Hey guys, I'm back.
Another character heavy chapter with plot.
Here's chapter 6 "Ripple."
"Time is not linear. Time is simultaneous. To peel back, to change even a single thing is to cause a ripple in a pond. That ripple creates another, and so on and so on. Those changes aren't always good, often they're not, they cascade. But even with all that... some things linger. Remnants. Bonds so strong that they never fade. Not even across time."
- the Broken Man
Morning,
German Nerv Branch HQ.
The prodigal Second Child sat at the desk, a scowl emerging on her face, as she watched the display screen. Archived footage of the Third Child's first piloting run played across the screen, records of Eva Unit 01 engaging an Angel and utterly destroying it after some initial stumbling.
Asuka Langley Sohryu crossed her arms, the computer on the desk continued to play the footage.
The office door opened and Ryoji Kaji stepped in.
"Still going over the archives? Thought you'd have gotten bored by now," Kaji said smirking at the teenage girl in his office.
She always sits in my desk. Annoying, but the child prodigy must get what she wants or she throws a tantrum, the man thought offhandedly.
"Kaji!" the Second Child said beaming up at his arrival, she usually did.
Asuka rose to her feet saying, "eh, not much to do after testing. Might as well check out the competition."
Kaji sighed inwardly as the German girl rounded his desk and clung to him.
He shook his head.
"Nothing wrong with a little fun. But it's not a competition, Asuka."
"I'm not worried; I saw Mr. Third Child stumbling. Damn kid couldn't even walk straight for the first few minutes," Asuka smirked. She was putting on a show for herself, Kaji had known her long enough to realize she didn't like anyone being better than her at anything.
Asuka herself had only been able to run sync tests, and simulations to get an idea of piloting Eva Unit 02. She had never piloted under a combat scenario, yet she was Germany's pride, the child prodigy that until recently had held the highest sync ratio ever.
"That 'damn kid' achieved a sync ratio of 91%," Kaji said playfully. The footage that Nerv captured of the incident did not reflect this information, but Asuka had wanted to see the video all the same.
"What?!" Asuka said, not believing it. The teenage girl's shoulders slumped and she gaped at the man before her.
"The Third Child, his name's Shinji Ikari, had a record-breaking 91% sync ratio. Now, he wasn't able to maintain it for very long, roughly 12 seconds. But he did it. He's getting quite a reputation," Kaji said simply.
He knew he probably shouldn't have done it, but he felt it was good to take Asuka down a peg or two every now and again. Something to humble her, she was without a doubt a very talented girl with great potential for piloting.
However, her attitude could be troubling. Even Kaji, who wasn't exactly a saint, could see that.
"That bumbling idiot got a higher sync ratio than me?! That's not possible!" Asuka stammered out as she turned to watch the footage again.
Kaji was about to tell her to calm down, that she would have the chance to prove herself when the time came, but Asuka beat him to it.
"Just you wait, Kaji. When it's my turn, I'll show them how a real pilot gets things done," Asuka said smirking.
And there it is. Child prodigy that doesn't back down from a challenge, Kaji thought.
"I'm sure you will, kid. Eva Unit 02 is almost ready. But until then, you have a meeting with the doc. Get your things, we're leaving now," Kaji said.
"Do we have to go already? 3 hours of sync tests and now the doctor? Why not tomorrow? I heard some of the staff talking about a new restaurant-" Asuka began, swinging her hips back and forth in a way that made Kaji annoyed.
You're a child. Stop acting like that, he thought.
"Sorry kid, rules are rules. Get your things," Kaji said interrupting before Asuka could finish.
Asuka frowned, but it left her face quickly as she nodded and grabbed her things. Probably trying to impress Kaji with her maturity. Something she tended to do when Kaji repeatedly referred to her as 'kid'.
...
The drive to the facility was relatively uneventful, Asuka only politely asking to control the radio and only listening to German music. Once there, Kaji signed the forms needed and Asuka blinked in surprise as they were led to an MRI machine.
"Rules. Nerv demanded it," Kaji answered when Asuka gave him a confused look.
The facility personnel led Asuka away, the woman in charge smiled politely at her and went over a quick explanation of the procedure. Explaining that the process was painless and that they were going to scan her brain as if Asuka didn't already understand. As if she was a child and not a college graduate.
"Humph, I know what an MRI is. Magnetic Resonance Imaging, you're taking an image of the anatomy and physiological processes of my brain. I already graduated college you know," Asuka said smugly.
The fake smile fell from the face of the woman in charge of the operation. Whatever the staff had been expecting in the girl, this child prodigy, it had definitely not been that.
"Very well, miss Sohryu. Let's get this over with," the woman said.
Asuka was strapped in and the technicians got to work. The child prodigy stayed completely silent throughout the entire MRI. Kaji watched from the observatory window.
...
When the MRI was finished, Kaji turned to the doctor Nerv had brought in, asking "how'd it go?"
"It went fine. We need more time to analyze the data, but I see no obvious problems. Nerv is just being cautious, we all have a vested interest in the health of the Eva Pilots," Dr. Page said in answer. Though the American woman barely looked at him.
Page... never liked her. Can't get a read on her, it's like everything she does is carefully measured and controlled, Kaji thought. He had his suspicions about her.
"That all? I think the Second Child would like to leave by now. She's had a long day," Kaji said, acting the role as Asuka's caretaker for the day.
"I'm afraid not. I have one final test for the Second Child. I will personally attend to it myself, Nerv has been kind enough to lend me an office. Per doctor-patient confidentiality, I must ask you to give us privacy," Dr. Page said softly.
"I'm sure Asuka won't mind-" Kaji began.
"But the law would. I'm sorry, this test is private. With any luck, I will finish quickly and the two of you will never hear from me again," Dr. Page said smiling brightly at him.
Perfectly practiced motions and gestures, all to keep people calm, Kaji noted with a flicker of annoyance.
He kept his cool, however, and glanced back through the observation window, Asuka was complaining to the facility staff as they pulled her from the MRI. Sorry kid, nothing I can do, he thought.
"Fine. I'll wait outside," Kaji said, somewhat reluctant.
Page noticed the stiffness in his shoulders as he left. Neither cared much for the other it seemed.
...
Once Asuka had finished the MRI, she had been looked forward to heading home with Kaji, but instead, she'd found another doctor waiting for her. A young woman with dark brown hair and clearly American.
Without much choice, Asuka was forced to follow the American doctor to an office upstairs while Kaji lingered behind them. Once the doctor and Asuka stepped inside, Kaji didn't follow but waved at the teenage prodigy saying, "I'll be waiting when you get out."
"What?-" Asuka began frowning, only for the doctor to gently pull her inside the office before closing the door behind them.
She scowled but took a seat. The American sat across from her.
"Hello there, miss Sohryu. I am Dr. Page, and though I've lived in Japan for many years now, I have flown all the way here to speak with you today. I've heard so many great things about you," the doctor said in perfect German, even down to the accent.
Asuka was impressed. She blinked in surprise before answering in her mother tongue, "you speak very good German, unlike most foreigners in Nerv."
"Why thank you. I had heard how intelligent you are, a true lady, but no one had told me how kind you could be," Dr. Page said smiling.
Asuka smirked. "I am pretty great."
"Indeed, now before you go we have one final test for you. Just a private talk among us women, shouldn't take long," Dr. Page continued.
"What about Kaji?" Asuka asked frowning. She glanced pensively at the door, but she quickly turned back to Page not wanting to show her nervousness.
"He'll be waiting outside. He did ask if he could sit in, but I thought you were mature enough to handle a simple test on your own," Dr. Page said speaking with care.
Inwardly, Dr. Page beamed as Asuka took the bait.
"Of course I can," Asuka said, putting on her best smirk.
"Glad to hear it," Dr. Page said, pulling out a folder. Picking through the folder's contents, Page pulled out a series of photographs and set them each face down carefully on the desk. Asuka looked confused but said nothing.
Dr. Page considered the photographs before her. Then she picked one and passed it over to the Second Child.
"Look at this picture and tell me what you see."
Asuka took the picture confused.
The photograph in Asuka's hands was a scan of a drawing. The image had been made with color pencils from the looks of it, put together by the crude untrained strokes of a child. The drawing revealed a humanoid figure, with only its upper half torso. The creature, whatever it was, lay crucified to a red cross. It was completely white save for its faceplate. And protruding from the humanoid figure's chest was a single red spear.
Dr. Page continued, "does it stir anything in you? Make you think of anything in particular?"
Asuka frowned.
"What the hell is this? Looks like something out of a horror movie?"
"A drawing used to test the psychological effects of people's association," Dr. Page lied smoothly.
Asuka shook her head speaking in German, "this doesn't mean anything to me. Just a creepy picture... of a drawing."
Dr. Page took the photograph back and handed Asuka another one.
The new photograph showed another scan of a child's drawing. This time of a sphere with a warped black and white color pattern that cast a strange menacing shadow over what appear to be city buildings. Oddly enough... the shadow was depicted in a blurry haze as if it was moving.
When Asuka said she didn't know what to make of it, Dr. Page took it back and handed her another.
"This is the last one," Dr. Page said.
Asuka took the photo growing more annoyed by the minute.
What's with these stupid questions? And why would someone make copies of a drawing? A kid's drawing? the girl thought, fighting the urge to scowl.
The last drawing showed a child's rendition of a multi-winged creature with bright intense colors amid a sea of black, hovering over a small blue dot.
"... Is that supposed to be outer space and the Earth?" Asuka said, sounding bored, as she turned the photo back to Dr. Page.
"If that's what you think it is," Dr. Page answered in German.
Asuka slid the photo back across the desk. Dr. Page took it scribbling down notes on her clipboard, and Asuka couldn't help but notice many more pictures in the American doctor's folder.
Putting the pictures back into the folder, Page looked up at Asuka.
"You did very well. Clever girl, the pictures don't mean anything. They test you by seeing if you would make something up to sound more interesting. But you didn't, you told the truth and saw that the photos are ultimately meaningless. I'm impressed," Dr. Page lied smoothly.
Asuka didn't seem to notice or care much about the lie. She only nodded her head saying, "of course I couldn't be tricked into making an answer up. I'm better than that."
"Now then, I have a series of questions for you and then you'll be free to leave," Dr. Page said.
Asuka stirred in her chair trying to get into a more comfortable position.
"I deal with problem children, Asuka. Nerv specifically called me in, so I ask that you please answer my questions truthfully, and to the best of your ability. Kaji nor I will ever judge you based on these answers, do you understand?"
Asuka slapped a hand on the desk saying, "I am not a problem child!"
"Of course not, I was only available at the wrong time and at the wrong place. In fact, I'd say you have nothing to worry about. You're already doing much better than any other patient I've ever had," Dr. Page lied.
The compliment seemed to calm the Second Child somewhat.
"Fine," Asuka said ready for the questions.
"First, have you ever had recurring nosebleeds? Or else strange headaches that you couldn't explain? Trouble sleeping for extended periods of time? Night terrors?" Dr. Page asked.
Asuka crossed her arms coldly.
"No. Of course not. I'm in great health. Why would you ask that? Nerv wouldn't let a wimp pilot an Eva."
"You're right of course. But it is important that I know those things, so have you ever had any problems?" Dr. Page asked again.
"No," Asuka answered coldly.
Dr. Page scribbled down a few notes onto her clipboard before looking back up at Asuka, their eyes meeting as the American asked: "have you ever heard voices in your head?"
"What?" Asuka said clearly taken aback.
"Have you ever heard a voice, or voices, in your head that only you could hear? Something that told you things, that knew your name?" Dr. Page continued blankly.
"I am not crazy!" Asuka said slamming a hand onto the desk and standing up.
Dr. Page studied the teenage girl before her in silence, letting Asuka pant angrily for several moments
"Ms. Sohryu, this is very important. I care about you. Are you telling me the truth?" Dr. Page continued after the emotional teenage girl had calmed a little.
"Of course I'm telling the truth. I'm not crazy! What are you trying to do? Lock me up in a mental ward?!" Asuka snapped.
"It matters, Asuka, because you lied to me, and I asked you to answer truthfully. But you didn't," Dr. Page said suddenly.
Asuka froze.
"I know about your mother," Dr. Page said, her eyes never leaving Asuka's.
"I... you..." Asuka mumbled in barely a whisper, unable to speak properly. The tension that had suddenly filled the office was thick enough to cut with a knife.
"You did, in fact, have night terrors for a time. I've read your file. But you lied to me when I asked about it," Dr. Page said crossly.
"That... that's private. I don't have to talk to you about this! I don't want to!" Asuka yelled.
"Yes, you do. If you do not, then I will give Nerv my recommendation that you are unfit to pilot Eva Unit 02," Dr. Page said.
Asuka flinched back as if struck. Making a choice, Asuka took a deep breath and avoided looking at the doctor. Slowly, she spoke, saying, "you read my file. You know what my... what that woman did. I had night terrors, but they're gone now."
"Thank you for your honesty. Now, tell me. Have you ever heard voices in your head? Voices that only you could hear?" Dr. Page continued.
"No, I'm telling the truth. I'm better than that. I never went crazy," Asuka said fiercely, forcing herself to look back at Dr. Page.
The two women stared each other down. Dr. Page made to scribble more notes on her clipboard, only for Asuka to reach out and smack the clipboard out of the doctor's hands.
CLANG.
Dr. Page's clipboard slammed into the office wall, before landing with an audible thud on the floor.
"I'm not crazy," Asuka said, voice dangerously low and nearly hissing.
"I believe you," Dr. Page said after several moments of silent staring.
Getting to her feet, Dr. Page gestured to the door saying, "I think we're done. I admit that perhaps I pushed too far. You are clearly not mentally unsound. I assure you that I will not stop you piloting. Thank you for your honesty; you're free to go."
Asuka stormed out of the office, slamming the door closed on her way out.
...
Kaji snapped awake when the office door flew open, and a frantic Asuka stormed out.
He hastily met her in the hallway and gasped as the angry teen stormed past him.
Kid? Kid, what did Page do?
"Asuka? Asuka, what happened? Are you okay?" Kaji said following after Asuka as she fled the hallway.
"I'm fine. I want to go home. Please... just take me home," Asuka said near pleadingly. Kaji reached a hand out to comfort her but she shook him off with a heavy pant, it sounded like she was almost in tears.
Kaji was left speechless at that.
"... Alright. Let's go," he said, having never seen the Second Child in such a state. He looked back at the office where Dr. Page had set up.
There's something very wrong with that lady, Kaji thought.
Japan.
Tokyo-03.
"Just do it."
"I… I can't."
"Don't be such a wimp. Give it your best shot. Come on, I can take it!"
Shinji Ikari raised his hand, balled it into a fist, and winced from the ache it caused him. He still hadn't fully recovered from the last Angel attack.
"I don't want to…" he said slowly, his face a mixture of nervousness, unease, and awkwardness.
Toji was towering over him. The boy's face stern and ridged, hands held to his side, perfectly prepared for a punch straight to the face.
"Hey, just do it. It's the only way he can forgive himself," Kensuke was saying from the sidelines.
"But, I don't want to punch you," Shinji said lamely, his fist raised but unmoving.
"Do it. It's only fair!" Toji fumed.
"I don't want to hit anyone. It's okay. I deserved it."
"Stop being so... so nice. Men aren't supposed to be nice!"
Men aren't supposed to be nice? Huh? Is that really true? Shinji thought with a frown.
"Punch me! Then we'll be even," Toji grumbled, face stern and prepared for the hit.
Shinji grimaced and pulled his fist back, he really really did not want to do this. How would this make them even? Did this mean they were friends now? Why would friends hit each other? Did all other boys make friends this way? He really didn't know.
Toji closed his eyes... and nothing happened.
"Oh come on!" Kensuke laughed, almost wheezing as Toji opened his eyes to see Shinji's fist hovering an inch from his face.
I don't want to... why is that so hard to understand?
A look of pure awkwardness emerged firmly on Shinji's face, and he lowered his fist. Before Toji could start shouting again, Shinji stepped back shaking his head.
"Uh... really, it's fine. I deserved it. We're... 'even'... okay?" Shinji stammered.
'Even,' I hope that's the right word. Ahhh, I wish there was a rulebook or something.
The three of them stood in the school courtyard, Shinji had been heading to class when the two boys had cornered him. They had made an odd sight, with Shinji and the partial cast on his arm, the light bandages on his face and chest, thankfully hidden by his shirt, being cornered by two classmates who apparently wanted to get punched.
"No! That's not how this works! I shouldn't have hit you, alright. Hit me back and we can forget about it," Toji bristled.
"Think of it like this, how many times do you get a free pass to hit someone?" Kensuke said oddly cheerful.
"I already forgot about it. There, so we're even," Shinji stammered meekly.
Toji scowled and stepped forward grabbing him by the arm.
"Ack" Shinji groaned, his arm hadn't fully healed.
Toji raised Shinji's fist up for him.
"Alright, you're going to hit me. Ready?" Toji was saying, the boy frustrated beyond belief that he had to literally help Shinji punch him.
This is so weird... Shinji thought.
Suddenly a young but harsh voice cut through the air as Hikari Horaki, class representative, and oddly enough Rei Ayanami emerged onto the scene.
"Toji! Kensuke! What are you two doing to poor Shinji?"
Both boys froze. Thankfully, Toji released Shinji's arm.
Shinji watched as Toji unconsciously stepped back as the girl with twin pigtails strode for them.
"Hey, Hikari. Hey, Rei," Shinji said lamely.
The class representative nodded her acknowledgment and stared down the other two boys. Rei said nothing, she rarely did.
"What are you two bothering him with now? Can't you see he's hurt?" Hikari said crossing her arms.
"It's a guy thing, you wouldn't understand-" Toji began only for Kensuke to cut in saying, "a while back, Toji hit Shinji. But we're sorry, so we thought it'd only be fair if Shinji hits him back... only Shinji doesn't want to."
"Kensuke!" Toji shouted.
"Oh, that again. Ugh, boys are so stupid," Hikari sighed.
The class representative shook her head continuing, "Toji, Kensuke, head to class. I need to talk to Shinji." Funny how sometimes she seemed like almost an adult with the other, and sometimes bigger, kids cowering before her wrath.
"Class doesn't start for 15 minutes. And besides you can't tell us what to do outside of class-" Toji began only to groan as Hikari pinched his ear and pulled hard.
It's like she runs the school or something. Damn, Toji's just taking it, Shinji thought.
He watched, unsure of what to do, as Hikari pulled on Toji's ear yanking the boy forward.
The power of women, Shinji. You don't realize how much they run things.
The voice again. Agh, not good. I need my pills, Shinji thought, fighting the urge to flinch.
"Go to class," Hikari said firmly, releasing Toji as she spoke.
Kensuke took his friend's arm and led him off towards the classroom. "Sorry about all this Shinji, we'll make it up to you somehow," the boy said as he and a still grumbling Toji walked off.
Shinji watched the other boys leave never quite understanding how that had all happened.
"But I deserved it," Shinji murmured so softly that no one heard him.
No, you didn't, the voice rasped.
Go away. I'm not listening to you.
"Crazy girl, who the hell goes around pinching people!" Toji was shouting even as Kensuke dragged him off.
Hikari stared them down until they were gone.
Well, that was... odd.
He kept his eyes downcast but then he realized Rei was watching him, the pale skinned girl never saying a word until he met her gaze.
Immediately, Rei turned away, and Hikari spoke up calling Shinji by name.
"Huh, sorry," Shinji said awkwardly.
"I said are you alright? I know Toji and Kensuke can be a handful sometimes. And were they telling the truth? They wanted you to hit them? Rei said it looked like they were picking a fight with you?" Hikari asked.
Did Rei grab the class representative for me? Shinji thought.
"Oh, they're not so bad. It's a long story," Shinji said. He flinched slightly as the thing in his head stirred, but then it stopped. Gone in a second.
He ran a hand through his hair to cover up the flinch, and continued speaking, "... but I don't want to hit them. Toji got mad when I wouldn't."
Hikari listened to the story, more bemused than anything else, before smiling.
"Glad at least some of my classmates don't act like idiots," the class-representative said. It was like she was actually impressed.
Shinji did not understand girls, not even close. He felt his face grow warm in spite of himself. He couldn't remember the last time a girl, any girl, had actually smiled at him besides his first friend.
"I... thanks, I think. Um, you said you needed to talk to me?" Shinji said slowly.
"Your guardian called saying that she told the teachers you and Rei are to be excused from physical activities. For the next few days anyway. She especially asked I 'keep an eye out for you' I just wanted to let you know," Hikari said.
Shinji listened, he really did, but he noticed Rei looking at him again. He tried to look at the pale girl and once again she turned away.
"You two should really be more careful. Class is starting soon. Don't be late," Hikari said, looking at her watch before waving goodbye to both her classmates.
She knows we're both pilots? Shinji thought as he waved Hikari off.
"Rei... I... you called her when you thought I was in a fight?" Shinji asked before the girl could disappear again. He didn't know why he did it, he wasn't good at talking to girls, but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.
Hikari chuckled as she left the two Eva pilots, something that Shinji did notice and for some reason found very annoying.
"I had reason to believe you were in danger, and we have been advised to avoid physically straining activities," Rei said, without emotion.
Rei had bandages just as Shinji had, and although his injuries had been more severe after the incident with the two Angels, she had already been recovering from a previous incident when she'd been hurt again. Though she hid it well, Shinji thought he could sometimes see her wince from time to time.
"Oh. Uh, thanks for looking out for me," Shinji said. He noted that just as before, Rei never liked to make eye contact when she spoke with people.
His fellow Eva pilot nodded, saying nothing. She left him, heading for class just like everyone else had. Not knowing what else to say or do, Shinji followed.
Damn it, he wished he was better at talking to people his own age.
...
The school day played out as usual, with Shinji taking his usual seat beside Rei's, and the teacher droning on and on about the history of the world since the Second Impact. Of the strange event that had nearly caused a global catastrophe. Of the Post-Second-Impact world forcing the UN to take action, the founding of Nerv and the JSSDF.
Shinji took notes, but he didn't really care, especially with the glances some of his fellow classmates gave him and Rei.
Maybe it was the fact that both of them had bandages on, but somehow Shinji figured that most, if not all, of the class, seemed to know that he and Rei were the Eva pilots. Hikari had told him before how there were rumors. Said rumors had spread remarkably fast.
When it came time for the students to do their physical activities for the day, usually swimming for the girls and running for the boys, Shinji was told by his teachers to sit it out.
He noticed Rei had also been told to sit it out. Hikari had let them know, yet he still found himself glancing upward at his fellow Eva pilot. Both of them had been 'benched' for lack of a better term.
After they were released for lunch, Shinji made his way to an empty bathroom. He reached into his bag, pulling out his prescription bottle. He hadn't bothered bringing the white or blue pills with him, he hadn't needed them as much lately, and those were mostly to help him sleep.
"Almost out," Shinji murmured as he grabbed one of the few remaining red pills.
Should I? The thing in my head only stirred twice today... but what if it comes back?
Ultimately, he put one of the pills in his mouth and swallowed it. He couldn't explain it, but piloting the Eva seemed to make his problem worse, and he wasn't taking any chances.
Minutes later, Shinji wandered the school patio for a place to eat the lunch he'd prepared. He spotted Rei sitting alone at the same table as before. The same spot where he'd joined her for lunch the day of the last attack.
He walked over to her, saying, "hello."
Rei looked up at him, surprised that he had approached her again.
"Hello, pilot Ikari... Shinji," the pale girl said. She tilted her head at him.
"Uh, can I join you? That is... if you don't mind?"
"I do not mind," Rei said. Something about her was different, she wasn't as deadpan, and though she didn't want to make eye contact, she seemed to pay him more attention than previously.
Shinji took a seat across from her. They made an odd sight, a boy and girl in bandages, sitting all alone.
"Here, let me," Shinji said, reaching across the table to help Rei cut her food up.
Rei hesitated, before relenting. She watched him cut up her food for the second time. Just as before, her injuries had made her hands stiff. It made it difficult for her to prepare her own food.
"... Thank you," Rei said slowly after Shinji had finished.
He handed her the food, and they ate in silence for a moment before Rei suddenly spoke. Her voice was almost deadpan, quiet but audible, she said: "why did you do that again?"
"It just- it seemed like the right thing to do. And you saved me during the last attack. I- I don't think I would have made it without you," Shinji said, not really knowing why he did it himself.
Rei considered that. Seemingly unsure of what to say.
"I never did thank you for that, did I? I'm sorry that you had to get involved, you got hurt again because of me," Shinji said, his eyes downcast.
Rei tilted her head at him.
"Thank you, for saving me that day," Shinji finished.
"You were hurt worse than me," Rei said quietly.
"They shouldn't have made you do that. You were already hurt. And I took so long to help you in the end. Heh, I'm not a very good pilot. I think I just get lucky most times," Shinji said. He didn't know what else to talk about, their only real connection was the Eva Units.
Shinji's arm ached as he ate his food, the movement brought back old pains from the fight. No doubt Rei felt something similar, but neither spoke of it. An unspoken understanding.
"You... you are kind," Rei said. The pale girl managed to make eye contact with him for a brief moment.
Shinji was going to say that he tried to be, but Rei continued speaking before he could.
"You are kind to me. Why?" Rei said. She was looking directly at him, the mask of solemn silence she wore beginning to crack.
Shinji stopped eating to think about that.
He sensed that the answer was important to Rei, even if he didn't fully understand it. Why was he so kind to Rei? Because they were both Eva pilots? Because for some reason he felt drawn to her?
"I think because... you remind me of myself," Shinji said slowly, but from the heart.
A long lost memory stirred.
Nearly six years ago.
Mental Ward
Little Shinji sat alone in the cafeteria eating his meal slowly. He had stopped counting the days since he'd been placed in the ward. The last count had been 64 days in total. 64 days of wearing basically the same pair of plain white scrubs, of speaking only when spoken too, which was rare. After that, he didn't see the point in counting anymore.
The lonely little boy stared into his food barely bothering to eat. He knew that he had to eat, the staff got mad at him when he didn't. He didn't much care anymore, just another day of being isolated here. Of daily tests, medicine, lunch, and then back to his private room away from the other patients. The days bled into the next with little distinction.
"Hey! You!" a voice suddenly called.
Someone landed in the seat across from him and slammed their food tray onto his table.
CLANG.
Little Shinji nearly fell out of his chair. Suddenly, a girl that was a bit older than him, with long hair that fell past her shoulders, and wearing the same white scrubs, emerged across from him, her arms crossed and glaring at him.
"... hello," Little Shinji mumbled quietly.
"What? Why are you talking so low? Speak up!" the little girl said to him. She leaned across the table to glare at him.
Little Shinji shrank from the girl not sure what to do.
"I..." he began.
"I? I? What? Speak up!" the girl mocked him.
Little Shinji looked for the staff but found them mostly ignoring the patients, they only stepped in when something serious happened. Loud people were not uncommon in a mental ward.
"I know who you are. You're the boy that saw me steal the pudding," the little girl said in barely a whisper.
"I... I didn't tell anyone," Little Shinji managed to mumble.
"Stop mumbling. Speak up," the girl said. She suddenly stood up, climbing atop the table, and literally slid herself across to sit beside him.
Little Shinji practically had a heart attack as the girl landed beside him. He flinched as she grabbed her food tray and brought it towards her new seat beside him.
"What you say?" the girl asked in barely a whisper. She didn't have her eyes on him though, she kept glancing at the staff in the distance, making sure the two of them weren't being watched.
You forgot 'did'. You're supposed to say 'what did you say' Shinji thought. He did not correct the strange girl though, he was too afraid of her.
"I said I didn't tell anyone," Little Shinji said, trembling at the strange girl beside him.
"Good. Have some more," the girl said suddenly.
He felt something brush against his chest. He flinched, but then that same thing did it again.
"Take it, you dummy. I'm trying to be nice," the little girl hissed, eyeing the staff in the distance.
Shinji looked down to see the girl's hand, a cup of stolen pudding in her palm, brushing against his chest under the table. Little Shinji didn't know what to say, he'd already eaten his pudding, it was the only good thing about the food here.
"What? You don't like pudding? I saw you eat yours," the little girl whispered into his ear. The act made him jump but the girl put her other hand on his shoulder to keep him from falling out of his seat.
"... I like pudding," Little Shinji said stupidly. He took the dessert and put it on his food tray.
"Hmm, you don't talk much do you?" the strange girl asked.
"... no," Little Shinji said in barely a whisper.
"Mari," the little girl said. She pulled out another cup of stolen pudding from somewhere he couldn't see and put it on her food tray. How many cups did she steal?
"What?" Little Shinji whispered.
"My name. My name is Mari; you dummy," the little girl said as she started to eat beside him.
"Oh. Okay," Little Shinji said awkwardly.
"Dummy, this is the part where you tell me your name," Mari said giving him a jab in his side.
"Ah. Shinji, my name is Shinji," he said wincing from the jab.
"Shinji? What kind of name is Shinji?"
"... kind of name is... " Shinji mumbled more to himself than her.
"Why are you mumbling? Speak up," Mari said. She reached over, grabbing him by the cheek, and pulled him next to her ear so she could hear him.
Little Shinji almost had another heart attack, he couldn't remember the last time he'd had this much physical contact in a day, and now a girl had pulled him so close to her that he could smell her hair.
"I said... I said what kind of name is Mari?" Little Shinji said stupidly.
Mari pinched his cheek and glared at him, Little Shinji felt himself shrink under her gaze.
But then Mari laughed, he hadn't seen anyone laugh in a long time. Laughter. It sounded so strange in the ward, not the delusions of a patient, but warm... full of life... 'happy' even.
"You're funny, Shinji," Mari said letting him go as he stumbled back into his seat.
"You... you're so uninhibited," Little Shinji said, his voice barely a whisper, not a mumble. He'd learned what Mari would do if he mumbled and she couldn't hear him.
"Uninhabit... uninhubit... what's that word?" Mari said frowning at him.
"Uninhibited. It means you're without restraint. That you don't hold back what you feel," Little Shinji whispered.
"... yeah. I am like that. Hey! Why do you use that word? That's a grown-up word? How you know that word?" Mari asked suddenly.
She... she's so full of energy.
"I don't know. I just do. I... know things. No idea why," Shinji said, his vocabulary was higher than a child his age should have.
Mari stared at him frowning.
"You're weird," she said, taking a bite of her stolen pudding.
Little Shinji's face fell.
"I like you," Mari said suddenly.
"Eh?" Little Shinji stammered.
Mari slapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer until they bumped heads.
"Me and you. We're friends now. Okay?" she said, whispering into his ear conspiratorially with a wide smile planted firmly on her face.
"Okay," Little Shinji whispered back at this strange girl.
Her name was Mari Illustrious Makinami, and she was Shinji's first friend. She made Shinji find his voice again. Eventually, she made him smile.
The present.
"I think because... you remind me of myself," Shinji said slowly.
"Explain?" Rei said softly.
Shinji thought that over as he ate his lunch.
"I don't have many friends. And when I was younger I was in... I didn't talk much."
And we're both Eva pilots. We saved each other that day, the words went unspoken but seemingly understood between the two injured teenagers.
"I see. Shinji... are we friends?" Rei asked suddenly.
It was only then, now that he had snapped himself out of his memories, that Shinji saw he had Rei's complete attention. He had never seen her like that, red eyes boring into his intently. The rest of the world completely forgotten in her mind, only he existed to her at that moment.
The thing in his head stirred ever so slightly, barely noticeable and yet Shinji felt it. It said nothing, and it was gone in less than a second. But even without it, he would have been awkward, would have felt his face grow warm. No one had ever given him that much attention before.
"I think so. Yeah, we're friends."
"I would like that," Rei said before continuing her lunch.
They sat together in silence, but not altogether uncomfortable. Still, Shinji thought he saw the shadow of a smile on Rei's face.
Later.
After school was over, and Shinji and Rei parted ways, he headed for the school entrance to get picked up. Honestly, he still found the thing a little embarrassing, Misato going out of her way to drive him to and from school.
He had skipped school once, but Misato insisted on driving him to ensure that he attended class. A few students made comments, especially after the infamous 'handcuff day', but Shinji just tried to forget them.
Instead of Misato's car pulling into the entrance, it was a red car he had never seen before. The window rolled down and Dr. Akagi gestured for him to get in.
"Dr. Akagi? Where's Misato?" Shinji asked confused.
"Just call me Ritsuko. She's at the apartment finishing up paperwork. You have another test today; it was scheduled at the last minute. Sorry, but Misato called four times to let you know. You never answered."
She opened the passenger door for him as she spoke.
Shinji quickly reached into his bag, pulled out his phone, and saw that Ritsuko was right. Four missed calls, all from Misato.
Ah. She's gonna be really mad at me. No one else ever calls me though... need to start carrying it with me more often.
"I said I'd help her out by giving you a ride. Come on. The sooner the test is over the sooner you can go home," Ritsuko said simply.
Not knowing what else to do, Shinji got in the car and closed the door.
"Another sync test?" Shinji asked. He felt uncomfortable as he put his seat belt on, and Ritsuko drove off heading for Nerv.
"No, but it shouldn't take long," Ritsuko answered.
Shinji pondered that as he glanced at the older woman driving, she'd been a big part of his life since the day he first piloted Eva Unit 01. However, he didn't know if he liked Ritsuko. She'd given him that look when they first met by the elevators, the look that meant she knew about his past. That he made her nervous. Only that look had gone away in the days that had followed.
He didn't know what to make of her.
Nerv HQ.
Testing room.
"So Shinji, you were very quiet on the drive here. How are you feeling?"
Ritsuko was wearing her usual lab coat, and from the looks of it, she'd had very little sleep, while Shinji was still in his school clothes. Thankfully, Ritsuko had quickly and silently examined him physically and was now finishing up with his blood work.
"I still have aches but I'm feeling okay I guess," Shinji said with a shrug. He held out his arm with the partial cast for her to see.
He was sitting on a chair as Ritsuko finished examining his physical injuries, and came to the same conclusions the doctors at the hospital had. Shinji was hurt but would recover.
Why another physical? The hospital already did that? Shinji wondered.
"Have you noticed any strange sensations lately? Have there been any external stresses in your life since piloting? Have you been feeling unwell or tired lately?" Ritsuko asked. Her voice was plain and clinical.
External stresses? You mean besides piloting an Eva? He thought bitterly.
"No."
Ritsuko looked at him curiously. She seemed to be stealing herself up for something and debating whether or not to go through with it.
"Why couldn't you reach a 91% sync again? During the last attack?" Ritsuko asked finally.
"I don't know," Shinji answered truthfully.
Somehow, he got the feeling that Ritsuko didn't like that answer.
"Hmm, and yet you managed to pilot the Eva even after it ran out of power," Ritsuko muttered more to herself than Shinji.
"Only for a minute or so, and it was only to re-connect the power cable. It hurt... it hurt a lot," Shinji countered.
"Pain is to be expected. Impressive, but why couldn't your sync ratio go as high?" Ritsuko said, thinking aloud.
I know what she's doing. The last-minute test... a physical so we'd be alone, Shinji thought anxiously.
"You're wondering about the mental stability of the pilot. About my mental stability."
He said the words and cut straight through the maze that adults liked to adopt when talking. That was what Mari had always done when people tried to question her.
Ritsuko smiled at that, he was an observant lad.
"What makes you say that?" she said, pulling a needle from her lab coat.
Shinji didn't hold out his arm. Instead, he looked at her unblinkingly before speaking.
"I talked to Rei, she told me you theorized that the Evas are only compatible with kids because of our brain chemistry. And I wondered why Nerv would want someone with my history as a pilot. Someone who spent 5 years in a mental ward," he said, a little colder than he wanted.
In his head, Shinji imagined himself looming over Dr. Akagi, cool and calm, meeting her gaze and not backing down. In reality, he was a 14-year-old teenager, awkward, and his gaze faltered in the face of Ritsuko's cool detachment. Worse, he knew what the reality was.
He talked to Rei? How strange, the girl almost never talks at all, Ritsuko thought.
"I wondered the same thing. Yes, you're right Shinji; I did get a look at your medical files briefly and I know about your past. It's my job to know about the Eva pilots," Ritsuko said, gesturing for his arm.
Shinji reluctantly gave the doctor his arm and winced as Ritsuko stuck the needle in.
"Why haven't you told Misato?" Ritsuko asked.
She drew blood from Shinji's arm, then withdrew the needle with an ease that only comes with countless repetitions.
"... because everyone who knows treats me differently. You did, when we first met at the elevator," Shinji answered, meeting the doctor's gaze again.
"True. I didn't know what to expect, and I see now that perhaps I misjudged you," Ritsuko said, wrapping a small bandage on Shinji's arm.
"But you didn't tell her either?" Shinji asked.
Observant boy, isn't he? Yes, I didn't tell Misato because this clearly means something to you. And as cold as it might sound, we need you to pilot and that means we need to avoid any external pressures or stresses in your life, Ritsuko thought.
She'd already calculated this, the moment she discovered that Shinji had been the one to hang up on her call with Misato.
"No, I didn't tell her. Honestly, it's her fault for not reading your file when it was available. For the moment, it isn't relevant. But if that changes, I will tell her or maybe you should. The Evangelions are our only hope, and we take great care when it comes to their pilots," Ritsuko said.
"And yet you have a known Schizophrenic for a pilot," Shinji said. He gave her a cold look. Funny how his past always sent him on a short fuse.
"A known Schizophrenic with suspicions of Dissociative Identity Disorder. Yes, I know about the voice in your head. About the breakdowns and the hallucinations," Ritsuko said simply.
Shinji flinched back as if struck.
"I know about the suspected personality change. About the other-" Ritsuko began. Only for Shinji to cut in with barely a whisper, a low pleading voice.
"Don't. Don't bring that up. Please."
Ritsuko faltered but nodded.
"Okay, we don't have to talk about it. But surely you can understand my concerns. Look at it from my point of view, only a select few people can pilot. It's only natural that I look into them. Any issues a pilot has could affect the Eva."
Shinji narrowed his eyes saying, "I'm healthy. Dr. Page declared me sane and responsible enough to handle my own medicine over a year ago."
The way he talks there... so stern... so... angry... it reminds me of... his father, Ritsuko thought.
"Yes, your files stated you were released from the ward almost a year ago. Why don't you just tell Misato that?" Ritsuko asked genuinely curious.
"Like I said... everyone who knows treats me differently," Shinji said looking away.
"Hmm. It must have been bad before you got help," Ritsuko said carefully.
"... You have no idea. It's terrifying. A nightmare that doesn't stop. It's terrifying to hear a voice that no one else can, to see things that aren't really there... It's one thing to not trust yourself, it's another to not trust your eyes and ears... I don't want to talk about it," Shinji said avoiding her gaze. For the briefest moment, he reverted back to a shell-shocked kid.
The change in him unnerved Ritsuko before she got a hold of herself.
"Shinji... did you know that your father has denied me, and everyone else, further access to your medical files?" Ritsuko said suddenly.
That clearly surprised the boy for he frowned considering that.
"No, I didn't. Why would he do that? He doesn't care about me," Shinji said more to himself than to her.
Ritsuko snapped the boy out of his thoughts saying, "then I have a proposal for you. Since Misato doesn't know about your past, I'm going to assume that she doesn't know you're being prescribed medicine to deal with your condition. And I'm going to assume that you're running out of your meds and that you don't want them sent directly to you as usual. Because if you did, then Misato would wonder why."
Shinji stared at her wide-eyed and nodded.
"I'm running low... yeah."
Ritsuko coolly pulled a cigarette from her lab coat, put it in her mouth, and lit it taking a long whiff. Shinji watched wondering what she was getting at.
"Then I can arrange to receive your pills from now on. Every week, after your tests, I will give you your medicine for the week. You will get your medicine, and Misato won't have to find out about your past until she needs to," Ritsuko said coolly.
Why would she offer that? Why would she help me lie to Misato? Shinji thought.
"In return for?" Shinji asked feeling uneasy.
"I'll understand if you refuse, and if you do, then the offer still stands. Either way, I would like to ask you some questions about your time in the ward. All I want is some answers now that your medical files are essentially sealed," Ritsuko said plainly.
Of course, she still worried about the mental stability of her pilot... Shinji thought.
"... if I said no, then you'd still help me get my pills?" Shinji said slowly.
"Yes, it's your choice. I won't force you," Ritsuko said.
"Okay, I'll tell you what I can," Shinji said shifting uncomfortably. He didn't know what he was signing up for, but he needed his pills. He had reason to think that piloting the Eva made his condition worse.
Ritsuko actually smiled at him, a real smile and not one of the fake things that Shinji had seen for most of his life.
Nerv's head scientist got to her feet saying, "that will be all for now. Next week, make sure to come by my office after our tests are done."
"Can you take me back to Misato's?" Shinji asked hurriedly. He was afraid she'd forgotten that.
Ritsuko grabbed her car keys.
"Of course," the older woman said, already heading for the exit. The test hadn't actually been important anyway.
...
Sure enough, after Ritsuko had dropped him off, he saw his new guardian passed out on a desk with stacks of paper around her. Shinji tried to bring her a blanket to stay warm, but she woke and was clearly annoyed at how he didn't answer his phone. Yet another lecture.
... somethings never did change.
A little shorter than I initially wanted. But I'm happy with it.
Asuka! Mari! I had fun writing those two. I wanted to show the contrast between Shinji and Mari vs Shinji and Rei
If the dialogue in the flashback seems odd, it's because I tried to write them as children and how they don't have a full grasp of vocabulary yet.
Thanks for Reading and please Review