The "Un" in "Funeral"

…

Link lay on his back, staring at the lid of the wooden box he rested in. A sack of cherry drops sat on his chest, and he occasionally took one out and popped it into his mouth. As small as the box was, both he and Line found that they could conveniently fit in it as long as they did not mind interlocking their legs with each other. The box, a coffin made for airmen much larger than them put together, had served as their means of dodging out of swabbing duty. At first, Link had been against it. But when Line revealed that he had hidden candy and a lantern in the padding, Link did not mind squeezing in for a bit of relaxation. Line had him convinced that Chief Rota would not expect to look for them in the cargo hold, never mind inside a coffin. Every airship always had a spare coffin or two, although most incidents which claimed airmen's lives tended to warrant a few kind words and a ration of grog thrown over the deck in the hope that it would find the man it was intended for. Link had once asked Lieutenant Luke what would happen if he happened to die while still an airman. Luke had answered "prune juice". It had taken Link a couple of days to pick up on his meaning. And the fact that he probably had not been joking.

"Link!" Line hissed, thrusting his boot in between Link's legs. Link, in surprise, spat out the cherry drop in his mouth. He groaned, cupping his hands over his groin. Line stashed the peanut brittle he had been munching into the lining. "Shut up, Link!"

Link curled up. "That hurt," he growled.

"Just shut up!"

Link managed to bring his groaning under control and listened. He could hear footsteps on the deck and tried to turn so Line's foot was not within strike range again. He spilled his cherry drops, and his knee hit the lantern. Line thrust his foot against Link's butt and quickly grabbed up the lantern before it set fire to the cloth padding.

Link kicked back but missed Line. "Cut it out."

"I said shut up!"

"Stop!"

"Come on, we're gonna get caught!"

Link settled on the far side of the coffin, trying to keep from getting hit again. When the noise inside finally settled, both boys clamped their hands over their mouths when they realized that the footsteps were nearby. They could hear someone grunting as things were moved around. Line signaled Link and held up a finger. When Link realized he was saying that there was an airman on his side, Link signaled back that there was someone on his side, too.

Then the box rose, and both boys braced themselves against the inside as they moved around. "Okay, Gilly, here we go," a voice on the outside said.

"What's going on?" Link breathed to Line.

"I don't know," Line mouthed back. The box tilted, and he almost slid into Link before he pressed his feet harder into the sides of the coffin.

"Whoa, what the hell?" someone on the outside said.

"Yeah, that poor Gilly," the first voice said. "He was always a little bottom-heavy."

"What'd you say he died of?"

"Strung up by a loose stay. By the neck."

"Ugh."

"You know what the worst part is? He wasn't supposed to be on deck. He was just going to get a cup of coffee after reporting to the captain." The back end of the coffin hit something, and Link's head bounced off the side. "Careful with it. It's bad enough his leg fell off."

"His leg fell off?"

"Yeah. When that stay went, he got pulled up to the yardarm and slung around it. You'd never think a leg could get pulled off like that, but the guy was flying! His leg just popped out and fell over the side."

Someone slapped the side of the coffin twice. "Bad day, huh, Billy?"

"Worst ever. You should've seen the letter."

"What letter?"

"From his wife. She ran off with the dog."

"The… the dog?"

"Mmm-hmm. Said the dog was the best thing that happened to her. Last I heard, they got on a circus ship somewhere out west."

"Damn… tough luck."

"And his parents died."

"Ho—… R-really?"

"Someone crashed a junk into their house."

The other voice paused before saying in a shaky voice. "Wha-who did it?"

"Some guy. Carrying a ton of tulips. Happened while he was gone, so his wife wrote to him about it with the news about the dog."

"Well, I—… I guess he's better off, huh?" For a moment, Link thought that the airman was crying.

"Over here, boys." Link and Line exchanged shocked looks. That voice had sounded like the captain. "Just set it next to the bulwark, and we'll get this over with." The coffin clapped on the deck, and Line blew out the lantern. Both boys remained frozen in the dark as the captain began talking. "Men. We are gathered here today to pay our respects to Airman Franklin, one of our most beloved companions. And although that man has departed from this world by some… highly unusual and unspeakable circumstances, our memories of him will continue this journey in his stead. I remember when I first hired him…"

"What's going on?" Line whispered under the captain's speech. "I didn't know anyone died onboard."

"And in a gruesome way," Link answered. "No wonder the captain didn't want to mention it."

"Link! Don't you get it? They think we're the dead guy!"

"Just take it easy," Link told him. "I mean, it's not like they're going to toss us overboard. When they take us back below to stow, we'll just slip out and pack it with a few things. They'll never find out."

They stopped to listen, realizing that the captain had paused. "And now," the captain continued, "we commemorate his body to the skies. We know what it meant to him to sail with us and that his final wish was to be sent to the surface on his passing. Since he did not fall overboard, we can only offer to cast him from his last post to the surface he so desperately wished to see."

"Wait, what?" Line asked.

"Uh oh," Link agreed.

"Okay, boys. Send him over."

They stumbled as the coffin was picked up again. When they felt it settle teetering on something narrow, both boys had the same idea and shoved the lid off the coffin with great force.

"Wait, wait!" they both cried out, holding out their hands as if to reach for safety.

Lieutenant Luke crossed his arms, a smile growing on his face. "Hello, boys," he said in a strained, deep voice. "Nice of you to join us."

"Wha-huh?" Line stuttered while Link turned his head to look around. He tapped Line from behind and pointed over his side of the coffin. Line arched his neck to see that the coffin was not balancing on the bulwark. Instead, it was set on the edge of the hold with Link's end suspended above the stairs. One airman was holding the coffin at the side, grinning as he rocked them.

"Sorry, boys," Luke told them. "You're busted. Dereliction of duty. Two days in the brig, report to the captain, and reduced rations. Either that, or we really toss you two over."

Line looked down at the candy which had spilled all over the bottom of the coffin when they had been picked up. "Can we… finish our goodies first?"