Barrel O' Un-Fun

…

Timbre Island was an interesting place to visit for shore leave, a personal favorite of Captain Alfonzo. On Timbre Island, one did not relax in a calm, soothing atmosphere. One partied until one was a nameless heap of clothing splattered against the brick road which bisected the island, preferably without the ability to perceive anything until the next afternoon. What most airmen called a full-time carnival, Timbre Island sported bars, taverns, more bars, shooting galleries, bomb bowling, more bars, race tracks, dance halls, boxing rings, gambling houses, and even more bars which rarely ever seemed closed. The natives lived on a separate island an hour into the wind to isolate themselves from the noise long enough to get some sleep. Ships of any size could be found at the main island's floating dock. The ships of the Fair Traveler company especially preferred this island for shore leave, often comprising most of the visitors tearing the island to pieces for their drunken pleasure. Skyriders ships did not make a regular habit of setting up for shore leave on Timbre Island because it was on the southeast outskirts of Hyrule Kingdom, which was quite a journey from Skyrider Island due to having to take four connecting Sky Lines in order to reach it.

One particular occasion saw the Grand Sails at Timbre Island because it happened to be in the neighborhood after delivering a shipment of steel to its smaller satellite, Quiet Island. Captain Alfonzo announced a day before arrival that they would be putting into Timbre Island for shore leave instead of waiting to get to Tabletop Island two days later. This would allow the Grand Sails to get back to work sooner and keep the crew, who had spent the past month getting into fights with other companies' airmen, from chucking the command staff overboard. The crew met the announcement with rambunctious cheering.

The entire crew could not disembark to have fun. While Captain Alfonzo would enjoy the island later, the first evening that the Grand Sails had spent docked required him to finish some company paperwork, including a catalogue of goods that the Grand Sails had been transporting for the past month. Lieutenant Luke remained on the dock, meeting with seconds from other vessels for the usual scuttlebutt that passed between seconds-in-command. Link and Line, being too far underage to drink or handle potentially deadly weapons, had to remain at the captain's disposal. Other than them and a handful of airmen seeing to the ship's security, the rest of the crew disembarked the airship to find ways to get into trouble. Of note, three Fair Traveler ships and two ships of the Zephyr Sail company were also docked at the island as well, all five of them smaller than the Grand Sails but likely carrying enough airmen all together to pound the Skyriders airmen. The captain could only hope that his airmen behaved themselves; Skyriders and Zephyr Sails were not exactly known for getting along with each other, and Fair Travelers were mean in general.

Link stood next to Captain Alfonzo's desk, double-checking the supply and cargo records he had taken while the captain filled out the required documents. The captain's cabin smelled faintly of smoke as Alfonzo indulged in a bit of pipe tobacco. The cabin door and a rear window was open, and Link stood upwind of the breeze that took the tobacco smoke out of the room.

"Link," Alfonzo said after about two hours of silently pouring over numbers. He held up a small receipt for Link to read. "What's this five heads of cuckoos?"

"Huh?" Link answered as he took the receipt. His eyes scanned it, and he found that the receipt had come from a farm on Rake Island. "I don't know, Captain; I don't recall having any livestock onboard."

"Are you sure, airman?"

"I did all the cargo inventories, and I never saw cuckoos come aboard, Captain." He looked harder at the receipt. Then he pointed at the top. "Airman Ward handled the transaction."

Captain Alfonzo growled. "If there's anything I can't stand, it's having someone undercut business on my ship. Take Line and find him. Tell him I want him here even if his hair's on fire and his underpants are the only thing he hasn't gambled away."

Link saluted. "Aye, sir." Alfonzo dismissed the salute, and Link, after placing the receipt under the pyramid paperweight on the corner of the desk, exited the cabin.

Outside, he found Line descending from the stairs to the lower weather deck. "Hey, Line," he said. "We've got a job to do."

"I was just about to go join Brutes for a game of cards," Line said, indicating the forecastle with a finger.

"Sorry, Line, it'll have to wait," Link said. "The captain wants us to go into town and find Airman Ward."

"What for?"

"We found a receipt for cuckoos we transported, but we haven't had livestock onboard for over a month. The receipt came from our last trip to Rake Island."

Line screwed up his face after Link's explanation. "Okay, I can wait," he said with a dismissive shrug. "Those guys like to cheat anyway; I can lose my pay some other time."

Together, they disembarked and followed the floating docks (called so because their substructure was not built on the island but on a Loft Steam ballast) into the town. Lanterns and electric lights gave life to the main street, trying to make up for the two dozen or so airmen already unconscious on the ground. Their eyes wandered into the various bars and game shops, trying to find any Skyriders which were still conscious and clear enough to talk to. After asking a couple of Skyrider airmen in a bar closer to the docks, they discovered that Airman Ward had moved further into the island looking for a bar he favored. This resulted in a long walk up the steep hill further along the main road. The air at the top of the hill stank of expended gunpowder and rum, and there was not enough breeze to drive the smell away. After a few steps, Link and Line found the Gut Buster.

They remained outside the door because there was a fight in progress. In fact, they pressed their backs against the outer wall after a flying bottle almost bashed into Link's head.

"Well, now what?" Link asked Line across the doorway, wincing at the sound of glass breaking and bodies being thrown about.

"Depends on who's winning," Line replied, his voice loud so Link could hear him. "And… well, who's fighting."

"Can you tell?"

"Uh… hang on." Line then dared to poke his head through the open doorway. When he pulled back, he answered, "It looks like Fair Travelers versus Zephyr Sails. All our guys are huddled in one corner taking bets."

"Do you think we can go in?"

"Oh, yeah, no problem. They're not bothering our guys. Watch." Line, after checking that no one was near the door, stepped inside and walked along the wall towards the Skyrider crew sitting in the far corner.

Link followed after him, and soon, both were standing with their crewmates. "Airman Ward?" Link asked the table.

One man, with a slender build and his red hair cut short, turned around to look at them. "What is it, kid?" he asked in a curious voice.

"The captain wants you back on the ship."

Ward clicked his tongue. "Well, now I know where it went," he said, standing. "Thanks, Link." He turned to the table and said to another airman, "Remember, I put down ten rupees on the Sails."

"Got it," the airman replied.

Ward pushed past them and used their route to reach the doorway. Link elbowed Line. "Come on," he said, "let's get back."

"Hang on a sec, Link," Line said as he took Ward's chair. "I wanna get in on this. What's the minimum?"

"Three rupees," the other airman said.

"Five says the Travelers mop the floor with the Sails," Line told him.

"I still say we're gonna get caught in this," another airman said. "Just watch. We're gonna be fighting in just a few minutes."

Link sighed. "Okay, well, I need to get back."

Line waved him off. "Okay, okay, go."

Link started along the wall back to the door. He had to step over one of the Zephyr Sail airmen who had been left unconscious at the wall. Unfortunately, he stumbled and knocked a chair into the fray. This caused a Fair Traveler airman who had just entered to stumble over the chair and hit the floor with a resounding thud.

As if it was a catalyst, the brawl suddenly ground to a halt as all attention first turned to the fallen airman, and then to Link. Link was frozen in place, fully and painfully aware of the mistake he had just made.

"Yes!" All attention suddenly turned to the Skyrider airman who had made the bet that the Skyriders would be involved in the fight. "I won!" He gazed excitedly at his crewmates. Then, when their horrified looks sank in, he looked back out to the other airmen with shock coloring his face pale. "Oh."

Another Skyrider airman shot to his feet. "Run for it, Link!"

The brawl resumed, but Link barely had time to see it before one of the Fair Traveler airmen grabbed him. Link struggled, but the man, easily three times his size, had him pinned against his chest as fists flew around him. One of his friends brought up an empty barrel from behind the bar and slammed it on the floor in front of Link. The airman dropped Link into it and tipped it over. Link was seeing stars after his head struck the inside of the barrel. Then he braced himself as the barrel rolled. Link could barely tell what was going on, not wanting to glance out of the barrel. Whooping and hollering sounded around him for a bit.

Then Link realized that he was outside again. The barrel stopped, so he ventured a look outside. Three Fair Traveler airmen, all wearing their identifying purple waistcoats, stood above him, looking particularly ominous. Link quickly understood why after turning around, finding that the barrel had been perched at the top of the hill. He gulped and turned back to the airmen. Then he ducked back into the barrel as a bottle shattered against the ground near him.

One kick, and Link was tumbling down the hill.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH—G wah!" At one point, the closed end of the barrel struck something, sending Link into an additional spin which battered him against the inside. Shouting sounded from outside as airman either dodged the barrel or were run over because they could not stand up in time to get away. Link could not tell what they were saying, trying his hardest to stay inside the barrel where he figured he would be safe. He could feel nausea approaching with each revolution, and the punishment his head was taking only made the nausea worse.

The barrel stopped hard against the side of a building, slamming Link into the barrel's interior. His head refused to right itself as he crawled out. Then he did what any disoriented airman would do.

He threw up on the road and collapsed.