A/N: I've been searching for a long time to find the story I want to tell. I think this is it.
It wasn't Elsie's fault that Justice died.
No matter what the Interstellar Union Army said.
No matter what her mind screamed at her every night.
No matter what her memories told her.
It couldn't be her fault.
What hurt most was the knowledge that Elsie and Justice were on the cusp of finally reuniting. So close to finally becoming what Elsie had hoped for. Finally being able to be with each other without limits.
For over a year they were sending correspondence and meeting in secret. They were beginning to find common ground again. All of those years at each other's throats slowly faded from memory, and their scars became a way to bond over the past and laugh at how foolish they had been instead of the harsh reminder of what they both lost. It was a slow process, but they rebuilt a hopelessly shattered trust.
Though she would never admit it aloud, Elsie thought that they might have started to fall in love again. She felt the same happiness she felt back when they were children; betrothed and excited for the day they would rule together.
Just one more night and they would have had everything. They could have been happy.
Of course it was too good to be true.
Of course the Interstellar Union Army found Elsie the first time she and Justice spent the night together. The night that had been Elsie's idea.
And, of course, the image of a small space ship being shot clean through with thousands of Ether bullets from the escape pod Justice forced her into haunted her every dream.
The bright lights that simulated sunlight flickered on. They started dim at first, then grew brighter slowly. It was designed to be a gentle way to wake up any crew lucky enough to not be required up before "sunrise." It was still too harsh.
Elsie should have been in the group required to be up before the lights turned on, but she couldn't force herself out of bed when her body woke up naturally at five o'clock Universe Standard Time. Every morning she remembered she would have responsibilities to attend to once she left her bed, and that was always enough to keep her under her covers until well past lights up at seven. Surely a week was too long to sulk in her room as the captain of the Skull Fairy, but the weight of her grief kept shackles on her, and they were impossible to shake.
An hour after lights up Elsie dragged herself from her bed.
The water of the bath lit her nerves on fire. She could feel her skin burning, but she enjoyed the sensation. Not in the way she had seen children enjoying pain. Pain wasn't an escape or the only thing that could make her "feel something," it simply comforted her.
After her bath Elsie planted a kiss on the stuffed dragon she kept on her bed and made her way to the bridge.
It was easy enough to pretend there was nothing wrong in front of her crew. To them, the only change was her later wakeup time. There were probably rumors about it circulating, but the rumors would be that she has a guest in her room and nothing more. Guests weren't uncommon for Elsie, male or female.
"Princess, you're looking radiant, as always," Hyoga said.
Elsie forced a smile. "It's good to see you so chipper, Hyoga," she responded. "Where's Gowen?"
"I sent him to prepare for the weekly briefing for the chiefs of our warships an hour and a half ago."
"Thank you." Elsie sighed. "I appreciate you doing so much for me this last week."
"Of course, Princess, I am always more than happy to assist."
Guilt prodded Elsie. It should have been her responsibility to run those meetings. Gowen should have been working on training new recruits or gathering intel not the responsibilities of the captain.
Neither of the two had complained about their increased workload, and Elsie was extremely grateful for it. The guilt of her minor absences ate at her enough, so hearing the words aloud would make it worse.
Gowen bowed and returned to his work. Though the rest of the crew wouldn't see anything amiss with Elsie's new schedule, Gowen and Hyoga certainly did. They knew her better than anyone else in all of the cosmos.
With nothing else to do, Elsie left the bridge and went to the ship's mess hall. It would be important to at least try and eat something. Nobody would benefit from her passing out halfway through the day. She could never truly abandon her comrades no matter how heavily grief weighed on her.
Breakfast was tasteless, and she wasn't able to force down more than half, but it was better than nothing. Anything was better than nothing.
"G'morning, Princess."
Elsie jumped in her seat. She looked up at the figure that stood over her. "Oh, good morning, Gowen. How are you this morning?"
"Nothing outside the usual. There is something I want to talk with you about, though."
"Alright, what is it?"
Gowen sat down across from Elsie. "Well, Princess, today at the meeting with your officers the subject of your absences was brought up."
Elsie cringed internally. The subject had to come up eventually, but part of her hoped she would be back to normal before it happened.
"What about it?"
"They're just concerned about you, Elsie. They don't know what's going on, and they're afraid they're going to lose you. I don't even really know what's going on even though I have a pretty good idea."
"I think–" Elsie paused. "I think I need a break, some time to collect myself. After everything with Justice being on the Skull Fairy has been very overwhelming for me."
"Then go," Gowen said. "Nobody would blame you. We're your family. The entire crew would rather you take a leave of absence than burn yourself out for our sake. We care about you."
Something about Gowen's sincerity made Elsie want to die. She hated that they treated her differently because of personal issues. She wished everything could go back to normal and they could all pretend nothing happened.
Gowen suggested that Elsie take a few months away from the Skull Fairy. The Oracion Seis Interstellar gave nothing to intimate current interest in pursuing them, and Elsie had learned how to mostly stay under the radar… when she remembered to.
Elsie contemplated the thought for a moment. A break might be nice. She could focus on herself and get over Justice– figure out where she stands with herself.
"Let us return to the bridge," Elsie said as she stood up. "I want to make an announcement to the entire crew."
Gowen smiled and followed Elsie's lead.
Once she settled into her seat on the bridge, Elsie activated the video announcement system that linked all of her ships together.
"Attention, everyone. I would like to make an announcement.
"As some of you may have noticed, I have been absent from some of my usual duties. There is no need to worry about me or the state of the Skull Fairy. With that being said, however, I would like to announce that I will be taking a leave of absence. It will only be for a month or two, and in the meantime Hyoga and Gowen will be leading this crew. I do hope you can accept them as your interim captains.
"For me, I will be venturing to visit Xiaomei on Mildian. It is my hope that she will give me insight that will help me better lead all of you. I will be leaving tomorrow morning, so if there are any problems or questions you may bring them to me in the meantime. Thank you."
Elsie let out a breath as the stream ended. Gowen and Hyoga stared at Elsie, wide eyed and bewildered.
"What's wrong, boys?"
Hyoga responded first. "Nothing, Princess, it's just that Mildian was not the place we expected you to choose to go."
Elsie laughed. Of course it would feel out of the blue to everyone else, but she debated visiting the fortune teller every night, and the opportunity to go presented itself perfectly to her.
She had questions about Justice.
A/N: This story is going to reflect a lot of my own experiences, so if things aren't perfect it's because I'm writing from my life and not from research on a topic. I hope you enjoy wherever this story goes.