I miss you in more ways than one" he let her face go and held her waist as they made their way to the bedroom, he left her undoing her hair while he filled the bath for her and put her oils in "it's ready" he came down the two steps telling her. He sat on the bed watching her as she stepped out of her underwear and climbed into the bath, threw her head back and closed her eyes, his mind already working on ways to fix their relationship.
"Thanks Babe" she hummed as she lay there thinking nothing and everything waiting for the water and bubbles to take all her troubles away
Sam would have usually got in with her but she'd said she needed space right now so he waited until she got out before he got in, he could feel her sitting on the bed watching him as he got undressed, it was making him want her, but this whatever it was that was going on for them right now was bigger than his sexual urge, he stepped into the bath and lay with his eyes closed trying to forge a plan.
The bath was cold and still no plan, Sam jumped out and grabbed his warm towel making his way to their bed to dry off, they never slept with nightclothes on when they were in bed together so he was pleased when he pulled the covers back and found her naked. He smiled and got in ready to pull her in and snuggle up, he couldn't guarantee sleep tonight but he was happy she was there, his hand grabbed her waist to pull her to him and he rested his head on her back when he realised she was crying
"Mercy" he leaned over to look at her "What's the matter?"
"I'm..." she cried louder turning to look at him "I'm sorry, I don't know why I feel this way, but could you not touch me right now"
"Okay" he smiled "I did say making love wasn't a thing for me right now, I'm alright just holding you"
"I mean I don't want you to hold me"
"Why?"
"Do I need to get up, do you need me to sleep on the couch?" she shouted
"No I can go sleep on the couch again if you want?"
"Just don't touch me"
"Okay" he threw the sheets off him and turned his back to her before pulling them back over him angry, he fidgeted around for most the night struggling against himself for the conversation he knew he needed to have right now, but not wanting to be the one to open this can of worms, eventually he was fit for bursting, he could tell by her breathing she wasn't sleeping either "Mercy" him sitting up shook the bed as he shouted
"What?" she lay still replying
"I can't do this, we need a break, figure out what's happening, we can't do that if we're in each others pockets, I've got a gig in Japan for two weeks, so I guess that's two weeks to figure our shit out, but I'm telling you, this isn't it, I don't want this life for us" he looked at her shaking shoulders telling her "So I guess I'm saying we're not a couple any more" he couldn't stand the hurt he threw the covers back, jumped off the bed and left the room.
Sam sat in the living room with the TV on crying 'How the fuck did they allow their life together to come to this' he'd thought they were solid, after everything the last thing he'd ever expected was for Mercy not to be in love with him any more. He'd felt sick when he felt her pull away from him as he touched her, but he'd never had dreamed it was how she was really feeling 'but she'd told me she loved me' he looked at the bedroom door thinking. Had he heard everything she said earlier was he missing something 'And for some reason you're not fighting hard enough for this' he told himself 'God we're not a couple any more and I did that'. He really needed to get away, he wiped his face dry and got up to pack himself some clothes he needed to do some serious thinking, he needed to know where his head was at, why the hell did he just do that
She heard when he'd walked back into the room knew he was packing, and cried harder when she heard the front door slam "Sam" she cried out so chillingly it was clear he'd taken her heart with him, but he was too far away to hear cries now, he'd finally taken the ball out of her court and left her, she lay there crying hard for what seemed like an eternity "I love you Sam" she finally told him jumping up at the reality of her feelings "But I hate you too" she picked her phone up and called him, throwing it down when his answer machine came on "You did that on purpose" she shouted at him through the dead phone laying on their bed, she heard a ping as she came back from the bathroom and picked her phone up thinking she'd missed his call to find a message
'I'm staying with friends, I'm off to Japan in 4 days and I don't want any contact until I get back, I need to think, plus we're not together any more' he'd wrote
'I don't want to split up' she wrote back
'But your skin crawled when I touched you, how do you think that makes me feel?'
'Sorry'
'Not cutting it, something's wrong, it's broke us, don't reply I'm done' his last words screamed out at her she fell back on the bed and cried some more, and stayed locked in the apartment for three days speaking to no one, not eating, crying and still sending unanswered messages begging for some attention from Sam until she knew he was off to his gig, thinking she didn't need to be messing with his head right now and fucking that up for him, she stopped calling, and sent him 'One Last Song' by Sam Smith.
Mercy
On day four her phone rang, she ran to pick it up "Diva" she heard Tina's voice on the other end "So I'm all unconcerned dealing with my business this morning, making Mike smile, when I get a call from Diva's boy telling me to contact you, what's up?"
"He's not my boy any more, he finished with me" she cried into the phone
"He did what?" she screeched "What the hell happened?" she gasped "Hang on I'm on my way" she told her putting the phone down
An hour later and Mercy was opening the door to Tina, still crying "I thought I'd gotten rid of every drop of water in my body" she told Tina as she fell into her arms "He doesn't love me any more" she sobbed as Tina held her
"Girl you know that sentence just sounds wrong" Tina told her making her giggle "What happened"
"I don't know" she let go of her and walked over to the couch saying "Well I do I just didn't think" she threw herself down saying "I asked him... no told him in a rather nasty way not to touch me" she looked at her hands telling Tina "He touched me and my body crawled and I pulled away and told him not to touch me"
"And then what happened?"
"He did as I asked at first and I lay there regretting it and not knowing how to pull it back" she wiped a tear from her eye "And then he just sat up and read it out, we're no working, we need a break so we're not a couple any more, he packed some things and left" she sniffled "I've been calling him, texting him, emailing him, using our private account but he won't reply to anything he's blocked me"
"Well I'll call him and you can give him a piece of ..."
"No T he's got this gig in Japan starting today and I don't want to mess with his head, this is big for him" she stopped her dialling "He's said we'll talk again in two weeks time so I guess or I hope I'll have found my heart again by then, plus it's Samcedes stuff"
"You know I'm here for you Diva but your right Tike don't call shit in Samcedes and visa versa so I'll listen and I help where you want but I'm not falling on sides
"I know I have to dig into myself on this one T but thanks for the ear"
"He's still thinking about you getting me here"
"I know" she smiled
"So he's back on Christmas Day and you guys are planning on having an argument?"
"I don't want to argue" she smiled "But I do need to think, have a reason ready as well as a damn decision"
Sam
Sam had left his house that morning and walked straight into Quinn's arms crying himself to death, "What's up?" she asked as he fell into her arms "Sam is Mercy alright?" she asked worried for the state of him "Puck" she shouted grabbing hold of the banister to keep herself up, looking worried when Puck arrived at the top of the stairs
"Jesus what's wrong?" he ran down the stairs asking Quinn
"I don't know I can't get him to talk" she told him
"Sam" Puck grabbed hold of him saying "What's wrong with Mercy?"
"I just finished with her" he gasped for air telling them, his heart ready to burst as the words came out of his mouth
"Come on" Puck said pulling him off Quinn and dragging him into the living room "You've got yourself into a damn state" he told him as Quinn walked behind them. She so wanted to call Mercy and check on her but everyone knew the drill, Sam had run to them so their loyalty lay with him. "Calm down" he put him on the couch telling him "Grab him a drink" he told Quinn as she stood almost crying herself for seeing him in such a state "Breathe" he told Sam as he sat waiting for him to calm down "So from the beginning, what happened?" he asked when he saw natural colour start to return to his face
"I don't want to talk about it" he looked up at him telling him "Sorry for coming so early but I couldn't think of anywhere else"
"That's fine, I'd be mad if you went anywhere else" Puck smiled "Get some rest we'll talk later"
"Don't tell her that I'm here" he told them looking from one to the other "I can't talk to her yet"
Later that day Puck sat waiting for him to open up but he said nothing just kept tapping into his phone all the while and eventually he turned it off, grabbed his head with his hands and cried some more. Quinn was out most the day after dropping the children to school and heading to work, in the evening when the house came to life Sam played with the children, helped get them to bed and sat looking at messages on his phone all evening, still no conversation. The next day Puck went off to work and Quinn did her usual thing leaving him alone, he spent the day reading Mercy's messages and wanting to just pick the phone up and tell her he was coming home, but in the back of his mind the fact still remained that something was wrong for them and they needed to work that out apart before they could ever think about being together again, if ever.
Day four he was getting used to these one way conversations and felt sad even when he read her final one wishing him luck in Japan and telling him she didn't want to fuck his mojo up so she wouldn't contact him for the next two weeks. He listened to her song repeatedly, said goodbye to Puck and his family and made his way to the airport, he took his phone out to put it in flight mode when his mind saw Mercy on her own and called her girl "T" he said when she answered sounding breathless "Your girl's having a bad time right now, I need you to contact her"
"Why what's up?" Tina asked concerned
"Just call her please" he asked cutting the phone off before he set the mode and got on his flight "Two whole weeks" he mumbled as he boarded "And this was your damn call"
Everything about this gig was so much bigger, there were like ten artists performing across the two weeks as standard with other Artists dropping in along the way, he was overwhelmed with the immensity of it all. He was being tapped by some big names, he looked at these world renowned Country singers around him and everyone looked as blown as he did, there was only one thing he wanted to do now, and that was call Mercy, he was so bricking it. "You can do this" he closed his eyes telling himself as he felt a hand on his back
"Sam" the female voice said as he opened his eyes "You'll be fine" she smiled "Selfie?" she held her stick with her phone on the end asking
"Sure" he smiled holding his usual fan stance surprised when she kissed his cheek and held it there for several shots
"Thank you" she said skipping off
He might have been the only one there without a damn stick as people regularly stopped stars asking for selfies, a few more nights in and under the influence of alcohol he'd had a blow out with some of the crew and ended up throwing kisses away and before he knew it those pictures were on social media and his fan page was blowing it up talking about new girl in his life, playboy mansions and kissing competitions, he didn't even know how to feel about it, to say anything would be admitting guilt and he wasn't so he left it
That night one of his favourite artist came on stage and he sat listening to him sing 'You Should be loved' by Hunter Hayes ft The Shadowboxers he listened to the words as his mind went back to a place he remembered as perfect
Flashback
Mercy had just started college and we'd split so really I had no rights in asking anything of her and of course she'd never ask anything of me we were on the other side of the world as far as distance was concerned I was in Texas and her in California. The difference was she was enjoying college, or so she'd led me to believe, she'd had one boyfriend at school, me, so when she got to college and other guys started seeing what I'd seen all along, she was lapping it up and I loved that for her, she was beautiful and everyone needed to acknowledge it and which guy didn't expect his girl to be looked at.
I just happened to be on a call to Blaine one day when I heard Kurt in the background telling someone not to cry "What's up?" I interrupted our conversation to ask
"With?" Blaine asked
"Kurt telling someone not to cry, what's up?"
"Oh, he's talking to Mercy I think"
"Mercy!" I shouted down the phone forgetting myself "Ask him if she's crying"
"Kurt is that Mercy crying?" Blaine asked
"Yes why, no stop she's having a moment, talk later" Kurt fanned him off saying
"Yes it's Mercy" he relayed back to me
"What's wrong with her?" I asked waiting for a informative reply
"Call her" Blaine shouted back at me "I thought you guys had split up?"
"Split up not broken up"
"What the fuck does that even mean?" Blaine asked while Kurt tutted him in the background for his foul language
"She's gone, thanks Blaine" Kurt shouted "And you Sam"
"Blaine I got to go, I'll call next week" I told him I had a mission, I couldn't sit back and know my girl was feeling like that. I had to call and make it good, I got back to my dorm, grabbed my guitar and called my girl "Mercy" I smiled when she picked up "I need you to know something, just listen" I told her, and I sat and sung this song to her and told her I loved her when I finished it "Have me back" I begged "We'll work it out, I just don't need you hurting, I love you it hurts when you hurt"
"Sam" she giggled I could tell she was crying "I love you and I miss you, have me back"
"It's official" I screeched "And I've decided I want to do Country so my life's planned I have everything I ever wanted in my life at this moment"
End of Flashback
Sam looked around to see if anyone was invading his private moment, he needed to be thinking about his future and leave the present to deal with itself, in less than 10 days his future would be determined and he was spending time drinking, partying and taking fucked up pictures with bitches that didn't even mean shit. His days were spent doing more thinking, practice and after his performances at night he'd find his room for more thinking, he was tempted more than once to call Mercy just to check in and hear her voice but he'd set the rules and him breaking them would indicate he'd made their minds up, but he hadn't, it wasn't his choice to make, she needed to want him.
Mercy
Mercy was trying her best to get on with life, she'd got a couple of scripts to read and a few auditions to hear back from, plus a few of the girls in theatre had decided to get together to make an album. It was only three days to Christmas, she'd already sent the presents and cards off to both families, as if everything was fine in their little world. She'd been out with Tina a few times, called Quinn, established that Sam had stayed there when he left and been told off by Rachel for being fucked up. She knew this current shit was on her but right now she couldn't help the way she was feeling, and no way was she about to be fake around Sam, she needed to deal and fast.
Quinn had invited Tina and her to some cocktail party, her colleague was having sort of a girls afternoon in the house, free booze was always a crowd pleaser, she'd put her favourite frock on in the hope it would make her feel good, kind of like an alternative to Halle Berry's feel good in that Monster's Ball film, and jumped in her car ready for the journey, flinging her purse on the passenger seat as she jumped in she rolled her eyes when all her make up fell out. She shut the door and went down to gather everything up, coming up she bumped her head on the glove box that had popped open when her head must have touched it on the way down. It was such a simple thing, she sat up rubbing her head and looking at the glove box lid before bursting into tears as she remembered
Flashback
We'd been going to meet his grandparents for the first time, we'd been together for nearly 4 years or so, just not long finished college and we were just starting to talk about maybe living together, Sam had just woke up on Christmas Eve and decided now I was in Texas for a hot minute we could visit his grandparents, so we'd jumped in the car and drove the 30 miles out to their ranch "They should love you but if they don't I'll slap them" he laughed making me laugh as we pulled up near the house
"How do I look?" I'd turned to asking him grabbing my purse off the floor between his legs to revisit my lippy
"Hold up" he held my head down saying "I keep telling you about this cover, you'll hurt your damn head" he closed the thing before letting me get up
"Thank you" I smiled kissing him for saving my head
"I've invested I need that head" he laughed cheekily
Minutes later we were standing at their door waiting for the shit to hit "Grandma" Sam laughed as he went forward to hug her "This is Mercy, I'm hoping she's the other half of me one day" he said so proudly his chest was fit to explode
"Mrs Evans" I stepped forward saying shocked when she slapped my arm, I looked at Sam, he was still smiling so I looked back at her and smiled, my head wondering what the fuck these people were as she pulled me inside. Honestly I was at 'Get Out' as I looked back at Sam again and he was still smiling
"It's fine" Sam grabbed my hand saying I went in met Grandpa Evans, had dinner and a very warm bed for the night, found out she slapped me because I'd called her Mrs Evans instead of Grandma, when Sam just told her I was going to be his wife soon. I cried when I left on Christmas night, they were my favourite people in the world after my family and Sam's parents.
We cried like babies nearly two years ago when they passed, just over a month apart, it will always hurt
End of Flashback
"But for that to just come back to me like that right now" she rubbed her head saying "Is fucking ridiculous" she wiped her face telling herself as she turned the mirror to redo her make up, watching her hand glide across the face doing its work she stopped mid flow "Shit we got engaged" she looked at the rock on her finger, she'd gotten so used to it being on her right hand instead of her left it had slipped her mind "Grandma's ring" she gasped
Flashback
We'd just finished dinner, that same visit, and I was helping Grandma wash up, watching Sam and his Grandpa in some deep conversation obviously about fishing that was all I ever heard him talk about whenever he mentioned his Grandpa, I smiled at the picture imagining Sam being as handsome as his Grandpa when we aged gracefully.
"So you guys are getting married?" Grandma asked me bringing me out of my daydream
"Yeah it's in the plan"
"I think it's in the stars" she smiled resting her head on my shoulder "I've fallen for you young lady, make sure our Sam knows your worth"
"I'm sure he does Grandma" I laughed
"Sam" she shouted through to them in the living room "Ask this young lady to marry you quick, I need her in this family" she laughed
"As soon as I get a ring Grandma" he laughed shouting back
"Is that what's holding everything up?" she walked into the living room asking, as I followed her a bit embarrassed for her putting him on the spot like that
"Yeah" Sam looked at me telling her "Everything else we need is in place" he told her still looking at me "Oh and I haven't officially asked her yet"
"Ask her" Grandma told him
"I will when I get the ring" he looked at his Grandma smiling
"Get on that knee and ask her" she ordered
"Okay" he got up to walk towards me as he kissed his Grandma in passing "I do this because I want to not because you asked old lady" he told her laughing as his grandparents sat watching their only grandson propose to me in their living room "Mercedes Jones, you know what this is between us and you know it's forever and everything else is dust, I wish there was a room big enough to hold all the love I hold for you, but I know it would take forever to build it, it has no bounds, barriers, depth or height just us and our truth" he looked into my eyes telling me I needed to say yes right there but he carried on "You have my everything, you are and will always be my everything, life without us is unfathomable will you agree to be my life mate, equal in every way for the rest of our lives?"
"Yes" I just about got out I was blown, I mean literally blown that someone could love another person that much, yet in that moment I knew our love was equal, I know he got up because my eyes were following his and we kissed but I don't know how long for but I know when we finally remembered grandparents and looked around they were standing hugging each other with a small box in Grandma's hand
"This is your birthright" she handed it to Sam saying, he opened it and gave me the ring, that fitted like I imagine Cinderella's slipper to fit her foot "Your Great Grandparents proposed here as did your Grandfather" she looked up at her husband smiling "And your parents, you came here for a reason today" she told us
End of flashback
"Mercy Jones you dare sit there and diss shit" she shouted at herself, flinging her make up and the ring in her purse before driving off to go meet her friends "I need a fucking drink" she told them as they met outside the venue, an uneasy guilt falling over her
"I guess it's start as we mean to go on" Quinn grabbed her one arm and Tina grabbed the other as they walked into the venue. They drunk enough to sink a ship it was only 5.30pm and they were rolling around drunk on this woman's patio, they didn't even know her as Quinn made excuses and went around telling everyone, her friends were going through bad break ups.
"I've got two days and I don't even care" Mercy finally told them as they sat letting the effects of the champaign flow out of their bodies "He's back in two days and I've yet again refused to look at the fucking hard topic" she looked at Quinn telling her "I've fucked my life up and what am I doing, drinking, parties, work anything to stop me from making a fucking decision about my life, our life"
"I can't help you with that Mercy" Quinn told her "We can't help you with that, it's our written law"
"I know but I need help" she rolled her eyes as Quinn and Tina looked at each other as they heard 'Jar of Hearts' by Christina Perri playing in the background "You have got to be kidding me" she chuckled "I refuse to have a record predict my life" she looked at them saying
"Fate dictates your life Mercy Jones just like the rest of us"
Sam & Mercy
Sam had been thinking, regardless of her decision he'd have to see Mercy again, and that would be painful, they had the apartment, bills, insurances, bank accounts, lives to disjoint, work out who they were apart and then find a way to be friends about this, they'd always said they'd want that in the event of a break up. This wasn't his life, it wasn't how he'd ever seen his life moving forward, he hadn't got a Plan B and he wasn't willing to get one for a long while from now if Plan A went to pot, he couldn't fall like this again and expect to come out of it unscathed, he was going to be damaged after this, he knew that already. He was back home tomorrow and then he hoped they were going to be honest with each other and sort this shit out, he did his last gig and he didn't even wait for the after party he was out of there and on a plane home, could he even call it that any more.
He opened the door to his apartment and sighed, it was empty just furniture and the smell of Mercy's favourite perfume telling him she'd been there all this time "Mercy" he breathed at the thought of never smelling her again. It was Christmas morning and except for the twelve or so presents under the tiny tree on the coffee table, there was no evidence of the pending festivities. He took Mercy's present out his case, put it under the tree and threw the case down, hung his coat up and went to the kitchen to make himself a drink, kicked his shoes off and turned the kitchen radio on, if there was ever anything that calmed them down it was music
"Sam?" he heard as he put the cup to his head
"Mercy" he spun round to see her standing in the doorway "You alright?"
"Well, I'm here" she sighed
"We need to talk" he reminded her "Do you want a drink?"
"Please" she dragged her scarf off and threw it and her coat on the chair nearby before finding an empty one to sit on "How did the gig go?"
"My heart wasn't there but it was alright"
"Sorry" she told him aware she was responsible for that
"It's fine" he told her putting the hot drink on the table in front of her before he sat down "So we had a few weeks" he looked at her saying "Was that enough for you?"
"I guess this conversation will maybe determine that"
"So have you made a decision?"
"I had no decision to make I love you Sam" she looked into his eyes telling him
"Mercy you cringed when I touched you, you asked me not to touch you and now you love me"
"I told you I hated you too" she looked at her cup telling him "And at that second I hated you, and I'm sorry"
"I don't understand"
"I didn't tell you everything about how I was feeling, I wasn't sure I still loved you, I was forever anxious around you and I don't know the reason why, I was questioning myself, my feelings, I mean I wasn't answering your calls on purpose, I saw the calls every one of them" she finally looked up at him pausing her conversation "I'm sorry" her eyes telling him she was genuine as 'You Should be loved' by Hunter Hayes ft The Shadowboxers came over the airways, and her eyes went back to focus on the cup "I wasn't listening to you, I mean at all, I was there but if you'd have asked me a question I really would have been fucked, everything was shutting down" she looked up at him tears falling down her face "I refused to be with you Sam" the floodgates burst as she uttered the words "I don't know what was wrong with me, I hated you because you neglected me"
"I neglected you?"
"You told me I'd always be your everything and you put people before me, you preferred to take pictures with bitches and go out drinking than to come see me for even one night and I thought, I know where I fucking stand and I put you way back there too" she hissed at him
"But Mercy..."
"Don't but Mercy me you promised me you were going to make time for us happen, well guess what?" she spat at him "It's never fucking happened Sam, I'm still at the bottom of that pile of shit you travel with"
"But you know..."
"How do I know Sam if you never tell me?" she stood up asking him "And I guess I got ready to stay good and mad with you for a long while from now and treat you like you're treating me but then we get these two weeks" she sat back down exhaustedly "And I dropped by purse in the car" she chuckled looking up at him "And I bang my head on the glove box on my way back up and Grandma brought me right back to that cloud I was on in Sam Evans world"
"Grandma?"
"Yeah I think the bang was instead of the slap she couldn't give me and I think I just made my decision"
"Which is?"
"What you got to say?"
"I guess I've known for a while that I've been breaking that promise" he rubbed the back of his neck telling her "Because as you know my career path has very much been dictating the speed of my life for a while" he picked his cup up and took a sip "I knew I couldn't make good on it and I guess I just tried to calm you down at the time in saying it, I know you believe everything I tell you because you love me and I love you back and that's how it should be, but on that occasion I abused that power and I'm sorry"
"I accept your sorry" she smiled, for seeing his cute again
"I was also thinking about a time past while we had our two weeks, coincidentally that song just came on again, I went back to that time when you started college and I called you and begged you to take me back, when we became glue" he smiled
"I begged you back"
"You did, I know you did that so you wouldn't have anything over me, but you've got everything over me, I still love you Mercy" he looked into her eyes telling her
"I love you Sam"
"I have a song" he laughed getting up to sit at the piano in the living room "I guess this is my decision" he said as he started playing and singing 'You Are The Reason' by Calum Scott
Sam
There goes my heart beating, cause you are the reason, I'm losing my sleep, please come back now, there goes my mind racing, and you are the reason, that I'm still breathing, I'm hopeless now. I'd climb every mountain, and swim every ocean, just to be with you, and fix what I've broken, oh, cause I need you to see, that you are the reason
Mercy (Sam)
There goes my hands shaking, and you are the reason, my heart keeps bleeping, and I need you now
If I could turn back the clock, I'd make sure the light defeated the dark, I'd spend every hour, of every day, keeping you safe
And I'd climb every (mountain) and swim every (ocean) Just to be (with you) and fix what I've (broken), oh, cause (I need you to see) that you are the reason, (I don't wanna fight no more, I don't want to hurt no more, I don't wanna cry no more, come back I need you to hold me) you are the reason (Closer now, just a little closer now) oh oh oh (Come a little closer) I need you to hold me tonight
Sam & Mercy
I'd climb every mountain, and swim every ocean, just to be with you, and fix what I've broken, oh, cause I need you to see, that you are the reason
They sat looking at each other across the room "I noticed you don't have your ring on?" he asked "Are you telling me something?"
"Yeah, I don't feel worthy until I know where we stand, if you even want me back"
"On a night much like this one, we stood in our grandparents house making promises to each other, I told you that this thing between us, for me, was forever and everything else was dust and I meant that, if this life isn't working for us we need to build ourselves a new one, but only we determine what that is" he got up from the piano telling her "I told you our truth was all that mattered, that you had everything and you were; I mean you are, my everything I told you without doubt, mixed messages or room for miss-interpretation that life without us, for me, would be unfathomable and asked you to be my life mate" he stopped in front of her saying "Do you have an answer for me?"
"Yes" she got up telling him "Always yes"
"Then please put your ring back on" she moved from in front of him to grab her bag and got the ring, walking back to him to show him she'd put it back on "And I'm not willing to hide this any more" he told her moving the ring from her right hand to her left as she stood and let him do it "Do you agree?"
"Yes" she smiled
"I'm going to do better, that really is a promise"
"So I guess, we're going to make some time right now?" she tilted her head at him
"By the end of this conversation we should have set a date" he walked off to set their bath, this make up session was well overdue, he sat on the side of the bath as she walked into the bedroom discarding of her clothes as she walked, by the time she climbed the two steps to where he was she was naked offering her self to him
"Hold that thought" he told her holding her hand for her to step into the bath and walked away to go put some of their music on
"There's something already set up" she shouted as she saw what he was doing "Just press play" he did as told and stripped on his way back to the bath stepping in on his end as they sat looking at each other water and bubbles between them as "When We' by Tank played around the room.
"I'm guessing I'm in control?" he asked as they listened
"You're always in control" she smiled "I'm sorry..." she started as he held his hand up to stop her
"We're fine right?"
"Yeah but please can I just say this one thing" she looked at him asking
"One thing" he warned
"All that stuff I said, that's on me not you, that was me putting me first like some spoilt brat, I need you to live your life Sam, you know that about me"
"I know" he smiled "But I heard you, and I will tell you more often and make time" he said resting his head on the bath pillow to let the water do it's job, that night he took control and they ended up finding sleep boxing day, when he was woken by a vivid vision of his Grandma. He turned the music off and sat in the chair watching Mercy sleep, smiling at her facial expressions as she dealt with her pain, searching the bed for him, too tired to open her eyes "Your pregnant" he told her as she slept
"Sam" she woke up several hours later shouting "Sam"
"What's up?" he came to the bedroom door asking
"I thought you'd … is everything alright?"
"Yeah fine, I'm doing us some lunch, Quinn called said we could do New Years Eve as theirs is that alright?"
"That's fine" she got up telling him, walking towards him "You turned me out" she grabbed his lips telling him "And I loved it but I'm glad the music finally stopped"
"You're glad?"
"Yeah, I'm sore"
"I could be aggressive, I can be a savage, I just need your blessing" he sung "You gave me permission right?"
"Right" she laughed "I know" she rolled her eyes telling him "Stop moaning"
"And you chose the song" he laughed
"What did you cook?" she asked changing the subject "I'll be out in a bit" she walked off towards the bathroom telling him, coming out to find dinner on the table and two glassed of juice "Juice?" she asked picking the glass up
"Yeah I thought we'd stay dry till New Year, I've had enough and I'm sure you and the girls have had a few blow outs too" he laughed
"Your right" she giggled sitting down to eat the meal he'd prepared
They opened present two days after Christmas, living between the bedroom, kitchen and bathroom for the four days until New Years Eve night "Let's go church" Sam announced when they finally got dressed "We've got time" he told her she was already looking at him strange for how he was wrapping her in cotton wool all the while, she assumed he'd taken her neglect thing to heart and was just pushing the boat out.
They had a hot drink, got dressed went to church and got to Puck and Quinn's for nearing 11pm "Thought you guys had changed your minds" Quinn said as she hugged them and took their coats
"We went to church" Sam offered "I just felt like going" he rubbed his hands together before grabbing Mercy hand and walking towards where all the noise was coming from "Hi guys" he shouted as they entered, glad to see Blaine and Kurt had managed to join the clan
Mercy was already hugging and Sam started when he finally let go of Blaine "A toast" Quinn shouted for everyone finally being there
"Oh can we have orange juice, we've given up till after midnight" Sam asked
"Planning on drinking the bar dry later?" Mike asked
"Something like that" he laughed as Puck came over with their orange juice
"Okay" Quinn said getting order when everyone had something in their hands "So we're really missing Rachel, Jessie, Artie, Sugar, Santana and Brittany this year but we know whatever they're doing right now we're on their minds just as they are on our, to friends absent and standing"
"To Friends" Everyone echoed
It's 15 minutes to midnight" Kurt shouted some time later when everyone was in conversation
"Mercy, can we just have a word?" Sam asked grabbing her hand and leaving the room "We maybe need to just go in" he looked around the hall "Here" he pointed to the guest bathroom
"What?" she looked at him as he grabbed her arm not giving her much choice but to follow him "Sam Evans you can not be thinking of ..."
"No" he laughed "There's no music" he rolled his eyes telling her "I just wanted to give you this extra present"
"Oh" she said looking into his eyes as she lifted her head in expectation of his kiss, he giggled and kissed her lips anyway "is that it?" she opened her eyes at his peck
"No this is it" he took the wrapped gift out his pocket "Unwrap it" he told her as his face lit up for her doing it
"Sam" she laughed when she found the pregnancy test kit "You want a baby?"
"Humour me Mercy do the test" he looked at her asking but telling her
"Sam I had my period, it's due next week"
"Please just for me, I had a message and I need to see if it's true"
"Seriously?"
"Seriously, and if you take any longer people are going to start to think things" he laughed
"Okay" she rolled her eyes taking it out it's box and doing what she needed to do
"So what was the message?" she asked as she set the test on the side of the sink to wait for the result
"The other night when we, made up, my turn you know?"
"Yeah"
"I was hell of a tired, but I woke up sudden like with Grandma in my head as clear as day, I sat watching you sleep for a while and somehow she told me, this had happened for us, I just thought it would be like, the best present for us, and I needed to go to church tonight to pray about it"
"Sam" she sighed "What about our..."
"Everything, I mean it, everything else is dust, a little us is for life Mercy" he grabbed her face telling her "Time's up" he looked at the stick telling her "What does one stripe mean again?"
"I'm not pregnant" she told him her eyes sad
"Then I guess we're pregnant" he took the stick up to show her the two strips
"It's too early to tell anyone" she panicked as they heard Quinn shout 7 minutes to countdown
"We won't tell anyone" he assured her "But if they guess I refuse to deny it" Mery laughed knowing that was probably going to be the second thing out his mouth "Come on lets go see this new year in" he wrapped the test back up and put it in his coat pocket on their way across the hall "Hey" he spun her round saying "Happy New Year Mommy"
"The happiest New Year to you too Daddy"
"Next year will be off the hook" he laughed as they made their entrance to everyone counting "It's too early" he looked at his phone telling them
"5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Congratulations" Everyone shouted as they looked at each other and laughed
"Thank you" Mercy replied
"How did you guys know?" Sam laughed
"Mercy not drinking?" Tina asked "Major giveaway" they all laughed
"Song of the year?" Blaine asked
"I say 'Nothing Else Matters' by Little Mix" Tina said as everyone burst into song
"10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 Happy New Year" they shouted when they finished, kissing and hugging
"By the way, we'll never have a last song" Sam kissed Mercy's forehead telling her
"Promise?"
"That's one promise I can keep"
The End