Saturday, April 15, 1978

A steady sheet of rain soaked the Hogwarts grounds and pattered against the windows as Remus sat on the floor in the library, a book propped in his lap. Dismal weather usually made him crave a blanket and a good book, but today he was having trouble concentrating. Every time he read a sentence, his mind returned to the disturbing headlines in today's Daily Prophet. Fenrir Greyback had attacked two more Muggle children, and it was still unclear whether they would survive. Remus sighed, rubbing his temples and leaning his head against the wall.

"I thought you were coming back to the common room?"

Remus looked up as Seven sat down beside him. She wore a preoccupied little frown as her fingers worried at the end of her braid.

"I was going to, but then it was so nice and quiet here, and I thought it might help clear my head." He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Why do you look so worried?"

Her dark eyes swept over him with that disconcerting perception, and she reached up to trace the faint scar that ran along his jaw. "Why do you look so worried?"

He smiled. "I'll answer if you will."

She nodded, her thumb running up and down the back of his hand. The light touch put him at ease.

"I told you before that I had a big row with my dad over the Easter holiday," he began, his chest tightening at the mere mention of the conversation. His fingers itched to dig at his cuticles, to pick at the skin until the restless feeling eased. He edged his free hand out of sight, but she leaned over him and grabbed his hand, setting it down on his lap with a pointed smile.

"Well, he told me something about my furry little problem that I wasn't expecting, and it fucked with my head a bit," he continued, his hand remaining in his lap under Seven's watchful eye. "I don't want to bother you with all of that because it's a lot, but I still don't know what to think about it all. And then I saw the paper today and that's bloody awful, and I have this job that I'm supposed to do when I leave school, and I don't know how I'm even remotely qualified to accomplish it. So it's just a bit… overwhelming."

He heaved a sigh and leaned his head against the wall again. In the wake of his silence, he could hear the rain pouring down outside. He thought of the two Muggle children, fighting for their lives in hospital, and felt sick.

"You can bother me with anything, you know," she said, taking his other hand. "I know you don't want to tell me, and you'd rather tell your friends, but you don't have to feel like you need to shelter me from something just because it's a lot." A sad smile tugged at her lips. "I'm tougher than I look. Just like you."

A wave of guilt and sadness washed over him, sapping his energy until his eyes grew heavy and his body sagged against the wall. "It's not that I don't want to tell you. I just…" He shook his head, groping for the words to explain the tangle of feelings in his head. "I don't want to drag you down with me. Just being able to tell you this much, and having you listen and hold my hand — that helps."

She nodded, but the hint of sadness did not leave her face. "I just want to help. I love you, even though you're a stubborn prat who tries to handle everything on your own." She kissed him, and for a moment he closed his eyes and the weight that had settled on his chest disappeared.

"I love you too," he said, taking a deep breath and trying to retain the lingering feeling of calm. "Now you tell me what's bothering you."

She released one of his hands and toyed with the end of her braid, running the fine dark hair through her fingers as she frowned. "I saw something that I wasn't meant to see," she said, staring down at her lap. "And I'm not sure what to do about it."

He raised his eyebrows. "What did you see?"

A wry smile lifted her lips. "I don't want to bother you with that."

He laughed, the sound shattering the hushed silence of the library. "Seven…"

"What?" Her eyes widened, and there was a note of defiance in her voice. "If you get to pull that, so do I."

He sighed and nodded. "Yeah, I suppose that's fair, although now you're the one who's stubborn."

"I've always been stubborn, otherwise I never would've ended up with you when you said you didn't deserve to be in a relationship." She glanced sideways at him to flash him a wide smile, but then her face fell as she returned to the matter at hand. "Anyway, I feel like I should tell someone what I saw, but I'm also not exactly sure if I saw what I thought I saw, so I don't want to cause a big thing if I'm just overreracting."

He frowned, overwhelmed by curiosity despite his efforts to shove it aside. What had she seen, and what havoc would she wreak if she told? What havoc would she wreak if she didn't tell?

"It's hard to give you advice when I don't have any idea what you're actually talking about," he said, reaching over to tweak the end of her braid. "You could just give me a hint, maybe?"

She shook her head, sending the braid tumbling behind her. "It's okay. Like you said, just talking helps. I think I already know what I need to do."

He kissed her cheek, listening as the rain picked up. Raindrops lashed against the window, increasing the feeling of cozy warmth as Remus sat tucked in his favorite corner of the library with Seven. For a moment he wished they could stay hunkered down there forever.

"Okay," she said, flashing him another smile before getting to her feet. "I'm going to go take care of that thing I was vaguely referring to, and then I'm going to come back with our Transfiguration books."

"Why Transfiguration?"

She shrugged. "When I'm focusing on Transfiguration, there's no room in my brain for anything else. Maybe that will help you forget about your furry little problem." She giggled and shook her head. "Did James come up with that phrase?"

Remus grinned back at her. "Of course he did."

"It has a very James Potter ring to it." The worried crease between her brows returned, but then she dispelled it and set her lips in a determined line. "Alright, I'll be back."

"Good luck," he said, waving and watching her retreating back until she disappeared behind a shelf of books. He picked up his paperback and flipped through until he found his page, hoping the novel would help keep his curiosity from consuming him as he wondered what in Merlin's name Seven could have seen to make her so edgy.

"Lily? Can I talk to you for a minute? I, er, need advice about something."

Seven stood in front of Lily's chair, shifting from foot to foot and fiddling with the end of her braid. Her eyes were fixed on the floor, and Lily's heartbeat picked up when she remembered hiding behind the staircase with Severus the previous night. Had Seven seen them? She glanced at James, sure he could read her frantic thoughts.

"Yeah, sure," she said, disentangling herself from James and rising from her chair. "What's up?"

Seven gave an evasive shrug. "Oh, it's just…"

"Is it a girl thing?" Mary asked. "Want me to come too?"

"No, you're busy," Sirius said, leaning his head back on her lap and placing her hand in his hair. "But if it's a sex question, here's my expert advice, Seven. When in doubt, use your mouth." He gave her a thumbs up, then winced as Mary yanked on his hair. "What? Is that not good advice?"

Lily shook her head in exasperation and followed Seven out of the common room and into the corridor. She grew more nervous as they walked in silence, coming to a stop in front of a large tapestry. Seven moved it aside to reveal the door to a snug little room filled with pillows and blankets, and Lily stepped inside, taking deep breaths to keep her panic at bay.

"This is the reading spot, then?" she asked, gazing around at the cozy space and feigning a casual tone. "Cute."

"It's safe to sit down," Seven said, gesturing at several pillows piled by the door. "That's the shagging-free spot. Remus has funny rules about that sort of thing."

Lily laughed and sat down, some of the tension in her body easing. "Of course he does."

A fond smile brightened Seven's face, but then it faltered and the worried crease formed between her eyebrows again. "I have to ask you something."

Lily sighed. "You saw me last night, didn't you? Down by the dungeons? With…"
Seven nodded, the end of her braid held tight between her fingers. "With Snape. I was going to say something, but when you hid I thought I'd better not."

"Nothing's going on," Lily said, her heart pounding. She had to convince Seven, had to make her understand that Lily wasn't that sort of person. She would never do that to James – of course she wouldn't, and especially not with Severus, not after the way he had treated her two years ago. "We're just friends. We've been, er, working together making potions for Slughorn, and we sort of got talking and, I dunno, I guess I missed being his friend."

The admission filled her with shame, because she should be able to forget all of their history. The fond memories didn't outweigh the hurt and betrayal and all the tears she had shed thinking about that stupid, snarky boy and his stupid smirky face.

Seven bit her lip. "I didn't think… Well, I knew you wouldn't do that to James. But you know he wouldn't like it, even if you are just friends."

Lily sighed and slouched down against the pile of pillows. "Yeah, I know. Why do you think I hid when I saw you coming? I want to tell him, I just haven't worked up the courage yet."

A tiny part of her that she didn't want to acknowledge wanted to keep the friendship a secret so she wouldn't have to end it. She knew that once it was all out in the open, once James had shouted himself hoarse and threatened to hex Snape into oblivion, once he and Lily had clung together and promised never to row again, the cozy little potion-brewing sessions would have to end. It made sense, and it really shouldn't bother her because she always enjoyed the quiet solitude of brewing a potion alone, yet she couldn't ignore the nagging twinge of regret. Severus had weaseled his way into her mind, with his sarcastic comments and sneering expression and those dark eyes that stripped away all her artifice and pretense to see the Lily she had always been.

"You should tell him soon," Seven said, fiddling with the thin elastic band wrapped around her braid. "Because if you don't, and he finds out on his own…" She shook her head and pressed her lips together. "It won't be pretty."

Lily rubbed her eyes and sighed again. "It's not going to be pretty either way."

Neither of them spoke as they walked along the deserted corridor back to the portrait hole. As they drew to a stop in front of the Fat Lady, Lily turned to Seven.

"Thanks, Seven," she said, touching her arm. "Thanks for not just telling James without talking to me."

"You're welcome. I consider James to be a close friend, and I know how happy you make him, so I would never want to mess that up." She smiled, a wry smile that made Lily want to laugh in spite of what she was about to do. "I just don't want to see you mess it up, either."

"That's fair." Lily took a deep breath and gave the password. "I'm going to tell him now, so you might want to clear out, in case things get a bit dicey."

Seven nodded. "I was planning on it. I'll be in the library with Remus, if either of you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to hold James back from punching Snape."

Lily laughed and forced back a wave of apprehension. "I'll keep that in mind," she said, then stepped through the portrait hole before she could change her mind.

"Can I talk to you up in the dormitory?" she asked, tapping James on the shoulder and gently plucking the textbook from his hand.

"Don't forget the advice I gave Seven," Sirius said, his eyes closed as Mary stroked his hair back from his forehead. "It's applicable in your situation as well, I'm sure."

"I'm hoping we're about to take Padfoot's advice," James said once they reached the dormitory. "But I'm guessing by your face that it's something less fun."

She sat down on his bed and patted the mattress beside her. James ran a hand through his hair then took a seat next to her, a worried frown forming on his face. "What's wrong?" When she didn't reply, his eyes widened in alarm, and he reached for her hand. "Bloody hell, Evans — you're not about to break up with me, are you?" His voice trembled and his eyes were bright; he looked like he might cry.

"No, of course not." She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close, holding him until his body relaxed. When she released him, she was calmer, and she reached up to adjust his glasses before taking a deep breath.

"I've been, er, talking to Severus a bit," she began. "But—"

"What?" He stared at her, mouth open and eyes wide. "What do you mean, you've been talking to him?"

"Well, at first we were just exchanging notes," she said, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze before he jerked it out of her grip. "He left a few snarky comments and some helpful suggestions on my potions notes that I left in the workroom. So, er, I wrote back."

"Why?" he demanded. "Why couldn't you just scribble out his notes, or throw the parchment away, or tell him to fuck off? Why would you even want to write back? I thought you hated him."

She twisted her hands in her lap and struggled to explain her conflicted feelings for Severus.

"I did. I still do, in some ways. But I also…" She took a deep breath and met James's eye, a pleading expression on her face. "I also miss him. He was my best friend for years, and that's hard to forget. We have a lot of history—"

"History?" He jumped to his feet and gaped at her. "Your so-called best friend called you something I won't even fucking say out loud. That's all the history that matters in my eyes."

"But there's also a lot about us that you don't know," she insisted, standing up and reaching for his hand. "There's a lot that's happened between us that you just wouldn't understand, that no one else understands."

"What wouldn't I understand?" He pulled his hand away again and gestured wildly. "'There's a lot that's happened between you,' 'you have a lot of history,' — Evans, you're making it sound like you were together!"

"Of course we weren't together!" The accusation in his voice irritated her, and she heard her voice rising, but she was powerless to stop it. "We've never been more than friends. It's not like that!"

"Bullshit," he spat. "He fancies you. He's always fancied you. And now the two of you are sneaking around, having cozy little meetings behind my back—"

"Only because I knew you'd react this way! If I thought you'd be okay with it, I would have just told you."

He ran a hand through his hair, fingers clutching at the strands so hard that Lily worried he would pull some out. "Of course I'm going to react this way! I don't trust him. I can't believe you do! After he treated you like shit and threw away your friendship—"

She watched his hands twisting together as he bounced on the balls of his feet. Heaving a sigh, she retrieved a Quaffle from his trunk and tossed it at him.

"You look like you could use this," she said when he stopped ranting and accepted the Quaffle like he'd never seen it before in his life.

"Oh." He stared at the Quaffle for another moment, then tossed it into the air and caught it in one hand. As he repeated the familiar motion, some of the anger and manic energy faded. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," she said, crossing her arms and glaring at him. "But it doesn't mean I don't still think you're being a complete arsehole."

"Right, I'm an arsehole because I don't think you should be alone with Snape?" He threw the Quaffle so hard that it bounced off the ceiling.

"What, you don't trust me?"

"It's not that I don't trust you, but he's a slimy git who loves Dark Magic and probably wanks it thinking about you every night—"

She wrinkled her nose. "Don't be disgusting, James."

"Don't be naive," he shot back. His voice was now a shout, and Lily wondered idly if their friends could hear them down in the common room. "If you don't think he fucking fantasizes about shagging you, then you're fooling yourself. So excuse me for not loving the idea of you being alone with him in the dungeons."

"All I'm getting from this conversation is that you don't trust me," Lily shouted.

"Well, why should I trust you when you go behind my back to meet up with the person I hate more than anyone else in the whole bloody school?"

Her heart pounded, dulling all other sounds. "What, you think I'm cheating on you with Snape?"

"I don't know why the fuck to think, Evans." He misjudged his throw and the Quaffle slipped through his fingers. It rolled across the floor and came to a stop under Sirius's bed, but James made no move to pick it up.

"I'm not going to stand here while you accuse me of something I didn't do," she said, turning to leave.

"I didn't bloody accuse you of anything!"

She could hear his fragile thread of self control fraying, but she didn't care. "You didn't have to come out and say it, James. It's obvious what you're implying. We might as well not even be together if you don't trust me." Her hand shook as she fumbled with the doorknob, and she heard James stumbling after her as she wrenched the door open and hurried down the stairs. When she reached the common room, Sirius, Mary, and Peter looked up at her in surprise. She stomped past them toward the girls' staircase, but she whirled around when she hear James's voice.

"Padfoot, will you help me find Snape?"

James was standing in front of Sirius's chair, a dangerous glint in his eyes as he gestured at the portrait hole.

Sirius shrugged and stood. "I dunno what's going on, but sure."

"What are you doing?" Lily demanded, rushing over and grabbing James's arm.

"Leave it, Evans, I thought you were storming off." He tried to pull away, but she tightened her grip.

"What are you doing?" she repeated. "What do you need to talk to Snape for?"

"I'd like to hear him explain why he's been sneaking around with my girlfriend behind my fucking back." There was a bitter bite in his voice as he yanked his hand back, succeeding this time. "And if I'm not satisfied with his explanation, I'm hexing him."

"Don't be stupid, you're not going after him. You don't even know where he is." She tried to grab his arm again, but he darted out of reach.

"Then I'll wait outside the Slytherin common room until he comes out or goes in." He paused beside the portrait hole. "You coming, Padfoot?"

Sirius held up a hand. "Be right there."

"James, for fuck's sake."

He ignored her and slipped out of the common room. She took a step toward the portrait hole, but she had to grab the back of Peter's chair to keep herself upright when she found her legs stuck together. Peter turned around to look at her in alarm.

Lily's face flushed with anger as she saw Sirius lowering his wand. Before she could reverse the Leg-Locker Curse, she felt her wand slip through her fingers.

"Just hang on a second, Evans," Sirius said as her wand sailed through the air to land at his feet. "What the fuck is going on?"

She made an exasperated sound. "Peter, can you do the countercurse, please? We can't let James go charging down there like a bloody maniac."

"No, don't, Pete," Sirius said, glaring at Peter.

Peter's eyes darted between the two of him, his face tense with panic.

"What's going on?" Sirius repeated. "And before you answer, I think I ought to say that you've become one of my best friends, but if you cheated on Prongs with Snivellus, you're fucking dead to me."

"Why does everyone think I'm some slag who sleeps around?" she demanded, her furious tone startling the group of first years sitting by the window. Kath looked up and stared at her in unabashed interest; Lily glared at her while Sirius waved. "I didn't cheat on James. I've just been spending time with Severus as friends, and James found out and lost his bloody mind."

Sirius tapped his fingers against the side of his face and exchanged looks with Peter.

"Just as friends?"

"Yes, just as friends." Now that James had fled, her anger began to ebb, leaving her with an uncomfortable, foolish feeling.

"And Snivelly hasn't tried to put a finger on you? Or asked you out, or, I dunno, 'accidentally' brushed up against you as he reaches for the armadillo bile?"

"No! Why the hell would you think that?"

Sirius shrugged. "He sort of gives you that look."

"What look?" Lily asked with a touch of irritation. She didn't understand why they were standing here wasting time when they should be running after James before he did something stupid.

"Sort of the same way Pete looks at a sandwich," Sirius said, frowning.

Peter laughed, but his cheeks were pink. "That's a bit rude."

"Okay, but now Evans knows exactly what I meant."

She did in fact know the look he meant, although it made her skin crawl to think about Severus looking at her that way: a desperate, hungry look, like he wanted to consume her.

"I don't think he looks at me like that," she snapped. "Anyway, can you please undo my legs so we can stop James from making an arse of himself?"

Sirius twirled his wand between his fingers and pursed his lips, then gave a lazy flick of his wrist that made her legs spring apart.

"I'll go after him," he said, bending to pick up her wand and tossing it to her. Her fingers fumbled to catch it, sending a few sparks shooting from the end. "You stay here. Pete, make sure she listens."

"You're going to stop him, right, Padfoot?" she asked as he headed for the portrait hole. "You're not just going to encourage him to break down the door of the Slytherin common room, right? Right?"

He made no reply other than to wave before disappearing through the portrait hole.

"Where's Black going?" Mary asked, sitting down in her usual seat and flashing Lily a confused look. "Why do you both look like something exciting just happened? Did I pick a bad time to go to the loo?"

"Yes," Peter said, grinning. "Hey, how would you describe the way I look at a sandwich?"

"What?"

Lily sighed and sat down next to Mary, then began to explain the events of the last twenty minutes. As she spoke, she wondered how far James had gotten and hoped desperately that he was not about to make things much worse.

"Oi! Hang on, Prongs!"

James turned to find Sirius jogging toward him, the zipper of his jacket bouncing against him with each step. As he drew up beside James, he leaned against the wall and gasped for breath.

"Did you run down here?" James asked.

"Yes, and you can skip the lecture. I realize I'd be faster if I joined you for your morning runs and cut back on cigarettes, but you can fuck right off with all of that because I'm not doing it." He nodded at the corridor that led to the Slytherin common room. "Should we go, then?"

James led the way down the corridor and stopped in front of a blank stretch of wall, running a hand through his hair and frowning.

"Is this it? Why the fuck don't they have a painting or something?"

Sirius studied the wall, then gave it a tentative knock. "No fucking idea. I feel like it's a bit further down, but it could be all the way on the other end of the corridor for all I know. Wish we had the map."

James stared at the wall, then knocked several times and gave it a kick. "Oi! Slytherins! Open up!"

"Well, that was useless," Sirius said when there was no response. "Want to try walking around until we find a Slytherin we can beg to let us in, or do you fancy just hoping we have the right spot and staying here until someone comes in or out?"

James didn't reply, but sank down onto the ground a little ways from the spot they guessed hid the Slytherin common room. His toe throbbed from kicking the wall, and all he could think about was Snape's beady little eyes and long greasy fingers roving all over Lily in the privacy of the potions workroom.

"What did Evans say?" he asked, his hands clenching into fists in his lap. He thought of the Quaffle Lily had thrown to him, now forgotten under Sirius's bed, and the thoughtful act made him feel a hint of affection for her. But then he remembered Lily saying We have a lot of history, and the affection disappeared, leaving only hot fury in its place.

"She said something about being friends with Snivellus again, which makes no fucking sense to me, but I don't think she was keen on hearing my opinion. So then I told her it was hard to imagine him satisfied with being just friends, because he's always looking at her the way Wormtail looks at a sandwich–"

James let out a snort of laughter. "That's so bloody mean, Padfoot."

"But am I wrong?"

"You're not wrong."

Sirius grinned and nodded. "That's what I thought. So anyway, I told her I'd come down here and stop you before you did anything stupid."

James raised his eyebrows. "Are you planning to stop me?"

Sirius laughed. "Course I'm not. I'm a shit voice of reason – everyone knows that. If she wanted someone to talk sense into you, she should've asked Moony, except he's busy getting sucked off in the library."

"Pretty sure that's not what they're doing."

Sirius made a dismissive hand gesture. "Anyway, I'm happy to wait down here until our greasy friend decides to show his ugly face, and then I'll gladly join you in making him wish he never even looked at Evans. But…" He tilted his head sideways and frowned at James.

James ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "But what?"

"Well, Evans is angry now, but she's going to be even angrier if you do this. It just depends how much you care."

"I don't care," James said, taking savage pleasure in hearing the words come out of his mouth. "If she's that unhappy with me, she can break up with me if she bloody well wants to."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "You mean that?"

James thought back to the moment of panic at the beginning of his conversation with Lily, when he had assumed she was about to break up with him. Even thinking about it now made his stomach clench. His thoughts jumped to her final words before storming out of the dormitory, but he couldn't let himself dwell on that, because it was too pathetic to sit on the floor by the Slytherin common room and cry.

"Of course I don't mean it," he muttered. "I'd be bloody devastated. But what does she want to go and be friends with Snape for? She said all this rubbish about how they have history and I'll never understand what they had…" His voice broke and he leaned his head back against the rough stone wall, hearing Lily's voice echoing in his head. "Padfoot, do you think she has feelings for him?"

"If she does, she's an idiot. Even Evans has better sense than that."

James tried to convince himself Sirius was right, but Lily's words kept replaying in his head. We might as well not even be together if you don't trust me. She had sounded so cold, so sure, and she had turned and left knowing the effect her words would have on him. Had she meant it? James squeezed his eyes together, fighting to regain control.

"Prongs, you alright?" All James could do was shake his head. "Right, come on."

Sirius grasped his arm and pulled him to his feet. Dazed, James stood up and looked at Sirius in confusion.

"What are we doing?"

"We're getting the fuck out of here, because I'm not going to let some Slytherin see you being a sentimental sod." His tone was brisk and firm, and James followed, happy to cede the decision making to someone with a bit more control over his emotions. He stumbled along after Sirius, imagining Lily sitting on her bed with Mary, brainstorming the best way to break the news that she was leaving James for Snape.

When he became aware of his surroundings again, James saw that Sirius had brought him to a secret passage that led to the fifth floor. He slumped onto the floor and ran a hand through his hair. Sirius sealed the door behind them, then pulled out two cigarettes and dropped one into James's hand. When James studied it with detached bemusement, Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Smoke the damn cigarette, Prongs."

James pulled his wand from his pocket and put the cigarette into his mouth but didn't light it. His hands were clumsy, and he had to concentrate to keep from dropping his wand.

"Prongs, I'm not you, alright?" Sirius said, lighting his own cigarette. "I'm not good at bloody pep talks or relationships or any of that rubbish. Best I can do is offer you a cigarette." He took a long drag and exhaled a long stream of smoke, then sat down beside James and stretched his legs out in front of him. "She's not going to leave you for bloody Snivellus, you idiot."

James focused on lighting the cigarette, then took a drag and then another, watching the smoke fill the air around their faces. When the threat of tears receded, he took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair.

"She said she didn't want to be together if I don't trust her," he said, forcing the words out. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"For fuck's sake, Evans," Sirius said, shaking his head. "I should've done more than a Leg-Locker Curse."

James frowned. "You hexed her?"

"I might have," Sirius said, grinning. "But she deserved it! She should know better than to say that sort of shit to you. You can't handle it — you're too sensitive."

"Sod you," James snapped. "I'm not sensitive."

"Okay, you're not sensitive," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "But you don't exactly handle that sort of thing well."

"How am I supposed to handle it?" James demanded, gesturing wildly and dropping his cigarette onto the stone floor. "How am I supposed to bloody react?"

Sirius shot him a pointed look and retrieved the cigarette. "I'd ignore anything she says when she's that angry. Evans is like me. When she gets angry, she spews a bunch of bollocks she doesn't mean. I guarantee she's sobbing on Macdonald's shoulder right now, wishing she could take back what she said."

James watched the smoke from his cigarette dissipate into the air as he considered Sirius's words. "So you don't think she would rather date Snivelly?"

Sirius snorted with laughter. "You know that means she'd have to see him naked, right? She wants to date you, you prat. She loves you, even though you're a pain in the arse."

"You think…" He stopped to take a drag on his cigarette, then continued, strengthened by the nicotine. "You think she's going to say yes when I propose?"

Sirius heaved an impatient sigh. "Obviously she's going to say yes. What woman says no to a diamond that fucking big? But even if you had no ring at all, she'd still say yes. You're soulmates. You have matching Patronuses. It's a bit obnoxious, really."

"It's not obnoxious, it's adorable." The hot surge of anger began to fade as James thought about the engagement ring hidden in the bottom of Sirius's trunk. "Was I an idiot to get angry?"

"Nah, I don't think so," Sirius said, shrugging and flicking a bit of ash onto the floor. "I'd be bloody furious." He laughed and added, "I mean, I punched Eddie Edgecomb for shagging Macdonald, and we weren't even dating."

"That's true," James mused. "Although Snape didn't shag Evans, or even touch her, supposedly."

"Still. It's Snape. He's a git. Of course you were going to be angry."

A sheepish smile spread across James's face. "I told her he probably thinks about her while he wanks it every night. I've never seen her look so disgusted."

"Well, that's one of the most disgusting things I can think of," Sirius said, grinding out his cigarette under his boot. "But it's also 100% true."

James took another drag on his cigarette. It was almost down to the filter, but he didn't want to put it out, because that would mean they would have to return to the common room soon, and he had no idea what to say to Lily to fix this. "What should I do? I've never seen her that angry at me. I'll apologize, obviously, but what if she wants to keep being friends with him?" He ran a hand through his hair, wishing again for the comforting motion of throwing the Quaffle. "I dunno if I can stand it."

Sirius widened his eyes. "Fucking hell, don't ask me. My instinct is to tell Evans to fuck off and never talk to him again, but something tells me she won't appreciate that."

"Evans would absolutely hate that," James agreed. "But I absolutely hate the idea of her alone in the dungeons with that git. It's not that I don't trust her – it's him I don't trust. I wouldn't put it past him to slip her a love potion or use the Imperius Curse so he could do whatever he wanted to her." For a moment James was so full of fury that he couldn't speak. "I'd kill him, Padfoot, if I ever found out he did something like that. I'd fucking kill him."

Sirius nodded. "I know. I'd help you kill him. But I don't think you need to worry about that. Evans can look after herself."

James dropped his cigarette butt onto the floor and bit his lip. "I love her, Pads. I love her so much it scares me, a bit."

Sirius glanced sideways at James and nodded. "I know."

James grinned. "Because that's how you feel about Mary?"

"Sod you," Sirius said, shoving James's shoulder. He scowled and stared down at his lap as he muttered, "Yeah."

James sighed, then heaved himself to his feet. "Alright. Let's go back so I can beg Evans to forgive me."

Sirius stood up and shoved his hands into his pockets. "What are you going to say if she still wants to be friends with our least favorite Slytherin?"

James shook his head. "Dunno. Guess I'll figure it out." He hesitated, looking at Sirius, and then added, "Thanks, Padfoot. You're better at pep talks than you think."

Sirius laughed. "I'm pretty sure that was just the cigarette. Never underestimate the power of a well-timed cigarette."

"Whatever you say," James said, leading the way back to the common room and hoping Lily was as eager to reconcile as he was.

When they reached the common room, James spotted Mary and Peter seated in their usual chairs, but Lily was nowhere in sight.

"She's up in our dormitory," Mary said when James came to a stop in front of her chair.

"You alright, Prongs?" Peter asked, his face creased with concern.

"I'm fine," James said, sounding more convinced than he felt. "Mary, will you go ask her to meet me upstairs?"

She nodded. "Bloody idiot. I told her off, too, just so you know. I can't believe she's allowed herself to be alone with him, even after…" She shuddered and bit her lip; out of the corner of James's eye he saw Sirius flash her a reassuring smile. "Anyway, I think she's a moron and I told her so."

She wrapped James in a quick hug, tickling her face with her curls before she released him and hurried away up the stairs. James waved to Peter and Sirius before he turned and trudged up the stairs to his dormitory.

He was stretched out on his back, throwing a Quaffle at the ceiling, when Lily stepped into the room and took a seat on the edge of Sirius's bed.

"Hi," she said, picking at a loose thread on the duvet. "I, er, I'm guessing you didn't find him, then?"

James shook his head. "No." He set the Quaffle down and sat up, studying Lily as though he would never see her again. He drank in the dark red hair, the faint spray of freckles across her nose, the bright green eyes that still refused to look at him. For a moment he was so overwhelmed by affection for her that he couldn't speak.

"Evs, I'm so sorry." The words came out in a rush, and he made himself pause and take a deep breath before continuing. "I was a fucking idiot. I should never have said any of that. I just…" He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. "I just love you so much, and I got scared…"

Before James had time to realize what was happening, Lily's arms were around him and her face was buried in his neck.

"I'm sorry, too," she said, her voice trembling. James felt hot tears splash onto his skin and he tightened his arms around her. "I didn't mean to scare you. Sirius told me you just about cried."

James pulled away. "I wasn't crying," he said, an indignant frown on his face. "Fucking Padfoot. I'll kill him."

"It's okay," she said, smiling as she adjusted his glasses. "You don't have to be embarrassed. I think it's so bloody sweet."

"You do?"

She nodded. "You're the sweetest person I've ever met. Nobody's ever loved me like you do, and I went behind your back even though I knew it would hurt you…" Her shoulders shook with sobs as tears rolled down her cheeks and dropped onto the duvet.

"Don't cry, Evans." He reached up to wipe away her tears, then pulled her to him again. "Please don't cry. It's not that I don't want you to be friends with him. Well, I don't love the idea, but it's mostly that I don't trust him to be satisfied with being just friends."

She sighed. "James…"

"I'm just saying, if anyone was going to slip you a love potion or Imperius you into bed, it would be Snape." He released her, then brushed a strand of hair out of her face and laced his fingers through hers. "And I know you can take care of yourself, but I don't want you to be in a situation where you need to, you know?"

"Do you want me to stop being friends with him?" she asked, a note of resignation in her tone.

James hesitated. Every ounce of his being yearned to say yes, but he found himself taking a deep breath and shaking his head. "It's up to you who you want to be friends with," he said, hardly able to believe the words coming out of his mouth. "I'd be a shit boyfriend if I told you who you can and can't be friends with."

Lily's eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"

"Really."

"But you'd prefer if I told him to fuck off?" she continued.

James laughed. "Well, yeah, obviously. But, like I said, it's your choice." He ran a hand through his hair, then leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I think what bothered me the most was when you said the two of you have history that I'd never understand."

She traced her thumb up and down the side of his hand. "We do have history. We were friends for a long time, so we have history as friends, the same way you and Padfoot do."

"No," James said, making a face. "It's not the same. Padfoot doesn't want to snog me."

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Well, still, you have a history as friends, and Severus and I do, too. But that's nothing to do with you and me. We also have a history, a different sort of history, and I don't want anything to come between us."

"I don't either." His gaze lingered on her face, taking comfort from the familiar combination of amusement and exasperation that she wore so often.

"I think I wanted to be friends again because I've been feeling sad about how bad things are with my sister—"

"But I'm still going to put that right," James insisted. "You can be close again. I just need the chance to apologize."

"I know," Lily said, regret clouding her face. "But even if you do put things right, I'm afraid it's too late. We're just… different. We hardly have anything in common anymore. That's not bad, I guess, but I do feel sad about it. So I was thinking, if I don't have a good relationship with my sister, maybe being friends with Severus again would make me feel better about it all, because we have a lot of childhood memories. Because if we're not friends, I dunno, I'm just sort of a failure at maintaining relationships, aren't I?"

James wrapped her in a hug. "You're not a failure," he murmured into her hair. "You're not a failure at anything, except maybe Quidditch, but even then, you're an adorable failure."

She laughed and pulled away, brushing away a tear. "Thanks. And I'm sorry I made you worry."

James kissed her, tasting a salty tear on her lips, then took a deep breath. "I just thought, maybe you weren't happy with me, maybe you were looking for something I wasn't giving you, so you went looking somewhere else." It pained him to speak the words aloud, but he had to get them out, because otherwise they would bounce around in his head and eat him alive.

"James." Her fingers cupped his face and her eyes widened, earnest and insistent. "You are everything I've ever wanted. I've never been happier. I love you, and my best friend loves you, and my parents love you. My sister would love you, except she's a miserable bitch who is determined to hate you no matter what. I don't need to look somewhere else, because you know what I need when I don't even know myself. So please don't ever worry that I'm not happy with you."

She kissed him, and the pressure of her lips reassured him even more than her words. When they broke apart, James had a sudden, wild urge to dig the ring box out of Sirius's trunk and give it to Lily, waiting be damned. He managed to restrain himself, and instead settled for the next best thing.

"Move in with me." He grabbed her hand as a wide grin spread across his face. "I'm going to move into Padfoot's flat when we leave here, and I'd really like it if you'd come with me. If you can stand to keep living with Padfoot, that is."

She stared at him in astonishment. Then her face split into an expression of pure, brilliant joy.

"Are you sure? I don't want to intrude…"

James laughed. "Are you kidding? Padfoot will be thrilled. Mind you, I think he's expecting you to do most of the cleaning, since you're the only one who didn't grow up with a house elf."

"Unbelievable. The two of you became Animagi on your own and taught yourselves the Homunculus Charm and healing magic and all sorts of advanced things you had no business knowing, yet you can't manage simple cleaning spells?" She shook her head, but her smile was as bright as ever. "But yes, I'd love to live with you."

Happiness bubbled up inside James, drowning out every other emotion and robbing him of words. He pulled Lily close, breathing in the scent of her hair as his fingers rested on her back. The unresolved part of the argument lurked at the back of his mind, nagging him in Snape's sneering voice, but he shoved these thoughts aside to examine later. For now, he would hold Lily and look forward to their future.