Hey guys, I'm back. This isn't much of an action chapter.
Another character focused one, Shinji is still Shinji after all.
It might appear a bit gloomy, but not forever. Part of Shinji's growth is learning how to overcome the dark, so stick with it
Here's chapter 4 "Burden"
"As you get older, you start to see that the world isn't that nice. Bad things happen, but you can't blame everything on yourself. It's too much for one person to take, too much of a burden to carry, you'll explode if you do. I know that better than anyone."
- the broken man
In the days that followed the Angel attack and Shinji's incident at the hospital, the young boy fell into a rhythm of sorts. Daily tests and simulation runs with the Eva, closely monitored by Ritsuko and the other Nerv staff, splitting chores with Misato at home, and by splitting that meant mostly Shinji, and heading to school.
Misato kept an eye on him, she was his legally appointed guardian for the time being, but she noticed that there really was something odd about him. For one thing, the other Nerv staff wondered why Shinji kept piloting the Eva even under the simulations.
Shinji never seemed to enjoy piloting at all. The boy barely even seemed to care, always following instructions during the tests and at times clearly bored.
However, the contradiction remained that during the last attack Shinji Ikari had achieved a sync ratio of 91%. The young pilot had only been able to maintain that sync ratio for 12.3434343492 seconds according to the analyzed data via the Magi supercomputers, a truly remarkable feat… for someone who didn't seem to want to pilot at all.
Misato filled out her reports, but her thoughts on her new roommate continued to confuse her.
He was so young, yet at times he seemed mature and well thought, hell even more than she did and she was an adult. Yet at other times, Shinji Ikari was an awkward, shy boy who couldn't even meet Misato's gaze. She could make him blush with the smallest tease, but she also remembered his words at dinner when he had first moved in. Shinji didn't like adults, but he liked her. And the way he'd spoken, the way his eyes changed, it was like looking at a different person.
What a strange kid.
Misato had even given him access to a weekly allowance of his funds from piloting Unit 01, and the boy had barely bought anything with his new found money. The only thing Shinji spent money on was buying better food for the two of them, not just the instant stuff that Misato lived off of. She couldn't deny that he was a good cook; her diet had become increasingly healthier since Shinji started cooking for them.
Shinji did not watch TV or play video games like other kids his age. Instead, he only seemed to fall into his routine and stick to it, he even mentioned in passing that he "didn't mind cleaning." What kind of teenager doesn't mind cleaning?
So she'd gotten him a phone… a phone that Shinji never used. Not a single call, not from anyone even at school as far as she could tell. The boy seemed to have no friends at all. It made her wonder if she was doing something wrong.
Not that she minded having Shinji around, the apartment was noticeably cleaner with the young boy's presence. Her breakfast meals were indeed a vast improvement when she often found Shinji up and cooking while she was still barely getting out of bed.
What kind of kid gets up early in the morning? Misato had thought.
"When I was his age, I was a mess, hated chores," she muttered to herself.
Misato sat at her desk shuffling through yet more paperwork. She sighed as she heard the phone ring, she glanced at the caller ID and saw that it was Ritsuko. She felt herself smirk, ever since Shinji had hung up Misato's call last time, Ritsuko had seemed a bit angry with her. They often passed each other at Nerv headquarters but had barely spoken at all lately.
"Hello, I'm glad you remember that we're friends," Misato teased answering her phone.
"Friends don't hang up on each other mid-conversation," Ritsuko answered with an annoyed tone.
"Hehe, don't tell me you're still mad about that. You were yelling, and I think you gave poor Shinji a headache," Misato laughed into her phone.
"... Shinji was there?" Ritsuko asked slowly.
"Yup, look. Shinji hung up the phone. Don't be mad at him, he had just gotten out of the hospital, and I get the feeling that those places freak him out. Besides, you gotta learn to take a joke. But then again, that's why you have me, your one and only friend," Misato said, ending with a small tease.
Ritsuko considered that. The silence stretched for so long that Misato put her pen down, and frowned.
"Hello? Ritsuko? You still there?"
"... my one and only friend who ditched me on my only day off in weeks," Ritsuko said finally. Misato could hear the doctor taking a whiff of a cigarette even over the phone.
"Oh come on, that's not fair. They were going to make the kid live alone," Misato whined.
"They would have given him an apartment," Ritsuko countered softly.
"Let it go. And besides, I'll take you bar-hopping some other day," Misato said.
"Yes, yes you will," Ritsuko said smugly over her phone.
Bet she's smirking that stupid smirk of hers. Miss smarter than everyone in the room. Ahhh she'll never change, Misato thought. But then again, who was Misato to judge? Without Ritsuko, she probably wouldn't have made it through college.
"Speaking of Shinji, how are things going with the new roommate?" Ritsuko asked.
"Oh, okay I suppose. He's an odd kid, doesn't act his age for sure. He cleans the apartment without complaining and goes to school, or else to Nerv for testing. Not much else," Misato said with a yawn.
He's also a comedy gold mine, so easy to tease. Too bad Ritsuko can't take a joke, Misato thought with an offhand chuckle.
"Misato... has Shinji done anything strange or abnormal since he moved in?" Ritsuko asked suddenly.
"What? No, strange like how?"
"... nothing, never mind" Ritsuko said.
Misato frowned saying, "hey, why would you ask that?"
"... "
"Ritsuko?"
"He went through a lot of trauma during the attack. For those 12.34 seconds, he completely broke all the sync ratio records and ended up hospitalized for it. We need him reasonably healthy if he's going to pilot," Ritsuko said quickly.
Piloting? Is that all she cares about when it comes to Shinji? I can see what he meant by the 'adults' always wanting something from him. Poor kid, Misato thought.
"He seems fine to me. Nothing out of the ordinary. He's at school right now, but I'll ask if there are any lingering effects from the attack when he gets home," Misato said.
"Good," Ritsuko replied.
Hospital Entrance.
Nowhere near school.
Shinji Ikari walked through the morning air and reached into his bag to pull out the prescription bottle of his meds. He was running low on pills, having lost quite a lot of his medicine during the attack, forced to leave his dropped meds on the street before fleeing with Misato.
Dr. Page had always told him no more than five of the red pills a day. She had also told him that if it kept getting worse than to take one, and only one, emergency black pill. He had never liked Dr. Page much, but he knew for a fact that his medicine worked. Shinji placed a single red pill into his mouth and swallowed it without so much as a second thought.
Lately, he only took one a day. He needed to ration what he had.
Usually, he'd have just sent for more and explained what had happened via postage. But he couldn't do that with Misato there, she'd notice if medicine was delivered to the apartment and then the questions would start, and then she'd give him that look all adults gave him. The look that said he made them nervous. But, he would worry about that later.
Thankful, Shinji hadn't needed his pills much lately. Ever since the incident at the rooftop, the thing in his head had not stirred even once. Regardless, he took one a day to be safe.
Shinji took a deep breath; he'd felt so nervous as he had lied to Misato about going to school, even going so far as to put on his school uniform. However, as soon as he'd left the apartment complex, he had gone a completely different route.
I can't leave it like this… I can't. Don't be scared, Shinji thought to himself as he entered the hospital.
...
Surprisingly, not one nurse seemed to care or noticed anything odd about a lone teenager walking through the halls by himself. He found the help desk and calmly walked up.
"Hello, uh can you tell me where Sakura Suzuhara is? Uh, her room number I mean," he asked.
The clerk barely looked up as she typed into her computer terminal saying, "sixth floor, room 231D. You a visitor?"
"… yes," Shinji said slowly.
"Visiting hours work in shifts. Be done before three, or else you'll have to wait till seven before they open again," the clerk said.
Shinji nodded saying, "thank you."
The clerk didn't respond; she didn't even look at him. Shinji took that as his cue to leave her to her work. So he did, he turned and headed for the elevators.
Easier than I thought.
His elevator ride up was uneventful, and when he reached the sixth floor he found it mostly empty save for a few nurses taking quick looks into patient rooms to see how they were doing.
"231D," Shinji muttered to himself repeatedly. He walked the halls searching for the room.
The lonely young boy quietly checked to see if there were any other visitors, he didn't want to bother anyone, he wanted to finish his business and leave as soon as possible. Luckily for him, the room was empty save for the lone patient. He stepped inside for the second time and once again felt a surge of guilt kick him deep inside his chest, a different kind of pain than he was used to.
Sakura Suzuhara lay unmoving in her bed, various machines humming as they breathed for her or else delivered different drugs to her unconscious body.
"Hey," Shinji said softly, his chest filled with a weight that he couldn't explain. He felt like he'd grown another ten years in as many seconds. The girl was such a frail figure before him, a child younger even than him. The world was cruel.
He walked to her bedside and pulled up a chair for himself, taking a seat beside her. He closed his eyes saying nothing for a few moments, the sound of the machines seeming to echo around him.
"I'm sorry this happened to you," Shinji said opening his eyes.
He reached over and gently, so very gently, took the little girl's hand in his.
Shinji leaned forward saying, "I don't know if you can hear me, but it's all my fault. I never meant for this to happen… I… I never meant for you to get hurt. Look, I don't have everything figured out. I've never been good at plans, but I… I promise that I will do everything I can to help you from here on out."
Sakura Suzuhara, the comatose girl before him, said nothing. She was like some kind of lifeless doll, and her hand held very little warmth.
I'm sorry… he thought. Silence was his answer yet again.
The hospital room seemed to blur before Shinji's eyes, and he let go of the little girl's hand. He got to his feet and wiped his suddenly wet eyes of their tears, then he left.
Out in the hall.
Shinji spotted an attending doctor checking in on another patient.
He knew a bit of how that worked, the nurses did the grunt work and filled out the patient charts, and then the doctors came in to inspect everything and make any serious decisions or changes as needed.
"Excuse me," he called out.
The attending doctor, a middle age man in a thin white lab coat draped over his pair of scrubs, turned to look at him.
White. They always dress in white… he thought.
"I wanted to talk to you about Sakura Suzuhara, the patient in room 231D?" Shinji said, fighting his nerves and doing his best to appear calm and cool.
"Young man, visiting hours are open. If you want to visit, you can just walk in so long as you do not disturb the staff or other patients," the doctor said. The man was clearly impatient at being bothered by something so small.
"I'm not a visitor," Shinji said calmly. Not anymore, it's probably better that way from now on.
The doctor looked at him expectantly. Shinji took a deep breath and pulled out his Nerv issued credit card, the card that gave limited access to the funds he acquired from piloting Eva Unit 01, and he handed it to the confused doctor.
"I want you to use this, take however much you need. I want to see that Sakura Suzuhara gets the best treatment possible."
He did his best to sound mature.
The doctor examined Shinji's card carefully, before slowly and deliberately holding it back out for him to take.
Shinji didn't take the card back.
"It's not a fake. I have money. Use it to pay for her bills," Shinji said losing some of his calm as he did so.
"Young man, I don't know where you got such a well-made fake. But this is not funny. The girl nearly died-" the doctor began.
"This is not a joke. I'm being serious. I have money, use it," Shinji cut in.
The doctor scoffed.
"You're a kid. What? 12 years old?"
"14," Shinji corrected coldly.
"Regardless, young man, this isn't a movie. Hospitals have rules, and one of them is how we handle insurance. By law, our government takes into account family income and helps to handle the cost. You may not like it, but miss Suzuhara is under our care, and by law, we will do everything in our power to help her. That is understood by her parents, and they are aware of the bills," the doctor said meeting Shinji's eyes directly.
Shinji flinched back as if struck.
"But- but she's just lying there! There are specialists that could do more for her! And… I don't… know… there has to be something I can do to help. I have money, look for yourself," Shinji said growing frantic.
This just couldn't be. He had to help her, he had to make up for his past mistakes. The thing in his head stirred at those thoughts but said nothing.
The doctor sighed and forced Shinji to take his card back.
"Young man, I can tell that your heart is in the right place. But whatever you thought you could do with this card is not the answer. Miss Suzuhara's best chance is to stay in the system, to seek outside help from specialists would be incredibly expensive and would risk her losing funds from both Nerv and her family's insurance in the process."
"But… I," Shinji stammered weakly. His eyes felt heavy and watery.
The doctor clasped Shinji by the shoulder and knelt, so they were at eye level. Then the man spoke.
"Now, I think if you want to help her, then you should pray. Pray for her, and visit during appropriate visiting hours. There has been much debate on how aware coma patients can be. At times like these… everything helps."
With that, the doctor let Shinji go and turned to check on his other patients.
Shinji stood there holding his Nerv card stupidly. He didn't know what to say or do, he had thought he could help. That he could make things better, that he could fix things somehow...
But he was just a stupid kid. A teenager trying to play the adult.
Again the thing in his head stirred but said nothing.
He finally turned and left, not sure what to do anymore. He felt so powerless.
"Hey, you!" a voice called.
Someone else had followed after him in the halls of the hospital.
Shinji turned to see another boy around his age, another kid skipping school, wearing a sports jacket over his school uniform, rounding the corner and come striding toward him.
"What were you doing with Sakura?! And why were you talking to the doctor?" the boy said coldly.
Shinji blinked in surprise. "I was only visiting," he stammered.
"Why were you visiting my sister?" the boy scowled, arms crossed and eying Shinji up and down.
The thing in Shinji's head stirred for the third time but said nothing, and he felt another sharp twinge of guilt ripple across his chest.
Oh god… her brother, he thought.
"I… I wanted to see how she was doing. I thought I could help, I thought-" Shinji began, unable to meet the boy's gaze as he spoke.
"Why?" the boy asked again coldly.
"… because I'm an Eva pilot. I was the one who killed the Angel that night," Shinji said stiffly, he felt his gaze fall to the floor.
"I don't believe you," the boy said slowly.
"I am. I don't know why I was chosen, but I was. It's my fault that your sister got hurt. I didn't mean to… I tried to end the fight quickly, but I wasn't good enough," Shinji said somberly.
Get back. Dodge, dodge now.
The voice speaking so suddenly caused him to wince involuntary, just as something unseen smashed into his face.
"Ah!" Shinji groaned. He fell down face first into the floor of the hallway.
The boy, Sakura's brother, had punched him. Had punched him with all his weight behind it, and it had hurt very much. His face stung.
"Stay away from my sister, you've done enough!" the boy said turning to leave without another word.
With another small groan, Shinji got to his knees, then slowly pushed himself to his feet.
He felt terrible, but he walked to the nearest restroom to take a look.
Gonna have a bruise. Maybe a black eye, Shinji thought as he examined himself in the restroom mirror. His face was warm from where he'd been punched, and he winced in pain when he ran a finger across the area.
If Mari was here, she'd have run after that boy and kicked his ass… but no. I deserved that.
No, you didn't.
Shinji flinched and nearly fell back. He had to grab the edge of the sink to steady himself. He shuddered and breathed in harshly, and closed his eyes lowering his head.
The world isn't that nice. Bad things happen, but you can't blame everything on yourself. It's too much for one person to take, too much of a burden to carry. You'll explode if you do.
Shinji opened his eyes and looked at his beaten and weary reflection in the mirror. He reached a hand into his bag and pulled out his prescription bottle.
Don't. Don't take them anymore. They mess with your head.
Shinji slid the top off the bottle and reached in grabbing another of his ever decreasing amount of red pills.
I'll leave you alone. Just don't take the pills anymore.
Shinji froze at that. This had been a record for him ever since he'd arrived in Tokyo-03. After the incident at the rooftop, he had gone 22 days without the thing in his head stirring.
He looked at his reflection and saw that he didn't look too good. Maybe it was because he'd just been punched in the face by the brother of the girl he'd put in the hospital. Maybe it was because he had lied to Misato and skipped school. Maybe it was because he was a kid being made to pilot an Eva, or maybe he really was going crazy again. His sickness that lingered even now, even outside the ward.
And Shinji found that he couldn't stand the sight of his reflection, so he did what he always did. He looked away… and angrily shoved the medicine into his mouth.
Misato's apartment.
Moments after Misato had finally finished all that damn paperwork, all she had wanted to do was have a cold beer and wait for whatever Shinji ended up cooking when he got back from school.
Instead, the doorbell rang.
She sighed and rose to her feet. Honestly, she didn't know why Shinji even bothered with the damned thing. She'd told him countless times that this was his home now, that he could just come in. She'd even given him a key.
Opening the door, Misato found to her surprise, not Shinji, but another teenage girl in a school uniform standing in the doorway.
"Hello, does Shinji Ikari live here?" the girl asked politely.
".. He does," Misato answered with a frown.
"My name is Hikari Horaki, I'm the class representative. Shinji wasn't in class today so I came to deliver his worksheets. This place is kinda hard to find," the girl said reaching into her bag.
"Wait? Shinji wasn't at school today?!" Misato said frantically.
Hikari blinked in surprise.
"I thought you knew, I figured he was sick or something. He doesn't talk to anyone, I had to ask the teachers where he lived because no one knew."
That little punk lied... Misato thought, crossing her arms.
"Thanks for letting me know. I'll make sure Shinji gets his work done."
Deep down she was making plans. Hikari frowned and handed over Shinji's worksheet for the day.
"Are you his sister or something?" the girl asked.
I'm too young to be Shinji's mom. I'll take that as a compliment, Misato thought.
"I'm his guardian. Misato. Nice to meet you, Hikari," she said.
"Likewise, I hope Shinji is okay but I have to head home," Hikari said glancing at her watch.
Misato nodded saying, "don't let me keep you."
As Hikari turned to leave, Misato stepped back into her apartment. She closed the door behind her, and immediately preceded to call Shinji on the phone she'd bought him.
Somewhere in Tokyo-03.
Shinji Ikari sat alone on a park bench that he'd found after wandering around the hospital area.
He had drifted for quite a long time to think things over. He'd thought about heading back to school, but when he looked at his watch he'd seen that it was already two in the afternoon. He figured it wasn't worth it to head back.
Instead, he'd taken a seat, and sat listening to his SDAT player, the old music player that he'd been allowed to have in the ward, completely lost to the outside world.
After his only friend had left the ward, he'd done that a lot. He would listen to music and drown out the world around him to make it through the day, to make it through the isolation and loneliness inside the facility.
So it was that when his phone rang, he did not hear it. Shinji sat on the bench staring at his feet, headphones plugged into his ears, blocking everything else out. Four times his phone rang, and four times he did not answer.
The boy only looked up, and in so doing finally acknowledged the outside world, when a shadow fell upon him sometime later.
Suddenly there emerged a tall bald man in a black suit, wearing dark tinted sunglasses that hid his eyes, and a look of cold detachment planted firmly on his face.
"Uh, can I help you-" Shinji began.
"Shinji Ikari. We're with Nerv. You're going to come with us now," the man said harshly. Shinji watched the man pull out a badge with the initials of the Nerv organization.
"We?" Shinji asked. He glanced around seeing no less than four other men in black suits emerging throughout the park and heading towards him.
"Take off those damn headphones. I called you by name a dozen times but you couldn't hear me," the man said. Before Shinji could protest, the man reached out and yanked the headphones from Shinji's ears.
It hurt.
"Ack!" Shinji groaned. He glared up at the bigger man but said nothing.
He only shook his head and stood up following the Nerv agents back to a car parked nearby.
Later.
Misato's apartment.
"What the hell were you thinking?!" Misato said sharply.
She glared down at the teenager sitting on his bed.
After having called Shinji multiple times, Misato had started to dial the number for Nerv security but they beat her to it. She had been pleasantly surprised when they had called her first. The man on the phone had explained that they'd found Shinji and were currently escorting the boy back to her apartment.
However, Misato had not been pleased to discover that Shinji had been found in some random park all alone, and her face had shown it when the Nerv agents had arrived. She could remember the men shoving the teenager into her apartment and reporting what had happened before leaving.
"I didn't mean for that to happen," Shinji stammered.
"You 'didn't mean' to skip school? You 'didn't mean' to wander around the city like some crazed teen looking for kicks?!" Misato said putting her hands on her hips.
Shinji winced involuntarily at the word 'crazed' but he didn't think Misato noticed the correlation. If anything she probably thought he was intimidated by her being angry with him, which he was, make no mistake.
"And what happened to your face! You're lucky you don't have a black eye! Did you get mugged?!" Misato continued.
"... no. I got punched..." Shinji murmured avoiding her gaze.
"Punched by who?!" Misato said. Worry crept into her frustrated face.
"I… I went to the hospital to visit that girl again. Her brother was there and he hit me," he blurted out nervously.
"You…" Misato stammered, gaping at the boy before shaking her head and sputtering out, "you what?!"
"I went to visit her again. I thought I could do more to help her, I thought I could use the money Nerv gave me to pay her bills. I thought I could get her to some specialists who could do more…" Shinji said looking back up at her sadly.
Misato sighed. She ran a hand through her hair in a mixture of frustration, annoyance, and perhaps a little empathy if she were being honest.
"Shinji… the world doesn't work like that. That kind of money is a little beyond your funds. Nerv and the government already front most of the bills, taking her out of the system is a bad move unless you're really, really, rich," Misato said.
"They just left her in a room with those machines to keep her breathing. She's just lying there," Shinji said speaking in barely a whisper.
"What happened to her is not your fault. I know you want to help, but you already did. You saved the city, and for now… for now, that just has to be enough. Okay? You have to enjoy that victory, cling to it," Misato said.
Shinji looked away, he nodded so she knew that he'd heard her, but he still felt terrible.
"Come here, "Misato said, and her expression softened.
Shinji grunted in surprise as he was pulled from his bed and onto his feet. He flinched as the older woman wrapped her arms around him.
"I… I don't understand. What is this?" he said. He felt his face grow warm.
"It's a hug. I'm hugging you, Shinji," Misato said into his ear softly, having to crane down due to their height difference.
This is a hug? Shinji thought.
He didn't understand this feeling, but he enjoyed it. He felt touched... yet at the same time he felt an emotion that was his and yet not his. Sadness and hope, bittersweet. It stirred within him, this strange thing that ran along with his own emotions... but not altogether unpleasant.
But then that emotion was gone just as soon as it had appeared.
"Um, does this mean I'm not being punished?" Shinji asked.
He wasn't sure what to do with his hands, so he kept them stiff and to his sides, unsure if he should hug back or not.
"Oh no, you're definitely being punished," Misato teased.
"What?" Shinji stammered.
"Gotta do my duty as your guardian, but I wanted you to know that I think your heart is in the right place," Misato said.
Just great, Shinji thought.
Misato released him saying, "and now we gotta fix up your face, can't have you showing up to school looking like you just got into a fight."
The next morning.
The teenagers heading to school were all astonished at the sight and sounds of a car streaking through the morning traffic. The driver swerving and skittering across the streets before somehow readjusting as the car slid into a parking space.
"What kind of crazy-"
"Does someone have a death wish?"
Were among the murmurs of the students as they headed to class.
Two people exited the now infamous car. A young woman in her late twenties followed by a younger teenager, a student at the school, and between their wrists was a pair of handcuffs linking them together.
"Is this really necessary? I promised I wouldn't skip school again," Shinji said meekly at the sight he must have made for his fellow classmates.
It was bad enough coming to school with a bandage planted firmly on his face where he'd been punched, but this was just downright embarrassing. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd felt embarrassed.
The teenager raised his hand, the hand which was handcuffed to Misato's. Shinji had woken to find Misato smirking above him, before telling him to take a shower and get dressed. Once he had, she'd surprised him with the handcuffs saying that she would personally make sure he 'made it' to class.
"Necessary? Probably not, but it sure is funny. And besides, if you skip school again then I promise that the next punishment will be even worse," Misato said playfully.
Shinji groaned, just wanting to shrink into his school uniform and melt away into the crowd. Instead, Misato laughed and strode forward forcing Shinji to keep pace with his head down. The pair walked through the school making quite the scene.
A few teachers laughed at the sight whilst other students merely stared open-mouthed.
Shinji kept his head down wishing he could have been invisible; he didn't like drawing attention to himself and this was the exact opposite.
"Oh. Hey there, Hikari!" Misato said beaming as she escorted Shinji to class, only to run into the girl that had kindly dropped off the work that Shinji had missed.
The class representative of Class 2-A blinked in surprise at the sight of Shinji Ikari literally handcuffed to his guardian.
"… Hello again miss Misato. Hello, Shinji... " Hikari said slowly.
Shinji managed a meek wave.
"Now, I gotta head to work now. But do me a favor and keep an eye on Shinji for me, watch out because he's a sneaky one. If he skips his class again, I want you to call me, okay?" Misato said beaming with a bright smile planted firmly on her face.
"I don't have your number-" Hikari began.
Only for Misato to pull a slip of paper from her coat pocket saying, "already got you covered."
This is terrible… she's unofficially hired a nanny, Shinji thought. He wished the earth would swallow him whole, anything was better than this.
Hikari reluctantly took the paper. The poor girl looked just as awkward about this as he was.
Misato uncuffed Shinji saying, "I'll be back to pick you up after school. You'd better be here when I come back."
"I will be," Shinji mumbled.
"Good boy," Misato said patting him on the head before leaving and heading for her car.
Shinji sighed as he heard his legally appointed guardian, and roommate, leaving but he realized that Hikari was still standing there. The girl was staring at him with a frown.
"I'm sorry about all that. I know you dropped off my worksheets, but I didn't mean for you to get dragged into that," Shinji said lamely.
"Are you in trouble or something?" Hikari asked. The girl glanced at Shinji's uncuffed hand, and then at the bandage on his face.
"Yeah, I am," Shinji said feeling very embarrassed about the whole thing, no doubt all part of Misato's plan. When he'd first met his guardian, he'd have never believed she was capable of this. It would have been almost funny if he wasn't so terrible with people.
Hikari studied him, she'd seen the new kid in her class a few times but very rarely spoke to him at all. Or rather, Shinji didn't speak to others much.
"Are you really the pilot of that thing that killed the Angel?" she asked suddenly.
"What? Uh, yeah. I am, but- how did you know?"
Hikari raised her eyebrows at his answer. She gestured to the students milling around the school walking about the halls and heading for class.
"It was a rumor that started going around school today. Supposedly Toji was visiting his sister when he came across the pilot, and he hit him, or so Kensuke says. Kensuke is... a strange kid. He likes the military and is a bit obsessive about that sort of thing," Hikari said.
"Oh... " Shinji said. He honestly never really considered if other people knew he was an Eva pilot, but he supposed it was only natural that people would find out.
"Kensuke probably didn't mean to, but he started blabbering about Toji and you. I guess people heard him and the story spread," Hikari said.
Toji, the boy who hit me. I probably deserved it... Shinji thought.
He winced slightly as he felt the thing in his head stir, but no voice came, no sound at all, it had stirred then vanished again without a second passing. It left him with a strange sensation of being dazed.
"You alright?" Hikari said, frown reemerging on her face.
"I'm fine," Shinji lied in a low strained voice, before heading to class.
...
Hikari watched him go, unsure what to make of their newest classmate.
What an odd boy? She thought.
Shinji found the other pilot already sitting at a seat by the window. Rei, her name was, and he blinked in surprise. She hadn't been to school ever since he had started, it looked like this was her first day back.
Rei wore the standard issue school uniform, but she carried the injuries that Shinji had seen from the day they'd first met. She had bandages on her face and arm. He ignored some of the other students who gave him curious glances, no doubt due to the rumors spreading about him, and headed for Rei.
"Hey, I didn't know you went to school here too," Shinji said in greeting.
The girl in question seemed to take a moment to register his presence, or perhaps the fact that someone had spoken to her at all. She slowly looked up from the window and turned to him with a blank expression.
"Pilot Ikari, hello. I have been unable to attend school until today," Rei said meeting his gaze.
"I... please just call me Shinji."
Rei tilted her head at him but nodded saying nothing.
Shinji wanted to say more but the teacher stepped into class and he was forced to find a seat, he chose one across from Rei. The pale girl didn't seem to mind... or care for that matter.
The rest of the class was uneventful, with the teacher lecturing and lecturing with barely half the class paying attention.
Shinji himself dutifully took notes on his school-issued computer terminal about the so-called 'Second Impact', the supposed meteor that had slammed into Antarctica and very nearly caused a global catastrophe. A monotonous event in history, according to the teacher, whose effects were still being felt even now all these years later. Two billion people had died in the wake of the Second Impact, and the nations of the world had been left scrambling to deal with it.
But for a group of kids, it was all ancient history that happened before they were born.
One of the students in the class messaged him, asking him if he really was the pilot that had killed the Angel.
Shinji looked at the message about to answer but suddenly felt an instinct not to. As if a hand had emerged on his shoulder, gently prodding him to stop what he was about to do.
Maybe it was the stress of the previous day, but suddenly he didn't feel like talking. He ignored the message, along with the next three that came after.
During their lunch break, Shinji found that he didn't have anywhere to sit. He usually sat alone anyway. He was still relatively new to the school and felt some people staring his way, especially Toji's angry glare.
So Shinji kept his distance from the boy who had hit him, instead, he wandered outside the school patio looking for a place to sit and eat his food.
He found Rei sitting by herself at a table, she was using only one hand as her other was still wrapped in bandages. Shinji didn't know why he did it, but he headed over to her and coughed meekly to get her attention.
"Pilot Ikari?" Rei said, completely deadpan as she looked up at him.
"I told you... it's Shinji. Just Shinji," he said uncomfortably.
He had a hard time looking at her. He winced at the sight of the girl struggling to use her fork and knife on the assortment of vegetables she had chosen for lunch.
"Can I- can I join you?" Shinji asked, holding his own tray of sandwiches.
Rei nodded and he took a seat across from her.
She didn't speak to him as he nervously started to eat his sandwich. He felt awkward, yet somewhere inside him, he felt drawn to her but he didn't know why.
"Here, let me," Shinji said after uneasily watching the still injured Rei cut up her food.
He reached over and grabbed her gently by the wrist to stop her. Rei blinked in surprise at the contact and looked away as she surrendered her fork and knife to Shinji, who cut up her food for her before handing them back.
"Why did you do that?" Rei asked suddenly.
"I... it just seemed like the right thing to do. Are you okay? Last time I saw you, you were on a stretcher and you looked... you looked like you were hurt?" Shinji said looking away too.
"I am mostly recovered. I have been advised to avoid doing physically demanding activities such as running or swimming," Rei said.
The way she spoke... like she was reading off a report. Deadpan and flat-voiced. Shinji didn't like it. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened his eyes and stared directly into Rei's, their eyes meeting as he spoke.
"You were hurt because they made you pilot," he said.
It wasn't a question, but a statement.
"Yes," Rei answered flatly.
Shinji clenched his teeth but shook himself to calm down. He remembered how bad she'd looked the day he had first piloted Unit 01.
"Why did they make you pilot? Why any of us? We're just children?" Shinji said, his voice shaking slightly.
"Because the Evangelion Units cannot be piloted by adults due to their brain chemistry," Rei answered simply.
"What?" Shinji said in shock.
Rei tilted her head at him, clearly surprised that he had not known this.
"Adults are unable to sync with the Evas. Dr. Akagi has theorized that an adult brain is too developed to handle the synchronization process with the Eva. They are unable to establish a connection to the artificial nervous system of the machine, due to having developed too far into their body's own real one. Thus, they are incompatible," Rei answered, summarizing several pages worth of writing by Ritsuko.
Their brain chemistry? But given my past... why on earth would they want me to pilot? Shinji thought, taking in Rei's words. He felt his hands shaking, what were these people thinking? How could they choose him?
RING.
RING.
RING.
Shinji looked up to see Rei pulling a mobile phone from her pocket. She answered and shook her head repeatedly before saying, "I understand. We will be there momentarily."
Rei hung up her phone then turned to Shinji.
"You did not answer your phone. There is an emergency, Nerv is sending a car for us. We must meet them outside."
Shinji gasped then remembered that he'd left his phone in his backpack with the volume turned down.
Before he could explain, Rei had already gotten to her feet and was gesturing for him to keep up.
"Hey, what is it? Why is Nerv calling us?" Shinji said abandoning his lunch as Rei had done.
He struggled to keep pace with the injured girl as she jogged.
Wow, she can really move when she wants to, Shinji thought. He broke into a jog behind Rei just as the school alarm began sounding off.
"ATTENTION: THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ALL STUDENTS AND TEACHERS MUST REPORT TO THEIR ASSIGNED SHELTERS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL."
The automated voice reverberated across the campus.
Rei glanced back at Shinji, a dark look on her face as she spoke.
"Two Angels have appeared. The first to come as a pair."
Shinji gulped.
I know cliffhangers are annoying. This chapter originally ended up way too long and so was split into two, I try not to do that.
But I have gotten criticism for having incredibly long chapters before, and it's still early into the story.
I wanted to show the parallels between the thing in Shinji's head and Shinji himself, about trying to fix things. And his growing relationship with Misato and even Rei, as well as some Ritsuko in the background.
Thanks for Reading and please Review!