"I'm going for a quick run. And then Harmony wanted to go shopping today. Look for new dishes or something," Mellie sighed, coming out of the bathroom. She was now dressed for her run in the chilly weather.
Fitz was getting dressed for the day, too. It was Sunday, so he was just putting on something casual. Jeans, and a red flannel shirt that seemed warm.
He stripped the T-shirt he was wearing over his head, as his mind raced. Thinking of someone else, who was currently downstairs at the moment.
Feeling guilty in the presence of Mellie, as he'd learned was now a daily thing, ever since he and Olivia had admitted what they'd admitted. Ever since they'd kissed.
And also, genuinely wishing he was not in the presence of Mellie. Which, he had learned was a daily thing over nine years ago.
But all of what he was thinking about while he stood there, half-naked and attempting to find an undershirt, did not include whatever Mellie was saying right now.
"Fitzgerald."
His full name caught his attention, though. It always did.
"Huh?" he asked, turning around to look at her.
"Did you hear a word I just said to you?" she asked.
"No," he answered honestly, pulling an undershirt over his head.
She sighed dramatically. "I told you I'm going out shopping with Harmony after my run."
"Oh. Yeah. Alright," he nodded. As if he cared. "I'm gonna...do a grocery run today."
"Okay," Mellie nodded. "Can you remember to grab oatmeal please?"
"Yes."
"Thanks," she muttered, adjusting her winter headband over her ears.
And then she was gone. Which was relieving.
He finished getting dressed and went to continue getting ready—shaved, styled his hair—everything.
He ran his product-covered fingers through his thick hair, remembering how it felt for Olivia to do what he was doing right now. Remembering how buried her fingers had been in his hair. It took him back to two nights ago, when they'd been in her bedroom. He'd recently been finding every reason he could to think about it, despite the fact that it made him feel guilty, too.
It was so conflicting for him. It had been bombarding his brain for the past two days, and he wondered if that would truly ever get better.
Who knew. Could being a cheater ever really sit right with you?
He sighed. Probably not if you had a conscience.
But...she felt so good. Everything about her felt so good.
Talking to her. Being with her. Hugging her. Kissing her. Touching her. It was like this little bubble of his life where he felt good. The thoughts about himself and the fear about what kind of man he was, sucked. And rightfully so, he deserved to feel guilty for eternity, probably.
But Olivia.
There wasn't even really anything to say. Just...Olivia.
She'd already had quite an effect on him before Friday night had happened. But in these past two days, it was like everything had kicked into fucking overdrive or something.
It was as if his body knew that she felt the same thing he felt, and was now making sure he thought about it every single time he was in her presence.
He didn't think he'd gone even half an hour without feeling goosebumps, his heart racing, butterflies, or a mix of all of them. Both when he was with her, and even when he wasn't.
It was weird, and different. But it was also kind of...nice. It was nice to know he could feel these things. After all this time, he really wasn't sure he could. He'd certainly never felt them before—not about a person.
But Olivia. She made him feel.
Just the thought of going downstairs right now and seeing her, made him start to smile to himself, as he smoothed aftershave onto his now freshly shaved skin.
He checked in on Karen to see what she was up to first, peeking his head through her slightly open door. She was laying on her stomach on her bed, kicking her little legs back and forth as she read a book. She was slightly mouthing the words to herself, and it made him smile.
Hank was laying next to her on her bed, taking a little nap. Just her and her pup—it was a pretty cute sight.
She was so invested in her book that she didn't even notice him peek his head in, so he decided not to disturb her reading and quietly headed downstairs.
The main level seemed empty, so he ventured to the basement, heading to see Olivia again. He'd seen her for breakfast earlier, but then everyone had gone to get ready for their days, it seemed. Or apparently, to read a book, like his little girl.
His heart started pounding as he went down the stairs. He literally hadn't had a moment alone with her since Friday evening, because they'd all practically spent the entire day together yesterday, which left no room for moments alone. And frankly, he was okay with that, because he was very content to take things slow.
He didn't even know what he was doing. He still had no idea. And actively trying to sneak around his own home with his wife and daughter under the same roof, first of all, would make him feel even worse about himself. And second of all, wasn't easy, either. So he didn't actively try to do that, and clearly, neither did Olivia.
This was just the first time where Mellie was now gone, and Karen was invested in a book upstairs.
He opened the basement door, turning right to the hallway that held her bedroom. Her door was closed, so he reached out and knocked.
"Liv?" he asked.
Moments later, she opened the door, wearing nothing but a robe around her body. Her hair was all taken out of the braids that he was pretty sure she wore to bed every night. It was so curly. It was so beautiful.
Her face was completely bare, with no makeup on yet, and he loved it.
It distracted him from the state of her body, which was covered only with a soft layer of fabric that was a little more open near the very top.
Her pretty face broke into an instant smile when she saw him outside her door.
"Hi," she said, smiling at him.
"Hi," he greeted, flashing her a smile back.
"Aren't you extra smiley today," she laughed.
He looked down at the floor, feeling himself blush. "Uh…yeah," he chuckled. "Yeah. Um…sorry. I can…I can let you get dressed if you want, I didn't mean to interrupt you getting ready or anything."
"Oh, no, don't worry about it," she replied with a shake of her head. "You're not interrupting anything. What's up?"
"I'm uh…I'm heading to Whole Foods here pretty quick. Mellie's on a run and then is going shopping with her sister after so, I was just wondering if you would be alright to stay with K for a little bit?"
She smiled. "Oh, of course! It's actually wash day for my hair, so I'll be staying put. It usually takes up a decent portion of my Sundays."
And that rang a bell with him. Now that she mentioned it, he definitely had noticed that much of her Sundays were spent downstairs. He had no idea this was why, but that made a lot of sense.
He nodded. "Ohh, right, yeah. I...noticed that," he said, which made her smile at him. "So, um, before I go...do you have anything you want me to add to the list?"
"You know, I think I'm good. K's out of veggie straws, though, I do know that," she said, trying to rack her brain.
"Yep, got those," he nodded, scrolling through the list on his phone.
"Okay. Otherwise…nothing for me," she nodded. "Thanks for checking!"
"Yeah," he smiled. "Okay. I'm...gonna go. I'll let you be. Let you…have a nice, relaxing wash day."
"Thank you very much," she laughed. "You'll be back right after, though, right?" she asked.
"Yeah."
"Good," she smiled.
He bit his lip, looking at her pretty smile.
Fuck. He didn't want to go.
"Um," he began, eyes wandering back up to meet hers. "I, um…you know, can I actually come in for just a second?"
She wasted no time opening the door wider for him. Like she'd been waiting for him to ask.
As soon as she shut the door, the two just looked at each other, waiting for the other to fucking do it already.
He was the one that ultimately went for it.
He tossed his phone carelessly on the bed, and leaned in, pressing his lips to hers.
He could feel her beginning to smile against his lips, and it made him smile back. He gave her a few long kisses, letting his lips linger for as long as he wanted. He kept his arms firmly around her waist, never letting them wander, especially because she was in only a robe.
He wanted to do everything in his power to make sure she felt comfortable with him. And right now, it seemed like she couldn't be more comfortable. She was in his arms, pressing her lips to his. With a big smile on her face, as soon as they pulled away.
"Hi, for real," she whispered, looking up at him.
"Hi," he whispered back with a smile.
He touched his lips lightly to hers again, watching her eyes light up as he did it. His heart could barely take it. So he did it again, and again. Feeling the way both of their bodies responded. And the way his heart responded.
"I missed you," he whispered.
"I missed you too," she said. "I've seen you all weekend, and yet…I know exactly what you mean."
He nodded, looking over her face. "You make me…hate the weekends. I've just been waiting and waiting for it to be Monday. So I can…spend actual time with you again."
Her smile grew impossibly bigger. "I think that is…the highest level of compliment I've ever received in my life. 'You make me hate the weekends.'"
They both started to laugh.
"It's true," he chuckled.
"Likewise," she smiled. "Although I have to say, I'm really digging this weekend attire, almost as much as your suits during the week. I'm a fan of the red," she said, running her hand down his red, flannel shirt.
"Thanks," he blushed. "I like...your robe. It's very soft," he said, feeling the fabric.
"Why thank you," she said.
"You're welcome," he smiled.
He leaned in and kissed her again, without warning. And then he kissed both of her cheeks, feeling content when she let out a little laugh.
"Okay. I'll actually let you be now. Sorry. I just wanted to...I just wanted to do that," he said.
"I wanted you to do that," she nodded, looking up at him. "Hurry back from the store."
He chuckled. "Okay. It'll just be us three for lunch. Are you...hungry for anything?"
"You are amazing, do you know that? You make a fantastic breakfast, and now you're already asking about lunch. You know what that is?"
"What?" he asked.
"Powerful," she whispered.
"You make me laugh," he chuckled, shaking his head.
"That is one of my goals, honestly," she nodded. "I'm pretty sure every time you laugh, a baby is born."
Now he was really laughing, leaning his head down on her shoulder.
Her whole body warmed, feeling him that close, and listening to him laugh. She couldn't stop smiling, running her fingers through the hair on the back of his head.
"God. I...," he began, before letting out a big sigh. "I really like you."
"I really like you," she replied, curling her fingers in his hair. "So much, Fitz. I can't even explain."
He sighed, looking longingly at her. "Okay. Okay...I'm going to go now for real. But I'll...hurry back."
"Okay," she laughed, standing on her tiptoes to peck his lips.
He pressed his lips to hers back, closing his eyes and squeezing her tightly in a hug before he had to grab his phone and go.
After many additional kisses, he finally left her bedroom and the basement. He honestly was debating not even going to the store, but he knew he had to, and that she had her Sunday routine, anyway.
So he checked in with his little girl first, and made sure she didn't have anything else she needed or wanted, and then went to the store. He checked off items on his list as fast as he could, but made sure he didn't forget anything.
Even Mellie's friggin oatmeal.
Meanwhile, Olivia was having a relaxing Sunday, taking a nice, long shower. Afterward, her hair was freshly washed and conditioned, completely detangled, and looking as curly and bouncy as ever.
She completed her whole post-shower routine; including her eye cream, face lotion, and body lotion, all of which left her feeling very refreshed and moisturized. She put on a touch of makeup, but otherwise didn't like to go heavy on the weekends, unless she was actually going out somewhere.
When her hair was just damp, she applied coconut oil to her curls, and then officially got dressed for the day. Her Sunday attire entailed a pair of leggings and a cozy white sweater.
Sweaters, especially in the fall, were her favorite.
That took up the majority of her fall and winter wardrobe, in all reality. She had a little more space in her walk-in closet to hang them up here in New York. But back home, she used to have a massive pile of sweaters on the top shelf of her closet.
Many times, picking a single one out of the pile had caused it to topple over onto her. She was a sweater hoarder, that was for sure.
And now, all showered and moisturized, and ready for a nice day in, she was feeling extra cozy.
Mellie and Fitz had both come home long before she was truly done with everything, but Mellie had left right away again to go shopping, and Fitz had been preparing lunch upstairs. She could hear him.
But he'd come down once to check in with her that what he was making was okay with her.
He was so cute. Truly.
And brilliant in the kitchen. Who casually made shrimp tacos on a Sunday for lunch? Apparently, Fitz did.
And she made sure to tell him that it was more than okay with her, because shrimp was her favorite. He already knew—it had come up a while ago while they were getting to know each other during one of their commutes. Shrimp anything, was a favorite of hers.
So he called her up for an early afternoon lunch, and she came upstairs all ready for the day.
She walked past Karen, who was currently talking to Fitz by the kitchen island, and Karen stopped as soon as Olivia passed her.
"Liv," she said.
"What's up, sweetie?" Olivia asked, grabbing a glass from the cupboard.
"Do you know that you always smell so good?" Karen asked.
Olivia giggled and eyed Fitz, who was subtly eyeing her up and down in her current outfit. Looking at everything from her hair, to her leggings. And blushing when he realized he'd been caught.
She turned back to Karen with a laugh. "Well thank you, K! That's very sweet of you!"
"You're welcome. You must have the best perfume in the whole world," Karen noted.
Fitz was standing somewhat behind Karen at the moment, so she couldn't see her dad do it. But his eyes widened and he nodded seriously in agreement.
Olivia had to refrain from smiling too hard at him so that she didn't look like a complete wacko.
"Well, you know, it's probably a mix of a couple different things, if I had to guess, because...I'm not wearing any perfume right now!" Olivia replied.
"You're not?" Karen asked.
"Nope," Olivia said. "Just...lotion. And maybe a mix of...my conditioner and coconut oil?" she guessed, filling up a glass of water.
"Oh," Karen nodded. "Well, it is a good combination."
"Thanks, K," she smiled.
Karen nodded happily and continued telling her dad about a project she was doing at school.
She watched him from afar, and listened to Karen talk to him.
He was leaning against the counter, making eye contact with her and nodding at what she was saying. She was very clearly excited about what she was talking about, and he was giving her all his attention.
It made Olivia smile. He was such a sweet, attentive dad. And that was so attractive.
Olivia got to learn about this project over lunch as well—a little English project apparently. Taking a book, any book of their choosing, and creating a board game inspired by it. To help them with their analyzation skills, as well as to bring out their creativity.
Karen was currently reading her chosen book, "The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane", for the second time. Just to make sure she had a firm grasp of the book.
It made Olivia smile. Sounded familiar.
And honestly, it just felt really natural. Sitting and having lunch with him and Karen. Talking to her about a school project, and giving her advice. It felt good.
Spending the whole day with just the two of them felt good. Mellie was always kind to Olivia; she had absolutely no reason to hate on Mellie other than the fact that she was really jealous of her.
And maybe because she didn't treat Fitz how he deserved to be treated. But she didn't truly know much about their relationship other than what she speculated. All she truly knew was the little bit that Fitz had told her, which was that that they were extremely dysfunctional, pretty much.
But in the past couple days, since she'd actually been...involved with him, she had been wondering if she could ask him to tell her a little bit more about their marriage.
She was afraid of being too nosy, and asking things that were too personal. But also, she thought she kind of had a right to ask. She had absolutely no idea what was going to come of...whatever this was with Fitz. She didn't even know what it was. She didn't know what they were doing and she knew he didn't either. There were no plans, and that made it a little difficult. There was no set of rules that she could attempt to follow in this situation. Although, the only nonspoken rules that were at all related to this situation, she'd probably long broken by now.
This was completely new territory for both of them. So, despite how nervous she was about it, she decided just to go for it while they were downstairs together. Karen was upstairs practicing piano, so they had come downstairs to watch "Game of Thrones." Truly, they hadn't even started an episode yet and probably weren't going to. So far all they'd done was cuddle and look at each other like a pair of idiots.
Hopefully what she asked wouldn't ruin their moment.
"Hey," she whispered, slowly intertwining their fingers together.
"Hey," he whispered back.
"I have a question. And I don't know if it's alright for me to ask it. But I also think…it's something I should know. So based on those things—do you think I should ask it?" she laughed.
He smiled, and gave her a nod. "You can ask me anything. Always."
She let out a breath, and nodded. "Alright," she said, scooting closer to him.
They were both laying on one of the chaise lounge ends of the "U" shaped couch. It was probably only ideal for one person to lay on that outstretched lounge part, but they were making it work.
And she made it work even more. She moved her legs over one of his legs, tangling them underneath their blanket. Feeling his muscular thigh beneath both of hers. And with their hands also currently interlocked, they were pretty much as cuddled up as they could be. Something they had never done, but something she now wished they could do all the time.
After snuggling up as close as possible to him, she went for it.
"I wondered if you could tell me about you and Mellie. I guess I just want to understand...you know? I want to understand...what this is, and where you're...at with her. I don't know. I'm going to be honest, I've obviously never been in a situation like this so I don't really know how to go about this."
She feared how he would respond. But he simply nodded at her.
"I completely understand. You...you have absolutely every right to question things. I will answer anything you want to know. I don't...really know how to go about this either. I'm still trying to...navigate this in my head if I'm being completely honest."
"Me too," she nodded. "I've been thinking about it nonstop for two days."
And she really had. She'd been dying to talk to someone about the new things that were happening in her life. She desperately wanted to tell Shawn, because she knew of all people that she would be supportive and would never say a word to anyone. But she had refrained from doing so thus far, because she still wasn't sure it was even okay to tell her. But man, it was hard to keep all the emotions she felt to herself inside.
All she had right now was him.
"So have I," he agreed, leaning his head against hers. "Do you...wish I hadn't kissed you?"
"Absolutely not," she answered. "…Do you?"
"No," he said. "I still don't know what the hell I'm doing. What we're doing. but...I know for certain that I don't regret telling you how I feel and hearing that it's mutual. Or…kissing you."
She nodded, adjusting her head on his shoulder. "I don't think there's really a way to know what the hell we're doing right now. I don't think anyone in this situation is ever going to know. And I think the only thing we can do is...be in this together, and take it one step at a time."
He sighed, looking down at her intently. She seemed so much older than she was. He forgot that she was 18, and he forgot that there were a decent number of years between them, simply because it didn't feel that way. She admitted along with him that they had no plan. But also, she was calm and collected about it. Not that he was surprised, that was just Olivia. But all he could do was nod in amazement. Because she was right.
"We're in this together," he said quietly.
"We're in this together," she repeated.
"And you're right, too, about taking it one step at a time. And I think the first step is...having these conversations. So...with Mellie. Do you want me to...start from the beginning?"
She nodded. "If that's okay, yeah."
He nodded. "Okay. It's...it's a long story, though. And it's probably not...a good one."
She nodded, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.
He squeezed back, giving her a shy smile. And then he began.
"So, college was...a crazy period of my life. It was so much change for me in a fairly small amount of time. First, heading into college, itself, was a little intimidating for me. I've always been pretty close with my mom, especially because it was just her and I for the majority of my childhood. So...even though I stayed close to home for college, it was a big change for me. I was even quieter back then than I am now, if you can believe that."
"Awww," she smiled, squeezing his hand. He chuckled.
"So...overall, at the time, it just felt like a lot. But I tried to make the most of it—I really did. I tried to come out of my shell a little bit. I purposefully didn't go home all that much, and I met new people. One of whom, was Mellie, but...I didn't know her well during my freshman year. She was more of an acquaintance at that point. We lived in the same dorm, and saw each other frequently, but weren't close."
"Okay, I got you," Olivia nodded.
"What I didn't know, though, was that that whole year, she...kind of liked me. But I literally had no idea, because...I hadn't had so much as a fling in high school and had no idea how to tell."
"Wait…nothing in high school?" Olivia asked.
He shook his head. "No. Nothing. I was so shy, Liv."
"Oh my gosh," she whispered, smiling at him. "Mister shy guy."
He smiled back. "Yeah. So…anyway, at the very end of the school year, there was this, um...this big party that I went to. I wasn't much of a partier, much to your surprise, I'm sure," he teased.
"Really? I would have thought you were a huge partier. Throwing ragers every weekend and such," she laughed.
"Yeah, right," he chuckled. "It wasn't my thing. But I tried to step out of my comfort zone, you know, so...I went. And...I made some poor decisions at that party."
"Oh no...what did you do?" Olivia said nervously.
"Well. It was the first time I ever got drunk. I barely remember it anymore, it was that bad. This group of people I was with at the time, some of them I knew, some of them I didn't—we were drinking, playing these dumb games. Truths were coming out. Embarrassing truths," he replied.
"Oh no. Parties tend to do that," she winced.
He sighed, and continued. "Yes, they do. So...some truths came out. One was that...out of the people in that group, only two of us had never kissed anyone before."
"Oh, gosh. So...you and Mellie," she guessed.
"No, actually," he answered. "Me and...Abby Whelan. Mellie, actually, was at this party, but not hanging out with the group I was with."
She was confused. "Wait. Abby as in your now-best friend, Abby?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "Abby and I didn't really know each other at that point, either. We just knew of each other. But...I think we were drunk, and embarrassed that we had actually admitted the truth, and thought—it's not that big of a deal, it's stupid. Let's just get it over with, we might as well. Everyone was egging us on to do it. So we did."
"Oh my gosh," Olivia laughed. "Right there in front of everyone, huh?"
"Yep," he nodded. "In all our drunk...glory. It was awkward. I truly don't...remember much except that she was...she was on my lap at one point—"
She opened her mouth in surprise and her eyes widened, not expecting to picture a much younger Fitz doing things like that.
"—Yeah, I know. What can I say, I was obviously just...just a real player," he teased. "Had never so much as kissed a girl at age 19 and was all of a sudden...doing it. Very drunk, I might add."
"Wow, you know, that is quite the first kiss," she nodded with a laugh. Thinking of him as a "player" was also particularly funny, because he truly seemed like the opposite.
"Yeah. It was...so weird and so awkward, and honestly, we both don't remember much of it. But...it was after that awkward experience that we became actual friends," he said. "And now...she's my best friend. So I guess I'm happy that came of it."
"So...I don't have to be...jealous of your best friend now, do I?" Olivia teased.
"No," Fitz chuckled, shaking his head. "No. She is very happily married, and I'm good buddies with her husband, David, too."
"Right, your golf partner," Olivia said.
"Yes," he nodded. "I love her and she's wonderful. But...no, I promise you there is no need to be jealous of her. She's like a sister to me. We were each other's awkward, stumbly, first kiss and that's all."
"Okay, okay. So I take it...this is where Mellie comes in," Olivia guessed.
"Yes," he nodded. "Turns out she actually caught the tail-end of it happening at the party and then left all upset. So when word got around to me that she was mad and she hated that 'red-headed bitch'—"
Olivia put her hands up to her mouth. "Oh, dear."
"Yeah. Still hates her, by the way, which makes my life a living hell," Fitz nodded. "So, anyway, at that point I finally started to...comprehend that she was interested. I didn't know her well—but nobody had ever been interested in me before, to my knowledge, and that was a new experience for me. So I thought...okay. I'll go for it. She was smart. She was way more extroverted than me and I was amazed that she liked me. She was pretty, I knew a lot of guys that liked her. And...we both lived in New York outside of college. So that summer after our freshman year...was when we started dating."
"Okay," Olivia nodded along.
"And if you can do the math, based on that sweet little girl upstairs playing the piano right now...it wasn't too long after that that my world changed even more."
Olivia nodded with wide eyes. "Right...so when did that happen?"
"We got pregnant right at the beginning of our sophomore year—September. And Karen was born the next June. So...I went from...nervous about college, to trying to come out of my shell, to having my first girlfriend, to then...learning I was going to be a dad, all in about the span of a year."
"Wow," Olivia whispered.
"Yeah. Mellie and I weren't...ready for that. At that point, we'd only been dating since the beginning of that summer. In no way were we ready for any of that. But we didn't have a choice, it happened, and we...handled it the best way we thought we could. We handled it how...we thought we were supposed to, at age 19."
Olivia nodded, giving him an understanding look.
"We decided...that eventually, we would get married, because...that's what we thought was right. We did it during summer break—a year after Karen was born. Mellie was a little more gung-ho about the idea than I was. But...ultimately, I was never going to leave her by herself with the baby. We were so young and...I would have never done that. Not being a part of his or her life wasn't an option for me, that I was sure about. So...I agreed. There were multiple things that went behind our decision. I didn't really ask her to marry me. I mean—I did, it was a whole fancy deal in front of our families and everything. But it was kind of more of...an agreement. An agreement with an expensive ring, I should add."
Yeah, that sounded like Mellie.
"And to give you some more context...Mellie grew up with divorced parents, and hardly ever speaks to her dad anymore. Things got so bad, she and Harmony were always caught in the middle. It kind of scarred her, rightfully so. She's close with her mom now, but it wasn't always that way. And luckily she and her sister stuck together through it all. But ultimately...that experience was the center of her childhood. And the idea of separated parents for her own child...scares her. No matter how much we don't get along...I know that experience will always haunt her," he admitted.
"And you know, as a 19-year-old, I felt the same way she did. I didn't experience the same exact thing. But I grew up, for the most part, without a dad too, and it was hard just my mom and I. We had everything we needed and more, I was very blessed and I'll forever be grateful for that. But that never changed the fact that we missed dad, and having a two-parent household had made me a lot happier in the seven years that I had it. It was important to me, too. So...I agreed with Mellie on that, I really did."
"I can understand that," Olivia nodded. She didn't have the privilege of remembering what it was like to have her dad in the house. But she did know she'd trade anything to have him back. Not just for her, but for her mother.
"Yeah. This wasn't meant to work between Mellie and I. We aren't 'soulmates'. We aren't meant to be together. I think, honestly, we truly started because Mellie felt the need to "beat" Abby and win me over, and because I was happy that a smart, pretty girl liked me first. I think if I'm being blunt, that was what it all boiled down to. And I think we were beginning to figure that out. I think we started to realize at 19, going on 20, that it wasn't going to work. But all of a sudden...we had more to think about than just us two. We had...a whole other life to think about. So we decided we were just going to make it work, for Karen. So that she could have what neither of us really had."
Oh...wow.
"So...how long has it been...bad?" Olivia asked.
He sighed, thinking back. "Well, it hasn't been a good marriage right from the start. It was built on obligation, not...not love. But it's probably steadily gotten worse. When it's just the two of us, we don't really talk unless we need to. If one of us is going somewhere or has plans, or...which one of us needs to pick up K on a certain day. Most of the time, it's about Karen, because she's what's important to us. And aside from that, we usually go about our days like the other just isn't there."
"How do you...I mean how do you deal with this?" Olivia asked. "I respect the decision that you and her made all those years ago. I understand how tough of a position that must have been. But how do you do it?"
He sighed. "We work, that at least keeps us busy. All of Karen's activities keep us busy. I talk to the people I trust about it—Abby. David. My mother. And I remember that...from all of this mess, came Karen. She's the center of it all, and...she's everything to me."
Olivia nodded, after receiving all of that information. That was a lot to process. She felt better that she understood it now. But man, that was just...a lot.
"Neither of you have ever...you know. Gone...outside your marriage," she inquired.
"No," he shook his head. "Mellie's too stubborn to do that. She's all about making it work and keeping up the image that everything's fine. And...I think to her, cheating would be the ultimate admission that she doesn't believe it can. And if you haven't noticed...Mellie isn't the type of person that likes to be wrong."
"No," Olivia shook her head.
"And...I hadn't...ever. I thought I would never. Just...um, just with you," he said quietly.
"And...where are you at with that?" she whispered. "I mean...how are you feeling about this since...we talked on Friday?"
"You want me to...be completely honest?" he asked. "About everything?"
"Yes," she nodded. "Always."
He nodded back. "I feel...scared, because...I've never felt things like this before. You make me...feel," he said. "And the fact that you do, makes me scared. Because that's a change for me, and…I still don't know what we're going to do. I feel...confused, because even though this all scares me, it makes me feel...good, too. So then I feel guilty because it feels good. And because...no matter what dead marriage I'm in, it feels like I'm still...betraying her, and my daughter, in our own house. I feel...excited, whenever I think about you, or when I know I'm going to see you. Happy, whenever...I'm with you. My heart races when...when I kiss you—I could keep going. I've been feeling quite a range lately."
She sighed, and nodded in agreement. Almost everything he'd described, she felt too. The good and the bad.
She'd spent her whole life being told she was smart, and that she always had everything figured out. And right now, neither of those things felt at all true to her. This was in no way a smart move, and it was in no way figured out.
But Fitz was like something she'd never experienced in her life. It made no sense, that was for sure. It was something she didn't even know how to think logically about. But he felt like this high, that she didn't want to ever come down from. The only way she could think to describe him was that he felt…right. But that certainly didn't match their overall situation, because this sure as hell wasn't right.
Truly, the good and the bad, were very prominent in her brain, and clearly in his, too.
"How about you?" he asked.
"All of the above," she whispered, eyeing him. "This is a very...conflicting position to be in if you have a conscience and a heart at the same time."
"That's a really good way to put it," he nodded, tightening his grip on her.
She looked down sadly, just wanting to snuggle up to him for the rest of the day, and pretend this wasn't the situation they were in.
But they would never get to do that, because the situation was very real.
"How are you doing?" he asked, squeezing her hand. "Did I freak you out? With...with everything about Mellie?"
"No," she answered. "I'm glad I know now—the full story. I know maybe it sounds weird, but...I just needed to know. It was kind of what I had thought was the case, anyway."
"Yeah. I...just want to apologize, again, for this, Olivia. For you being in this position right now. Living here, and...and everything that comes with that. I can't imagine, and I'm so sorry," he sighed, looking at her.
She nodded. "Well. I don't know that I'm in a worse position than you are. I think this is equally...shit...for both parties."
"That is probably a good assessment, yes," he agreed with a laugh.
She nodded, and looked down at their hands interlocked on her lap. And she couldn't help but think about the differences before her.
Not just the difference in size, or the difference in the color of their skin. Everything between them.
"We are in...such different places in our lives, Fitz," she whispered, lifting up their hands and watching their fingers slowly intertwine again before her eyes. He watched too, letting his fingers slowly fit into hers.
"I know," he whispered, rubbing his thumb on the top of her hand.
"Does that bother you?" she whispered, looking over at him. "Does it bother you that I'm...younger than you?"
He took a moment to think, but he shook his head fairly quickly. "It doesn't bother me. It makes things a little more difficult than they already are. But honestly...I forget. I forget that you're as young as you are. You seem so much older to me, and I'm sure everyone else thinks the same. It's not something that I actively think about, even though...I know if other people knew, they wouldn't like this. For many reasons. I don't think anything is in our favor in this situation, Liv. To me, it feels like...the whole world is against us, and yet...here we are."
She sighed, leaning her head back on his shoulder again.
"Yes," she nodded. "Can I ask...what makes you want to defy the world with me?" she whispered with a smile.
"You," he answered right away. "You make me want to."
She smiled at him, hoping he would continue. Because she'd really been wondering what would make him want to put himself in such an awful position.
And he did continue.
"I'm going to be very honest with you again," he began.
"Please," she nodded.
"I didn't know you were coming to stay with us until two weeks before you came. Mellie kind of sprung it on me, and...I wasn't happy about it. Not because of you, I didn't know anything about you. Just...because she's a little pushy with Karen on the school subject, and that was the whole reason behind this, so Karen could be introduced to this CITYterm program. I'm very vocal with Mellie about not being so pushy, because K is still so young."
"Right, I completely agree," Olivia nodded. "Wait...she seriously didn't tell you until two weeks before I came?"
"No," he chuckled.
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Now I feel even worse about...fucking up your schedule more than anyone else's!"
"No," he shook his head immediately. "Don't feel bad about anything. I was going to tell you that...I'm so glad you came. I'm so glad you're here. It didn't take me long at all to see how special you are. How amazing you are. So driven. So bright. You know what you want to do in this world and I admire that so much. Karen looks up to you, and...she loves you. And that's...I mean, that's everything to me. Every little thing that you do just...makes me smile. You're just...I don't know if you realize how amazing you are to me, Olivia."
Her heart fluttered, hearing all of that. And hearing all of that come from him.
"And..." he added, looking shyly down at his lap. "You are so beautiful," he whispered. "Just...absolutely stunning. I've thought so since day one."
And just when she thought her cheeks couldn't feel any warmer than they already did...
"Oh, Fitz," she smiled, looking up at him. "You make me blush more than anyone I know."
"Same here," he smiled.
"Yeah, it's...cute as hell," she nodded.
And just that made him start to blush.
"See," she giggled, kissing his cheek. "You want to hear it from my side, smiley?"
He bit his lip, nodding slowly at her with a smile. "Yeah."
She got settled in, ready to tell him why he was so amazing to her. She had a lot to say.
"You are...such a good dad. And you're so established in your career already, which has always been impressive to me. The way you carry yourself, how kind you are, how sweet you are. All of those things are so attractive to me. You are...so attractive to me. I admire you more than you know," she said.
He was smiling, looking down at his lap. He was sure he'd never been that heavily complimented in his entire life from anyone other than...his mom?
But she wasn't done yet, she kept going.
"I love that you love your books like me. I love your love for music, and coffee, and good food. And your singing voice is beautiful. It makes me want to cry—and I do want to let you know that I hate crying with a passion—"
He was chuckling at her, which made her laugh too. But she continued.
"You're shy, and I find it very sweet. But you're also pretty smiley and chatty when you want to be," she whispered, poking his arm. That really made him blush.
"I'm not quiet with...the right people," he said. Something he'd said to her right when they met.
"Right, right," she smiled, catching on. "You and I are...chatting up a storm these days, aren't we.
"Yeah. Among...other things."
That made her burst into laughter all over again, and it made him laugh too. His little jokes were always not expected at all, and that made them even funnier to her.
"Among other things," she nodded in agreement. "And...there's something else, by the way."
"What?" he asked.
"You are...the most handsome man I've ever known," she said. "You are...I mean—damn. You are...so hot, Fitz, I'm just going to be blunt, because at this point, why not."
"Oh...wow," he blushed nervously, scratching his head. "Thank you."
"You're so welcome. I am...just telling the God's honest truth right now."
He was blushing and smiling, like nobody had told him these things very often, and she wondered how that could possibly be the case.
He deserved so much more than what he'd gotten.
"So...the fact that I'm older...it doesn't bother you, either?" he asked.
"No," she replied. "Not a single bit. Like you said, it makes things more difficult. But it doesn't bother me at all. Everything about you is...everything that I want."
He sighed, pulling her even closer to him.
"You mean so much to me," he whispered. "I can't even begin to describe how much."
"Same here," she whispered back, looking adoringly up at him.
He rested his other hand on her thigh under the blanket. "I'm really glad we talked today."
"Me too," she nodded, squeezing his hand.
"And by the way, I think I should just point out that my daughter is 100 percent right. You smell amazing—all of the time. Every second of every day, my God."
Now she was blushing, and giggling into his shoulder. "Thank you! I'm very glad you think so. You always smell amazing too. Every time you get into the car, or walk past me, all I'm met with is this amazing scent all around."
"Thank you," he chuckled.
"Mhm," she nodded, into his shoulder. "You smell fantastic right now, too."
"As do you," he whispered. He leaned in and kissed her lips, but moved to her cheek, and then to her neck. He could instantly feel her open herself to him so that he could. She lifted up her chin, closing her eyes as he realized again, that this was something she really liked. So he didn't stop.
He moved his lips along her neck slowly, making his way up to her jaw. Never staying in one spot for too long so he didn't leave any marks.
"This is your favorite, isn't it," he whispered, against her soft skin.
"Yes," she whispered, curling her fingers in his hair. Finally having to let go of his hands because his hair felt like a natural place to go.
"Good to know," he said quietly, gripping her body tightly and keeping at it. She debated shifting her body and moving into his lap. She desperately wanted to. But she refrained, not wanting to go too fast and feeling guilty that Karen was just upstairs. She'd already felt guilty on Friday, with Mellie having been just upstairs, too.
The kisses still escalated a little bit into a makeout session. But hands didn't wander, and bodies didn't shift. They were both content to take it slow.
One step at a time, and together. That was their plan. Their…only plan.
But eventually, Karen stopped with her piano, so they composed themselves and returned upstairs after they "watched Game of Thrones". Or as Karen cutely referred to watching it as—"Game of Throning."
And eventually Mellie came home, too. She brought home a new fancy crystal dish set that she, alone, seemed excited about.
And after Mellie returned, the day seemed to go by quicker. Olivia wasn't in her own little world with Fitz in the basement anymore. It was back to reality.
By the end of the day, she was completely in agreement with Fitz. Weekends sucked, and she couldn't wait for the week to begin. More time with him was a win to her.
Before she headed downstairs for the night, she eyed Fitz as she was filling up her water bottle. He was helping Karen with her math homework at the dinner table, while simultaneously watching Sunday Night Football on the TV in the living room from the kitchen. Mellie had recently retired to the sunroom after talking with Karen about her English project.
Karen had her back to Olivia, so she couldn't see her. She and Fitz were eyeing each other back and forth for a solid five minutes, just smiling at each other and mouthing things back and forth. But she did want to head to bed, so she ended their "conversation."
"Miss you," she mouthed.
"Miss you," he mouthed back.
She cleared her throat, grabbing her now full water bottle and saying goodnight to everyone, even little Hank, laying at the foot of the kitchen table.
And after getting ready for bed, and French braiding her hair to wear under her wrap, she fell asleep happy.
Thinking about the man upstairs.
It had grown easier and easier to wake up as early as she did. But that Monday morning felt even easier.
She was quick to get out of bed, go grab a banana, and start getting dressed for her workout.
She was in the bathroom brushing her teeth when the basement door opened again, and she heard footsteps near the bathroom door, which was slightly open.
And then she saw a cute face peeking in, just after he knocked quietly.
"Hey you," he greeted.
"Hey," she greeted back, laughing because she still had a toothbrush in her mouth and hadn't even taken off her head wrap yet.
He leaned in and pecked her cheek, giving her a cute smile before he left her to finish brushing her teeth.
She kind of laughed, having to lean down immediately and rinse her mouth with water.
He was so cute.
When she entered the gym, she was met with the sight of him warming up on the treadmill, and shaking out his arms.
Monday was always arm day, and a little bit of abs, so she was blessed as usual with what she got to see.
He didn't usually take his shirt off with her, and she knew that if she didn't work out with him; he probably would. But despite how damn good he looked under that shirt—he was more shy, so she understood.
But seeing him do pull-ups and push-ups galore—she could watch that shit all day if someone let her. Whew.
She was getting a little stronger too, she could tell. Her arms felt a little more cut. And things were getting a little bit easier to do. It was a process, but she could tell that it was definitely working.
Supporting and encouraging each other became a little bit more fun now, too. When kisses were involved...that made it better.
Near the end of the hour, he sat at the end of her mat, holding her feet as she did two full minutes of crunches like he'd just done. He was panting, resting his elbow on top of her knees, still coming down from his entire workout. Encouraging her as she did her last remaining seconds.
"Almost done. Finish strong," he breathed, rubbing her knee affectionately.
She breathed out as she powered through her last couple crunches.
"Time," he said, watching her lay back tiredly on the mat, keeping her knees bent because he was leaning on them.
"Those never get easier," she panted, wiping the sweat away after another long workout. Mondays always felt the longest, that was for sure.
"No," he shook his head. "Neither do planks. No matter how strong you are or how long you've been doing them. Never easy."
"God, planks can...planks can step on legos," she whispered, putting her palm over her face.
He was chuckling, leaning his head against her legs. "Step on legos."
"Yes," she laughed, looking up at him, and slowly lowering her knees down to the mat.
She did it for a reason.
Now he didn't have anywhere to lean, and he was sitting near her hips, looking down at her. He put his hands on both sides of her hips, slowly extending his body over her. But keeping his wait on his palms, so that he was a few feet from her face.
She waited, looking up at him. Waiting for him to make a move.
He dipped his head, and captured her lips in his gently. And he lowered himself onto his forearms, to be closer to her. Hovering above her.
She wanted him to lower himself all the way down, but she didn't push it.
Although, for the first time ever, she felt a brush of his tongue. And it immediately made her open her mouth wider.
She had been cautious about that, just as she was about everything with him. She really never wanted to move too fast or push anything, and this was one thing that hadn't happened. Now it was.
She slowly brushed her tongue against his inside his mouth, and it made him moan quietly. God that sound turned her on.
They were sweaty and gross and that didn't even matter. It certainly didn't stop them from getting their fair share in at just before six in the morning.
Quite a time of day to be making out on a yoga mat.
It didn't go any further than that. Each time they kissed, their hands stayed in certain spots, not moving beyond what each was comfortable with. It was very clear that both still weren't quite sure about going further yet, and that both were okay with that.
Olivia had only been sexually involved with one guy in her life, and now that she knew his backstory, she knew it was the same on his end—with only one woman. Aside from...an awkward drunk kiss about 11 years ago.
But even still, he was way more experienced than she was and she knew it. It had been a long time since she'd been in bed with her ex—and on top of that, she wouldn't truly consider herself overly experienced.
But she knew already that she wanted more with Fitz. She didn't care how quickly anything happened, because this whole thing with him still kind of freaked her out. The conflicting feelings she felt made her nuts.
But despite everything, she knew she wanted him, and she wanted him bad. Her body had never quite responded to a guy before, how it responded to him.
For now, she kept things very basic, and so did he. Aside from the fact that his tongue was now plunging deep into her mouth right now.
His tongue in her mouth felt amazing, like something she hadn't experienced before. Even though…she had. But everything about Fitz just felt different, and better. And she couldn't help but imagine how his tongue would feel in other places, too.
Fuck.
When he pulled away, panting, she was quick to smooth out the curls that she had messed up with her fingers.
His hair was truly getting so long; it grew so fast. She remembered when she had met him and it had been short. She'd had to guess that it was curly, without truly knowing. But now the curls were very visible, and very soft. She felt the need to inquire more about them.
"Are you going to keep growing out your hair?" she whispered, running her fingers through the damp curls.
He panted, and laid there in thought above her. "Yeah, probably. Until it gets...unbearably long. It's getting colder, and that's when I usually let it grow. Why?"
"Because I love your hair," she whispered. "And I was just curious."
"Thank you," he smiled. "Do you...like it long?"
"Yes," she nodded immediately. "I think you should keep growing it out. It's so...curly. When it's short the world doesn't get to see this, and this deserves to be seen."
"Okay. I'll...grow it out for you, then," he nodded.
"Really?" she asked hopefully.
"Yeah," he nodded. "If you like it."
She gasped, kissing one cheek and then the other. "I feel so special," she laughed.
"You are to me," he whispered, kissing the tip of her nose.
"You are so sweet," she whispered,
He smiled back. "I, um...I love your hair too. I notice that you wear it in braids a lot. I like them," he said. "I mean—I like however you wear it. Not just...not just the braids. I just think...it always looks nice."
"You like these?" she asked, holding one of her French braids.
"Yeah," he nodded.
She couldn't help but laugh, because he was so cute.
"What?" he asked nervously.
"Oh, nothing, nothing," she said immediately. "I'm glad you like them, they're certainly nothing special. It's just how I wear my hair to bed. And...I keep them in to work out just because it's convenient. But, you know, I was thinking about getting my hair braided. I did a little research, and there's a nice salon I found in White Plains. So...if you like these, you'd maybe like those too."
"Get it braided?" he asked.
"Yeah—box braids. They're much thinner than these braids, and usually pretty long, but you can get different lengths and styles. I do it every once in a while; it's a nice change. And it's nice not to have to style it every day. If it's a reasonable price, I'll probably do it."
"Ohh, okay, yeah," he nodded. "You should do it. I bet you look beautiful when you do."
Now she was most definitely blushing. "Well thank you. I do think...it's a very pretty style. It can be very elegant."
"Yeah. I can drive you there if you need, or you could just...you could take my car. When are you going to do it?" he asked.
She giggled, pulling him down for a hug. "You're so sweet. Let me look into it a little more and I'll let you know, okay?"
"Okay," he nodded with a smile.
She sighed, looking up at the clock on the wall. "We should probably go, huh?"
He looked up at it too, and nodded. "Yeah."
"Alright. I need to...steal a few more of these before we go, though," she said, pressing her lips to his a few times.
He smiled against her mouth, pressing his lips back in return. "Just...a couple more."
"Mmmm...mkay," she giggled, letting her lips linger.
"Okay," he sighed, getting up on his knees. He helped her to her feet and they both just about chugged the rest of their water on the way up to mix some protein shakes.
But then they, unfortunately, had to part ways to get ready for the day. Both taking a shower to rinse off. Styling their hair and getting dressed.
Olivia put on her makeup and Fitz took that time to make himself breakfast. Olivia never felt hungry enough to eat anything other than a banana and a protein shake, so she was set.
And after feeding Hank, they were off on yet another Monday morning commute.
"How's your week this week?" Olivia asked, as they headed to Starbucks.
"It should be okay. Lots of meetings, though. I think I'm going to get drinks with Abby later this week, so that will be nice. I haven't seen her in a while."
"That will be fun. Where will you go?" Olivia asked.
"I'm not sure yet. Somewhere in the city, we have a few favorite places," he said. "How about you? How's your week?"
"Pretty good, I think," she nodded. "An exam on Thursday, but otherwise, it should be kind of a slow week for me, which is nice. I'm going to take advantage of it and finish up my early action application."
"NYU?" he asked immediately, turning to her.
"Yeah," she smiled.
"Oh, wow, that's awesome! How's that been going?" he asked.
"Good. My essay's been done for a while. But...I'm just being me. You know. Contemplating it and editing it over and over again."
"Hey, there's no problem with that," he shrugged. "When's the deadline?"
"November 15th. And then I should find out...in December."
"Wow. That's coming up so fast," he said.
"I know," she nodded. "I can't believe it."
"Keep me updated on the process, okay? So I can...cheer you on," he smiled.
"Will do, Fitz," she laughed, as they neared the turn to Starbucks.
That commute began no differently; they listened to music. Her music this morning. Made a little conversation. They went to Starbucks; Fitz got an Americano and she got just a hot coffee with cream.
But then something different did occur.
As she was taking a slow sip of her coffee, she watched him do something.
He reached over the center console, and put his hand on her thigh.
She smiled because of it and peered over at him. He had one hand coolly on the wheel—he knew she was looking at him now. He briefly met her eyes and gave her a smile, before looking back at the road.
She was happy to put her much smaller hand on top of his, fitting her fingers perfectly in the spaces of his. He rubbed his thumb slowly over her thigh, and she was bombarded with memories of the day on the train, when he'd done that same thing, trying to ease her nerves a little bit.
It felt even better this time around, knowing it was purely affectionate.
And so, she sipped her coffee contently, with Fitz's hand on her thigh. To her, that was a pretty happy Monday.
She couldn't believe how much things had changed over the course of a couple days. Last week, things had been entirely different than they were this week.
There was absolutely no doubt in either of their minds that things were headed in a very new direction.
Well, there was your chapter seven.
What did you think? They're taking it slow. But things are certainly different, and that will only continue from here on out. New direction.
You'll have to see how this all plays out. I'm so glad you're all along for the messy ride with me.
Hope you enjoyed.
Read on!
~T