Gray went back home.
He dropped Juvia at her house and headed towards his flat.
Once inside, the door closing hollowly on his back, Gray was hit by a strange, unwelcome sensation.
Has the house always seemed this big and cold? He wondered as he walked inside and pieces of clothing were falling from his body as if by magic. He was just wearing his underwear by the time he got to the tall glass windows. They showed the city from above, the lights, the people, the buildings – they were in constant movement, even when snow started falling.
Gray pressed the tips of his fingers against the glass. The cold from outside almost reached him, yet, he felt an even greater cold from the inside.
Lifting his hand, the small condensation vanished in an instant.
Gray turned his back to the window and walked to the pristine white sofa, falling heavily onto it. He'd never felt the weird sensation he was currently experiencing. But, why?
I wonder if I made a mistake… he asked himself, contemplating the cloudy sky and gaudy lights. He closed his eyes and turned to the other side, lying down on the sofa. I wonder… The thought remained floating in the air. And Gray made sure to close his eyes and keep it away from him.
But, life in the city wasn't the same as when you're in a town that has been slightly removed from the world at large. It is fast and complicated and keeps on going. There's always movement and even stored energy will soon be set in motion.
Gray was no different.
Life went on as usual. He went back to the usual rhythm of things.
Soon Gray was too deep into the routine of work, meetings, meals and catching up on several other things so he got distracted.
He didn't notice that his family and friends were observing.
But Gray was back to the job, meeting with writers and editors, still courting the somewhat prickly Jellal Fernandes – thought Risley couldn't wait until she could start really working with him and she made that known.
New editors, new authors, new stories.
Things were going well.
Not exactly well, though.
Gray couldn't stand the slightly gloating airs Juvia sometimes sported, in those moments where she thought no-one could see her.
But Gray saw.
And it enraged Gray, deep down.
She might've gotten her way but it wasn't over, not to Gray.
And it would be at that moment that Gray would catch himself.
It is over. He always had to think sternly. There was never anything there.
Those thoughts depressed Gray.
He was making a good effort at throwing himself deeply into work but it just was not enough.
"Do you want to come over?" Sting said on the phone in his you're-doing-this-and-you're-doing-it-now voice.
"Sure. What time?"
"Go to our place after work. Someone will be there to open the door."
"Okay, I'll see you then."
At least Gray would be distracted while hanging out with friends – that always helped pushing the not so nice thoughts in the back of his mind.
Later, Gray was being welcomed into Sting and Rogue's house. The decorations, while not too overwhelming, did exude a warm feeling of Christmas.
That made Gray freeze.
He felt a strong, nearly overwhelming yearning.
It came from the depths of his core and left him shook.
It was almost like a slap to the face, leaving him without reaction.
"Gray?" Rogue asked. He was snapping fingers in front of Gray's eyes so that told him that he'd been gone for a little while.
"Ah, sorry. I… I was a bit distracted," he gave his friend a short smile before following him to the living room where Sting was sitting in his armchair but was being held hostage by the two cats in his lap.
"Sting was right. Something is wrong with you." Rogue sat in one corner of the sofa and motioned at Gray to do the same.
"There is nothing wrong with me," Gray rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. Being purposefully obtuse.
"Of course not. That's why you haven't complained about the Christmas decorations and such yet." Sting counteracted with a winning smirk.
"I don't have anything to say about that."
"Yeah, that doesn't seem to help your case, Gray…" Rogue couldn't help but say.
"And whose side are you on, anyway?" Gray complained, barely above a whine.
"Yours." Was the answer by both of his friends.
"Then why the interrogation? Is this what you were planning to do during the whole evening?"
"Of course not." Sting looked positively affronted.
"We just want to help you with whatever's eating at you." Rogue cut in, already knowing where the conversation was going. "We can see that there is something."
"It's nothing." Gray grumbled.
Rogue looked at Sting and they seemed to be at a loss. Gray felt bad for his friends. He was aware that he was acting weirdly but he was set in pretending nothing had happened.
Because it hadn't.
"So, how are things at work?" Gray asked, in a very unsubtle change of subject. He could see in the other's expressions that they wouldn't let the matter go, but for the moment they did.
On the next day he went to lunch with Wendy, ate dinner with Ur and had an argument with Lyon about work. He also busied himself with work - lots of work. So much so that he could barely breathe without thinking about work. Or worse, that his thoughts strayed and he noticed how much he missed Natsu.
Yet, no matter how much he busied himself and he strove to tire himself during the day, whenever he would get home, the reality landed on his shoulders.
Gray closed the windows, not wanting to look at the vast city, the way the lights reminded him of a tall Christmas tree, of a certain clearing. He spent his nights on his sofa instead of the bed. Strangely, he was having some reluctance towards sleeping in his room.
Gray had known, growing up, that there was a certain coldness in his life after his parents had died. He knew that Ur and her family had done the best they could.
But Gray had never felt like this.
He was finally realizing the thick walls of ice around him. And the cold was still spreading.
Gray closed his eyes and huddled on the sofa, hiding under a soft duvet.
He hoped for a dreamless night.
Natsu didn't let the change get to him.
That was how he was, he rolled with the punches, adjusted and always kept going.
So, Natsu kept himself busy. Work, friends and the town preparations for the celebration pushed him to continue going.
"I can't wait for the snowman contest," Lisanna was saying, drumming her fingers on the countertop, shifting from one foot to the other and tapping her foot to a beat only she knew. There were no customers at the moment so they were relaxing.
"Why? Planning on entering it?" Natsu asked in a teasing tone but even he could hear that it was slightly hollow.
"This year the Strauss family will win!" she said after a beat. "How about you?"
"Me?" The question was asked in a very surprised voice. The deadpan stare Lisanna gave Natsu had him rolling his eyes. "Hey, I'm not going to do anything other than circle around the food contests. I might get lucky…" the smile he pointed towards Lisanna had her stare turning to a frown.
"That's not fun, Natsu." She complained.
"Well, I don't have much time for fun. I'm busy." Natsu stood and started getting ready to go out. "And speaking of which, it's time for me to go. Gotta go meet Elfman."
"You're not fooling anyone, Natsu." He could still hear Lisanna's words long after he'd left the coffeehouse. They didn't sit well with Natsu.
"Ah! There you are, Natsu. Ready to help out?" Elfman boasted as soon as Natsu walked into the warehouse.
"Sure thing. What have we got?"
Elfman pointed him to the area where there were people already carrying heavy loads of cargo from one place to the other.
Natsu quickly joined in the task at hand. There was still a lot to do and Natsu was ready to lose himself in the motions.
Later, much later, he went home, only getting the time to drag himself to bed and fall on it, half dressed. He passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow.
It wasn't the first night this happened, but all the help was needed, he reasoned. At least this way he didn't have the time to think about unnecessary things.
The cycle repeated in such a way that his friends – the traitors – called Igneel so that he could check on Natsu.
"How are you doing?" he asked worriedly.
"I'm okay. Lots of work to be done, as you know." Natsu replied in a nonchalant way.
"Your friends are worried about you, you know?" Igneel's reasonable voice made Natsu feel guilty.
"I don't see why…" he started saying.
"Natsu." Igneel admonished. "They told me what happened. And why you're acting like that."
"Nothing happened though." Natsu complained.
"No? And what about that conversation we had about Gray?" he reminded in a gentle way.
"Huh, that… that's – that was nothing, in the end." Natsu's fluster reached his voice.
"But you didn't think so when we talked." Igneel stopped for a beat, waiting.
"No. But things aren't always like we want them to be. I am enough of a realist to get that." Natsu said harshly before all the fight left him with a sigh. "Sorry. I… I don't want to talk about this."
"I won't make you. But remember that I'm here if you need anything." Natsu could feel Igneel's earnestness even through the phone.
"I know, dad." He assured him. "Thanks."
"Good. Now, have you been eating well?"
Natsu couldn't help the laugh that bubbled from him. It broke the tension between them.
"Yes, I've been eating very well. Don't you worry." He said with a small smile. From then on the conversation eased into other topics.
Still, Natsu kept working himself to the bone. Even Happy seemed to be worried, if him always being close to him at every moment he was at home was of any indication.
But Natsu was stubborn.
He knew what was best.
One night, as he had offered to be closing the coffeehouse, Natsu was cleaning the place – having nearly pushed Lisanna out the door. He couldn't help but be grateful for his friends. They were really great.
While dusting the place, Natsu saw the snow globe. It had been a while since he'd actually looked at the thing and the thoughts that surfaced had him nearly staggering. He caught himself on the counter and took a couple of deep breaths.
He'd seen a number of people making the wishes but he'd pushed those things to the side. And maybe, it looked like it was his turn.
With a deep breath, Natsu stood straight and walked to the object. He picked up the snow globe, looking at the contents twirling and being so carefree. It was a sharp contrast with the way he was feeling.
Finally, closing his eyes, Natsu shook the snow globe and made his wish.
I wish to be with my loved ones and that we all have happiness in our lives.
He opened his eyes and placed it down. A frown on his face.
Quickly, Natsu finished cleaning and turned off the lights. He closed the door and promptly left.