Chapter 2: Fateful Encounters
The long string of profanity that followed my discovery would have put sailors to shame. This kid was Naruto. As in, the Naruto—Protagonist of my childhood favourite TV series.
Pardon my French, mais c'est quoi ce bordel?
"Satoya, you okay?" the kid in question asked with a puzzled frown, "You keep making weird noises."
Indeed, I was not swearing in Japanese. Disregarding the benefit of not corrupting a young man's mind with my words, it wasn't nearly as fulfilling to curse with a limited vocabulary. You couldn't get creative with your insults.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I assured, my voice cracking.
My heart was beating a mile a minute and it felt I might hurl my guts out at any moment. It was one thing to hypothesise a Big Bad Evil Guy™ existed out there in the world. Getting such theories confirmed with near-certainty bumped the terror-scale up a whole bunch of notches.
"I knew it," Naruto said, pressing his lips together. His eyes gleamed, and he looked halfway torn between seething in anger and falling back apart into tears. "You were making fun of me."
Cold sweat dripped down my back.
What do I say? Should I apologise and become friends? But what if I alter the timeline? Maybe it's just a coincidence. No way I really landed in a dumb self-insert plot, right?
Who knows, this all could just have been a cruel cosmic coincidence, though there was one surefire way to test my hypothesis even in a three-dimensional world. Ignoring Naruto's imminent mental breakdown—please don't make this your villain backstory—I leaned out of the nearest window and stared across to the town's adjoining cliffside.
"How did I miss that?"
There they were. The four Hokage.
I wonder if they'll also change the way they look every other day like in the anime.
Actually that raised an interesting question. Did anime rules apply in this universe? Based only on my small sample size it explained a lot of over-the-top reactions I'd witnessed from other kids.
"Stop ignoring me, bastard!"
I spun around. Dammit this isn't the time to get lost in thought. Naruto had finally decided on which emotional meltdown he'd rather have. His angry aura fully saturated the room.
It was nothing compared to the crushing murderous intent I'd felt from Chiyoko yesterday. And honestly, facing the extremely sharp angle of his brows paired with the orange crackles I swear sparked off him, I couldn't stop myself from snorting.
"That's it!" Naruto snapped, shortly before letting out a high-pitched battlecry and rushing full steam ahead straight toward my location.
When will you ever learn, Satoya?
We crashed together and landed in an undignified heap on the ground. I refused to take his punishment lying down,–Okay. I technically already am.–and fought back. Hair was pulled. An arm was bitten. There may have been some blood shed. Nothing was illegal in a playground wrestling match.
I would have gotten away with a win too, if not for that meddling-
"Leave him alone, you Devil!" Shizuka barked across the room, rushing forward and wrangling us apart.
I quickly went limp. Naruto, however, kicked and struggled himself free from her grip and retreated to his bed. With his hair and clothes all ruffled, he reminded me of a feral cat.
"I'm sorry, Nori-San!" I immediately stated. I couldn't afford sabotaging another relationship with my superior like last time.
Shizuka pinched her nose and sighed in exasperation. "What did he do to you, Satoya-chan?" she asked, kneeling down and clasping my shoulder as she pulled out a handkerchief. "You poor thing," she added, wiping blood from a scratch on my cheek.
Oh right. 'Devil' must have referred to Naruto, not me.
An insidious thought bubbled into the forefront of my mind. I could tell her anything. Barely ten minutes in and I already had the chance to ruin the protagonist's life. I peered over Nori's shoulder at Naruto. Wide-eyed and frozen like a deer in headlights. No doubt he knew just how much power over him I had at this moment.
"It's my fault. I hit him because he didn't want to play with me," I confessed, guiltily staring down at my feet.
"Oh dear, there are plenty of other people to play with, Satoya-chan. There's no need to associate yourself with the likes of him." Shizuka had directed her latter statement specifically in Naruto's direction. Now it was his turn to guiltily stare at the floor. She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes into slits. "I'll deal with you later, boy."
Though I'd just vowed to make a more positive impression on her than I had on Chiyoko, my mouth got the better of me. "Hey, {bitch}, I just told you it was my fault. What's your problem?"
Shizuka whirled around and gaped at me. My body tensed in preparation for what was to come. Shizuka, however, merely left the room in a huff. I let out a relaxing breath. That went better than expected.
"Whaddya do that for?" questioned Naruto, arms crossed. "I coulda dealt with it."
Right. I still needed to address the Jinchuuriki in the room. I needed to think my choices through logically.
On the one hand, being friends with Naruto could alter the future. On the other, breaking my previous vow of friendship might horrifically disrupt the future if it somehow jades Naruto beyond recovery. Not to mention, if I was being honest, becoming one of his precious people would greatly increase my odds of survival no matter what ending this universe was heading for.
I only hoped he'd still trust me after ripping at his hair and smacking him in the nose.
For the first time in my life, I bowed to another person. "Please accept my sincerest apologies, Naruto-kun! I really didn't mean to be rude. I just get distracted easily."
He narrowed his eyes in suspicion.
"And I also must apologise for fighting back so violently," I sheepishly added. "I just got out of a… troubling situation from my last orphanage."
He nodded in comprehension and clapped my shoulder, which… huh? He can't possibly have heard what happened.
"Alright, I'll be your friend," Naruto finally said, showing off all his teeth in a wide smile. "Us troublemakers need to stick together!"
That was surprisingly easy.
To really seal the deal, I prompted Naruto to show me around the Orphanage. We eventually wound up in the common room and I took the chance to peruse their book collection.
I clutched my chest and fell to my knees. "It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!"
Naruto looked momentarily bewildered, but shrugged off my theatrics without comment. He didn't understand my pain—my relief. Such an incredibly well-stocked collection was a momentous discovery. Finally I'd gotten access to an actual reading and writing primer! I quickly picked out the instructional books on Katakana and Kanji, adding a dictionary on top. Following my lead, Naruto grabbed himself a picture book.
The rest of the evening was spent burying my nose in the texts. Naruto muttering how weird I was only slightly detracted from the experience.
Late that night I found myself unable to sleep.
Of all places to wind up reincarnating, it just had to be Naruto. On the one hand, awesome because that meant it wasn't just any plain old magic system I would be able to learn, it was Ninjutsu!
Of course, there were Genjutsu, Taijutsu and Fuuinjutsu too, but nobody cared about those.
And sage arts. Though I definitely don't want to risk turning to stone.
Anyway, Ninjutsu was great. My inner weeb was practically squealing in delight for the past hour. My more rational side was a lot more troubled. How would I deal with Tobito in the future? Should I just let the canonical storyline run its course?
My trove of information was rather limited and possibly faulty. That applied not only to chakra, it applied to every aspect of the series. I'd read so much fanfiction in the past I could scarcely tell fanon from canon anymore. Even under the pretence that I could flawlessly recall every little detail, future events might not follow the manga's storyline at all.
Clearly this world couldn't be a perfect recreation. Did people really talk for ages before starting their battles? If the general storyline was indeed followed, were fillers canon? I swear if Mecha-Naruto shows up I'll flip the heck out.
Should it turn out this truly was a near 1:1 carbon copy of the original manga storyline, it would not bode well for me. The Naruto universe was deadly. Not having heard anything about any "Satoya Ibui'' either meant he didn't exist in the original story, or was a noname background character. Worse, he could have died before he got a single bit of screentime. My recurring sickness certainly helped paint a grim picture.
Best case scenario: To be a stereotypical isekai guy who got reborn into an awesome fictional world, went on to abuse his knowledge of the future to fuel a meteoric rise to godlike power, and gathered a harem composed of literally every single living creature that he ever came into contact with.
Not sure if that one isn't actually the worst case.
Aiming for such heights, however, would be pure lunacy, especially for someone as ill-suited as me. The man called Jonathan Golsby was not exactly 'hero material'. Dying hadn't changed that. I'd gladly shunt the world's burdens off to my dear new friend, Naruto. He managed just fine without me in the original timeline.
'But isn't this my chance to become someone greater?' was something only stereotypes would say. Developing into a powerful shinobi took extreme effort and depended hugely on natural aptitude. Naruto had his giant chakra reserves, a colossal orange fuzzball made of even more chakra, nigh-limitless stamina, infectious charisma, and an unbreakable will.
Meanwhile, what did I have?
Chakra sense–really just a way worse version of the byakugan that bordered on crippling oversensitivity at times–and above average chakra reserves. If one also accounted for my defective body's deleterious tendency to display debilitating symptoms, I wasn't much better off than a standard person.
The only thing remaining to be addressed was my reincarnation and its attached perks. Mainly, knowing much of the manga's plotline and major story beats. The bitter truth of the matter is that knowledge of the future is not nearly as amazing as it sounds.
The very first time you alter past events, intentional or not, could already veer the storyline so far off track as to be unrecognisable. The good old butterfly effect in action. To highlight my point, let's pretend I save the third Hokage during Konoha Crush. It's an obvious, good-hearted choice to make. Yet what would his survival mean down the line? Could it cause the other villages to be more fearful of Konoha and perhaps spark a new war? If such a war took place, how would the Akatsuki react? Would Naruto maybe end up dying before the events of Shippuden?
Congratulations, you've doomed the world!
Even small things might cause terrible change. Befriending Naruto, the very situation I was currently in, could mean he won't end up his usual boisterous, attention seeking self when he grows older. That way he'll actually focus on his studies. Maybe this was an OP!Naruto story all along, and before I knew it I'd unwittingly become part of a harem.
Congratulations, your future knowledge has become useless in record time!
I didn't want to be pessimistic here, but knowing the plot truly only went so far.
At least I still had my education, which hopefully meant I could solely focus on parts of the academy curriculum that improved my survival odds instead of learning math and basic science. Sadly, I doubted my master's degree and talent in software engineering would be of much use in a world where people dropped meteors out of the sky with their eyes.
Maybe I should just flee to a different country and help advance the world's computer technology?
Except I was pretty much clueless in the Hardware department. Not to mention being a software engineer hardly turned out well for me last time anyway. No, if I wanted to succeed, it needed to be on wildly different terms. This life would not just be a knockoff of my last.
This was my chance to become something grea—"{Eugh! I really am just a goddamn stereotype,}" I hissed to myself, palming my face with both hands. I should have just accepted it right away. I arrived in Konoha, so I was going to become a shinobi. I'd never forgive myself for anything less.
When in Rome, do as the Romans do.
However, a problem remained. I'd never been in the military, or even much of a fighter at all in the past. I was completely out of my depth. Becoming an influential shinobi would require boundless conviction, dedication and willpower. Did those all mean the same thing? Yes, but that just went to highlight the importance of hard work. Mob characters had no true shortcuts to strength.
At least not until I learned enough to attempt some of the more outlandish jutsu munchkinery. The most obvious of which, might I add, I would never be willing to try out since I wasn't an absolute psycho. No reanimation. No gathering collections of Sharingan.
So, what was the plan? Same as before, only now I'd have to dial it up to 11. Keep training my chakra use. Force myself into some physical activity when I could. Pray my illness doesn't flare up.
And dear God. Don't ruin the plot!
My precious remaining rest was rudely interrupted a short few hours later. Naruto, that inexhaustibly excitable little brat, figured the best way to get in my good graces would be to pull the bed covers off of my still-sleeping body at the crack of dawn.
"C'mon Satoya! If we leave now, we can play some before breakfast!" he whooped, entirely too loud for comfort in such a small room.
I firmly squeezed my eyes shut and groaned in a way that vaguely indicated he should leave me alone. Naruto didn't even register my complaint.
"I even let you read yesterday," he continued unperturbed, "Please please pleeeease."
Too bad for him, I was not in a charitable mood. Not only did I barely get enough sleep, I could already tell it would be one of those days where my body refused to cooperate. All the standard warning signs were there. Prickling extremities, joint pain, heartburn. Soon I'd no longer be able to stand up straight. Naruto, of course, knew none of these things as he jubilantly tugged at my arm.
Why do you hate me, God?
"Naruto I can't today," I protested, weakly pulling at his fingers with my free hand. The kid had an iron grip. "I'm serious. I have a sickness and can't handle too much physical activity."
That seemed to do the trick, and Naruto immediately let go of my arm. I let out a sigh of relief, moving to pick my blanket off the parquet floor.
"But you can do some, right?" he pleaded, fully abusing his cuteness. His talk-no-jutsu, while still early in development, was already quite effective. I wouldn't fall for it.
You literally just told yourself you'd try harder a few hours ago, Johny. Is this what dialling it to 11 looks like? Pathetic.
"Fine," I replied in grumpy defeat. Not like I'd have fallen back asleep anyway.
Naruto barely gave me enough time to make my bed before wrapping his arms around me from behind and squeezing the air from my lungs. Though my body protested, I couldn't help but feel I'd made the correct choice.
I was then shown how to escape from the building unnoticed. It turned out the orphanage had a trap door leading to underground evacuation tunnels. We popped out on the Hokage monument stairway. Naruto led me to the top and into the forest behind the four stone faces.
According to Naruto, this was 'the awesomest place to hang out'. Though he didn't specify why, only that it was a surprise I'd surely enjoy. It turned out better than I had dared hope. We arrived at a small forest clearing outfitted with a number of self-painted, chipped wooden targets and a straw training dummy. A private training ground, hidden in the leaves.
"Where did you find all this stuff?" I asked with a note of genuine astonishment.
"Made it myself! What kinda ninja would I be if I didn't!" he said boastfully, then suddenly cringing. "You probably think that's stupid, huh?" The words lacked the heat I would expect from Naruto. More like a defeated sense of anticipation.
"Why would I think that's stupid?" I asked, waving off his concerns, "You're a real MacGyver. And Ninjas are awesome, who wouldn't want to be one?"
"Macwhatser?" Naruto asked before doing a double-take. "You think I'm awesome enough to be a ninja?
"Maybe not yet," I admitted, playfully nudging him in the shoulder before he could glower at me. "Eventually though? I'm absolutely confident you could be."
His eyes glowed with fierce determination. "You bet! I'll be the awesomest ninja ever." With a mischievous smirk he added, "So, you gotta help me train up."
Should've expected that one…
I massaged my temples, trying to preemptively nurse the growing headache. Maybe doing a little bit now wasn't too bad of an idea; Before the symptoms got worse.
"Oh, alright," I agreed, sighing melodramatically, "I'll do what I can while I don't feel too sick, but don't expect this to become a regular occurrence!"
While I feared for my condition at first and lacked any semblance of bodily fitness, Naruto successfully roped me into a regular training habit. Provided my illness did not take me completely out of commission, we headed out to the forest every morning and afternoon. I felt like death for the first few weeks. However, as my constitution improved, soreness became a non-issue. Eventually, I even found myself relishing the sensation.
Endorphins were a hell of a drug, and in tandem with my growing strength, my recurring sickness had lost much of its bite. Whether this was a direct result of my training or a natural consequence of growing older, I couldn't say. It nevertheless generated a positive correlation in my subconscious mind that I was more than happy to abuse.
By the time our one-year friendship anniversary came around–Yes, I counted. Don't judge me.–I was practically unrecognisable. Gone was the sickly child, and in his place now stood… an outwardly mostly normal looking boy with measurably more stamina.
Excluding my enhanced endurance, the change went a long way toward making me feel less trapped in my own skin.
Looking different than in my last life hadn't really bothered me when I was very young. Far more perturbing was having been reborn at all. However, as time passed and I grew accustomed to the environment, I felt more and more of a disconnect between body and soul.
Back on earth, I, Jonathan, had been a healthy kid. I ran around lots, played soccer, climbed around the jungle gym, and ate far too much junk food. I may have been a little overweight, but–not to toot my own horn–it only served to enhance my cuteness.
Satoya on the other hand started as a pale, frail child. Black hair was my only carry-over. The rest was all wrong. A lack of healthy baby fat had highlighted already sharp features to an uncanny degree. Combined with my silver eyes, I looked like a child possessed by a spectre from beyond—a macabre manifestation that mirrored my material circumstances.
I couldn't thank Naruto enough for his part in easing these mental burdens, and not just through training. The kid may have been hyperactive and loud, but he was also surprisingly insightful at times. Not to mention his infectious intensity.
Jumping from tree to tree, doing front and backflips, dashing around the forest and launching pebbles at targets; Naruto was a menace. I tried so hard to keep up, but our abilities were worlds apart. The guy could have been an Olympic gymnast in our world, and he was barely over four!
At least I could balance out my feelings of inferiority with my superior mental skills. It wasn't sad to compare myself to a literal 4 year old, was it?
You know it is, Satoya.
Even after getting fitter, I couldn't just stay outside and train for more than a few hours per day. The rest of my time was spent returning to my old routine of practising chakra control and reading every single book I could get my grubby little hands on. Once I ran out of those in far too short of a time, I switched gears toward brushing up my calligraphy and penmanship–both the drawing and writing kind.
I also helped Naruto with schoolwork. Unlike my previous residence, the Konoha orphanage had a surprisingly extensive preschooling system. One that Naruto would have gladly skipped out on entirely, had I not convinced him otherwise. The teachers didn't much appreciate my actions.
In fact, we were barred from the orphanage for the rest of the day at the moment thanks to him sneaking a toad into the building. I took it in stride, since it was hardly the first time we were forced to skip our meals. By now Naruto and I both knew the best spots to harvest nature's bounty.
We'd been fishing by a creek, when out of the blue Naruto asked me, "Do you regret it?"
"What do you mean? Going for fish instead of setting rabbit traps?" I responded.
"Becoming friends…" he clarified, hugging his knees. "Without me you'd be treated better."
I raised my brows. Sure, had I been a normal kid, then getting shunned would have been emotionally devastating. In actuality it was a huge boon. Not only did it guarantee that Naruto remained mostly an outsider like in canon, but it also allowed me to learn and practice all sorts of things without attracting unwanted attention.
Wouldn't want Danzo to get any bright ideas.
"Oh c'mon, Naruto, you know me!" I reply, tousling his hair. "If something bothered me, you wouldn't need to ask. You'd already be well aware."
He glanced up at me for a second before averting his eyes to stare at the flowing water.
"No, really. It's okay, Naruto," I assured, "The others are all a bunch of stuck up dummies anyway. I'd much rather hang out with you than be coddled by them. Getting called a monster does not make you one, and anyone who thinks that of you just hasn't gotten to know you well enough."
His expression immediately brightened and he gave me another one of his trademark toothy smiles.
Good job reciting Naruto's own words back at him, John.
"Anyway, you better be paying attention to your line there," I asked, gesturing to his fishing pole. "The food won't catch itself."
"Ehh, but I wanted to try and beat my old tree climbing record," he responded, disappointed.
"Food first, climb later," I declared, "I don't want to hear you complaining about your hunger."
A growing boy's appetite was nothing to scoff at, especially one as physically active as we were. Though Naruto was on a whole different level. I supposed harbouring a big angry fox in your gut sapped a lot of calories. Still, it was probably worth it. Glowing chakra demons were pretty darn handy when it came to long term survival.
Yet even they aren't enough to stand up to the worst that this world could throw at you.
I could not afford to fall too far behind the power curve. However, as I had just advised Naruto, training would need to wait until my stomach was fuller.
I peered into the rushing water.
Or… two birds with one stone?
Though chakra manipulation remained extremely uncomfortable, I had not let that stop me from advancing my mastery, even if only a little bit. I stretched my arm out above the creek and started the troublesome process. It itched; Like ants crawling through my veins to my fingertips. Once I saw the telltale blue light, I shoved my hand under water.
"Uhh, Sato, What's that supposed to do?" Naruto asked, having bemusedly watched my actions unfold.
"I heard that shinobi can walk up trees by sticking their feet to them with chakra," I said without thinking. "Maybe some fish will stick to my fingers."
"Wait really? I need to learn how! That would be so awesome," he exclaimed.
Welp, there I go altering the timeline again.
"Hold on. I don't even know how to do it!" I hastily replied, holding my hands up, "How're you going to learn it?"
"Okay, then teach me how to do the chakra thingy you just did!" he pleaded with his big puppy dog–Gah! You are not falling for that again, Satoya!
"How about this: Once I actually learn to climb trees using chakra, I promise you'll be the first one I teach," I proposed. "See it as your one-year friendship anniversary present."
"It's been a whole year?" Naruto gaped. "Wait, it might be ages before you learn that!"
"Patience, my young {Padawan}," I said, renewing my fruitless effort to lure fish.
Naruto ignored my advice and searched for a good tree to climb. "Betcha I can figure it out myself. That way I can teach you instead. I'll be ready in an hour, tops."
I snorted at his confidence. "You think you'll outpace the grand master of the {Jedi} order?"
Naruto just rolled his eyes. He wouldn't let me stop him even if I used force.
While Naruto tried to treewalk without any clue about chakra control, I steadily grew more and more bored with my own chakra fishing failures and eventually opted to instead sketch around in a small notebook I'd brought along. I was close to finishing a shoddy rendition of Luffy when I heard a yelp in the distance, followed by a thud and splash of water. I jumped up to my feet and dashed in Naruto's direction.
If he broke something I swear to God I'll smack his head so hard!
It thankfully didn't come to that. Instead, I stumbled into view of Naruto staring at his hands in awe. He'd caught a fish.
"Here I am, trying to fish like a civilised person, only to get bested by someone who wasn't even trying." I kneeled down to punch the ground. "I'm a disgrace to my clan!"
Naruto gave me a bewildered look. "You got a clan?"
"Uhh no… that was a joke," I clarified.
He snorted. "That was so awful."
"Gee thanks."
I may not bring forth technological enlightenment. But at least I can corrupt people with crappy humour.
After fishing, we spent the rest of our afternoon scouting around for some herbs and mushrooms while I steered us away from any larger chakra signals in case they were predators. Once the sun had set we returned to our go-to camp near the Hokage Monument. Naruto was in charge of the fire while I cleaned the fish.
Not to brag, but we wound up with quite the feast. Five stick-roasted fish, lightly seasoned with lemon balm, and a whole basket of mushrooms to be boiled in a stew over the fire. Good thing I'd stolen some salt from the kitchen when we left.
Should've taken some pepper too.
Once the first few were ready, Naruto and I each took one and silently savoured their delicious umami flavour.
"What the heck!?" I reflexively shouted as an old man suddenly popped into view to sniff at Naruto's fish. He had a mostly full head of white spiky hair and matching goatee. His wrinkly skin was covered in blemishes. He seemed familiar somehow, but there was a more pressing concern on my mind.
How the heck did I miss him coming? I might have gotten a bit too good at ignoring civilian chakra levels.
"Who are you?", Naruto asks him.
"Just an old man passing through," he said, placatingly waving his arms. His eyes told a different story. The man clearly wanted a bite of our food.
I was about to tell him to buzz off before Naruto interrupted with, "Do you want one Jiji?"
I shot my friend a betrayed look. I needed to teach him about stranger danger one of these days.
"Oh, I couldn't possibly," said the old man. The rumbling of his stomach immediately disagreed.
"Here, Gramps, eat this," Naruto said, handing over a stick.
Dammit, Naruto!
"Oh, thank you. This looks very good," the old man answered.
"We did catch them ourselves," I stated, clenching my fists but keeping a faux-polite smile firmly in place.
"Yeah, you bet it's gonna taste good then!" Naruto added.
"Is that so?" the old man chuckled, before taking a bite and burning his tongue. "H-Hot!"
Serves you right for taking our hard earned food! This is why being as selfless as Naruto would realistically lead to a life of suffering.
Then again, he somehow made it work originally. Kurama would surely bail him out should push come to shove.
I kept eyeing the man with furrowed brows while the three of us ate the remaining fish in silence. After finishing my own portion, I flopped on my back and stared up to the sky, doing my best to ignore the stranger by focusing on the stars.
You never got such an amazing view back home. I wonder how everyone's doing?
I may have never amounted to much, but I did have family. I had… friends. People who might have been sad I was gone. Who I'd never ever see again. I raised an imaginary glass to the sky.
Cheers, Louis. I hope you found happiness and didn't mourn me for too long.
As if reading my mind, Naruto broke the silence with a question: "Ne, Gramps, how did you meet your best friend?"
"Me? I met him when I first joined my genin team," the old man replied with a soft smile. "That must have been, oh, fifty years ago now."
"Ehh, you were a shinobi?" Naruto commented with his mouth agape.
"Is that so surprising?" Gramps chuckled, "Just like any young man in those times I wanted to become a great shinobi! To protect my comrades and gain influence so I could craft a brighter future."
I raised a brow, "I don't suppose you succeeded. All things considered, the world at large is a pretty dreary place."
Though the old man remained unfazed, Naruto took offence in his stead. "Don't be so mean, Satoya!"
Gramps huffed in amusement, "It's alright, my dear boy. Your friend here must be quite well read to hold such a belief." He'd said that last bit with a disturbingly perceptive gleam in his eye.
"I'll say," Naruto said, unconcerned with our silent staring contest, "He reads all the time. And he keeps nagging me to join him because it's 'e-du-ca-tio-nal'. Why'd my first friend gotta be someone so in love with books!?"
Gramps' sudden guffaws echoed throughout the clearing shortly following Naruto's words.
"You mean, why'd my friend have to be so in love with books," I teasingly chided over the ruckus.
"See what I mean, Jiji?" pleaded Naruto. This only made the man laugh even harder.
"Of course, things do not always work out as one hopes," he eventually managed after calming down. "The universe is a complex thing. And the world does not revolve around the whims of a single individual."
"Is it not precisely such a defeatist attitude that breeds compliance?" I countered, happy for any chance to philosophise. Gramps took a minute to digest my words.
"Hmm. Perhaps you're onto something. The right kind of person, with enough personal might and strength of character, would indeed have the power to change the world."
"I want to change the world!" Naruto exclaimed. "I want to prove everyone wrong. That I'm worth more than they think! If people were to accept each other. If they stopped being so afraid and hateful, and tried to understand one another…"
"The world would certainly be a far better place," I finished.
The old man gazed up into the sky and sighed deeply. "Look at those stars. Each one of them is like our world's sun. What do you think? The sheer amount is incredible, eh?"
"The sun? That giant thing that shines on the sky during the day?" Naruto asked, glancing back and forth between the stranger and the stars.
"Yes. This world is boundless. Compared to the vastness of the universe, man's existence is very insignificant. The things that we humans fret about are petty indeed."
"No kidding", Naruto said. "The u-ni-verse is big, huh. It just goes on and on…"
He was interrupted by the sound of my stomach growling.
"Sorry," I said awkwardly. "I think the mushroom stew is about finished," and though it pained me to say it, I still asked, "Would you like some of it, old man?"
"Are you sure you can spare me some?"
"Sure we can!" Naruto enthusiastically answers. "You tell great stories, Gramps."
I handed out some bowls we snuck out of the orphanage's kitchen a few weeks ago. They were meant for our use anyway. I was already enjoying my first few bites as the old man asked me whether I knew if these mushrooms were safe to eat.
"We'll know by tomorrow, won't we?" I joked, knowing from experience they weren't dangerous.
"I'm sure we'll be fine," Naruto added.
You'd be fine even if they were legitimately poisonous. The kyuubi makes sure of it!
The old man didn't seem bothered. He spent our remaining meal regaling us with tales of his youth and the various hijinks his genin team got into. Though he remained cagey about the specifics.
It was quite late by the time we finished up. Naruto offered the old man a place to sleep in one of our tents. Thankfully, the man declined and I could spend the night without Naruto elbowing me in the face.
In the early morning of the following day we took some time watching the clouds on our favourite spot atop the fourth Hokage's head. Our peaceful silence was interrupted by Naruto mumbling.
"He's right."
"Hmm?" I asked in response.
"Gramps was right, yesterday. Compared to the entire world, I'm insignificant," he explained, blotting the sun out with his hand as if to grasp it.
I don't think I like the sound of this.
"I'm so small, whatever I do…"
Did a single philosophical debate with an old man break Naruto? Was the world doomed because he lost his cheerful demeanour?
T'was a good run, Satoya. Maybe third time's the charm.
"But that doesn't matter! I may be small, but so is the world," he declared, "I'll make people acknowledge me for who I am. I'll change it so nobody gets left behind!"
I breathed out in relief.
"C'mon Satoya, let's go!" Naruto called racing down the stairs.
"I think I'll just walk, thanks," I muttered under my breath. Why was Naruto in such a hurry to get back to our room?
As it turned out, Naruto was not planning to return there at all. No, he was planning something more audacious.
"You want to paint 'Home of the great Uzumaki Naruto' on the orphanage's outer wall?" I asked. "Wouldn't a prank be better if nobody knew it was you?"
"Don't be silly. How would I get famous then?"
"Naruto… that's not the point of pranks," I clarified, palming my face. "They're to mess with people and get a laugh out of it."
"Pfft. You think too small," he explained, shaking his head. "To make the world better, I need people to listen to me. I need people to see me. With my pranks I'll ensure everyone in Konoha knows my name!"
That actually made a strange sort of sense. I supposed I should be glad Naruto still held grand ambitions, even if he hadn't spouted his go-to 'I'mma be Hokage' line yet.
"Plus, it will be so funny once I get good enough no one can prove it was me though they know it was!" he added.
Ah, there it is. Naruto you delightfully devious little devil.
"I'll help you out. Can't have you steal all the fun," I said with a wink.
Naruto wrapped his arm around my shoulder, leading us forward. "To a productive day!"
Long story short, we both wound up getting barred from sleeping indoors for the second time in a row.
It was totally worth it.
A few weeks following the advent of Naruto's and my pranking career, I finally got to speak with my very first shinobi. A member of ANBU, even.
"Under authority of the Hokage, I request the release of one Uzumaki Naruto and one Ibui Satoya," said the man from behind his porcelain cat mask.
"Did we do something wrong?" I inquired, tugging at the man's pant leg.
It's so weird how little chakra he emits. If I didn't just touch him, I'd doubt he was even really here.
"I will escort you both to the third Hokage," the shinobi said. "He will inform you personally of what is to come."
That sure sounded ominous. Maybe I shouldn't have encouraged Naruto's prankster nature.
On second thought, the third Hokage was always a huge softie in the Anime. We'll probably be just fine.
Naruto was uncharacteristically quiet on our way to the third's office, which worried me slightly. He didn't normally fear authority… Perhaps the Hokage was a special case?
"Psst. Is something wrong?" I whispered.
"You don't think it's because of the itching powder, do you?" he asks, meekly staring at the ANBU's neck.
I took a hard look at the man escorting us. He had a similar hairstyle, mid-length brown curls, but what were the odds that the first shinobi we dare prank was part of the Tokushu Butai?
"I doubt that's the cause. Even if, this would be a huge overreaction. I trust the Hokage has a completely innocuous reason for calling us."
"In-noc-uo-us?"
The door to Hiruzen's office slid open before I could explain the word.
"Ah, welcome, welcome. Why don't you children take a seat," he said with a disarming smile. It bore an awful strong resemblance to…
"You're the old man from the forest!" Naruto exclaimed as I sat down beside him, choosing to remain silent for now. How shameful of me to not have recognized my own Hokage.
Stupid. I really should have seen that coming.
"Indeed I am, Naruto. I've been quite interested in finding out more about you after our talk. Such a bright young man forced to go hunting for his own food? I am truly disappointed in the audacity of our own citizens."
Wow, he sure is laying it on thick. Not like he's known about Naruto this entire time.
"As a token of my sincerest apologies, I'd like to offer you a place of your own. You will still be looking after yourself, but I will personally pay your rent and increase your monthly stipend."
So that's how he got his apartment…
From an outsider's perspective, the Hokage's actions seemed like a sympathy-driven act. Any kind-hearted person who noticed how Naruto was treated would want to help out. However, why would the Hokage take this long to notice? I severely doubted he'd keep the village's Jinchuuriki completely out of his mind.
Call me a conspiracy theorist. But to me this seems like a blatant attempt at manipulation. Make Naruto believe you 'saved' him from his crappy living standards and he'll feel indebted to you.
In retrospect that meant I too manipulated Naruto into caring about me. It may have accidentally been the smartest thing I did in my second life. There was no safer role than being one of the MC's friends after all.
Except Neji, I guess. The ship had to sail somehow.
"Pardon me, Lord Third. Does this offer extend to the both of us?" I inquired.
"Of course. Why else would you have come here?" he responded, "You've both proven to be good influences on each other, and more than capable enough to care for yourselves."
Huh, so the meeting in the forest was an evaluation of our mental maturity?
"Can you truly afford to take care of the two of us? I wouldn't want to intrude," I asked. Hiruzen didn't canonically seem the shady type, but I still didn't like owing people I barely knew favours.
"No need to worry," he assured. "One of Konoha's apartment buildings has recently finished reconstruction. Lack of space will not be an issue."
Lack of funds not even considered. The hokage must be loaded.
"I see," I intoned, wringing my hands, "Will we be sharing accommodations?"
"No, the apartments are too small to share," Hiruzen stated. "I will, however, make sure to place you two in neighbouring rooms."
Naruto's eyes lit up.
"You hear that Satoya? We'll be next door neighbours and get to live on our own! This'll be so great. We can come and go whenever we please. No longer have to follow mealtimes, and be as loud as we want!" Naruto exclaimed in jubilation.
It's exciting alright. Though for completely different reasons than what you said. Oh the joys of never again needing to deal with a screaming child.
Well, except for Naruto that is.
I masked my musings with a simple, "Sounds great."
"That settles it. I will have someone pick you up tomorrow morning for the move," the Hokage concluded. We were ushered back out of the office a moment later.