Spending the days in a one-room infirmary means a lot of people passing by, therefore disturbing Henry's quiet rest.

They try to keep Henry as secluded as possible, however, a curtain around his bed does not provide too much privacy. Doctor Shepherd goes on house calls, but there is always someone coming in with an earache or a fever. Even though they can't see Henry and vice versa, their curiosity is almost palpable in the air. Everyone knows he is in there, behind that curtain. The disgraced mayor who stole from the town. A criminal. The man who saved Bill Avery's life.

It does not matter they can't actually look at him, they still make Henry feel like a caged animal. It makes him unsettled, keeping him in a state of nervous tension. He tries to spend the best of the day with sleeping in order to get his strength back. Sleep has a healing power, Doctor Shepherd says. Sleep is also Henry's defense mechanism against the unwanted presence of people. His nights are troubled by nightmares anyway, so he welcomes sleep if it comes during the day at least.

That is the reason why Henry does not see Abigail until the third day since he came to. Despite people regularly coming to the infirmary, Henry does not have many visitors. Bill checks in on him once in a day, but he never stays to chat. Henry is told that Abigail has already visited him several times, too, she just did not want to rouse him when she found him asleep. It's a pity, but at the same time Henry is relieved. He is not sure if he is ready to face her.

On the third day Faith offers to shave Henry but he prefers to do it himself. The good nurse leaves him to it. Henry wonders why she did not put up any objections. Maybe Bill forgot to mention her that criminals were not to be trusted with sharp instruments. But she must surely know that. Well, Henry isn't complaining, he just tries to understand her better. Faith is always patient with him, but that goes with the territory he supposes. She often smiles at him. Although her smile is not as soft as Abigail's, it's a genuine smile. All in all, Henry believes Faith is kind with him purely out of pity.

Henry chooses a sunlit spot for the procedure of shaving, carefully hiding behind his curtain. He smears soap suds on his face, and picks up the razor. Then puts it down.

His hand is slightly trembling.

He can't shave with shaky hands, not without cutting himself. He can't ask Nurse Carter to help him either because less than two minutes ago Miss Thatcher ushered Philip Cantrell into the infirmary and Faith is examining the boy now. The kid has a stomachache.

'How does it hurt, Philip? Is it a stabbing pain or…?'

'It feels like my stomach is really small but wants to be even smaller.'

'Hmm. Cramps can mean a lot of things. I am going to touch your tummy now. Tell me if it hurts when I touch you, all right?'

Henry can't see their faces but he can just imagine them, the two women looming over that poor boy. Miss Thatcher probably has a worried look on her face, while Faith Carter must be smiling in her gentle, calming way. Maybe kindness is part of her nature, not just an accessory to her uniform.

'Did you eat something you didn't like? Something that didn't taste good.'

'I don't know. No, I think. No.' The Cantrell boy sounds so frightened, so small. 'Is my dad sick, too?'

'Why would you think that, Philip?'

'He couldn't sleep last night. He was tossing and turning in his bed, I could hear it. His stomach must have hurt, too.'

'And how did he look this morning, Doctor Philip?' Faith tries to ease the child's worry with a bit of humour.

'Sleepy.' The boy's honest, direct answer brings a small smile even to Henry's face. 'And he asked me some very strange questions. He asked me if I would like to live in a bigger town. But I told him that Hope Valley was big enough for me.'

'Oh, Philip…'

Miss Thatcher's rueful voice only makes the kid more anxious.

'What's wrong with me?'

'An upset stomach, nothing more,' Faith says to ease his discomfort. 'You will be fine, you just need some rest.'

'That's good news. Can I take him home now?'

Before Faith could answer Elizabeth's question, the door of the infirmary opens and closes. Someone has arrived.

'Good afternoon.'

Henry would recognise Abigail's voice anywhere.

'Hello, Abigail. Are you here to see Henry?'

'Yes, I am. Sorry for intruding.'

'You are lucky today. Actually… Would you mind staying with Henry for a while? I want to take Philip home, and look after him until his father arrives.'

They are talking about Henry in the same way they talk about Philip. Stay with him. Guard him. They treat him like a child. Any other time Henry's pride would be deeply hurt by this, but right now he is too busy to care. The pain in his chest requires his full attention. Somehow it feels sharper now, and closer to the heart area.

'We could read a story together if you want to. How does that sound, Philip?'

'Sounds good.'

'Would you mind, Abigail?'

'Not at all.'

The pain has subdued - it is still there, but it is no more than a dull ache now. Basically everything is back to normal. Henry takes a breath. He is alive.

'Doctor Shepherd will be back soon, I am sure. Or… Elizabeth, please, could you drop by the Montgomerys on your way home? Carson is visiting Cat Montgomery, so if you would just tell him to come and see Philip after he is finished there…'

'Of course.'

'How is Cat doing?' Abigail inquires.

'Fine, I think.' Faith's voice sounds almost convincing, which probably means that recently Cat has been relatively fine.

Henry remembers Cat Montgomery falling seriously ill around the time when the trial of the Pacific Northwest Mining Company took place. She has never fully recovered. Her eldest, Gabe had to quit school and take a job in Cape Fullerton to support the family. Strange. Henry has never thought about it before, but now the Montgomerys' situation seems so… unfair to him. The widows paid a teacher to come to the town because education was the only chance for a better future they could offer to their children - and yet, without a father and with a sick mother Gabe had to give up his studies for a menial job with menial pay. Maybe his sister will be luckier.

'Henry?'

He got so lost in his thoughts he didn't even notice Faith and Elizabeth leaving with Philip. It's just Abigail and him now. She is standing there, looking at him quite astounded… Oh. Henry was too busy listening to the conversation at the other side of the curtain, and forgot to wash his face. Now his face is dripping with soap. And it is still bristly like sandpaper.

'I am sorry,' he says self-consciously, reaching for a towel. 'I was just… shaving.'

'You certainly look much better than the last time I saw you, ghastly white and unconscious.' Abigail cracks a half-hearted smile.

'Thank you, I guess,' Henry says, wiping the soap off his face. His chin will stay stubbled for one more day, it seems.

'How are you feeling?'

'Apart from being too weak to shave and the fact that I was out for days? Never better.'

'May I help you? Please.'

When in his astonishment Henry forgets to protest, Abigail gently smears soap on his face (again) and picks up his razor. Her hand isn't trembling.

'I will be careful,' she promises. As if Henry had ever thought differently. 'We were newlyweds when my Noah sprained his wrist and he couldn't shave for three weeks without cutting himself. He looked like he had fought with a cougar. Finally I took things into my own hands and tried to shave him myself. It took me ages but I didn't cut him.'

Henry can't listen to this anymore. The sharp face of Noah Stanton appears in front of him brighter than ever. He is dead because Henry falsified the safety reports of the mine. Abigail Stanton lost her husband in an accident that could have been prevented. There is nothing left of Noah but memories.

Henry takes Abigail's wrist, gently pulling her hand away from his face.

'I had no right to ask for your forgiveness,' he says quietly. His hand might be trembling but he manages to keep his voice even.

'You had every right.'

Why must this woman be so gentle, so sympathetic? It is almost annoying.

'The moment he arrested me I told Bill I would turn state's evidence. On truth, I just want to save my own skin. You have no reason to forgive me,' Henry explains dryly.

'I see. And when you stopped Wyatt from shooting Bill, was that to save your own skin, too? Because you did an awful job then.'

Henry can't bear her looking at him with such soft eyes. For some odd reason he doesn't understand this woman was worried about him. She kept visiting him and prayed for his recovery. He almost loathes himself for it but he has to shatter this image that she has of him. Almost dying did not change him, and certainly did not make him a better man.

'I couldn't do it again. It was too much.' He shudders. The pain was not even the worst, no. He could take all the pain (if he must) but he couldn't stand that overwhelming feeling of helplessness again. 'Ray Wyatt was right. I am a coward.'

'I don't remember a single time Ray Wyatt did or said something right,' Abigail says firmly.

Surely she doesn't mean that. Ray Wyatt brought the railway to Hope Valley, she should appreciate that as the mayor of the town and everything. Still, her words make Henry's heart swell with gratitude. Even if he knows he does not deserve her kindness.

In his mind Noah Stanton's face is joined by the others. Peter Stanton. Joseph Montgomery. Paul Blakeley. Patrick Sullivan. Robert Dunbar. William Hayford. Forty-seven men, fathers and sons, died in a mining disaster that could have been prevented. Most of them must have been killed instantly, but Henry can't stop thinking about those who had an agonizing, slow death. Suffocating. Internal bleeding. Doctor Shepherd would know how many ways a man can die in a mine.

Forgive me, Pa

Noah Stanton spent his last minutes in this world writing these three words on a plank. Henry had no right to ask for Abigail's forgiveness, no matter how terrified he was.

'Are you feeling unwell?' Abigail knits her brows. Henry shakes his head. 'Then no more talking now.' She puts a hand on his face and turns his head towards the light. 'I can't shave you if your facial muscles keep moving.'

'Could you tell me what has happened lately in Hope Valley?' Henry asks a bit lamely. 'The small things, I mean. I don't hear much about the town in this room.'

He doesn't want to think about those forty-seven men. How did they die, why did they die… If he hadn't worried about these questions before, he won't start it now.

'Why, of course.' And there is that smile again.

While she is shaving Henry, Abigail tells him stories about the everyday life of Hope Valley. She is excited because they are expecting Becky in two days - she is coming home to study, and to celebrate Cody's birthday, of course, which is in about a fortnight. Shane Cantrell is drawn to Faith Carter but he seems to be in denial about it. Elizabeth thinks he might be afraid that inviting Faith for dinner and other acts of courtship would be too hard on Philip. Oh, by the way, Elizabeth hosted a small sleepover for the girls from school! It went really well with a bit of help from Rosemary. Frank got an opportunity to work at the Children's Hospital in Cape Fullerton, which is wonderful. He will start his volunteer work in mid-December and won't return to Hope Valley until late January. Abigail also mentions that AJ Foster has escaped and she is on the run, and Ray Wyatt will be transferred to Cape Fullerton in the upcoming days.

Henry does not really care about these people and he is certainly not interested in their lives. He asked Abigail to talk about them only because he needed a distraction. However, if he really pays attention, he can almost hear the unspoken words as well as what Abigail said.

Mr Cantrell is worried about the emotional consequences of a courtship for his son - and for himself. Miss Thatcher misses her fiancée and she won't stop worrying about him until he is back safely. Abigail will miss Pastor Hogan while he is away but she would never show it.

Maybe one day Henry will learn to see people for who they are. If he really pays attention.

That night, lying sleepless in his bed, Henry recalls all the forty-seven names and faces, one by one. Then he takes an oath: he will earn Abigail's forgiveness if it is the last thing he does.

Author's note: I'm still looking for a beta (and English is still not my first language…), so please feel free to point out any mistakes I might have made.