I gotta confess to you guys that I'm split, because either pairing in the end will make me happy and I see a lot of you have taken a liking to Ruby (especially after what Beca did, which tbh is fair) so I'm absolutely lost lol hope you like this chapter

Chapter Eight - Things I'll Never Say

I'm tugging at my hair
I'm pulling at my clothes
I'm trying to keep my cool
I know it shows
I'm staring at my feet
My cheeks are turning red
I'm searching for the words inside my head

Chloe thought going back to New York would be easy after having seen Beca, because now she knew where she was, how she was and most importantly, who she was with. And after their night hanging out, she felt a strong urge to text, call or keep in touch somehow, but deep down she knew she shouldn't.

Being away from Beca did make it easier for her but at the same time, it made her want to see the brunette, to talk and have fun with her. She purposely didn't add the brunette's number to her contact list so she wouldn't text her, but she knew the brunette had Aubrey's number in case they ever needed to get in touch.

Chloe's last night with Beca actually managed to wash away all the anger she felt towards the little brunette and reinforce the feeling she'd known she felt all along; she was in love with her.

During the days, especially during her freetime from work, Chloe would spend looking at the photos from the days they all spent together. She still knew Beca's instagram so she looked at it more times than she probably should, though she begged Beca to block her stories so Chloe couldn't see them.

"Hey," Whitney, her blonde coworker, walked inside Bread & Butter, where they usually got lunch.

Chloe put her phone away and sighed, noticing for the first time she was still looking amongst the sushi.

"You okay?" Whitney asked.

Chloe worked as a vet in a clinic in midtown Manhattan, Whitney was her coworker.

"Yeah, got caught up in social media," Chloe said, finally picking a tray of sushi before going to the drinks.

"You know, I was wondering if one of these days I could take you out to dinner?" Whitney asked before she bit her lip, carrying a tray of sushi of her own, following Chloe.

Chloe was caught off guard. She'd known Whitney was bi for a while now and to be honest, she remembered the blonde asking her out once but she wasn't ready to date yet.

"Really?" Chloe spun around, almost causing the blonde to crash into her.

"Absolutely," Whitney said. "If you're ready, that is."

Chloe thought about it and, as much as she hated to admit to herself, the lingering look Beca gave her that day, intense as it was, probably didn't mean anything. Alright. Definitely didn't mean anything, Beca was engaged to be married.

Speaking of, her invitation had arrived a few days earlier and it hurt more than Chloe anticipated. Not that she'd expected Beca to drop everything and leave her fiancée for her but the heart makes you wonder.

"Chlo? It's okay if you don't want to," Whitney said, snapping Chloe once more of her daydream.

"Sorry," Chloe said.

"You kinda spaced out," Whitney said. "Are you okay? You look like you lost weight."

Chloe sighed.

"Whitney, sorry I've been a little out today but I'd love to go out with you," Chloe said, making the blonde smile widely. "And yeah, I did lose weight."

"Have you talked to your doctor?" Whitney said.

"Yeah, I did. She's monitoring my weight, if I lose anything else, she'll be forced to put me in a hospital," Chloe said. "I'm at my limit."

"I hope that doesn't happen," Whitney said.

"That's nothing, the judgey looks I get are the worst, like I have anorexia or something," Chloe said.

"I understand," Whitney said. "I hope you feel better. And what do we say Friday? You have the night off, right?"

"Yeah, I'll see you, text me," Chloe smiled, getting her change before waiting for Whitney to pay for her meal.

oO0Oo

If I could say what I wanna say
I'd say 'I wanna blow you away
Be with you every night
Am I holding you too tight'
If I could say what I wanna see
I wanna see you go down on one knee
Marry me today
Guess I'm wishing my life away
With these things I'll never say

Beca & Ruby

Invite you to join them in the celebration and joy of their union

Saturday, August 3rd at 4:00PM

Chloe read the lines over and over and over again and still couldn't believe it. She still felt the sting in her heart, but she somehow couldn't cry. She cried sometimes but not as often as she thought she would.

"Chloe, please stop torturing yourself," Aubrey said.

"Sorry," Chloe sighed, putting the invitation down.

"You have to find a way to move on," Aubrey said.

"I know and I did. Whitney and I are going out tomorrow night," Chloe said with a smile.

"Whitney? Oh she's pretty, I'm happy for you, Chlo," Aubrey said.

"Thanks," Chloe smiled.

"When's your next doctor's appointment?" Aubrey asked.

"Monday," Chloe said with a sigh. "I'm scared, I don't want to go to a hospital."

"We have to get you to stop losing weight," Aubrey said.

"I know," Chloe said.

"Well, are you going to RSVP to Beca and Ruby's wedding?" Aubrey asked.

"Of course," Chloe said. "It's only next year, though."

"Yeah but it's in freakin' France, we have to get our tickets," Aubrey reminded her.

"Right," Chloe said. "Could you take care of that for us?"

"Absolutely," Aubrey nodded.

"Thanks, Bree, you're the best!" Chloe smiled, picking up her laptop and sitting down on their couch.

Chloe was working on an article for a vet magazine she'd been invited to write, which made her very excited, she'd written this amazing article for vet school and she absolutely loved it, she liked that her professor recognized her talent.

That is until the iMessage icon popped on her screen.

Unknown number: I was going to DM you but it turns out you blocked me, what's that about?

Chloe stared at the message for a good five minutes before she typed.

Chloe: sorry who's this?

Unknown number: dude, sorry! It's beca

Chloe: oh, that explains it. Yeah, I blocked you so I wouldn't be tempted to stalk you, sorry about that

Beca: totally fine, just wanted to make sure you're okay, aubrey said you'd lost more weight

Chloe: yeah, I'm afraid to step on a scale to see exactly how much though, but last time I checked 2 weeks ago I'd lost like 15lbs

Beca: whoa, sorry to hear that, anything I can do?

Chloe: do you have any power to make me hold my weight?

Beca: sorry :/

Chloe: it's cool, I just hope I don't have to be admitted

Beca: admitted?

Chloe: yeah, my doctor said if I lose more weight I'll have to stay in the hospital for a while until I can get it to stop

Beca: holy carp!

Beca: crap*

Chloe laughed at her computer. She thought a while before smiling and starting to type her answer.

Beca: please tell me if there's anything I can do for you, anything at all

Chloe deleted what she'd began writing and typed something else.

Chloe: love that you care about me

Chloe: I'll be okay, thanks

Beca: of course I care

Chloe saw the typing icon but it disappeared.

Beca: keep me posted

And Beca stopped texting her, which Chloe found weird.

Chloe: were you going to say something? Thought you were typing

Beca didn't answer her but Chloe shook that off and continued to write her article. Pretty soon after that, a message from Whitney came to let her know where they'd be eating.

Chloe sighed and massaged her temples before trying to focus solely on her article.

oO0Oo

It don't do me any good
It's just a waste of time
What use is it to you
What's on my mind
If it ain't comin' out
We're not going anywhere
So why can't I just tell you that I care

"Bee, you good?" Ruby asked her fiancée while Beca cooked dinner.

"Yeah, I'm good," Beca said. "I texted Chloe, she said she might be admitted into a hospital if she doesn't stop losing weight,"

Ruby was quiet for a while.

"I thought you weren't supposed to text Chloe," she said.

"I know but when Aubrey told me about the weight thing I got worried," Beca sighed.

"Well can you please focus on our dinner? I feel like you're a hundred miles away," Ruby said.

Beca put her phone down and turned to her fiancée.

"Sorry, you're right, I am. I put my phone down, you're all I care about now," Beca said and ended with a smile and a peck on Ruby's lips.

She did think back to her texts, though. She almost typed 'of course I care, I love you' to Chloe, but deleted the last part last minute. She didn't want to give the girl the wrong impression.

But the three little words still hung in her brain. Why did she even type that to begin with? What was she trying to do? Her fingers just seemed to have a mind of their own, she didn't even think about it before typing. Thank God she did think after she typed it.

That night, as she laid in bed, Ruby's arm around her, she was wide awake thinking back to her text, it kept bugging her. Part of her was a little angry, this never happened when the Bellas were out of her life. Of course, this wasn't the Bellas fault.

She knew only one specific Bella was to blame. And she had fiery red hair.

oO0Oo

'Cause I'm feeling nervous
Tryin' to be so perfect
'Cause I know you're worth it
You're worth it

Beca was in her studio working on a song for a new artist. Every now and again Khaled or Theo would text her or the latter would come in with an assignment or something he needed the brunette's help on.

Beca loved this job, being focused on making music and producing people's albums was amazing. She did miss singing, sometimes she did include her own vocals to a song if the artist or artists didn't mind.

She usually had her phone on silent but when Theo was talking to her, she heard it come off a few times. She only grabbed it after the British man left.

Aubrey: bad news. Chloe's in the hospital

Beca ran her fingers through her hair.

Beca: fuck

Beca: what hospital?

Aubrey: Presbyterian

There was a beat while Beca got up and started gathering her stuff, before her phone buzzed again.

Aubrey: don't come here tho

Beca frowned but put her phone down, grabbing her laptop bag with her. She stopped by Theo's office and knocked on the door.

"I gotta go to New York, there's an emergency, a friend of mine's in the hospital," she said.

"Oh, go, I'll take care of everything," Theo said.

Beca got into her car and drove to LAX as fast as she could, buying a ticket to the first flight to New York before calling Ruby.

"Hey baby, bad news, Chloe's in the hospital and I'm flying there," Beca said. "I hope to be back before the end of the week."

"What?" Ruby said. "Bee, you know I have no problem with you talking to Chloe but come on, you're flying off? I know she's in the hospital but would you do that if it were any of the other girls?"

Beca sighed.

"Ruby, please don't be like that, of course I would," Beca said. "Chloe's weight loss is due to the stress that I caused."

"I'm starting to miss the times you didn't want to talk to them," Ruby said.

Beca sighed.

"I'm sorry, okay? But I gotta go," Beca said. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Ruby said a bit begrudgingly before she hung up.

Beca got past security and waited by the gate. She didn't even text Aubrey to say she was coming, she managed to get on the next flight which happened to be boarding, so she turned her phone off immediately.