Hey guys, I'm back.
It's a very character-focused chapter with not as much plot.
Here's chapter 10 "Makinami I"
"I was never good with people. As a boy or as a man. I try to do good, but often I end up making it worse. There are times when I should have left things the way they were."
- the Broken Man
Japan, Tokyo-03.
Movie theater.
Shinji Ikari sat in the movie theater with Toji on his left, Rei on his right, and Kensuke further down. The colors and shapes danced on the wall-sized screen and he found himself wondering why he couldn't enjoy the movie the way his friends could.
"Bring it on!" the film's hero shouted. The music swelled up and reverberated throughout the theater as the hero charged towards the monster, gun raised.
Kensuke was completely glued to the movie screen. Toji was the same. The boys relished the violence and action on the screen.
Why would they fight in the middle of a city? A city without bunkers or defenses? So many people would get hurt? Shinji thought to himself as he watched the military drop bombs on the monsters, probably taking some influence from the Angels.
Come to think of it, Shinji noticed that a lot of this movie seemed to be taking inspiration from the Evangelion program and Nerv.
The movie's giant robot tackled a building-sized monster to the ground, cracking the concrete beneath them both and sending clouds of dust into the air, before dragging the beast through the streets. The monster scraped against buildings and stores as the hero dragged it along, leaving a trail of destruction in their wake.
It's like they're not even trying to save anyone, Shinji thought. He was never one to roll his eyes, but he had to fight the urge to do so as he watched the 'hero' of the film.
Shinji scooped more caramel popcorn into his mouth, enjoying the strange exotic taste of the western food, it was probably unhealthy for him but it sure tasted good. Westerners and their unhealthy delicious food.
He offered some to Rei beside him. The pale girl looked at him in the dark and wordlessly took a small handful. He thought she wasn't enjoying the film as much as Toji and Kensuke either. They were alike, Rei and him, the two of them.
Wait... she said she didn't like popcorn earlier. Why did she eat it? Shinji thought, remembering back when they had ordered their snacks for the movie.
Shinji did not understand girls. He really didn't, but Rei was his friend so he let it be.
He turned back to the screen and tried to enjoy the movie as the battle waged on.
After the film was over, Shinji, Rei, Toji, and Kensuke left the theater to find even more people lining up for the next showing.
"And the part where he was dragging the monster through the street," Kensuke was saying eyes wide.
"I don't know. That just seemed silly. Why would he drag it through the street? He'd just damage the city," Shinji said slowly as the four teenagers walked out of the theater.
"Because it was awesome. Come on, you have to be a man to fight those things," Toji said. The boy smirked before seeming to realize the irony of what he'd just said.
Kensuke only laughed as Shinji shook his head.
I'm an Eva pilot remember? The words went unsaid by Shinji, or anyone else, but it hung in the air all the same.
"Shinji is correct. Dragging it through the street would only destroy more of the city," Rei added in suddenly.
"Not you too!" Toji said, looking between Shinji and Rei.
"It's a movie. It just looks cool. Something to take your mind off things for an hour or two. You can understand that, can't you?" Kensuke said.
Wow. That was actually pretty clever, he thought in surprise.
"I suppose so. Yeah. It was dumb but it looked cool," Shinji shrugged
"Finally. I swear you're like an old man sometimes. Just enjoy the moment," Toji said slapping him on the back.
He almost dropped his popcorn.
"Hey, I'm not an old man," Shinji said sounding whiny even to himself.
"Shinji is not an old man," Rei said in her usual stoic tone.
"God, you two are talking in pairs now!" Toji said looking between the two.
"Just let it go. Eva pilots are a little weird, but in a good way," Kensuke said as the four of them walked on.
"Heh, yeah I guess we kinda are. Thanks, Ken," Shinji said.
He had taken Misato's advice lately and had been spending more time with his three friends, more time with people his own age. Though Toji and Kensuke had noticed that Shinji seemed to spend more time with Rei than anyone else.
"Alright then. It's getting dark, we should probably head back. About time you came with us for once Shinji. Seriously, you need to get out more," Toji said holding out a hand to shake.
"Thanks for inviting us," Shinji said shaking Toji's hand and then Kensuke's in turn. Shinji and Toji had gotten off to a rocky start, but somehow they'd managed to become friends. Same with Kensuke.
Maybe Misato was onto something, it was 'good' to spend time with normal people, people his own age, and to do whatever it was that the normal kids did all day.
"Goodbye," Rei said as the other boys parted ways with them.
That was another thing Misato had been right about, Rei seemed to be much more talkative around him.
...
"Shinji. Will you... will you walk me to my apartment?" Rei asked him as they walked through the semi-crowded streets of the city. She kept his gaze as she spoke, but he thought she seemed awkward. That was strange. He was the awkward one, not Rei.
"Sure. I always do?" Shinji answered wondering why she had asked. It just seemed like the right thing to do for a friend.
"Thank you," Rei said, with the shadow of a smile on her face.
"It's no problem. I just wish Misato could have given us a ride. It's a long walk," Shinji said as the two walked through the streets of the city at night. If they made good time they could catch the bus.
"I do not mind walking with you," Rei said simply.
Still, would have been nice to have a ride. Wonder what Misato is doing after all? The last Angel fight did not make the PR department happy...
Elsewhere.
Nerv HQ.
When Misato had gotten up today, knowing that she'd have another long night ahead of her, she certainly didn't expect to find herself here. Stuck in a very slow elevator with Kaji, the man pressed against her, kissing her, and surprisingly she found herself kissing him back.
She was pressed against the elevator and in some dark corner of her mind, she admitted that she enjoyed it. Kaji had always been a good kisser.
"No," Misato whispered breaking free and gently pushing Kaji back seconds before the elevator opened. The stack of papers she'd been carrying flew from the folder in her hand and scattered over the floor.
Misato hurried out of the elevator, glad that the hallway was empty, and panted out of breath.
"Forget it, Kaji. There's nothing between us anymore. Don't ever do that again. This never happened," Misato said running a hand through her hair.
Back in college Misato and Kaji had dated for some time before leaving on bad terms, yet Kaji seemed to not care about the past the way she did.
Kaji knelt down in the elevator picking up her dropped files, the man wasn't a complete jerk after all.
"You say that, but your lips say something else," Kaji said coolly holding up her dropped files.
"Stop trying to be so smooth," Misato said snatching the files without thanking him.
"Can't be done," Kaji remarked.
He hasn't changed. Always has to be the cool guy.
Misato narrowed her eyes at him.
Kaji seemed to take it in stride as he smirked at her until the elevator doors closed on him. He didn't seem to be getting off here, and she heard the whine of the elevator moving a second later.
Some personal things should stay in the past, Misato thought running a finger across her lips.
What she didn't realize was that her Nerv ID card had just been taken from her.
"Damn him. Agh, I hope Shinji's having a better night than I am," Misato muttered under her breath. She turned and left, the reports weren't going to turn themselves in.
Elsewhere.
"Goodnight Rei."
Shinji walked her to her door.
"Goodnight Shinji," Rei said opening the door to her much-improved apartment. Shinji had helped her clean it and she had done a good job maintaining it once Shinji had shown her how to. They'd spent a good afternoon one day of just him teaching her how to clean and helping her do the whole apartment.
Shinji turned to go but Rei called after him before he could, her hand tugging gently on his sleeve.
"Rei?"
"I... I would like to cook something for you. You are consistently cooking for myself and others, and I want to repay your kindness," Rei said slowly, her face flushed yet she kept her gaze planted firmly on him.
"Oh, Rei you don't have to-" Shinji began.
"I want to," Rei said surprisingly firm. She looked at him unblinkingly, and Shinji could honestly say that he'd never seen her like this before.
Her intensity might have unnerved most people who had only known Rei as that quiet odd girl. But Shinji thought he knew her better than most, it wasn't that she didn't have emotions, it was just that she didn't often show them. Shinji was perhaps the only person she ever showed her feelings too, some small part of him thought it was... sweet. Was that the right word? He thought so.
"Uh, it's getting dark soon. But some other time, sure," Shinji said thinking things over.
"Agreed. Though I do not have much skill in cooking. Perhaps you would be willing to teach me?" Rei asked hesitantly.
"Okay. When did you want to start?" Shinji asked. He could already see himself planning out lessons. Cooking wasn't too difficult, at least not on the scale that he did it, but he'd had a year of practice with his old teacher and caretaker. That man had been kind but distant, one of the only things they had done together was cooking.
"Tomorrow. After school?" Rei said.
Did she already plan all this out? Shinji thought.
He shook his head thinking things over saying, "sounds good. We can stop by the store around the corner from the apartments. We should start small, but I'm sure you'll do fine."
"Yes. I look forward to it," Rei said, almost beaming.
"Me too. It could be fun. See you tomorrow," Shinji said turning to leave.
"Tomorrow," Rei parroted watching him leave from the doorway of her apartment. She watched him until he disappeared down the stairs.
...
Rei did not fully understand these emotions but she cherished them. Cherished having a friend. Her... her first friend.
Misato's apartments.
Shinji found the apartment completely in the dark with no lights on.
Misato wasn't home, probably still at work. From the shoebox by the door he could see that Asuka was home, the girl spent a lot of time at Hikari's place, but she'd probably gone to bed already.
That suited Shinji just fine. Asuka could be bossy at times, and she seemed to 'like' arguing about anything and everything with him, but at the same time, she wasn't 'cold' towards him anymore. Ever since the last Angel attack, she generally treated him better, as if he wasn't just an enemy or rival anymore.
"Hey, Pen Pen," Shinji said seeing the penguin heading to his little room.
"Wark," the penguin squealed as if saying 'shut up and let me sleep.'
I can never tell if he likes me or not, Shinji thought off-handily.
He grabbed a change of clothes and took a shower. He made sure to take another one of his pills just before getting into bed with his nightclothes. It had been one of the most 'normal' days that he could remember having.
Shinji was perfectly okay with that. Boring, normal, and even peaceful days were a rare treat for him.
He drifted off to sleep in the comfort of his room.
The Dream.
Shinji floated in the void.
He knew... somehow he knew that he was dreaming. It was a strange feeling as if his senses were dulled but not gone. His body was slow and timid, yet his mind as active as ever.
Look.
The thing in his head was stirring again.
What? What is this- Shinji thought through the haze of the dream.
He was floating through a dark void. It reminded him of being submerged in LCL, like when he had first piloted Eva Unit 01.
You need to look.
The boy shuddered at the sound of the voice.
Shinji opened his eyes slowly. He saw that even here in the darkness, there was light. An ambient red light, a tint through the dark that let him see just a tiny bit. Somehow, he knew that he wasn't alone.
Something, no. Someone was in the dark with him. A woman.
He could only barely make her out in the ambit light. A figure in the distance.
The Woman in the Dark. The silhouette who had watched him in his old dreams. An image that he hadn't seen in years, a ghostly remnant from his very worst days in the ward.
Shinji had seen this woman when he was a child and his condition had been at its height. And he had seen her again the day Eva Unit 01 had been shot through the head. The day he'd had his first seizure in a year.
"Why are you doing this?"
Who said that?
Was it Shinji? Or someone else? He could feel his lips moving, could hear the sound emerge from his haggard throat, but they were words he had never spoken. Words that were his and yet not his.
The Woman in the Dark tilted her head, staring at him unblinkingly, the shadow of a smile on her lips.
"Why?" he felt himself asking.
The Woman in the Dark was gone. One moment she was standing far away from him and the next she was somewhere else.
Need my pills... need my pills. This isn't good! Shinji managed to think through his hazed mind. He tried to wake up but found that he couldn't. Like something would not allow him to wake just yet. 'It' kept him under, forcing him to remain in this space.
Gasp! Shinji thought yet his body did not react with him.
The Woman in the Dark reappeared behind him. She wrapped her arms around him, hugging him from behind, and trailed her hands down his chest gently. Her bare breast pressed softly against his back and she leaned her head onto his shoulder.
"Oh, sweet Shinji," the Woman in the Dark said. She nuzzled against him gently, humming softly.
That voice. It sounded so familiar yet different at the same time. He felt tears in his eyes. When did he start crying? Was he crying at all? Or was it someone else? He felt a feeling of sorrow that ached so deep within him that he almost fell to his knees.
"I am doing this because I love you," The Woman in the Dark said holding him close.
Shinji felt his chest stiffen and his heart grow heavy. No one had told him that in years... words that he had thought to never hear again. It woke something unspoken in him, a silent pang deep within his soul. A longing. A need.
"I do," the Woman said bringing her lips to his neck and kissing him softly. The touch held no desire, no lust, but love. So pure and unconditional, so warm.
This... this isn't right... Shinji thought. He was unable to move. His mind was racing, yet his body was immobile.
Pay attention, the thing in his head stirred.
But I? She... who is she?
He gasped, his breath taken away from him at what the Woman told him next.
"I love you with all my heart," the Woman in the Dark said.
She clung to him as if they were one, flesh upon flesh, warmth upon cold.
He knew. Shinji didn't know how, but he knew that the woman was telling the truth. She loved him. She loved him with her entire being, with everything that she had. And that fact almost overwhelmed him with raw emotion.
She took his hands in hers, intertwining their fingers together. Soft skin touching rough aged hands.
Shinji sobbed at this feeling in his chest.
His fingers... what was wrong with his fingers. He was... he was missing a few on one hand. What?!
The world around him shifted in the dark. Space itself moving around him.
The Woman in the Dark disappeared and then reappeared again. She materialized in front of him, her hands holding his with such care. Even now, her face was hidden from him. The shadows clung to her and even to him.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..." he said speaking words that were not his as tears slid down his face.
"It's time," she said.
I know you. I know you! Shinji thought even as his body moved of its own accord and dried its tears, wiping them off his face.
"Goodbye, Shinji. There's no going back. Remember me, that's all I want. Remember me," she said stroking his face gently.
"You..." Shinji, the real Shinji, said his voice cracking with emotions that he couldn't understand.
The Woman in the Dark let him go and she floated away in the void. No, she wasn't moving. He was. He was the one floating away.
I- you... Mother... mom! Shinji thought as the woman started to fade away.
He broke free of what was binding him. Moving for the first time since the dream had started. He ran after her, leaving silhouettes of his body trailing in his wake.
"Mom!" Shinji, the real Shinji, hiccuped as the woman faded further and further away.
Please don't, he thought. Pain welled up in his chest, an old pain. A child's hurt. A lonely little boy running after the only one that had ever loved him.
"Don't leave me again!" Shinji shouted tears streaming down his face as he ran.
The Woman in the Dark was almost completely gone.
"Don't go!" He sobbed.
No matter how far or how fast he ran, it wasn't enough. The woman was just a tiny speck in the distance now.
"Please... I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts," Shinji whimpered as the woman faded away leaving him all alone in the void.
Please... please don't go... he thought.
Shinji sank to his knees in the dark, sobbing into his hands. He wept openly and couldn't stop. Why did everyone leave him? Why did he always end up alone? Memories of his past came flooding back to him, of his isolation, of Mari leaving the ward without him, her leaving him all alone too. Of his father never visiting him. Of the countless days spent in his private room with nothing in his life. Of being released from the ward and sent off to live with his teacher and caretaker. Of a birthday that he'd spent alone even in the outside world.
"I hate being all alone..." Shinji sobbed under his breath.
The voice returned, speaking up from nearby.
She's not your mother. Yui Ikari is dead. She's gone and she won't come back.
An older man was there with him now. Looming over him in the dark.
"Why?" Shinji sobbed not bothering to look up.
Why what?
"Why are you showing me this?!" Shinji screamed even as he sobbed into his hands.
This hurt. It hurt so much. More than anything he'd ever known. This emptiness inside him, a wound that cut far deeper than anything physical.
Because you needed to see it.
"I hate you," Shinji whispered out from his heavy sobs. The words that left his mouth were bitter and cold, hard in a way that he'd not known he could be.
The old man said nothing. He only watched Shinji sobbing on his knees in the void.
This was too soon. I should not have done this.
Shinji felt a rough hand grab him by the shoulder.
Open your eyes, boy.
Shinji woke with a start, tears in his eyes, his hand trembling, and strangely enough... Asuka was standing over him.
"… ah ah. Asuka? What- what are you doing in my room?" Shinji stammered through his tears.
He sat up wrapping his arms around himself.
"I heard you crying. You were sobbing so loud I could hear it through the walls..." Asuka said narrowing her eyes at him.
The German Prodigy stood in her nightclothes, her arms crossed, and looking down at him with something almost like concern.
"I did?" Shinji asked. He stammered out the words and had trouble getting them out. His lips were trembling and he felt drying tears on his face.
Shinji rubbed his hands along his arms trying to get a hold of himself and took a deep shuddering breath. Those emotions had felt so real. And he had been sobbing in his sleep, so loudly that he'd apparently woken Asuka.
Asuka raised an eyebrow at him, blinking slowly, a cross between awkward and embarrassed.
He wrapped his arms around himself in a hug. He knew it was silly. Hugging himself. But there was no one else, no one to hold him when he was scared and alone, or when he was uncertain and lost. No one to hold his hand.
And there hasn't been since mom died... Shinji thought somberly. He felt like weeping again, felt like breaking down into sobs. But he held it in, now was not the time. Not here with Asuka hovering over him. Damn, he must have looked so pathetic at this moment. A boy crying over his mother.
Shinji closed his eyes tight, fighting the tears and forcing them back.
Asuka was watching him wordlessly. She didn't know what to do. She raised an awkward hand trying to think of something to say, but she lowered it finding nothing.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Bad dreams," Shinji managed to stammer out. He felt his hand trembling again, that nervous motion he'd picked up ever since Unit 01 was shot in the head.
"You talk in your sleep. Something about your mom," Asuka said avoiding his gaze. She sounded as if she had to force the words from her gritted teeth. Like she had to fight the urge to mock him. It was oddly… 'nice' of Asuka in her own way.
"I don't want to talk about it," Shinji said a tad too quickly.
He breathed softly, in and out, calming himself down from the dream he had. He found it hard to focus. It wasn't healthy to dwell on these thoughts and memories, they only made him miserable.
"Tck. I wasn't offering to listen, idiot! I... I was only saying that you talk in your sleep," Asuka said starting off on another rant. Shinji winced but then the girl stopped herself at the last minute.
If Shinji hadn't been so shaken he would have marveled at her legitimately trying to be 'nice' to him.
"Right. Sorry," Shinji said holding himself and rocking slightly from under his bedsheets.
"You apologize too much," Asuka muttered looking away from him.
"Where is Misato? If I woke you up why not her?" Shinji asked after several moments of breathing.
"Not home. She left a note saying she'd be working late tonight. Don't you remember?" Asuka said with a shrug.
"Oh right. I- thanks. For checking on me. Please don't tell Misato. She'd only worry and she has enough to deal with. I think I'll be okay now," Shinji said having calmed down enough to speak properly.
"Whatever. It's your business, not mine. Just don't forget to make breakfast and pack lunch for us."
"Right," Shinji said trying to wipe the tears from his face. Damn, they just wouldn't stop. He held them at bay, but the tears lingered in his eye. He needed Asuka to leave the room already. He needed to let it out.
"And don't think this means you can come into my room, okay?" Asuka suddenly snapped at him but without her usual venom.
"Why would I want to go into your room?" Shinji asked honestly surprised at her words.
Asuka looked at him like he was an idiot, "because you're a boy."
She walked off leaving him to his room.
Once she was gone, Shinji ran his hands through his hair in sheer frustration. He sat there for several minutes, his face cradled in his hands, breathing softly and letting it out. He allowed himself to cry in the privacy of his room. Minutes later, and he was done. The tears had stopped. Shinji exhaled, calming himself.
Sorry, the thing in his head stirred.
Shinji wanted to yell, to shout out, to curse or punch something, but he held it in. Instead, he groggily got up from his bed, found his bag, opened it, grabbed a single red pill, and swallowed it.
He left his room and headed for the bathroom to wash his face. He sighed as the cool water ran down his skin, wiping away the last of the tears.
Must have been bad if Asuka didn't tease me about it, Shinji thought offhandedly.
He ended up having a lot of trouble sleeping that night. He was afraid to dream again, but thankfully when he drifted off it didn't happen again. Such a shame, he'd been having such a normal day before...
Morning.
Misato's apartment.
"Look, can't you just assign me a temporary one? I don't know where it is, I must have dropped it somewhere," Misato was saying over the phone as she dressed for work.
Shinji stood in the kitchen making lunch for Asuka and him, only vaguely paying attention to Misato's phone call.
"I memorized my I.D. Number, but the card is faster. All right, all right, I'll get another card made. Thanks," Misato said ending her phone call.
"Trouble at work?" Shinji asked from the kitchen.
She noticed that he was already dressed in his school clothes. The boy was usually the first one to get up and it still surprised Misato every time.
"Yeah, I lost my ID card. No idea where it fell. But that's nothing, just a small issue. The PR guys are still a bit fussy about our track record, and the city government is 'concerned' about the presence of four Evangelion Units. Typical b.s." Misato said.
"I thought four units would make them happy," Shinji said slowly as he rubbed his eyes.
"In a perfect world. But every time there's a battle there's property damage. Hence the city government complains. It's an endless cycle," Misato said watching Shinji as he stumbled along packing his and Asuka's lunches.
"I can understand that," Shinji said slowly.
Why does he always make food for everyone? Does he even want to or does he just follow orders? Misato thought as Asuka entered the kitchen in her school clothes.
"Thanks," Asuka muttered taking the lunch Shinji handed her.
"You alright Shinji? You seem a bit tired?" Misato asked watching him pack his own lunch.
"Trouble sleeping. It comes and it goes," Shinji said avoiding her gaze as he headed for the door with Asuka.
He never talks about what bothers him. I know I shouldn't push, but I wish he'd talk to someone.
Misato watched the two teenagers leave her apartment. One of these days she would make time to sit and talk with Shinji about what was bothering him, but for now, she had work to do. Misato sighed getting ready for work.
…
Shinji met Rei where he usually did outside, they walked to school together almost every day. Only now Asuka was nearby as well. An unusual circumstance due to him rushing to leave the apartment after Misato noticed his tired eyes, he didn't want to talk about it so he had left as quickly as he could.
"You are very quiet today. Are you unwell?" Rei asked as they walked to school.
"I'm okay. Just had trouble sleeping," Shinji said doing his best to forget the dream.
Nothing good would ever come of trying to remember. The days of him holding onto his madness had ended the day he left the ward, and he'd decided a long time ago he was never going back.
"You are having bad dreams again?" Rei asked as they walked.
Again? Oh yeah, she was there when I woke up in the hospital. She said I talked in my sleep. She remembered that? Shinji thought honestly surprised. Rei missed very little it seemed.
"It comes and it goes. I'll be fine. Just a bad night..." Shinji said in a low voice.
"It was bad. He was sobbing for his mother," Asuka called suddenly. The German Prodigy glanced back at the two of them.
Shinji blinked his tired eyes at that. He glared, actually angry at Asuka for once. He knew what he had looked like that night, he did not need her rubbing it in. Not this time, he wasn't in the mood to be called a 'wimp'.
"How do you know this?" Rei asked tilting her head at Asuka.
"I could hear him from my room. 'Mom', 'mom', 'I hate being all alone' I had to wake him up to stop," Asuka said glancing back at them.
Only she was wrong, she hadn't woken Shinji, he had woken to find her standing over him.
"So did you. The night before the last Angel attack, you came into my room to sleep. I heard you call out for your mom too," Shinji said with narrowed tired eyes.
Asuka scoffed.
"You're dreaming, I'm a grown woman. Idiot, I was trying to help, but fine. Be like that."
Then without another word, the redhead stormed off.
Rei slowed her pace to match Shinji's as he thought things over.
She wasn't mocking you. Not really. Asuka doesn't know how to be nice. She doesn't know how to help because she's just as damaged as you are.
Go away.
You are not the only one with problems, boy. You've seen her try to be nicer. That's a start, don't ignore that.
Go away!
Shinji felt his hands clenched into fists.
Rei put a hand on his shoulder snapping him out of his thoughts. He gasped, blinking in surprise as Rei tilted her head at him unblinkingly.
"You are tired and upset," Rei said. It wasn't a question.
Shinji paused, opening his mouth to say something. He couldn't think of anything to say and closed it again.
"If you stay home then I will collect your worksheets for the day," Rei said in her usual stoic tone.
It was still strange to Shinji, Rei going out of her way to help him sometimes. But they were friends so he figured he shouldn't be surprised.
"No, I've missed enough school already. I don't mean to take it out on you. Besides we were going to have our first lesson today right? You wanted to learn to cook?" Shinji said doing his best to get over himself.
"Yes. I want to cook something for you," Rei said managing a small grin for him.
"Then I'd better go. We should hurry or we'll be late," Shinji said calming himself.
"We will be on time," Rei said as the two teenagers headed for school.
Geofront.
Nerv HQ.
Misato found the memo on her desk and scowled at it.
'Hey, found your Nerv ID. Must have dropped it in the elevator that one time that didn't happen'
-Kaji the Smooth
There lying on her desk below the memo, was her Nerv ID card. Now she'd have to call the tech guys and tell them she didn't need a replacement card after all.
"Damn him," Misato said snatching up the card. She shook her head, heading to the employee cafeteria to meet up with Ritsuko.
Misato found her friend already sitting at a table, wearing her lab coat, food pushed off to the side, and going through several reports of some kind.
"We talked about this. Don't bring the work to lunch," Misato said taking a seat beside Ritsuko with her food.
"Can't be helped. What's up with you? Boy trouble? Kaji piss you off again?" Ritsuko asked. Just like that, Ritsuko could figure out what was most likely bothering her. The woman knew her friend alright.
"You could say so. I don't wanna talk about it. Let's just eat and I can forget it ever happened," Misato said sighing as Ritsuko cleared some space on the table for her.
"Will do," Ritsuko said almost chuckling.
School.
The day went by as usual. With the teacher droning on and on about some subject or other, Shinji did his best to take notes but he mostly didn't care. Maybe he was being mean, but after piloting everything else just seemed small by comparison. Normal, but not altogether boring.
He kept himself busy to past the time since he had plans with Rei after school. Speaking of Rei, she seemed to be in a 'brighter' mood throughout the day.
She had even said good morning when walking into class, an act which surprised a lot of their classmates.
At lunch, Shinji and Rei joined Toji and Kensuke as usual whilst Asuka joined Hikari. There was still some tension between Shinji and Asuka today, they never really sought the other out in school, but today his friends could see them pointedly ignoring each other.
Toji and Kensuke were kind enough not to bring it up, and Shinji was grateful for that. Instead, they just kept talking about the film they saw last night.
"Yeah it was good," Shinji said when they asked him about it.
"Don't be an old man. It was amazing," Toji was saying.
"The part with the planes coming in for an air assault with the music playing," Kensuke said his eyes wide as he remembered the scene.
"Ha, I remember you almost standing up in excitement. Careful Ken you might get us kicked out of the theater," Shinji said only teasing.
"I can't help it," Kensuke said as Toji teased him too.
Shinji chuckled watching his 'normal' friends tease each other back and forth, or else talk about the dumb action movie from before. They really were normal kids, in some ways he envied them. The way they could be awkward and yet at ease with each other and other people their age, the way they could get excited and enjoy something as simple as a movie with that much passion.
He wished that he could enjoy anything as much as they did, but for some reason, he couldn't. At least not the way they did. Shinji was different than them, he didn't ogle over girls the way they did, he didn't enjoy the spectacle of violence. There was a reason they called him 'old man.'
"And you Rei? Did you enjoy the movie?" Shinji asked, not wanting to leave her out of the conversation.
Rei looked up from her lunch.
"It was visually impressive. However, it should be noted that the military tactics used would not be very effective in reality."
Eh. I guess she doesn't like action movies, Shinji thought.
"I know what you mean. But Ken is onto something, its good to just forget things and enjoy the show every now and again. I haven't been to the movies much before so I enjoyed it," he said.
"Me too. I had never been until you invited me," Rei said returning to her food.
I hear you, Rei. The two of us need to get out more.
After lunch, Shinji and Rei had to part ways due to their schedules. Later, he saw her during physical education, swimming with the other girls, whilst him, Toji, and Kensuke ran track.
Of course, Toji always came up on top when it came time for track. The boy had a tendency to try and start races but Shinji never took the bait. He only shook his head saying "good job, you're the fastest."
Instead, Shinji lagged behind with Kensuke chatting about whatever. Once classes were finished and they were let go, Shinji and the others took off. He had already been planning what to teach Rei first, something simple like a plain meal of miso soup and white rice.
Toji and Kensuke walked with him as he headed off to meet up with Rei by the store.
Or at least, that had been Shinji's plan until he and his friends were almost run over when they stepped out into the street just outside their school.
"Ah!' Kensuke said as Toji had to grab him and pull him back.
Shinji stumbled back too, as a girl on a motorbike drove by them as if she was on a highway.
"Crazy woman!" Toji shouted almost cussing as the motorbike slowed to a stop.
The boys took on dumbfounded expressions as the girl turned around to drive in front of them at a steady pace.
"Mari?" Shinji said in disbelief.
There sitting before them on her motorbike was Mari dressed in a pair of jeans, a simple t-shirt, black riding shoes, and a brown leather jacket. The bike hummed as the engine ran, the machine was a standard bike not too bulky but thin enough to be light and fast.
The older girl beamed up at them.
"Hey there dummy, how's it hanging?" Mari asked bemused at the expression in all three boys' faces. Shock, awe, and on Toji and Kensuke, a sense of being completely bewildered.
"Mari," Shinji said smiling at her presence.
She laughed at him at saying, "that is my name."
"How? Where did you get that?" Shinji said cracking up with laughter as Toji and Kensuke marveled at the motorbike before them.
"A dealership. I don't have restrictions on my money, and Eva piloting pays well," Mari said smirking at him.
"It's beautiful," Toji said looking Mari's bike up and down.
"Don't you need a license?" Shinji asked still smiling and in disbelief at how she kept coming into his life seemingly at random.
"I do have a license, dummy. I'm 17. I can drive what I want," Mari answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"She's so cool," Kensuke was whispering to himself in awe. The otaku shook his head, camcorder out, and recorded everything.
I can't believe I'm thinking this, but I think Ken is embarrassing me... Shinji thought awkwardly.
"I had to ask around to find where you went to school. Come on, Shinji. Hop on, you're coming with me. My punishment is over and I have free reign at long last," Mari said patting the seat behind her on the motorbike.
"About time, I thought my father would never set you free," Shinji said.
They hadn't been able to see each other much since she arrived in Japan, just that one time in Misato's apartment and that was really it. But finally, finally, they could catch up.
His first friend.
"Sorry boys, Shinji only."
Mari glanced at the dejected boys. Though of course, the invitation was only for Shinji, she didn't know Toji or Kensuke, and there was only room for one passenger anyway.
Don't go with her.
Shinji stilled at that.
What the? Why does everyone hate my friend! He thought.
"Go on dude. We don't mind, you lucky man," Toji said patting him on the back completely jealous.
Shinji. Do not go with her.
He took a step forward taking in the sight of the motorbike, before slowly sliding his leg over and getting on behind Mari.
"Uh... What do I hold on to?" he asked awkwardly.
Shinji don't-
Go away. Need my pills, he thought.
Mari glanced back at him as if he'd just asked the silliest question.
"Me, dummy," she said with a coy look on her face.
"What?" Shinji asked unable to stop laughing. This wasn't how he thought the day would go, but he wasn't complaining either.
"My hips, Shinji. Hold onto my hips. Wrap an arm around my waist if you feel like you're gonna fall," Mari said growing serious once she saw that he really didn't know what to do.
You should stop. Tell her some other time.
Shinji ignored the thing in his head and awkwardly put his hands around Mari's waist.
"You're gonna fall like that, dummy. Here," Mari said laughing. She took his stumbling hands in hers and wrapped them around her waist.
"See you around, Shinji," Kensuke said camera still in hand and recording everything.
"Bye Ken, Toji," Shinji said still grinning like an idiot.
Mari put her bike in drive and took off with him in tow.
...
Kensuke and Toji watched the coolest girl that they knew drive off with the most awkward guy in the school and shook their heads.
"Hey, Ken?" Toji said staring off at the disappearing Mari and Shinji.
"Yeah?"
"You ever notice how many pretty girls Shinji knows?" Toji said.
"Oh, yeah. Misato, Rei, Asuka, and now Mari. I notice. Oh, do I notice. Some guys get all the luck," Kensuke said smirking behind his camera as he recorded them driving off in the distance.
"What do those girls see in him?!" Toji groaned.
The city.
"Oh my god! This is so scary!" Shinji shouted.
He held on for dear life as Mari drove the motorbike in and out of traffic lanes. She swerved through cars like they were nothing. It was like being dropped into a chase scene from an action film. The changes in gravity, the feeling of the air whipping across his skin, the light roar of the engine, all in time with the movement of Mari and her motorbike.
"I know! Isn't it awesome?!" Mari called back grinning, though she couldn't look back at him while driving.
Mari swerved again, turning into another lane and following it around the block. Her bike leaned on its side and almost pressed to the street floor. Shinji tightened his grip on her and had to fight the urge to scream like a little girl, but Mari knew what she was doing, they never actually touched the floor. The bike completed the turn and went upright once again.
You had plans for the day.
Go away.
You're forgetting something. You promised that you-
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shinji thought fiercely. And amazingly, the thing in his head went away.
Couldn't he just enjoy a single day with his first friend? Why did everyone he knew try to stop them from speaking? His father, and even Misato.
"Whoa there, quite the grip you got. You trying to put the moves on me?" Mari called teasingly as she drove.
"Hmm. Sorry, just not used to this," Shinji stammered out.
He hadn't realized that his hands had clenched into fists whilst he had been arguing with the thing in his head.
"It's cool. Anyway, I know this really great place in the inner city where we can catch up. You'll love it, or at least I will and you can watch me love it," Mari said smirking.
Shinji snorted with laughter at that. There was just something about his first friend that brought out his lighter side, something that had always made him laugh with the smallest of things.
At the same time.
Rei Ayanami stood outside the store, waiting for Shinji where they had agreed to meet after school.
He was running late. But still, Rei waited. Waited and waited for him, for her only real friend.
Shinji didn't come. Nervously, Rei got out her phone and called him. The boy never answered, and the phone would ring and ring until going to voicemail every time.
She waited again and Shinji never came. Rei had started to hate these strange feelings that overcame her at times like this, this discomfort that was not physical, this gloom that she carried in her chest.
Meanwhile.
Kaji took a seat at a booth of the small diner he was in. He ordered a cup of coffee, mostly keeping to himself, as a woman took a seat in the booth beside him and began reading the newspaper.
He took a long drink of his coffee when it arrived and winked at the waitress as she was leaving. Kaji smirked at the flush the woman had on her way out.
"Don't be such a man whore," the woman sitting in the booth beside him said.
"I'm not. Just being friendly. Can't a man be friendly?" Kaji asked coolly taking another drink of his coffee.
The woman nearby stood and quietly joined him at his booth, sliding in with her own coffee and newspaper.
She was from the Japanese Ministry of the Interior, and together they were investigating Nerv and possible connections to SEELE. She was a bit older than Kaji, dressed like an average woman going about her day, but he knew that she had a gun in her purse all the same.
"What was so urgent that you had to meet in person?" the woman said. They didn't use names in public or in private. Better that way.
"Been looking into things. Nerv has good security so it hasn't exactly been easy. I found some things but I can't follow up on them. I need some help, so I'm calling you in," Kaji said simply.
"Go on," the woman said taking a sip of her coffee.
"I did work for Commander Ikari that I can't explain. No idea what he needs it for. 'Took' property for him that he did not own, and delivered it to the Geofront. Almost got caught. But I've been looking around what files I could get into on Nerv's databanks. They're very interested in the Eva Pilots," Kaji said growing serious.
No witty charm or smooth remarks this time.
"And why wouldn't Nerv be interested in their Eva Pilots?" the woman, the agent, from the Japanese Ministry said.
"Because there's almost nothing on them apart for the Second Child. She has records from Germany and they're all there. But the others... The First Child's records are blank as if she just appeared one day and became a pilot. That's strange. The Fourth Child is some girl from a rich family, but she's the oldest pilot, and Dr. Page of all people was her temporary guardian during the move back to Japan," Kaji said.
The waitress came back asking if they needed anything. Kaji accepted a refill and waited for the waitress to leave before continuing.
"Dr. Page? She's no doctor but she has a lot of pull with the right people," the agent said slowly.
"More than that. The Third Child, he's the son of Commander Ikari. Nerv has been watching him more than any of the other pilots," Kaji said in a low voice.
"Commander Ikari's son? That bastard let his own child pilot an Eva? Even knowing the risks?" the agent whispered coldly.
Kaji nodded.
"There's no love lost between the two as far as I can tell. They don't talk, and they're not on good terms. But here's the thing, I swiped the Nerv ID card off his legal guardian and made a copy card."
"Did she suspect anything? You're taking a lot of risks," the agent said narrowing her eyes at him.
"She doesn't. I know her actually, and I already returned the original card. I went digging with the copy that I made. The Third Child, his files are protected. And almost all of the boy's medical files have been sealed. I tried using his guardian's Nerv ID, but even she isn't allowed to see them," Kaji said.
"So what's so special about this boy and his medical files? Why go through all that trouble just for him?" the agent asked coolly.
"I don't know. Nerv has put a lot of effort into keeping anyone from seeing those files. They're more interested in him than any other pilot. I did some digging on my own, and all I got was a name. The name of a foreign, and privately owned, facility, based here in Japan," Kaji said taking a sip of his coffee.
"I take it you want me to look into it?" the agent said not really asking a question.
"Yeah. There's something about the Third Child that has got Nerv's attention. During his first-ever piloting run, against an Angel no less, he achieved a 91% sync ratio," Kaji said.
The agent nearly spat the coffee out of her mouth.
"What?" the woman whispered in awe.
"91%. He only did it for a few seconds, and he's never been able to do it a second time. Anyway, far as I can tell the Third Child spent a few years in that facility. I want to know what he was there for. And I think you will too," Kaji said eerily serious.
He slid a folder filled with various papers across the table and the agent took it, hiding it under her newspaper.
"I'll look into it. Good job, you're doing better than I thought. Try to keep a low profile and get as much on them as you can," the agent said.
Kaji got to his feet saying, "don't worry. Everyone underestimates me."
He left the diner and lit a cigarette, taking a deep whiff, as he headed back out into the city. There were a lot of unanswered questions, but he would take his time.
Tokyo-3 Inner city.
"You get used to it. The thrill of the ride, it'll put hair on your chest," Mari was teasing as Shinji got off her bike.
"I thought I was gonna fall off a few times," Shinji said chuckling more at himself than anything else. He knew Mari wouldn't have let him get hurt on purpose.
Mari parked her bike saying, "I'd not let you fall, dummy."
"Where are we?" Shinji asked as he followed Mari. He'd never been to this part of the city before, it was busy and there seemed to be a lot going on.
"A place I know with good music. We're going to dance, and then we're going to catch up," Mari said leading him down an alley where they emerged on a street leading up to a park.
A park where people had set up a concert for the public. It was probably the strangest and most wonderful thing Shinji had ever seen. People were already packed in getting ready for the public event, a stage had been set up with lights and speakers.
"Uhhh. I don't dance," Shinji said nervously.
Mari took his hand saying, "the hell you don't. I seem to remember a certain Angel that was killed by a pair of dancing Eva units."
She's got me there, Shinji thought.
"Don't be scared. It's just a place to have fun and let off some steam," Mari said. She held his hand as they entered the park with the other crowds of people. There were people ten years older than him there, as well as some closer to Mari's age, and some adults already packed in.
The music started playing and within minutes people had started dancing along or else enjoying the show as lights flashed displaying strange and beautiful patterns in time with the music.
"Don't just stand there, dummy. Dance with me," Mari said shaking Shinji by the shoulder.
He took a second to watch all the people moving, and he felt uneasy at the sight of the growing crowd.
"I don't know how... " Shinji said slowly.
He stayed close to Mari as the concert started drawing more and more people into the open area of the park.
"Come on, it's not rocket science. You just move along with the music. Rock your head to the beat, like this," Mari said.
Shinji tried copying her but she just laughed at him.
"I'm hopeless," Shinji said grinning in spite of himself.
"You gotta stop worrying so much. Just enjoy the moment. Who cares if you look ridiculous, just do it," Mari said dancing in time with the music. Rocking her head in time with the beat and then moving the rest of her body seemingly at random.
The crowd of people did the same, but Shinji only stood. He was apart from the crowd whilst being in it, still and hesitant as he watched Mari dance for a moment. She really was beautiful, so full of life. The same girl he remembered meeting back in the ward, the girl who had brought back his smile.
Slowly, Shinji started doing the same, and Mari beamed at him. Maybe she was onto something, maybe he should just learn to enjoy the moment and not overthink things.
Mari never left his side, always dancing with or beside him amid the crowd of other people dancing, milling about, or else watching the free event.
Shinji lost track of time as he danced with Mari. He wasn't as good as she was, but she often took the time to show him something else he could do. This wasn't a formal dance or a coordinated event like the Angel attack plan, it was just people letting off steam. There weren't any rules, and no one cared if he was bad so he learned to do his own thing or just follow Mari's lead.
Mari didn't mind. In fact, she seemed happy to take the lead. He followed along with her and he found himself actually having fun. The uneasiness he'd felt vanished and the rest of the world filtered out, leaving only himself and Mari. He danced with his first friend in the entire world, and it was like a wound inside of him was finally starting to heal. It left him flushed and dazed in a pleasant sort of way.
"See, I knew you had it in you!" Mari said, having to shout through the concert as they danced.
"Yeah! I just never knew I did!" Shinji said having to shout back.
It was getting harder and harder to hear each other. He tried to say something but then the music drowned him out. He gave up with a roll of his eyes, grinning at the timing. Of course, that was just his luck. Then he shrugged and kept dancing with Mari.
They danced for what seemed like hours at the concert. The light show went on and on in the background while Shinji found himself enjoying the night surrounded by people he didn't know, with Mari at his side.
It was something he'd have never done on his own. Something that he wouldn't have even thought to try, but then Mari had always been the adventurous one. The one to try new things and drag him along too, not that he minded either.
Later, after Shinji was so tired that he was almost falling over, Mari took him out of the 'dancing pit' for lack of a better word. She guided him away from the crowd and got them drinks at a nearby booth. Together they managed to find some chairs to sit in while the concert started to die down around them.
"After leaving the ward, I was sent back to my family. They're wealthy but I don't see them much. I tried to contact you, but the staff wouldn't let any of my letters through and my folks found out. They weren't happy, they wanted me to leave all traces of the ward behind," Mari was saying.
"I did wonder why you never tried to contact me," Shinji said taking a drink of his water. His feet were tired but he couldn't remember the last time he'd been so... been so 'happy'.
Mari poked him on the head saying, "I did try! I tried a lot! I missed you, you know."
"Ack, I know, I know. I missed you too," Shinji said, rubbing his forehead where she had poked him.
"Anyway, a few years later some men in suits came and I had to undergo some tests. They said I was compatible with the Evas, and I was shipped off for a sync test. I scored really well, and months later after a lot of training simulations, here I am. Then I ran into your scrawny butt on the Over the Rainbow," Mari said continuing her story.
"I'm not that scrawny, am I?" Shinji asked slowly.
"You're kidding, right? I've got more muscle than you," Mari teased.
She grabbed him by the arm feeling his nonexistent muscle. Then she flexed her arm showing him her muscle. The difference was a stark contrast indeed.
"Come on, I've only been outside the ward for about a year and a half," Shinji said defensively. But he knew she wasn't being serious, and neither was he. They were just poking fun at each other.
"Still, I gotta admit. I was impressed watching your first run in Unit 01. The way you used the Angel's own weapon against it. That was cool," Mari said smirking at him.
"You saw that?" Shinji asked honestly surprised.
"Yup, the Nerv branch in Germany let us look at some of the footage. Though I gotta say, you don't know how to punch for shit. You were just throwing your hand at the Angel's face. No technique at all. It did the job though, well done," Mari said beaming at him.
Shinji scoffed saying, "I'm not much of a fighter."
"You don't give yourself enough credit. You handled it better than I thought you would. Hmm, you're not the quiet little kid I met in the ward all those years ago," Mari said oddly serious.
"Yeah, well you're not the little girl I caught stealing pudding either," Shinji said.
"I was only borrowing them. Besides, you ate it too," Mari teased.
They both laughed.
"I really appreciate this. I was having a bad day earlier but I can't remember why anymore. My friend Kensuke told me I need to lighten up more, but I didn't really get it until now. All people can do is go on with their lives, and let off some steam when they need to," Shinji said.
Mari blinked at that.
"Wow, that was mature of you. You sure I'm the older one?" Mari asked. From the look she was giving him she hadn't put anywhere near that amount of thought into it, she'd just wanted to have fun, but she'd take the credit all the same.
That thought brought another grin out of him. That was so... her.
"I'm pretty sure. You are taller than me after all," Shinji said chuckling.
"And stronger," Mari said, smirking as she flexed her muscle teasing him again.
Shinji only shook his head, he really had missed her all these years. He looked up at the night sky wondering just how had time flown by so fast. One moment he'd been leaving school and the next he'd been dragged along on another adventure with Mari. He could barely believe it was dark already.
"It's late. Can you drive me back to Misato's apartment?" Shinji asked.
"Of course, I'm not gonna leave you stranded here. But just in case, you have to promise that we do this again some time," Mari said getting to her feet.
"I'd like that. Or anything really. I missed our time together," Shinji said honestly.
He put his drink down and got to his feet wobbling as he felt his tired legs start to give out on him. He wasn't used to spending hours at a concert or else out in a city like Mari was.
Before he could fall Mari caught him by the hands, and pulled him up so he didn't slip again.
"Sorry about that," Shinji said looking at Mari as she held him by the hands.
Only Mari didn't answer right away. She only stared down at him with a look in her eye that he couldn't quite place. Her lips parted a minuscule amount, but she said nothing, and Mari leaned in ever so slightly. It was like they were frozen in time for a moment.
Her lips were an inch from his.
"Mari?" Shinji asked.
He leaned back slightly, not sure what was going on.
And just like that, the moment ended and Mari stopped.
She sighed and lowered her head, bumped her forehead to his like when they had first met in the ward.
"Oh Shinji, you're so mature for your age. But in many ways... you're still such a kid," Mari said sadly.
What did I do? Shinji thought.
"Hey, can I ask you something?" Mari said suddenly.
She let go of his hands.
"... okay," Shinji answered. He didn't know what he had done, but he didn't like seeing Mari sad.
"You really don't remember, do you? You never brought it up. Not even when we were alone..." Mari whispered oddly serious.
"Remember what?" Shinji asked frowning.
"It's okay," Mari said shaking her head at him.
The older girl, almost a young woman really, smiled wistfully at him. Her eyes piercing into his with such warmth, and something more. Something Shinji didn't have a word for.
"You did tell me this would happen," Mari said as she pulled him close and wrapped her arms around him in an embrace. In some ways, it reminded him of the hug Misato had given him, but in other ways it was different.
"You told me that you wouldn't remember. That you wouldn't remember what you did for me," Mari whispered into his ear.
"What?" Shinji asked his breath catching in his throat as Mari rested her head into his shoulder, having to bend her knees slightly since she was taller.
She held him close, basking in him as she hiccuped softly.
"Thank you... thank you, Shinji."
"Wha-" he stammered.
"It's okay. I remember, even if you don't. I can't ever repay you, but you did it without ever wanting anything in return. You did it thinking that you'd never see me again, and you did it anyway," Mari said her voice trembling with emotion. A rare moment of vulnerability that left her raw and exposed.
Hidden qualities that she would show to no one else.
"What are you talki-" Shinji stammered even as Mari rubbed the small of his back gently. He didn't know what else to do so he wrapped an arm around her too, embracing her back.
"You're the only one who could ever understand what that meant to me," she said.
Shinji didn't understand everything. He didn't fully understand what Mari was talking about, but he knew this was important to her. Knew that she'd never show this side of herself to anyone but him, and being around Mari made him feel... almost like he was happy.
His first friend. And so he hugged her and let her lean into him, basking in the warmth that she brought to him. Funny, how two people so different could end up with such a strong bond.
"You're the one who fixed me. You're the reason I left the ward," Mari whispered into his ear.
A memory stirred in Mari's mind as she spoke. Not Shinji's memory, but Mari's.
Three years ago.
One week before Mari was released from the mental ward.
Little Mari stood in her room shuddering and unable to speak as she stood immobile and confused. She tried to move, to speak, to do anything but found that she couldn't. Her body wasn't listening to her.
"I will not remember this."
The Other Shinji spoke calmly, detached and distant from the world. His hand rested softly on her face, his fingers tracing the features of her forehead.
Her friend had sneaked into her room, somehow gotten past the lock, and woke her in the middle of the night. But something was wrong with him. The eyes. Shinji's eyes were different. His eyes were so empty and hollow, cold.
Not the eyes of the soft-spoken boy that Mari had made friends with.
She didn't like it.
"Shinji?" Little Mari managed to whisper.
The 'boy' held her head gently.
"I hope we never meet again. Goodbye Mari."
The Other Shinji spoke to her with his disturbingly hollow eyes boring into hers. It unnerved her, his eyes... like all the warmth had been washed away. As if all hope had been ripped away, torn off, beaten down, and replaced with empty bottomless despair. Eyes that no child should have.
Little Mari coughed violently and the Other Shinji released her. She shuddered and almost fell, but the Other caught her and guided her to the bed. The Other Shinji made sure Mari was seated on her bed, careful not to hurt her before he stood looming over her.
"Stay here. No matter what happens, stay here. You will be better when this is over," The Other Shinji said.
A small trickle of blood started pouring down the boy's nose.
You're bleeding... Mari wanted to tell her Shinji. But she couldn't speak. All Little Mari could do was watch the blood trail down his face.
Mari wanted to fight it, wanted to ask him what was going on. She wanted her friend back, but he left her there in her bed shuddering as if she was cold when she wasn't. Without another word, the Other Shinji turned and left, closing the door behind him on his way out and disappearing.
Little Mari was there laying in bed, unable to move for several minutes before jolting up as if waking with a start. Blood trailed down her nose and onto her chin.
She shot out of her bed and scrambled onto her feet, bedsheets flying as she did so. She nearly fell to the floor in her hurry.
"Ack" Little Mari cried, her head wobbling.
She didn't understand what had happened.
"Shinji..." she moaned calling out for him.
Little Mari wiped the drops of blood off her face and she pushed open her unlocked door and stepped outside into the hall.
"Shinji," Little Mari moaned again.
Need to find him. Need to find him!
She didn't remember everything that had happened, but she didn't much care at the moment.
"Shinji!" Little Mari moaned wandering the halls of the empty ward looking for her only friend. She heard a commotion coming from the cafeteria and ran off as fast as her legs could carry her.
"Ahhhhhhhhhh!" a voice screamed into the night. A voice that made Mari's heart stop.
"Shinji!" Mari cried running towards the sound. She slammed into the cafeteria doors forcing them open.
The ward staff had beaten her to him, two nurses, a security guard, and a few others had already rushed in. They'd been working the night shift when they'd heard the scream too.
11-year-old Shinji Ikari sat on his knees in the middle of the cafeteria. The boy was dressed in his plain white clothes, silent and still, his eyes wide as the nurses knelt down to check on him.
"What's wrong with him? He doesn't respond to anything? How did he get out of his room?" one of the nurses was saying.
"Shinji," Little Mari said in barely a whisper.
One of the staff turned and spotted her as she started jogging to her friend.
"Hey?! What are you doing out of your room at night!" the nurse called.
Mari ignored them.
She tried to run past the adults but they grabbed her by the arms pulling her back. "Shinji!" she moaned.
"He's bleeding. He's having a nosebleed… and… and he has blood in his eyes!" the ward nurse that was holding Shinji said.
"Shinji!" Little Mari called fighting against the adults as they dragged her back.
"Take her back to her room. Call Dr. Page and get her down here! There's something wrong with patient Ikari-" the ward nurse started saying but was interrupted by screaming.
11-year old Shinji opened his mouth and screamed in pain. It was a bone-chilling, blood curdling, agonized shout. A primal thing, raw and feral, long and loud... it struck right at Mari's heart.
"Ahh! Gah! Ugh!" Little Shinji screamed, his eyes wild and unnerved. He held his head so tightly he almost pulled the hair from his scalp.
Mari winced at the sounds, feeling her chest constrict at the sheer pain her friend displayed.
She broke free of the stunned staff.
The 11-year old boy shot up from the floor, breaking free of the nurse's grasp, and flailed backward. Shinji's blood-soaked eyes moved back and forth rapidly, seeing things that no one else could…
Mari reached Shinji first, faster than even the stunned nurses, and grabbed onto his wild arms trying to keep him steady.
"Dummy! What's wrong! Why did you-" Mari said holding onto her only friend for dear life.
But he only cut her off with another pained scream.
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Shinji screamed in pain that no child should endure.
He moved so violently that he nearly threw her off of him, despite the fact that she was older and bigger than him. Yet Mari clung to him while the staff got their act together.
"What can I do? You have blood in your eyes! Shinji! Please, Shinji! Please come back! Come back!" Mari sobbed as Shinji flailed around. It broke her heart to hear 'her Shinji' screaming like this. No one as kind and as pure as him deserved this.
The boy's blood-filled eyes moved past her as if seeing right through her and into something beyond. Strange dreams and hallucinations that she knew only Shinji could see, she had witnessed the height of his illness. His madness. Her friend was gone... gone and drifting away into the insanity that was his and his alone.
Look at me! She wanted to scream, but Shinji only looked elsewhere. Lost in a world that only he could perceive.
"Dummy, you got lost again! Just come back. Come back to me," Mari cried pulling on him and trying to keep him from falling.
Shinji didn't seem to hear her.
"Come back!" Mari sobbed hugging Shinji close.
She wrapped her arms tightly around him as he flailed nearly falling over. The two kids stumbled through the floor, the boy screaming his head off before slowing to a somber breathless whimper. A soft quiet trauma that lingered in the child.
Blood dripped down the boy's face like a twisted form of red tears. It made Little Mari want to cry, and she only held on tighter. Shinji wobbled unsteadily, and he fell forward into Mari's embrace, in danger of collapsing.
"Go away. You cannot help us," The Other Shinji whispered in her ear. Whispered in a voice that was his and yet not his.
Mari gasped.
Shinji broke free of her embrace, the young boy pulling her arms off of him as he stumbled back trashing wildly. His nose and eyes were bleeding violently and he struggled to even breathe.
Before Mari could run to him again, the staff grabbed her by the arms pulling her back for a second time.
The adults rushed at Shinji and cornered him, moving in to grab the boy. The nurses had somehow gotten a stretcher into the cafeteria.
Shinji foamed at the mouth, barely able to breathe let alone scream. The boy broke into a seizure.
Adults shouted, and the nurses hauled him into the stretcher strapping him in.
Mari cried, weeping at the sight of Shinji near death, as the staff pulled her away.
"He's having a seizure! Strap him in! We're transferring him to a hospital. And someone call Dr. Page! She'll want to know ASAP," a nurse called.
"Shinji!" Mari shouted through her tears. She struggled against the adults dressed in white as they pulled her back.
"Get her back to her room!" the same nurse called.
Mari hiccuped as the staff simply picked her up by the arms and dragged her off, back to her room where they locked the door again.
Shinji… what did you do? She thought, slamming a fist uselessly on the door.
Mari sobbed, the image of her only friend strapped to a stretcher and wheeled out of the ward was stuck in her mind. She sunk to her knees hugging herself tight. Shinji was hurt and she couldn't help him. She stayed like that in her room the whole night.
...
The next day she looked for Shinji, but she couldn't find him. She asked around but the staff only looked at her nervously or else said he was in the hospital.
Days later and Mari was given a series of tests and medical examinations. Test and examinations that she had always failed, but this time had passed.
One week after Shinji's incident, Mari was deemed healthy and released from the ward.
The present.
Mari gasped as a rough hand grabbed her by the shoulder, and pushed her away.
The Other Shinji broke their embrace.
She made to speak, but the boy interrupted her before she could.
"Don't bring that up. You shouldn't talk about that, Mari."
"I only-"
"The past is the past."
The Other Shinji wouldn't look at her, his face was downcast, eyes distant.
Mari stilled at that. Something about Shinji's voice, something cold... and withdrawn.
He parted from her looking elsewhere, his eyes avoiding hers. The boy moved off, putting space between them, one that she did not like one bit.
"Okay. I won't talk about the ward anymore," Mari said uneasily, her voice low and hesitant.
"Hmm," the Other Shinji grunted.
The boy nodded slightly but never once looked at her.
Why won't you look at me?! Mari thought, her hands clenching into fists.
Mari took a deep breath and calmed herself. She slowly reached out a nervous hand for him but he stepped back pulling away from her touch. The Other Shinji put more distance between them.
"Ahh..." Shinji wheezed suddenly, a low whisper that barely escaped his lips. The boy rubbed his eyes and stumbled back briefly, shaking his head in confusion.
...
Shinji Ikari blinked in surprise at where he was standing.
How did I get here? I thought I was standing next to Mari? He thought nervously.
"Sorry. I kinda spaced out there for a second," Shinji said hesitantly. He wasn't sure what had come over him.
"I thought you were mad at me," Mari said slowly.
"What? I could never be mad at you," Shinji said honestly surprised that she'd ever think that.
"... You're still so weird," Mari said cracking up with laughter. But it was a nervous laugh, trying to defuse something that Shinji didn't quite catch.
"So are you," Shinji said smiling softly.
"Yeah, but I make it look good," Mari countered smirking.
That only made Shinji laugh which in turn made her laugh more too. They made such an odd sight that a few people give them curious looks but neither cared.
Whatever had happened, Shinji was relieved that things were back to normal. Mari had seemed worried just a few seconds ago, but here they were again laughing. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt this way, this kind of ease and joy for lack of a better word. It felt good.
"Come on, I better get you home before 'Mama Misato' throws a fit," Mari said as the two of them headed back for the motorbike.
The ride back home was uneventful, well as uneventful as it could be with Mari swerving in and out of traffic lanes.
Shinji held onto her for dear life, and he was fairly certain she enjoyed doing that to him.
However, when they reached the apartment block, and Mari came to a steady stop near the entrance to drop him off, they found Rei walking towards them.
Rei must have waited nearby, watching for them, to meet them there.
"Hey First Child," Mari said in greeting.
The motorbike stopped just a few feet in front of the pale girl.
"Rei?" Shinji said in surprise. What was she doing waiting for them this late at night?
"Hello, Shinji. Where have you been?" Rei asked speaking in a low tone that... that he did not like. Rei was watching him unblinkingly as he clung to Mari, he had to whilst he was on Mari's bike with her.
"He was with me. Just catching up," Mari said.
Shinji let go of Mari's waist and slowly hopped off the bike as Rei watched silently.
"It was pretty fun. You should have seen it Rei, there was this concert at the park that Mari took me to and it was amazing," Shinji said beaming at the memory.
"He said he didn't know how to dance. Can you believe that? He killed an Angel using a dance-" Mari began only for Rei to interrupt her.
"I was talking to Shinji. Not you."
Rei spoke completely deadpan and without emotion.
Mari scoffed at that. She eyed Rei with a bemused surprised expression more than anything else. Nothing, or very few, things ever seemed to get to Mari. It was something people either admired about her. Or found unnerving.
"Well, aren't you a mean one," Mari said coolly.
Rei ignored the older girl.
What was that about? Shinji thought. He looked between the two girls. Only Rei never even glanced at Mari, she kept her attention solely on him.
"I'll see you around, dummy. We'll have to do that some other time eh?" Mari said patting him on the shoulder affectionately. Her hand lingered on him a second longer than it needed to.
"Yeah, some other time," Shinji agreed as Mari started her bike again and drove off.
He waved Mari goodbye before turning back to Rei.
"Hey, is everything okay? I know Mari's a little strange, but she's a great friend to have," Shinji started to say but stopped at the look on Rei's face.
She looked so sad and he didn't know why.
"Rei? What is it? What's wrong?" Shinji said slowly.
"I waited for you. I waited for you for hours and you never came," Rei said her voice emotionless, but her eyes gave her away. She was looking at him like she was going to cry.
Shinji didn't know what to say. He'd never seen her like that before. Her emotionless demeanor held in place but nearing a breaking point if you looked at her eyes.
"What are you talking about? Rei?" Shinji stammered, but before he could finish she walked off without him. Completely bypassing him, Rei's shoulders slumped as she walked past him wordlessly.
Shinji tried to follow after her, to tug on her sleeve, but she ignored him and kept walking.
"Rei," he called out to her as she moved on without him.
He was left standing outside the apartment block stupidly as he watched his friend leave.
Cooking. The thing in his head rasped.
Gah! What the hell? Shinji thought, holding his head.
Rei wanted to make you a meal. You promised to teach her. Forgot about that, didn't you? Check your phone.
Shinji slowly reached into his bag and pulled out his phone. Seven missed calls, all from Rei. He must have not been able to hear it during the concert in the park. And he'd never bothered to check it afterward.
I promised to meet up with Rei after class... to teach her how to cook... Shinji thought suddenly. He felt his throat constrict as he realized that he had completely forgotten.
Shinji broke into a jog after his friend, he knew the way to her apartment and it wasn't too far from Misato's after all. He found Rei more than halfway to her home. He tried to talk to her but she ignored him again.
He panted saying, "I'm sorry! I forgot. Mari showed up and I just... I didn't mean to,"
or else
"Mari is my oldest friend and I hadn't seen her in a long time. I didn't plan that it just happened. How about tomorrow? Some other time? I'll make it up to you. Rei. Rei. Rei?"
Shinji ended up following a stoic Rei all the way to the door of her apartment, but she never once looked at him.
"Rei-" Shinji said as she opened her apartment door and stepped in without glancing back. She closed the door on him before he could say anything further and he heard the lock click.
Shinji let out a heavy breath in frustration. He banged his head against Rei's door. If she minded she didn't say.
Girls do not like to be ignored, boy.
Go away. Need my pills, Shinji thought reaching into his bag and grabbing one of his meds. He took his medicine and stood there stupidly outside Rei's apartment.
Not knowing what else to do, he headed off back home. He was on a sort of autopilot as he made his way back to Misato's apartment, took a shower, and went to bed.
"I'll make it up to her. How mad could Rei be?" He mumbled to himself. Though he wondered if 'mad' was the right word.
Ugh. Why do I have to be so bad with people?
He just knew he'd have trouble sleeping again.
All the character focus/drama will have a point.
As for the dream with the Woman in the Dark. She was actually mentioned and 'shown' in the very first chapter of this story. She also appeared through Shinji's visions when Eva Unit 01 was shot in the head and he had a seizure. I'm sure some readers know who 'she' is.
I did say those files on Shinji would come up again.
Poor Shinji, he's not really all that good with people. Girls in particular.
Thanks for Reading and please Review.