The Gift
Monday
Mercy sat in the Doctors surgery, everything a mist, trying to make sense of everything going on in her head right now, there was so much to digest and make sense of, she didn't even hear when the receptionist called her name for the first few times, everything seemed to be happening to someone else.
"Sorry" she jumped up saying when someone stood in her face
"Mrs Evans the Doctor will see you now" the receptionist smiled telling her
"I was in a world of my own, sorry" she smiled back before getting up and walking off towards the surgery, popping in to have her check and quickly getting dressed, she had to get to work
She was a PA at a law firm, she'd been at the job for just over 3 years after they'd moved back to Los Angeles to be near their family. They'd had more downs than up over the 8 years they'd been married, it had took it's toll and Sam was concerned
"Mercy you alright?" Tina asked as she walked into the open plan office late
"I'm fine, I just needed to go get my prescription" she replied sitting in her chair
"We'll do lunch" she told her smiling as Mercy nodded a yes and they got on with their mornings work
Lunch time came and they sat in the canteen eating their sandwiches and making small talk "We could carry on like this for the whole 30 minutes but I know something's wrong" Tina looked at her saying
"Nothing's wrong" Mercy looked up from her lunch box telling her "I'm fine"
"You're not fine Mercy I know you"
"I'm dealing with it"
"What?" she put her food down asking "What are you dealing with?"
"Never you mind" she looked up at her frustrated for all the questions
"You can get as mad as you want but I still know something is up, and that you're going to tell me" she paused "Or I could just ask Sam"
"Sam doesn't know yet" she snapped at her, and Tina knew
"Are you pregnant?" Tina asked, Mercy said nothing she just looked at her, the face telling her everything she needed to know "You are" she smiled grabbing Mercy's hand "Congratul... what up?" she asked as a tear fell down Mercy's face "So what's with the tears, why are you not happy about this?"
"I'm not sure what I want to do about it yet"
"Mercy you know what I'm going to say, speak to Sam you can make your minds up together" alarm bells going off for this happening right now
"I'm not ready for that"
"Mercy you know he's the only person you need through this, promise me you'll speak to him"
"I will" she told her unsure if that was ever going to be the case
Mercy got home first that evening, home was a three bed, two story detached in the middle of West Side Long Beech, Jenkins Law Firm was a good drive away over by Cherry Park but she liked the evening drive to clear her head and sometimes if she had the time she'd either sit in the park for an hour, depending on traffic or pass by their parents over in South Wrigley. She set about her usual task of grabbing a soothing bath before getting something prepared for Sam to eat when he got in, he was always ravenous.
Sam worked at Cabrillo High as a Coach and three days a week he'd be doing after hours training with the school team, he worked with what he had they weren't a championship team but their spirit was good and if he found anything in a child he worked with them encouraging them to see what he saw. Today was one of those days, Mercy got the washing out the machine and threw it in the dryer, opened the windows in the living room and kitchen to air the house out and went back to the cooking. 5.55pm and she was upstairs setting his bath ready for him to fall into before dinner, arranging the freshly washed towels and turning their bedroom music on, knowing he'd just be fit for bed when he got in, but she was going to try and tell him their news tonight
"Hi" he walked in the door at exactly 6.10pm smiling as usual, his face wouldn't show the hard time they'd had or were having it never did, it was like he set his face just before he walked in the door, then worked the little time he had before his eyes gave up on him, trying to make her laugh be happy or something
She turned and smiled as she watched him walking towards her "Hi" she leaned forward to take the kiss she knew he was going to offer "Good day?"
"Alright, I'm tired though"
"Grab your bath dinners nearly ready" she tapped his chest telling him
"I will" he grabbed hold of her saying "But first, how was your day?"
"There's only so much office bullshit you can listen to, and then you have to get on with work, I worked" she smiled making him giggle before kissing her nose and letting her go to find the bathroom
He walked in to her putting his dinner on the table and collecting him a beer and a juice for herself before sitting down to their meal
"Are you alright, you're quiet tonight I can't usually shut you up?" he looked up at her asking
"Yeah just a bit tired, too much sun I guess"
"We've got another briefing coming the end of the week, you can guess what the main topic of that's going to be" he rolled his eyes telling her
"Making the impossible, possible" she smiled a half smile, she really wasn't in the mood, this was the perfect opportunity so why wasn't anything coming out
"Yeah, little old me" he laughed
"You can do it, you're Sam Evans" she looked up at him his eyes smiling, begging her to be happy, how the hell could she rock his world now. They sat cuddled up in front of the TV for a short while before he caught her sleeping and they got up and went to bed "I made your sandwiches already" she told him as they stripped off and got into bed
Sam lay in bed, he was worried, Mercy had been quiet all weekend, the last time she was like this she'd ended up on high doses of medication for depression, but she'd promised him they'd moved on from that and up until Thursday last week everything was strained, now it was more than strained it was uncomfortable. Everything in him was telling him to confront it and get it sorted before it all reached to a depth they couldn't manage, but tipping the cart could be detrimental he was between a rock and a hard place, he turned to her and hugged her immediately opting to wait until she opened up about whatever this was, as long as she wasn't shouting and crying he could cope with a bad mood, her period was due to two days maybe that was it
Two hours later and none of them were actually sleeping, there was a tension in the air, unexplainable but it was there, she was tense laying beside him and no matter how he squeezed to reassure her it wouldn't go away
"Mercy are you alright?"
"I'm fine, just finding it hard to wind down"
"Me too" he turned her head to kiss her lips "Maybe we should help each other?" he kissed her again pulling her round to face him, she went willingly her hand grabbing his cheek as she pulled him in kissing him deep and wantingly, her leg creeping up his as their bodies began their natural fusion, it had been somewhere in the region of five months since she'd let him even get this far
"Sorry" she pulled away sharply saying
"What?" Sam looked at her asking, his eyes sad for her doing that "What's the matter Mercy?" he asked trying not to let his frustration come out
"I'm... I'm sorry Sam I can't" she jumped up out the bed saying, rushing to the bathroom not wanting to see the hurt and disappointment on his face, he watched her run off before he turned his back and hit his pillow hard before falling into it mad, there was only so much understanding a man had
Mercy stood in the bathroom, that familiar horror scene playing out in her head as she watched her insides being pulled out of her by what she could only describe as the devil child, eating away at her womb as its belly got bigger and bigger, she knew it was in her head but right that minute she felt like she was in the actual movie watching that happen to herself, she held her face and cried hard, Sam had just finished rubbing one out when he heard her crying and covered his ears, scared that they were going back down that dark road they'd spent two years in not so long ago
They'd tried for a baby after two years of marriage, he was doing well coaching the local baseball team and she was well on her way to getting her own studio set up, they'd given themselves that time and now they were ready to start a family. Mercy got pregnant almost straight away, the joy was indescribable, they didn't waist time telling the family and they walked out the surgery and straight into the baby shop and brought it's first romper suit. Just before the end of the first trimester she'd got pains called him out of work and they sat unable to do anything as the doctors tried stitching, bed rest and medication to stop it but the baby was determined to leave and after two weeks of being careful it left them anyway.
Neither of them were of any help to the other they were both broken, it didn't help that their families were calling every minute reminding them of their loss and what could have been, it took nearly a year to get over it as much as anyone gets over something like that, but they moved on. 18 moths later she was pregnant again, they didn't wait for any advise this time Mercy gave up her business and stayed in bed, they'd agreed it having a family was important to them, she ate the right foods, went to all her check ups and they refrained from having sex , anything to help the chances, they lost that one at three month just four days after the time they'd lost their first.
Mercy went into a spin, she was rambling a lot, walking the streets at night, hitting out at him, crying whenever someone tried to broach the behaviour she was displaying and finally, when she broke his finger hitting him with a pot, he ended up at the hospital, she was apologetic, so much so he got her to agree to see a Doctor she did and they diagnosed her with depression.
He didn't want her hospitalised so he gave up his job to stay home and look after her, that worked for a year but of course they couldn't last that way forever, they sold the house in Lima Ohio and went back to California to be nearer their families. He needed to get a job and in order to do that he needed help with looking after her and it was only family he could trust. He'd told Mercy it was because they needed to be closer to the family but he didn't think at the time she was able to understand that she needed help, she was getting better and finally 3 years ago she finally made a decision for herself again
"I want to go back to work Sam" she told him one day when he went to collect her from her parents house on his way in from work "I spoke to Tina, remember her?"
"Yeah, from up near Arlington?"
"Yeah she said there are jobs up at Jenkins near Cherry Park, I know it's a bit of a trek but I'd love to at least try to get an interview or something, I feel like I need to move on from this" she told him, he was smiling already the old Mercy was on her way back and he so missed her
"That's great, if that's what you want to do, as soon as you get the job we'll get you a car"
She'd got the job and she was happy, they both were, life was getting back to almost normal, she wasn't up for making love as much as they'd been used to post baby number two, but it was happening unscheduled still which was a plus.
Then just a year after she'd settled into this new life they'd created for themselves when hope hit again, they'd planned it, and they were being super clinical about it all, so when she started being sick they just knew she was pregnant. They hid it from everyone, careful not to jinx anything, she lay in bed for two weeks and one evening he came home to a blood filled bed and a rocking wife, he didn't need to ask, they just found their corners and cried it out, him covering his ears as Mercy screamed through the house "What the fuck is wrong with me" over and over again, he didn't have an answer, he didn't want one. He didn't waste time this time round he got the Doctor in and she was back on a higher dose of her medication before the day was out
"Are you alright?" he asked when he felt her sit on the bed
"I'll be fine, I'm sorry Sam, I'm trying to ….. I'm sorry" she slumped on the bed unable to get out what she needed to actually say
"It's alright, can I hold you?"
"Would you, please" her voice begging as he turned and pulled her in, even in this state he'd be totally broken if she was ever not there, they lay listening to the radio in the background as they found sleep to the sweet smooth sound of 'Everything I Own' by Ken Boothe singing a love song, telling Sam's story
Tuesday
"Sam" Mercy nudged him saying "Sam we're late" she nudged him again jumping up and dragging the covers with her to wake him up
"What" he jumped up at the cold air hitting his body
"We're late get up"
"How the hell are we late?" he sat up asking, rubbing his eyes before jumping up to make a b-line for the bathroom
Mercy brushing her teeth while Sam used the latrine, before they swapped places while Sam turned the shower on and they both jumped in, quickly washed up and grabbed their towels and exited for the bedroom to get dressed "Five minutes" Mercy huffed as she left the bedroom leaving Sam drying his hair, she ran downstairs, grabbing his bag as she ran through the living room to pop toast in the toaster and put their sandwiches in their bags
Sam grabbed his watch, switched the radio off, grabbed the dirty towels and underwear and made his way downstairs grabbing his jacket as he walked through the hall and into the kitchen "Morning" he pulled her away from the toaster saying landing a kiss on her lips and threw the dirty items in the wash basket
"Morning" she smiled "Sandwiches are in your bag I put an extra packet of something in to say sorry for last night" she told him as she buttered his toast watching him gulp down his half of their cup of coffee "Here" she picked up the two slices and gave it to him "And have a nice day" she kissed him saying making him smile as he walked off towards the door
"Mercy" he stopped at the kitchen door saying "You can talk to me any time, you know that right?"
"I know that Sam, but I'm aright honest"
"Okay" he smiled "Hurry up you're going to be late" he smiled at her before he walked out the door and eventually out the house
Mercy stood watching the toaster, as tears trickled down her face, how the hell did she get herself into this god awful mess, what in the hell was she thinking, why the hell would she want to put herself through this again. She stood holding onto the counter crying loudly, Sam didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve any of it, she was being selfish in making this happen they'd both been through enough
"I don't have time for this" she told herself wiping her eyes as she took her toast out buttered it and wrapped it in foil, put the washing in and turned it on before taking a last sips of her coffee and heading out
She rolled her eyes as she walked into work to find yet another office dispute going on about cups left in the sink last night "Can we not just smash the fucking lot and get plastic cups?" she spat as she walked through, her goal being to get to her desk, which everyone seemed to have found to crowd around in her absence
"Actually" Tina looked at her saying "I agree with Mercy"
"You would" one of the male staff replied
"What the fuck do you mean by that?" Tina stood up asking, Mercy sat rolling her eyes again for yet more drama
"People please" Mercy held her right hand up "We come here to work, could we, just for the next 7 hours or so, pretend to be fucking professionals?"
"And on that note I pull rank and totally agree with Mercy" Mr Jenkins came out saying "Back to work" he raised his voice saying as he watched everyone scatter
Work went sort of smooth for the rest of the day, she got home early cooked something for Sam and popped across to South Wrigley to see her parents.
Sam was having a bitch of a day, his two best players had come down with some kind of animal flu thing and they were going to be out of action for the match on Thursday, on top of that Mr khan; the head of the sports department, was giving him a heavy time.
"We need to win this term Mr Evans, and by current records that's not going to be the case, this game on Thursday is the making or breaking of your team you need to make it count or face the consequences at the meeting on Friday"
"I've got the answer to that" Sam smiled sarcastically looking up at this man that was well over working age, but still saw fit to run around a field with under 18 "Give me a better team" he told him as he watched Mr Khan spin on his heels and leave the changing room
"Mr Evans" he turned to look back at him as he got to the doorway "They pressure me, I pressure you"
"I know and I pressure you, you pressure them, that's how it work"
"Thanks for the lesson" Mr Khan smiled before leaving Sam to himself
School was pretty easy today he'd done his scheduled lessons and he was ready and walking out the door the same time as the students. If his mind was right Mercy would be at her parents house this evening and he could have maybe an hour of chill, he was looking forward to it, it was the only time he got to blast his music out and bang about the house doing his thing and just letting everything go, he smiled as he pulled up and her car wasn't there, he knew she was safe and she understood this time for him, he jumped in grabbed his meal, cleaned his plate and made for the living room to crank it up. He was feeling the mood when 'Try Again' by Kip Moore his favourite song off the album rang out the man was speaking his thoughts, he was strumming his guitar and getting his groove on, singing his heart out to his wife 'Baby I'll try try try, no I won't quit, I'll buy buy buy you can count on it, to the moon and back through the highs and low, to win your love girl just know, I'll try try try then I'll try again' he eventually sat down out of breath tired for jumping around singing and strumming "Gosh I'm getting old" he smiled at himself leaning back to let his lungs collect air, the music still blasting
"Hi babe" he heard opening his eyes with a smile
"Hi" he smiled jumping up to turn the music down "How was your day?" he asked as he made his way to the kitchen following her
"There's only so much office bullshit you can listen to, and then you have to get on with work, I worked" she smiled making him giggle again as he kissed her nose
"I stink, I'll be back in a bit" he walked off telling her
"I think I'm going straight to bed" she shouted after him as she stood ready to make their sandwiches
"I'll see you there" he shouted back smiling for what she was offering, by the time he came out the bath she was in bed and half asleep "Mercy" he whispered as she moved enough to turn her back to him and carry on sleeping "Shit" he flung himself back on the bed saying, this no sex thing was getting awfully tired, it had been nearly 5 months since she'd given him any affection, "Can I hug you?" he asked to no response, he turned his back to her and eventually fell asleep.
Saturday 2 Weeks later
"Sam" Mercy grabbed him as she lay with his back against her chest, whispering in his ear "Sam" she rubbed her hand up and down his naked body still whispering as she nibbled his ear
He'd woken up as soon as she'd touched him but he wasn't going to react, she'd brushed him off every night for nearly five months, how dare she think everything happens on her say so "Mmm?" he finally answered when he thought it was getting too ridiculous
"I want to pay you some attention, I'm sorry" she grabbed hold of him saying as she worked him helping his body wake up
"I'm not in the mood Babe" he brushed her hand off him telling her
"You wouldn't need to do anything, I'll..."
"Seriously, I'm no in the mood"
"Okay" she stroked his hair off his face saying before she kissed his ear and lay back down
"How do you feel?" he asked her his back still facing her
"Rejected I guess" she nudged him saying
"Hurts doesn't it?"
"It does actually"
"You've been making me feel like that for the past nearly five months" he turned his head to tell her
"I'm sorry babe, I don't mean to shut you out I've just got a lot ..." she got out before he grabbed her head and pulled it towards him, smiling as her body melted into his in that familiar way as they got lost in each other. Several times during the session he asked if she was alright when she kept stopping him from doing things he usually did and feeling places he usually felt. His concern grew when she wouldn't let him all the way in, he got enjoyment in his own way but things weren't right
He was full of life afterwards and happy, he went downstairs and made them breakfast, which they ate in bed "What do you say we go to Dad's get that BBQ going and call my parents round?"
"I say tell Quinn to bring Tommy, I need a nephew fix" she smiled as she watched him grab his phone
"3pm alright?" he asked as he dialled
"Fine" she smiled she was in a good mood today and she didn't need it dulling, she needed to be around people
They finally got up, dressed and made their way over to her parents house, her Dad already had things started, throwing Sam a beer as he walked through the gate, they went around saying hello and Mercy finally went off into the house with her Mom
"What's up?" her Dad asked Sam as they stood watching the women walk away
"I'm concerned, we haven't you know for over five months, she wouldn't even let me touch her, and then this morning she wakes up a different person, not that I'm complaining it's just that well, I need us all to be on the look out, whatever this is I don't want it to hit us as hard as the last one"
"She's not pregnant is she?"
"No we already talked and agreed about that, it's not happening"
"So you guys have seriously stopped all those tests, experiments and stuff?"
"Yeah after that last time I don't want her going through that again, we might talk about adoption in the future if she's still pining"
"What are you two talking about?" Mercy walked back into the garden asking
"You're Dad wants to be the DJ again, I reckon its my turn" Sam laughed
"Why don't we just set the random play on and let the thing roll?" she asked
"Sorted" Sam looked at her Dad smiling
"Auntie Mercy" Tommy shouted across the yard as she looked up to see him running towards her with his Grandparents coming behind him
"Hi Sweetheart" she genuinely smiled as he rushed towards her, this little 8 year old was the person that kept her together in the worst times, no matter how bad she was feeling, her problems washed away for a while when Tommy was about "It's been a while" she hugged him saying
Sam stood thinking it had been a while since he'd had anything like that as a welcome himself she was trying hard to be his Mercy but something of her core was missing, he could see that as he watched her petting Tommy like he was a baby unable to think, see or do for himself. To the outsider it maybe looked like an Aunt spoiling her only nephew but he knew her and things weren't right he could feel it
"Where's the music?" Sam's Dad asked as he walked towards them for an hello "Do we need to be worrying?" he asked Sam as he hugged him
"You tell me" Sam said smiling as they pulled out of the hug, the look he gave his Mom told her he was silently worried
"Mercy" his Mom smiled going towards her for her hug "You haven't been to see me for over a month
"Sorry Mom what with work and stuff …." she trailed off looking to Sam for an excuse
"We've been busy and tired Mom, it's all we can do to eat before we fall into bed every night, sorry"
"I'm not offended" she laughed hugging Sam before she punched Mercy's Dad playfully and went inside to go see what her Mom was doing
The two women came out the house with meat on one tray and drinks on another, the BBQ got started and everyone sat about laughing, talking, singing along to the familiar tunes and watching Mercy
A Month Later
Mercy had finished work on a half days holiday, she'd attended her Doctors appointment, and gone back to spend the early afternoon at the park before collecting her car and making the journey home, stopping to buy some fresh fish for their dinner on the way home
"Mercy" she heard spinning round to find Quinn standing with shopping bags in her hand "Sorry I didn't get to the BBQ the other week, I was out of town on business" she leaned in to kiss her as she spoke "Can we catch up?"
"Sure" Mercy smiled, it wasn't like she had other sisters
They found a bar and grabbed two coffee's sitting sipping and talking "I seem to be the only one talking here is something wrong?" Quinn asked "Is Sam alright, are you and Sam alright?" she asked grabbing her hand as she asked to get her attention
"Sam's fine" she smiled weakly
"Which means you're not"
"I am I've just got a lot on my mind right now" Mercy smiled even weaker
"You can talk to me you know Mercy, you can trust me"
"I know that" Mercy giggled grabbing Quinn's hand, she looked into her eyes and she so wanted to lay all her burdens down at her door, if she was going to speak to anyone other than Sam it would be Quinn but something stopped her "And I'm fine honestly, just politics at work"
"We all know about that shit" Quinn laughed
They Sat talking about how they were, the pressures of work, life in general, their marriages, Tommy and music "Shoot Q I got to go Sam will be in soon I like to have his Dinner and bath ready for when he gets in" she jumped up telling her
"You spoil that man I know he's my brother, but you do"
"He puts up with so much of my crazy I like to treat him" she smiled at her "He gives me more"
"Till death us do part and all that, it's his damn job" she laughed getting up to hug goodbye as they went their separate ways
"Tina" Quinn said when she finally got back to her car and called her on the phone "What's up with Mercy she's not herself she claims stuffs going on at work and I'm not really buying it"
"There's nothing unusual going on at work, it's not work she's alright here
"See what you can find out" Quinn told her closing the call down, Tina was between a rock and a hard place, she was Mercy's friend no doubt, but she knew where Mercy's head could take her and that Sam would want blood if anything was happening for Mercy and she hadn't even tried to get her to fess up to him
Wednesday
"Mercy" she heard as she went to get into her car to make the journey to work
"Tina, what are you doing here?" she smiled walking towards her car
"I thought I'd be your driver today" she smiled opening the door for her to jump in
"Thanks" Mercy smiled jumping in making noise as Tina sped off, they talked freely as they drove along about nothing and everything "Where are you going?" Mercy asked when Tina took a left instead of a right
"Something's wrong, I know there's more, you haven't told Sam yet have you?"
"That's none of your business"
"Mercy you know I'm more than capable of making it my damn business, don't test me you know I will pick this damn phone up and call Sam, what's going on?" he stopped the car asking her
"Nothings going on" she told her through clenched teeth she was pissed at having got herself in this position
"So why haven't you told him?"
"I don't want to hurt him when it all goes wrong" she blurted out
"That's not it, you guys have been through three of these pregnancies and every single damn one you've done it together, what the hell makes this so fucking different?"
"It's none of your damn business" Mercy screamed, hysterically back at her "You don't understand, nobody understands" she cried into her hands
"What don't I understand" she looked around the car park they'd found themselves in "Mercy make me understand" she grabbed her hands away from her face begging "What's up girl?"
"I just need to speak to Sam first, let me speak to him first and then... everything will be fine" she breathed heavy telling Tina
"And you promise that's going to happen soon?"
"Very soon"
They get to work and of course Mercy wasn't in the best of moods with Tina or anyone else at work for that matter, and with her always barking on about being professional the only person she could take all that out on was Sam, so of course when he got home that night there were banging plate, slapped hands and they slept back to back, Mercy ran off to the bathroom after waking up to the nightmare of that baby eating her womb again, every time it all felt so damn real and now she was getting these flashes for no apparent reason, they were barely speaking the next morning before going off to work
A week Later
A week later Quinn was on the phone to Tina again, Sam had been on the phone to her nearly every damn night he sounded like he was at breaking point and it broke her heart to hear her big brother cry like a baby over his wife, she had to do something. She stood on the phone in her kitchen demanding that something must be going on at work and telling her she was coming down there to speak to someone, because her brother and sister were totally stressed out over something
"She's pregnant" Tina finally broke and told Quinn "She told me about 2 months ago, I thought she'd have told Sam by now, I've given her all this time to do it"
"Pregnant" Quinn gasped "But they agreed to..." she trailed off thinking about what this meant "Sam doesn't know?"
"No she keeps telling me she's going to tell him, then she's scared for him, and god knows what's going on in her head"
"I'm really sorry to break your confidence Tina, but this is bigger than me and you, I need to tell Sam, he needs to know what he's dealing with"
"I understand all that Quinn, but I really don't want to lose a friend, she'll never forgive me"
"She will when everything works out for the best, she will" she told her sympathetically "I'll help as much as I can" she reassured her "I'll give her tonight and then if she hasn't I will, so if you get a chance to talk to her let her know that"
"You know what, it needs doing, I'm not even getting involved in your family business" Tina told her
Mercy was at home, her usual routine playing itself out waiting for Sam to get in, trying her best to keep herself calm she needed to be level to get this across, to argue her case, to make him see her point of view. Sam was reciting his speech all the way home in the car, he was at his wits end he needed to face this, whatever this thing was with Mercy full on, it had gone on too long. It was clear she wasn't going to put whatever it was on the table, he had to draw it out and no matter how mad she got he'd have to focus on her feeling better at the end of it.
"Hi" he walked in smiling as usual, his face melting as he saw her genuinely smiling at him, stood at the kitchen sink
"Hi" her face had that soft smile that opened up her heart and let you in "I did your favourite tonight" she grinned proud with herself
"Great" he smiled wider walking towards her and giving his usual kiss "I'll just get washed up" he dropped his bag and kicked his shoes off as he walked through the living room, coming back down to his dinner on the table "Had a good day?" he looked up from his plate asking, smiling because he knew she was going to give her usual answer, nodding his head as he heard her do just that
"There's only so much office bullshit you can listen to, and then you have to get on with work, I worked" she smiled watching him giggle before he threw food in his mouth "Yours?"
"I found an injured bird in one of the guys locker today"
"Is that normal?" she giggled
"For him I guess it was"
"I don't remember any of us doing shit like that when we were in school"
"if memory serves me right we were doing other things instead at that age" he laughed looking at her his eyes trailing all over her body as the memory came back
"That don't count we were virtually man and wife already" she laughed "If my mind serves me right you liked your food then too" she played with the folk for a while, running the food around her lips before putting it in as he sat watching
"I've always liked my food, I could live on your kind of loving, I mean food, for days, weeks even" he laughed
"I still feel like that's all that's keeping me alive sometimes" she bit the food off her folk viscously telling him
Between the talking, eating and subtle seduction, need crept in as they left the dinner table and found the couch, Mercy was turning into an animal even she was shocked at herself "I need my magician tonight, I need you to perform magic with your tongue" she whispered in his ear as her lips found his spot, he was totally up for this all thought of the important conversation they had both promised themselves gone, this was a moment for them, it didn't happen often and they both so needed this, an hour later they lay naked on the couch wrapped in each other, Mercy waking up to pull the throw over them and moving Sam's hand from her stomach to under her breasts before falling back to sleep
Friday
"Sam" Quinn called down the phone when he answered "I've been worried about you all night"
"Don't worry about me, I actually had a good night last night" he replied as he sat in his office behind the changing rooms
"So what did she say?"
"Who Mercy?" he looked at the phone wondering why his sister was asking him that "She didn't say anything, well nothing I want to tell you anyway, it's what she did that's got me in a good mood, why what was she supposed to say?"
"I really don't want to burst your bubble and you know I love Mercy like a true sister"
"What's up Q tell me?"
"She's pregnant Sam"
"She can't be we agreed, no more test's, injections, nothing we agreed to stop"
"Have you guys been careful?"
"She's on the pill"
"Is she?"
"This isn't true she wouldn't, not without talking to me first"
"What if you guys just stopped trying and it happened naturally and this is what's freaking her out"
"She should be resting, she should be going to the doctors, god I'm going to be a fucking Dad" he jumped up telling everyone within hearing distance
"Sam" Mike appeared from nowhere saying "Swearing" he alerted him
"Sorry" he held his hand up to him saying "Q I got to go, and thanks for finding out, and please not a word to anyone until we get to second trimester"
"I know the routine" she giggled "Congratulations Bro"
"What's going on?" Mike asked when he finally came off the call
"I don't know if I'm excited or frightened about it, but my wife's pregnant again"
"How do you feel about it because the last time I remember well, that nearly broke you guys"
"She's had three miscarriages round about the same time over the past maybe 6 years, it's been tough on both of us but the Doctors came back with nothing, they said we're both fine and there are no quick fixes or factual answers as to why this is happening to us"
"So what makes this one different?"
"This one's going to survive I know it, it has to" Sam run his hands down his face telling him "Look I've got to go I need to speak to her"
"What are you going to say?"
"I think I understand what's going on for her, she doesn't want anyone to know until she's past that crucial time, I think she's just trying to protect me from all the hurt again I just want to let her know I'm here for her and we'll get through this"
"So who's there for you?"
"Our parents, my sister, you, her friend Tina and we have a good relationship with the hospital" he smiled back at Mike he was excited inside "By my calculations we maybe have about three maybe four weeks before we reach that point, I just want to be with her"
"So go home" Mike grabbed his shoulder saying "And good luck"
"Thanks" Sam said getting up to go look about getting some time off
He got the time off and rushed home half excited for the news and of course scared for where this could take them if anything went wrong again, he couldn't lie every single time took something of him with it. He wanted children, they both did so badly, but he'd been put to the test, and Mercy came first every time, it hurt him to see her go through this thing they'd been burdened with
He got home, and sat for a while listening to the radio as he prepared an elaborate dinner, he was going to give her every opportunity to tell him their news, he was going to make it impossible for her to not tell him, and then he was going to burst with happiness. The last thing he wanted to do was ruin Quinn and hers relationship on a trust issue, he dressed the table as he danced around to whatever was on the radio nothing was bringing him down today
Mercy had been speaking to Tina, they'd had yet another big row about her not telling Sam what the hell was going on, she was fuming, she couldn't go home like that she went to the park to walk it out. She needed to think figure this thing out, recite what she was going to say, things were coming to a head now this thing was growing it wasn't going away, he'd be bound to notice something soon, she'd done a good job of hiding it and keeping his hands off her bump so far but hell she needed to tell him, this no sex thing was ripping them apart.
She got up and made her way home "Where have you been?" Sam asked when she walked in "I thought you were at Mom's I called and they hadn't seen you I was just …. never mind are you alright?"
"I'm fine" she smiled "I went to the park for a bit"
"I did us something to eat" he smiled kissing her lightly as he took her jacket off her and set it down
"What's up why are you home already?"
"I thought I'd treat my wife, plus I just want us to catch up, we don't find time to talk any more"
"Oh" she raised her eyebrow saying as she walked into the kitchen to see the set table and pots bubbling on the stove "You proper cooked?"
"Yeah" he laughed pulling the chair out for her to sit in serving her a healthy plate of Salmon, with sweet potatoes kale and spinach, with bottled water and fresh juice, a dead give away and she knew it but a terror took over her and she couldn't move. She spent twenty minutes doing the only thing her body would allow her to do, looking down at the plate as she moved food around from one side to the other, feeling Sam's eyes on her begging her to look up and give him what she knew by the menu he already knew, well he thought he knew.
"This was lovely Sam but I can't eat any more" she finally threw the fork down telling him, looking up at him for the first time since dinner started
"That's fine I'm not that hungry myself" he looked at her saying his eyes begging her to tell him, he was almost angry at her resistance
"I need the bathroom" she jumped up telling him and left the kitchen, her eyes were open, her mind was working properly and she could see that baby eating her insides she thumped the door wishing the image to go away
"Mercy is everything alright?" Sam ran up the stairs asking
"Fine, I'm fine" she shouted back he could hear she was crying
She was crying because she knew he knew and this was going to be it for them, how the hell could she have been so absolutely stupid, to panic and do this, it was wrong and she knew it was wrong, and now he was going to hate her forever, she sat on the cold floor, her mind trying every which way to get out of this, defeated she finally surrendered, she'd done this she needed to take the consequences
She showered and entered the bedroom, shocked to see Sam sitting on the bed, his hand rubbing the back of his head, she was such a pain, she knew that and she wondered why he stayed, knowing that life without him would take her to that place, that dark place that he'd told her so many times she had no business being because they'd always have each other.
She sat on the opposite side of the bed, their backs to each other silent for a while, him waiting to hear her, her trying to get it out, then suddenly there was a sigh "You know don't you?" she asked without turning to look at him
"And I know you're scared, I am too, but I'm here"
"I know" she got out before bursting into tears, the pictures of that baby flashing through her mind,eating away at her, making her cringe "What are we going to do?" she asked as she felt herself being lifted up and the warmth as Sam's familiar arms catching her once again "I can't lose you Sam" she cried into his chest
"You're not going to lose me" he brushed her hair off her face telling her "There'd be nothing in this world you could do to make me walk, I love you"
"I'm so exhausted with all this" she looked up at him saying
"You're exhausted?" he asked her, hoping she'd know how he was feeling "Look, lay down, you should be resting not running off to work every damn day and doing for me" he told her putting her in bed and pulling the sheets over her before getting in himself, lifting her head to place it on his arm "We'll be fine, everything will be fine" he told her as they lay listening to 'Only You' by Parson James until sleep found them
Monday
They'd spent a restful weekend in their little bubble, Sam had tried to talk her into giving the job up and resting for the duration but she was determined not to do anything different, he smiled cautiously at her "If it's meant to be" attitude, in some ways he'd felt it was the best way to look at it.
He took her to work on Monday morning and deposited her in Tina's hands with a warning "Why are you two not talking?" he asked smiling as he kissed Mercy and let her go "Whatever it is fix it because if there's noone to look out for you I'm going to pull rank" he warned her
"So you told him then?" Tina asked as they watched him drive off
"Yeah" Mercy looked at her shyly "Well he sort of guessed I suppose" she smiled
"So what did he say about you, getting pregnant without discussing it with him first?"
"It just happened Tina" she looked up at her sharply saying "It doesn't always have to be planned does it?"
"I'm not saying that, it's just that … never mind" she grabbed her arm and walked towards their building
"No just say it, let's get this cleared up and call it finished, I don't need the stress" she turned to Tina saying
"It's just well, five months ago you walked into work telling me that was it, you guys couldn't have children telling me about all the tests you guys had tried down there in Lima, specialists you'd seen and everything and then after all that..."
"What?" Mercy looked at her asking
"Well you were seriously depressed again Mercy I was worried about you, everyone was"
"Well he knows now"
"What did he say?"
The usual, he was as nervous as me, and all that, oh and that he wants a boy" she smiled
"See now all this is freaking me out, I saw how you were on Friday and suddenly your back on cloud nine, manic I'd call it"
"I'm fine"
"Have you been taking your medication?"
"What's that got to do with you?"
"Mercy how long since you took your medication?"
"The Doctor said I shouldn't now I'm pregnant"
"I guess" Tina replied concerned
That lunch time Tina made a call "Sam" she almost shouted when he answered "Did the Doctor tell you Mercy wasn't taking her medication?"
"She is taking it I see her with the bottle every morning"
"She told me this morning she's not taking them, why would she lie?"
"I don't know, I'll book an appointment for this week and we'll check that out, and thanks" he told her closing the call down
Thursday
"Are you alright for this appointment this afternoon?" Sam asked as they got ready for work "I could come and fetch you if you want?"
"I'm fine I can attend an appointment" she rolled her eyes and laughed, uncharacteristically loud
"Okay I'll see you tonight" he grabbed her hand as they left to get her to work before he made his way to his place of work "Tina's definitely going with you?"
"Yeah, what's wrong with you?" she asked as they started the journey, saying their usual goodbyes when they reached her destination.
"Morning" Tina smiled as Mercy walked in
"Oh Morning, listen" she pulled Tina to one side whispering "I told Sam you'd agreed to come to that appointment with me today, just in case he asks"
"I can come, it's not a problem"
"No I don't want you to come, this is my business"
"What the hell are you up to?"
"Nothing I'm fine" she smiled walking off to find her desk, Tina didn't even waste any time now Mercy was trying to rope her into whatever the hell was going on for her, she called Sam and told him her intentions
"Mrs Evans" the receptionist called smiling at the door as Mercy got up "Hello Mr Evans" Mercy's head flew round at her conversation
"Sam" she gasped "What are you doing here?" her face full of terror as she looked at him
"I decided I was going to replace Tina" he told her looking around, choosing to ignore her scared "Where is she?"
"She couldn't come in the end"
"You should have called me" he kissed her cheek telling her, she wanted him to wait outside but she didn't know how to get that across, she bit her tongue and let him follow her through
They sat while the Doctor talked a different language to what Sam was used to, Mercy looking around anxiously and asking questions indicating she was concerned "The fact that you've done the first six months is a definite breakthrough, baby is small but perfect, it's good news" he smiled as he looked between them, Mercy's eyes closed, while Sam's mind was doing more than overtime, all he could hear was mumbling
"Sorry" he held his hand up at the Doctor, signalling he needed him to stop "Did you say she was gone six months?" he asked his eyes looking from the doctor to a very quiet Mercy
"Nearing seven actually but your little girl's quite small" he smiled
"I need you to be specific, is it six or seven?" Sam asked his lips so tight he had to get up and pace the room to calm himself down
"Twenty six weeks to be absolutely exact" the Doctor told him smiling "You've been away?"
"Who me?" Sam pointed at himself looking at Mercy "Where have I been?"
"Away with work, but we've been looking after her" the Doctor looked at Mercy telling him, sensing something wasn't right "Is everything alright?"
"Is everything alright?" Sam asked his eyes not leaving Mercy, who hadn't looked up since the conversation started
"Everything is fine and the dates still set for 3 weeks time" the Doctor smiled
"Three weeks?" Sam gasped, he couldn't help it he lost the plot "What the fucks happening in three weeks?"
"The baby Mr Evans" the Doctor stood looking between Mercy and him "You did know... you knew your wife was pregnant right?" he stood up asking
"Of course I knew she was fucking pregnant" he shouted at him
"So I don't understand your reaction"
"I thought this was her twelve week scan"
"I..." the Doctor looked between them unsure what to say "I guess I could leave you guys to talk"
"Have you finished with her, we need to go home"
"Yeah you guys can go home"
The drive home was icy, Sam jammed the gears with force as he periodically looked across at her, he got out the car and slammed the door shut leaving her sitting in the passenger side opened the front door and went to the kitchen. Mercy slowly followed him in, she wasn't looking forward to this but she knew it had to happen.
"You fucking lied to me Mercy" he turned to tell her tears in his eyes as he spoke "Who's is it?"
"What?"
"Who's fucking baby is it?" he shouted, watching her step back at his anger, he knew she wasn't going to answer him, he didn't want her to, not deep inside him, he'd never want an answer to that question "10 fucking years, everything we've been through, I thought we were fighting this together, I love you, I thought you loved me, I do everything for you, anything to make you fucking happy and this is it, this is what you do to me?" he stood looking across the kitchen at her "Mercy" he shouted as she shook again at the shock of him shouting at her "Tell me why?"
"You..." she started biting her bottom lip nervously
"I what?" he stepped towards her asking "Mercy I need answers, your standing there breaking my fucking heart and you give me nothing"
"I'm sorry" she told him before turning to leave the room
"Mercy" he shouted after her but she didn't stop, he heard her go upstairs and started throwing things around the kitchen shouting at himself, he put some music on loudly and sat listening trying to blank everything out to find calm suddenly in the middle of all his angry, hard core, head banging music 'Reason To Hate You' by Rhys Lewis came through the airways he sat crying as the chorus rung out at him
And tell me you love somebody else, or something, or say you've been unfaithful to me
'Cause I need a reason to hate you, a reason to let you go, a reason to move on cause without one I know I won't
So tell me you love somebody else, or something, or say you've been unfaithful to me
"No don't" he held his head in his hand, totally unsure what to do next, leaving wasn't even an option, that he was sure of
2 Weeks Later
There hadn't been much talking in the house over the past weeks Mercy had done all the usual stuff, he'd come in to his bath run and his meal on the table, maybe sit and watch TV for a while before he'd go to the spare room and she'd be left crying in their bedroom.
He was well aware there were only five days left for her to have the baby, he wanted to talk but he knew the only thing that would come out his mouth was "Who's the fucking father" and he really didn't want to know. They followed their routine and he went to bed as usual leaving her making sandwiches and playing the good wife, laying on the bed, he was staring up at the ceiling when the door opened
"Sam" she almost whispered "Can we talk?"
"What you want to talk now?" he sat up asking, his heart beating fast for what he was about to hear
"Yeah" she walked into the room saying "I know I did wrong, and I guess it's been eating me up because well... this has never been who we are to each other, I lied Sam terribly and I'm sorry" she sat on the bed beside him grabbing his hand "But I can't take you hating me I can't live like this so I want to come clean"
Sam couldn't speak she was going to tell him she'd done whatever, he couldn't even think it, his eyes wondering over her face searching for some clue anything to help dull the pain
"I know we had that conversation and agreed everything was over, I promised you I would stop but I didn't, I went behind your back and I told the Doctors that you agreed to this procedure, I used that sperm you gave me permission to destroy, I didn't tell you that was always my intention"
"You went for it, but we agreed..."
"I know, and I did it without your permission which I know is an offence, I was so scared but I just knew I had to do it. When I got to five months I guess everything just got real and then the stress started, I didn't know how I was ever going to tell you, I knew I would have to soon I just panicked I guess, I haven't been unfaithful with anyone else, but I've lied to you and in time I hope you can forgive me"
"Why?" he looked at her asking "Why didn't you just..."
"We promised and I wanted to please you I guess, you've been through so much with me, but deep down I know we both wanted this so bad I had to try everything"
"Everything, for weeks you've led me to believe you'd been unfaithful to me, why?"
"I... I was scared" she shouted at him, feeling like he was trying to corner her
"When was the last time you took your medication?"
"About 9 months ago, for obvious reasons"
"What do you want me to say Mercy?"
"That you Sam Evans take me Mercy Evans to be your wife to have and to hold forever, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health to love and cherish always until death do us part" she nudged him saying "For a moment like this, some people spent a lifetime, for a moment like this, some people search forever, for that one special kiss, oh, I can't believe it's happening for us, some people wait a lifetime, for a moment like this" she sang grabbing his hand "Forgive me, I did this for us, this is our moment" she smiled at him "I promised you this on our wedding day and I needed us to have it, I'd try anything to make you happy" (Extract from 'A Moment In Time' by Leona Lewis)
"Mercy this ..." he looked at her knowing he wanted this, everything he was looking at he wanted it, and he'd denied it all because he wanted her more, now it was all sitting there waiting for him to love "You find the spot and I'll find the money, you be the pretty and I'll be the funny, you plant the flowers, I'll plant the kisses, baby, let's get right down to business, I'll hang the pictures, you hang the stars, you pick the paint, I'll pick a guitar, sing you a song out there with the crickets and the frogs, you name the babies and I'll name the dogs, yeah" he sung back "I can't believe you did this but thank you" (Extract from'I'll name the Dogs' by Blake Shelton)
"You're not mad?" she looked at him asking
"I've been mad for nearly 7 years because this couldn't happen for us, I wished I'd have known, but I know I would have stopped you from doing it, so I guess you did the right thing" he grabbed her to him saying "I love you"
"I love you"
One Year Later
"Hi" Sam said as his parents walked through the door his hands full of bowls as he made his way to the garden "Come on we're going to sing in a minute" he moved his head telling them
"Hi Everyone" his parents walked into the garden smiling
"Where is she?" his Dad asked looking around
"Do you really need to ask?" Mercy's Dad asked laughed as he nodded in his wife's direction "Faith hand Cedes over" he shouted across the garden as Sam's Mom made a b-line to go take her anyway
Sam put the plates down on the table and went to sit with Mercy "Our baby girls one today, that's just gone so fast hasn't it?"
"I know, what the ..." Mercy got up to rush over to get Cedes as she watched Sam's Mom stand her up and move away from her
"Mercy" Sam called grabbing her back "She's got to fall to get up again, it's a life lesson"
"If she gets hurt.." she looked at him serious telling him
"She won't and anyway all she'll do is cry" he laughed "Look" he pointed at her as they sat watching her taking her first step "Get the phone, get the phone" he panicked as Mercy got her phone out and started recording
"Two, three, four, five, six sev oh six steps" Sam's Dad clapped as everyone joined in praising her
"Our baby walked" Mercy grabbed Sam almost crying as she spoke
"Khan" he shouted as he spotted the dog going for the table "Stop"
"If Mr Khan could hear you now you'd have no job" his Dad laughed, watching Sam smile every time he said the dogs name
"Are you alright?" Sam asked Mercy
"Yeah I'm fine, don't worry about me"
"I'm going to worry, you went to a dark place"
"We've been in a dark place Sam" she lay her head on his shoulder as he hugged her "But look at the gift we got from that place?"
"Yeah" he smiled as his Mom brought Cedes over to them "Look at the gift" he held her up in the air saying as she giggled looking down at her doting parents
The End