Are You Sure?

by Patriceavril

The Daily Prophet is full of bad news, everyone's tense and worried, and on top of all that, the seventh years still have piles of homework and N.E.W.T.s to worry about. The Marauders get through it together with the help of some mischief, a lot of firewhisky, and a dramatic outburst or two.

2. This is everyone's fight

Monday, January 2, 1977

"Do you want to meet tonight in the usual spot for dueling practice?" Peter muttered to Lily.

James had wandered halfway down the Gryffindor table to talk to one of the other Chasers about Quidditch practice, and Sirius and Mary had left lunch early to smoke a cigarette before the next class. With the others gone, Peter had seized the opportunity to bring up the topic that had been on his mind since before Christmas.

"Yeah, all right," Lily said, glancing over at Remus. "Are you in as well?"

Remus nodded, then looked down at his hands and picked at his cuticle. "I think we should tell the others."

"No," Peter said automatically, imagining the look on Sirius's face when he found out Peter had to practice dueling in secret just to avoid embarrassing himself. "We're not telling them."

"Remus is right," Lily said. "They need to know."

"Why?" Peter demanded, his sandwich forgotten halfway to his mouth. "Why now?"

Lily put a hand on his arm and leaned closer. "You heard about Abby Gamp's parents not letting her come back. She's the first, but I guarantee she won't be the last. Things are just getting worse, Peter, and we can't just sit around and pretend it's not happening. We need to be ready. We all need to be ready. What's the point of hiding what we're doing, when they can help us practice and get better?"

Peter sighed. "I don't mind telling Mary, and I suppose you can tell Prongs if you absolutely have to, but can't we leave Padfoot out for now? He doesn't need–"

"We're telling him," Lily insisted. She looked over at Remus, who had been pointedly staring down at his Charms textbook rather than participating in the argument. "Remus, don't you agree?"

Remus closed his Charms book and looked up at them, resigned.

"Yeah, I do. I know you're nervous about him taking the piss, Pete, but I honestly don't think he will. He needs this just as much as we do. And the more of us there are, the more practice we can get in." He reached across the table and patted Peter's shoulder. The gesture and the warmth of his smile reassured Peter, but he still couldn't banish the image of Sirius's mocking grin.

"Yeah, all right," Peter muttered before taking a large bite of sandwich. "But you two can be the ones to tell them," he added, still chewing. If Padfoot bloody laughs at me, I swear I'm never trusting Lily's opinion again.

When they reached the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom and settled into their seats, Lily nudged Mary, then turned around and tapped Sirius's desk to get his attention. He stopped drawing obscene doodles on Remus's parchment and looked up.

"What?"

"I want to tell you all something."

Peter sunk down lower into his seat, staring down at the textbook in front of him without absorbing a single word.

"I – we – thought it would be good to practice dueling," she began, and James dropped his quill to look at her, his eyes widening in astonishment. "We can meet on the nights James doesn't have Quidditch. There's an unused classroom on the second floor that works well."

Sirius frowned and narrowed his eyes. "Who's we? And what do you mean, that unused classroom works well? That sounds like you've been doing this for a bit."

James shrugged. "It's news to me, but I think it's a great idea."

Lily beamed at him, but Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Of course you do – you'd say anything Evans suggests is a good idea, even if it's completely mad."

It was Lily's turn to roll her eyes. "You're more likely to suggest something completely mad."

"You're not wrong, but you didn't answer my question," he said, drumming his fingers against the desk as he looked around at the rest of them. Peter blanched under his scrutiny. Lily and Remus both glanced at him; there was a beat of uncomfortable silence, and then Lily tossed her hair back and met Sirius's gaze.

"We've been meeting for over a month now. One night the three of us got talking about how important it was to be prepared for a dueling situation, and we ended up wandering the corridors and found that empty classroom and did a bit of practicing, and then we just sort of kept going."

Peter fiddled with the sleeve of his shirt, afraid he would give himself away if he looked at Lily. His heart pounded, but he forced himself to take deep breaths as he fought to keep his expression neutral.

"I didn't want to tell you, because you all had so much going on, but now things seem to be getting worse…" She made a vague gesture to encompass all the bad news splashed across the pages of the Prophet. "Anyway, I figured we should all be practicing."

James reached across his desk to take Lily's hand. "You didn't have to keep it from me just because of Quidditch. There are things more important than Quidditch–"

Sirius gave an incredulous snort of laughter.

"Well, and there are four days a week that I don't have Quidditch practice," James said, grinning. "I think dueling practice is a great idea, and not just because you suggested it, Evans. Although I'm quite looking forward to seeing you duel."

Mary grimaced. "I'm pretty sure I make funny faces when I duel. Black's going to laugh at me."

Sirius reached up to toy with a lock of her hair. "I am absolutely going to laugh at you. I can't wait."

"Maybe we can start tomorrow, after the prefect's meeting," James said, his face lighting up with eager excitement.

Everyone murmured their assent. Peter looked up from his book, attempting to catch Lily's eye, but then Professor Macyntire cleared his throat and called for their attention. Lily turned around to face the blackboard and began copying the notes, leaving Peter to sit there, so overwhelmed by gratitude and relief that he missed a whole section of notes.

"Thanks," he murmured to her later as they maneuvered through the crowded corridors. "You didn't have to do that. I just…" He sighed and shook his head. "I froze."

She glanced over her shoulder at James and Sirius; they had fallen behind after inexplicably deciding to carry Remus and Mary piggyback.

"It doesn't matter to me one way or another. But you shouldn't be so worried about what they think."

He raised his eyebrows. "Easy for you to say."

She glanced sideways at him, surprised.

"Sorry," he said, his face flushing. "I just meant–"

The words caught in his throat. How could he explain the constant onslaught of self-doubt he battled on a daily basis, the mocking comments he brushed off, the uncertainty about his place in the group even after seven years? How could Lily understand – slim, pretty Lily with her Outstanding-level marks, adored by everyone in the group without even having to try? He sighed and shook his head; there was no point bothering to finish the thought.

"It's okay," she said, touching his arm. "But they do love you. We love you."

Her fingers rested on his arm for a moment, and then she pulled away as Sirius and James raced along the corridor to catch up to them.

"No fair, Prongs," Sirius said, jostling between Peter and Lily. "Macdonald weighs more. She's slowing me down."

"You aresehole," Mary said between peals of laughter. "Are you calling me fat?"

"Don't take it personally, Mary," Remus said. "If he was carrying me, he'd be complaining about how much I weigh."

James released his hold on Remus's leg to give Sirius a two finger salute, then took off running down the corridor, dodging confused students. Sirius swore, then tightened his hold on Mary and raced after them, the sound of their laughter lingering even after they were out of sight. Lily and Peter exchanged amused looks as they continued making their way to the common room, but neither of them continued the conversation. Peter returned to her words over and over that night, reassured by the warmth of her touch and the earnest quality of her We love you.

Tuesday, January 3, 1977

The prefects stood in clusters of two or three, chatting and laughing, but James cleared his throat and the noise died away. He reached for Lily's hand and laced his fingers through hers before running his hand through his hair and addressing the group.

"Right, thanks for coming, everyone, and I hope you had a good holiday. If you haven't heard by now, Abby Gamp has left Hogwarts to be homeschooled, so we'd like to introduce her replacement. If you don't know her already, this is Cindy Montgomery."

A short brunette smiled shyly and waved, then returned to staring at her shoes. Across the room, Stacy Tremblay leaned over and whispered something to Donald Fawcett. James sensed an undercurrent of tension in the room, lurking underneath the casual smiles and friendly greetings. They all seemed to be waiting for him to impart some important knowledge, although he felt very unprepared to follow through on this task.

"Obviously she's new to this, so it would be great if you could all show her what to do and answer any questions she might have. Welcome, Cindy, we're glad to have you." He flashed her an encouraging smile. "The next thing I need to mention is–"

"Is no one going to talk about why Gamp didn't come back?" Georgia Farley interrupted.

"Her parents are homeschooling her," James said. "That's what McGonagall's told us. Some people do it. When I was younger I played in a summer Quidditch league with a homeschooled bloke. He was nice enough, but definitely a bit odd."

"But why all of a sudden?" Georgia insisted.

"Isn't it obvious?" Stacy Tremblay asked, her arms crossed and a confrontational note in her voice. "Her parents don't think it's safe for her to come to school."

"I don't blame them," Donald Fawcett murmured. "Did you hear what happened to those Muggle students in Bromley?"

"I don't see what her parents have to worry about," Bertram Aubrey put in. "The Gamps are a pure-blood family, and it's Muggles that keep dying or going missing."

"For now," Lily shot back, and the sound of her voice startled James. Her eyes blazed and her voice rose with righteous indignation. "It's only a matter of time until they start coming after anybody who opposes them, regardless of blood status."

"There's no actual evidence of that," Felicity Greengrass said. "And saying things like that just creates fear and hysteria. So people see others panicking and it makes them panic even more, when there's no real threat at all — that's what my parents think, anyway."

"But of course you don't think there's a threat!" Lily said. Her body trembled with fury, and she wrenched her hand free from James's so she could use it to gesticulate. "You're a pure-blood. You don't have to worry about something happening to your parents while you're at school. That Muggle couple killed last week, that could be my parents next!"

"You're Muggle-born?" she asked, incredulous. "For some reason I always thought you were half-blood. Wow, and you're Head Girl."

"No need to sound so surprised, Greengrass," James said, bristling at her tone.

"I didn't mean anything by it!" she insisted. "I just meant that it's impressive!"

Lily's expression hardened. "I don't see how my blood status makes it more impressive that I'm Head Girl, but whatever you say."

"Anyway, I was just saying Abby Gamp would be in no danger, if there is even any danger to speak of," Felicity went on.

"The Gamps are Sacred Twenty-Eight, aren't they?" Georgia asked.

"No," Greengrass said, shaking her head and shooting Georgia a sideways glance, as though she couldn't believe anyone would make that mistake. "But either way, she's not Muggle-born, so she should be just fine."

"It's not just Muggles dying or going missing," Remus said, so quietly that James had to strain to make out his words. "Look at what happened to Megan Bernard. The Bernards are a pure-blood family."

"She was becoming very politically-involved," one of the Hufflepuff prefects argued. "She should've been more careful."

"So she deserved what happened to her?" Lily demanded.

"No, but—"

"But it wasn't her battle to fight," Bertram Aubrey said. "She should've just minded her own business and she'd still have her life and her Quidditch career."

"You're wrong, Aubrey." Remus's eyes blazed and his hands formed fists at his side. James was torn between apprehension and exhilaration, because Remus only got this angry on rare occasions, and he knew Aubrey had no idea what he'd gotten himself into. "Her best friend here was Muggle-born, as well as the Beater she played with for England. So in that way it was her fight. But it's everyone's fight, and you're a self-centered arsehole if you think otherwise."

Aubrey stared at him open-mouthed, too shocked to speak. Lily's eyes were wide as she took a step forward and stood next to Remus in a show of solidarity. Across the room James saw Stacy Tremblay whispering to Donald Fawcett again. He had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that he ought to do something to stop this, because he and Lily were running this meeting, and Lily was too angry to walk away now. Her breathing was elevated and her eyes blazed and James couldn't tear his gaze away from her. He wanted to stand beside her and defend her against everyone who opposed her, then hold her until her anger burned out and turned to the inevitable sobs of exhaustion and sorrow. But first he wanted to fix this image of her in his mind forever, because when she was fired up like this, raging against the injustices of their society, she was at her most beautiful.

"Who the fuck are you to call me names, Lupin?" Aubrey demanded, recovering from his shock and returning to his previous state of fury.

"He's right, Aubrey," Lily said. "This is everyone's fight. We can't just sit here and let someone else deal with it."

There was a derisive snort from across the room, and everyone turned to look at Snape. Up until this point he had remained silent, slouching beside Gerald Urqhart, but now he glowered around at them with his hand resting on the edge of his pocket where James knew his wand must be concealed.

"What?" James said. His voice was too loud for the small classroom, but the volume seemed necessary to penetrate through Snape's thick skull. "If you have something to say, just bloody say it."

"You're all a bunch of fucking hypocrites," Snape spat. "Standing around shouting about how it's everyone's fight. Tell me, Evans, what are you doing to further the cause?"

The last three words dripped with derision, and James's hand flew to his wand against his will. Snape noticed the movement and his sneer deepened. "Going to hex me, Potter? That's not an abuse of power or anything."

Snape knew James couldn't hex him, not in front of all the prefects, and the taunting tone in his voice was almost too much to take.

"Don't fucking speak to her, Snape," James said, his voice a low warning. "Are we supposed to be impressed by your implication that you're the only one actually doing anything? You're on the wrong bloody side. Is that really something to brag about at a bloody prefect meeting, that you've joined up with a bunch of murderous bigots?"

"I never claimed anything of the sort," Snape shot back. He was gripping his wand so hard that his fingers were turning white. "I'm not going to stand here while you make bloody accusations."

He strode from the room, muttering under his breath. As he passed Lily, James heard him whisper something that sounded remarkably like Mudblood.

"What the fuck did you just say?" James shouted, but Snape's only response was to slam the door so hard behind him that Lily jumped and made a strangled sound of surprise.

"Fucking arsehole!" James put a hand on Lily's shoulder, realizing he was now shaking harder than she was. "You heard that, right, Evans?" When she only shook her head, James rounded on Remus. "Moony?"

Remus glared at the door as if the force of his fury could summon Snape back.

"No, but I don't care. I'm all for going after him and making him pay for it anyway."

James could just make out his words over the pounding of his own heart. Remus's rare anger fueled his own, drowning everything else out until his only coherent thought was his blind rage at Snape. He took a step toward the door—

"Potter!"

Stacy Tremblay stood in his path and pointed across the room. Frowning, James followed where she was pointing and saw Cindy Montgomery staring at the floor with tears running down her cheeks. The sight of her distress pierced through his haze of anger and left him with a nagging sense of guilt.

"Oh, shit," he muttered, touching Lily's arm to get her attention before crossing the room to speak to Cindy. "Cindy, I'm sorry. It's not usually like this."

Cindy looked up, eyes still brimming with tears. "It's all right," she said as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "It's just, my family got into a screaming match about all of this over Christmas dinner. My uncle walked out and hasn't spoken to us since. I was just hoping to get away from politics when I came back to school."

Good luck with that, James thought, but he concealed his pessimism behind an encouraging smile. Lily had followed him over, and she handed Cindy a handkerchief and gave the girl's arm a reassuring pat.

"I don't blame you, and like I said, it's not usually like this," James said. "I think everyone's just a little tense these days, and things got a bit out of hand."

"But we're really glad you're here, and we really appreciate you stepping up to take Abby's place," Lily added.

"She wrote to me about it," Cindy said, dabbing at her eyes with Lily's handkerchief. "She said it's not bad, doing patrols, and sometimes the meetings are fun." A shy smile spread across her face as she added, "She said you did a secret Santa gift exchange last month."

James recalled the friendly, festive atmosphere of their Christmas party just a few weeks ago, so different from the tension and raised voices of today's meeting.

"Yeah, we did," he said. "And I was thinking of doing something for Valentine's Day, too."

"But, I dunno. I'm not sure I can do this," she said, shaking her head. "I think I'm going to tell Professor Sprout it's not for me after all."

James and Lily spent the next few minutes cajoling Cindy into giving it another chance. By the time she agreed to think about it, most of the other prefects had filtered out of the room. Only Remus, Stacy Tremblay, and Donald Fawcett remained. Remus glared down at his shoes, still too angry to speak, but Stacy and Donald exchanged solemn looks and approached James and Lily.

"We agree with you," Stacy said, and Donald nodded. "This was all a bit, well, Gryffindor of you, and I'm sure someone's going to complain to McGonagall about it, but we're not going to say anything."

"Snape's an arsehole," Donald said, a note of apology in his tone as he looked at Lily. "I don't think the rest of them meant anything by it, but…" His voice trailed off and he shrugged. "Anyway, just wanted you to know that we're on the same side in this."

"Try not to cause any more trouble, though," Stacy added. "If you get banned from being Head Boy and Girl, who else is going to want the hassle and responsibility? I certainly don't."

She crossed the room with Donald following behind her, but stopped and called over her shoulder, "Tell Black he's a tosser for me, will you?" before striding through the door.

James, Lily, and Remus set off for the common room, but nobody spoke for several minutes. They were almost to the Fat Lady when Remus put his face in his hands and swore. The sound was so jarring in the silence of the corridor that Lily jumped and let out a little shriek for the second time that evening.

"Sorry," he said, coming to a stop and leaning against the wall. "Fuck."

The torchlight illuminated his pale skin, and James noticed tiny glints of silver in his hair for the first time. He looked exhausted.

"It's okay, you just startled me, that's all," Lily said, putting a hand on his arm.

He shook her off and heaved a frustrated sigh. "No, I mean, now everyone at that meeting probably thinks I'm deranged. You probably think I'm deranged."
"Of course I don't." Lily leaned against the wall beside him and touched his arm again. "I've just never seen you get angry like that before."

His expression darkened and he glanced at James. "Good," Remus muttered. "I try not to let anyone see me lose my temper like that. I was just so bloody angry."

"So was I," Lily said. "I still am, to be honest." She looked at James, her green eyes full of concern. "Are you all right? You haven't said a word."

James wrapped his arms around her and held her for a moment, breathing in the scent of her hair until the rest of his anger drained away.

"I'm all right," he said once he had released her. "Just trying to convince myself not to hunt Snape down and make him take back what he said."

"Don't." Her expression turned stern, and there was a warning in her tone. "It won't make anything better."

"Rubbish. It'll make me feel loads better." He looked at Remus and raised his eyebrows. "I bet it'll cheer up Moony, too."

Lily shook her head. "It's not like you can change his mind. It's just a waste of time." She sank down onto the ground and leaned her head back against the wall. "There's no chance that someone won't complain to McGonagall about this, is there? I hate letting her down. I just… Fucking hell, can you believe the things they were saying? 'It's not our fight.' How is it not everyone's fight?"

Remus stood suddenly and kicked at the wall. "Fuck!" he said again, and it was unclear whether the sentiment was due to pain, anger, or both.

"Well, Moony's still angry," James said, reaching down to offer Lily a hand up. "Come on. Let's go find the others and go to that empty classroom to practice dueling. I think we all need it tonight."

When they reached the common room, Peter was taken aback by their stony expressions.

"I'm guessing it wasn't a very good meeting?" he asked. "What, are they doubling your patrols or something?"

James shook his head. "We'll tell you in a minute, but do you know where Padfoot and Mary are? We figured it's a good night to do a bit of practice dueling."

"I assume they're upstairs. I'll go get them, hang on."

When Peter returned with Sirius and Mary a minute later, James recounted the events of the prefects' meeting as they headed for the empty classroom on the second floor.

"Leave it to Bertram Aubrey to surpass all expectations for what a tosser he can be," Sirius said, shaking his head in disgust. "Next time I see Snape I'm going to teach him a lesson for you, Evans."

"No," she said, glaring over at Sirius. "I mean it, Padfoot. If you do, I'll be furious."

Lily slipped off her shoes and tucked them away in the corner of the room, then began to pull her hair into a ponytail.

James eyed her discarded shoes and pointed at her bare feet. "Do you always duel barefoot?"

"Shoes slow me down. Laugh if you like, but it works." She looked down at her bare feet, then met James's gaze with a sheepish smile. "I used to wear socks, but I had to ditch them. Too slippery."

James laughed as he imagined the scene. "Does that mean you fell on your arse?"

Peter had finished setting up the pillows and other safety measures and came to stand beside them. "Don't feel bad, Lily. It was actually kind of graceful."

He glanced at James and gave a tiny shake of his head, and they both dissolved into laughter.

"Sod you," Lily muttered, taking her wand from her pocket and striding across the room to stand just in front of a pile of pillows. "Remus, you want to go first?"

James watched Remus face off against Lily and block the first spell she sent his way. The duel started slow, with both of them alternating cautious attacks and blocks. As they warmed up, they picked up speed until their movements blurred and James lost track of where each spell came from. His eyes darted back and forth watching Lily, enjoying the furrow of concentration between her eyebrows. The trancelike focus reminded him of the way she brewed a potion, except the peaceful, relaxing quality of her movements was replaced by the furious, frenetic pacing of the duel. He couldn't tear his eyes away until she disarmed Remus and brought their sparring to an end.

"Sorry!" she said, hurrying over to Remus. The force of her spell had shot his wand all the way to the ceiling and knocked him off his feet, but his eyes were bright with exhilaration when he stood up.

"It's all right," he said, brushing dust from his trousers. "I quite enjoyed that. Padfoot, do you want to have a go? Try dueling Peter – I think you'll be impressed."

Gasping for breath, Lily sank down onto the floor at the edge of the room, and James moved to sit beside her.

"I'm afraid Remus is going to have a bruise," she said. Little tendrils of damp hair had pulled free from her ponytail and framed her face. "I know he's not made of glass, but I feel a bit bad knocking him around like that."

James brushed the hair out of her eyes. A faint sheen of perspiration glistened on her forehead, and her chest still heaved from the exertion.

"He'll be fine. I think you saved him from kicking the wall again."

She swept the stray bits of hair back into her ponytail and wiped the back of her hand across her forehead.

"Sorry, I'm a bit sweaty."

James grinned. "I don't mind." Sirius and Peter had begun to duel, but their spells were no more than background noise. "Evans, have you always been that good at dueling?"

A brilliant smile lit up her face. "Do you really think I'm good? I have gotten loads better. When we first started I was horribly slow, but I've been really trying to get faster."

He leaned over and kissed her, tasting a hint of salt from the tiny beads of sweat on her upper lip.

"You're definitely not slow now. I can tell you're really concentrating, but you make it look so effortless."

She ran a hand through his hair, still beaming although James could see her trying to restrain it so she didn't look too pleased with herself.

"Well, I'm glad I redeemed myself, because I must've looked like a complete lunatic back at the prefects' meeting. I was so angry I could barely see straight. I doubt I was even making much sense by the end." She laughed and watched Peter dodge an enthusiastic spell from Sirius that bounced off the wall and knocked over the desk at the front of the room.

James smiled as he recalled the fury that lit Lily's features and made her voice shake. "You didn't sound like a lunatic at all," he said. "You were just… passionate. I love that about you."

She looked sideways at him, her mouth parted in surprise. "You do?"

He ran a hand through his hair and grinned. "Of course I do. You care about things, enough to make you shout at people and maybe throw a napkin at them if they're really unlucky."

They both laughed at his reference to an ill-fated dinner party involving Vernon Dursley.

"You're a force to be reckoned with, Evans," he went on. "And anyone who underestimates you is a bloody idiot."

"Thanks, James." She reached over and adjusted his glasses. Her face was close enough for James to count the freckles dusting the bridge of her nose. The moment hung there, stretching out between them.

"Oi!" The sound of Sirius's voice cut through the intimacy of the moment, and they both looked away, laughing. "Are you going to peer lovingly into each other's eyes all night, or is one of you going to take on Macdonald?"

James stood before pulling Lily to her feet. "I'll do it, but go easy on me, Mary. I've been watching Evans do impressive things all night, so I'm a bit distracted."

He drew his wand and prepared to face off against Mary, still stealing occasional glances at Lily over his shoulder. Bloody hell, I love her.

Wednesday, January 4, 1977

Remus paused on his way to breakfast when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned to see Seven standing there wearing an apprehensive smile. Her hair was still damp from the shower, and the end of her braid left a wet spot against her uniform.

"Are you all right?" she asked, lacing her fingers through his. "You looked furious when you came back last night, and then Georgia said there was a bit of an argument at the prefects' meeting. I wanted to ask you about it, but I didn't want to bother you, and then you left again, and I fell asleep before you got back."

He considered her question. His anger had burned out – the dueling practice last night had taken care of that, although it had left him with a large bruise on the back of his arm and a general soreness in his limbs – but his embarrassment and shame lingered. His lapse in self-control at the meeting had left him unable to look the other prefects in the eye, and he was already dreading having to sit two rows away from Bertram Aubrey in Defense Against the Dark Arts later that day. But of course Seven didn't need or want all of that information, so he took a deep breath and gave her a weary smile.

"I'm fine. It was a bit of a rough meeting, but it's fine now."

He leaned down to kiss her, taking comfort from the warmth of her lips.

"Are you sure?"

She peered up at him with concern, and the worry in her eyes was almost enough to break down the barriers he had built around his true, messy self. He longed for the secluded refuge of the little alcove that served as their escape from the rest of the world. Not here, he told himself. Not now. Keep it together until tonight.

She somehow sensed his thoughts, because she gestured for her friends to go on without her.

"Do you want to go to the reading spot and talk for a few minutes? I'm fine with skipping breakfast if you are."

Remus didn't realize how much he needed this until she'd offered. As he nodded, he felt a weight lift from his shoulders.

"I'll see you in class," he called to Peter, who had been waiting up ahead for him while everyone went on to the Great Hall, then lowered his voice to add, "Sirius will accuse me of trying to get in a quick shag before class, but it's a small price to pay, I suppose."

They strolled hand in hand until they reached the tapestry that concealed the little room. Remus held it aside for Seven, then followed her in and collapsed onto the cluster of pillows on the floor.

"I suppose Farley told you how angry I was," he said, watching her face to gauge her reaction. Every time she got a glimpse of the side of himself he desperately tried to repress, he feared it would drive her away. She won't want you, not when she realizes what you really are, he told himself. Yet here she was, sitting cross-legged beside him with an encouraging smile on her face as she held out a chocolate bar like a peace offering.

"She mentioned it," Seven said without judgment. "What happened? It must have been bad, because I've never seen you angry before."

Remus described the argument that had erupted over Abby Gamp's absence. As he remembered the raised voices and accusations of the previous evening, a hint of the same anger welled up, but he beat it back down again.

"I don't even know why I got so angry," he said. "I mean, obviously, my mum's a Muggle, and Lily and Mary are Muggle-born, but it was more than that."

He lay with his head in her lap as her cool fingers smoothed the worry lines on his forehead. Even though the day had just begun, he wanted to fall asleep and hide away with her all day.

"I think I understand." His half-closed eyes snapped open to look at her with interest. She continued to rub his forehead as she went on. "It's a completely foreign concept to you, the idea that it's not everyone's fight."

He thought this over as he gazed up at her. There was a thin scar on the bottom of her chin that was almost invisible. He assumed it was Quidditch-related, but he didn't like to ask. His own scars made him respect the secret stories written on others' skin.

"What do you mean?"

She hesitated, studying his hands. He had worried the skin around his cuticles until his fingers were a ragged, bloody mess, and he resisted the urge to hide his hands in his pockets.

"I mean, if it affects someone you care about, it's your fight. If Peter needs help finishing homework, you drop everything and help him, even if you have your own things to do. Back when Bubbles needed to get his marks up to stay on the Quidditch team, you tutored him without even thinking twice. When Sirius is having some sort of, you know…"

She made a vague gesture that encompassed Sirius's firewhisky-fueled self-destructive tendencies. Remus smiled and nodded to indicate he knew exactly what she meant.

"When he's doing his Sirius Black thing, you and your friends rally around to distract him and see him through to the other side. It's just what you do."

He considered all the situations she had listed, and then he remembered James's determination when he had resolved to somehow help Remus during the full moon, the hope when the three of them had begun the Animagus process, the joy and satisfaction of their first successful transformations. She's right, Remus thought, marveling at her ability to understand him better than he understood himself. Usually he preferred to blend in unnoticed, but he found he didn't mind being seen by Seven.

"I suppose that is what I do," he murmured.

"I know." She lifted his anxiety-savaged hand to her lips and kissed each finger one by one. "I love that about you."

Her words and the unexpected tenderness of her gesture stayed with him all day.

"Ooh, Minnie's on the warpath," Sirius said, pointing at McGonagall as she strode through the Great Hall. Her arms were crossed and her lips were pressed into a tight line as she navigated around students and headed for the Gryffindor table. A dull dread spread through Lily as McGonagall drew closer.

"Well, it was nice knowing all of you," James said, flashing them a wry smile before tossing back his pumpkin juice.

"Potter! Evans!" McGonagall had reached their section of the table and stood glaring down at them over her glasses. "I'd like to see you in my office, please."

She bustled off without waiting for a response, and James and Lily exchanged apprehensive looks before following. As they hurried to keep up with her brisk stride, Lily thought longingly of her half-eaten breakfast.

"I wish I'd thought to finish my bacon," she muttered to James.

James gave her a sympathetic nod. "I know the feeling. But I guess that's what your bacon buddy is for. I assume Mary is your bacon buddy?"

Lily stopped walking and fixed James with a blank stare. "My what?"

"Your bacon buddy. A designated person to save bacon for you when you're hauled away by a teacher during breakfast. Sirius is mine, and Peter is my backup…" His voice trailed off when he heard her burst into laughter. "And now that I'm saying this, I'm realizing that this is something Sirius came up with and other people don't have bacon buddies, so you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"No," she admitted, giggling. "But feel free to keep talking. You're making me laugh."

It felt good to laugh after the strain of yesterday's dysfunctional meeting and the anticipation of its repercussions. Even better was the look of pure joy on James's face whenever he made her laugh; sometimes she enjoyed his reaction more than the joke or funny comment itself.

"Well, I've explained the basic premise. It's really not a bad idea, though. More people should do it. You know what, I'll be your bacon buddy, if you like."

She looked at him, taking in that earnest smile, the untidy hair, the glasses that always seemed to be slightly askew, and she was so overcome with affection for him that she stopped laughing and pulled him in for a kiss.

"What was that for?" he asked when she pulled away.

He had that bemused, surprised look, as though he couldn't quite believe his luck. How can I still have that effect on him when we've been together for months? He looked so adorable that she was tempted to kiss him again. Instead, she adjusted his glasses and slid her hand into his.

"I love you," she said, watching the smile on his face get even bigger. "Now come on, we'd better hurry so McGonagall doesn't get any angrier at us."

"I thought you may have gotten lost on the way here," McGonagall said after they knocked and were ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;admitted into her office. "But that seemed unlikely, seeing as Mr. Potter has been to my office so often."

She heaved a disapproving sigh and indicated that they should take a seat. Lily sat down and stared at her lap, unable to meet Mcgonagall's eye. The joy of a few minutes ago had melted away under McGonagall's stern gaze, although she noticed James appeared unbothered by the prospect of docked points or detention. This was the result of years of chronic rule breaking, she guessed.

"You took down the decorations, I see," he said, gazing around at the office from his seat beside Lily. The last time they had been in McGonagall's office, they had covered it in Christmas decorations, including a charm that made enchanted snow fall from the ceiling. No trace of the decorations remained now, although Lily thought she glimpsed a Christmas bauble with Sirius's face on it dangling from a lamp in the corner of the room. Trying to repress her smile, she filed this information away to share with Sirius later.

McGonagall frowned. "Yes, Potter, I took the decorations down. It's January fourth. Christmas is over."

"Not in my heart it's not," James said, looking affronted.

Lily smiled to herself. She knew that if James had his way, the Christmas decorations in the dormitory and the common room would still be up, although he had returned from Quidditch practice on Monday to find them gone. He believed this to be the work of the house elves, and nobody had corrected him, although Sirius was the real culprit. "Enough's enough," Sirius had muttered when Lily caught him removing ornaments from the Christmas tree before shoving it unceremoniously out of the common room window.

"I didn't ask you here to discuss Christmas decorations," McGonagall said, making an impatient hand gesture. "I'd like to know why Professor Sprout just informed me that Miss Montgomery is rethinking her decision to take on prefect responsibilities."

"But she said she'd think it over and talk to us again before she went to Sprout!" James burst out. "I thought we had her convinced to give it another go, didn't you?"

He appealed to Lily, but she could only respond with a helpless shrug.

"Mr. Potter, what happened at that meeting?" McGonagall demanded. "Your only tasks were to explain Miss Gamp's absence, introduce Miss Montgomery, and make sure the patrol schedule was all set."

"Well, we did that," James said. "Or most of it, anyway, but everyone wanted to know why Abby didn't come back, and things got a bit, er, out of hand."

McGonagall raised her eyebrows. "Out of hand?"

"The discussion got rather heated," he admitted. "But it couldn't be avoided! Some of the other prefects were saying things that were just ignorant. I had to set them straight."

"It wasn't just James," Lily said, keeping her eyes fixed on her lap. She could feel McGonagall's eyes boring into her as she spoke. "I lost my temper, too. I know I shouldn't have let what they said get to me, but…" She tried to swallow back the fury that surged up like bile when she recalled the argument, but it spilled out anyway. "No one seems to be willing to do anything, at least nothing useful! It's either 'fight your own battles,' which is a horrible stance to take, or it's Harold bloody Minchum putting more dementors at Azkaban and allowing Aurors to use the Cruciatus as an interrogation method, because that's going to solve all our problems!"

A gentle touch on her arm brought her back to herself, and she turned to see James biting his lip as he tried to hide his amusement.

"By all means, continue listing all the ways Harold Minchum is a sorry excuse for a Minister for Magic – I know it's your favorite pastime. It's just…" He flashed her an apologetic smile before nodding in McGonagall's direction. "You were shouting a bit, and Minnie doesn't typically allow anyone to shout at her."

Lily sighed, trying to force all the rage and frustration out of her body. "Sorry, Professor," she said, returning her gaze to the ground as her face burned. "I'll just go ahead and shut up."

"I do not make it a habit of expressing my political views in front of my students," McGonagall said. "However…"

Lily glanced up and saw the tiniest hint of a smile tug at McGonagall's lips. Was Lily imagining it, or was McGonagall agreeing with her?

"Anyway," she continued, "a prefects' meeting is not a place to air one's political beliefs. As Head Boy and Girl, you are representing Hogwarts, and I need to be able to count on you to conduct yourselves appropriately. Can I count on you, or do I need to take time out of my busy schedule to supervise each and every prefects' meeting?"

"You can count on us, Minnie," James said, giving her a little salute.

"Five points from Gryffindor, Potter," Mcgonagall said with a sigh. "I let the last one slide, but really."

"We'll do better, Professor," Lily promised. She made herself look McGonagall in the eye despite the lurch in the pit of her stomach.

"Very well. But if I hear another word of complaint from any of the other prefects, Professor Dumbledore will hear about it, and you can expect to see me at your next meeting." She stood up and pointed at the door. "You're free to go. Do try to convince Miss Montgomery to continue as a prefect, please, because Professor Sprout said there's really no one else."

"You've got it, Min- er, Professor," James said, giving her a thumbs up.

"Oh, and Potter? I'm upping it to ten points every time you use that ridiculous nickname. Tell Black, won't you?"

"I fucking love Minnie," James said as they hurried through the corridor and out into the Entrance Hall. "You just know she sits in her office and throws the bloody Prophet across the room every time Harold Minchum does something stupid, just like you do."

"She did sort of give that impression," Lily said, shivering as they stepped outside and the cold air hit her face. "What are we going to do about Cindy Montgomery?"

James shrugged and slipped an arm around her, rubbing his hand up and down her arm to warm her. "We'll think of something."

They reached the greenhouse and found the others already clustered around their usual seats. When Peter waved, Lily noticed he clutched a grease-stained napkin wrapped around several pieces of bacon.

"It's for Moony," he explained when he saw the direction of her gaze. "We're bacon buddies." He held it in the air and thrust it at Remus when he came bustling in, cheeks red from the cold and hair slightly tousled.

"Do you see that, Macdonald?" Sirius said, jerking his head in Remus's direction. "Moony and Seven skipped breakfast to have some alone time. How come we never do that?"

Mary laughed and drew her wand, then pointed it at the watering can in front of them.

"Because if we skipped breakfast you'd be intolerable all day," she said, handing the watering can to Peter so he could water the plant they were meant to be tending.

"No I wouldn't," Sirius insisted. "I'm always in a better mood when we shag in the morning. Although…" He twirled a pair of clippers in his fingers as he considered the matter. "I do hate missing meals. Maybe we should do an experiment to see how it turns out."

"I didn't skip breakfast to shag, if anyone cares," Remus said. He nibbled on a piece of bacon, then handed the rest to Peter. "We were just talking."

"Talking isn't worth skipping breakfast for," Sirius said dismissively. "Besides, talking doesn't make your hair look like that." He smirked and indicated Remus's rumpled hair.

"We need a bit of help," Lily said, noticing Remus's flushed cheeks and rushing to change the subject. "James and I need to convince Cindy Montgomery to stay a prefect, even though we scared her a bit at the last meeting."

"Hmmm." Peter munched a piece of bacon while he held the watering can in his other hand. "Does she like biscuits?"

"She's a Hufflepuff, isn't she?" Sirius asked. He was now pretending to cut off pieces of Mary's hair with the garden clippers while she fended him off with a trowel. "Of course she likes biscuits."

"Just give her some biscuits," Peter said. "Or a cake. You can have it say 'Sorry my political rant made you cry.' Or, you know, something like that."

They all burst into laughter; from her seat a few rows in front of them, Stacy Tremblay turned around and looked at them curiously.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, Pads," James said, grinning. "Tremblay wanted me to tell you that you're a tosser."

Sirius flashed Stacy a sarcastic grin and waved with the pair of clippers. "Yeah, well," he said in an undertone. "She didn't think I was a tosser when she was begging me to–"

"Anyway," Lily said loudly, glaring at Sirius. "It's too bad neither of us knows how to bake. Do you think the house elves would make us a cake like that, or would they think we're mental?"

"It's too bad we don't know anyone who could make a cake like that," Mary said, nudging Peter.

"Yes, it's too bad," Peter said. For some reason he appeared to be blushing. "I'll go talk to the house elves about making her a cake. I can go tonight when you're at practice, Prongs."

"Oh good, you can get snacks while you're there," Sirius said through a mouthful of bacon.

Mary eyed the bacon in his hand. "Didn't you bring that for James?"

"Oh, right."

Sirius handed the bacon to James, but rather than eat it, James set it down in front of Lily.

"You can't criticize Harold Minchum on an empty stomach," he said, grinning.

Lily didn't reply as she reached for the bacon and broke off a piece. It crunched between her teeth, salty and slightly burnt. For the second time that morning she found herself overwhelmed by fondness for James and his small, thoughtful gestures that meant nothing and everything at the same time.

"I love you," she said, and they beamed at each other as she popped the rest of the bacon into her mouth. The taste lingered on her lips as James leaned over and kissed her.

"What the hell, Moony?" Peter said, pretending to be affronted. "I brought you bacon, too, and I didn't get an 'I love you.'"

"I love you, Pete," Remus said with a straight face. "I'd snog you, too, but you're really not my type."

He plucked the clippers from Sirius's hand and began pruning the alihotsy bush in front of him.

"Yes, we've already established that Remus prefers a Seeker's build," Mary said as she set to work on the second alihotsy plant.

"And Wormtail is built more like a Quaffle," Sirius said, smirking.

There was another burst of laughter, and Lily scrambled to hide the rest of the bacon under the table when Professor Sprout looked at them from across the greenhouse.

"It's all right," Peter said, noticing her panic. "She saw me eating earlier and didn't dock any points."

"Oh, that reminds me," Sirius said. He had been gathering all the dead leaves and twigs Remus had pruned into a pile, but he lost interest and turned to Lily and James instead. "What happened with McGonagall? How many points did she take? Pete said twenty, but I thought no more than ten."

"Only five, actually," James said. "And that was because I called her Minnie twice. By the way, I'm supposed to tell you that she's now taking ten points any time we use 'that ridiculous nickname.'"

Sirius pointed his wand at the pile of dead leaves, levitating them one by one and lodging them in Mary's hair. "Like that'll stop us," he said, ignoring Mary's scowl. "I guess I'm not surprised, though. I suppose she has a lot of faith in Head Girl Evans."

Lily made a face and kicked Sirius under the table. "I hate when you call me that," she muttered.

Sirius flicked one of the alihotsy twigs at her. "Like I said, she must have a lot of faith in Head Girl Evans, and knows this one will do whatever Evans tells him to do," he said, nodding at James before adding another leaf to Mary's hair.

"Imagine having a Herbology partner who actually helps," Mary said, glaring at Sirius as she tried and failed to remove the leaves.

"Yes, I bet that would be lovely," Sirius agreed. "Unfortunately you're stuck with me instead."

"Well, we told Minnie we won't let her down, so Evans will have to keep me in line," James said, removing a twig lodged in the collar of Lily's shirt.

"I'll do my best." Lily reached for a pair of clippers and set to work, feeling more cheerful than she had any right to be today.

Thursday, January 5, 1978

"Ready, Evans?"

James and Lily stood beside the Gryffindor table, peering across the room at the Hufflepuff table where Cindy Montgomery sat eating her lunch. Lily nodded, clutching a box that contained the cake and biscuits Peter had brought back from the kitchen last night. "I had the house elves make boths, so she'll know you're really sorry," Peter had said before letting them peek inside the box to admire the elves' handiwork.

"But what if we can't convince her to remain a prefect?" Lily asked, fiddling with the edge of the box. "What if she's insulted that we tried to use sweets to convince her? Maybe you should just go and I'll wait here."

James slipped an arm around her waist and gave her an encouraging smile. She had an adorable habit of biting her lip and looking down at the ground when she was nervous, and he fought the urge to put his arms around her and kiss the nervousness away. There was no time for that, not when they had a job to do.

"She won't be insulted," James said, kissing the top of her head. "And you've got to come. I guarantee she'd much rather hear from you than me."

Lily sighed and nodded. She laced her fingers through his and they crossed the room together, coming to a stop behind Cindy's seat at the Hufflepuff table.

"Cindy?" Lily tapped her on the shoulder and offered her a friendly smile. "Can we talk to you a minute? We can come back after you finish eating if you prefer."

Cindy pushed aside her plate and stood up. "No, that's all right."

She followed them a little ways away from the table, sneaking curious glances at them. Lily's eyes were still glued to the ground, but she smiled when James gave her hand a squeeze. Taking a deep breath, she met Cindy's gaze.

"We wanted to apologize for how we acted at the meeting," she began, her tone hesitant as she waited for Cindy's reaction.

"We were idiots," James added, and he saw a small smile tug at the corners of Cindy's lips. "Well, mostly me. Not Evans so much."

"We were equally idiotic," Lily insisted. "But it's just because I care about this school and want it to be a place where everyone can feel safe and accepted, and I think that's important to you, too. I think that's why you told Sprout you'd do this in the first place."

While Cindy appeared to mull this over, James grinned and added, "And if you don't care about any of that, maybe some delicious baked goods will change your mind." He took the box from Lily and placed it into Cindy's outstretched arms. "You do like biscuits, don't you? And cake? I think it's chocolate…"

Cindy laughed. "Of course I do. I'm a Hufflepuff." She opened the box, and her eyes grew wide with delight as she pulled out a shortbread biscuit with the word SORRY written across it in yellow icing. "These are so cute… Oh, the cake is even better!" She pulled back the lid of the box to display a sheet cake decorated with images of James and Lily, complete with their Head Boy and Girl badges. A speech bubble next to Lily spelled out Sorry my political rant made you cry, and a second speech bubble next to James read Er, yeah, what Head Girl Evans said.

"We can't take any of the credit for making it," Lily said.

"But we did have to bribe the house elves to do it for us," James added.

Cindy laughed and rolled her eyes. "Liar. You think I've never been to the kitchens? They probably started making the cake before you even finished explaining what you wanted." She looked down at the cake for a moment, grinning. "But thanks. Nobody's ever made me an I'm sorry cake before. Or any apologetic baked goods, really." She bit into a biscuit and nodded in appreciation. "It's really good."

"So are you going to continue being a prefect?" James asked.

Cindy's eyes traveled from the cake to James and Lily. She hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, I suppose. Hey, Abby said you liked coming up with silly nicknames for people?"

James grinned and ran a hand through his hair. "I've been known to do that. You should call Snape Sevalevadingdong, he loves it."

"I don't recommend that, Cindy," Lily said, shooting James an exasperated glare.

Cindy remained quiet, but she wore a hopeful, shy half-smile that James couldn't quite interpret. He looked at Lily for guidance, but she was one step ahead of him.

"Would you like James to come up with a silly nickname for you?" Lily asked.

"He could, if he wanted to," she said, a smile spreading across her face. "Nobody's ever given me a silly nickname before."

James thought for a moment, turning her name over in his head. "Cinnamon Bun?"

Cindy laughed. "That's so stupid."

"Well hang on, I can think of something else—"

"No, it's perfect," she said, beaming. "Thanks."

"So you're all set to do your patrol duty?" Lily asked. "You're on the schedule for tomorrow night."

"Yeah, I'll be there."

"Don't forget to check the alcove under the stairs by the Entrance Hall," James said. "It seems so obvious so nobody checks there, but you'd be surprised how many people use it as a snogging spot." He turned and headed back to the Gryffindor table, looking back over his shoulder and calling, "See you later, Cinnamon Bun!"

When they reached the Gryffindor table, James slid into his seat beside Lily and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Nice work, Evans. We make a good team."

She smiled and leaned her head against his shoulder. "We do, don't we?"

"Good thinking with the baked goods, Pete," James said, giving Peter a thumbs up. "She loved it."

Peter's face lit up. "I thought she would." He hesitated, his eyes darting down at his lap and then back up at James and Lily. He opened his mouth, then gave a tiny shake of his head and added, "I'm glad she liked them."

James turned to Lily. "Do you want to go tell McGonagall that we've convinced Cindy to stick it out?"

"Oh, you should call her Minnie when you do," Sirius said, tipping back in his chair. "See if she's too impressed with you to dock points."

"Doubt it," Lily said. "But we'll see."

As the two of them set off across the Great Hall holding hands, James enjoyed a sense of satisfaction. It was a small victory, yet he couldn't help feeling pleased with their efforts. Everything would be okay, even if it took a while. They would get there, slowly but surely, one hesitant Hufflepuff, one silly nickname, and one apology cake at a time.