AN: Yes, I am posting again Because I want to share Lillian's reunion with Gabriel with you. I almost posted right after posting 52 last night and managed to convince myself to wait to morning. I hope you all like this. This contains one of my favorite scenes to write though!
As exhausted as he was, Gabriel could not quite let himself fall asleep. He had tried after Nathan had left, but his mind kept catching on different subjects for him to ponder. Should Billy be here tonight or might he be better off with someone else? The way he felt, Gabriel knew he would not be able to do much for the boy. The ride home had zapped much of the energy he'd had this morning. He was glad that Carson was staying through the night. He might not like it, but Gabriel had a feeling he would need the man's help. He did not want to have Carson have to take care of Billy as well. Perhaps he could ask Lillian to keep an eye on Billy again. The thought of Lillian immediately reminded him of his fear about her returning the ring. The necklace she had sent out had been placed on top of his dresser. Gabriel wished he had kept the necklace with him. If she was going to call off the wedding, would she want to watch Billy? Gabriel knew that answer immediately. Lillian had to big of a heart for orphans to not do what was best for Billy no matter how she felt about him.
Perhaps telling her he was quitting the Mounties would be enough to keep her from calling off the wedding. Just like if they would not keep him in Brookfield, Gabriel would choose Lillian over the force without a second thought. Not that he knew what he would do if he quit. Being a Mountie was the only thing he had ever wanted to do. He supposed he knew enough about ranching from growing up on his father's ranch that he could prove useful to one of the local ranchers. Gabriel could not help but wonder how his father would take that after Gabriel had turned his back on the family ranch.
And then Walter had come to mind. Despite the young man having been involved in the ordeal he had put through, Walter had still shown him kindness. Would this have had a different outcome if Walter had not given him the water and food? What if Walter had not put the extra logs in the fire before leaving? What if the young man had not removed the rope from around his neck? If he had moved wrong after Walter had left there would have been no one to loosen the rope. Gabriel felt a chill go up his spine as his nightmare came back to him.
As tired as he felt, his mind refused to calm down. Gabriel felt his chest tighten and his breaths quicken. He had never been one to let anxiety get to him but apparently that was changing. Taking a deep breath, Gabriel let it out slowly reminding himself that he was home and he had people that would look out for him. People who cared about him.
"Where is he?"
Lillian's frantic question cut through the panic and the exhaustion. He found himself wondering if she was just concerned or angry. The only thing keeping him from going out to the other room of his apartment was the fact that he was in his nightshirt. If he appeared as he was currently dressed the one thing he was sure of was that Lillian's face would turn the same color as her hair.
"Resting," he heard Carson reply. Somehow, he could see Carson nodding toward this room as he spoke. "He's fine. He just needs rest."
"Can I see him?"
Gabriel figured Carson had given Lillian his consent as Gabriel heard approaching footsteps. If he hadn't been so tired, he would have at least sat up in the bed to greet his fiancé, not that Lillian gave him too much time to prepare. Lillian was soon entering, not even bothering knocking.
"I was so worried," Lillian told him as she hurried to the bedside. Kneeling down beside the bed, she reached for his hand.
"You heard Carson. I'm fine, and there are no broken bones this time," Gabriel told her, trying to lighten the mood.
"That isn't funny," Lillian told him firmly, looking down at the hand she held.
"It's just abrasions from the rope," Gabriel told her, knowing that she wouldn't miss the bandages on his wrist. He reached up with the hand she wasn't holding and placed it against her cheek. "I know you were scared, Lillian, but I'll be fine. Honest. Knowing that I needed to come back to you is what kept me holding on out there."
"I don't want to wait until June to get married," Lillian told him.
"What?" Gabriel said, his chest tightening with dread as he let his hand fall from her cheek. All he could think of was that his fear was coming true but he also knew that he could not lose her. After everything he had been through, he could not lose Lillian as well. "Lillian, I understand you were scared and I'm sorry I even tried making jokes, but that's no reason to call off the wedding."
Lillian shook her head. "I didn't say call off the wedding. I said I didn't want to wait until June. I want to get married as soon as you feel up to it. I don't want to not know if you get home safely at the end of the day. If you weren't here alone, then we would have known something was wrong sooner. People could have been out looking for you quicker and maybe you wouldn't have been out there alone quite so long. I want to marry you as soon as you feel up to it so that you can come home to me every night."
Gabriel looked up at Lillian, not quite believing what she was saying. He had already been surprised when she had suggested a June wedding. Now she was talking about doing it even sooner.
"Carson," Gabriel called out, his gaze still on Lillian. He could see the confusion in her eyes at him calling for the doctor.
The doctor was soon standing in the doorway to the bedroom. "Is something wrong?" Carson asked.
"I was just wondering if you are totally sure I'm not still delirious, because I could swear I just heard my practical fiance say she wanted to get married as soon as I felt up to it."
"I did," Lillian declared. "I mean it. We can keep it small. I don't need it to be fancy."
"Well, as you have made sense all day, I would say you are not delirious," Carson said, answering Gabriel's question as he stepped further into the room. Walking over to Lillian he put his hand against her forehead. "And it doesn't seem as if Lillian has a fever."
"Is it so wrong to want to marry the man I love?" Lillian asked, sounding exasperated.
"I think Gabriel is just surprised by your sudden desire to rush the process," Carson told her. "So am I. Now, I'm not saying getting married next week is wrong if that is really what you want to do, but the last few days have been hard on everyone. Perhaps, take a day or two and then talk about changing plans."
"I'm not going to change my mind," Lillian declared.
"Then it won't hurt to at least sleep on it," Carson said. "Trust me, Lillian, Gabriel won't be going anywhere between now and tomorrow. I will personally see to that."
Gabriel smiled as he laid his free hand over top of Lillian's hands which hadn't yet let go of his other hand. "I think Carson has a great idea. If you still feel the same way tomorrow, Lillian, I will happily discuss moving up our plans because I love you. I have no problem with getting married quickly if you want to keep things simple but I guarantee you, if we get married without giving my mother a chance to be there, she will never forgive us."
Lillian nodded. "You're right. Your family should be here as should Nathan, though Elizabeth isn't in any condition to be making a trip right now," she sighed. "Maybe I was just being selfish," she added, looking down at their hands.
Gabriel watched Carson slip back out of the room to give him and Lillian a semblance of privacy.
"If wanting to marry the person that you love as soon as possible is selfish, then I'm guilty as well," Gabriel told Lillian. "We can figure this out, Lillian, I promise," he told her. "Just maybe when I'm not feeling so tired."
Lillian looked up to meet his gaze, nodding in reply.
Removing his hand from on top of hers, Gabriel reached out to place it behind Lillian's head. Gently drawing her head closer to him, Gabriel lifted his head off the pillow in order to press his lips against hers. The thought of Lillian was what had kept him holding on while alone in that cabin. Despite the weariness he felt, Gabriel wanted to leave Lillian no doubt about how much he loved her.
Sooner than he would have liked, Gabriel pulled away, resting his head against the pillows, letting his hand fall from behind Lillian's head. Even kissing her seemed to take more effort than it should.
Lillian lifted her right hand, and gently caressed Gabriel's cheek. "I should probably let you get some rest," she said softly.
"I'd like to argue with you about that, but I don't think I have the energy," Gabriel told her. "Can you sit here with me for a bit? I don't want you to go right now."
"I'd be happy too," Lillian told him, lifting the hand she still held in her left hand and kissing it as Gabriel's eyes drifted shut.
Carson allowed Super Intendant O'Reilly to speak with Gabriel after Gabriel had gotten some much needed sleep. O'Reilly informed Gabriel of the decision to place him on two week medical leave, no questions asked.
"Constable Davor will be around to handle anything that comes up," O'Reilly said. "If you need more time, it can be arranged. Take whatever time you need to heal from this Gabriel, physically and mentally. If you are still considering resigning after the two weeks, I want you to talk to me before making it official."
"Is that an order too?" Gabriel asked.
"No, that last part is not an order," O'Reilly replied. "It is a request from a friend and despite the fact that I am your superior, I do consider you a friend, Gabriel. We went through a lot together."
Gabriel nodded. "We did and I am a good Mountie because of what you taught me."
"You got that right," O'Reilly replied with a smile. "I get that you have been through a lot lately. More than some Mounties have to deal with, in their entire career. I just do not want you to make a decision you end up regretting later."
"You sound like Nathan," Gabriel said.
"Nathan Grant is a good friend to have on your side."
Gabriel sighed. "I know. I also appreciate your support as well, Patrick. I promise that I will talk to you before making any official resignation."
"Good," O'Reilly said. "That is the main subject I wanted to discuss with you. We still do need an official debriefing from you, but it can wait. Your doctor warned me not to push you too much."
"Could we discuss that tomorrow morning, sir?" Gabriel requested.
"We can," O'Reilly replied. "I'll stop by late morning tomorrow"
"Thank you, sir," Gabriel replied, holding out his hand.
O'Reilly reached down and shook Gabriel's hand. "Take it easy. There is no rush to hurry back."
Gabriel nodded as O'Reilly released his hand. After saying good-bye to Lillian, the Super Intendant left the room.
"The children will be leaving school soon," Lillian said a few minutes later. "I will go pick Billy up. If he is agreeable to it, I was thinking he could come with me to walk the other three home. Then I will come back here with him."
"That would be fine," Gabriel said. Spotting the doctor in the doorway, Gabriel added, "I think Carson wants to start the torture session. It may be better if Billy is not around for that."
"It is therapy not torture," Carson replied.
"When it hurts to move therapy becomes torture," Gabriel told him. "I know you are just trying to help."
"You can do this. You are strong," Lillian told him softly, leaning over and placing a kiss on his cheek.
"If Carson says I do a good job do I get another kiss when you get back?" Gabriel asked her.
"You can have another kiss later no matter how the therapy session goes," Lillian told him as she started to leave the room.
That evening, Gabriel joined Carson, Billy and Lillian at the dinner table for dinner. Billy had been told he could stay at home. Lillian stayed until Billy's bedtime to help out. Chuck stopped by to walk Lillian back home. Before leaving, she promised Billy that she would come walk him to school in the morning.
Maggie had brought over a folding cot from the infirmary before heading home that evening. Though it made the room crowded, the cot was set up in the bedroom. Billy took the cot as being the smallest and lightest he would be the most comfortable on it. Despite his naps throughout the day, Gabriel was asleep before Billy climbed in bed. Given the long days and lack of sleep of the last few days, Carson climbed in bed at the same time Billy did.
Nightmares disturbed Gabriel's sleep twice that night. The first time, both Carson and Billy were disturbed as Gabriel had tried to sit up upon waking up and his sore muscles protested the action. Though he woke up having trouble breathing with the second nightmare, Gabriel was relieved that he did not disturbed Billy again. As Carson had already gotten up and was getting coffee ready, the doctor's alert ears caught the sound of Gabriel's distressed breathing and was soon at his side.
Talking in hushed tones, trying not to disturb Billy, Carson soon had Gabriel calmed down again. The doctor then helped Gabriel out to the table. Over cups of coffee, Carson was able to get Gabriel to talk about the nightmare, which was a repeat of the night before.
"I have a feeling this dream is less about what you went through, out there and more about your guilt about not being able to convince Walter to step away from the life he is caught in," Carson commented when Gabriel had finished describing the dream ending with Walter being shot. "However, you did what you could, Gabriel. You tried to talk that kid into stepping away and turning himself in. That is all you were in a position to do. You cannot help somebody who does not want to be helped."
"I hear you, Carson," Gabriel said. "I do not even know why I feel responsible. Yes, Walter's mother was shot by a bullet fired by a Mountie but I was not that Mountie. If he had not helped his brother and friends abduct me, I would not know anything about him. From what I understand, I was not the first law officer they abducted. Walter should be brought to justice for those actions, just like the other three and yet . . ."
"Yet, you want to help him," Carson finished. "It is understandable. When young people make bad choices, it is human nature to want to help them instead of writing them off. Perhaps if we were more forgiving of mistakes when people are older, more criminals would really be able to reform. Or perhaps it would not matter. Perhaps reformation is a process that happens within no matter what other people say or do. Right now though, there is nothing you can do for Walter except pray for him."
Gabriel looked down into the half empty mug of coffee. "I know you are right. I still wish there had been more that I could do."
"There wasn't. You did what you could. You tried to help. Despite what you were going through, you tried to help him. It was probably more than anyone else has done. Though it may not have had any immediate effect, perhaps the conversation you had with him will make a difference in the future. He is young. It is not too late for him to turn things around but he has got to make that choice and you need to focus on your own well being, not only for yourself but for Billy and Lillian as well."
Gabriel nodded in agreement, though he did not say anything else but instead took a sip of the coffee.
Reaching out, Carson rested a hand briefly on Gabriel's shoulders before standing up. "I think I will get breakfast started," he said moving toward the stove, leaving Gabriel with his thoughts.