A/N: wowza... it's been a little bit. again, with the start of school, I have not had a ton of time to update and write. I have been trying to get somethings done for this story and a little one shot I'm writing for a different fandom, but school is killing me right now.

This chapter is a little bit fluffy, but I think it's cute. hope you guys like it!

*WARNING: THIS IS RATED M. MATURE AND GRAPHIC CONTENT AHEAD. YOU'VE BEEN WARNED*

I waited patiently for Maxon. We all waited. The King and Queen, The two Selected that were left, The rest of the Selected girls, the whole room, and the whole country, was waiting for his words so that way they could celebrate and party. He would announce the winner of the Selection, his wife, in mere minutes. I should have been happy that I had even made it thus far, but I knew whose name was going to leave his soft lips during the announcement, and it wasn't going to be mine. He was going to announce that Kriss Ambers had won and that I was the loser. Kriss was going to become Princess Kriss Schreave of Illea, and I would just be America Singer, the one who lost Prince Maxon Schreave of Illea to Kriss. She will get the ring, the man, and the crown and I will get the hurt of losing the only man I feel I have ever truly loved. I tried not to be sad. I was told not to by Maxon. He made it very clear that I was to smile and be quiet until the event was over, then when I left Angeles forever I could be upset for what I had ruined so stupidly. Celeste looked at me from across the room, she saw my hurt features so clearly. I could see the concern her eyes held, so I just gave her a weak smile and a slight shake of my head. To anyone around me, they wouldn't be able to see my subtle motion, but she saw it and she knew what I had meant by such a small action. She nodded in understanding, her eyes grew sadder for me. She knew what was going to happen now. I would probably cry to her about it later while she consoled me before I left the palace to go home to Carolina.

It should have only been a few seconds more of waiting, but then guards wrapped red bands around their heads. I saw one of them place the barrel of their gun on the back of Celeste's head. Bang. Her body fell limply forward, onto the table. I could see the deep red puddle growing under her body. I just lost one of my best friends... More shots followed. I stood up, needing to move and run for cover. I moved out of the line light, but I froze once I thought I was away enough. I heard Aspen and Maxon and everyone telling me to get down. Maxon took Kriss under a table to keep her safe, but a good guard came by to pull her away to safety shortly after. I still heard Kriss crying because of the attack and then being pulled away. I saw rebels shoot the royal family. I saw Queen Amberly go down. I saw King Clarkson follow his wife into the darkness that is death. I saw a rebel aim the gun at me. I was told to get down by the many people who saw it, but my body was still frozen. Bang As another shot rang through the air, a blur of a person was in front of me, jumping to bite the bullet so I didn't get shot and die. I was still in shock, but I unfroze. I looked at who had just saved my life by getting shot and I didn't like what I saw. It was Maxon.
Maxon was shot.

Maxon was shot in the center of his chest for me.

My whole world fell apart right before my eyes.

I rushed him into cover. Quickly moving under a table to get cover while pressing my hand to his wound in effort to save him. Tears fell from my eyes uncontrollably. He told me that it was always me, and if he died then he wanted me to know that. He wanted me to know how much he loved me. I held back loud sobs, just nodding along. I told him that he can't die. I need him still. He can't die. Not yet. I tried to stay with him, but Maxon told a guard that I have to live. If anything else I have to live for him, it's his dying wish. I refused to believe that he would die, but then I started to see the brightness in his eyes fade. No. He couldn't die. It should have been me. I was losing hope fast, but nonetheless I remained hopeful and continued my efforts to save him. I was pressing his suit jacket into him to stop the bleeding the best I could. I couldn't leave him. I didn't want to. I didn't want to leave when I could try and save him. I refused to leave him, but the guard, which I later found out was Aspen, pulled me away from him. I screamed to get to him. I told Aspen to make sure that he lived. Maxon didn't have to live for me, but I wanted him to survive this so I could tell him I'm sorry and that I love him, even if it was just one last time. Aspen told me he would do his very best. His best was always enough for me in Carolina, but will it be enough now? He threw me into a random safe room and locked it. I couldn't get out even if I tried. I couldn't find a light switch. So, I sat in darkness waiting and praying that Maxon would be ok, or at least alive, after this attack. I would do anything for him after this if it meant he lived. I would let him call me 'my dear' if it meant I got to see his brown eyes and warm smile one last time. I sat, cried, and waited for who knows how long.

It took a long time for everyone to find me. When they finally found me, I was set to go to the infirmary wing of the palace to get checked out. I wasn't hurt, there wasn't even a scratch on me. They must have seen the blood on my hands from Maxon and assumed it was mine. The only reason I agreed was so I could see if Maxon had made it out alive. That was the only thing I was worried about. I needed to see him smiling or talking. Hell, even just breathing would be enough for me. Anything that would tell me that he lived, that he made it through getting shot, that he lived because I lived for him. I promised him I would live, he promised me, so he's alive. He needs to be alive. Please, Maxon, be alive. I didn't see him when I arrived. I didn't worry too much yet. He might be somewhere private or maybe towards the back. So, I searched around more and didn't see him. I asked if anyone had seen him. No one had. I found Aspen, he looked exhausted and was limping. I asked him where my love was, but I was met with sad eyes and sad news.

Maxon died in the attack.

Maxon died because of the bullet that was meant for me.

Maxon died and it was all my fault…

Guilt filled my system like someone had opened the floodgates so water was just being released everywhere. He was gone and I couldn't save him and he did it for me…

I burst up from the bed. My eyes were leaking tears, sobs were racking my body rather aggressively. Thank God it was only a dream, but it doesn't mean it was pleasant to experience. I gripped onto the blankets, hoping and praying for relief from my nightmare, but finding none. Maxon woke up seconds after I did. He didn't need me to give him an explanation for my abrupt waking or my cries and wails. He just knew that he needed to calm me down. His arms wrapped around my shoulders. I was pulled into him, his warmth meant to soothe me.

"Shh… it's okay. It was just a dream, Darling. It was just a dream. Breathe, darling, breathe. You're alright. Shh… just a dream…" He calmed me.

I nod into him, calming myself down with his words and the heartbeat I could hear through his clothes. Every time his heart beat was a blessing, one that I just happened to be reminded of after that particularly realistic nightmare. I rocked in his arms to soothe myself. He continued to speak words of calmness to me in effort to get me to relax. His scent and his arms did calm me down. Maxon's claims of not being good with crying women, did not hold up. He knew exactly what to do to calm me down, and if it wasn't for him I would have still be crying with no end in sight. Thanks to Maxon's words and his arms around me, I was finally able to breathe normally. Tears still made their way down my cheeks, but his nightshirt soaked them up.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head. I was in no mood to talk about the horrors that my brain created. I can still see the blood staining my hands and the light leaving his vivid brown eyes. I want it to stop playing in my head like a movie. I want it to stop being a lasting memory. I can't watch my love die everytime I close my eyes.

"That's okay. Are you alright?"

"I am knowing you're alive." I mumble into his chest.

He just nods and lets me continue to rock in his arms. He doesn't let me go for the rest of the time it takes me to calm down and fully relax, which is an embarrassingly long amount of time (in my opinion). He kisses my head periodically and whispers calming words into my hair. I wipe tears away as they come, trying not to make his shirt any more wet than it already was from my crying. He continues to calm me in the only ways he knows how while I listen to his heartbeat and am reminded that he isn't dead. It works, cause once I'm mostly calmed down, I pull away. I look into his eyes, full of concern and worry for me. I smile lightly in response.

"I'm okay now."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asks again.

I sigh, "uhm… kinda. I want it to stop playing in my head, so if telling you helps, I'm willing to take that risk. So, uhm, It was the day that you were choosing between me and Kriss. Everything went like it did the actual day. We had our said words before the announcement and the attack started just like it did in real life. You took the bullet for me. I tried to save you. I held my hands to your chest and used your jacket to try and stop the bleeding. I couldn't stop the bleeding. You told me that I needed to live for you. That I needed to be alive. I didn't want to leave you. I was pulled away, though. I watched the light begin to leave your eyes as I was dragged away from you." I sobbed out quietly, "Part of me thought that you would make it. You would do that for me… you would do it because I was the reason for you to fight… you would because you had taken a hit for me before, and you made it out alive. The other part of me saw the blood on my hands and knew that you wouldn't make it out. I wanted you to make it, so bad. I prayed about it. And then I cried, waiting in the safe room for someone to find me. I went to the infirmary after I was released from the safe room. I searched everywhere I could in the infirmary. I asked people if they had seen you, and no one had. I found Aspen and asked him where you were; he just looked at me with the saddest eyes. You didn't survive. I just… I needed you. And then it was my fault because you took that bullet for me. If it wasn't for me you would have survived and you would have made it."

He pulls me back into his arms. "Shhh, I'm right here, Darling. I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay."

I nod into his chest, once again. "Maxon?"

"Yes, Darling?"

"Don't you ever leave me. Ever."

"I wouldn't even dare to." He reassures me. I know he won't leave me purposefully. I know it, but I want to be sure of it. I want him to tell me that he is staying by my side forever.

I look up at him, "I mean it, Maxon. Tell me that you won't leave me."

"I won't leave you. I don't want to leave you, ever."

"Good." I kiss his cheek. I take a few more deep breaths. Maxon doesn't rush me or make me feel like I need to lay down and sleep. He just waits for me to say that I'm ready. He wants the best for me, he always does. I yawn, "I'm ready to go back to sleep."

"Alright. I'll be here to fight off the bad dreams." He lays down with his arms open for me to fall into. I, gladly, fall into his embrace. His arms are secure around me. For the first time since I woke up this evening, I feel completely safe and at ease with him.

I kiss him one more time before falling back into rest, "Goodnight, Maxon."

"Goodnight, America. I love you more than you could ever know."

"I love you, too."

The rest of the night went smoothly. We both slept like babies without any interruptions through the night. I was glad that it went well. I was also really happy when I was able to sleep without any recurrences of the dreaded nightmare. Maxon had his alarm set for both of us to get up at 8 am. I was not super happy when the annoying buzzing broke through my sleep. I was even more upset when I found that Maxon wasn't even in bed with me when I woke up.

I slapped his alarm to get it to shut up. I sat up and looked around our room. Where was he? I called out, hoping for a response, "Maxon!?"

"In here, Darling!" He hollered from his bathroom. I slipped out of bed, less annoyed and more confused than I was beforehand. My feet lightly padded against the floor as I walked from the bed to the door frame of his bathroom. I had another moment of shooting pain. That was odd. I bet it's nothing, so I ignored it. I peered in and there he was, washing his face in his sink.

"I don't know how I feel about being left alone in bed when I wake up…" I tell him when he peers up at me with a goofy grin on his face.

"Sorry, Darling. I couldn't sleep." He pats his face dry with his towel

"So, what did you do while I rested?"

"I showered and shaved. Just got done washing my face off and now I'm going to get dressed."

I nod, "Are you going to come with me to the menu selection today or are you gonna pass on me?"

"First of all, I would never intentionally 'pass on you', as you put it. Second, I'm not sure yet. I have to see what my supervisors say." He walks past me to get to his closet.

I sigh and follow behind him, "When will you find out what they say about you playing hooky with me?"

"I was hoping to stop by the boardroom before breakfast so that way I could tell you a sure answer during breakfast."

I nod. "Alright. Well, I'll leave you to it. I'll be in my room if you need me."

I kiss his cheek and walk out of his room to my room without another word between us. I sigh as I leave. I hate leaving him. I really do, especially when the tension between us seems a little high today. I close the door to my room and see Mary tidying up the already perfectly clean room.

She curtsies, as she always does, "Queen America, how are you this morning."

"Alright. I had a rough night."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Your Majesty. May I ask why?"

"I had a bad dream and I was crying and it woke Maxon up. It was just a hot mess."

"Oh, that is upsetting. Sorry about that."

I shrug, "It's not your fault. I can't stop thinking about it, though."

"How bad was it?"

"How bad is it to watch your spouse die and know that you were the cause and that there was nothing you could do to save them from the death they went through?"

"Quite bad, Your Majesty. So, King Maxon died in your dream, then?"

I nod and shudder, "Yep. I watched someone aim a gun at me and then he jumped in front and took the bullet for me. I couldn't save him."

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty. So very sorry to hear. Let's not think about this too much longer. How about we get you ready for today? Yea?"

"Alright."

"What activities do you have today, Your Majesty?"

"Menu selection for the party tomorrow and the press will definitely be there with me and Marlee to see how I am adjusting to the higher role."

"I was thinking of this dress here then." She walks into the closet and pulls out this satin navy dress, "It's a tea length dress with an a-line skirt and it would look amazing with this silver ribbon belt or this black belt and gold buckle."

"I love it. Let's do the black belt with the gold buckle. Then, we can do the gold tiara that has the really pretty sapphire in it."

"Sounds good to me."

"Mary?"

"Yes, Your Majesty?"

"Will you send word to Marlee or her maid about what color and material I'm wearing so we don't clash?"

"Yes of course, Your Majesty. I'll do that right now while you undress."

I nod to her and she runs off. I do as she says and start undressing myself. I drop the shorts and lose Maxon's shirt. They end up on my bed so Mary can fold and put them away. Then, I take my hair out of the messy bun. Hopefully, Mary can make my hair look nice today. Maybe she can straighten it so it's not as frizzy as it is right now. She returns minutes later and begins to help me into the satin and lace dress. The bodice is lace, and the lace even extends to the cap sleeves of the scoop neckline. She zips it up and allows me to tighten the belt as much as I wish.

I sit down so she can do my hair and makeup. I told Mary to do something natural today, she just giggled. She pressed powders and creams into my face, but by the time I was done, I was glowing and it was natural. I smiled as she brushed through my hair gently. She decided the flat ironing my hair was going to take too long and I would be late for breakfast, so she pulled it into a messy low bun. I'm surprised at how it turned out because it wasn't frizzy which is what I normally expect from my unruly hair. She slips the tiara in and stands back. I gaze at myself in the mirror. I look fantastic, all thanks to Mary.

"Thank you, Mary. You always do the best work."

She curtsies, "My pleasure, Your Majesty. Go to breakfast, I'll see you later tonight."

"Alright. Bye!" I stand up to put my black heels on and walk out of my room.

I don't bother to check to see if Maxon waited for me because he told me he was going to be talking to his supervisors about helping select the menu for the party celebrating our wedding with the Italians. I knew he was busy with that and wouldn't be done right away, so I made my way down stairs alone. It was so boring going downstairs by myself. There was no one to talk to. No one's arm to hold onto and laugh with. There were no interruptions, no older brothers bugging me, and no younger sisters ready to talk my ear off on the way down. It was uneventful and boring. I decided that I would check the time to see if I had any to spare before heading to breakfast. Thankfully I did, so I went for a walk in the gardens.

The gardens have always been the one place where I can think without feeling trapped. It was open and it was free. I longed for that when I was growing up. I longed for that when I first arrived. Now, whenever I get the chance, I try to get out here. Maxon and I take walks through here all the time. It's different going out there without him beside me. I wish he was here with me instead of upstairs. I sigh, again. At least I can go outside.

The guards bowed to me as I went through the glass door that led out to my favorite place in the palace. I take a deep breath when the fresh air comes into contact with me. I slip off my shoes and leave them by the door. Who needs shoes when you can feel the grass in between your toes? I ran into the large open space of the garden. I love the way it feels to be out here. The warm Angeles sun mixed with the comfortably cool breeze is perfect. I laugh as I look up into the sky to see the light blue that touches the horizon line. Seeing it makes me breathless.

After a few more minutes of running through the garden in the most unlady like manner, I decide it's time to sit down. Partially because I was tired and out of breath and partially because my stomach had another pain like this morning and yesterday.

I go to our bench. The bench where we met. My heart melts thinking about it. The encounter wasn't at all sweet or romantic, but it was unique and hey look at what it sparked between us. How many people can say that they called their future spouse shallow in their spouse's very own private garden? Not many, but I can. Maxon can take the flip of that. I giggle again, just thinking about it makes me feel ridiculous. I was so naive then, too caught up in myself and my problems. So… hurt from a past that shouldn't have even existed in Carolina. I was home sick and irritated that I had to be here. I was hoping I could go home because this wasn't what I wanted at the time.

"Stupid, America… this is the farthest thing from a cage… he's the farthest thing from shallow, he didn't have a choice… this was all that he ever knew until he met the girls…" I mutter to myself thinking about that day. I close my eyes to push it away, but that memory continues to loop through my brain. "So stupid, America… Why did you even have a reason to call him shallow? Why did you insult his home? Why did you insult him? Why did-"

"I think the real question is why did all of that negative talk lead to him become completely infatuated with your existence from that moment forward?"

My head pops up at the sound of his voice, it could pull me out of the darkest moments and bring me back to reality without any issues. It's one of the many reasons I love him. "Trust me, I'm just as confused."

I stand up and walk the short distance to close the gap between us. He kisses me and I feel myself fall into his warm embrace. It's a comfortable feeling, and I love it.

He pulls away, "Hi."

"Hi." I return in a shy, yet short of flirty, way.

"I was worried about you."

"Oh really?"

"Really. I was heading down from my office after talking to the supervisors and I didn't see you on the way for breakfast. If I didn't look outside before heading towards the dining hall, I would have missed you and then put the palace on lock down until I saw you with my own two eyes."

I giggle, "I'm always here or with you."

"I know. I worry about you. I always have."

"I know, My Love, I know."

He extends his arm to me so we can go off to breakfast together. I gladly accept. We begin walking up to the doors, slowly but surely making it there. "Speaking of your supervisors, what did they say?"

"They said I could, but I have to work through lunch today."

"It's only going to be an hour and a half and you might even leave early depending on how much you can deal with Marlee and I." I slip on my shoes quickly.

"I can handle you two. I did during the Selection."

He opens the door for me and I walk through inside with him following close behind. "Right, but there are two things you failed to consider. One, I was trying to set you up with her. And two, you didn't have to deal with both of us alone. We are, well…, pretty close to trouble most of the time."

"I know, Darling. I spent four months making sure that you stayed out of trouble."

"Hey! I feel like that is not a fair attack to make." I slap his arm lightly.

He laughs, "But it is the truth."

"Damned be the truth…" I mutter which causes Maxon to laugh out loudly and even snort. I choose to ignore that snort instead of making fun of him for it.

He opens the door to the dining hall for me and we file in. It's lonely here without my family or the other girls from the Selection. It's just me and Maxon. Marlee and Carter won't be joining us for another day or so, besides it's typically not the best etiquette for the Queen's right hand woman to be camping out with the King and Queen. Although, Marlee and Carter are in a different situation with Maxon and I, but still. The point still stands. Even without them, it's lonely.

We sit down and we both start to serve ourselves. I can't help but feel off right now. Something just doesn't fit, and it's bugging me.

"Maxon?"

"Yes, Darling?"

"I miss the people."

"The people? Who specifically?"

"Just the people. I miss having people over. I want to have lots of people over here with us all the time because having just the two of us doesn't sit right with me for some reason."

"You have Marlee and Carter. And Silvia is always going to be buzzing around to help you and to give you projects and such."

"I always see Marlee and Carter. And it's not like I want to hang out with Silvia all the time. She might like me better now, but that doesn't mean we are pals. I'm serious. I want more people, Maxon." I whine.

He takes a bite of his scrambled eggs and swallows it quickly. "We will have people over more. I promise. I know it's not exactly exciting just the two of us and no one else, but isn't that what we wanted all throughout the Selection? To be alone?"

"It's not that I don't love being with you, cause I do, honestly. I'm just used to so much excitement. Like my whole family is chaos and then when I came here it was 34 other girls plus you and your parents. I do want to be alone with you, but eating just the two of us seems… stiff."

He nods and takes a sip of coffee. "I know what you mean. It is hard sometimes, but we will have events and private things that we do so we won't get bored."

I nod and look down and my hands that rest on the table. He grabs them, forcing me to look into his eyes, "I know this is a change, but we will always make it work. Okay? It won't be just us forever. We will have people over and we will have parties. We will invite your family over all the time. But we will also be alone together. We will go on vacations and go out together. We will have date nights and movie breaks. We will play hooky together and dance in the rain. We will go away from each other and then write letters. We will love each other endlessly even when it's just us."

I nod again, "Thank you, Maxon."

"Of course. Now eat. I don't want you to be hungry."

I giggle and take a bite of the eggs on my plate. For the rest of the meal, Maxon tries to make me laugh endlessly. He knows that I'm not exactly happy right now, and he is doing everything in his power to boost my mood. He starts off slowly by just nuding my shin with his foot. Then, he goes to pull me close to him in my chair. I would move back and he would pull me close to him again, which made me chuckle just a little. After he tried to get me to laugh that way, he started to mess with his food like a teenage boy. He was putting the salt and pepper shakers on his head like they were ears or something, he took the clip that one of the maids or butlers left out and clamped it around his nose to make his voice sound funny, and he even asked for stick pretzels just so he could put them in his mouth like a walrus or a vampire. All of them made me at least giggle. His final attempt was to make me laugh by throwing food at me. He took a sliced piece of toast and threw it at me. It just narrowly missed my head.

I gave a single solid laugh at his efforts, "Maxon… you missed me. You know what that means?"

"What does that mean?"

I stood up and chanted loudly, "Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me!"

In a split second, I made the choice to throw a piece of toast at him. I got lucky, and it ended up hitting him right in the chest. He laughed with me and got up. He started to lean in but I ran off, my shoes falling off by my chair in the process. He quickly started to chase after me. I squealed as he followed me, only a few feet behind, yelling, "America Schreave! You're gonna pay for that!"

I ran out of the dining hall into the great hall that was being set up with all of the stuff for the menu selection.

"Not if you can't catch me!" My voice echoed throughout the large room.

I laughed as I dodged maids who were preparing things for later today. From what I could tell, they weren't exactly happy that I was bursting through conversations and cutting off their lines of traffic. I could just faintly hear their grunts of frustration as I shrieked and laughed in passing. I tried my very best to yell out apologies to servants as they were cut off or interrupted by us. I could hear the fast and steady beats of Maxon's calculated footsteps against the cool floor and his shrieks of laughter following behind me. I ran faster and used all my energy to speed up. My body basically flailed throughout the whole great hall. I guess my burst of energy didn't last long or get me far ahead of him enough because I felt his hands grabbing at my waist and pulling me into him. I squeal as my running halts by him pulling on my limber body. He lifts me up, swings me around. I laugh down at him, the biggest smile on my face. He holds me up below my butt, kissing me slowly and softly with smiles on our faces through every kiss. After he slowly kisses me and makes me melt into him, he allows me to touch my feet onto the ground. I laugh a little as I make contact with the ground. He is smiling like he just heard the best news ever. I hug him, and he returns it.

"I'm glad you caught me." I mumble into his chest, still out of breath from running, laughing, and kissing him all too much.

"I'm glad I caught you, too."

I pull my head up to look into his eyes. He smiles and kisses my forehead. I melt into him. We let go of each other only to join our hands back together. Linked hand in hand, we walk back to the dining hall to grab my shoes and maybe even eat some more breakfast. I lean into him as we walk. I never want to leave his side. I'm so glad that I'm his and he is mine. Maxon and America. Just the way it should always be.