Upon taking a cursory look at some paperwork, Jaune found something rather odd. Under the classes taught, there were a few. Deception 101, culinary basics, high class cooking, thievery for dummies, and, the oddball, theater.
"Glynda?" It was the last period of the day (which she had no classes for), so she was in the staff room sipping tea and grading papers.
"Yes, Jaune?"
"When did we have a Theater department?" Jaune said, holding up the paper filled with details on said class.
"I-what?" Glynda got up and took a look at it. Apparently the class took place in the amphitheater, with the final assignment being a big play open to both the school and public. It also had a rather generous budget. "I swear, if this is his attempt to embezzle money I will flay him."
"Apparently it's right now. Wanna go check it out?" Glynda balanced grading papers with prematurely aging herself ten more years and shook her head. "Got it, I'll check it myself." So Jaune began to walk through the halls of Beacon, tapping the Long Memory to the melody he hummed.
When he got to the amphitheater's entrance, he heard a bizarre cacophony akin to a choir of dying lab animals mixed with the slapstick hijinks of a sitcom. Judging the noise to not be weird enough to warrant fear, he opened the door to find a truly bizarre sight.
Roman Torchwick, sitting on a director's chair in the stands, held a megaphone while yelling himself hoarse at a few students on the grounds used for spars. It seemed like the doors and locker rooms behind them were being used as a backstage of sorts, with Jaune catching glimpses of students hurrying about, props or scripts in hand. There was also a lighting system (somehow) installed.
Roman noticed Jaune approaching and quickly took in his befuddled expression. "Heya kid. Just whipping these brats into shape. Do you know how picky they are!? No appreciation for the classics, all they want is to see character do fancy fights and shit!" At the lack of response, Torchwick scoffed. "Did Glynda think I was stealing cash? Hell no! If I get to be a professor here, I'm making the damn most of it."
"You did have a flair for the dramatic. Were you a performer before a thief?" Jaune asked, settling down in a seat in the stands before beginning to sip his coffee.
"I prefer to think I've always been a good actor. It's mostly natural charm, but I did have to bust out my chops to get where I am on the top hundred bachelors of Vale," Roman said, putting down his megaphone to crack his knuckles. "Anyways, these kids will be the death of me."
At the shift in topic, Jaune looked down to the circular acting ground and rose an eyebrow.
"Shouldn't you use the stage?"
"Yes, I should. But hey, we needed more space, and I didn't feel like arranging seats every time we have an audience. Plus, if the condition for having the kids on board is having a few fights, I might as well have more space to work with."
"Got it." Jaune watched as Ruby, still wearing her red hood, trotted down a taped path, occasionally stumbling (and almost tripping if it weren't for her semblance). In her arm, she carried a basket. "What's the plot?" To that, Roman gave a sigh he recognized. It was the same sigh Glynda gave whenever Ozpin preformed a magic trick: namely, putting all of his paperwork into her pile.
"I don't know anymore! At first, it was a transcript of some ungodly long Mistralian text. Now? It's the same weird structure as that text, but they keep on changing it and shoving in new characters! And what am I supposed to do? Say no!? I need actors goddammit, and if there's one saving grace about most of these brats, is that I can typecast them! Take little red over there, she has the role of the innocent comic relief character. And there!" On stage, Ruby paused when she saw a party consisting of Yatsuhashi, Sun-
"What the hell is Sun doing here?"
"Haven's been having trouble since Lionheart was booted, so he transferred. Don't worry about it." Jaune shrugged, Sun's appearance somehow being the least weird thing today.
Continuing, Yang, and Ren fighting off some people dressed up in (awfully convincing) Grimm costumes. The fight scene was somewhat jarring as the Grimm moved both too acrobatically yet also clumsily, probably because they weren't used to the limited vision of the Grimm masks.
After the fight, Ruby meet the group and joins, saying she might need protection as she delivers some cookies (Roman assured him they were now plastic after Ruby ate them the last two times) to her grandmother in the next city. It was then that Jaune remembered some details about the original text: It was something he bought for Neo's literature class.
Yatsuhashi's character was a golem created to deliver a message from the beginning of the world to the end, the message contained in the catacomb scroll. Essentially, he's supposed to herald the end of the entire world. Predictably, many have tried to stop him in his ridiculously long journey, though some don't care. Some even travel with him for personal reasons.
Yang's character was a hedonist who saw the end of the world and came along to see the destruction. Though, with her interpertation, she just wanted to see all the end of the world parties. Sun was a ridiculously powerful monkey spirit and came along in order to prove that he can survive the end. Ren's character was a monk dedicated to detailing all the places they visit, so even after the end, they'll be remembered. Out of everyone on the stage that moment, only Sun, Ren, and Yatsuhashi tried sticking to the text. Likely because they'd already read it.
For everyone else?
"THIS. IS! AWESSOOMMEEEEE!" yelled Ruby as she kicked attacking bandits.
Again, from what Jaune remembered, the text was a melancholic, yet hopeful. A deeply introspective piece of literature on par with some particularly depressing Atlesian novels. The performance? It was batshit insane.
Somehow the kingdom was a cyberpunk darwinistic anarchistic hellhole with a 'king' and 'queen' that tore it in half because of a messy divorce. Apparently, they had a lot of extra props and the kids wrote their own script.
The whole king and queen split came when Gil somehow out-condescended Weiss. Ask Roman said it, "How the hell did we get a student that acts even more haughty!?"
And on that note, apparently every member of the cast butt heads with at least one other. There was a giant argument about lighting, another about the historical accuracy and literary faith of the props, and another about who called who a bitch! If Jaune didn't know better, he would've said Ozpin orchestrated this whole thing in order to get a new soap opera.
The only reason Jaune knew for sure he didn't was because Oscar (and by extension, Ozpin) was acting as the beleaguered assistant to Roman, delivering orders and making sure things didn't fall to shreds. Apparently Roman offered some good grades and cash to do it. And if Ozpin knew what was good for him, he wouldn't create problems for himself to solve. As Jaune made to leave, he said a few things to Roman.
"Roman?"
"Yes?"
"I wish you good luck."
"Thanks, I'll need it."
And so, Jaune walked out, and called Qrow to go out for drinks.
_
Ridiculously Long Omake:
Jaune Arc, fraud, liar, cheat, bastard, and also a time traveller. Somehow. Seriously, how the hell did he travel back in time and get into Beacon on faulty transcripts again!? As a teacher! AGAIN! And not just an assistant, a full blown professor! He was now teaching 'Unorthodox Fighting,' which remarkably few people signed up for.
"What the f-" The door to the lecture hall was suddenly kicked in one remarkably young Raven Branwen, who walked into the classroom as if she owned it while a remarkably alive Summer Rose came in behind her, pout on her face.
"Raven! It's his first day of teaching, you're going to earn detention at this rate!" Jaune, who could've sworn he had never taken drugs in his life, was considering checking if he hadn't accidentally sleepwalked into Roman's stash. That thought only intensified when a young Taiyang (Man did he look like him) and a not drunk Qrow walked in as well.
Jaune couldn't help but stare, but found himself getting dizzy from the confusion.
"It's probably a dream, it's probably a dream," Jaune muttered, praying this overly long nightmare was going to end soon. He settled down on his desk and continued to play along. According to the papers he apparently had written, today's lesson was about fighting unfair. Or, as Roman would put it, a normal fight.
"If one of the teachers," Raven said the word with so much scorn Jaune couldn't help but wonder if it was aimed towards him, "wants to discipline me, they're going to have to do it in the ring." Even though he'd spent so little time with the female Branwen, he was at least familiar with her way of thinking.
"I'd let it be, Sum. If she wants to walk off a cliff, let her." And Qrow was exhibiting his usual lackidasical approach to life, even kicking his feet up on the lecture hall's desk.
"Eh, this is awkward," muttered Taiyang, who actually seemed weirdly shy? What the hell!? The modern version of the guy was the pinnacle of easygoing confidence! Wh- oh, wait, Raven's in the room. The guy probably had a giant crush by now. Jaune chuckled internally, that was how most romance started in Beacon.
And then, just as he was getting used to the nonsense, Bart and Roman walked in, with Roman being somehow cockier than his future self.
"Heya teach! Have an apple for your troubles, seems Blackbird's being noisy again." Roman placed a remarkably shiny apple on Jaune's desk, though he craved coffee more. Bart, instead of saying anything, quietly sighed at his partner's antics. Was this really Bart? The history book he was reading at the moment said yes. As did the casual use of his semblance to sit Torchwick down. Unluckily for him, Raven heard the insult.
"Anything you'd like to say, weakling?" She said, having already drawn her katana and pointing it at Roman menacingly. For a moment, Jaune thought he had this. He had been a professor, counselor, and headmaster! Wait, no, he never formally taught a class. Shit.
Luckily, the bell saved him, where the rest of the students filed in. Or, well, that would've been the case, if anyone else filed in.
"... I suppose you six are my only students?"
"Yea, the other guys thought this was a useless class. Something about it just being more sparring." Well, from the name, it seemed to be. "So, what'll it be? A study hall? Free good grades? Sounds good to m-" Before Roman could say anymore, Bart put him in a chokehold to get him to shut up. Before Raven could say a quip towards Roman, Jaune replied.
"No, uh." He took a look into what today's lesson was going to be.
And what was written on that day was 'Figure it out later.' Jaune spent a good moment cursing his past self before sighing.
"Alright class, today we will be doing some sparring. I take it you all have your weapons?" The class nodded, which meant that the rocket lockers didn't exist at that point. "Alright, your opponent will be me. Any volunteers?" Jaune did a silent check of what was on him, finding Croeca Mors and a few other things he now kept on him (mostly from some advice from Roman).
Before any other member of STRQ could confidently raise their hands, Raven's shot up. The rest looked vaguely dissapointed at that. Summer, if he were to guess from Ruby's personality, because she lost the learning opportunity. Qrow, because he felt it would be exciting. And Tai because he wanted to show off to Raven. It seemed like Roman was content to sit back, a smug (almost knowing) smile on his face.
Raven was smiling confidently, eyes judging him thoroughly. From years of facing that exact (Though more lecherous) glare from Yang, Jaune remained resolute. She got up and began to make her way towards the class' center.
But before she could even make her way past Summer, Jaune pulled out a pistol and shot her with a high powered round.
As expected, Team STRQ began screaming. Luckily, it was a rubber shot. It still knocked Raven into the row of desks behind her, causing it to slightly cave in.
"WHAT THE-" As Raven recuperated and tried to lunge at Jaune, murderous intent in her glare, he sighed as she tripped on the desk (foot hooking on the edge) and hit her head on the front of it.
A few more lower caliber shots later and her aura shattered.
"Lesson one, catch your enemies by surprise." Jaune sighed. Summer was holding back Tai while Qrow held Raven from murdering their professor. Meanwhile, Roman laughed.
"Oh my god!? Didn't you get it from the name of the class? This is unorthodox fighting! No countdowns! No aura meters! Just a good old fashioned fight!" Roman was hysterical and Raven's trajectory turned towards said future thief.
"Only weaklings rely on ambushing those they fight." Jaune decided to hold back on snapping at the remarkable display of hypocrisy in favor of sighing.
"Very well, come at me." Jaune flipped a piece of lien while saying that. And, now that she had permission, Raven burst out of Qrow's grasp and lunged once more at the professor, only to be shot at by Torchwick. In thanks, Jaune tossed the piece of lien towards the man, who nodded in thanks.
"Lesson two, try to outnumber your enemy."
And that's how the class went, with Jaune using every tool at his disposal to never fight fair in his spars. Raven, after having it beat into her head that her honor system could probably be bent if it meant not dying, adapted fairly well. Qrow was the same. Tai and Summer had some compunctions but would eventually grow to be able to counter his underhanded strategies. Roman embraced them with a smile, while Bart sighed and kept up with his partner.
"You know, maybe the time traveling was a blessing in disguise. I actually feel pretty good as a teacher. Maybe I can even change the past!" Jaune was coming back from a bathroom break and walked back into his classroom, only to find it utterly trashed. Desks were shattered, stationary plunged into the walls, shoes tossed, and ties strewn about, torn from being used to strangle. Laid about the entire wreck were his students, who had taken his moment of absence as permission to engage in a full-class brawl. "Never mind, I hate this job."