Joe found himself dusting shelves that didn't need dusting. He had to stay busy. He had tried to sit down and read while the store was empty but he couldn't concentrate. His mind kept going to Valentine's Day dinner at Maggie's. Despite their previous dates and chats, Joe found tonight very intimidating. He had bought Maggie a cameo but now he seriously wondered whether he could go through with giving it to her or not.
If Joe were honest with himself, he would have to say he was scared of opening his heart again. He had loved Lissett with all of his being. All day he had been remembering Valentine's Days that he had spent with her. Losing her had been like losing part of himself. The fact that he felt responsible for the accident that had taken her only added to the pain.
Could he open himself up to the risk of that pain agin? Could he risk the chance of him being the cause of death of someone else he loved?
Perhaps Maggie would be better off without him.
"Are you trying to dust the finish off of those shelves?"
The question caused Joe to jump, dropping the box he had moved to dust under. Not quite ready to face the person who had spoken, he stooped down to pick up the box.
"No," Joe replied, the single word coming out much harsher than he intended.
"What is wrong, Joe?" Gabriel asked, all trace of humor gone from the question now as he sensed his friend's distress.
"I am sorry," Joe said as he placed the box on the shelf. Turning, he tossed the duster over toward the counter, where it stayed. "I should not have snapped at you."
Gabriel shrugged his shoulders. "If you cannot snap at friends then who can you snap at," he told the store owner.
Despite his distress, Joe gave a brief smile at the comment. Gabriel probably was one of the few people he knew that truly could let off handed or harsh remarks just roll off him.
"I guess I am just nervous about tonight," Joe commented, feeling as if Gabriel deserved some kind of explanation.
"I thought you said you and Maggie talked about taking things slow," Gabriel commented.
"We did," Joe admitted.
"And the two of you are having dinner out at her place tonight, right?"
"We are supposed to," Joe admitted, reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck. He was starting with a headache and he had a feeling the tense muscles of his neck were the cause.
"Do not back out of dinner at this point, Joe," Gabriel warned. "I may not have the relationship experience that some others have, but I do know that backing out on dinner plans on Valentine's day is not a good idea."
"I know," Joe said with a heavy sigh. "However, I have also spent most of the day thinking of Valentine's Days that I shared with Lissett."
Gabriel nodded. "That does not seem unreasonable to me," he told his friend. "You shared something special with Lissett. It is only natural that your memories of her are going to surface at times. Valentine's Day seems like one of those special days that could trigger memories."
"But is it fair to Maggie?" Joe asked. "It doesn't seem fair to ask her to compete with ghosts of memory pasts."
Gabriel sighed. He'd had these conversations before. "You know Nathan and Elizabeth went through the same thing, so though I don't know what you are going through, Joe, I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with what you are feeling. In fact, I would wager that most people who have lost someone they have loved have wrestled with these emotions, like Elizabeth did. Like Elizabeth, quite a few of them end up finding happiness again."
Joe heard the words. He knew there was truth in them.
Believing them to be true for himself seemed like a very daunting task right about now.
"You deserve to be happy again, Joe," Gabriel told his friend. "Lissett would want you to be happy again, just like if the roles were reversed, you would want Lissett to be happy again."
Joe felt the tears start to come at those words. "Man, how I wish the roles had been reversed," he said, looking up at the ceiling as he tried to keep his voice from breaking.
Gabriel didn't reply. However, he did close the distance between himself and Joe. Joe remained stiff as his friend gave him a hug, though he had to admit that there was something comforting about the friendly embrace. For so long, Joe had kept the emotions inside. He hadn't talked about Lissett or the accident to anyone. Perhaps by doing so he had never truly worked through that pain. Perhaps that was why it was so hard for him to move on now.
Aware that they were standing in the middle of the store, Joe pulled back from the hug after a few moments. Reaching up, he wiped away the few tears that had managed to escape.
"Joe, I can't imagine what you are going through," Gabriel told his friend. "However, do not put your relationship with Maggie in jeopardy out of fear. Keep things casual tonight if you must. Keep the cameo you bought and just give her a box of chocolates if things are starting to feel too serious for you. Maybe you even tell Maggie that you are struggling with celebrating with and why. Honesty always goes further than keeping secrets. I do know that if you back out of tonight, you will regret it."
Joe nodded as he considered Gabriel's words.
"Keep things casual," Joe repeated, with a nod. "You think Maggie would be okay with that."
Gabriel nodded. "I think she would much rather keep things casual then being told you were not coming at all," he told her.
"You are probably right," Joe admitted.
"I also think that perhaps you should talk to someone who knows better what you are going through, Joe."
"That might be good advice but the only one around here that I can think of who would have any idea of what I am going through is Tess Stewart and I am not sure either one of us is ready for that conversation."
"True," Gabriel conceded. "However, if you wanted to talk to them, Elizabeth and Nathan would probably both be willing to talk with you, Joe. Elizabeth knows about losing someone suddenly and moving on, and Nathan could give you an insight on what Maggie might be going through. You might not be able to talk to her in person, but if you wanted to write a letter I know Elizabeth would respond. That is just the type of person she is."
"I'll think about it," Joe told him.
"Good," Gabriel replied. "I may not be a good source of advice, but any time you want someone to talk to, I am a good listener."
"You may regret making that offer," Joe told him.
Gabriel reached out and clapped a hand on Joe's shoulder. "Never," he assured the man.
"Thank-you, Gabe," Joe replied. Perhaps nothing had really been resolved. All of the doubts and fears he had been feeling were still there. However, Joe felt a little less stressed out after sharing with Gabriel.
Perhaps writing his feelings out in a letter to Elizabeth Grant might be in his future. Tonight though, he simply had to have dinner with Maggie in whatever manner felt comfortable for the both of them.
Coming into his new home, Billy made a beeline for the bedroom. Gabriel wanted to change out of his uniform before they headed out to the orphanage, and Billy knew exactly what he wanted Gabriel to wear. The boy was just hoping that he could convince Gabriel to put the dress clothes on without giving any of the surprise away.
By the time Gabriel joined him in the bedroom, Billy had laid out the outfit on Gabriel's bed.
"You should put that on," Billy told him. "I am going to put on my church clothes," he added.
"Dinner at the orphanage does not necessarily consist of dressing up," Gabriel replied, knowing that he had dressed a little nicer for Lillian's party then he usually did.
"I know," Billy replied. "Tonight it does though. Please?" Billy replied looking up at Gabriel.
Gabriel smiled. "Now I know exactly what Nathan means by the look you just cannot resist," he said, shaking his head. "I will put on the outfit you picked out," he told the boy, reaching up to undo the buttons of his serge.
"Thank-you!" Billy said excitedly before disappearing behind the curtain that Gabriel had put up around his mattress. Though Gabriel had promised to build a frame for the mattress, it had not happened yet. Not that Billy minded. He would much rather be on the mattress on the floor with Gabriel than in the finest bed somewhere else.
Billy and Gabriel both put on their dress clothes and bundled up against the cold. The two then set out for the orphanage. As usual, Gabriel let Billy set the pace though this time, Billy was walking with hurried steps. He was anxious to get out to the orphanage to help with the preparations.
Reaching the orphanage, Gabriel knocked on the door. It was soon answered by Lillian who was dressed up herself. In fact, she was wearing the blue velvet that Eleanor had bought her for her birthday.
"At least I won't feel out of place," Gabriel commented as he and Billy stepped inside.
"You won't. The children insisted on dress clothes tonight, though I don't know why."
"You will soon," Billy promised.
Gabriel smiled at Lillian. "Do you get the feeling that something is going on that we do not know about?"
Lillian laughed. "Yes," she confessed. "Ever since Fred and Vincent hung the blanket across the doorway to the dinning room and told me to wait in here with Ellie."
"My job is to keep you two company," Ellie chimed in from the piano bench. "Miss Lilly taught me a scale, Mountie Gabe. Can I show you?"
"You may," Gabriel replied.
Gabriel was heading toward the piano as Billy slipped around the blanket and into the kitchen. Sophia and Mary Louise were finishing decorations in the dining room. The two girls greeted Billy as he continued to the kitchen.
With Eleanor's help, the children had soon finished preparations for the special dinner for two for Lillian and Gabriel. Miss Grace had even borrowed a couple of silver covers for the plates from the hotel for the occasion. While Vincent, with Eleanor's close supervision, lit the two candles on the table between the two places set, Billy and Christian went to the doorway.
"Miss Walsh, Gabe, your table is ready," Billy announced solemnly while Christian held the blanket up out of the way.
Gabriel and Lillian exchanged glances even as they got to their feet. Little Ellie reached up and took each of their hands in hers.
"I hope you like our surprise," Ellie said as she led the two adults to the dinning room.
Lillian and Gabriel let themselves be led to the diningroom. Lillian gasped when she saw the table.
The table had been covered in the lace table cloth that Lillian's mother had always used for holidays. An arrangement of artificial flowers had been placed in the center of the table. The vase of flowers was flanked by two taper candles. Heart-shaped place mats had been fashioned and had been placed on either side of the table at the far end of the table. The napkins had been folded like they would be at the hotel and the silverware placed on the side of the heart-shaped place mats.
"We thought the two of you should be able to have a special dinner tonight as well," Billy said shyly.
Reaching out, Gabriel pulled the boy into a hug.
"Thank-you," Gabriel told him, blinking back the tears in his eyes.
"It was Billy's idea, but he asked us all to help," Mary Louise said from the doorway to the kitchen where she and Sophia stood.
"Are you surprised, Miss Lillian?" Sophia asked.
"I am," Lillian said. "I am also very pleased," she added, reaching out to give Vincent a hug as he was the closest to her. "Thank-you, all."
The next few minutes were filled with hugs as Gabriel and Lillian hugged and thanked all the children individually. Billy had taken a couple of steps back from Gabriel when he had been released from the initial hug. The boy found himself watching Miss Walsh, half hoping she would hug him but afraid that she might at the same time. It was clear that the woman cared about Vincent, Christian and the others. The boys had said only nice things about her and Miss Bennett.
The problem was, those things did not match up to the experiences that he'd had at other orphanages. Those experiences told him that the women running the orphanage did not care about him as an individual. He was simply another child without a family. Another burden.
However, Miss Walsh had never made him feel like he was a burden.
After Lillian released Mary Louise, she turned to Billy as he stood quietly watching everything. Keeping a bit of a distance between them, Lillian knelt down in front of Billy.
"Thank-you for wanting to do something special for me and Gabriel, Billy," Lillian said told the boy, as she opened her arms to him.
Billy instinctively knew that Miss Walsh wasn't going to force the issue. If he simply replied, "you're welcome," Miss Walsh would leave it at that. He thought about holding out his right hand. Perhaps a hand shake would be adequate for now.
Billy thought about being hugged by Maggie and Mrs. Grant. Miss Walsh had been just as kind to him as they had. He had liked being hugged by the two women. It had made him feel like someone cared about him. He had missed that since his parents had died.
The boy looked around for Gabriel, who was standing not far behind Miss Walsh. Ellie was still in his arms. Billy knew the girl had just recently loss her own parents. Billy couldn't help but feel like she was luckier than him. Ellie had found her way almost immediately to Gabe and this orphanage. He knew she was sad at times, and missed her parents, but Billy had a feeling that she did not feel alone.
That was the hardest part of these last few years. Being alone. Even at the orphanages, he had been alone. He and the other children had simply been trying to make it through. There had not been a sense of fellowship like the children here had felt. Then he had run away and he had truly been alone. He had hated that feeling.
Billy knew he could be just as lucky as Ellie if he wanted to be. If he let them in, Miss Walsh and the others would welcome him into their makeshift family group.
With tentative steps, Billy closed the distance between him and Miss Walsh. Carefully, he put his arms around her. Gently, Lillian enfolded him in her arms.
"Thank-you for making this day special, Billy," Lillian told him softly.
Fighting the urge to relax into the embrace and stay there, Billy moved to take a step back. Miss Walsh didn't try to hold him, releasing him.
"You're welcome, Miss Walsh," Billy told her, with a nod. "Won't you and Gabe be seated, please," he added politely motioning to the chairs.
Lillian got to her feet as Gabriel put Ellie down on the floor. The little girl grabbed his hand and led him to the far side of the table, where Vincent had pulled out a chair. Billy moved down the near side of the table and pulled out the chair for Miss Walsh.
As Gabriel and Lillian sat down across from one another, Sophia and Mary Louise came back in from the kitchen. Each girl carried a plate, which they brought to the table. Placing the plates on the heart place mats, Bill and Vincent lifted the silver lids from the plate.
"Ms. Eleanor helped me and Sophia make cinnamon chicken for you. The others made the vegetables and the pasta dish," Mary Louise informed them.
"I cut out the biscuits for Ms. Winters," Ellie added as Billy opened the bottle of sparkling apple cider with a pop.
"It looks like a wonderful meal," Gabriel replied as Billy poured cider into Lillian's glass.
"Thank you all," Lillian added.
After filling Gabriel's glass, Billy placed the bottle on the table. "Take your time and enjoy your dinner," he told them, as he and the other children headed for the doorway to the sitting room.
"When are you all planning to eat?" Lillian asked, wanting to make sure the children ate as well.
"The children and I are having a picnic in the sitting room," Eleanor informed them, coming in from the kitchen, a serving platter and a big bowl in her hands. Christian, Vincent, and Sophia were close behind, all carrying items from the kitchen. "Word of warning though, I may need help up off the floor. I am not as young as I once was."
"I am always glad to be of service, ma'am," Gabriel stated.
"Don't you ma'am me, young man," Eleanor said, trying to sound annoyed as she slipped around the blanket and into the next room.