Those icy blue eyes, looking down at his screen. Those long, thick fingers scrolling through an email he just received, that he had to look at quick. That focused look on his face as he read.
God. Was that handsome man really hers?
"Baby," she smiled.
"Hmm...baby," he murmured, still looking intently at his screen.
She started to laugh quietly, so he looked up at her, taking a break from his email.
"What?" he asked with a shy smile.
"Nothing. You're just so focused and you're so cute."
He started to blush heavily and smiled, shaking his head.
"You don't believe me?" she asked.
"Uhh," he chuckled, putting his phone down. "No."
"You are not serious," she said, looking at him in awe.
He looked questioningly back at her, and shook his head. "I don't...I don't know."
She looked at him lovingly. "Oh, honey. Oh, baby. You are literally the hottest guy most people have ever seen and will ever see."
If his face could get any more red, it did.
"You're just...biased. Because you're my girlfriend," he chuckled shyly.
"No. No, I am not," she shook her head. "You were the sexiest thing I had ever seen the moment I saw you and I certainly wasn't your girlfriend then. Neither was Huck, Shawn, or my mother."
His eyes widened instantly. "Your mother?"
"Yes, my mother thinks you're very good looking. Everyone thinks so! Have you seen yourself?"
"...I have, yes," he nodded.
She started to feel sad and extremely confused, wondering if anybody had ever really told him the things she told him before.
"Fitz," she said surprisedly. "You are gorgeous. You are so handsome."
He blushed and looked down at the table, running his hands through his hair. "Thank you, Liv."
She reached for his hand and he immediately reached back. "Do you believe me now?"
"I...I believe you," he chuckled.
"You better..." she smirked, squeezing his hand.
"You are…the kindest to me," he said quietly, rubbing his thumb over her hand.
"I am honest," she corrected, smiling at him. "I mean damn. Do you not remember that photo in your mother's house from that photoshoot? Wow. I will never forget that photo. Literally…ever."
"You really loved that photoshoot, didn't you," he chuckled.
"Um, yes," she nodded.
"You know…there were a lot more photos to that photoshoot than just that one photo…" he said.
Her eyes widened. "And you have not shown them to me?!"
"No," he chuckled. "I suppose…I've got them somewhere on my desktop. My mom had them all put in one spot. If you want — "
She gasped, squeezing his hand in anticipation.
He was chuckling. " — I could find them for you."
"Yes, please!" she nodded happily. "I would love that!"
"Okay," he laughed. "I will do that for you. As long as you don't…show them to everybody. Because…they're embarrassing."
"I won't," she laughed. "But they are definitely not embarrassing. Sexy, is what they are."
He smiled cutely back and glanced away from her gaze.
So cute.
"Okay. Sorry. You focus on your email now, I just had to let you know how cute you were for a minute," she said.
He shook his head, looking at his phone again.
"No, no, it's nothing urgent at all. I'll handle it when I get into the office. Work can't cut in on the little time I have with you. It doesn't get to."
"Well, Fitz, if it has to cut in, that's okay," she laughed. "It's work, it's important."
"And this is you. You're important," he replied.
She instantly felt herself blushing and smiling at him in response.
She tilted her head at him, speaking her mind before she could even stop herself.
"Come over this afternoon."
He looked at her questionably. "What?"
"Greta's leaving right after school to go home for the weekend. So...we don't have to worry about...questions there. And it's been a couple weeks, I'm essentially all moved in, so I thought...you could come see it now that it's finished. If it works for you?"
He bit his lip, racking his brain for anything that might get in the way of that. Fridays were almost always his least busy day of the week. He rarely had afternoon meetings, or any meetings at all, and many people left the office a bit early if their workload allowed it. Many people at his level didn't even bother to come into the office on Fridays if it wasn't necessary. Today was no different from most of his Fridays. It could work. It probably couldn't be for very long, but it could work.
"Okay. Yeah," he smiled. "I'd love to."
"Really?" she asked.
"Mhm," he nodded. "That should work out for me today. For a little bit."
"Perfect!" she said. "I'm so glad you can come."
"I'm so glad too, Livvie."
She smiled happily, and he chuckled at how cute she was. How excited she was to show him around.
And he was excited too, he really was. To see her place, but also to get away from the outside world with her, and only her, even if only for a bit. There were always some nerves that came with being out with her in the city, even despite New York City's large size.
There were so many people at all times, everywhere, which worked out well for them. It hid them in the crowd a bit. They didn't stand out — it was impossible to in a city like New York City.
But it was also still the place where he worked. He had friends in the city, and so did Mellie. Friends and colleagues who worked there, or lived there, or both. It certainly wasn't risk-free, that was for certain.
The only problem was he didn't know what else he was supposed to do if he really wanted to see Olivia as much as possible. Like he'd promised he would. Like he truly wanted to do.
He didn't exactly want to get a hotel room every time he wanted to see her, even if for only 20 minutes just to ask her how she was doing or how her day was. Nor did that seem like the smartest decision financially. Not like Mellie had access to any of his personal accounts, but that would still be quite a grand expense. And who was to say there wouldn't be people he knew at any of those hotels, too?
Not to mention, he didn't particularly enjoy the idea of getting a hotel that often just to see the woman he loved. It made him feel even worse about things, and he certainly didn't think Olivia would like that either.
Essentially telling her she was nothing more than a mistress to him, and hotels were their safe place? No way.
That wouldn't work for him. And if all went according to what he wanted, this would hopefully end soon, anyway. Soon, he may not have to worry about any of this.
Part of him knew that was a long shot, though. Because he knew Mellie wouldn't cooperate that easily. No way in hell. He just liked to hold out hope to keep him somewhat sane.
In reality, nowhere would ever be risk-free for him and Olivia. Not for a while, most likely, and not unless they wanted to drive a couple hours away every once in a while to go to some town unfamiliar to the both of them. Neither of them had the time for that, though, and he knew he for sure didn't have the patience.
He just wanted to see her as often as he could while he worked on getting out of his God awful marriage, and this was the easiest way. It certainly wasn't the most anxiety-free way. But then again, nothing ever was for him.
But her little place in the city, when her roommate was gone? That was probably one of their safest options at the moment. And it was a little bit sad that it was.
He wanted this all to be over already. He and Olivia hadn't even been dealing with this for very long yet, and he already hated it. It was so much better than her living in his own home, that was for sure. But it was hard, and he wanted it to be over.
He didn't want to have to feel anxious everywhere he went with her. He didn't want to have to think about "safe places." He was past caring what anyone would think at this point, when they could be together freely, he just wanted it to stop being some stupid secret.
Who you love — that shouldn't be a secret. It shouldn't have to be a secret.
He knew he'd done wrong, there would never be any denying that. He knew they may not be supported by everyone. But it didn't change his thought that this shouldn't have to be a secret for either of them. It just shouldn't.
And he was the only person who could change that. It was all on him to get them there, to the point where it was no longer a secret. So he was going to do everything in his power to get them there.
"I'm going to have another conversation with Mellie tonight," he said, taking a sip of his coffee.
He could physically see her grow nervous, yet perk up, at the same time.
"You are?" she asked.
"Yes," he nodded. "I've waited long enough. Things are back to normal, the holidays are over. I don't want to wait too long, because that's more time I'm lying and pretending to Karen, and more time I'm losing with the woman I love."
She couldn't help but look at him so admirably at that last statement.
"I've been...I've been trying to plan out what I'm going to say to her. I've been trying to...to think of the best way to approach it. And I'm going to be honest, I don't really know. Abby is right…this isn't something...I have a lot of control over. I have a general idea of what I want to say but ultimately...things are going to depend on Mellie and...how she reacts. Things aren't going to go how I want them to, I'm already prepared for that. She'll fight me. And it'll be fine, she can…she can fight all she wants. I just need to respond well it how she reacts. Take it one step at a time, but...stay strong and never back down on it."
Olivia let out a sigh and nodded. This was where she wasn't always sure what to say to him. She wasn't sure what she had the right to say, honestly. So, she usually just tried her best to show him that she understood, not wanting to display too much selfishness, or be too reserved on the matter, either.
"If you'd like me to, I'll let you know how things go. I'll text you, or something. And if you don't want to know, then that's okay too. I just...I want to make sure you know where everything's at and what's happening, if that's something you want as well. I don't want you to be in the dark about absolutely anything, unless that's your preference…in this situation," he said.
"Thank you, Fitz," she nodded. "I would like that."
"You don't need to...to thank me," he shook his head. He sighed, putting his hand up to his head. "I certainly don't need to be thanked for...for anything in this situation."
"Yes...you do," she said. "No arguments."
He chuckled lightly and shook his head. "Okay. No arguments. But is it something I can agree to disagree on?"
"No," she said. "I'm just right, I'm sorry to inform you."
"You're just automatically right, huh?" he chuckled, watching their fingers intertwine again.
"Mhm. Sorry," she shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee with a smirk.
"You always are," he nodded, rubbing her hand gently.
"Ohhh, now you're just sucking up to me," she laughed.
"Nope, nope," he shook his head. "It's true."
"Damn right it's true," she said, smiling as she brought his hand up to her mouth for a kiss.
He chuckled, watching her. Watching her be her.
Watching her love him. Just the way she did.
"I love you," he whispered, kissing her hand back. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," she laughed. "Thanks for the reminder. You know I love those."
"I do know," he nodded, smiling.
"We should probably get going. But...I look forward to you reminding me some more later," she said with a smile.
He blushed and smiled back.
"Me too."
Olivia was excited to be done with her day that day. She was excited once she finished up and said goodbye to Huck, and got in a cab with Stephen to head home.
That was another nice thing about living in the same building as Stephen, she got to ride home with him every day, and that way they could split cab money. It was cheap to begin with, considering it was less than 10 minutes each ride. And a lot cheaper in total than she was used to paying for her train commute. But still, every bit helped.
She wished she could ride to school with him as well, although considering her normal plans to see Fitz at least a couple mornings a week, that probably wouldn't work, anyway.
Olivia always worked out before school, taking advantage of her gym membership that was included with tuition at school. It was within walking distance of where she lived, so she usually walked to the gym and then showered and got ready for the day there, before she made her way either to school or to Starbucks to see Fitz.
She certainly wasn't going to stop her gym routine even though she'd lost the privilege of having the home gym. She'd worked so hard to get to where she was now. And plus, even with everything she did in the morning — working out, going to Starbucks — she was still able to sleep in a little later than she had been able to in Rye. She was doing the same things she used to do, she was just lucky enough to already be in the city every morning to start out with.
Stephen was the same as Olivia. Like her, he went to the gym, and was actually more fond of running than anything else.
But get him up out of bed earlier than he needed to? You'll probably regret that.
He wasn't a morning person to start with, much less someone who enjoyed working out in the morning. He was always one to go later in the evening.
Which, both worked out well for, and sucked, for Olivia.
She would love to have a work out buddy who lived nearby. Greta was a yoga girl, she didn't need any more than a mat and a small space in their suite. Quinn lived much further away, and so did Huck, who wasn't a big gym person anyway. Elliot was older than all of her friends, and didn't go to their school, so he couldn't even get into their gym without a voucher each time. And Stephen would never be caught in a gym before school. So that part was unfortunate, because she really preferred to have a partner.
But also, with her occasional morning plans right after the gym, with a man she wasn't ready for the entire world to know about quite yet — perhaps it was a blessing. And hopefully, at some point, she'd get her favorite workout partner back.
She wasn't sure when or how. But she held out hope, just like Fitz.
To keep her sane.
She had been texting him as soon as she was headed home. Both because she was excited for him to come over, and because she knew he really would need to come sooner rather than later, in order to get home at his normal time.
They were texting back and forth as she cleaned up a few last-minute things, and while he was on his way.
Her suite was only on the second floor at the very end of the hallway. However, they did have a back entrance as well, which is what their half of the hallway tended to use since it was closer. Plus, that's where their mail was. So all it took was a simple flight up the back steps of the building and she was right there. First door on the right.
They met near the back door in the little entryway, immediately reaching for each other's hands upon meeting.
"Hey," she smiled.
"Hey," he greeted, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "You're right, this isn't far at all," he said, looking around the entryway.
"No, nice and close to you," she nodded.
He smiled and his eyes landed on her mailbox number, which listed her name.
"There you are," he smiled, running his fingers over the last name "Pope."
"Mmhmm," she nodded. "There I am."
"And…Greta?" he asked, pointing to the last name "Odagiri."
"Yep, that's Greta," she nodded. "I'd love for you two to meet. Just…not sure that's a great idea right now."
"Yeah, probably…probably just not yet," he chuckled. "In time."
"In time," she agreed. "Alright, you wanna come see it?"
"Absolutely," he smiled, allowing her to lead the way. She led him up the brief flight of stairs, talking a bit about their days.
He did probably appear out of place there. It was clear he was older, despite his youthful looks.
But it wasn't like the people that lived there would really have a reason to know who he was. Even Stephen wouldn't recognize him if he were to see him. She'd tried to keep him on the down-low for a reason.
And again, it still felt like one of the least risky places they could be.
The second she opened her door and brought him inside, she saw a smile form on his face.
"Oh, Liv," he said, looking around their small entryway, and into the sitting area.
They had a little shelf for their keys and a coat rack for their winter things. There were a few pairs of shoes and boots by the door, neatly stacked against the wall so they were out of the way.
Their little sitting area, pre-furnished, had two chairs with some throw pillows. She and Greta had added a cute little rug, and a throw blanket too.
It wasn't big and there wasn't much to it. But it was home now. And Fitz seemed to like it.
"I love it. It's very nice," he smiled, looking around.
"Thanks. I'm glad you do," she said happily. "The bathroom is just right over there, and...my room is this one."
She pointed to the room nearest the door as they both removed their shoes and coats. He set down his briefcase over on one of their chairs.
She opened the bedroom door for him and he was able to see her tiny, cute room.
She had a twin bed, a little side table, and a dresser. She was even able to fit a little bean bag she'd found for cheap in the corner. Otherwise, everything else had come with the bedroom.
One of her bedroom walls was brick, which she absolutely loved, and the rest were white. She'd hung up a mirror by the door, and a few pieces of art she'd brought with from home this time around. It wasn't much, but it was all she needed. And while limited in her options, it was still very much her style. She'd made it so. And he agreed.
"It's very you," he smiled, looking around. "I love it."
"Thank you," she said, lacing her fingers in his. "I'm so glad you could see it."
"Me too," he nodded, squeezing her hand.
They both looked at each other, alone for the first time in weeks. Alone and not in public.
He shifted slowly, stepping closer to her. They let go of each other's hands — but only because they went other places.
His, to her hips, and hers, around his neck.
And their lips on each other's.
He kissed her right there near the door of her room, until he moved her slowly toward the wall opposite her bed, allowing his hands to move and brace himself against the wall.
"Hi there," she murmured, cupping his cheeks as she pulled his bottom lip into her mouth.
"Hi," he murmured back, slowly pressing himself into her body. One hand shifted to her ass, and both simultaneously moved closer to each other.
He squeezed her ass lightly, granting her tongue access to his mouth for the first time in a while.
They certainly didn't shy away from innocent kisses in public places, but this was the first time in almost a month that they had the opportunity for it to lead to more.
But it didn't. Not yet, at least. She had a hard time telling yet, when he wanted things to go further. To this day, she didn't really have enough experience with him to know. There was about a total of two nights where they'd been intimate, the big night having been before she left for winter break.
They were still learning each other. What they liked. How they liked it. When they liked it. They were still learning those things.
But the making out, like they were doing now — that they didn't need to learn. Both already knew how and what they liked.
And God, it never got old. It felt so good.
His mouth wide open against hers. His warm tongue deep inside her mouth, brushing hers.
She moaned lightly against his lips, pulling him closer. She could already feel both of their breathing starting to pick up.
He pulled away briefly to take a breath, looking down at her as he panted. She felt his quick breath on her lips, and she smiled up at him.
"Been a minute," she said quietly, running one hand down his chest.
"Yeah. It has," he nodded, sliding his other hand up to her jaw. He held her face, and they both leaned back in for more.
She cupped his cheek and rested a hand on his chest. He held tightly to her jaw with one hand and pushed her body into his gently with his other hand still on her ass.
The slow makeout; she'd missed that. She had to admit, she'd hoped she'd get some of that today. And a part of her hoped for more than that too, even though she knew he probably didn't have that much time.
But she was still trying to read him — his body language, to see if perhaps this was going to lead elsewhere.
In their relationship so far, Olivia had initiated many of their "firsts." Fitz had initiated their first kiss, although Olivia was pretty sure part of his reasoning to do so was to silence her never-ending rambling. And even so, he had practically surprised himself at his sudden action.
And anything past second base, were things Olivia had initiated. She had touched him first. She had gone down on him first. She'd told him she wanted him first.
She was less experienced, no doubt. But the only reason for that was because she was younger. And it wasn't to say she didn't get nervous about these things. She was human — she did. But she was also much bolder than Fitz. Much more adventurous. She had a much easier time just going for things she wanted, if of course, he wanted them too.
The only reason he was more experienced was because he was older.
Because otherwise, he was reserved. Quiet. Hesitant. Shy.
And she was none of those things.
Those things would never change. It took him a little longer than her to open up. To be comfortable. To be intimate with her. She remembered months ago, how hesitant he was even to touch her ass, or her upper thighs. He'd gotten there, of course. But it had taken some time.
She could see it now, on his face. She could see his nerves. She could see his internal debate, on whether or not he should. But she could also see the want in his eyes. She could see...the desire and the hunger, after the kisses and the wandering hands.
And she saw the moment he made a decision.
His eyes flickered down her body quickly, and right back up again.
And he began to kneel down, dragging his fingers along her body slowly.
She inhaled sharply, watching him lower himself to his knees. She was wearing a cute black shirt tucked into a pair of high-waisted jeans with one of her most favorite belts ever, and his fingers stopped sliding as soon as they hit that belt.
He started undoing it slowly and she raised her eyebrows in surprise.
Oh, so this was happening?
She couldn't help but smirk as he undid her pants and pushed them down slowly, kissing the top of her underwear.
She watched him like a hawk; eyeing his every move, his every instinct.
She watched him completely remove her jeans, leg by leg, while he looked up at her almost the entire time.
She watched him tease her with her underwear on.
She watched the nerves disappear from his face, and the desire heighten.
A soft smile spread across his face the second she moved her hands down to his cheeks, tilting his head up to look at her again. He smiled at her as he slid her underwear down slowly.
She silently thanked the heavens for choosing the underwear she'd chosen that day. A white silky pair, that were now sliding down her thighs with ease.
After she stepped slowly out of them, his eyes shifted back down. He let out a staggered breath, being so close to her now half-naked body again. She hadn't been entirely positive what he wanted to do — although she'd had an idea, which was just then confirmed.
He leaned in and kissed her just above her clit, but trailed his lips down immediately. And with that, she drew a sharp gasp, and her grip on him tightened. Her hands held firm to the sides of his face, but she slowly moved them up further to rake her fingers through his curly hair.
She had to admit, the view of him kissing her down there was a good one. Especially because of his current position.
In a full suit, on his knees.
And his hair, God, his soft, styled hair — his curls, long and thick.
It probably wouldn't be styled for long, though. Not based on what his mouth was doing to her right now and how hard she was gripping.
His eyes were now closed, and he was using his tongue. The way it moved; the way he used it so gently and perfectly.
Wow.
She was steadily breathing now, watching him. But a large gasp and moan escaped from her lips when he lifted up her right leg to open her wider for him.
"My shoulder," he murmured, licking his way across this now open area he'd created for himself.
She was panting heavier now as she nodded, following his quiet directions. She let her leg, bent at the knee, rest on his shoulder. Meanwhile, his tongue was now slipping inside of her.
His tongue was warm, and leaving a wetness all over her that was now mixing with her own. This was everything she had dreamed about. Everything and more.
So good. It was so good. And the moan that left her mouth next let him know exactly that. It was loud, and mixed in with something that could have resembled his name, but she was too pleasured — too gone — to form any sort of recognizable word.
The moan made him open his eyes, and look up at her satisfied face. She was currently as far back against the wall as she could be, leaning the back of her head against it in pleasure. Her eyes were closed now, and her fingers were clutching his hair so hard, trying to pull his face impossibly closer to her.
It hurt, actually. She was pulling hard, and he knew she didn't even know it. She wasn't trying to.
But he wanted her to pull harder. He wanted her to moan louder.
He opened his mouth wider against her skin, letting his tongue roam further. Tasting her. Exploring her in so many ways he shouldn't be right now; but it felt so good to do it.
The moans coming from her mouth made his dick twitch in his pants. What a beautiful sound it was.
His hands had been doing a few different things. At first he hadn't focused on what they were doing, wanting to aim all his attention toward what his mouth was doing.
They had been wrapped around her, pulling her body to his mouth. Palming her ass, because she liked that. On her hips, gripping her tightly.
But now he brought them into the equation. He brought his fingers up to his mouth, wetting them with his tongue before allowing them to slide underneath her body. He used two to feel around, but not quite inside of her yet. He wanted to tease her a little more than he already had.
He rubbed around her entrance, watching the effect it had on her body. He saw the involuntary widening of her legs; she couldn't go much further because she was standing up against the wall. But oh man, he could only imagine how wide she could get for him if they were on a bed.
He kind of liked this though, so he didn't want to move her.
She was almost whimpering, rolling her hips slightly against his face. She was right where he wanted her to be. Desperately wanting his tongue to keep swirling around her clit, but also wanting to feel him inside of her. God, it was sexy. But she was becoming more and more restless, that was for sure.
"Thought you liked teasing," he murmured, before slowly licking her clit. He dragged his tongue from bottom to top, before just flicking his tongue across it back and forth.
Oh, did she like that.
She opened her eyes finally at his words, looking down at him with such a look of awe on her face.
"I…I…ohhh," she moaned, leaning her head back against the wall.
"I'm taking that as a yes," he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her clit.
She started to laugh breathlessly against the wall, shaking her head. She remembered their discussion of teasing that they'd had once, while they were laying in her bed at his house.
Oh, how long ago that had been. Back when they'd barely done anything.
And now he was eating her out against her bedroom wall.
He chuckled against her skin too, at the sound of her laugh. He knew she liked it, her body had given that away entirely. But of course, there was only so much teasing one could endure.
So he quit teasing her and sucked her clit into his mouth, and slid a finger inside her. She was so wet at this point, his finger glided effortlessly in, and right back out.
The gasp when he did that was exactly what he wanted to hear.
One of her hands tightened in his curls, and the other one smacked against the wall abruptly as he thrust his finger in and out of her. He added another too.
She panted loudly, so he went faster. He went harder. He gave it his absolute all.
His fingers and his mouth at the same time — she loved that.
The second she started to shake against him, he developed a sense of pride. It was so sexy, and so breathtaking to watch.
Breathtaking for her too. Literally.
The combination of her panting, her moans, her tight grip on him, and her shaking, had him hard in his pants. But he wasn't concerned with himself.
He just focused on her as he continued to learn what she liked.
The final phrase that spilled out of her mouth while he was going down on her was at least somewhat understandable. She was shaking and panting, and looking like she could orgasm at any moment, but he could make out what she was saying.
"Fitz...yes — yes, please, Fitz. There. There — "
It came out in somewhat of a stuttered, rambled sentence that was followed by the loud moans of her reaching her orgasm. Finally.
And every time he made her orgasm, he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. Every time; didn't matter what kind of orgasm it was or how he got her there.
All he could think about was her confession to him after they'd first had sex; that he had given her what she'd never felt before. How cute and longingly she looked at him after he got her there. It was like he held something that only he could give to her. Hearing what she'd said, it certainly felt that way. And that made him happy as hell. He wasn't ashamed to smile.
He slowly stood up and leaned down, watching her pant. He stroked the sides of her face with his thumbs, smiling at her as she finally opened her eyes to look at him.
"You're kidding me right now," she whispered with a laugh, breathing fast.
He started to smile and chuckle. "I hope that means…good things."
"Jesus Christ, so many good things," she nodded breathlessly. "I mean…I don't…I don't even know what to say, Fitz, besides holy…fuck."
He was blushing now, seeing her so flustered. Because he knew why she was so flustered, and he was taking that as the highest form of compliment.
"Your hair…you might have to fix it a little bit," she whispered, running her fingers through it with a quiet laugh.
His curls were completely unstyled and out of control at the moment.
"That's okay," he chuckled. "That means I did something right."
"You absolutely did," she panted with a nod.
She let out a deep breath and smiled at him. He was already so close to her, so near her face that he didn't have to lean far to kiss her.
He immediately slipped his tongue into her mouth the second she kissed him back. He wanted her to taste herself on his mouth, and clearly, she wasn't shy to kiss him back after what had just occurred.
"Mmm," he moaned, reaching down and gripping her hips. He pressed himself into her naked body, which was probably way more agonizing for him, considering she'd already reached an orgasm and he was hard as a rock and hadn't.
"Do you have time?" she whispered, reaching between their bodies and starting to massage him.
He exhaled against her mouth, gently pulling on her bottom lip.
"I...I probably...don't. I...I shouldn't," he whispered regrettably. He internally groaned because her hand felt so good, even through all the clothes he had on. And he had time. Just not all that much. Not for a Friday, when he usually got home early.
"Okay," she whispered understandingly, slowing down her hand. Her eyes flickered to his, to see if she should stop.
It looked like he could use it. She wanted to, and knew he did too. Clearly.
But he didn't have that much time and she respected that. Especially considering he'd just dedicated most of his time to going down on her.
He steadily breathed, watching her slow down her massaging hand a little bit.
"Little longer?" she asked quietly, smiling up at him.
He nodded silently, leaning his head down on her shoulder.
She smiled, using her free hand to stroke his curls that were now so close by. Remembering another time he had been in this position; leaning on her shoulder while she touched him.
"Hmmmm," she giggled. "I'm having some déjà vu here."
He started to chuckle and nod in agreement.
"The basement couch?"
"The basement couch," she nodded. "Great night."
"One of the best," he agreed. "Doesn't beat, um...the night of the 19th, though."
"The 19th?" she asked questionably. "Don't you mean...the 20th?"
"No. I do not," he shook his head.
She raised an eyebrow. "The 19th..."
"...Was the night I told you I loved you. And you said you loved me back."
Her face softened and she looked up at him sweetly. "Oh my God. Are you kidding? You're going to be that soft and adorable when I'm standing here rubbing your dick through your pants?"
He started to smile, trying to keep in his laughter. So then she had to try and do the same — her smile growing bigger.
They both failed.
They were in a fit of laughter, looking at each other.
"You're so funny," he chuckled.
"Well, here I am thinking you were talking about the night we did the deed. My thoughts instantly turned sexual, I apologize about that," she laughed.
"Don't apologize. I'm not saying the 20th wasn't also one of the best nights ever. It was. I'd say they're very equal. Just wasn't what…came to my mind just now. Surprisingly."
"Surprisingly," she giggled, leaning her head against his chest.
"Yes," he chuckled. "I can't really stand here and pretend my thoughts of you and our time together…don't turn…sexual. That happens to me quite often. Many...many times, uh...daily."
She was laughing, looking up at his face which was slowly turning red now at his confession.
"You are so cute. I'm glad I'm not the only one," she said, standing on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.
He gratefully accepted her kiss on the cheek and smiled at her, as she pulled her hand reluctantly away from his pants.
"I better stop teasing you now," she laughed, wrapping her arms around him.
"Um...yeah," he chuckled, reaching down to adjust himself. Heavily adjust himself.
She laughed quietly at the entire incident before he wrapped his arms around her too.
"Okay. I should...I should probably go. But just...kiss me for a few seconds, before I do."
"I can definitely do that," she said, pulling him toward her. "That's not gonna help with how hard you are right now, though, by the way."
"I'm fully aware of that and I accept it," he nodded, pulling her closer as she laughed.
He immediately captured her lips in a deep kiss, pressing her back into the wall again.
"Mm," he moaned, sliding his tongue inside her mouth.
She gratefully brushed his right back with her own.
But sadly, that was their last little moment before he really did go.
She put her remaining clothes back on and he washed his hands and made sure his dress clothes and hair looked...normal.
And then he was kissing her reluctantly by the door, both of them giving each other reminders before he had to leave.
"I love you," she murmured, pressing a long kiss to his lips.
"I love you so much," he whispered back.
"I'll miss you. And...I love you," she said again, laughing slightly.
"I love you, Liv," he chuckled, tightening his grip around her body. "And I'll miss you too. But...I'll text you tonight. Okay?"
"Okay," she whispered, standing on her tiptoes again, waiting for a kiss.
He smiled, leaning down and pecking her lips.
"I'll see you next week. Monday morning?"
"Monday morning," she agreed, running her hand down his chest. "I'll be counting the days. Like I always do."
"Me too," he nodded.
"Here, I'll walk you out."
She walked him the few feet to the back stairwell, and down the stairs, next to the back door on the first floor.
"Alright. Have a good weekend, okay?" he said.
"Thanks, smiley. You too," she replied. "I wish I could say...'say hi to Karen for me,' but..."
He nodded solemnly, but then smiled softly. "Text her. She is always so happy when you do."
"Oh, I will absolutely do that," she smiled back.
He chuckled. "You're the sweetest."
"Back at you," she replied, squeezing his hand.
"Thanks. Bye you," he said, giving her one last kiss. Their goodbyes were always filled with endless kisses.
"Bye," she answered, smiling.
While reluctant, he really did have to leave. He had a long commute home, which did cut in on some of their time.
She went back up to her suite, already missing him and thinking she'd probably have to do something with her friends this weekend or else she'd be stuck alone and bored in her suite for a couple days.
Fitz, on the other hand, headed home.
The crazy range of emotions he always felt about Olivia was so overpowering, especially getting back from a visit like...that.
This feeling of complete and utter sexual attraction all the Goddamn time. He hadn't been lying when he told her his thoughts turned sexual when he thought about her.
He had never once experienced this type of chemistry. This type of sexual attraction.
Maybe it was the fact that they both had been interested in each other from essentially day one and he had never experienced that. Or perhaps it was the fact that they loved each other, and he didn't have experience with that either.
Or perhaps it was the fact that it was Olivia. And Olivia was just...different.
He didn't know. But the number of times he caught himself thinking about what they'd done. The things he could do to her. The things maybe she'd want to do to him. Holy shit.
Today had been amazing, and it was certainly not a new situation for him. He'd been in that position before. He'd felt pleasured, desperate hands in his hair before.
To be quite honest, he knew he was good at it — what he'd done to Olivia today. He just knew, based on past experiences, that he could do it well.
But nothing compared to how pleasured Olivia had been. How he made her moan. The way she tasted.
Nothing would ever compare to anything revolving around Olivia.
He sometimes wished he wouldn't feel guilty about that. He'd gotten used to it. But he knew that it wouldn't totally go away. He couldn't change that, and it was part of the reason he kind of just wanted Mellie to know everything.
It scared him too, that was for sure. But it did nag at him that here he was, coming home on the train from "work," which wasn't the truth at all. When he was really coming from another woman's place. With the taste of her on his mouth, the scent of her on his body, and her on his mind.
It didn't matter that his and Mellie's relationship sucked, he physically could not not feel like an asshole about that.
But this was what he wanted. As Olivia often mentioned, he signed up for all of this the second he kissed her that first night. He knew what he was getting himself into when he stopped denying things. And he sure as hell wasn't going to stop seeing Olivia. Because just like he physically couldn't not feel bad about it, he also physically couldn't be away from her anymore. He just didn't want to, and it made him more anxious when he couldn't be with her now.
It hurt him to think of her having to wait for him. This situation was difficult for her, too. It wasn't just him. She deserved only the best. And yet, through all of this mess, she was only ever kind and understanding.
She was everything to him. Everything.
And tonight, he was making another step toward that.
When he got home, he immediately went upstairs to change. Not that that was that abnormal, sometimes he changed right away, and sometimes he didn't. It depended on how he was feeling that night, whether he wanted to cook dinner in his dress clothes or change and relax a bit first.
But tonight he didn't want to take any chances. Any chances that he smelled like her, or that his clothes were more wrinkled than they should have been.
It was something he still couldn't believe he was thinking about — that this was really something he was doing right now in his life. But hopefully soon, he could quit with the lies and the pretending, and have the life he wanted. The life he'd always wanted.
God, it felt so close, yet so far.
To his surprise, Mellie asked him what he wanted from a nearby restaurant she was ordering from to be delivered for dinner.
A night off from cooking — he wouldn't complain about that. Every once in a while that was nice, even though he loved cooking.
And after dinner, when Karen went to play on her iPad upstairs after Fitz and Mellie helped her out with some of her homework, he saw his opening.
Mellie was having a little red wine. It was Friday night, so he thought he'd indulge a little bit too. Why not.
So he poured himself a drink, and for the first time in a long while, he went to sit next to her in the sunroom. The sunroom that was just her space, really — an unspoken rule. Just as Fitz had his space in the basement and that was mostly where he spent time, both before and after Olivia — the sunroom was where she spent hers.
She looked up curiously when he entered the room, drink in one hand and the other hand stuffed in his pocket.
"What?" she asked.
He chuckled. "It's funny that…you knew I had to have come in here for a reason. I know it's your space. But…still."
She raised her eyebrows. "Well…you did come in here for a reason, I assume, right?"
"I did," he agreed. "You're not wrong. I just think it's funny how...ass backward this is — the fact that you know I'm in here for a reason. Because we never just sit and chat anywhere — that would be weird for us."
She started to laugh.
"Oh Lord, baby, what time did you start drinking today?"
"Don't call me that," he shook his head, sitting down next to her on the couch.
She looked at him and shook her head with a big eye roll.
"Alright. What's wrong with you today, Fitz?" she asked, correcting herself with a very sarcastic emphasis.
He took a sip of his drink and looked at her. He said it with all the confidence in the world, even if he didn't quite feel it.
"I want to have a conversation."
"A conversation — a conversation about what?" she asked casually, sipping her red wine as she looked through her magazine.
"Us," he answered simply. "Our relationship. Our marriage. Which...well, I'm not sure if I should even really call it that. But sure, to start, let's say our marriage."
"What's that supposed to mean?" she quietly snapped back, not even looking his way.
They were both speaking quietly, for Karen's sake. But this was probably a much better place to chat than their bedroom upstairs, considering that was near Karen's. At least the sunroom was a whole floor away.
"Umm..." he began, giving her an odd look. "I don't know. What part of our relationship is actually a marriage, Mell? Can you even answer that?"
She gave him a dumb look.
"Fitz. If you have a point, make it. I don't have the patience for this, it's been a long week."
"That is my point. I'm asking you a question and...for once in your life I'd like you to answer me. I'd really like to have an actual, productive conversation with you. Please. You're...an intelligent, and talkative person. I'm not sure why that's so hard for you to do with me."
"Me? Are you kidding?" she asked, boggled. "Fitzgerald, I have no problem talking. You're the one who prefers not to speak to a single soul all day."
He sighed, shaking his head. "See? See what you just did? We're not talking about me. We're not talking about…the endless flaws you think that I have. I asked you a question and you deflected — like you always do when we start having a conversation about...us. For once I would like you to not deflect."
"I don't deflect. I just don't feel the need to engage in a pointless conversation we have no reason to engage in," she shrugged.
"You absolutely deflect, that is a fact, and this conversation clearly has a reason if you take into account how many times I try and make it happen."
She was sighing and huffing, but he didn't even give her a chance to comment something snide back, he just jumped on her again.
"Let me ask a different question," he began with a nod. "How long do you realistically think our...relationship...will last?"
Now she looked at him like he was insane. "There's no 'how long.' It's a relationship for a reason. Having it last was a very large part of said reason."
He sighed, shaking his head at her.
"Okay. Then answer me this. What kind of relationship is it?" he asked.
She chuckled, scanning the page she was reading.
"Well, one thing's for certain, it was much better a couple months ago before you started sleeping in the damn basement. Do you know how lucky we are that K hasn't seen you doing that?" she asked.
Now it was his turn to chuckle. "Do you know how lucky we are that she hasn't started getting weary about us before now? Or actually, maybe we are lucky she spoke up now. Maybe now, we have the chance to put a stop to this before she really gets hurt."
"Oh my Lord, you really still think she's thinking about that? Something she said one night out of the blue because she thought you were sad?" she asked.
"Yes. I do. Because she's got a lot of me in her, and I know how my own mind works. She's thinking about it," he nodded.
"She's strong. Every child worries about things. Big things or small things. And just because we've had one little hiccup doesn't mean this is all going to go down in a big ball of flames, Fitz. And she's smart. She knows that, even if you don't," Mellie snapped quietly.
"You're right on one thing — I would prefer it didn't go down in a ball of flames. I'd prefer it ended peacefully."
"You're being ridiculous," she whispered. But her voice was slightly raised.
"No," he said, taking a sip of his drink. "I'm not. I'm telling you what's best for all of us right now. Every single one of us."
"We aren't having this conversation. You know we don't have this conversation," she shook her head. He could tell she was trying to keep it together.
"We are. We're having it right now and we're not done."
"We sure as hell are. Karen is just upstairs."
"So don't fucking yell, and we'll be fine."
"Oh, it's that easy, is it? All we ever do is yell. Inevitably, no matter what, someone starts yelling," she said disgustedly.
Hey, finally she said something that was true!
"Also another part of my point," he agreed. "Come down to the basement then. Let's not act like our house isn't big enough to have a private conversation."
But that argument never worked. He could always try. But she wouldn't listen.
"You're seeming to forget that I don't have any interest in this conversation," she replied.
He sighed, rubbing his forehead.
"You really don't get it?" he asked.
"Get what?" she asked.
"You don't see it. You are so hooked on this idea of…of perfection that you don't see the...the better option? The healthier option?" Fitz asked. "You don't see what needs to happen. Or you do see it. You see it, and you're too proud to admit that you do, so you continue to put up this front. Which is it?"
She looked at him intently.
"So many questions for such a quiet man. What has gotten into you, baby?" she asked sarcastically.
"Do not call me that."
"Good Lord, what is your problem? What's your fixation with that anyway? An entire decade and all of a sudden now's the time you're going to boycott sleeping in our bed and…stupid nicknames?" she sighed, rolling her eyes.
He definitely wasn't going to comment on those things right now, in his best interest, but he was going to take advantage of the fact that she was still somewhat having a conversation with him.
"Look, I didn't see it either. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I did. But I see it now. And you will too. You'll get there," he nodded confidently.
"Where will I get, exactly?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"You'll get to where I am. You'll understand what needs to happen," he said.
"Nothing needs to happen. Nothing, except you need to quit sleeping in the damn basement and…going on about these 'options,' when we agreed years ago there was only one option. And this is that option."
"All those years ago when we were 19?" he whispered angrily.
"Yes, when we were 19, Fitz. And don't act like age means a damn thing. We weren't stupid. Young, yes, but not stupid. What we chose was right. Karen has the best possible version of her life. This is what's best," she whispered back angrily.
"We weren't stupid. But smart people still make mistakes, Mellie. And we made one," he whispered back quickly. "Karen's life is good now. But imagine how fast it will go downhill when she really starts to understand that her parents have been lying and pretending for her entire life. Then how do you think she'll feel?"
"She won't —"
"She will! She already has!" he whispered, through clenched teeth. "Stop going in circles with me, stop!"
"Then stop bringing it up when you know how I feel about it? Of course, I'm going to go in circles — why do you think how I feel will change?!" she whispered.
"Because it changed for me!" he whispered. "It changed for me. What I want has changed, Mellie."
She looked at him angrily. "Well, unlike you, I still want to do what's best for my family. And that doesn't get to stop just because you don't want that anymore."
"That is what I want!" he exclaimed quietly. "I have been in this with you for 10 years, Mell. Why would I want to propose something like this after all this time if I truly didn't think it was best?"
"You're proposing a divorce," she said, with such a pained look on her face. "In what world is that ever seen as a good thing? In what world does that seem like it would do anything but cause heartache?!" she whispered angrily. "I can't even — I don't...we don't talk about this. We do not — no."
She got up, tossing her magazine back on the couch and leaving both her drink and him behind during her quiet fit of rage.
But he wasn't done.
"In our world, Mellie. In our world, divorce would be the answer. In our world, it's what we need to do to prevent heartache. For all of us. But most importantly, heartache for her. The one who matters most to both of us."
She had stopped briefly by the door, listening to the last statement she let him make before she left the room.
"You don't want her to feel the way you felt as a child, I know," Fitz said. "But if we keep on with this, that's exactly how she's going to feel down the road. It will be no different. We didn't see it before, and that's both of our faults. But I see it now. And it's time you do, too."
She saw the side of her face at his last statement, as she turned briefly to him.
And for the first time, he could see it on her face. Very brief. But it was there.
A look of worry. A look that reflected the fact that what he'd said, and how many times he'd said it, had maybe had an effect. It had gotten through.
Her face softened for a moment, but that didn't last long before it hardened again and she looked straight ahead again, heading out of the sunroom.
She was gone now, heading to their room, no doubt. And he wasn't going to try and push it all in one night. It wouldn't work. But he knew for sure he'd made progress today.
Another day of things he'd never said. Going further with it than he'd ever gone. Baby steps.
And for once, perhaps he was starting to get through. And he'd keep at it.
He'd get there. That much, he knew. Because he wasn't ever going to let it go, and she wasn't stupid. So, so stubborn. But not stupid. At some point, she'd have to see it. She'd have to understand.
He only worried what it would take to snap her out of it.
God, it was so draining. Truly, he didn't know a conversation, even one that wasn't that long, could be so draining. Now, he just wanted to go downstairs and talk to Olivia.
But first, he wanted to check in on Karen upstairs. He heard Mellie up there right now. He couldn't hear them talking. But he'd heard the direction that she walked when she went upstairs, and figured she, like him, wanted to check in on her.
So when he heard her go back to their bedroom, he finished his drink and walked upstairs to see how Karen was doing. Or maybe, see if she wanted to read a little bit of the book she was currently reading to him, as they'd done a few times a week lately.
She absolutely wanted to do that.
While Karen was chippy, happily reading the third book in the Gregor The Overlander series to her dad, Mellie was in their bedroom probably upset, if he had to guess. And he was overwhelmed with thoughts, as usual. Although tonight had been a good step, It wasn't exactly pleasant, that was for sure.
At least Karen was happy for now.
After three chapters of her book, Fitz told her it was probably about time to get ready for bed.
So, he decided to head downstairs. He didn't say a word to Mellie, although she probably wouldn't want to talk to him anyway. She was mad. She always was at him, it seemed. But this time, he hoped would perhaps lead him in the right direction.
He had a little hope in him after that conversation, he really did. So he relayed that to the woman he loved.
Fitz: Hi you.
Olivia: Hi! How are you, baby?
Fitz: I'm okay. How's your night gone?
Olivia: Good. How about yours?
Fitz: We had a discussion, and I got through to her better than I normally do. They always end the same, so I'm letting her be now. But I didn't hold back much. Soon, I won't hold back anything. I'm just trying to ease into it as best I can. But I can't ease in forever, or she'll never listen.
Olivia: Yeah, I get that. That makes sense.
Fitz: We will get there, baby. I promise you that.
Olivia: I know we will, Fitz. I know.
There you go. Baby steps.
Just like canon Mellie, and especially with the talk of divorce, this Mellie is stubborn. Whew!
Things will be happening in the near future. Stay tuned!
Hope you're enjoying the bumpy, messy ride.
Read on,
~T