Wednesday, April 26, 1978

"This is the stupidest thing we've ever done," Lily said, eying the staircase with apprehension.

"No it's not," Remus said, grinning. "You weren't there when we let Bludgers loose in the Potters' living room."

"You didn't tell them that was a terrible idea?" Mary asked.

Remus shrugged. "I was drunk. I thought it would be funny."

"It was funny," Sirius said, draping an arm around Remus and handing him the flask. "Remember when one of the Bludgers chased Twinkletoes? He about pissed himself."

"Poor Twinkletoes," James said, plucking the flask from Remus's hands. "Alright, who's going first?"

"Pete said he was," Sirius said, nodding at Peter, whose eyes widened in alarm.

"Don't be an arse, Black," Mary said, putting a hand on his back. "Come on. Let's go down together."

She sat down on the mattress, then gestured for Sirius to join her. He settled behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Remember when we went sledding last year, and we started snogging and ran into a tree?" he asked, pressing his face close to her ear.

She shivered as his breath tickled her neck. "Course I do. That was the stupidest thing we'd ever done, except by now we've done about five other things that are even more stupid."

"Five? Try ten," Sirius said, waving to Remus. "Moony, will you give us a push?"

He tightened his grip on Mary as the mattress shot forward, rocketing down the staircase. Mary's hair flew out behind her, covering Sirius's face, but he didn't dare let go of her to brush it away. She shrieked, and before he could react she had cast a Cushioning Charm and they skidded to a halt in front of the stone wall. Cheers and applause drifted down from the top of the staircase.

"Nice one, Macdonald," he said, collapsing back against the mattress and tugging her down to join him. "You saved us."

"I'm useful once in a while." She grinned, tilting her head to kiss him. "At least we didn't hit a tree this time."

"Oi!" James called. "No improper bed use! The rest of us need to use that mattress, too."

Sirius grinned, then got to his feet and helped Mary up before levitating the mattress in front of them as they climbed the stairs.

"What's McGonagall going to think, if she decides to take a quick walk around the school and sees us sledding down the stairs on a bloody mattress?" Remus asked as he and Seven boarded the mattress.

"She's going to think, fucking hell, I'm going to miss those idiots," James said, bending down to give the mattress a push. "Don't forget the Cushioning Charm, Seven!"

"You know, we picked Pete's mattress because the least shagging has occurred on it," Sirius remarked as he pulled a cigarette from the pack in his pocket and lit it. "But it's probably had the most, you know, action, out of all of them."

Mary wrinkled her nose. "Don't be disgusting."

"What?" Sirius held up his hands in a gesture of innocence. "Just being honest."

"Sod off," Peter muttered, cheeks flaming. "We brought Moony's mattress, too, by the way."

"Yes, because he does the majority of his shagging in that little alcove behind the tapestry," Sirius said.

"Oh, look," James said, pointing down at the bottom of the stairs. "Seven forgot the Cushioning Charm."

"Did Moony get too handsy and distract you?" Sirius called, laughing as Peter hurried down the stairs to check on them.

"Oh, no." Lily laughed and leaned against James. "She's bleeding everywhere."

Sirius watched Seven trying to stem the flow of blood gushing from her nose.

"You'd better go down there, Prongs, before Wormtail tries to fix Seven's nose," Sirius said, pointing at Remus's mattress. "And take Evans with you. So she'll be impressed by your healing magic and want to tear your clothes off."

"Most people don't want to tear clothes off nearly as often as you do," Lily said as she sat down on the mattress.

"Rubbish. You just hide it better than I do," Sirius said, watching as James got a running start and launched himself onto the mattress, sending it hurtling down to land beside Remus and Seven.

"You know I love doing these idiotic, dangerous things," Mary said, snaking an arm around Sirius's waist. "I'm going to miss it when we're off doing serious, adult things."

Sirius frowned. "Well, what we'll be doing will be pretty dangerous. And possibly idiotic, depending on who you ask. Just a different kind of idiotic." He draped his arm over her shoulder and toyed with a lock of her hair. "Besides, we'll find time for the usual dangerous, idiotic stuff. We'll need it to blow off steam."

"You're probably right." She glanced sideways at him and grinned. "It's a bit scary, isn't it? To think the fate of our society depends partly on us?" She gestured down at the bottom of the stairs where James was directing Lily to sit on one of the mattresses before levitating her up to the top.

Sirius nodded. "Bit scary, yeah." He waved down at James. "Come back up here, Prongs! Macdonald and I want to race you and Evans down to the bottom."

A few minutes later, Remus, Seven, and Peter stood at the bottom of the stairs to judge while Lily and Mary each took a seat on the two mattresses.

"We'll get a running start and jump on," James said, gesturing for Lily to scoot over so he had room to land.

Sirius nodded and motioned for Mary to do the same. "Did you tell Moony to do a Cushioning Charm for us?"

"They're both going to do one." James ran his hand through his hair and frowned. "Ready?"

Together they counted down from three, then ran and launched themselves onto the mattresses. Sirius landed so hard that he had to grab Mary's arm to keep her from tumbling off.

"Thanks," she said, laughing. "Lay back, it'll make us more aerodynamic."

They arrived at the bottom a fraction of a second before Lily and James, and they remained sprawled on the mattresses, laughing too hard to move.

"Are you alright?" Remus said, peering down at them with a concerned expression on his face.

"Yes, come down and join us," Mary said, patting the mattress beside her.

"No, don't let him, he takes up too much room," Sirius complained.

"Is that a fat joke?" Remus sat down beside Mary, followed by Seven. "It's my mattress, you arsehole."

"Yes, it was a bloody fat joke. Look at you! Seven, too. Between the two of you there's barely any room left for me and Macdonald," Sirius said, reaching over Mary and attempting to shove Remus off.

"Cut that out, Black," Mary said, pushing him away. "They're probably the skinniest couple in the school."

"Yes, Macdonald, that's the joke." Sirius sighed and rolled onto his back. "Put together they probably still weigh less than Pete."

"Hey!" Peter cast an indignant look in Sirius's direction. "That's a bit rude."

"And untrue," Remus said, reaching past Mary to shove Sirius. He rolled off the mattress and onto the floor with an angry grunt. "Every time I'm drunk and you have to carry me, you complain about how much I weigh."

As Sirius picked himself up off the floor and returned to the mattress, brushing dust from his jacket, he heard a startled giggle and looked up to see Stacy Tremblay and Bertram Aubrey standing at the top of the stairs, staring down at them in confusion.

"Are you having some sort of slumber party down here?" Stacy called. "But why didn't you bring more than two mattresses?"

"The slumber party is Saturday," James said cheerfully. "This is mattress sledding. Want to try it, Stace Face? You and Bertie can race."

"I'm not sitting on your mattress," Bertram Aubrey shouted, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "It's probably filthy."

"What?" James held his hand up to his ear and frowned. "Can't hear you, Bertalicious! Hang on, we'll come up there." He and Sirius got to their feet and levitated the mattresses to the top of the stairs, jogging behind them until they came to a stop beside Aubrey and Stacy. "Here, everybody clear off and let these two have a go."

Stacy cast a hopeful glance at the mattresses, but Aubrey shook his head. "We're not participating in your stupid mattress racing. Come on, Stacy. Let's go get McGonagall."

"You should try it,," Lily urged, as she and the others reached the top of the staircase. "Come on, we're about to finish school. It's your last chance to slide down the grand staircase on a mattress. Won't you be sad you missed your chance?"

Aubrey laughed. "I don't think so." He turned to go, but James reached out and grabbed his arm.

"Hang on. This is official Head Girl and Boy business. This mattress sledding endeavor has been sanctioned by McGonagall for, er, reasons."

Aubrey rolled his eyes. "What reasons?"

"Er…" His eyes widened as he looked at something near the bottom of the stair. "Why don't you ask her yourself?"

Aubrey frowned and followed his gaze. "I don't see her…"

"Come on," James said, jerking his wand at one of the mattresses and levitating it in front of him. "We'd better make a run for it. Get the other one, Padfoot, will you?"

Sirius made a face. "You get it, Pete, it's your mattress."

Peter sighed and pointed his wand at the mattress; it soared through the air and knocked a portrait off the wall before he straightened it out and it pulled up beside the other mattress. The others burst into laughter as they took off running, jogging behind the mattresses.

"Hang on, stop!" Aubrey called.

Sirius glanced over his shoulder and saw Aubrey grab Stacy's hand to chase after them.

"Don't let him report us, Stace Face!" James shouted, giving Aubrey the two finger salute. "Or I'm going to tell everyone the two of you are shagging."

"Are they?" Lily asked, frowning. "I thought she was dating Donald Fawcett."

"No, she and Donald Fawcett are just friends," Seven said, dodging out of the way as Peter's mattress slid backward and almost knocked her to the floor. "I'm pretty sure they spend most of their time talking about how handsome Sirius is."

"Really?" Sirius smirked and glanced at Mary. "You hear that, Macdonald? I'm a highly sought after commodity."

"Ugh, Seven, why'd you have to go and tell him that?" Mary demanded. "Now he's never going to shut up about it."

"Sorry," Seven said with an apologetic smile. "Anyway, I suppose she's seeing Bertram Aubrey as a sort of consolation."

"I dunno how he's supposed to make her feel better," Sirius said, glancing over his shoulder. "That would just make me feel worse. They haven't come after us, by the way."

Laughing and gasping for breath, they slowed. They made it to the staircase leading to the sixth floor without incident when Peter frowned and jerked his wand to the left. Instead of mirroring the movement, the mattress shot in the other direction, careering over the banister to float beside the staircase.

"Free mattress," Peeves said, cackling and pulling the mattress further away.

"Fuck off, Peeves," Peter said, pointing his wand at the mattress. "Accio mattress!"

Peeves maintained his grip; the mattress did a funny little wiggle in the air but didn't budge in either direction.

"I'm not sure you want that mattress, Peeves," Sirius said, shooting him a conspiratorial look. "It's most likely covered in–"

"Please, Padfoot," Lily said, holding up a hand. "Don't be disgusting."

"It's not true, in case anyone's wondering," Peter said, heaving a sigh.

Sirius waved a hand in Peter's direction, dismissing his protests. "Peeves should know what he's touching," he said, shrugging, and then his expression turned thoughtful. "Can a poltergeist wank off?"

"Are you asking Peeves?" Seven asked. "Because he's gone." She gestured and they saw Peeves disappearing with Peter's mattress tucked under his arm.

"Oh, God," Peter said, covering his face with his hands. "What am I supposed to do now?"

"Guess you'll have to sleep on the floor," Sirius said, raising his voice to be heard over the sound of James's laughter. "I was asking Moony, actually, about the poltergeist question, I mean."

"What're you asking me for?" Remus said, trying to stifle his laughter. "It's okay, Pete, we'll get it back."

"I dunno, isn't that what your dad is an expert on?" Sirius said. "What the fuck is the term? Non-human something…"

"Non-human spiritous apparitions," Remus said with a touch of impatience. "But he's the expert, not me."

"Well, ask him," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "Next time you write him a letter, just slip that in somehow–"

"I'm not asking my dad if bloody poltergeists can wank off, Padfoot," Remus snapped. "We're barely even speaking at the moment."

"Well, it seems like the perfect way to break the ice," Sirius insisted.

"You can write and ask him, if you're so keen," Remus said, shaking his head in exasperation. "Come on, Pete. I'll help you find Peeves and get your mattress back, if the rest of you will bring my mattress back for me. Do you want to come, Seven?"

"See if Peeves will answer my question!" Sirius called as they headed down the stairs.

Remus's only response was a rude hand gesture.

"You're so obnoxious, Black," Mary said as the four of them set off for Gryffindor Tower. "I dunno why he stays friends with you. And don't tell me you're a damn blessing," she added, holding up a hand.

He grinned and slipped an arm around her. "But I am. And everyone wants to shag me, apparently. Even Donald Fawcett." He frowned. "How does Seven know that?"

James shook his head. "She knows bloody everything." He glanced at Sirius and raised his eyebrows. "Smart bloke like that, I'd have thought he'd have better taste. But then again, I could say the same thing about Stacy Tremblay."

"Oh, sod off." Sirius shook his head, then draped his other arm around Lily. "What a night."

"What a night," Lily agreed. "What's Peter going to do if they can't get his mattress back from Peeves?"

"They'll get it back," James said, glancing sideways to flash her a reassuring grin. "But if they don't, I suppose he'll have to take the floor or sleep with Moony and Seven."
"Why Moony and Seven?" Mary asked, frowning.

"Because they're the skinniest, Macdonald, keep up," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "They have the most empty bed space. He certainly wouldn't fit in our bed, even if I was nice enough to let him try." He turned his head to smirk at her. "Your tits and arse take up far too much room."

"You're such a prat," she said through peals of laughter.

"What?" Sirius turned to James and Lily, an expression of innocence on his face. "It was meant to be a compliment. You two picked up on that, right?"

"If you told me my tits and arse took up the whole bed, I'd be quite flattered," James said gravely.

Lily burst into laughter and had to lean against Sirius to stay upright.

Sirius grimaced. "Yes, well, I wouldn't say that, would I? Twinkletoes has a better arse than you do." He laughed, then dodged out of the way when James tried to shove him. "Alright, alright, I'm joking. Come on, I still have a bit of Herbology homework to finish, and then we might want to think about borrowing Macdonald's mattress if they can't get Pete's back from Peeves."

He came to a stop in front of the Fat Lady and gave the password, then climbed in after Mary, grateful for another ridiculous night with his ridiculous bunch of friends.

Saturday, April 29, 1978

"Are you sure we shouldn't have brought the mattresses down?" Lily asked, frowning as they spread out the pile of blankets and pillows on the floor of the Great Hall. "This doesn't look very comfortable."

"It took me ages to get my mattress back from Peeves," Peter said, shaking his head. "I'm fine with sleeping on a blanket. Besides, we might need to make a quick escape."

James sat down on the blankets and pulled a bottle of firewhisky and a box of Bertie Bott's from his bag. "We're not going to need to make any sort of escape. It's Padfoot's two biggest admirers on patrol duty tonight."

"How'd Stacy Tremblay get stuck with two patrols in a week?" Mary asked.

Sirius shrugged. "Probably wants to keep busy so she doesn't think about how much she misses my delicious body and wicked sense of humor."

"You're hopeless, Black," Mary said, collapsing onto the blanket across from James. "Seven, I hope you know this is your fault."

"It's not completely Seven's fault," Remus said, sprawling out on the blanket and reaching for the bottle of firewhisky. "But she certainly didn't help make Padfoot's ego smaller."

"Not to change the subject, but if Peeves happens to come by, I vote Moony needs to ask him Sirius's purely academic question," James said.

"Yes, please do," Sirius said, rolling onto his back and tossing a Bertie Botts bean into the air, then jerking his head sideways to catch it. "If you don't, you owe five big gulps of firewhisky."

"Why does it have to be me?" Remus said, heaving a sigh.

"Because the Lupins are known experts on non-human whatever the fuck," Sirius replied. "And before you tell me to just go to the library to look it up, I asked Madam Pince for help and she told me off for being a depraved page-folding savage." He reached over and nudged Lily. "I returned one of your books for you and she saw the way you mark your pages – which is depraved, by the way."

"Should we play cards, then?" Mary said, pulling the pack from James's bag and beginning to shuffle them. "Loser needs to run a naked lap around the Great Hall?"

"Absolutely fucking not," Remus said.

"Oh, shut up, Moony, you can keep your jumper on," Sirius said, taking the bottle of firewhisky from Remus's hand. "Deal the cards, Macdonald. I think it's a great idea."

Everyone scooted in to form a circle as Mary dealt the cards. Peter moved back so Seven could curl up beside Remus, but made sure to allow James and Lily enough space as well. They settled into the game, with Peter paying extra attention to his hand, because he wasn't eager to run around naked.

His worries were in vain, because to nobody's surprise it was Sirius who ended up running the naked lap. When he returned and collapsed down on the pile of blankets, laughing and reaching for the bottle of firewhisky, Mary rolled her eyes and handed him his pants.

"At least put these back on before you take a drink, you prat."

Sirius laughed and pulled on the pants, then took a long swig from the bottle and leaned over to kiss her. Peter looked away, not wanting to intrude on a rare romantic moment between them.

"Imagine running naked through the Great Hall," James said, smirking at Lily. "What sort of weirdo would do that?"

Sirius roared with laughter. "See, this is why we're best friends. Because we're the exact same sort of weirdos."

Lily's eyes widened. "You told Padfoot?"

"Evans, he tells me everything."

Seven frowned and tilted her head sideways to look at James. "Have you run naked through the Great Hall?"

Lily sighed and reached for the firewhisky. "Alright, fine. He has, but it's only because he's a gentleman." Her hand rested on his knee as she launched into the story. "So we had a sort of picnic down here for Valentine's Day…"

"I love all of you idiots," James announced after they had traded several more stories and Peter was wiping away tears of laughter. "You know that, right?"

"Yes, we know," Peter said, clapping him on the back and feigning exasperation. He found James's drunken proclamations of affection reassuring, although he always made sure to tease him along with the others.

"Prongs is drunk," Remus observed, exchanging a knowing glance with Seven. "But we love you too."

"Speak for yourself, Moony," Sirius said, stretching out on his back and tugging on Mary's hand until she lay down beside him. "I think he's a tosser, personally."

"You love me the most." James sprawled out on Sirius's other side and rolled toward him, his glasses dangling from his nose. "Your grumpy act isn't fooling me."

Lily grinned and moved to lay beside him, reaching over to adjust his glasses.

Sirius scowled and pulled his cigarettes from his pocket, jamming one into his mouth and lighting it with his wand. "You're alright," he muttered, blowing out a stream of smoke.

"Padfoot," Remus complained, waving away the smoke as he and Seven settled on the blankets, with their heads next to James, Lily, Mary, and Sirius, and their feet pointing in the opposite direction.

"Doesn't count, Moony," Sirius said, handing the pack to Mary. "We're practically outside. Look." He pointed up at the enchanted ceiling, velvety black and studded with stars. "Smoking is completely permissible if you can see the stars."

"Remember that night we went into Hogsmeade for my birthday, and we all ended up laying on the ground looking at the stars?" Lily asked, nestling her head closer to James.

Peter watched them for a moment, hesitating, then relaxed into a grateful smile when Remus patted the empty blanket beside him and he settled in to join them.

"You always bring up that night," Mary observed. Her cigarette smoke formed a hazy cloud around her face. "Although this does remind me a bit of that."

"I feel like it was the first time we were all…" She raised her hand in the air and made a vague gesture.

"It was the first time we were all a group like this," Peter finished.

For a moment, none of them spoke, and Peter braced for a mocking comment or derisive laughter from Sirius.

"You're right," James said, and the rest of them murmured their agreement.

Peter's shoulders slumped with relief.

"Except Seven wasn't there," Remus said, giving Seven an apologetic kiss on the forehead.

"Yes, because Moony didn't bother to invite her, rude arsehole that he is," Sirius said, extending his arm out to the side to flick a bit of ash onto the floor.
"He is quite rude, isn't he?" Seven said, giggling. Peter heard rustling sounds as she moved closer to Remus. "But it's okay. He's very good in bed."

"Seven," Remus groaned, covering his face with his hands. "Don't encourage him, for fuck's sake."

"No, please do encourage me, Seven," Sirius said, flipping around onto his stomach to peer at them with interest. "Feel free to give us as many dirty details as you like. Your sex life is so mysterious."

"It's not mysterious just because we don't want the entire school to know our favorite sex position," Remus argued.

"I bet it's Seeker style," Sirius said, nodding sagely.

"What's that?" Lily asked.

Mary giggled and blew out a stream of smoke. "I don't think it's an actual thing."

"Sure it is," Sirius insisted. "It's the same as straddling a broom, except instead of a broom–"

"Bloody hell, Padfoot, shut up," Remus said as Seven collapsed against the blanket, shaking with uncontrollable laughter.

"And she reaches around to make a grab for the Snitch, which is–"

"Don't be an arsehole, Black," Mary said, cutting him off. "He clearly doesn't want to confirm or deny whether that's their favorite, so just leave it be."

"Fine." Sirius sighed and flopped back onto his back, then tossed his cigarette onto the stone floor, a thin curl of smoke rising into the air until Peter ground it out under his shoe. "Sorry for teasing you, Moony. Please don't kill me in my sleep."

Remus chuckled. "I'll at least wait until we leave school. That would mean a lot of paperwork for Dumbledore, probably, and he's got enough on at the moment."

"I don't suppose Azkaban allows conjugal visits, either," James mused. "But sorry, I'm not helping, am I?"

"You are not," Remus confirmed.

When the laughter died away, they lapsed into silence. Beside Remus, Peter heard deep, steady breathing, and guessed that Seven had fallen asleep. He stared up at the starry sky above them and smiled to himself. The firewhisky had given him a loose, floaty feeling.

"You lot are going to tease me for being sentimental," Lily said, breaking the silence.

As she spoke, Peter picked out a constellation on the enchanted ceiling, and he tried in vain to remember which one it was.

"I suppose it's because I spend so much time with the biggest sentimental sod of them all," she continued. "But anyway, can we all promise to stay like this, even when things change and get more complicated? Like, in ten years, I want us to still get drunk together like this and talk about Moony's sex life and tease James for being sentimental when he remenisces about the silly things we used to do."

"We will," James assured her. "Of course we will. We'll get someone to watch the kids and—"

"Kids?" Lily interrupted. Underneath her surprise, Peter detected a note of pleasure.

"Yeah," James said, laughing. "I figure, I've got to have kids so I can pass on my intelligence and athletic ability. It's not fair to deprive the world of kids that talented." A hint of doubt crept into his voice as he added, "What, don't you want kids?"

"Of course I do."

Peter peeked at them and saw Lily lean over to kiss James, her dark red hair falling into his face. He wanted another sip of firewhisky, but couldn't remember who had the bottle last.

"What about you, Padfoot?" James asked. "If we get our kids together we could form our own Quidditch team. We can start training them from the time they're old enough to sit a broom."

Sirius laughed and reached over James to grab the bottle. There it is, Peter thought idly.

"A fucking Quidditch team, Prongs? How many kids do you plan on having?"

"At least three," James said in a matter-of-fact tone as though he had decided on this years ago. "Maybe four or five, if the first three don't cause too much trouble."

"If they don't take after you, you mean," Lily said, giggling.

"Five kids," Mary said, sounding impressed. "You're mad."

"Evans, are you sure about that?" Sirius asked, incredulous. "You're going to be the one who has to push all of those babies out of your fanny, you know."

"Yes, thank you, Padfoot," Lily said, and Peter could picture her rolling her eyes. "I'm aware of how childbirth works." She hesitated for a moment, and Peter tilted his head back to look at her. Her face was inches from James's, and they were gazing at each other with an expression of complete adoration and joy. Peter looked away and returned to watching the enchanted stars, experiencing an unexplainable pang of loneliness.

"I love the idea," she said, her voice soft and slightly husky.

"Mad, both of you," Sirius said, chuckling. "You're not having kids, are you, Macdonald?"

She laughed and adjusted her position, and as she did so some of her curls tumbled across the blanket and tickled Peter's arm. He eased his arm out of the way, although she didn't seem to notice.

"Fuck no," she said, and her tone was so emphatic that it made Peter laugh. "You think I want to be another Melanie?"

"Oh, Mary, you wouldn't," Lily said, startled. "You'd be a great mum."

"Thanks," Mary said. "And maybe I'll change my mind — I know we're young. I just can't picture myself doing it, you know? I don't think it's for me. You know what I mean, don't you, Black?"

"Can you imagine me having kids?" Sirius let out a bitter laugh. "If you ask me, nobody in the entire Black family should reproduce, but then again if they don't, who would they force their misguided fucking blood purity ideas on?"

There was rustling and grumbling, and then Peter saw a plume of smoke and smelled the acrid scent of a cigarette.

"Besides, the way things are going — the way I live my life — I'll be lucky if I'm still fucking alive in ten years."

A stunned silence followed his words, and then everyone spoke at once.

"Padfoot!"

"Fucking hell, don't say that."

"Of course you'll be alive in ten years, you dramatic—"

"Bloody hell, keep your pants on," Sirius said, laughing. "I wasn't trying to be morbid, just realistic. Because let's face it, I drink like Macdonald's mum and drive my motorbike a bit faster than necessary—"

Remus let out a burst of incredulous laughter.

"—and I've been known to start a fight or two, and I don't always think before I act—"

"Are you saying you sometimes do think before you act?" Mary asked. "I'm not sure I've ever seen that."

"Point is," Sirius went on, "I just figure all of that's going to catch up to me eventually. Or maybe it won't, I dunno, because more cautious tossers like Moony insist on buying me helmets or pulling me out of a fight or whatever." He exhaled, and a hint of smoke drifted across to hover above Peter's face. "Either way, make sure there's plenty of firewhisky served at my funeral, and I'm not having any bloody kids."

"Well, now I'm depressed," Lily announced. "Just for that, I'm going to make sure there's nothing but Celestina Warbeck played at your funeral."

"You better not, or I'll come back and haunt you," Sirius warned. "What about you, Moony? What's hypothetical future Remus Lupin going to be doing ten years from now?"

Remus didn't speak for so long that Peter thought he had fallen asleep. When he did finally answer, his voice was almost a whisper; Peter had to lift his head from the blanket to hear.

"I can't think that far into the future."

"Alright, five years, then," Sirius said, impatient.

"No. I have a hard time trying to imagine anything past the next full moon. Mostly I take it a month at a time." There was a slosh of liquid as Remus reached for the bottle of firewhisky and took a sip. A few droplets missed Remus's mouth and landed on the blanket beside him; Peter smelled the sharp tang of the alcohol. "It makes it more manageable that way."

"Remus." Lily's arm appeared beside Peter to give Remus's shoulder an awkward pat. "That didn't make me any less depressed."

"I'm sorry," Remus said lightly. "I didn't mean to be depressing. That's just the way I operate."

"That makes sense to me," Mary said. "When I, er, was having a bit of a tough time two summers ago, I really couldn't think more than a day ahead. Anything more than that felt too overwhelming. And if I knew I had to go through hell every single month, I'd take it month by month, too."

"Thanks, Mary." The gratitude in Remus's voice made Peter ache with sadness.

"Well, I can see your future, even if you can't," Lily said firmly. "I think in ten years you'll be the Defense professor here, because there's no chance Macyntire's going to last that long. And you'll have an adorable little teacher's case that says 'Professor R.J. Lupin,' and you'll be everyone's favorite teacher, and all the older students will want to shag you–"

"Evs, are you trying to seduce Moony?" James demanded, laughing.

"No, you idiot. Didn't I just say I'd birth an entire Quidditch team for you?"

James sighed. "Five is not an entire Quidditch team."

"Well, maybe Remus will take a break from molding young minds to contribute to our Quidditch team," Lily said.

Remus sat up, pulling at the blanket thrown over Peter's legs and sending the firewhisky bottle spinning across the floor.

"No," he said, his voice quiet, and choked, and impossibly sad. "Not me."

"You'd be a better dad than any of us," James said.

"No," Remus repeated, and the steel in his tone told them that the conversation was over.

Nobody spoke. Mary reached out to retrieve the firewhisky bottle and set it upright on the edge of the blanket. Seven stirred and rolled over but didn't wake up. Peter's eyes drifted shut, although he was still aware of everything going on around him. James let out a nervous laugh, then cleared his throat.

"What about you, Pete? What are you going to be doing in ten years?"

Peter lay there, mind whirling as he tried to decide how to go about answering James's question. Where would he be in ten years? Like Remus, he had a hard time thinking that far ahead, but it wasn't because he had to endure something horrific every month. There were just too many unknowns.

Would the war still be going on? The thought terrified him, and yet it didn't seem out of the realm of possibility. Would he be married? Peter pictured a faceless woman in a white dress taking his hand, but the image evaporated before he could give her any definite features. What's wrong with me? I can't even properly imagine a future wife for myself. He could almost hear Sirius's derisive comment about never finding a woman desperate enough to marry someone like Peter. He didn't even dare to consider having children, although he had to admit he liked the idea of being a dad.

"Wormtail?" Sirius asked, his voice piercing the tumble of thoughts in Peter's head. "You asleep?"

Peter couldn't say where he would be in ten years, because he didn't even know how he was going to handle things once he left Hogwarts. He had promised his mother he wouldn't join the Order, and he had no idea how he was going to hide it from her once he joined in June with the rest of his friends. She wanted him to remain at home, yet it felt anticlimactic, leaving school to join a secret organization only to keep living at home with his mother. Yet where else would he live? Sirius's flat was already going to be full with the four of them living there. Remus had mentioned no living arrangements after Hogwarts – probably, Peter realized, because he had none. He had been wanting to bring up the topic, but lost his nerve every time he had the opportunity to mention it.

"Peter?" A hand touched his shoulder and a strand of hair tickled his face, bringing with it a whiff of Sleekeazy's and smoke. Mary's fingers were warm against the thin fabric of his t-shirt, and he could smell t firewhisky on her breath.

He wanted to confess all of these worries aloud, so that his friends could reassure him about his future the way they had reassured Remus and Mary and Sirius. He wanted to clap Remus on the back and tell him he would be a good father, that the fears holding him back were unfounded. He wanted someone to stroke his hair and kiss his cheek and fall asleep beside him the way that Mary and Lily and Seven did for his friends. More realistically, he wanted a sip of firewhisky, but he didn't trust himself to speak or even open his eyes to ask for it, so instead he just lay there in silence, pretending to be asleep.