Tuesday, January 10, 1978

Remus jerked awake and blinked up at Seven's concerned face. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, then flipped through his book until he found the right page again.

"Sorry," he said, flashing her a reassuring smile. "Dozed off for a second."

He returned to his book, but set it down again after a moment when he realized Seven was still watching him.

"What's wrong?" he said, touching her arm.

"Why haven't you been sleeping?" she asked, worry clouding her features.

He frowned. "What do you mean? I've been sleeping fine, it's just, you know, I'm always falling asleep."

She shook her head. "It's not the right time of the month for that. You've been like this since I got back after Christmas, Remus. I know you aren't sleeping well. Why?"

Seeing her eyes so heavy with sadness filled him with guilt, and he took her hands in his, longing to see her smile.

"I'm fine. I just have a hard time sleeping sometimes, but you don't need to worry about it." He took a deep breath, swallowing back a yawn. The dim lighting in their secluded reading spot made him drowsy, but he forced his eyes open.

"You could ask Madam Pomfrey for a potion to help you sleep," she suggested. "Or sometimes if I read a really dull book before bed, that helps."

"I don't have any problem falling asleep. It's staying asleep that's the issue."

Last night he had fallen asleep minutes after his head hit the pillow, but he had awoken from a nightmare in a cold sweat around two am. He lay staring at the ceiling until dawn, unable to calm his brain enough to fall back to sleep. For the past few days he had managed only a couple hours of sleep every night. So far he had been able to keep quiet, but he knew it was only a matter of time before his panicked screams woke his friends.

"You look exhausted." She studied him, and he knew she was noticing the deep purple circles under his eyes, the gray flecks in his hair, the tension in his jaw. "You need to sleep. You can't do N.E.W.T. level transfiguration on an hour of sleep."

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. "I'll be fine. I always am."

"Can I help at all?" she asked.

The earnest quaver in her voice broke his heart a little, and he hesitated. The thought of waking up with Seven pressed against his body was tempting, but he couldn't risk it. If he woke up screaming and thrashing around in terror, it might scare her off.

"Sleep here for a bit," she said when he didn't reply. "I'll wake you up later."

He wanted to argue, to insist he was fine and continue reading like nothing was wrong, but the pull of sleep was too strong. His body acted before his mind had time to decide, and he found himself curling up beside her. She tucked the blanket around him and kissed his forehead, then settled back to her book.

"Wake me up in a little while," he murmured as she slipped her hand under the blanket and trailed her fingers up and down his arm. The movement was slow and gentle, and his eyes fluttered shut as he relaxed into her touch.

"Thanks, Seven," he whispered before sleep enveloped him.

Wednesday, January 11, 1978

"Moony, it's alright. You're okay. You're okay, Moony."

Remus jerked awake, his heart racing. Memories of the nightmare flashed through his mind: his friends lifeless on the ground, his claws and teeth dripping with their blood, the grisly scene bathed in moonlight. He choked back another scream and took several deep breaths, clinging to the sound of Peter's voice until the panic subsided.

"Sorry," he whispered when he had caught his breath enough to speak.

"Don't be sorry."

Peter sat on the edge of Remus's bed, clad in a pair of pajamas patterned with hippogriffs. He had drawn the curtains shut around him and lit his wand. Remus heard James roll over and whisper something to Lily, and the sound of running water followed by footsteps told him Sirius was on the way back from the bathroom.

"You good, Moony?" he asked, peering in through the opening in the curtains.

"Fine." He blinked, trying to clear the horrifying images from his head. "Sorry for waking you up. Tell Mary I'm sorry, too."

Sirius made a dismissive hand gesture and retreated. A moment later Remus heard the rustle of blankets and the sound of Sirius's voice, muffled by the curtains.

"Move over, Macdonald. What, I leave for a minute and you think that means you can hog the whole bed?"

"I'm okay now," Remus said, heaving a sigh. The nightmare had left him with a feverish, uneasy feeling, and he knew he wouldn't be able to fall back to sleep for hours, but it seemed selfish for Peter to lose sleep, too. "You can go back to sleep. You don't have to stay here."

Peter nodded. "I know." He didn't leave, but instead adjusted his position on the bed.

"I mean it, Wormtail. I'll be fine."

Peter's eyes met his, and even in the dim wandlight Remus could see the skepticism etched on his friend's face.

"You'll be able to fall back to sleep?"

"Of course I will," Remus assured him, but his words had been too confident, too smooth.

"Liar," Peter said, grinning. "I'll go with you to get a potion from Madam Pomfrey if you want."

Remus shook his head. He hated the idea of becoming dependent on a potion for something as essential as sleeping. "I don't need it," he said, and there was a stubborn, petulant note to his voice.

"I kind of think you do."

"Well, seeing as you're not a medical professional, I reserve the right to ignore your opinion."

Peter laughed then pressed his hand over his mouth to stifle the sound. "Why are you so bloody stubborn? Fine, if you won't go to Madam Pomfrey, want to go down to the common room and play chess for a bit? Maybe that'll tire you out."

Remus shook his head again. "No, that's okay."

Peter fiddled with a stray thread on the duvet as he thought. "Maybe smoking would help," he suggested. "I could wake up Mary and see if she has any–"

"No," Remus said firmly. "Don't bother Mary. I'm fine."

Peter shrugged. "All right. I'll just shut up then." He set his wand down on the duvet and crossed his arms, but he didn't leave.

Remus sighed and rolled his eyes, but he was grateful for Peter's presence. He cast around for something to distract him from the dull sense of dread that still lingered, and his eyes fell on the bold pattern of Peter's pajamas.

"Are those new?"

Peter looked down and grinned. "Yeah, I got them for Christmas. Padfoot laughed himself silly when he saw them earlier – how did you miss that?"

"I dunno," Remus said. "I must have been asleep already."

They fell silent, listening to the slow, steady breathing and soft snores that filled the room. Remus checked the clock and began to calculate how much sleep he would get if he fell asleep now, in one hour, in two hours…

"It's gotten bad again in the last couple of weeks, hasn't it?" Peter asked.

Remus looked away and picked at the skin around his left thumbnail. "It's not that bad."

"Liar," Peter repeated. "You're getting, what, three hours of sleep on a good night? And your fingernails are a mess."

Remus shoved his hands underneath the blanket, but he knew Peter had already seen the raw, bloody cuticles. His resistance crumbled under Peter's unrelenting gaze.

"All right, it's pretty bad," he admitted, running his finger over a rough patch of skin on the web of his thumb. "But I don't know why. I hadn't had a nightmare in ages, and now they're starting up again?"

"I suppose it's everything that's happening lately, isn't it?"

Peter's shoulders slumped and his mouth was a thin, worried line. He looked as exhausted as Remus felt.

"I suppose it is," Remus said, stifling a yawn. He wanted to sleep for an entire week. It felt like a personal affront that sleep was eluding him, because it was yet another way for his body to betray him.

"You know what would help?"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "If you say a potion, I'm pushing you off the bed."

Peter grinned and shook his head. "No, I was going to say you should try having Seven sleep with you." He laughed and added, "I didn't mean it like that, although, I dunno, maybe that would help too? But anyway, I bet it would help sleeping next to someone, you know? She'd be there when you wake up… Why are you looking at me like I'm insane?"

"Because you are insane if you think I'm doing that," Remus said.

"I don't see what's so insane about having your girlfriend sleep in your bed. But then again, I've never had a proper girlfriend, so what do I know?"

Remus sighed. "It's a lot, being with me. I still can't believe she wants me as a boyfriend, to be honest. So no, I'm not going to invite her up here and risk scaring the hell out of her when I wake up screaming like a madman."

He shuddered as the scene played out in his head: his own shrieks of terror, Seven's eyes wide with fear, the pity in her voice as she explained why she could no longer be with him. Just imagining it made him ache with sadness.

"Just warn her ahead of time," Peter urged. "She won't mind. None of us do. I'm sure she's worried about you and would want to help. She really likes you."

Remus rubbed his temples, hoping to stave off what promised to become a pounding headache. "She likes me until she's seen me screaming and thrashing around like a maniac," he said, his voice rising.

Peter reached for his wand. "Muffliato," he muttered. "Don't be stupid. She's not going to stop liking you just because you have nightmares, Moony. Give her a bit of credit."

"She's going to stop liking me because I'm a freak." The words were soft but tinged with anger, almost a growl. Remus stopped staring down at the duvet to watch Peter's reaction, taking savage pleasure in the shock that swept over his friend's features.

"Don't say that," Peter said, a pleading note in his voice. He looked sad, defeated, and the hot rush of anger evaporated, leaving Remus desolate and guilty and impossibly tired.

"I'm not asking Seven to sleep up here," he said, heaving a sigh. "I can't. But I know you're just trying to help, so thanks."

Peter nodded, and some of the sorrow left his face. "Hang on."

He slipped out through the curtains and padded across the room to rummage in his trunk, then returned carrying his chess board.

"If you're too stubborn to take any of my advice, you may as well play chess with me until you fall asleep," Peter said, setting up the board and heaving himself onto the bed to sit cross-legged with his back leaning against the bedpost.

Remus grinned and shifted in the bed so he could see the board better.

"Okay, fine. But don't be offended if I fall asleep before you can beat me, all right?"

He set to work setting up his pieces, comforted by Peter's presence and glad to have an activity to occupy his mind.

Thursday, January 12, 1978

Remus yawned and checked his watch, then groaned when he saw the late hour.

"We should really go to bed," he said, leaning over to kiss the top of Seven's head. "Well, I should, at least. I'm not going to tell you what to do, although I do strongly recommend sleeping,p because you have a long day of classes tomorrow followed by a long night of Quidditch practice, and I heard your Quidditch Captain takes his job pretty seriously."

Seven sighed and got to her feet. "I guess it is getting late."

Remus wrapped her in a hug and kissed her goodnight, then turned and headed for the stairs to the boys' dormitory. To his surprise, she followed instead of taking the stairs to her own dormitory.

He frowned and stopped at the foot of the stairs. "What are you doing?"

She took his hand and smiled. Even in his confused state, he couldn't resist her smile.

"I'm sleeping in your dormitory with you," she said, her tone nonchalant as if she had been doing this all along.

He froze, biting his lip and forcing back the jolt of panic her words had prompted. Sensing his anxiety, she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face against his chest. His pounding heart slowed, and he forced himself to focus on the warmth of her fingers rather than the worries that filled his mind.

"I don't know—" he began, but she put a finger to his lips.

"You haven't been sleeping, and I feel bad about that," she said. "You already don't get enough sleep as it is, and you work so hard."

"I'm sorry I've been falling asleep on you," he said, cringing as he thought about their last trip to their secret reading spot. They had planned to read first before moving on to other activities, but Remus had made it only five minutes before he was snoring softly with his book forgotten on the floor.

"It's okay, I don't mind," she said quickly. "But if I can help, and that means I get to sleep next to you, why wouldn't I want to do it?"

Remus hesitated as he struggled to think of a reasonable explanation for keeping her out of his bed. "I, er, I'm not sure it's a good idea," he stammered.

"It's okay, I know you're worried about it, but I promise, I can handle it."

Something flickered in her eyes, and he frowned, suddenly suspicious.

"Peter talked to you, didn't he?"
"Peter?" She shook her head, confused. "No, it was Lily."

"Of course it was," Remus muttered.

He should have known. James was a light sleeper; he must have overheard the conversation and relayed it to Lily. She would be desperate to help, and since Lily Evans was physically incapable of minding her own business, she had gone straight to Seven. Fucking hell, Lily.

"Don't be angry with her," Seven said, guessing at his thoughts. "She's just trying to help. And she didn't say much. She just said she thinks it would help you get more sleep if I sleep in your bed with you, and I'd like to try."

Faced with Seven's gentle determination, Remus's resolve began to ebb away. He sighed and nodded. "Yeah, all right. But don't be alarmed — Sirius wears very little clothing to bed."

She grimaced. "I saw just about everything the other day, so at least it won't be a surprise."

"And Peter wears funny pajamas, but don't make fun of him for it—"

"Remus." She put a hand on his arm and smiled, driving away some of his worry. "It'll be fine. I'm going to go brush my teeth and change, and I'll see you up there."

Remus changed into pajamas and climbed under the covers, his heart hammering as he watched the door. His mind presented him with scenarios to explain why she couldn't stay after all, but he pushed these thoughts aside. Due to circumstances beyond his control (also known as Lily's meddling), Seven was coming whether he liked it or not, so he may as well enjoy it.

There was a soft knock, and then the door swung open to admit Seven. She wore tracksuit bottoms and one of Remus's old jumpers, and clutched a pillow to her chest. Her expression was shy and hesitant, but a brilliant smile spread across her face when she saw him tucked into bed.

"Nice jumper," he said, pulling back the duvet and patting the mattress beside him.

She lay down beside him and nestled close, and her presence calmed Remus despite his lingering doubts. He kissed her and tasted her toothpaste as her lips brushed against his. He longed to let himself slip into sleep as he held her in his arms, but his brain wouldn't let his body relax until he had warned her.

"I swear your bed is more comfortable than mine," she said. "But how are you so damn tall? Your feet practically hang off the end of the bed."

At the sound of her voice, Lily's head emerged from behind James's curtains.

"Hi, Seven. Welcome to our weird, dysfunctional slumber party. I'm glad you decided to join us."

Remus fixed Lily with a pointed glare. "Yes, isn't it nice that she decided to join us completely of her own accord without anyone else telling her to do so?"

James's head appeared beside Lily's. "I told her not to say anything, but why would anyone listen to me?"

Lily kissed his cheek, then smiled at Seven and Remus. "Sleep well, you two."

"When in doubt, Muffliato," James added. "But don't keep her up too late shagging, Moony, because we have practice tomorrow."

James smirked before disappearing behind the curtains with Lily.

"Ignore James," Remus said. "I think he and Sirius like to compete to see which one can make me the most uncomfortable."

Before she had time to reply, Peter stepped out of the bathroom and halted halfway to his bed when he saw Seven.

"Hi, Peter," she said, waving. She squinted and added, "Are those cats on your pajamas?"

He stared at the floor and toyed with the button on his shirt. "Kneazles."

She gave them a second look, then nodded. "Right. They have those weird tails. Anyway, I like them."

Peter waited, as though expecting her to tease him. When she didn't, he glanced up at her and flashed her a shy smile. "Thanks."

He stood there blushing for a moment, then hurried across the room to his bed to pull the blankets up to his chin. After a soft "Good night," he pulled the curtains shut around his bed.

Seven frowned. "Is he upset that I'm here?" she whispered. "Or is he just shy?"

"He's the one who came up with this idea in the first place," Remus said. "He's just a bloody weirdo about people seeing him in his pajamas."

"I heard that," Peter called from his bed.

"You were meant to," Remus said, grinning, but his smile faltered when he thought about the night ahead. "I should warn you about something," he began, lowering his voice and taking her hand.

"Are you a bed hog?" she asked. "Because I think I can handle that. I don't take up much room." She scooted to the edge of the bed and rolled onto her side to demonstrate.

He sighed and bit his lip. "I have actually been told that I'm a bed hog, but that's not what I was going to say. I–"

"Ooh, Moony's having a sleepover."

Sirius stopped tugging at the waistband of Mary's trousers to smirk at Remus and Seven tucked under the blankets together. He turned to Mary and raised his eyebrows.

"Are we finally going to find out what Moony's sex life is like?"

"No," Remus said firmly. "Quit harassing us and go to sleep."

"Don't forget to use Muffliato," Mary said, picking up a t-shirt she had left draped over Sirius's trunk and heading for the bathroom.

"Why? It's not like you two ever do," Remus muttered.

"That's not true." Sirius stripped off his shirt and tossed it onto the floor before unbuttoning his trousers. "We do it about half the time."

Remus made an indignant sound as Sirius removed his trousers and discarded them next to his shirt. "Do you mind not stripping in front of my girlfriend?"

"Oh, relax. I'm going to leave my pants on, for fuck's sake." Sirius launched himself onto his bed and rolled onto his side to flash Remus and Seven a lazy grin. "Sorry, Seven, but to be fair, you've already seen everything, so I figured you wouldn't mind."

Mary returned from the bathroom to join Sirius in bed, and Remus averted his eyes out of habit, because her idea of pajamas was a t-shirt stolen from Sirius and pants.

"Are you still torturing them, Black? And you're on my pillow." She nudged him until he scooted over to give her more room. "I'm going to guess the unicorns, by the way."

"Nah. I'm going with Kneazles," Sirius said. "It feels like a Kneazles kind of day."

Peter poked his head out of his curtains. "It is a Kneazles kind of day."

Mary glared at Sirius. "Did you cheat? It's no fun if you cheated, Black."

"I didn't, honestly. Pete, did I?"

Seven frowned and whispered, "They guess which pajamas he's going to wear?"

Remus chuckled. "Every night. I dunno why, but it amuses them. Padfoot is really good at guessing, which is kind of weird, but I guess the whole thing is kind of weird."

"Rude," Sirius called before pulling the curtains shut around his bed.

"Good night," Mary added. "And don't forget the contraceptive spell."

"I hate them both," Remus muttered, pointing his wand at the lights and throwing the room into darkness.

"I don't mind. We hardly ever have this much fun up in the girls' dormitory."

Seven lifted her face up to his and kissed him, and the warmth of her lips combined with the darkness stripped away some of his inhibitions.

"I don't want to scare you," he murmured. "But sometimes I have nightmares and they're, well, they're pretty intense. I wake up screaming sometimes. I just don't want you to be alarmed."

He felt the gentle pressure of her fingers cupping his face.

"I'd be surprised if you didn't have nightmares, with all the traumatic things you've been through." Her voice faltered as she hinted at all the horrors they had never explicitly discussed. "No wonder you can't sleep. Is it every night?"

He hesitated. "No."

She remained silent, waiting him out, and he sighed and relented.

"It's been every night for the past few weeks. It's hard for me to turn off my mind afterwards." He struggled to describe the jittery, breathless feeling the nightmares left behind, but Seven seemed to understand somehow.

"What can I do? What helps you after you've had a nightmare?"

"You don't have to do anything special. Just you being here will help. Talk to me — it doesn't even matter what you say, just anything to distract me. Last night Peter and I played chess for hours. The other night Sirius read me The Hobbit. He fell asleep before I did, but it's the thought that counts."

"That's sweet."

She slipped her hand under his shirt and trailed her fingers over the scars that crisscrossed his skin. He hated the visible reminder of all the transformations he had endured, yet the soft touch of her fingertips made the jagged lines less ugly and shameful.

"I'll be here when you wake up," she whispered. "I'll be here for whatever you need." She traced his jaw, then leaned in to kiss him. It was just the barest brush of her lips against his, but it conveyed so much tenderness and affection that Remus couldn't speak. Instead he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Her hand found his under the blanket, and she gave his fingers a squeeze. Despite the frightening images that paralyzed his mind and the insistent weariness that plagued his body, Remus felt safe with Seven curled against him. He let himself drift to sleep, grateful for Seven's presence and Lily's chronic meddling.

The night air filled Remus's lungs as he raced through the forest, following the cries and ragged breathing of his prey. Saplings gave way to trees, but he darted around them all, gaining on the girl ahead of him. The heady scent of blood urged him forward as she tripped over a root and scrambled up again, blood streaming from a cut on her leg. He could hear her heart pounding and her lungs heaving as she pushed herself forward. Stopping for even a second would mean sharp teeth meeting soft flesh, so she stumbled through the night, her movements growing more clumsy and desperate as her body began to give out.

The next time a slight incline sent her sprawling, she didn't rise, but lay there shrinking away from his hot breath and sharp teeth. He stood over her, savoring the terror in her eyes and the rapid rise and fall of her chest.

"No, please," she whimpered, her eyes wide with terror. The moonlight illuminated the scene, and he could see the network of blue veins peeking through her pale, smooth skin. He breathed in the scent of her blood and her fear, then lunged forward. His teeth bit through her tender flesh, and her screams pierced the night as blood dripped from his mouth to splash onto the ground…

"Remus."

The sound of Seven's voice floated down to him through the haze of the nightmare, and he clung to it in desperation until it brought him back to his bed in Gryffindor Tower. He lay there bathed in cold sweat, gasping for breath as Seven scrambled for her wand. In the thin beam of light, Remus checked his hands for blood, but they were clean except for the cuticle on his left pinky, which oozed blood between the torn bits of skin.

"It's okay," she murmured, resting a hand on his chest. His heart beat a desperate tattoo against her fingers as over and over again he saw Seven helpless on the ground, begging for mercy. "You're okay. You're safe."

She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face close to his ear. Her warm breath tickled his skin as she whispered to him in a slow, soothing tone. As she rubbed his back and kissed away the sweat that coated his skin, the nightmare began to fade.

"Is this okay?" She pulled away to peer at him in the dim wandlight. "Am I helping, or do you need me to give you more space?"

"No." The word came out louder than he meant it to, but her touch was the only thing keeping him moored to reality. "Please don't stop."

Her lips twitched upwards into a smile, and she drew him to her again, settling her face against his chest. He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the familiar scent of her hair as the terror ebbed away.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry." When he closed his eyes, he saw her twisting away from his attack and heard her shrieks of pain. He forced his eyes open and looked at her nestled against him, counting her breaths and repeating She's okay in his head until the words lost their meaning.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." Her hand crept under his shirt until her fingertips found his heartbeat. Gradually, painfully, the pounding slowed to a normal rhythm. "Do you want me to read to you? Or we can play chess, or whatever you like."

She began to pull away, and a sickening wave of fear washed over him. His arms tightened around her as he struggled to speak.

"Please." His voice broke; he took a breath and tried again. "Please stay."

His voice was soft, pleading, and she relaxed against him once again. Her hand returned to his heart and he exhaled, releasing some of the tension from his weary body.

"I'm not going anywhere," she said, her arms enveloping him like a warm blanket until he felt safe enough to fall asleep. When he woke in the morning to bright sunlight peeking through the gap in the curtains, Seven slept beside him, her eyelids fluttering as she dreamed.