Her soft beautiful skin.
Her hair, whether in braids, in twists, or natural and down.
Her dark, stunning eyes.
Her sharp jawline, and her cute nose. Her perfect lips.
Her beautiful voice, and her contagious smile, and laugh.
Her.
His thoughts were all of her right now. Alone in the shower. Letting the hot water wash away his long day—letting the steam fill the bathroom.
His palm was flat against the shower wall, and he was putting all his weight against it. Looking down, and letting the water run over his hair. His eyes were closed, as everything took over.
He wished he had a drink in his other hand right now, actually. That would probably make things even better. He had certainly increased his consumption lately.
But his other hand...
His other hand was busy, starting to slide down his wet skin. Down to an area that hadn't been touched in a while.
And certainly not like how she'd touched him, herself.
He'd never forget that night in the basement, no matter how shitty that weekend had turned out to be.
That night was something else. He had imagined a hundred times over what it would feel like for her to touch him, and that night had blown all of his imaginations clear out of the water. Imitating her hand wouldn't be possible.
But right now he needed it. He really did.
He was so hard; thinking about her usually did that to him.
He slowly began to stroke himself, letting out an unsteady breath. At least the sound of the shower could mask his own sound.
He wished it was Olivia's hand. He wished a lot of things.
He wished that he could kiss her again. That he could touch her again. He wished he had it all back, and more.
He wanted to feel her hand on him. Her mouth on him. He wanted to feel how it felt to be inside of her.
He just wanted it all with her.
It felt like he was throbbing in his hand right now. His hand ran smoothly up and down, as he allowed everything to consume him.
His moan could barely be heard over the sound of the water splashing down, but he was definitely not able to keep himself entirely quiet. His wrist went faster, and he grew closer, which meant he had more to keep in.
His eyes were closed now, and he was leaning forward against the corner of the shower. Bracing himself against the tiled shower wall, but never ceasing the movement of his wrist, or his fingers.
So there he was, the only place he would ever allow himself to do what he was doing. Alone, in the shower. Closed off. Away from anyone else who may see. Just completely, utterly isolated, with nothing but his thoughts.
Olivia was all he thought about.
She was all he thought about for the most part in general, when his mind wasn't needing to be preoccupied with other things. But she was also what he was thinking about while he beat off in the shower.
When he moaned her name, and her name only, as he pushed himself over the edge.
When his cum ran down his hand and then his leg, as the hot water washed all remnants of it away.
After that, he leaned against the shower wall, panting, and trying to catch his breath. He allowed the shallow breaths to build gradually, as the hot air consumed him. But eventually, he needed to escape the hot steam and that place where he let that happen.
He wondered if he had only grown increasingly worse as a person as time had gone on. This had all began with a crush, if it could even be called that. Then it had escalated further to a full-on affair.
And now he was in completely in love with her, getting off to the thought of her in the shower.
All while his family didn't know a single thing about it.
Things were shifting though, in his head. He certainly didn't think he was the greatest man, not anymore. But he also knew he had dealt with what he'd dealt with for a long time. Not that it excused anything he'd done, it certainly did not. But his best friend did have a point when she'd said that lots of people in his and Mellie's situation would have gone looking elsewhere a long time ago.
The thing was—he hadn't gone looking elsewhere. Ever. He had thought he would be comfortable, living the life he had. Not exactly happy for himself, but he knew it well. There was a plan. Karen had everything he and Mellie never really had. And everything she could ever want.
He thought he could do that forever, and had never even thought of looking for something else.
Instead, that something else had made its own way into his life, with the help of Mellie, actually. Olivia.
He was so far gone, he wasn't sure how he'd ever reel himself back in—if that was even possible. It was the first time he'd ever fallen, and he'd fallen hard.
And having her gone was making him realize a lot of things. She, in general, was making him realize a lot of things.
So the thought of leaving for Olivia, hoping she'd want to be with him, and doing it all solely for his own happiness for once—even that started to make his heart leap, simply because he'd never experienced this feeling. He'd never experienced that happiness before. Of course, he would never do something like that solely for himself. Karen had to come before anything else.
But the thing was, having Olivia gone coupled with the knowledge that she was leaving soon for good, had Karen in a much sadder mood.
Fitz knew how much she loved Olivia, and he could already see now how much she would miss her. How happy she was while Olivia was in her life.
This week, in general, Karen had been completely off. Ever since the night that they had talked before bed about him and Mellie.
He talked to her every night to see how she was feeling and she never brought anything else up. But he knew what was on her mind. He'd felt it ever since that night. Things hadn't been the same, and he felt like he had to tiptoe around her even more with Mellie.
He wondered long that could go on. How long he could continue to lie and pretend to her face, when he knew she wouldn't buy it forever. She was only ten years old and he wasn't sure she was even fully buying it now. Who knew how long she had questioned them for. It could have been happening inside her little head for years, and he wouldn't have known it. And that made his heart hurt.
That was the main reason he knew now. It was the main reason he knew what was going to need to happen, and preferably sooner rather than later. She was the reason this would all need to end, because what he and Mellie thought had been to help her, wasn't helping her.
And the other reason—was Olivia.
There was a reason he'd gotten involved with her in the first place. Abby was right, he wouldn't have done it otherwise. What they had was real.
There was something there, and it was so strong. So strong that the only two things that existed in his mind anymore were Karen and her.
She had become his realization. A realization that it was supposed to feel this way. He should be with someone who did this to him.
The day he saw Olivia with his mother, acting like a much more normal mother and daughter in law duo than he was used to—he'd been crazy anxious about it because he was right. That was what it looked like. That's what it looked like when the woman he loved and his mother were together.
She was what this was supposed to be.
And in the week she'd been gone, things had only been made more clear. It hit him like a truck—her being gone every day. His life returning to how it had been before she had come here.
If he was barely getting through a week, he wondered how it would be when she was truly gone.
He didn't want her to ever be gone, not from his life. There was no way.
And it wasn't just him. It was Karen too.
She missed Olivia so much, she talked about it every night before bed with him.
It made him wonder.
It made him wonder if she would take knowing the truth about him and Olivia worse, or better, because of the close relationship those two had.
He had to admit, he wasn't exactly sure how a ten-year-old, albeit far beyond her years, would take and understand everything. If it would be good, bad, or ugly.
All he knew was that he was thinking about it. He was thinking about it a lot. About what he wanted now.
Knowing what he wanted was half the battle, as Abby had told him.
He had no idea how exactly to get everything he wanted, or if that would be possible. He didn't know how long things would take. He didn't know if things would work out even remotely how he had begun to envision them, or at all.
But in his heart, he knew. He had an answer to that question Abby had asked him weeks ago.
What he believed now, would be best for all parties. What needed to happen.
And it wasn't staying in this marriage in this house for the rest of his life. After everything that had happened, after recent events, after all of it—he knew it wasn't going to work. How could it, really, at this point.
He didn't have everything figured out, that was for sure. But he did have that much figured out.
It had probably taken him far too long to switch his mindset, in the grand scheme of things. Ten years.
But because he'd done this for ten years, he also knew this wasn't going to be something that he could just make a decision on, and boom—he was moving out, papers were being signed. This would be a battle, and depending on how things went, it could be a long one.
He'd been making some progress though, along with his deep thoughts every night that kept him up until the early hours of the morning sometimes. He hadn't slept with Mellie in over a week—not since before their discussion in the closet.
He'd had another talk with her, but frankly, it was hard to speak to her when she refused to listen, or when Karen was just down the hall. Mellie certainly wouldn't cooperate enough to go elsewhere in the house to talk about something she didn't want to talk about in the first place. She made things difficult. She was difficult. He just needed some time to get through to her.
And also, figure out what was best for Karen. The Holiday season was coming up, so he definitely wasn't planning on blowing that up for her. He would need more time than that anyway, but he was sure as hell going to be thinking about things through then.
Thinking was all he was doing these days, and it kind of drove him nuts. Especially when he only had about two people he could talk to about it; Abby and David. He hated to bother them with this shit anyway, he felt annoying and like he probably needed a therapist more than anything. But Abby knew he'd been thinking through some things, and she definitely liked to check up on him with this predicament, anyway.
It's exactly what she did, actually, as soon as he was out of the shower and sitting in the basement at the bar.
Anywhere to be far away from Mellie, yes please.
"Have you told her yet?" Abby asked.
Fitz sighed, taking a sip of his whiskey.
"No."
"When the hell are you going to let that Goddess know?" Abby asked.
"I don't know, Abbs. This is...probably just not the best time. I don't even...I don't know how things are going to shake out and she's...going home again soon, and...I don't know. I can barely tell her that she looks nice let alone that I love her. We have...rules."
"You overthink things, I think," Abby said.
"Oh there's no 'I think' about it, I definitely do," Fitz nodded. "It's one of the things I do best. Especially when it comes to...her."
"Why do women make you so damn nervous? You got the looks, you got the smarts, you got that...shy, quiet, cute thing going on, and hey, from what I remember—you're a good kisser. Put it to good use already would you? I'm getting impatient!"
"Oh," he chuckled, shaking his head. "You're getting impatient, I see. How do you think I feel?"
"That's my point! You spend your whole damn professional life implementing risk prevention plans. Well, you know what I think you should do? I think you should take a risk," Abby said.
"You make it sound so easy," he said, downing the rest of his whiskey.
Yeah, he definitely needed more. He was already buzzed and on his way to drunk.
Abby replied to him, as he got up to go pour himself some more.
"No, I'm not trying to say it's easy," Abby said. "I'm also...a little bit tipsy right now, so you know, there's that. Sorry. But...I meant every blunt word. I probably could have done a little better with the delivery of those words but, oh well. I spared you the unnecessary, flowery bullshit."
"Yes, I recall," he laughed. "And you know, women don't make me that nervous."
"She does."
He nodded as he finished pouring his glass of whiskey. "Well...yeah."
"Okay—tell me what you want. Tell it allll to me," Abby said. "I've got the best listening ears, especially when I'm drunk."
He walked around his bar, sitting down in a stool closest to the wall. He leaned his head back against the wall, adjusting his phone to his other ear.
"I want Karen to be happy. I want...I want her to be so happy," he said. "That's above everything else. She just...she doesn't deserve any of this. She deserves the best. Only the best. I just want her to be happy, Abbs."
"Of course," Abby nodded. "And everyone in the world knows it. You're a great dad."
He sighed. "Sometimes I don't know. I try. But with everything...I've done. And maybe even this whole marriage, to begin with. Maybe I've never been the best dad. Maybe what...I've done—what Mellie and I've done. Maybe she's going to end up hating us both for it, even though we've done it for her. I don't know. I try so hard. She's...my everything. I just want to do what's best for her. I thought what we've been doing was best for her—if it could work. We thought it could work. Obviously, there have been some hiccups now. So...I'm questioning that, and...I know now. I know now what's...going to end up being best. Things have changed and...even if they hadn't changed, there has always been a better option for everyone. I just didn't see it. I didn't...want to, I didn't know how. I should have...seen it."
Abby sighed, and he could almost feel her smile, or nod over the phone.
"Dude. I stand by it, and so does the rest of the world. You're a great dad. Always have been, always will be. All you ever do is prove that. Don't ever think that you're not. Your heart is so good. It's always in the right place, no matter what. And I think...a product of that is forgetting about yourself sometimes. Or...all the time," she laughed. "You worry about others, and put them before you. Which is honorable, and so admirable. Not everyone has that quality, and you shouldn't ever lose it. But you have to think of yourself too, Fitz. You have a life, too. I know you know that. But I just would really love to see you happy. Truly happy."
He smiled slightly, still leaning his head against the wall. Thinking. "I want to be happy, Abby. I've been thinking about it more and more, I do want to be."
"So what else then? Aside from for Karen, I know. She comes first. But what else do you want, for you?" Abby asked.
He closed his eyes, exhaling as he thought of the amazing person that was the answer to that question. The answer that had taken him too long to have, probably.
"I want her," he said quietly. "I just want her."
Abby sighed happily. "Ahhhh. Yes. This is what I thoroughly enjoy hearing."
He smiled, taking a sip of his drink.
"Are you...sad she's leaving?" Abby asked.
"Yeah," he nodded. "I shouldn't be, because I know it's the right thing to do. it's just...hard. You know?"
"I bet," Abby replied. "She impresses me though, Fitz. Do you know how hard it probably was for her to make that decision? There was so much she had to take into account, I'm sure. In a way, it's pretty easy to stay somewhere you're familiar with and comfortable with, especially when you have a reason to stay. But...you're right, there are a lot of reasons it's not right for her to stay, and I'm sure that made it very conflicting for her. Either way, she knew it would be hard. But...I think she made a very mature decision. One that I'm not confident a lot of people her age would make."
"I know," he nodded. "She's...amazing. I never told her enough. I never...tell her enough. I don't have much more time to tell her these things, I suppose. I don't know."
Abby sighed. "That's hard. I can't even imagine how hard that has to be on both of you. But...I think it's all the more reason to tell her how you feel before she's off...living her life. You don't know what your future's going to hold. But...you don't know what hers is going to hold either, Fitz. She's young, and she's got a lot of plans. She has a life she's going to live, too, just like you do. And if she's not interested in it, then she's not, and you can't change that. But if she's what you want, you need to at least give her that chance to see how you may fit into her life. Otherwise you could lose her for good."
That made him think. Really think. Because he didn't know how Olivia felt. They had rules, like he told Abby. They didn't talk about things like that, because it was best not to.
"I just...I mean, what am I supposed to tell her? 'Hey, by the way, I love you—I see a future with you, except...give me a minute while I try and divorce my wife? Also, just a heads up, she's stubborn and hates being wrong so it may take a while, who knows!' I don't...I just don't know."
"No, you don't know. You don't know how that's all going to go. Not everything can be meticulously written out and planned, even though we both know that would be wonderful. But what you do know is that you have feelings for her, and that you want her. I think this is one of those things you shouldn't overthink. Tell her the truth. Do what...your heart tells you to do. Do what you want to do. And remember that she's in this too. Remember how she's feeling. So if it helps you—don't think of it as a decision solely for you. This is for her too."
He bit his lip, and then downed the rest of his whiskey again.
"You're very insightful."
"Yes. I am," Abby replied happily. "I'm also drunk, please remember that. So...my romantic side is just really coming out right now."
"I'm drunk too," he said. "I appreciate you getting phone drunk with me. And for talking with me. Sorry I'm such a damn...clusterfuck all the time."
"You are not!" she exclaimed. "You're wonderful, and I love you. We love you. Oh, David just walked in. David, baby, come here and tell Fitz you love him. You know. Your bromance stuff. He needs it, we're talking about Olivia."
Fitz was laughing now, smiling as he heard David's voice enter the conversation.
"Hey man!" David greeted.
"Hey buddy," Fitz chuckled.
"I am here to tell you that I do, indeed, have love for you," David said.
"I have love for you as well," Fitz nodded seriously.
"And I do not say this lightly to any man who has made out with my wife," David informed him. "This is serious shit."
Now Fitz was cracking up. He needed a good laugh, and David always knew how to get a good one out of him.
"I very much appreciate this serious shit," Fitz said. "Apologies, also, for making out with your wife."
Abby was laughing in the background.
"Yeah, I know, no worries. I'm somehow lucky enough to call her mine now, so you better go get yours. Do you hear me?" David asked.
"I do hear you, yes," Fitz replied.
"Good. Because I'd like to meet her. Abigail says she's a Goddess," David said.
"Yes," Fitz agreed.
"It's what you deserve, my brother. You deserve to be happy. You're one of the best," David said. "I mean it."
"Thanks, man," Fitz nodded. "Appreciate it."
"Of course," David said.
"Aww, good job, baby. See. We got you, Fitz," Abby said.
"Thank you both," Fitz nodded with a smile. "I'll uh...I'll let you guys be so you can enjoy your Saturday night. Thanks for talking. Seriously, it means a lot."
"Oh no problem!" Abby exclaimed. "Text me this week, okay? Keep us updated on this...'clusterfuck'?"
"Yes, do that," David added.
"Will do," Fitz nodded with a laugh. "Have a great night you two."
"You too, Fitz. Bye bud," David said.
"Bye!" Abby exclaimed.
"Bye."
His smile began to fade as he put his phone down, returning to his quiet basement. Alone.
The distraction and laughs had been fun. Necessary. But he couldn't help but return to his more somber mood. Thinking through everything once again. And now, with even more on his mind.
Maybe he should abandon the somber mood and return to his horny mood. That was way more fun.
But instead, he found himself walking upstairs, drink in hand, definitely drunk.
The main level was empty, so he knew where Mellie would be.
He also knew the alcohol was getting to him, because he didn't even think it through before he entered their bedroom.
Instead, he just opened the door and shut it again, watching her reaction as he looked at her.
She gave him a dirty look, and glanced over the whiskey glass in his hand.
"Are you drunk?"
"Yep," he nodded.
She glared. "You are not finally going to come sleep in our bed again completely blasted."
He chuckled, shaking his head at her as he sat down against the wall opposite their bed.
"Oh, absolutely not, no."
She gave him a huff, and returned to her magazine.
"How long are you going to carry on with your little protest, anyway? How long are you going to risk Karen seeing you sleeping elsewhere?"
"Honestly Mell—that's the least of my worries right now."
She put her magazine down.
"How can you say that? How on earth can that not worry you? You know how she is. She's...gentle, and she worries about things—she's just like you. So how can something like that not worry you?"
"That's...kind of my point, Mell," he said calmly, taking another drink. "You really think she hasn't been worrying at least...a little bit this entire week? And even if she hasn't been—you really think she's not going to worry...in the future? She's ten fucking years old, and she's already smart enough—to know things we didn't think she knew. She's only going to get smarter. Are you aware of that?"
"We've already had this conversation," she sighed, turning back to her magazine.
"Sort of," he said. "I just wonder how many times...it's going to take in order for us to be on the same page."
"We are on the same page," Mellie said, as if it were obvious. "We do what's best for our child."
"Yes," he nodded. "So—is this what's best?"
"My God," she said, rolling her eyes. "This is the alcohol talking."
"Oh, it is?" he questioned, looking at his glass of whiskey. "Hmm. I'm interested in how you just...made that decision for me right there."
"I'm interested in how you've turned into a complete asshole lately. What's up with you? I think I actually liked it better when you talked less," she shot back. "Jesus, we have problems, but they never involved you being like this."
"No—just you being like this," he nodded. "I hold my tongue because it isn't worth it with you, and I don't care...what you have to say to me, or about me. I avoid—fighting with you, because it's the adult thing to do."
"Okay, Fitz," she laughed sarcastically.
He sighed and nodded. "Yep, see, this is usually my cue that this conversation is over now. They usually...end in yelling or sarcasm, so considering our daughter's sleeping down the hall—I'll leave before it progresses to yelling."
She rolled her eyes and shook her head at him.
"Whatever."
So he left again without another word.
Each conversation they had that was even remotely like that one, was progress. Slow, maybe. But still progress, considering they'd never had conversations like that in practically ten years. She wasn't having any of it, so he was going to need some time to get there.
He wasn't going to drop any bombs right now, it just didn't feel like the best time to do it. But he knew he was going to tell Mellie the truth at some point. The closest to the truth that he could—about his feelings for someone else.
He knew she'd be blindsided by it, but also wasn't quite sure how she would react. Perhaps he could keep Olivia out of it initially, he didn't know that yet. If and when he told Mellie, he would definitely need to discuss that with Olivia as well—another thing that was just very poorly timed currently.
He was doing his best here, not to blow up anyone's finals time and holiday season, but man, he was starting to really want to get out of this house.
That wasn't an option right now though, so he went back into the basement instead, to sit in his office. The office he preferred over his main-level one.
And his thoughts turned to her.
The young woman who was currently on a break in North Dakota.
Swish.
That's all Olivia heard as she stood there behind the three-point line at her local community center gym.
It had been her place to escape to after work every night this past week. A place she could go when she wasn't with Shawn or her mom. A place where she could just think by herself.
And shoot around for a bit in the gym. It was nice to get back on the court.
Those basketball shorts. The cut-off tank top she had on. The Nike socks and high top basketball shoes on her feet. The feeling of the ball rolling perfectly off of her fingertips. She'd missed all of that.
And man, she still had it. Once a shooting guard, always a shooting guard.
The ball bounced its way back, and she met it in the middle, picking it up and going in for a reverse layup like it was nothing.
She was sweating after about an hour of shooting and running around. And on top of that, a long shift at work.
She'd been working as often as possible while she'd been home. Her mom could always use the help, and she'd kind of missed the atmosphere and the people that came into the restaurant. Plus, that large paycheck would be nice.
Unfortunately, though, her time was running low on open gym hours. It was getting late, and she knew her mom would be around to pick her up soon after she closed up at the restaurant.
So she decided to call it quits for the night. Her last night at home. She did however, always have to make her last shot before leaving the court. Always a rule—can't leave off on a missed shot.
After nailing a couple more threes, she headed toward the bench where her stuff was to change out of her shoes, and put on some sweats and a jacket over her gym attire.
When her mom came to pick her up shortly after, she realized she was sad to be leaving the little routine that she'd developed, even just in the past week.
But she missed New York desperately, too. She missed little K, and she missed her friends at school. And she missed him.
Probably more than she should ever admit to him.
Thankfully, she'd get to go back. But before that, she had one more night with her mom and her best friend, who was spending the night.
"Is Shawna still coming over, baby?" Marie asked.
"Mhm," Olivia nodded.
"You sad to be leaving her again?"
"Of course," Olivia replied. "I always am. But we talk a lot when I'm gone anyway over FaceTime, so that's good at least. I'll miss you too ma!"
"Damn right you will," Marie replied, eyeing her daughter.
Olivia laughed, smiling back at her.
"I'm gonna miss you too, Livvie. It's been so good to have you home."
"It's been so good to be home!" Olivia said.
"Are you excited for your last weeks with the Grants?" her mom asked.
"Yeah," Olivia nodded. "It's been...really great with them. I'm definitely going to get them a thank you...slash Christmas gift before I leave."
"I think that's a wonderful idea. So thoughtful, baby," Marie nodded.
Olivia gave her mom a smile on the outside, but on the inside, she was feeling little more sad than "excited."
Excited to see people she missed in New York, yes. But otherwise, it felt like an end of an era.
No more commutes with him. No more listening to Karen's piano every night. No more of his amazing food every day. No more of his music. No more snuggles from the best little beagle named Hank. No more of any of it.
No matter what, that would be tough.
She couldn't show that in front of her mom, though. She had to hide it all, something she'd been forced to become extremely good at.
Fortunately for her, she didn't have to hide it in front of her best friend. Not anymore.
She could be completely open and true with Shawn, which she was especially thankful for that night—the night before she was leaving to go back. Naturally, it was taking over her mind, even though she and Shawn were currently trying to watch Scary Movie 1.
"Liv," Shawn said, snapping her fingers.
Olivia looked over at her, realizing now that she may not have heard her the first time.
"Huh?"
"Girl, don't let me be eating all your mama's popcorn by myself!" Shawn exclaimed, moving the bowl over to her.
"Sorry," Olivia laughed, reaching for some. "My mom does make some damn good popcorn, doesn't she."
"Hell yes, she does. Mmmhm," Shawn nodded. "Even after a long day at work, she's always ready to make you some of her stove-popped popcorn."
"I know. She's an angel," Olivia smiled.
"She is. Mama Pope. The only person alive aside from my own mama allowed to call me Shawna. You know, that's a big deal."
"Oh, I know it is, Shawna," Olivia nodded casually, putting a piece of popcorn in her mouth.
Shawn got quiet, studying Olivia. "That's it, now I really am keepin' all your mama's popcorn for myself."
She pulled the bowl away from Olivia and they both laughed as Olivia reached instantly for the bowl.
"Ah! No, okay. I'm sorry. My dearest Shawn, please forgive me for adding the most...awful 'a' to the end of your name."
"The most hideous," Shawn emphasized, pointing at her as she settled down next to Olivia again. "Alright, fine. I got a big heart I suppose. Yes I do."
"You're the best," Olivia said, giving her a brief side hug as they laid on Olivia's bed.
"I know," Shawn nodded. "You're the best too, though."
"I know," Olivia nodded with a smile.
Shawn rolled her eyes and laughed. "I'ma miss you here Liv."
"I'll miss you too. My girl!" Olivia said.
"My girl. Look—Mr. shy man may want to call you his girl but you always gonna be mine first!"
Olivia sighed, shaking her head. "Mr. shy man can't really...call me his girl anyway. He's got one already."
"Who? That lady who don't even pay no attention to him? Nah, she's just his baby mama, that's all."
"Shawn," Olivia laughed, laying her head on her pillow.
"What? I spoke the truth," Shawn said. "I always speak the truth when it comes to Mr. shy man. You know it!"
"That is true. The first day you saw a picture of him you were...quite truthful."
"Ohhh yes, Jesus. Pull that pic out again, please."
"No," Olivia laughed.
Shawn raised her eyebrows. "Oh girl, don't even be acting like you don't want to see it again. You do. I got it on my own phone in our messages anyway, let me pull it up."
Olivia could feel the warmth in her cheeks as she eyed her best friend. "Can your sassy self chill for a minute?"
"Nah," Shawn shook her head, scrolling through her phone. "Just a minute, I've gotta get past all these stupid ass memes we send each other. Oh! Here it is. Such a beauty."
Naturally, Olivia leaned over and looked at the photo, because how could she not.
Oh God, he was sexy.
"Ah yes. My eyes are cleansed. Don't tell Marcus."
"I won't," Olivia laughed.
"Good. But you know, I wish she wasn't in it," Shawn said, pointing to Mellie. "I think you and him should have one together, or you, him and little K. That's what I wanna see, mhm."
"Well, I don't have one of us three, but I've got another one of just him and me."
Shawn gasped. "What? And you've never shown me?! Let me see!"
Olivia pulled out her phone and scrolled up through her photos to find the selfie they took on the 86th floor of the Empire State Building. She loved that picture, and had to admit, she looked at it a lot. It was the only thing she had left. She forced herself to delete all their messages, but couldn't bring herself to get rid of that picture. Their date in the city. It was too special to her, just like her necklace—the one she wore every day.
Shawn had loved that too.
Olivia turned her phone so Shawn could see it too, and Shawn put her hand up to her chest.
"Oh, Jesus. Y'all are so beautiful together Liv, this ain't fair."
Olivia sighed, looking over Fitz's smiling face. "Not really, no."
"Do you miss him?"
Olivia studied the photo and nodded silently.
Shawn sighed, leaning her head on Olivia's shoulder. "I'ma tell you again, though. It's gonna work itself out. It's gonna be alright."
Olivia nodded again, looking over at her.
"Yeah. It's gonna be alright."
Olivia: Got my bag. Headed to pick-up.
Fitz: Okay. K and I are outside of door 10. Look for my car.
Olivia: Okay. Be there in a few.
Olivia's heart rate picked up as she grew closer to seeing her favorite New Yorkers again. She was happy Karen had come along to pick her up.
And it didn't take her long to spot them. Not only because a jag wasn't hard to miss, but because she saw the back door open, and out came a cute little girl, all dressed up in her winter attire.
Olivia gasped, bending down and opening her arms for Karen.
"Liv!" Karen exclaimed, running into her arms happily.
"Well hello there!" Olivia exclaimed, wrapping her arms around her and lifting her up slightly. "I missed you so much K!"
"Missed you too!" she said, patting Olivia's back.
Olivia's smile couldn't be contained. Oh, how she loved that sweet girl.
"How are you?" Olivia asked, setting her down.
"I'm good. Hank misses you lots too. How was your house?" she asked.
"You know, it was really good. But I missed it here so much. Was your Thanksgiving good?"
"Yes! Thanksgiving at grandma Jean's is always the best. Right, dad?"
Fitz came around the other side of the car, smiling at her.
"Right."
Olivia smiled at him, giving him a nod.
"Hi."
"Hi," he said back, giving her a wave.
She immediately waved back with a smile.
"Here," he said, offering to take her suitcase for her.
"Oh, thank you," she nodded.
He took it for her to load into his trunk, but they didn't waste any time when they all got back in the car before they started chatting.
The commute back to Rye was full of talk of their Thanksgiving Holiday and their breaks. It was nice.
Olivia could tell in the time she'd been back with them, she'd already been happier.
It was probably never going to be quite the same between her and Fitz, but it was nice to know things were increasingly getting more pleasant between them again. Especially in front of Karen, because she didn't want Karen to think anything was wrong.
Olivia even had a nice conversation with Mellie when she returned, which was much more brief, but very kind, nonetheless.
She did have some unpacking and homework to do that Sunday, but she made sure to come upstairs to finish her homework after she unpacked.
That way, she could be with Karen for a little while, and watch Fitz cook dinner that night, which was wonderful. Pork chops and this greek corn salad, which Olivia could have sworn was from heaven.
She'd had a pretty good week at home, eating wonderful restaurant meals and her mom's home-cooked food, but was still excited when she got to eat his food again.
The night began to wind down fairly quickly, quicker than she would have liked it to. But she found comfort in the fact that she had two more weeks in this house. She would still cherish those weeks, even though she knew she needed to go, and was excited to live in the city.
As she got settled in the basement again, she heard the basement door open from her bedroom. She was planning on heading to bed a little early, but as soon as she was done changing into some comfy clothes for bed, she opened her door to investigate first.
She could see him in his office in the basement, grabbing some things. His better office, in her opinion. Not that he needed two different offices in the first place, but there were a lot of things they didn't need in this mansion of a house.
As soon as she opened her bedroom door, he looked up at her from behind his desk.
"Oh hey."
"Hey."
He walked over to her, glancing over her as discreetly as he could. God, she was beautiful. Seeing her in front of him again, while it wouldn't be for much longer, was a sight for sore eyes.
"I just had to grab some of my things down here. I have a big week this week, so I think I need to work for a bit longer," he said with a sigh.
"Oh, I definitely can relate. Big weeks coming up for me, too."
"Yeah. December is usually one of those times," he agreed. "I'll get out of your hair though, I'm almost done, I think."
"Oh, Fitz, don't worry about it. It's your basement. Plus, I know you like your office down here better."
He shrugged, biting his lip as he looked around. It grew silent again as their eyes met. But he spoke up again before he could help it.
"You know, I uh...I guess I never got to properly greet you today," he said, reaching out his fist to her.
She smiled at him and laughed quietly, reaching out to bump his fist back.
"It's so good to see you here again," he said.
"You too," she smiled. "I...missed it here. Even after a just week, I really did."
He felt his heart do some weird jump in his chest. His body did weird things in her presence.
He was sure his cheeks were obnoxiously pink because they sure felt warm as soon as she said it.
And then it came out, without a second thought.
"We missed having you here. I missed it. I missed...you," he said quietly, looking at her. "I missed you."
She exhaled, looking down at the carpet. "I missed you too."
He studied her body language, wondering if he should say what he wanted to say. Or do what he wanted to do.
Oh God, he just had missed her so much. Maybe he could have stopped himself from doing what he did next, but he didn't want to stop himself.
He stepped closer and went in for it right away, moving his arms around her body. And to his surprise, she immediately wrapped her arms around his neck.
He feared she'd actually begin to think about the hug more carefully and pull away, so he held on to her tighter. He buried his head in her shoulder and smiled at her wonderful scent. That perfume. That lotion. Whatever it was—to this day, he wasn't even sure. She just smelled wonderful.
"Oh—I missed you," he whispered.
She breathed comfortably into his chest, tightening her arms around his neck. Wanting to tell him that she thought about him every day. That the break had been good for her, but certainly hadn't made her miss him any less.
He squeezed her tight, and rested his chin on the top of her head. She was so small compared to him, she was the perfect height for it.
He pressed a light kiss to the top of her head, knowing he was overstepping the hell out of their boundaries.
She rubbed his back and cleared her throat, before they finally stepped away from each other's embrace.
He could tell she was trying to hold strong, and stick to their "normal" relationship. They had probably broken at least one of their "rules" just now. But he'd missed her, and clearly, she had missed him too. One hug was okay.
"I'll...let you get back to work. I think I'm going to head to bed. Want to be rested for the next couple weeks, you know."
"Right, right," he nodded, putting his hands in the pockets of his joggers. "Your last weeks here."
"Yeah," she sighed.
He nodded back solemnly. "Alright. Well, um...I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yeah. See you tomorrow," she said, giving him a smile.
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Fitz."
As soon as she shut her door, he returned back to his office to grab some of his papers he'd come down to grab.
He did grab them, but then he thought about going upstairs and cringed because Mellie was currently upstairs in the sunroom.
He could just...stay down here closer to Olivia, and farther from Mellie...
So that's what he did.
He booted up his desktop and got some work done. Olivia was right, he did prefer that office. It was the office he always tended to work in before Olivia had come here. He just didn't use it as frequently so he could kind of give her her own domain in the basement. But she said she didn't mind, so he figured it didn't hurt anything.
He even poured himself a drink. The last night he'd let himself drink—only on the weekends, usually.
He got a lot done, which was good. Because after a while, he began to lose his focus. His thoughts kept turning to Olivia, who was finally back on the other end of the basement. Finally back in New York. Thank God.
So with his thoughts on her, it didn't take long for a particular book to catch his mind as he slowly scanned his bookshelf.
"Jane Eyre."
It immediately made him crack a smile.
And then he couldn't resist going to look through it. It was a classic, he remembered the book well.
And he remembered that it was one she still hadn't finished—which was a part of their deal. His books were all hers to read whenever she wanted, if she finished "Jane Eyre" at some point.
How she hadn't finished it, he didn't know. But ever since he'd told her about what his mother says; "when you stop short of something, you could miss something incredible."
When you stop short of something, you could miss something incredible.
He sighed, as he flipped through the pages. That sounded like something he was thinking about regarding Olivia right now.
Sounded along the lines of what his best friend had said about making himself happy.
He'd been happy even in the small frame of time that he'd been with Olivia. Despite his anxiety, which he experienced every day of his life, to begin with. Despite his guilt—he knew he had been happy.
It felt like he was back to the conflict he used to feel when he was involved with her.
He wanted to be happy. But he wanted Karen to be happy before anyone else.
He also wanted Olivia to be happy, though, and he hoped that could mean...with him?
But he didn't want to wait too long, because she had her own life too, and he didn't know how fast it would take her to move on. He just also didn't know how long this was all going to take. How long it would take for him to be successful in divorcing his wife of ten years.
A lot of buts, and a lot of uncertainties, that was for sure. Things felt so impossible right now. But there was one thing he did know in that moment.
He just felt like he couldn't tell her what it was—what he'd wanted to tell her for a long time. Like he'd told Abby, it was kind of their rule, they didn't say things aloud. But at the same time, it was something he wanted her to know. It was something he needed her to know before she was officially gone from Rye, living her life in the city.
So as he flipped through that book, seeing all of the notes he'd written here and there as part of a past English class, he stopped on the last page of the book. The page she obviously hadn't read yet.
And he got creative, and wrote it down.
It was a simple phrase, but it was powerful, and the truth. He was thinking about the fact that he didn't quite know what would happen, only that he knew what he wanted. He knew a lot more than he'd known back in August, that was for sure. He was thinking of something Abby said, about telling her how he felt. And another thing:
Take a risk.
He wasn't sure when she'd even read it. He wasn't sure she'd even read it soon—he knew finals were coming up, and she'd be busy. He just knew he wanted her to read it. It would definitely be the last book he would ever be able to slide under her door, because he wasn't sure she was even finished with "Bleak House" yet.
But this was "Jane Eyre." Even looking at the words he'd just written, with the pen shaking slightly in his hand—had him feeling anxious, as usual.
This was a decision only for him. This wasn't a decision for Karen. Maybe it would be in the long run—he couldn't know that. But right now, to write it out and give it to Olivia, was all for him.
It felt odd. But maybe Abby was right. Maybe this should have been a priority, too. Of course, it would come with consequences, he knew that. There was a lot he had yet to get through. But this felt like step one, at least for himself.
And it centered around the book "Jane Eyre."
He closed the book and wrote on a sticky note to place on top of the book.
As he made his way over to her bedroom, his heart pounded. But he actually grew...content.
It almost felt freeing, and she hadn't even read it yet.
Before he slid it underneath her door, he read over the note one more time. The note she'd read in the morning.
It read;
Liv,
I thought this would be a fitting book to give you for these last weeks that you're here. Don't worry if you don't finish it for a while. You can keep it.
Whatever you do, just make sure you read till the end this time. It's important.
-Smiley
More steps!
Things are progressing, things are being realized. I told y'all, just a bit more patience. It's coming.
So soon...
Fitz just has a pretty difficult situation on his hands. He's dealing with the fact that he can't leave on a whim—this has been a ten-year marriage and it's been for a reason, clearly. A reason very dear to his heart. But as you all have read, their reasoning has begun to show its flaws now.
And in addition, he's realizing now what he's been missing, and it's strong. That realization was important for him to have, especially the fact that he wants to be happy too. Trying to balance those things is now proving how conflicting things are for him, yet again. The road's got some bumps ahead.
Some may like where I take this story, some may not. There is no situation where everyone is going to be pleased, so please take that into consideration. If you don't like it, don't read it, and everyone will be happier overall!
Think before you review.
Thanks for the support many have shown me. It means the world to me, I can't even explain.
Stay tuned, stay safe, and read on.
~T