Hey guys, this is not really an action chapter.
This is more of a character focused chapter with a mixing of the original series and divergences.
Here's chapter 3 "Katsuragi"
"When I was a kid, I didn't like adults. They lied, they pretended to be something that they weren't. They manipulated people. And they always wanted something from me. I only hope I didn't become the thing I hated."
– the broken man
Five years ago.
Dr. Page's office.
"Okay, Shinji. How are you doing today?"
As always, the American doctor spoke with a warm faked smile.
"Fine," Little Shinji lied in a low murmur.
The child sat uncomfortably in his chair, feeling small and feeble within the confines of the stale and lifeless white room.
He didn't want to be here, but he didn't want to go back to the mental ward either. Every week he was brought back here to Dr. Page's office, back to the same fake smile. And even here they made him wear the white scrubs from the ward. White, everything always had to be in white.
"That's very good. Now, I hear the nosebleeds have decreased. When was your last one?" Dr. Page asked.
"16 days ago," Shinji answered.
He ran a hand across his face, remembering the time he had nearly passed out in the hall outside his room. The day it had happened, he had started to see things again, he had heard sounds from far off and yet close at the same time. He had been there in the hall, and somewhere else at the same time.
His incidents were a terrifying and strange merging of reality that he could not make sense of. Two sets of senses that bled together in a painting of insanity, a hammering blow to his mind that sent him reeling, and left him untrusting of himself and the world around him.
Then... he would pass out. Perhaps it was better that way, to leave the madness behind and wake up later.
She knew the answer… before… you ever… walked… in the… room.
The thing in Shinji's head stirred again, but where the voice had been painful and audible, it now came weaker, quieter, and as if from a great distance. The voice was distorted and came in little pieces. Still, the lonely little boy flinched at the sensation.
Dr. Page scrawled more notes onto her clipboard, her eyes never leaving him as she did so. She always did that in their weekly meetings, he was like a puzzle to her that could not be solved no matter how hard she tried. She faked another smile his way and reached into her coat pocket pulling out a small prescription bottle.
Placing the bottle of red pills on her desk, Page said, "go on Shinji. It's okay."
She… doesn't care… about you…
"Can… can I have some water?" Little Shinji said slowly.
She stood up and reached into a small refrigerator she kept tucked in the corner of her office, then grabbed a small bottle of cold water for her patient.
"Thank you," Little Shinji murmured as he took the water and scooped two of the red pills into his hand.
NO. Don't… don't take them… Shinji... hide them… under… your tongue...
Little Shinji stared at the red pills in his hand. Page was watching him, she never missed a thing he did. It was unnerving, the doctor's eyes were heavy observant things and he found it hard to breathe under their strain.
Don't… draw anymore... don't remember... just... forget...
Little Shinji slid the pills into his mouth and swallowed them with a long drink of water. Within minutes, the thing in his head settled down. It was not permanent, the voice was never really gone. It would come back; it always came back.
"Now then, let's continue our session for today. I brought you paper and your favorite coloring pencils," Dr. Page said in a falsely sweet tone that made Shinji wince.
The woman pulled the objects from her desk, a single stack of paper followed by a box of coloring pencils.
He hated this part.
Dr. Page called them 'his favorite coloring pencils', but they weren't his. And he didn't want to do this anymore.
He looked at the paper and coloring pencils on the desk, avoiding Dr. Page's gaze.
"Do I have to?" He stammered in a quiet tone.
"Now Shinji, I'm here to help you. I want you to draw me a picture of your dreams," Dr. Page said looking at him unblinkingly.
She always wants something from me, he thought.
The lonely little boy reluctantly grabbed the paper and coloring pencils. Taking his time, he flattened the paper and began to draw for what seemed like the thousandth time.
What emerged on the paper was a crude childlike sketch of a humanoid figure. The figure came into being along the colored lines with only its upper torso, amid a sea of black, and crucified. It was completely white save for its face. The humanoid was massive in size, without meaning to Little Shinji had drawn the silhouette of a woman in the bottom corner, and the humanoid figure towered over her.
The creature was at least the size of a building.
"What's that?" Dr. Page asked as Little Shinji continued to draw, seemingly not yet finished.
"Stick with a point on its end," he whispered in a low voice.
Dr. Page stilled at his answer watching as he moved the red coloring pencil back and forth along the paper.
"... A spear?" she questioned in a tight-lipped controlled voice.
His doctor spoke in a measured tone that made him pause momentarily before he continued wanting to get this over with.
"Don't know," Little Shinji mumbled in a daze, his tone distant and tired.
His face was beginning to pale and his head was throbbing as he forced himself to remember. He moved the coloring pencil letting harsh painful memories guide him, drawing the 'stick with a point on its end' to be impaled upon the humanoid figure's chest. It was drawn all in red, in stark contrast to the white creature.
Dr. Page scribbled more notes into her clipboard furiously.
"That's it," Little Shinji said.
He put down the coloring pencils and looked up at Dr. Page with fatigued gaunt eyes.
Two drops of blood began to drip down from his nose and they ran down his face. He shuddered at the sensation, the nosebleed and the headaches that lingered after he drew.
He watched nervously as Page finished her notes, then took the drawing from him. Another of Shinji's many drawings to be held by the doctor.
Page handed him a tissue without so much as looking at him.
Little Shinji wiped his face and blew his nose, he didn't want to be here.
"That will do, for now, Shinji. I'm very happy to have seen you today," she said. She didn't even look up from her notes.
Present Day
Tokyo-03
Hospital
When Shinji woke, he didn't startle out of bed. He didn't jump, he didn't even flinch, instead, he slowly opened his heavy eyes and stared at the ceiling above him.
I never did like hospitals.
Slowly, he sat up in his bed. His head wasn't hurting anymore, but the last thing he remembered before passing out was the pain and the tears in his eyes. Shinji raised his arm, the arm that the Eva had taken damage on, and found that, of course, his arm was fine.
"It felt so… real," Shinji murmured, remembering the feeling of his arm being nearly ripped off.
He raised his head looking at the empty hospital room he was in. It was white, these rooms were always so white and sterile, so lifeless even when people occupied them.
He had grown to hate rooms like this. He was used to them, but he never liked them. Even in his time in the ward, he and Mari had drawn pictures and taped them all over his private room, the staff hadn't cared because when had they ever cared about anything other than his medicine? At least at first anyway...
Looking outside the window, he could see that it was still very early in the morning. Probably not even six a.m. yet.
Shinji got out of bed and without a second thought, he opened the door to his room and stepped out into the empty hall wearing nothing but his hospital gown.
When the nurse came into the private room, she had been pulling along a cart filled with food trays. She'd been told their newest patient was still unconscious and she had been planning to leave the tray on his bedside as she'd done for countless others.
That had been before she stepped into the room and found that the patient was no longer there.
"What?" the nurse said, startled as she looked around the room.
The nurse walked further in glancing at the small bathroom in the corner. She knocked, but there was no answer. The nurse opened the door, not caring about the patient's privacy for the moment, and found the bathroom empty too.
"Oh. I am so fired…" the nurse said holding up the food tray stupidly as she stood in the empty room.
Shinji wandered the empty halls of the hospital aimlessly.
He didn't know where he was going, he just didn't want to be stuck in another white room. There wasn't many staff around this early, but he did notice two nurses chatting from inside one of the rooms, and when Shinji heard them he froze.
"That poor girl, just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Angel attacks and people always get caught in the crossfire," one nurse said.
"At least she's still breathing. She's lucky to be alive. If the debris had landed a little closer then it'd be another story. The shelters can only do so much. God, some days the job weighs on you," the other nurse said.
Shinji stood outside, leaning against the doorway as the nurses inside conversed. He felt his heart sink at the news that at least one person, probably more, had been hurt during his fight with the Angel.
The boy wearing nothing but his hospital gown hid around the corner as the chatting nurses left their room. The women headed off down the hallway away from Shinji, and he moved.
He turned the corner once they were gone and stepped inside the room.
Inside, he found a small girl laying in a bed unconscious, a respirator having to breathe for her, and wrapped in blankets. She was alive, but she looked like she was in a coma.
Shinji felt sharp pains of guilt and he nearly teared up as he stepped closer. He looked at the girl's patient chart, the kind that nurses left on beds for the doctors to read when they came for checkups.
"Sakura Suzuhara," Shinji read aloud from the patient's chart.
Some paths cannot be altered.
He shuddered at the thing in his head, and he felt an emotion that was his and yet not his. Sadness and guilt, but two-fold, one from him, and one from somewhere else. Shinji felt a tear that didn't belong to him run down his face. He wiped it off and spoke quietly to the wounded girl before him.
"I'm sorry…"
Before he turned, leaving the girl to her room.
…
Shinji wandered aimlessly again, avoiding the hospital staff until he found the stairwell.
He didn't really know where he was going. He wanted to clear his head, especially after learning that even doing everything he could to minimize the damage to the city, people had still been hurt. He climbed the stairs until he eventually found himself on the roof of the hospital.
Once he was there, he didn't know what to do.
So Shinji took a seat and watched the morning sky. He never liked hospitals. But now, thinking about that girl filled him with mixed emotions that he didn't fully understand.
The sun was rising and as it did, Shinji watched the buildings of Tokyo-03 emerge from the thin layers of darkness that had covered the city at night.
"That building… that's where we fought," Shinji murmured to himself.
He could see the small army of construction vehicles and workers in the distance setting up shop. The construction workers were inspecting the building with a large tunnel-like 'hole' cut out of its side. The building that the Angel had collided into when Shinji had kicked it.
How did I do that? It's like my body knew what to do on its own.
It was all you, you'd be surprised how much you can actually accomplish. I only pushed you in the right direction.
Shinji flinched and took another deep breath. The small twinges of pain from within his skull came whenever the thing in his head stirred. They unnerved him, and they had been coming back more and more lately. The voice speaking more frequently.
"I'm going crazy again," he murmured somberly. The lonely boy put his arms around himself tight, curling into himself as he shuddered at the thing inside his head. This foreign aspect of his mind that haunted him and had done so since he was a child.
You're not crazy, Shinji. You never were.
"Need my pills."
Don't take them anymore. They mess with your head.
Shinji only shook his head. He looked back up at the buildings being repaired in the distance and wondered what else had happened during his fight with the Angel.
Strangely, he could remember the whole thing almost the instant he'd woken up. He could remember debris flying through the night sky as the Eva and the Angel fought, remembered street lights and power lines being ripped from the ground and sent flying into the air… where had they landed? What had they hit?
The others will tell you that it's not your fault. But you won't believe them.
"That girl?" Shinji whispered slowly.
You killed the Angel, what would have happened if you had failed? Suzuhara wouldn't even be alive, at least here there is hope for the future.
"That doesn't make me feel better. Damn it, I'm talking to it again. I'm not supposed to talk to it," Shinji murmured angrily.
Next time will be different, you'll see.
"Next time?" Shinji whispered to himself… and the thing inside his head. They were going to make him pilot the Eva again, weren't they? That was why his father had sent for him.
Rei. Think of Rei.
Even if I don't pilot they'll just make her do it instead… Shinji thought, remembering the image of the heartless nurses pushing a stretcher with a wounded girl towards the Eva.
"Damn him," Shinji said to himself. And to think, he had wanted to see his father again…
Yes, damn him. You're doing well. Don't trust Gendo.
He instinctively reached for his bag, instinctively made to grab his red pills, but of course, all he had was his hospital gown and the morning sky above him.
"Shut up. Just… just leave me alone," Shinji said holding his head, it had started to throb painfully the moment the voice had stirred again.
You really want to be alone?
Shinji didn't speak. No one had ever asked him that question before, and his heart seemed to slump at the question for reasons he didn't know.
Do. You. Want. To. Be. Alone?
"Go away... " Shinji whispered aloud into the empty air.
Then, just as suddenly as it had stirred, the thing in Shinji's head vanished. The voice disappeared and his head stopped throbbing. Just like that, no pills at all.
He truly was alone.
Shinji felt the wind blow across his body, felt himself shiver at the cold, but he was used to the cold by now. He knew he should probably leave, but he didn't want to go back to that room again.
"Okay, he's a small teenage boy. Around 14 or so, he was brought in with a severe nosebleed and reports of trauma. Black hair, oh and he should still be in his hospital gown," the nurse was saying to the security guards on duty.
She'd given up on trying to find the missing patient on her own and had instead bitten the figurative bullet, and informed her higher-ups. They had then proceeded to enlists the hospital security's aid.
"Okay ma'am, anything else we should know?" one of the security men said.
"Ah… yes. His medical records show that he… um… the boy is… well… he's... troubled," the nurse said trying to find the right wording.
The security men looked at her blankly, the nurse sighed and leaned in close to whisper what Shinji's medical records showed.
"He's retarded?" one of the men asked.
SLAP
The security guard flinched as the nurse struck him.
"No! He's not mentally disabled! And even if he was, we do not call people that anymore!" the nurse said growing angry at that term.
"Ma'am, you just told us he spent five years in the looney bin. The madhouse," the man said, clutching his cheek where the nurse had slapped him.
"Yes, but everyone deserves common decency. He is... he was diagnosed with Schizophrenia as a child. A former Schizophrenic," the nurse made sure to clarify.
"Lady, is the kid slow or not? We need to know what we're dealing with," another guard said.
"No! He's fine... he has normal intelligence he's just... troubled. Look, the point is that he's missing and we need to find him," the nurse said.
"Alright, alright, we'll look around. Only hope the weirdo isn't spaced out somewhere," the security guard who had been slapped said. The man left the nurse and her scowl behind.
Nerv
Commander Ikari's Office
Gendo Ikari picked up the phone impatiently.
"What is it? I am very busy," Gendo scowled into the phone.
"Commander Ikari, we have a call from the hospital. Should I patch them through?" the Nerv technician said through the phone. The poor woman was absolutely terrified at bothering the commander of Nerv himself.
"Go ahead," Gendo replied coldly.
There was an audible clicking sound that Gendo detested before a new voice was patched into his call.
"… Mr. Ikari, this is the hospital calling. I'm sorry to inform you that your son is currently missing."
Gendo considered that for a moment, before replying "how?"
"The nurse found his room empty, we don't think he's gotten very far but we felt it prudent to inform you and to ask if you could come quickly. Given Shinji's history, it might be better if a friendly face was looking for him to-"
"No," Gendo cut in simply.
"I… I'm sorry?"
"I can't be bothered by this nonsense. I trust in your ability to find a single missing patient, a child at that. We will send someone for the boy in a few hours," Gendo Ikari said.
"Sir… he is your-"
"Is there anything else?" Gendo cut in harshly.
"… no. That is all," the voice on the other line said in barely a whisper.
Gendo hung up the phone.
"That was rude," another voice called suddenly.
Gendo looked up to see his 'partner', Deputy Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki, standing in the doorway of his office.
"I do not have the time nor patience to be kind,'" Gendo replied as his second in command stepped inside.
"Hmm, a good thing you are the commander then and not the director of public relations. You know they're having a field day with this. They actually have something positive to do for once. I have instructed them not to release your son's name to the general public, but Nerv has a higher approval rating as of the last Angel incursion," Fuyutsuki said.
Gendo considered that. It was one of his most defining characteristics, he was a sharp man, he never missed a thing, his cold personality and methods allowed him to see things on a bigger picture instead of the smaller more mundane problems. A man who looked after the fleet and not a single ship.
"I am aware. Was there something you needed?" Gendo asked.
Fuyutsuki was perhaps the only living person who could be said to know and speak with him on a regular basis. Gendo could not call them friends, for he knew that Fuyutsuki did not particularly like him, but they worked well together.
"Dr. Akagi was asking to see Shinji's files again. His sync ratio during the incident was remarkable, to say the least. Though, I suspect there is very little that his files could do to explain his compatibility with Unit 01," Fuyutsuki said.
Gendo shook his head saying, "Dr. Akagi is denied access to Shinji's medical files."
"Is that wise? The boy's file on record is not exactly... complete. I doubt any harm could come from 'that' file anyway," Fuyutsuki said softly.
"Dr. Akagi is useful, but she is too curious for her own good. She has more to worry about than a single pilot," Gendo countered offhandedly.
Fuyutsuki raised an eyebrow and gestured to the file on Gendo's desk.
The documents that were not kept on record for the general public or even Nerv itself, the complete and uncensored records that only a select few had ever seen. Shinji's files over the course of five years worth of medical examination, psychological evaluation, blood work, and multiple MRI scans of the boy's brain.
"May I?" Fuyutsuki asked.
"You may," Gendo said as Kozo Fuyutsuki, former professor of metaphysical biology at Kyoto University, reached into the folder containing Shinji's real files and pulled out a single photo of the boy's MRI. A brain scan.
Holding the results of the scan, Fuyutsuki shook his head in awe. Gendo had had a similar reaction many years ago on the day he had first seen the results for himself.
"Truly remarkable. Yet from what we understand of the Evas, this should have stopped the boy from being able to pilot," Fuyutsuki said frowning.
"Yet he piloted anyway. Piloted better than most," Gendo said simply, not the least bit impressed despite the contradiction that was Shinji Ikari's brain.
Fuyutsuki gave him a disappointed glance, the excitement of a scientist that Gendo no longer shared.
I see the look in your eye, Kozo. The answer is no. I do not have the time to be awed or curious. The boy is an asset, one that we have a use for, Gendo thought.
"Hmm," Fuyutsuki breathed with a nod, seeming to know what his superior was thinking.
Gendo held out his hand, and Fuyutsuki reluctantly handed the only known existing copy of Shinji's MRI results back to him.
"Was there anything else?" Gendo asked.
"Yes, SEELE expects to speak with you within the hour," Fuyutsuki said.
Gendo considered that. The cold man's face was unreadable as always, then he answered.
"I will speak to them shortly."
That was about as polite as a 'goodbye' as Gendo would ever give. Fuyutsuki bowed respectfully and left the man to his office, left the man to study his son's MRI.
The Hospital
The door to the roof opened and Shinji turned to find a security guard standing in the doorway, followed closely by a nurse wearing a pair of scrubs.
The man scowled at the sight of a fourteen-year-old patient, sitting alone on the roof, and wearing nothing but his hospital gown.
"Hey there, don't freak out. Just stay right there," the security guard said.
Shinji watched as the man called someone on his radio, saying that he'd found the missing kid. The security guard pocketed his radio, then turned back to Shinji. The man didn't put on a fake smile, Shinji gave him that much. The guard did not pretend.
"Okay. You need to come with us," The security guard said slowly.
Shinji got to his feet as the nurse stepped past the security guard and strode towards him.
Why do they always do that? It doesn't mean anything... Shinji thought.
The nurse had done the thing all adults did when they knew about his head problems, she gave him that same fake sad smile, the smile that meant he made them nervous. Shinji noticed the way she walked towards him, the way she knelt and made to grab his hand.
Only Shinji pulled his hand away from the nurse as she spoke.
"Hello there, Shinji. You gave us quite the scare," the nurse said kindly. She was a young woman, maybe younger than Misato, with brown hair and kind eyes.
"I just wanted some fresh air… I don't like hospitals," Shinji said turning from the nurse's gaze.
"I see, I can understand that. But we need you to come with us back to your room. Is that okay? You didn't even eat your breakfast. Aren't you hungry?" the nurse said in a warm friendly tone. She knelt down slightly as she spoke as if she was talking to a toddler.
He'd heard the tone in her voice before, and he never liked it.
"Stop that," Shinji said suddenly.
The security guard stirred and the nurse froze.
Shinji turned and stared directly back at the nurse before him. She meant well, but he still didn't like that tone. He had spent years in the ward, but he had been deemed healthy. Had been deemed responsible enough to handle his own medication, how many patients could say the same? Yet people still treated him different, the stigma that comes from having mental health issues.
Hell, he'd been deemed responsible enough to pilot a giant robot and use it to kill an Angel.
"I'm not a child. And I'm not going to have a breakdown. I'm sorry for leaving my room, I'll go back with you now," Shinji said to the nurse and security guard.
In his head, Shinji imagined himself cool and collected, standing tall before the adults and their attempts to keep him calm. In reality, Shinji thought he sounded sad more than anything else. He didn't tower over them, and he wasn't cool, he was awkward and shorter than both of them.
"Let's go," Shinji said avoiding their gaze before they could say anything. He started towards the door and didn't bother waiting for the nurse to catch up to him.
The security guard made way for him down the stairs and kept a close eye on him. Shinji said nothing as they walked down.
Making it back down into the halls, Shinji stopped at the sight of Rei Ayanami laying in a stretcher being pushed along by the hospital staff.
Always in a stretcher, why is she always like this? Why is she always hurt?! Shinji thought.
Rei lay still but awake, as the nurses moved her along.
Before the nurse or security guard from earlier could stop him, Shinji followed after them. He didn't stop to think, Mari had always told him that he thought too much, and instead, he found himself in front of Rei's stretcher and the staff blocking their way forward.
"Young man, shouldn't you be in your room?" one of the nurses said. The nurses in question were forced to stop the stretcher before Shinji.
"I… I will be," Shinji said awkwardly. He hadn't thought this far ahead, and he didn't know why but he had wanted to see Rei again.
The girl in question only looked up at him with emotionless eyes behind her bandages. She didn't speak, she only stared at him.
"Rei… I… are you okay?" Shinji stammered before he forced himself to meet Rei's eyes. The nurses who had been pulling the wounded girl's stretcher paused at the concern in his voice, and they exchanged a look.
Rei paused at that before answering, "my body will recover."
The way she talks. So empty and flat… he thought. The pale girl's voice was as low as a whisper, a soft gentle thing.
Shinji scowled saying, "that's not the point. They shouldn't have tried to make you do it, but... I..."
He found himself losing steam as he remembered forcing himself to pilot Eva Unit 01, he had only done it because he hadn't wanted Rei to get hurt. That had seemed cruel on Nerv's part, and part of him wondered if Gendo had wanted him to see her in that state.
Regardless, he could tell that Rei was in real pain the day of the attack.
"I'm sorry that you got hurt," Shinji said, calming down but finding it hard to look at the girl and her wounds.
"Hey there! Where are you running off to now!" the security guard was calling as he and the nurse from earlier came striding after Shinji.
He glanced back, he knew they'd be angry he'd run off like that again. He knew they'd force him to stay in his room again.
Shinji quickly turned back to Rei and took her hand in his. He was careful not to hurt her any further in her fragile state.
She tilted her head at him, glancing at their hands.
"I hope you get better soon. Goodbye Rei," he said before letting go of her hand and turning to head back the way he came.
He felt Rei's eyes on him as he moved, and he wasn't sure what to make of it.
As Shinji was leaving, heading back to the security guard and nurse from earlier, he noticed Rei's nurses looking at the two teenagers. One of the nurses smirked and she mouthed the words 'young love' to her coworker.
It's not like that… Shinji thought annoyed. A second later, the security guard muttered, "damn teenagers and their hormones."
He scowled, stupid adults always thinking that they knew everything.
Hours later
Misato Katsuragi signed the paperwork for Shinji's release from the hospital.
The hospital clerk gave her the room number. Collecting Shinji didn't take long, he only changed into some street clothes and grabbed his things before they headed out.
Amazingly, her car was still in working order despite the damages from the attack. Shinji hadn't seemed to care about the disastrous shape of her car, which was nice she supposed.
And I only had one more payment left… damn Angels, the older woman thought as she drove on with her passenger.
Misato was surprised at how quiet the boy was, but then again even during the Angel attack, he hadn't gone out of his way to speak much.
"So, I heard you gave the hospital quite the scare? You feeling rebellious? Wanted to go find some liquor and maybe a pretty girl?" Misato teased while she drove.
That seemed to wake the boy up. He snapped up to attention from the passenger seat saying, "what? No, I don't- I don't drink."
Misato chuckled saying, "I did when I was your age. It's okay, you know. I get it, everybody is a bit rebellious when they're a teen. Good times."
"I'm not a rebel," Shinji said looking away.
"And what's this I hear about you putting the moves on Rei? Nice work, you two be careful now, you may be pilots but you're still pretty young. At least use protection," Misato teased giving him a good playful slap on the arm.
She beamed as Shinji actually blushed and opened his mouth to speak, couldn't find the words, and instead stammered out "no. That's not what happene- I… it's not like that."
Dear god, this kid is a comedy gold mine, Misato thought. She couldn't stop the smirk emerging on her face.
"Stop smirking," Shinji said, but she caught the hint of a smile on his lips regardless.
"Alright, I get it. Young love and all. But seriously, what you did was brave. Rei was in no condition to pilot," Misato said.
"I know," Shinji said looking away again.
What's up with that? Every time people try to compliment him he looks away? He killed a freaking Angel but he's shy?! This kid is a COMEDY GOLD MINE! Misato thought grinning.
"I don't like the way you're smiling," Shinji said looking at her with a soft smile on his face.
He never smiles much. I'm glad I can make him laugh, Misato noted.
"Oh, be afraid Shinji. Be very afraid," Misato teased.
Later
Apartment Block
"You can't be serious?" Misato said, frowning at the Nerv officer before her.
Shinji stayed silent.
"I am completely serious. Shinji Ikari has been assigned a place in Nerv's apartment complex. He is to be the only resident. Look, I don't make the rules. I just document what's needed. Can you sign here?" the Nerv officer said.
The man in question held up a clipboard impatiently, a single line of text that Shinji's appointed guardian for the time being needed to sign. Misato held the pen in her hand but hesitated.
She turned to Shinji and saw the boy staring ahead at nothing in particular. She got the feeling that he sometimes spaced out like that.
"I don't mind. I'm used to being alone," was all Shinji had said.
Used to being alone? What the fuc- he's a kid, Misato thought, frowning.
"What about his father? Why can't he just live with him? Does Gendo even know about this?" Misato began. Only for Shinji to speak up so quickly that he startled both Misato and the Nerv officer.
"No," Shinji said, his eyes wide.
The two adults stared at the teenager before them.
"I don't want to live with Gendo. He doesn't want me to live with him. No… just… no," Shinji said not meeting their eyes.
"See, the kid is into it. Sign on the dotted line please," the Nerv officer said impatiently.
Misato turned back to the man and scowled.
"I will not," she said.
"Excuse me?" the Nerv officer said confused.
Misato crossed her arms saying, "add him to my residence. I was appointed his guardian for the time being anyway. I'll settle any paperwork."
The Nerv officer met Misato's gaze, and the man seemed to sense that she would not back down. The man sighed and nodded saying that he would do as she asked, but that she would need to notify the higher ups.
...
Ten minutes later
Shinji stood watching his appointed guardian hurriedly talk on the phone. He didn't know what to make of this. Why had she gone out of her way like that? Why had she taken on a burden like him?
Now I feel bad that she doesn't know about my health issues. She'll find out sooner or later, and then everything changes… he thought.
As Shinji brooded, Misato spoke with Dr. Akagi over the phone so loudly that the boy could hear almost every word of their conversation.
"What do you mean you have to cancel? Do you know how long it takes me to get a day off work? And taking in Shinji? What in the world are you thinking!" Ritsuko Akagi practically yelled over the phone.
"I'm sorry, but we can go bar-hopping some other time. It just kinda happened, I already sorted it out," Misato was saying as Shinji stared.
"He was given an apartment. Why didn't you let him take it?" Ritsuko asked over the phone.
"I couldn't leave him there like that. Besides, how bad could it be? I've had worse roommates before. And don't worry I won't be making any passes on him," Misato giggled.
Shinji tilted his head. Misato was a very strange adult indeed.
"Of course you're not! How could you even think of such a thing?! He's a goddamn kid! Have you no shame!-" Ritsuko started yelling over the phone again.
Misato flinched back muttering "some people can't take a joke."
I can hear everything you two say, Shinji thought.
"Misato! This is a bad idea. You don't know how to take care of a kid. Especially a kid like Shinji. Have you even seen his file? Listen, you really shouldn't look after someone with his condit-"
CLICK.
Misato gasped as the phone call was abruptly ended.
The line went dead and the phone rang a generic tone in response.
Misato looked up and saw that Shinji had walked over and tapped the end-call button. He had moved so quietly that she had never even noticed him until she'd heard the phone click. She blinked at him in surprise.
Shinji had hung up her phone mid-conversation. Ritsuko would not be happy.
"She was yelling," was all Shinji said.
The boy turned, heading back for Misato's car. Without even glancing back, he said: "don't we need to get groceries?"
Misato laughed.
The balls on this kid, she thought with a smirk.
Misato's apartment
"Well, here we are. Home sweet home!" Misato said loudly. She and her new roommate stood in the doorway, carrying their recently acquired groceries, and by groceries that meant mostly instant food and beer.
Shinji hesitated, saying "I don't want to intrude."
Misato sighed.
"Shinji, this is your home now."
"Okay," the boy said stepping inside… only to be surprised when Misato flipped the light switch revealing a reasonably sized apartment that was completely littered with trash.
Empty beer cans, trash, various assortments of recyclables, all piled out and littered around the apartment with no trashcan or bin in sight. Shinji blinked in surprise as he took in the mess.
"Oh yeah, sorry the place is a bit messy. But make yourself comfortable," Misato said casually.
A bit messy? This is unlike anywhere I've ever stayed. The ward was always so sterile, empty, and white. Teacher's house was small but comfortable. Here? There's so much trash… It's kinda funny, Shinji thought.
"Hey, can you put the groceries in the fridge?" Misato called as Shinji walked further in exploring the place.
"Sure," Shinji answered as he found the fridge.
He opened it to find nothing but beer, ice, and more instant food.
She doesn't have any 'real' food? he thought with a chuckle. Shinji hadn't spent much time in the outside world, but he remembered watching TV in the ward when the staff let him. And in the TV shows it was the teenagers whom only ate instant food, not the adults.
Without being asked, Shinji cleared the table and cleaned the kitchen up a bit so people could walk through it easier. It was a thing he'd learned to do from his time in the ward, it had been a part of his good behavior that the doctors had noted.
As he was cleaning, he noticed something moving on the floor and turned to see… a penguin walking past the kitchen. Shinji stared at it, surprised when it turned to stare back at him.
'What are you looking at?' the penguin seemed to say.
"Misato! You're not going to believe me but there's a… there's a penguin in your kitchen," Shinji called not believing his eyes.
"Oh, that's just Pen-pen. He's our other roommate. Did he give you 'the glare'? That's just how he says hi," Misato called laughing.
"Okay," Shinji said slowly, he wasn't sure what to make of that.
He turned only to see Pen-pen click a button near the fridge, which seemingly opened another compartment a little bigger than the penguin, and he watched as Pen-pen stepped inside before closing the specialized refrigerator compartment.
"I don't think he likes me," Shinji muttered.
…
Shinji didn't talk much as Misato made dinner for them, and for her, that meant taking the minute or two to heat up the instant food, grab a cold beer for herself and a glass of water for Shinji.
"Ah, that hits the spot," Misato was saying as she took another sip of her cold beer.
Shinji watched the older woman across the table from him drink, and drink, she truly was unlike any other adult he'd ever known. She even dressed differently than the other grownups.
"What's wrong, don't like the food?" Misato said, noting that her new roommate had barely eaten.
"No, it's not that. I was never allowed to eat food like this. I like it, I guess I just feel bad that you had to buy it for us. I don't have any way to pay you back," Shinji said. As he spoke, he looked down at the food wondering how much it had cost.
His entire life since his mother had died had been spent in either the mental ward, Dr. Page's office, or else at his teacher's house. He had no money. Shinji supposed he could try looking for a kind of job where they'd let him work, maybe save up and pay Misato back for the food. But that raised another problem in the boy's mind, how would he keep paying for his food? Misato was nice but it seemed wrong to take her money like that. And his room? Would Gendo pay for that? This was proving to be more difficult than Shinji had first imagined.
Misato laughed saying "this your home, feel free to take advantage of anything here. Except for me of course," she finished with a wink.
Shinji blushed and nearly choked on his food, stammering "what? I wouldn't do that I promise."
She only laughed again.
Honestly, she's worse than Mari ever was, Shinji thought with a sad smile.
"By the way, you will be getting paid for being a pilot," Misato said snapping Shinji out of his thoughts.
"What? I am?" Shinji said surprised.
"Yup, it's being put into an account because you're still too young to hold it all by law. But you're not doing this for free. We can get an allowance of some money for you every week or so if you want," Misato said taking another sip of her beer, she'd already finished her instant food.
Shinji considered that.
"I didn't pilot because I wanted money. I just didn't want Rei to get hurt," he said slowly.
Misato stared at him for a long time after that. Her gaze growing surprisingly serious before she spoke again.
"I know. That's pretty brave for a kid. Well done," she said honestly.
"Hey, Misato… can I ask you something?" Shinji said suddenly. The boy's demeanor darkened considerably as he spoke.
"Hmm?" Misato asked frowning at the change in the young boy.
"When I fought the Angel. There was damage to the city. What happened to the people that got hurt during the fight?" Shinji asked still not looking at her.
"They were taken to the hospital. Nerv keeps a record for public relations and a ton of other reasons. Apart from that, it's really up to the hospitals but as I understand it, Nerv does help with the bills," Misato said, paraphrasing one of the only pamphlets she'd read before taking this job.
"When I was in the hospital, I saw a girl that had been hurt during the attack. I know I shouldn't feel bad; I know people will tell me it's not my fault. But I can't help but feel that it is…" Shinji said speaking in a low soft voice.
He never met her eyes as he spoke. He realized that he did that a lot, and no doubt Misato noticed.
Misato put her beer down. She took a deep breath as if she had not been expecting that.
"It's not your fault, Shinji. You did the best that you could. All I can say is... next time things will be different. Nerv and the united nations have put a lot of thought into Angel attacks. Last time caught us off guard and we weren't ready," Misato said doing her best to sound mature and wise despite the light buzz she felt.
Shit, I'm doing a terrible job at this... Misato thought.
I've heard this speech before already. The thing in my head was right, on that rooftop earlier. I don't believe it, Shinji thought.
"You still saved the city. You saved Rei, Ritsuko, me, everyone in Nerv and Tokyo-03." Misato said slowly.
Shinji nodded but said nothing.
Misato sighed saying "shit. Sorry, Shinji, I'm not great at this 'being an adult' thing. I understand if you don't like it here."
"I like it here," Shinji said suddenly.
Misato blinked as something seemed to change in Shinji, he looked up at her and met her eyes as he spoke. Never once breaking her gaze, not even to blink.
"I like you the way you are," the boy said suddenly.
"What?" Misato said slowly. She'd been trying to apologize for not being what he expected, and now he had her stammering in surprise. What a strange day.
"You're not like the other ones," Shinji said slowly. He turned his gaze away from her and stared off into space again.
"Other ones?"
"Adults. I don't like adults. They lie, they pretend to be something they're not. They pretend to like me when they don't. They manipulate people. And they always want something from me. I don't like adults," Shinji said.
Again, he avoided her gaze as he spoke. He just stared off at nothing in particular instead.
The way he talks… no kid should sound so mature… so observant... Misato thought with a frown.
Suddenly Misato felt a wave of guilt wash over her. It made her frown uneasily as she thought about the fact that she did 'want' something from him. She wanted him to pilot Eva Unit 01 because he was perhaps the only one who could at the moment. After all, Shinji had completely broken the sync ratio records for a few seconds in the last Angel attack.
The boy had achieved a sync ratio of 91%. No one, not Rei, and not even the prodigy pilot from Germany had ever reached a sync ratio even close to that high.
"I know you think that's wrong because you wanted me to pilot the Eva, but you never lied to me about that. You didn't even know until we reached the hangar. I don't like adults… but you're not like that. You don't pretend. You don't lie," Shinji said finally turning to meet her eyes.
"I like you," he said at last.
And at that moment, Misato saw it. Something that didn't make sense. When Shinji had spoken at that moment, his eyes changed from that of a child's to a much older man's. The eyes of a man tired of the world, a kind of man who had seen what life had to offer, and was not impressed.
No child should be capable of having such eyes.
"Heh, I don't know what came over me. But I like it here. Anyway, it's getting late and I should go to bed," Shinji said getting up from the table.
The moment was over it seemed, the flash of maturity gone, and Shinji was once again a mere teenager with the timid eyes of youth.
"Night," Misato said staring after the boy as he headed for his room.
What a weird kid, Misato thought, taking another drink of her beer and smiling to herself, her new roommate sure was an interesting one.
Long I know, but I wanted to focus more on Shinji as a character and his new relationships with Misato and even Rei.
Those files will come up again.
As I've said before, this fic will follow the cannon for awhile before diverging and we're starting to see that now. In the future, I might brush some of cannon events to the side and jump further ahead to tell more of 'my' humble story.
Thanks for Reading and please Review. I'm always happy to hear feedback.