Published: June 16, 2020

Trigger Warning: This chapter contains mentions of emotional abuse.

Track 21: Mea Culpa

The concert was starting in an hour and the secretly dating couple still hadn't made up. The deafening silence between them was both on purpose and by circumstance. In Gar's mind, Raven was the one who had screwed up this time. When he saw her that morning at breakfast, he refused to start the conversation. He figured that she would apologize to him when she was ready. There were a few times when it looked like she was about to approach him, but inevitably, they were interrupted by someone or something. The tension between them only grew as the day went on. Gar tried to distract himself with the impending performance. They would talk eventually, but right now, he needed to focus on the show.

"Is this thing on?" Karen tapped the microphone in front of her. Everyone covered their ears as feedback echoed through the room. The rest of the Bees were scattered behind her, setting up their various instruments. Marco plugged in his electric guitar while Manny fiddled with the dials on his keyboard. On stage right, Garth tuned his bass and to the left, Roy sat behind his drum kit. Strapped to his shoulder was a long, thin pouch that was similar to a quiver. Instead of arrows, it contained several pairs of drum sticks. Apparently, he had a tendency to "accidentally" shoot them into the crowd, so he always carried extras.

While the Bees completed their soundcheck with the help of Tim and Bart, everyone else loitered offstage. To Gar's relief, Wally barely remembered what had happened the night before. At the moment, the redhead spoke animatedly with Victor, both men joking that they would never drink again. Kory and Dick were also in high spirits as they happily chatted with Cassie and Conner. The exception to all of this positive energy was Raven, who moodily sat by herself in the corner. Gar's resolve faltered and he considered just saying sorry for the sake of it. He still didn't think he had done anything wrong, but maybe his own apology would prompt something from her. Before he could act on this, the two managers gathered the entire group for a meeting.

"The Bees will open tonight, followed by the Titans," Wally announced.

"That's not very fair," Roy said with a frown. "Doesn't that imply that we're less important?"

"We'll alternate every other show. Next time, we'll go first and you'll close," replied Raven.

"And no partying afterwards, people!" added Wally. "As soon as the concert's over, we're going straight back to the hotel. We have a big day tomorrow."

Raven nodded and said, "Be ready to move everything onto the tour bus. The drive to New York City is only six hours, so we're scheduled to arrive in the evening. I'd like to remind you all to have your passports on hand since we'll be crossing the border."

Even though she didn't look in his direction, Gar suspected that the last statement was specifically meant for him. Maybe he was being overly sensitive, or maybe she was just being meticulous. Either way, he felt like he had been called out and that annoyed him.

The meeting adjourned and everyone moved to their places. The Bees prepared themselves to go back onstage while the Titans took a seat in the green room. Instead of staying with his bandmates, Gar opted to watch the opening set from the wings. Prior to the tour, he had listened to the Bees' music out of professional courtesy. Their album was excellent and Gar was curious to see how a live performance would compare to the recording. He could feel the concert goers' excitement as they trickled into the venue. The lights dimmed and the crowd cheered. Unlike the Titans, the Bees skipped over any sort of verbal introduction. They launched straight into their first song, the music exploding in time with the spotlights.

They began with their album's lead single, entitled "For Real". The track featured catchy synth, upbeat drums, rhythmic guitar riffs and a driving bass line. The true star of the show was the lead singer's grungy alto voice. Karen flawlessly delivered the song's tongue-in-cheek lyrics, which asked the listener if they took her seriously as the frontwoman of an otherwise all-male band. The chorus repeated the question, "Am I for real? Am I to your appeal?" It was obvious that Karen didn't actually care about what the audience thought of her. She commanded the crowd with the authority of a queen bee and her hive.

The ska punk band moved through their set with ease and Gar began to feel self-conscious. It was odd. The last time he felt that way before a performance was when the Titans played their high school talent show. Doubts filled his mind. The Bees had roots in the East Coast and the majority of the crowd was probably only there for them. What if they didn't want the Titans? What if they were disappointed that Karen and her team weren't taking over the whole show? As Gar watched from the sidelines, his confidence tanked. Everyone in the front row was wearing the other band's merch. The audience chanted the twins' names and a handful of bras were thrown at Roy and Garth. Gar observed them all with envy; Honey and the Bees would be a very tough act to follow.

"That was our last song!" Karen shouted. "We love you, Toronto!"

During the brief intermission, Tim and Conner rearranged the equipment and set up the Titans' instruments. Gar's unease shifted into stage fright. He brought a trembling hand to his chest and rubbed his lucky penny. What were those words that Raven had taught him? Lentil, animal, meow? He knew that wasn't right, but he couldn't exactly ask her. He jumped with surprise when someone grabbed his elbow from behind. "It's time!" said Tim. "You're on, let's go."

As he walked out with his team, Gar was overwhelmed with cheers and applause. Usually, the sound would give him a boost of energy. But tonight, it only added weight to the growing pressure on his shoulders. When he stared into the audience, he didn't see adoring fans. Instead, he was convinced that the hundreds of people were only there to judge him. Gar plastered a fake smile on his face and reminded himself to breathe. 1 hour... 60 minutes... 3,600 seconds. That was the length of their set. If he could just push through, he would be fine.

The first few songs went okay, but it wasn't too long before Gar's concentration slipped. He started singing half a bar early for "Betrayal", but he was able to play it off by humming instead. However, that little blunder snowballed and crushed his nerves for the rest of the show. He stumbled through his guitar solo for "Winner Take All" and during "Sarah", his harmonization was half a key too sharp. The confused looks from his band members didn't help either. Kory's brow was wrinkled in concern and Dick flinched every time he made a mistake. Gar didn't have the courage to glance back at Victor, but he could tell that his best friend was just as flustered. By the time they reached their last song, the entire team was offbeat. To his surprise, the crowd called for an encore anyway.

"Bring out Honey and the Bees!"

"Give us Honey!"

"Encore for the Bees! We want the Bees!"

Gar's heart plummeted to the floor. As the Titans walked off stage to be replaced, he wished he could disappear and teleport straight to the hotel. He anticipated a fierce chewing out from his team leader, but instead, Dick calmly pulled him to the side, asking, "What just happened out there?"

"I-I dunno. Off night, I g-guess," Gar replied shakily.

"Whatever it is, figure it out. You aren't yourself and it's affecting the rest of the team."

The guitarist nodded in response and rushed towards the washrooms. He felt like he was going to throw up. In the hallway, he bumped into the last person he wanted to see.

"Gar-"

"-Don't," he snarled, cutting Raven off. "Just leave me alone, okay?"

"But-"

"-You've been ignoring me all day and now you want to talk?!" he shouted. The anger and hurt from the night before came rushing back. He had totally lost his mojo and it was all Raven's fault. He would have been perfectly fine, but their argument had crippled his confidence. The rational part of his brain told him that this line of thinking was totally baseless. However, his bruised ego won out and he dug in his heels. Gar gave her a pained, withering glare and walked away.

For the second night in a row, Raven was plagued with nightmares. They started as they normally did. She first dreamt that she was late for some important event. When she arrived at her destination, she looked down to discover that she was stark naked. Her surroundings shifted so that she was drowning and couldn't make sense of which way was up. As she struggled to breathe, the dream transitioned to what felt like both a memory and a premonition. The scene played out like a movie.

It was Christmas. She and the Titans sat in a circle on the floor of her living room. They were in the midst of exchanging gifts and Raven was last to open hers. She picked up a small, rectangular box covered in green wrapping paper. With a grateful smile, she leaned over to kiss Garfield on the cheek. She unwrapped it slowly while everyone watched in anticipation. The box dropped to the floor and in her hands, she held a human heart. The still-warm flesh beat slowly, blood dripping out of the ventricles. Suddenly, it turned black and took on a glassy sheen. Raven's face broke into a wicked grin. She threw the heart to the ground and it shattered into a million pieces.

"Y-you broke it," whispered Garfield, before his voice turned into screams. "You broke it!" He clutched at his chest and keeled over. He screamed and screamed, his pain echoing through the room. The three other Titans stared at her with horror.

"How could you?" Kory cried.

"You're a monster," said Victor.

"Get out," Richard commanded while pointing to the door, "you're not welcome here anymore."

While Garfield continued sobbing, the other three pushed Raven through the exit. They slammed the door with such force that she was knocked to the ground. Instead of hitting the floor, her body fell into a black void. Falling, falling, falling...

When Raven awoke, her pillow was soaked with sweat and tears. It had all felt so real. She inspected her palms, almost expecting them to be covered in blood. With a shaky sigh, she threw herself out of bed and went straight to the shower. She scrubbed her skin raw, taking extra care with her hands. They were spotlessly clean, but she couldn't wash away the build-up of guilt that pervaded her mind. This is what happened when people got too close. Either they would show their true colours and break her, or she would show hers and break them in turn.

Two nights ago, her inner demon had fully emerged. Raven always knew that her vindictive, uncontrollable anger was her fatal flaw. Whenever she felt threatened or backed into a corner, her rage would inevitably come out. Regardless of who was right or wrong, Garfield didn't deserve that kind of treatment. The prolonged silence between them wasn't helping either. Obviously, he was still upset and she found herself desperately wanting to talk to him. However, the fear of rejection held her back. Raven stood by the fact that he had gone too far with his jealousy, but she had also crossed the line. She needed to apologize.

While the weary woman dried her hair, the clock read that it was 6:30 in the morning. She highly doubted that Garfield was awake, so she decided to wait a few more hours before seeking him out. In the meantime, Raven took the hotel-branded notepad from her nightstand and looked at the words she composed the day before. After their fight, she no longer trusted herself to keep her tongue or her temper in check. In order to organize her thoughts, she had written out her apology as a letter. As she re-read it, Raven dared to think about what would happen if this really was the end for them. They had dated for barely a week and already, things were falling apart. Initially, her apprehensions were centered around their working relationship. But now, she considered all of the consequences on her private life.

Belonging.

Garfield had no idea how much she wanted to belong to someone, just not in the way that he thought. Raven recalled how it felt when the Titans gave her that very first group hug so many months ago. It was a tender moment of acceptance that she cherished deeply. Over time, the band members had individually welcomed her in their own special way. Kory considered her as a best friend and the boys treated her like a sister. With a shudder, she recalled their faces of betrayal from her dream. Without a doubt, losing Garfield would mean losing them too. And putting their romance aside, she deeply cared for him and valued their friendship. In that moment, it occurred to her how much hope she had already placed in him. Raven's muscles seized in response to her emotional turmoil. Rolling her shoulders and cracking her neck, she realized that it had been several days since she had gotten a good stretch. Amongst the pile of her belongings, her yoga mat beckoned at her.

Contrary to Raven's initial guess, Gar was wide awake. At present, he was alone in the hotel gym, furiously beating a punching bag. His brow dripped with sweat and his breathing was heavy. He had barely gotten any sleep the night before due to being too riled up. His subpar performance was humiliating. The fight with Raven was still unresolved. Overall, he was cranky. If he stayed angry enough, it would drown out the pain. Rather than reflect on his own actions, Gar counted all of the reasons why Raven was at fault:

- She never listened

- She constantly put him down

- She was stubborn

- Cold-hearted

- Plain old mean

- Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera

With every addition to the list, Gar felt more and more justified in himself. Raven had accused him of acting possessive and jealous, but she had been totally dismissive and unsympathetic. She was the one being unreasonable, not him. His morning workout was briefly interrupted when the glass door creaked open. A familiar person strode inside and the two of them exchanged a nod of acknowledgement.

"Isn't it a little early for you?"

Gar only grunted in response.

"I planned on going for a swim, but Mr. Fish-Face was already in the pool. I didn't want to get between him and his muse," muttered Dick as he approached and held the punching bag in place.

It took Gar half a second to realize that his friend was talking about the Bee's bassist. Clearly, Dick hadn't forgotten that his wife found Garth "easy on the eyeballs". Gar laughed out loud at this, letting go of his grumpiness for a moment. The other man picked up a pair of boxing pads and led them in a sparring exercise. The drill reminded Gar of when they first became friends in high school. Dick was always on his case about keeping fit, not for vanity's sake, but for staying healthy. Sometimes, they would go for morning jogs and run laps in the local park. He was also the person who taught him how to lift weights with the proper form.

Basically, Dick was the personal trainer that Gar never asked for. Well, he was a lot more than that. Victor was the best friend who matched his immature tastes for pranks and toilet humour, but Dick was the one he looked up to, the man he admired and aspired to emulate. If Gar was being serious, Dick was the older brother that he secretly wanted his entire life. He was also very good at giving advice. With everything going on, Gar could definitely use some words of wisdom. When they paused for a water break, he started with an apology.

"Listen... I'm sorry about last night."

"It's okay," Dick replied and gave him an encouraging pat on the back, "like you said, we all have bad days. What happened?"

"Stage fright, I guess. For some reason, watching the Bees perform put me off my game."

Dick nodded sagely and said, "They're really talented, but so are we. There's no reason to be intimidated by them."

"Weren't you the one who didn't even want to tour with them in the first place? Something about not wanting to share the spotlight?"

"Huh, you've got me there. Still, instead of seeing them as competition, we'd be better off collaborating with them."

"I'm sure that Roy and the twins would love to 'collaborate' with Kory," joked Gar.

"Ugh, don't remind me," Dick groaned.

"How do you even deal with guys hitting on her all the time? It must happen a lot."

"Honestly, I just try not to get too worked up even though I want to," Dick replied with a shrug, "and anyway, Kory's got a much stronger right hook than I do."

"Come on, that's not a real answer."

"It's a tough question!" Gar opened his mouth to argue but Dick raised a finger to his lips and pointed to his temple, asking for silence while he thought about it. After mulling it over, he said, "It all comes down to trust. We've been together for almost a decade. Not once have I ever suspected that she was interested in someone else, or God forbid, that she was cheating on me. Therefore, there's no point in getting defensive."

"But don't you ever worry that some dude is going to come around and try to snatch her away?"

"Not really. I can't control what other people do and I definitely can't control Kory. I just have to trust that she'll stay faithful. She's mine and I'm hers."

"She doesn't get mad when you say stuff like that?" questioned Gar. "Doesn't she find it, I dunno, possessive?"

"What do you mean?"

"Saying that you belong to one another."

"I don't think so," Dick answered. "We say it to each other all the time, although that didn't come till much later."

"How come?"

"Well, it's kind of presumptuous to say at the beginning. Back in high school, we knew we were 'together'. However, the lines were blurred. Remember when I took what's-her-face to Junior Prom? Kory totally lost it."

"Oh yeah!" Gar exclaimed. "I thought she was going to rip that other girl to shreds."

"Technically, we were on a break... Kory got back at me by kissing that Japanese exchange student. But that's not the point. The real problem was that we hadn't set any clear boundaries. We never talked about what was acceptable and what wasn't."

"So how did you move past all of that?"

"A lot of self-reflection and owning up to our insecurities. Once we acknowledged our personal issues as individuals, we were able to deal with them as a couple. After all, you can't build a strong foundation on shaky ground."

"Hmmm, I guess that makes sense," said Gar with his eyebrows scrunched together as he absorbed Dick's words.

"So, to answer your original question; these days, I refer to Kory as 'mine' out of pride and she does the same for me. I guess you could call that possessive, but to us, it's a sign of our commitment to one another." Dick's face broke into a goofy grin and he added, "Quite frankly, I'm perfectly happy with 'belonging' to her for the rest of my life. That's why I put a ring on it."

The two men briefly paused their conversation as they moved to the weightlifting area of the gym. Dick set up a bar with weights while Gar lingered on the side, ready to spot him. The former laid down on the bench while the latter stood with a watchful eye. After Dick completed his turn, they switched places. While Gar stared up at the ceiling and lifted weights, he could hear the door swing open. Otherwise, the room was completely silent, save for his own grunts of exertion. During the last set, Dick broke the silence. "So why are you asking for all of this relationship advice anyway? Got someone special in mind?"

Gar almost dropped the bar on top of himself. Fortunately, his spotter had quick reflexes. Unfortunately, Gar was trapped. An interrogation from Dick was nothing to sniff at.

"Geez, dude. I asked you to spot me, not put me on the spot."

"Answer the question."

"Sorry to disappoint, but I'm as single as a square of Kraft cheese."

"Well, you won't be alone forever."

"You don't know that."

The bitterness in Gar's voice must have betrayed him, for Dick gave him a worried frown as he took the bar from the guitarist's grasp and set it on the rack. Gar remained horizontal on the bench and closed his eyes. His arms were like Jell-O and he didn't feel like moving. He also didn't feel like continuing this conversation. Maybe if he acted unconscious, Dick would just leave him alone.

"What makes you say that?"

Gar muttered with a sigh, "Vic once asked me what I offer when it comes to dating. What are my strengths? What do I bring to the table? I was never able to give him an answer."

"Are you just fishing for compliments? If that's the case, I'm not biting."

"I'm fishing for the truth. I barely had any money before the record deal and I don't have much now. I still live in a dumpy apartment. I don't have a college education. I'm not particularly good-looking or jacked. Who would want to be with me?"

The question hung in the air and for several moments, neither man spoke. Gar was doing his best not to completely spiral off the deep end. He could only assume that his team leader was trying to put together some sort of pep talk.

"I don't know what this is all about," Dick finally responded, "and I don't think I can do or say anything that will make you change your mind. You'll need to figure that out on your own. But Gar, you should never measure your value by what you have, or what you look like. And don't ever compare yourself to others. That's a dangerous mindset to be in." With that, he picked up his things and walked away. If there was one thing about Dick that Gar could appreciate, it was his uncanny ability of knowing when to stick around and when to give people space.

With his back still flush against the bench and his eyes completely shut, Gar digested everything they had discussed. It was clear to him now that Raven was right. He had acted out of fear, not concern for her. He was mad that they were keeping things a secret because part of him wanted to show Raven off as if she were a prize he had won. Roy, Garth and Wally were never real threats, not to her anyway. Gar thought he was being protective but in all honesty, it was just a cover up for his insecurities.

On the outside, he put up the front of a man brimming with confidence. But deep down, he still felt like a little boy seeking others' approval. He had compared himself to others his entire life. As a theatre kid, he remembered being passed up on roles because somebody else did better at the audition. There was a time that girls would reject him simply because he wasn't cute enough, or tall enough. Hell, he even resented Dick at times. Gar felt like he could never measure up to his more successful friend. Dick was a natural-born leader and he was always so well put together. He also had an amazing partner who stood by him no matter what.

"Am I ready for this?" Gar questioned himself. "Am I ready for a relationship?"

He had gotten over Tara a long time ago, but he was still a mess. Setting aside his anger towards Raven, he really, really liked her. Frequently, he felt like she was out of his league. He could barely believe that she had even given him a chance in the first place. And due to his pig-headedness and impulsive nature, he had ruined it. He feared that they had reached the end before they had even gotten started. He wanted to be with her so badly, it felt like such a shame to throw in the towel now. Raven's rage and sharp insults still had to be addressed, but at the same time, his possessive behaviour was unacceptable. He needed to apologize.

The musician pulled at the hem of his shirt and wiped his face of residual sweat. With a groan, he uprighted his aching body and took a drink of water. The gym was deadly quiet and almost empty; only one other person was present. Her dark, medium-length hair was tied in a neat ponytail. She looked perfectly calm as she faced the window with her limbs outstretched. Currently, she stood in the Warrior pose, with her legs apart in a wide stance and her arms spread out on either side of her body. She held it for a minute before placing her palms together and resting one foot on the opposite thigh. Every movement was so graceful, it put Gar into a trance just watching her. He didn't dare make a sound. The woman sat down on her mat and crossed her legs into the lotus position.

"Are you going to keep staring at me, or are you ready to talk?"

When Raven first entered the gym, she saw the two men right away. They were totally focused on their respective tasks, with Garfield lifting and Richard spotting. She silently tucked herself into the corner and hoped that they wouldn't see her. Initially, she considered leaving right from the get go, but she really needed this time of meditation. And although she did her best to tune out their conversation, she couldn't help but eavesdrop. Halfway through her routine, she heard someone walk towards the door. She peeked one eye open to meet Richard's gaze. Raven could have sworn that his intense expression said, "Don't leave Gar behind, he needs someone to talk to."

Shortly after Richard left, she sensed a pair of eyes boring into her back. Considering that they were the only two people left in the gym, she deduced that it was Garfield. She thought about the lengthy apology that she had written down, far away in her hotel room. If she had known that he would be here, she would have brought it with her. It was too late for that now. Fighting every urge to run away like the coward she was, she said, "Are you going to keep staring at me, or are you ready to talk?"

Footsteps approached and Garfield sat down next to her. His body emitted a warm, damp heat. She might have been grossed out if not for the intoxicating smell that came off of him. His sweat mixed with his deodorant, creating a potent scent that was masculine, woodsy, and uniquely him. It took everything for Raven not to get distracted by this. She wanted to say "Forgive me", not "Take me now".

"How much did you hear?" Garfield asked, effectively breaking her out of her stupor.

"Enough. Richard was right, you shouldn't compare yourself to others."

"That's easier said than done. Especially for someone as dumb as me."

Raven cringed as his last words and muttered, "You're not dumb."

"Well, I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed, that's for sure," he replied with a derisive chuckle, "and last night's performance was a disaster."

"You are not dumb," she repeated, this time turning her neck so that she looked at him head on. "Case in point, your excellent songwriting skills. Your lyrics and compositions are top-notch. An idiot could never pull that off."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better," Garfield answered. He looked away and his shoulders slumped in dejection.

"Fine, if you won't believe me, take it from someone who knows what they're talking about. Did you know that when we first recorded the album, Virgil referred to you as a genius?"

"Really?"

"He told me that in all of his experience in the music industry, he had never met a group as talented or with so much chemistry as the Titans. And he said that it was all because of our secret weapon, you." Raven paused, letting Garfield absorb their old colleague's vote of confidence. Now was as good a time as any to apologize, so she went for it. "Gar, the way I treated you after bowling... It was wrong. I shouldn't have said all of those things about you. It was... It was-"

"-Cruel?"

"Yes, it was cruel," she nodded, then hung her head in shame. "I let my temper get the best of me and I-I lost control. I am so sorry."

"I forgive you." Raven's breath hitched at those three little words. They were so simple, yet so powerful. "And I need to apologize to you too," he continued, "because you were right, I was being insecure. I reacted badly because I felt threatened. I wasn't trying to control you or claim you. I'm sorry." He stopped to take both of her hands in his and their eyes connected. "I know that you aren't an object that I own. I know that you don't belong to me. I promise, I will never say that you're mi-"

"-Wait," she cut in, "I... I need to explain myself. There's something you need to know."

Raven looked away and bit her lip. Disclosing this part of her past had been a long time coming. Bringing it up was painful, but he deserved to know. Her hands shook slightly and he squeezed them, reminding her that he was there. Garfield was always there. The small gesture gave her the extra bit of courage that she needed.

"A few years ago, I dated a guy. His name was Malcolm. It was after my mother passed away, in my first semester of college. At the time, I didn't have any friends. I suppose I was reluctant about letting anyone get too close."

"Was? Not much has changed," said Garfield with a small grin. The soft brightness in his face and the way his fingers stroked her palms helped her relax even more.

"I've changed a little," she replied, matching his smile before turning serious again. "Anyway, when we met, it felt like I had finally found someone who understood me. I let my guard down and Mal eventually became my first real boyfriend. He was a lot of 'firsts' for me; the first guy to call me beautiful, my first kiss, my first... Well, you get the idea. He was everything to me. I was utterly infatuated."

Raven felt Garfield tense up. It looked like he was about to say something, but at the last minute, he decided to bite his tongue. There was a spark of jealousy in his eyes and she was worried that he didn't fully learn his lesson. To her relief, it passed. Sensing that he was calm again, she pressed on. "It started out quietly. Whenever we parted ways, he asked me to text him to make sure that I got home safely. It was sweet, protective even. But then, he wanted to know where I was going and who I was seeing. After a while, he forbade me from working with any male classmates in my program. One time, a professor paired me up with a guy and when Mal found out, he completely lost it. He accused me of cheating on him, which of course, I wasn't. After that, he would escort me to and from my classes. At one point, I even found him snooping through my phone. Things only escalated from there..."

Raven's speech trailed off into nothingness. She didn't feel the need to get too descriptive with the details. Thankfully, the abuse had never gotten physical. But that didn't make the experience any less unpleasant or emotionally disturbing. By the end of the relationship, she felt broken, like damaged goods. It had taken years of therapy and moving to a different city to fully recover from it. Raven was no longer traumatized by what had happened, but scars don't fade that quickly.

"That's awful... Why did you stay with him?" Garfield quietly asked. His initial smile was now completely gone.

"He convinced me that he was the best I could ever have. Without him, I was nothing. No one could ever understand me like he did. No one could ever love me like he did. He was mine, and I was his. Essentially, he owned me."

Garfield was at a loss for words, yet his face was full of emotion. When she talked about Mal, it looked like the musician burned with hatred, all for a person that he didn't even know. Right now, he appeared equally disgusted and heartbroken on her behalf. She saw the gears in his mind click into place; his possessive jealousy had aggravated old wounds.

"So when I said that you were 'mine'..."

"It brought up a lot of bad memories. When things finally ended between us, I vowed that I would never be somebody's plaything again."

"Rae, I am so, so sorry," Garfield said, his voice cracking with emotion.

"You didn't know and you weren't the one that hurt me," she replied while shaking her head. "It's over now, so there's nothing to be sorry about."

"Still, I feel bad."

"Honestly, what hurt the most was the feeling that you didn't trust me. By getting jealous, it's almost like you were expecting me to ditch you for those other guys. I told you I don't care about them, so why didn't you just believe me?"

"Again, I'm sorry. I was being stupid."

"I thought we established that you are not stupid," she answered with a firm tone.

"Well, I was acting stupid. You're one of the people I trust the most."

"Really?"

"Everything I told you about my biological parents? Not even Vic knows those details. And you seem like the type of person that would take other people's secrets to the grave."

"I would hardly call that a secret..."

"Well, that stuff is personal and... Painful, you know?"

Raven knew exactly what he meant. Dredging up the past was messy business. And apparently, so were relationships. Each of them had their own dark histories to deal with. Was it really the wisest move to go through all of this? That question was the elephant in the room and she felt compelled to bring it up. Raven released her hands from his and brought them to her face. She sighed into her palms and said, "Gar, what are we doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"We've been trying this for a week and we've spent half the time fighting. Do you really want to keep going? I know I'm not the easiest person to be with, so I understand if you want to-"

"-Rae!" Garfield interrupted. "You should know me better than that by now. I'm as persistent as it gets, there's no way we're ending things here. We haven't even gone on our first date!"

"You said the plane ride was our first date," she answered with an arched brow.

"And you said that it was a stretch. See? I do listen! We should go on a date, a real one."

"When? We're so busy with the tour and now that the Bees are around..."

He waved his hand dismissively and replied with confidence, "We'll find the time."

"I don't know..."

"You're important to me. This is important to me. And we make time for things that are important to us. Aren't you curious to see where things lead? If the first date is terrible, we can go back to being friends, no hard feelings. But we won't know until we try."

She was having a hard time arguing back. For once, Garfield was making clear, logical points. Raven brought her last doubt forward and said, "B-but... I'm a mess. I have all of this baggage. I have anger issues and I don't want to hurt you."

"I have plenty of issues too and I don't want to hurt you either. But are we really going to give up out of fear of getting hurt? That's what happens when you let people get close, it's inevitable. It can bring you tons of joy, but it can also bring you pain. To me, it's worth it. All we can do is try to maximize the good and minimize the bad."

Even after several months of knowing each other, Garfield still managed to surprise her. His hidden depths and unrelenting positivity were just a few of the reasons why she liked him so much. Raven said, "Wow, I think that's one of the wisest things I've ever heard you say."

"Don't sound too shocked. I am a genius after all." He gave her a cocky grin and puffed out his chest. His expression was so over-the-top that it made her laugh out loud. As they giggled together, she could feel the heaviness of their conversation lift from her chest. Maybe it could work.

"So what do we do now?" asked Raven. "How do we move forward?"

"Well, I think we need to add a few more rules to our little arrangement."

"Such as?"

"No more silent treatment."

She nodded her head emphatically and said, "Agreed."

"Admit it, you actually missed the sound of my voice," he quipped.

"I thought hell would freeze over first, but I guess not."

"Also, I'm not allowed to act like a caveman anymore," Garfield continued in a resolute tone. "If someone comes onto you, I won't get aggressive. Verbally or physically. I'll trust you to handle it yourself. But if ever you feel threatened or in danger, you have to tell me so that I know it's okay to step in. Does that work for you?"

"Yes, that's reasonable," she agreed. "As for me, I'll keep my temper in check and stop calling you names."

"Aw, that's okay. I kinda like it when you call me 'idiot' or 'moron'. They're basically terms of endearment at this point."

Raven scrutinized his wide smile, trying to gauge whether or not he was being totally honest. If they were to "minimize the bad" for one another, that included not contributing to his fear of being judged or humiliated. She had overheard enough from his conversation with Richard to know that Garfield had many insecurities. But according to her bullshit detector, he was telling the truth. Still, it wouldn't hurt to check. "Gar, if you're just putting up a macho front-"

"-In the context of a fight," he cut in, "it was brutal. But if we're just messing around, I really don't mind."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. I'll just replace those names in my mind for something a little more romantic. I highly doubt you'll ever call me 'baby cakes' or 'boo thang' in public." Garfield gave her a wink, which she returned with a light smack on his arm. "However," he continued, "I would appreciate it if you were more patient with me. I know I do a lot of things that annoy you on the regular and I'll do my best to change. All I ask is that you're a lot less savage and a little more patient. Is that fair?"

"I think I can handle that. You know what they say about old dogs and new tricks."

"Exactly! And between the two of us, you're definitely a grumpy, middle-aged bit-"

Raven cut off the teasing by pushing Garfield to the ground, but he caught her arm and dragged her down with him. They toppled over and landed on her yoga mat, Garfield's back on the floor while she straddled him from above. After such an arduous fight and even lengthier apologies, Raven felt like it was time to cash in the perks of their little "arrangement". She closed the gap between them and pressed her lips against his. It seemed like forever since they were completely alone in a room. A younger, more reserved Raven would have been appalled at her impulsivity. But this mature, sexually frustrated version of herself enjoyed the kiss to its fullest.

She imagined that the thin, foam mat was probably uncomfortable for Garfield's back, but he wasn't complaining. If anything, he was enjoying it just as much as she was. He clutched at her sides, roaming up and down in a slow, tantalizing way. Their kiss deepened when his tongue slid past her lips and all the while, his hands continued to travel along her body. His calloused fingertips grazed the skin just above the waistband of her pants, his touch making her shiver with excitement. A surge of boldness took over and Raven released her mouth from his, placing it by his neck. She dragged her tongue from the base of his collarbone all the way up to his earlobe. A strained groan escaped him, egging her on even further. The salty taste of his skin and the ever intoxicating smell of his body put her senses into overdrive.

"Oh my!"

The two of them jumped at the sound and snapped their heads to attention. A gaggle of giggling grandmothers stood at the entrance of the gym. They were outfitted in exercise gear and behind them was a red-faced hotel employee, who was presumably their workout instructor. "S-Seniors' Aerobics starts in 5 minutes, so if you, uh, don't mind clearing out..."

Raven quickly got up and apologized, while Garfield scrambled to pick up their things. As they scurried out of the gym, she noticed him very purposefully use her rolled up yoga mat to cover his groin. They waited silently by the elevator, still flushed with embarrassment. Once they were inside with doors closed, they took a breath, looked at each other, and burst out laughing.

"Man, that was hilarious, I wish I could tell Vic," Garfield chuckled, but then the smile dropped from his face. "Oh shit... Do you think they recognized us? What if they tell someone? We still have to keep things secret, right?"

"Yes, but hopefully not for long. Anyway, I highly doubt those old ladies listen to rock music," Raven replied coolly. "As for the staff worker, I think she was too mortified to notice. It'll be fine."

"Well, well, well," he exclaimed, "look who's laid-back all of a sudden!"

"You seem to be rubbing off on me."

"You seemed like you wanted a lot more than just a rub..." he replied with a sly, suggestive wink.

"Cool it, tiger. We haven't even been on our first date yet, remember?"

"Tomorrow, then."

"When?"

"Before the concert, silly," answered Garfield. "The itinerary said we have free time!"

"Well, well, well," she repeated, "look who's reading the itinerary now."

"You seem to be rubbing off on me."

"If you want more than a rub, you should buy me dinner first."

"So it's a date?"

"It's a date. We'll have to come up with an excuse to separate from the rest of the group. Between the two of us, you're the genius. So I'll let you figure it out."

She patted his cheek with a satisfied smirk. Garfield caught her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently. As they looked at each other intently, Raven felt arousal stir inside her once more. Before they could do anything else, the elevator doors slid open. Garfield accompanied her all the way up to the door of her room. He handed over her yoga mat and said, "Prepare yourself for the best first date of your life."

"Be still my beating heart," she answered sarcastically.

"I'm serious. When it comes to the Game of Love, I don't mess around."

He snuck one last kiss on her cheek and turned to head towards his own room. Love. Now that was something of which Raven didn't think she was capable. But as she watched him disappear down the hallway, she dared herself to hope.

A/N: I hope the apologies were satisfactory. "Mea culpa" means "forgive me" in Latin. They still have a long way to go, but they're getting closer to becoming a functional couple!

I've been alluding to it forever, but yes, her ex is Malchior. I am far from the first person to use "Malcolm" as his AU name, so I can't take credit for that.

Honey and The Bees' song "For Real" is inspired by No Doubt's "Just A Girl". I hope you liked that moment between Gar and Dick. Prepare yourselves for a lot less drama and way more fluff next chapter! Remember, Gar doesn't mess around ;)

Till next time, Lily Timbers

Replies to Guest Reviews

Guest: I'm all for girl power! That scene with the four ladies should be coming soon... This story is really about exploring relationships and character growth. The fight from the last chapter and them apologizing this time is a major turning point for them. Thanks for always reviewing! Take care.

Vi: In the TV show, it always made me laugh when Mas y Menos would get all lovestruck with Starfire, and Robin was just sulking in the background.