Grant felt like he couldn't sleep that night, even after his watch. Even though Jewel wasn't out for a very long time, it worried him and wondered if this was the right choice. He could've called Coulson and begged for forgiveness before all this happened but now he has to work on his freedom and it's costing his family's lives. In the back of his mind, he knew that Jewel could take care of herself but seeing her unconscious, lifting her deadweight body, and seeing Simmons examine her made him worry. He remembered sitting on the floor beside her as Simmons tried to work around him, she barked an insult at him that he couldn't remember but Coulson defended him, he thinks.
He should've found a way to convince Jewel to stay and Muna to go in her stead, the best friends are almost equal in their shared abilities. The Chinese American agent would probably have her head on tighter then the two parents combined, knowing that this was for the sake of Grant's clean slate. But he knew that Jewel wouldn't allow it, she would've snuck onto the plane if it meant to make sure Grant didn't get a bullet in his head while sleeping. Somehow, he knew that if Jewel ever was convinced to sit this one out, she would've been worried the whole time.
His thoughts drifted off to their daughter as he wondered what she was doing at this time. Grant clicked his watch as it shifted to Italy's timezone as he saw it was 6 in the evening for Jasmine and Muna. If Muna followed the routine down to the wire then that meant that they were finishing up with dinner and getting ready for their evening walk to prep her for bedtime.
Grant sighed as he wished he could strap her in her stroller right now and hear her calling to her "Daddy! Daddy!" knowing this was a thing she loved to do. He deeply inhaled as he unfortunately pushed those memories aside and focused on the present and what they had to do to get Skye to see their point of view.
He opened the door and blinked in surprise to see Jewel was already getting finished with getting ready.
"Hey" he said gently, "We don't have to start to get ready for another three hours"
Jewel shrugged, "I couldn't sleep, I got a lot of it when I was brought unconscious… thanks to Skye"
"Well, maybe you should rest some more" Grant offered, "At least until Simmons checks you out"
"You want to wake her up?" Jewel challenged.
"Definitely not," Grant shook his head.
"Besides, I'm not the only one" Jewel looked at him, "I felt you tossing and turning, something's on your mind, isn't it?"
Grant thought about brushing it off and not telling her anything but what good would that do? They vowed to stick together and Grant promised himself to always be honest with her after she forgave him for being the mole. He sighed and walked up to her, rubbing his hands up and down her arms before kissing her forehead. Grant felt Jewel wrap her arms around his waist and brought herself closer to his body as she inhaled his scent. He smiled to himself as they held onto each other in the stillness of the house.
"I miss her too," Jewel whispered.
"We have to stay focused" Grant said, "For her"
Jewel nodded and moved herself back, "I was wondering when you were going to break out of that hard shell"
"Someone had to be the strong one" Grant smirked, "But I do admit, being an agent is definitely harder now that I'm a father"
Jewel agreed, "I thought it would be easy to snap back into the mold just as easy but… it's not"
"I'm sure it just takes a bit more practice," Grant said as he moved to the window, "We can't be the only ones that feel like this. Imagine if we were actually part of the team, we'd probably have to spend half of the year away from her"
Jewel hesitated, "Would you consider going back? I mean, if they all forgive you, Coulson seems to be at a turning point for that and if that's the case then the rest might follow"
Grant sighed as he ran a hand over his mouth and tapped his chin excessively, trying to decide how to put his words to use. He didn't want to insult his girlfriend when he says that he sort of misses going on missions, punching out his frustrations and going to bed believing that the world is safer now that he took out one threat and he will go onto the next one tomorrow. But he also liked the solitude of life back in Italy; waking up on his own time, working out for as long as he wanted, and being in the field growing his own food for Jewel to cook later in the season. He never thought he would be that type of person to retire on a farm but he understood now why people do it.
"I don't know yet" Grant admitted, "I wish I could give you a yes or no answer but I'm just not ready yet. I love the excitement of being an agent gives you but I also like doing nothing all day and it being okay"
Jewel raised an eyebrow, "You think you do nothing on the farm?"
"You know what I mean" Grant smiled, "I can work on the vegetables because I want to, I can plant seeds because I want to, hell, I can sit and watch baby shows all morning with Jasmine because it's what I want to do"
Jewel smiled and nodded as she remembered those times of Grant just sitting in the living room, watching pointless shows and eating snacks with Jasmine by his side. She thought it was the cutest thing she has ever witnessed as her heart felt whole remembering how he would have small talks with their daughter. They never once thought of danger in their backyard because they knew they had each other.
"I know you wouldn't want to," Grant said, "I can see it in your eyes. Ever since you came on this mission, you've been missing Jasmine more and more. It's different for us, yes, but I feel like it's more challenging for you. You haven't really been the agent that you once were"
Jewel nodded, "Because I feel like that agent was living recklessly, always going head first into missions to punch hard and fast"
"Just like Muna," Grant smiled, "You guys were more of a dynamic duo even before we became involved. That's what made you two so great and what made you a great agent for when things get tough and just for the record, I never once thought that you were living recklessly. You always went in with at least five different plans to getting yourself out"
"But it's different now" Jewel sighed, "I used to watch myself just to live for another day but now… it's almost like if I fail this… what will happen to Jasmine?"
Grant scrunched up his eyebrows, "Hey, since when did you ever start to think like that? You should never have to think about this sort of thing because it will never happen. You will be just fine-"
Jewel shook her head as she turned away but Grant saw in time that she was trying to hide her tears from flowing down her cheeks. Grant waited patiently for what she had to say as he knew she was trying to level her voice.
"And what if Skye hit me with more force" Jewel hesitated, "And I crashed through a wall or worse, what if you did? Jasmine would… I don't want to think about how our daughter would be like if she lost you"
"And she never will have to" Grant walked over to Jewel and cupped her face in his hands, "We will be careful now because now we know what is out there"
"It's never enough" Jewel objected, "Everyone says that but even the best agents die"
"You never thought this way before Jasmine" Grant told her, "So stop thinking this way now, all this worrying will only make your fate come sooner… and I can't raise our daughter without you"
Jewel's breath shuddered as she looked up to him, "This has to be our last mission, we can't risk our lives like this"
Grant nodded as he wrapped his arms around Jewel's body, finally understanding what was making her so scared.
"Okay" Grant agreed, "After this, we're out. No more missions"
"Promise?" Jewel asked in a small voice.
"I promise" Grant kissed the top of her head, "We'll retire as agents, we'll be farmers, and I'll grow a beard as long as my knees"
Jewel scoffed, "I don't think I'll like that very much"
"You will" Grant sighed, "It'll come naturally, you won't even recognize me in pictures with my face clean shaven"
Jewel broke away from his embrace, "You're not being funny"
"No, really, I've always been curious on how long I can grow my facial hair" Grant ran a hand on his slightly stubbly chin, "I think you'll might like it"
Jewel giggled as a light knock came from the door before it opened just a crack. Simmons came into the room as she had a small medical bag with her. Grant didn't realize that their talk lasted longer than it did because now he could smell the faint scent of a lightly burned breakfast. Jewel even caught a whiff of it as it made her nose scrunch up. He knew that Jewel would never eat anything that smelled even slightly burned, given that she came to love so much cooking meals and seeing appreciation on everyone's face.
"I'll step out and try to save someone from their misery" Grant moved out of the way, "What do you want me to prep?"
"He cooks now?" Simmons asked.
"I prep, not cook" Grant said, "She won't let me but I do know how to make a pretty mean sandwich"
Jewel rolled her eyes, "I think I saw enough to make banana pancakes"
Grant smiled, snapped his fingers and said, "My favorite"
"Aren't they all?" Jewel jokes.
"I, for one, am looking forward to your breakfast" Jemma smiled, "I've never been more scared of seeing Mike near a toaster before, but I do have to admit that I miss your cooking and am glad to see you, Jewel"
Jewel opened her mouth and looked over to Grant who wasn't surprised about her response as he mumbled, "Baby steps"