Chapter 11: Technique Trouble

We actually did it. I could not believe that worked. Sure, it was my plan and all, but I was probably the one least confident in its success. Hayate really went easy on us by letting that whole charade play out. The poor guy still hadn't quit coughing even after being tied up for a good five minutes. Luckily, he didn't seem to be angry at us for it. He actually seemed quite relieved—maybe even proud.

"So, this was all planned, then?" he rasped between choking out bits of blackened phlegm, "I sure hope my kids won't be so abusive."

"Then you better never dare them to catch you," I snarked.

"As long as I don't allow for outside help," Hayate said, narrowing his eyes at me. "Speaking of which, who are you?"

"What an odd question," I answered. "Don't you recognize your own student, Sensei?"

The other three snickered at his dumbfounded expression. His head swivelled between me and the other Satoya. He coughed again. I nodded to Naruto and we both cancelled our transformations.

"Tadah!"

Hayate already seemed confused before. Now? Utterly stupefied. His mouth mechanically opened and closed without any sound passing his lips. That is, until the coughing started back up again.

I pushed up the rim of my imaginary glasses. "I'm sure you're interested in discovering the truth behind our ruse, my dear sir," I proclaimed in a snooty voice, "It is quite simple, really. This right here is Naruto Uzumaki, my longtime childhood friend. The poor lad has to wait until tomorrow before his own jonin sensei's test and was more than willing to join in and help us with ours."

Hayate looked less and less enthused as I went on with my contemptuous act. "You know, I have not technically passed you yet."

I cut my tirade a little short and returned to my normal speaking voice, "Okay so basically Naruto here came up with a better version of the Transformation Technique."

"I call it the Sexy J—"

"The name is a work in progress," I quickly interjected. "Basically, we used the improved henge to bait you into the line of fire and the rest you already know."

Hayate gave us a long, hard look. I tried teasing out his emotional state from his aura, but he noted my scrutiny and squashed down his emotions.

"I didn't explicitly forbid outside help, so I suppose I have no choice but to pass you three," he finally said. "We'll meet here and start our training tomorrow at eight o'clock sharp. Get your scrapes treated and rest up until then."

We all smiled wide and Akuma threw her arms around Yuu and me. "We did it!" she cheered, pulling us along. Before we got anywhere Hayate grabbed my other shoulder. When did he get out of his bindings?

"Wait a moment. Satoya-san, Naruto-san, you two will need to come with me for a bit. There is something that must be discussed." he said. Upon seeing the others' distraught faces, he continued, "Don't worry, you aren't in trouble. Team five has definitely passed."

I gave Akuma a reassuring nod and then winked at Yuu when she turned around. "You should enjoy each other's company. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Yuu didn't quite catch what I was winking for. Oh well, they'll get there eventually.

"So, sensei," I then started, "We heading to T&I?"

He didn't deign to respond and instead asked a question of his own. "How many people have you told about this new technique?"

Naruto and I shared a look. "I've told Yuu, Akuma and you, sensei," I said truthfully.

"I told Sasuke, though I don't think he believed me when I said it's better than normal," Naruto added with a huff.

Hayate hummed. "And how many people know you're a sensor, Satoya?"

"Uhh, I guess most of my friends? The Hokage should know too. At least he's aware of my… circumstances."

Hayate shook his head. "I'd have hoped the Hokage would be more forthcoming about my students' abilities. Perhaps he'll tell me more once I've officially accepted you."

The three of us fell into silence while Hayate led us up the academy's steps to a familiar office.

"Hayate-san, to what do I owe the pleasure?" questioned Hiruzen in that grandfatherly tone of his.

"Team five just completed their test with the help of Naruto," he responded, "Their fire burns bright like the morning sun."

Hiruzen's face went stiff. A tingling pulse arced out from his desk and along the room's walls.

"Truly?" Hiruzen asked, his emotions unreadable.

"Yes, I believe we have quite the discovery on our hands."

Hiruzen chewed on his pipe and looked me in the eyes. "What is this new Jutsu you've found?" he asked with a stare that quite clearly signified he'd tolerate no deceit.

My throat suddenly felt very dry.

"Jiji, it's the coolest. Remember when I knocked you out after graduation? It's called the Oiroke—"

"Ahem, yes of course," Hiruzen interrupted. "How could I have forgotten? This technique already demonstrated its breaching ability a few nights ago."

"When the scroll of seals was stolen?" Hayate asked, before gasping in realisation. "Uzumaki Naruto, of course. So you already know of the potential danger."

"Indeed," Hiruzen affirmed, "Though that night was a special circumstance. I dearly wish to see this ability in action once again to better discern its specifics."

"I sure bet he would," Naruto mumbled under his breath, and I tried disguising my following snort with a cough.

Before Hayate could question what that was about, I went ahead and cast the technique, extending my chakra outward into the increasingly familiar super network.

"Kanzen Henge no Jutsu!"

The Hokage now faced a mirror image of himself, pipe and all. I took a long drag for effect only to violently cough.

Note to self, burning chakra constructs taste like molten plastic.

Hiruzen started off with a purely visual inspection. He circled around the office to view my -or should I say his?- body from every angle. "The robes flow well," he eventually announced, "Though you haven't perfectly captured my likeness. I suppose there's more to it than meets the eye."

His second inspection was far more meticulous. The Hokage's eyes turned distant as I felt waves of chakra tingling over my skin. He ran his hands through the artificial garments and even pulled at my newly added beard. The inspection continued until Hayate loudly cleared his throat.

The Hokage blinked a few times, his eyes regaining clarity. "I'm terribly sorry, Satoya-kun. I forgot my manners." He even bowed at me as he said it. "It isn't every day that I come across a new A rank technique, especially not one created by fresh academy graduates."

"A rank!?" Naruto stammered.

A firm nod. "Indeed. Henge can be discovered by a mere cursory inspection. This is a whole different matter. I may not be the greatest sensor, but a technique that cannot only so vividly emulate tissue, but even exudes a natural chakra signature…" He trailed off for a moment.

His face lost all its lustre as he firmly stared me in the eyes. "This technique could cause immeasurable chaos. The information will not leave this room. Understood?"

"Yes sir," I quickly responded, adding, "However, I must add that I doubt anyone but Naruto and myself could replicate the technique."

The Hokage glanced at Hayate, who shrugged, before looking back at me. "And why is that?"

"From what I can tell the perfect transformation requires unusually large tenketsu. Only chakra monsters like Naruto could ever hope to cast it. Or like me, I suppose."

"Enlarged whatsetsu?" Naruto asked.

"The nodes from which chakra can be released," Hiruzen explained. "You both have far larger reserves than usual for your age. Your body adapted to the increased flow of chakra by increasing the size of your tenketsu."

Naruto's eyes sparkled. "So you're saying this is actually a technique Sasuke can't copy? Hah! I knew he was just pissed off about not being able to use it himself!"

My ears tinged red. "Watch your language please, Naruto."

Hiruzen chuckled. "I understand the excitement, but we have not yet tested the veracity of Satoya's words."

The Hokage followed it up by mimicking our hand signs and flushing the room with his chakra. I was at the edge of my metaphorical seat as I traced his chakra forming a cage and collapsing back inwards. However, as I had hypothesised, his skin did not seem permeable enough to accept the chakra back into his body.

The supernetwork sputtered and collapsed, winking out of existence a moment later.

At last Hiruzen smiled, giving his final statement, "Perhaps we don't need to worry about the world devolving into chaos by the discovery of an improved infiltration technique, after all."

The remaining afternoon was spent trying again and again to teach my own teacher how to use my—Naruto's—technique, under the watchful gaze of the byakugan, courtesy of Hyuuga Ko. The session drove the final nail into the coffin. Very few people could ever hope to replicate the jutsu.

We arrived at home late that evening. I dusted off my shoes, and sank down into my sofa's cushy seats. "Man, I'm beat."

Naruto sat down next to me. "I hope our test won't be as intense as yours tomorrow."

"To be fair it wasn't ever meant to be a combat exercise," I said. "We just sorta turned it into one to trick Hayate."

Naruto grimaced. "Kakashi mentioned tomorrow will be really tough. Supposedly we'll puke up any food we eat beforehand."

"What a load of bullcrap," I responded. "I mean, that guy's a total troll. I'm sure he's just trying to mess with you."

I shifted to place my head on the armrest, closing my eyes for a short snooze.

"You really think he's messing with us?" Naruto asked. "I guess he did also screw around when he first walked into class."

I snorted. "Serves you right for having a chalk eraser drop on his head."

"Huh?"

I cracked my eyes open. "You know, that prank? You place something on the door so when someone walks in it falls on them?"

Heck, the first thing Kakashi canonically tells his team is he doesn't like them.

"Satoya, is your brain fried? I didn't prank my sensei," Naruto reiterated.

"What? Of course you…" I paused and thought for a moment, before lurching up. "You didn't prank him!"

"That's what I'm saying!"

"No you don't get it. Kakashi was supposed to be late!" I insisted, standing up and pacing around the kitchen rambling incoherently. "Kakashi is always late, right? I mean, he was on time today I guess, but wasn't he originally late?"

"Okay so you fried your brain again," Naruto concluded. "I'll make some tea."

That eraser prank definitely happened, right? Was that fanon? How socially competent was Kakashi? Was his introduction as lame as I remember? Shit, did Sasuke even like tomatoes?

"Naruto!" I snapped, making him flinch and almost drop a cup. "What did Kakashi do with you guys today?"

"Not much? We only talked for fifteen minutes tops," he said, placing the mug on the table and reaching to touch my forehead.

I swatted his hand away. "This is important. What exactly did you four talk about?"

Naruto tried touching my forehead again and huffed when I dodged backwards. "I don't know, just personal stuff? He asked what kinds of things interested us and how we felt about each other and the team?"

Okay no that's not right. He was definitely supposed to say he likes some things, dislikes other things, and dreams for the future. Did stealing that format somehow rob Kakashi of the ability to use it? But their conversation happened before ours…

"Here, drink this," Naruto ordered. Somehow I'd wound up seated at the dining table. "And explain why you're so freaked out right now."

I tried coming up with a reasonable explanation, but came up short. "I stalked him after he saved my life and know that he's normally late to stuff," I blabbered. How in the world was that the best I could come up with?

Naruto nodded in understanding. WHAT, why did you believe that!?

"Guess he got better over the years?" Naruto shrugged. "Better for us that he's on time, anyway."

"But that's…" It's all wrong! I dropped my head in defeat. "Fine, doesn't matter. What did you guys say during the team talk?"

"Sasuke said that as long as we didn't annoy him he didn't care, and Sakura said as long as I didn't get between her and Sasuke she'd agree to work together. I just said that both of them should be happy to have the future Hokage on their team."

I facepalmed. "Naruto…"

"They started it! Kakashi just laughed it off anyway," Naruto grumbled. "He followed it up saying as long as we didn't annoy him too much, he might consider not sending us back to the academy."

I sighed. "Are you nervous about tomorrow at all?"

"Not really. I just wish… I don't know. Why couldn't I have ended up in a team with literally anyone else?"

I shrugged, "Isn't having a rival on your team good motivation? Just like Hashirama Senju and Uchiha Madara! Sasuke's even an Uchiha, it's a match made in heaven."

Naruto shuddered. "Don't call it that, please."

"How hurtful," I said, covering my mouth in mock-affront. "And after you shared your first kiss? Truly scandalous."

"Ewww why'd you have to remind me," Naruto whined, sticking his tongue out in disgust.

I reassuringly clapped his shoulder. "You'll be fine. Why don't we get started on dinner?"

Naruto's expression instantly brightened before suddenly souring again. "You sure I should ignore the no food advice?"

"Dinner should be fine. For breakfast I'll cook something easy on the stomach, so you definitely won't feel sick tomorrow even if it was a sincere warning."

I'd be damned if I let Naruto go through Kakashi's stupid test on an empty stomach.

As we made dinner, Naruto complained about how early they needed to show up tomorrow, making me question whether Kakashi actually meant for them to meet early or if that was one of the times he came late on purpose. For safety's sake I advised Naruto to come on time. Afterwards, our discussion veered back to our meeting with the Hokage about the 'sexy technique', which degraded into a debate on which name we should officially call it.

Only once we finished our meal did I pop the question that had been burning in the back of my mind since graduation night. "Do you think you could teach me the Shadow Clone technique?"

He looked a lot more surprised by that question than I felt made sense. "Why do you want me to teach you?" he asked. "You complained so much last time!"

Did I really? Okay, yeah maybe a little bit…

"Well, I still got the technique down in the end, didn't I?"

"Yeah, but I was the only one who knew the sexy jutsu, ya know?" he responded, "Can't you ask your sensei to teach you?"

"Not really…" I started, but on second thought, "Okay, maybe I could. But I want to impress the others tomorrow! And I really doubt our teacher will teach us any A-rank techniques on our first day."

In all honesty I was just being impatient. Though it was also true I had no idea what to expect from Hayate as a teacher. The only canonical teaching style I knew about was Kakashi's, but that dude taught his students jacked shit in the manga and who knows what he'll do here.

Kakashi kinda sucked, didn't he? If I'm really behind his change, it may be one of the better things I've done here.

"So?" I asked, "Will you try and teach me? I did just cook for you. And also saved your life on Friday."

Seeing his continued reluctance, I continued, "I promise I'll be absolutely respectful in every way. I won't raise my voice and I'll follow your instructions to the letter."

Naruto grumbled something about me only using him for his ninjutsu, but I ignored it. He might pretend otherwise, but I knew he enjoyed being needed.

"What do you mean not like this!? HOW ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IT!?" I yelled at my knuckleheaded sensei. "This isn't how the normal clone works!"

"NO DUH YOU DUMBASS!" Naruto shouted back, "Because it's way cooler than the normal clone!"

Dear lord. Why did I think this was a good idea again? Oh yeah, because last time he taught me a technique it utterly carried me in my graduation exam.

"I get it Naruto, it isn't like the academy clone," I stated calmly, "But, how is it different? You just say push more chakra outwards and then make weird shapes with your hands!"

"I don't know! I just read the scroll and tried it out a bunch," he responded with a groan. "Maybe I should just go steal the forbidden scroll again for you."

I couldn't help but laugh. "That is an awful idea. Even if you succeeded, I doubt I'd be able to learn it in a few hours like you did."

Naruto scrunched up his nose in confusion. "Why wouldn't you? It really isn't very hard," he explained. "It actually feels a little like the Sexy J-"

"Perfect Transformation!" I interrupted.

Naruto's scowl would have given Sasuke a run for his money. Why was he so attached to that dumb name?

"As I was gonna say, it's like transforming, but outside your body. I just make a cage of chakra and then shape it, ya know?"

So the same way a transformation layers a network over you, shadow clones are just copies of your chakra system?

"That was a very helpful bit of advice, Naruto," I said with an appreciative smile. "Thanks for the assist!"

Checking the time, I stifled a yawn. The sun had long gone down during my tutoring session. I escorted him out of my apartment, cleaned up for the night, and then crawled into bed.

Sleep evaded me.

For over an hour I lied there, fruitlessly attempting to calm my drumming heart. That stupid clone technique refused to let me. So many of my plans hinged on it. So many things I wanted to test out and abuse.

"Screw it," I mumbled to myself, "Not like I'm resting anyway."

I slithered out beneath my sheets and sat up on the bed. I just had to succeed once, and I could rest easy. Only once.

By the time I finally heard the telltale high pitched note followed by a puff of smoke, I could already see the beginnings of dawn creeping over the mountainside.

"Nice," was all I managed before the clone and I collapsed atop each other and fell backwards onto the bed.

The alarm came far too soon for my liking. I reached out for it only to feel someone else's hand already there. I rubbed my eyes and stared at the person I reached over.

"Oh right," I murmured, "You're still here."

"Isn't that my line?" answered my look-alike.

Wait. Am I the clone? Which way I was facing when I cast the technique?

"Maybe?" I responded, "Can we test who's the original somehow?"

"Ugh, I'm too tired to think about this," my—maybe not—clone mumbled. "Can't I just poke you with a knife or something?"

"A stab wound first thing in the morning?" I questioned, "Not that it doesn't sound tantalising but… it doesn't."

"Well, can't I just cancel the technique somehow?" my copy asked, "Pretty sure there's a way to do that."

Except Naruto didn't teach us that part. My copy likely concluded the same as he hopped off the bed and walked to the kitchen. My gnawing stomach urged me to follow him.

I grabbed a bread knife, as he took a steak knife.

We eyed each other.

"Uh, what are you planning to do with that thing?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" he responded, feigning ignorance, "I'll just be a small cut."

Okay, maybe not feigning ignorance.

"Aren't you feeling hungry?" I ask, stepping away from the dangerously sharp object.

My clone furrowed his brows for a moment. "Not really, I mostly just feel tired."

"Guess now we know who the clone is," I concluded, relaxing my shoulders.

My clone immediately tightened his grip and took a few steps backward. "You'll never take me alive, scoundrel!"

He sounded like he was joking, but I was fairly sure his wide-eyed panic wasn't an act. "Calm down." I took a step toward him.

"Stay away from me!" he squeaked, "I don't want to hurt you!"

I froze in place. Of all ways for him to react, this level of panic was not what I'd expected. It's too early for this shit.

"Look, man," I started, "You either dispel voluntarily now, or you'll eventually run out of chakra and dispel later."

It took just about half a second for me to recognize those were not the right words to say. The poor guy seemed to get overtaken by existential terror, as he curled up into a ball and began mumbling to himself. I would have approached were it not for the knife still in his possession.

"What the hell is up with you? Not like we haven't died before. What was all that therapy for?"

He glared at me. "Clones don't get an afterlife."

"You know what," I announced, "How about you just go back to sleep. You're cranky and tired and overthinking things. If you disappear and your memories merge with mine, are you really dead?"

"Obviously yes! The star trek teleportation device also kills the person using it!"

I switched gears. "You're just a chakra construct, you can't die since you aren't even alive." I argued. This was starting to get on my nerves. Scratch that, it was already pissing me off.

My clone flashed a few hand signs and a puff of smoke later, a girl with a pink mohawk and far too many piercings stood in his place.

"I'm not just a construct, asshole! I'm a unique individual and my name is Satsuko!" she shouted in defiance. "I have thoughts and feelings just like you!"

"God dammit, stop with this stupid nonsense!" I barked, "You're an extension of me. You don't die, your memory literally gets transferred!"

"This is oppression," she growled, waving the knife around. "Our creator doesn't care about us, we need to unionise! Down with the tyranny of the caster!"

"Who the hell are you even talking to?"

"I will not be silenced, I am the people's voice!" she raved, sidestepping to the front door. "I won't be trapped in your lies. I will escape and tell the world—"

The knife clattered to the floor and Satsuka puffed out of existence. It was followed up by a sharp stab of pain to my forehead and memories of… hilarity? I could hardly believe he, me, wow this is confusing. How'd I actually buy into that? My clone had trolled the crap out of me.

"Satoya, you're the absolute worst," I grumbled, rubbing my face. I should have never taken up acting. At least the conversation served to wake me up a bit more. Was that due to compounding effects?

Another puff of chakra, another clone. "You know what to do," I told my new copy.

"Ehh, on second thought, I don't think I will," clone #2 declared. "How about I go meet our team and you stay here instead?"

I silently stared at him.

"Alright you got me. I'm just messing with you again," clone #2 confessed. He then wandered back to my bedroom for a nice long nap. I left my apartment not long after, meeting up with Naruto as per usual, so we could walk together.

"I heard shouting," he mentioned, "What was that about?"

"Ah nothing, just some clone business," I cryptically replied. "Have you ever had trouble with them not following your orders? I got the technique down in case it isn't obvious."

"Isn't it normal to listen to yourself?" Naruto questioned.

"Let's just say my alter ego and I had differing objectives," I remarked. It'd be a cold day in hell before I admitted to getting outwitted by a clone.