We are back again with another chapter. Two in a row for this story. I just couldn't help myself. I'm loving this current situation and I plan to have my sadistic fun with it. It'll be a difficult thing to write, but I think by this point I've clearly made a sadomasochist out of myself, so let's get on with it and enjoy inflicting terrible pain on ourselves.

Before that, though, of course, is the usual plug for my other stories that you can find on my profile. I'm currently in the midst of writing an InuYasha fic Catch The Rain, a Koga fic In The Jaws Of The Wolf, and a Bankotsu fic Perfidious. I'm aiming to get one chapter out for one of these stories a week at the moment, until I have a decent enough backlog to set up a better schedule, so for now it's a Friday. It's slow-going, but it's all I can manage at the moment. Thank you for being patient with me.

And now, onwards with our emotional trauma

WARNING
DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT

This chapter describes graphic depictions of murder in an unsettling way

It is a dark and emotional chapter. If you find this upsetting, I encourage you not to read it. I will never tell someone not to read something if they want to, but I do encourage you to think about whether you will find depictions of murder too upsetting before reading. I care about your mental state, so please, consider skipping this story if you do not want to encounter detailed murder.

WARNING

Miasma

Here the power is ruthless and the truth is deaf. Here the air is filled with the miasma of sin.
-Jean Racine

Though I still couldn't hear anything but the pounding of blood in my ears, I knew the two men had heard me, had heard my decision.

Naraku's reaction was a subtle one, but I could still see him processing what I had just said, deciding what that meant, and how to proceed. I could only assume that Kagewaki, too, was reacting behind me.

I could feel a tremor running slowly down my spine, and my hands clenched into fists to stop the shaking of my fingers as I, too, processed the decision I had just made. Was it the right one? Had I chosen right? Was this decision something that would haunt me? Would I last long enough for it to haunt me? I had no clue what the answer was to any of those questions.

Naraku draped the deep pink fabric of my sash around my shoulders, then gently guided me around. I moved around willingly, turning so I was stood with my back towards the demon, facing Kagewaki.

He, too, was processing what he had just heard, his head bowed, staring down at the futon he was kneeling on.

Naraku took up the sash again, grasping it and pulling it around my throat so I was dragged back against him. I could feel the fabric around my throat, but it wasn't tight enough to choke me.

The moment Naraku's lips pressed against my ear, the roaring blood went quiet, and all I could hear was his deep voice purring in my ear. "Tell him. Look him in the eye and tell him what you choose."

Those words had Kagewaki's gaze lifting to me, to watch me pressed back against my lover, captured by silk around my throat. It felt too much like a noose to me. I had been captured in Naraku's web, and now the consequences of being so close to him had caught up to me.

"Tell him," the demon on my shoulder urged.

I swallowed thickly, trying to keep myself strong as Kagewaki's soft brown eyes met my own steely grey ones. "Him," I whispered, voice cracking, though no tears came. "It's him."

Naraku's chuckle grated in my ear, but his malicious glee was nothing on the way Kagewaki's expression crumbled.

The emotion choked me, but I still couldn't muster tears.

Naraku let the sash go slack around my throat, and his large hands slid over my shoulders, brushing over the bare tops of my breasts before he held them out, palms up in front of me. I flinched back into his chest when something materialised in his upturned palms.

A blade. A small but highly decorated kaiken.

I flinched further back into his chest. What the fuck was this? I had chosen him. He was the one I had given my loyalty to, and now he was presenting me a kaiken? Why?!

He answered my silent questions with that dark, crooning voice. "Take it, and end his misery."

End his misery...

Could I do that? Could I take his life? This man that had taken me in as his wife, and care for me in this wildly unfamiliar place. I had come to feel for him in return as he had treated me so well. Could I take that life? The life that I had vowed, when I had first come here, to care for and nurture back to health, as best as I could without the conveniences of modern medicine.

I had made my choice, laid out where my loyalties lied.

If this was a test from Naraku, then I couldn't disappoint.

So, with a shaking hand, I took the blade from Naraku's palms, and unsheathed it. The blade gleamed in the low light. It was a beautiful blade.

Its beauty was marred, though, by its purpose.

Naraku's hands found my bare hips, and urged me forwards with little nudges.

"Kagewaki..." I didn't know what to say to him, but I felt I needed to say something. To apologise, maybe? I had no idea how he would take an apology. If I were in his situation, I certainly wouldn't take an apology well. I'd tell whoever was apologising to shove it. I would fight for my life.

Kagewaki didn't so much as flinch as I approached him.

But his gaze met mine when I knelt before him. Tears were streaking his cheeks, but he set his frail shoulders.

"Forgive me."

"I cannot," he responded in a bare whisper.

I couldn't fault him for it. I didn't think I could ever forgive myself either.

"It was your life or mine," I tried to explain fruitlessly. He knew. He had witnessed the entire exchange. He knew just what was at stake and he knew why I had chosen Naraku. Nothing I could say could make the situation any better. We both knew that. I just couldn't let the silence be so deafeningly loud. It was already eating at me.

"Do not linger."

For all the fear I had for this man, all the thoughts that he couldn't hold up to the challenges life could throw at him, in the end it turned out that he was braver than I. Staring death in the face, I had fought for my life, changed sides and was about to commit atrocious sin. All just to stay alive. Kagewaki stared death in the face and hurried it along with grace and poise I would never be able to muster.

The tears that had evaded me until now prickled in my eyes as I raised a hand to cup the right side of his neck. My thumb brushed so gently over his throat. I could feel the pounding of his heart.

Each beat made me feel more sick.

I pushed myself up so I could lean forwards and press a sweet kiss to my husband's lips. Our last kiss.

His skin was clammy under mine, but he did reciprocate, with stiff motions. He wasn't relaxed enough to fall into the kiss like he had many times before. I couldn't blame him for that, or for the quiet noise of distress he made against my lips when I pressed the kaiken to the left side of his neck.

I hesitated, hands shaking.

I didn't want to do this.

I didn't want to do this.

But I had no choice. I could feel Naraku's presence looming behind me. This was an order from him, whether it was to test my loyalty, or to keep his hands clean of the dirty work he needed done, and I needed to do it.

Tears streaked my cheeks as I steeled myself, and drew the blade across my husband's neck.

He choked, spasming in my grip. I held tight to him, lips still pressed together, though the kiss had stopped the very moment I had steeled myself to do this. My head tipped, and the blade clattered to the ground as I gripped at the split skin. My forehead pressed to his own as tears rolled down my cheeks.

I was no stranger to the feeling of blood on my hands. A surgeon's life was not a clean one. The feel of blood was almost a comfort in this moment. It was hot and familiar, and chased away some of that cold foreboding emotion that was swirling around inside of me. Its heat chased away some of the dread, and it coated me. It took me back to the calmness I needed for surgery.

Blood rolled down my forearms, coated my skin, and dripped onto my thighs, and took with it any roiling emotion I had.

As the blood loss began to affect him, Kagewaki began to convulse. I just gripped him tighter, keeping him as still as I could against me as his body fought for the life his mind had already accepted was forfeit.

For all the want I had for him to forgive me, I didn't speak the apology out loud. Not as he gripped tight at my body, trying to hold onto the one familiar thing in the moment, even if it was the thing that was ending his life. Not as he stilled against me, drawing in ragged, wet breaths. Not has his breathing quieted and his heartbeat stuttered to an end.

No amount of I'm sorry would earn forgiveness for this.

I felt cold, calm, even as his still warm blood bathed me, coated my skin in that strangely familiar comfort.

I licked my lips, tasted blood, squeezed the body slumped against me, all the while a low chuckle rumbled behind me.

My body looked foreign to me.

If I took stock of everything I knew about my body, it would all be there. Two arms, two legs, ten fingers, ten toes, eyes, ears, mouth and nose. It was all there, just as I had left it. My tattoos were just the same, curling around the curves of my body, and brightly coloured against pale skin. My eyes were still grey, my hair still brown.

Nothing had changed.

Physically.

I felt like a whole new stranger to myself, though, as I stared into the reflection of the highly polished mirror in front of me. It cast a bronze tint on my body, but no amount of discoloration would hide the red staining my skin. It coated my body, made the orange fish on my sides so much brighter, so much prettier to look at in the mirror.

My red-splattered hands stroked over my skin, feeling the cooling red liquid on my skin. Some had already dried, and flaked off my fish tattoos like little scales. I was drawn to the sight, and to the feeling.

It was beautiful in a haunting way, especially as my fingers left streaks over my stomach, dragging lines in the red that coated my skin.

I tilted my head, tracing a design slowly into the red.

血

The door to the bathing area slid open behind me, and in slipped Naraku, nude as me and also painted with blood. I watched him in the mirror as he approached, and leaned back against him as he pressed to my back, warm hands on my shoulders. His red eyes flickered over the art I had made on my own belly, though there was no hint of recognition in his gaze.

He couldn't read, I remembered vaguely, watching his expression. His eyes soon drifted away from my writing, and upwards to my blood-soaked breasts.

That was a more riveting sight for him.

"What do I call you?" I questioned him. My voice was barely above a whisper. It sounded distant and calm even to my own ears.

He mused with a quiet hum, taking the time to decide. "Husband, lover, owner." His hands slid down my arms, painting my skin with streaks of his own and gripped my hips, dragging me back against him. "I have you to myself."

"Naraku or Kagewaki?" I prompted.

He had uttered something about consuming the body after ordering me to the baths. More than once we had talked about how Naraku had come to be. He was made up of many creatures. If he had consumed Kagewaki, did that mean that Kagewaki was part of him now?

"Would you feel better knowing that Kagewaki was still alive within me, after you slit his throat?" he whispered, nuzzling against my ear.

"No." Would that make me feel better? Absolutely not. I thought it would probably make me feel worse, knowing that part of him was still alive to witness me live after killing him.

He chuckled deeply. "Callous woman. He is not alive within me," he explained quietly, tracing patterns over my fish. "You killed him before I consumed him. I have memories, but no spark of his life."

I didn't know whether that was better or worse.

"You are soaked in blood."

"You're not much better," I countered, drawing away from him, and striding towards the still baths. He let me slip from his fingers, and I could feel his eyes on me as I stepped into the water. It water was cool. No one had prepped it as they usually would. But that was no surprise. It was late, and neither Naraku nor I had sent to have them prepped, for obvious reasons.

All things considered, a cool bath was nothing to be concerned about.

"Come, my Lord Husband. Bathe with me."

I looked back at him over my shoulder, smiling as he joined me, reaching up to free my hair from the bun it was locked into. The glowing pin clattered to the ground and fingers weaved into my hair.

I had it all now. The Lord Husband, the freedom from people wanting to kill me, and the man I knew could satisfy me.

I had it all.

Why did it feel so wrong?

Info Time!

Kaiken - the kaiken is a small dagger, often carried by samurai and their wives. It was used for self-defense when the larger blades a samurai would carry were inconvenient. Once married to a samurai, a wife would carry a kaiken everywhere. If the samurai died, the woman would then use that kaiken to perform ritual suicide by slicing their own throat, which is why Nori had the reaction she did when it first appeared. Nowadays they're worn as a decorative accessory in traditional dress, tucked into the sash of the kimono. I actually ummed and awwed about whether Nori would get a kaiken at her wedding. While Kagewaki is certainly not a samurai, his father had started out as one, so the Hitomi, now noble, used to be a samurai family. Ultimately I chose for her to not carry one around, because Kagewaki was no samurai, and the lack of weapon would show she wasn't as simple as a samurai wife.

Left side of the neck - When a samurai performed ritual suicide or had dishonoured himself, then his wife must also perform ritual suicide. She would tie her legs together, and slice the left side of her own neck. I felt this was a good parallel to make. Nori is clearly not a samurai, but she had absolutely dishonoured herself in this situation, and Kagewaki dying in the same way a dishonoured samurai wife would seemed pretty fitting.

Brass mirror - while we all assume mirrors are made of glass with a polished metal backing, which used to be silver (which is where the vampire myth comes from by the way) but is now more commonly aluminium, that just wasn't the case in 1500's Japan. Japan didn't start seeing glass mirrors until the 1600s, almost 100 years after this story. The mirrors in this time period would be highly polished brass.

血 - This is the kanji for blood. A very simple kanji in the grand scheme of things, but I like the simplicity of it. Its pretty in its own right.

Review Corner

Raye3445 - I'm sorry I didn't get to your review in my last chapter. I didn't get a notification for it and I feel so rude! Thank you for your review, and welcome to the Milkshake bar! I'm glad you like all the twists so far. Ive loved writing them and figuring out what's going to happen. Hopefully this chapter lived up to those twists. It was quite an interesting one to write, that's for sure

EnjoytheSilence03 - I'm glad you liked it enough to binge it! And I hope this chapter lived up to what I've written so far. I know its a lot darker than anything Ive written before now

RileyBlue00 - Absolutely no need to apologise! You've read it twice? That amazes me. I love that you're enjoying reading what I write so much! Nori is a very interesting character to write. It seems so common for writers to make a good character pair with a bad character and make that bad character good. I wanted to try and change that narrative, and I think so far I've succeeded. Especially in this chapter. I outdid myself. Naraku is a very difficult character to get right. He's charming and charismatic, and so very evil, but hes also pretty cowardly and doesn't do his own work ever. It's hard to get that balance between sadism and cowardliness without making him seem too one or the other. Lots of stress and anxiety in the last chapter, and honestly there's plenty in this one too. Nori is a person that thinks she has much stronger morals than she has, and I think maybe shes just realising that herself this chapter.

This chapter was so hard to write. Trying to get the right balance of emotion and disconnect was tough. I think in the end I managed it decently.

But at what cost? I genuinely wasn't sure how this scene would go down. From the start, I had planned for Naraku to win, because it was supposed to just be a Naraku fic, but Kagewaki developed a life and love of his own, and it was strong. So when Naraku came to collect, it was a difficult decision for Nori and one I really wasn't sure which way it would lean. It did lean the way I expected it to, but it wasn't an easy decision at all.

And we're just not gonna talk about how despicable Naraku is in this chapter. I still love him, but this chapter was not the easiest chapter to love him in. It also wasn't a very easy chapter to love Nori in. This is a real turning point for her.