Hey guys, I'm back. Long wait this time.
Life gets in the way, I didn't want to rush things because that makes me write worse.
And thanks to all the new readers! 'Unravel' has gotten a lot more view lately, so truly thank you all for reading.
Hope, you'll enjoy. Here's chapter 17 'Ikari'
"Does a father deserve special treatment for caring for their child? It is the duty of the father to be there for their child, but does that mean you expect anything less. Such a simple responsibility to anyone mature enough to sire children. Yet the world is full of terrible parents. So what about the reverse, what does a terrible father deserve? Punishment? Or something else?"
- the broken man
13 years ago
Ikari household
"Yui. Is everything alright?" a younger Gendo said.
The younger Gendo stood nervously in the doorway of the kitchen/breakfast room, watching his wife as she sat at the breakfast table rocking a baby back and forth. She was still dressed in her night gown, Gendo had woken in the early morning to her missing from their bed.
He watched apprehensively as Yui hummed softly to the bundles of blankets in her arms, hummed to the baby Shinji Ikari.
"Oh, Gendo. Stop trying to hide from him. How will he learn to love you if you never see him? What are you so afraid of?" Yui said turning to look at him from where she sat.
Her voice was so soft, feather light, and her eyes still filled with a warmth that took Gendo's breath away. The look Yui got when she was with her son.
"I don't know. I... I don't think he likes me like he does you" Gendo said awkwardly. Yui waved him over and he slowly stepped inside and moved to join his young wife.
"Hum hummm. Oh Shinji, you are so loved" Yui whispered to the baby in her arms.
Gendo watched the baby looking up at his mother, watched as the baby raised a hand and gently tapped Yui cheek. Baby Shinji giggled only as a infant could, oblivious to all the fears and problems of the world as his mother rocked him back and forth.
She's so beatuiful Gendo thought watching his wife.
"Here Shinji, go with your father" Yui said sweetly as she held the baby up.
"I don't think I should. He prefers you, his mothe-" Gendo began seeming to shrink from the baby's curious gaze.
"Take him" Yui insisted. Men, so mucho and tough until they have a baby in their arms. Then they try to run away like children Yui thought with a small smile.
Gendo nervously took his son from Yui and held the babe up in his arms.
"Hello Shinji." Gendo told his son.
Shinji looked at his father with tiny eyes that were wide at his presence. Gendo didn't know what to do, he was never good with children. He was never good with people, yet somehow he'd made things work with Yui.
"Wah! Wah!" the baby Shinji in Gendo's arms started to cry. Gendo shrank back from the babe in his arms, flinching as if struck, he didn't know what to do. There was a baby crying in his arms and he knew it was his fault, he should never have taken the boy into his arms.
"Take him, please" Gendo said to his wife as she watched on frowning at her son crying.
"Gendo. You have to try. He's a baby. He doesn't know any better-" Yui began.
"Please." Gendo pleaded, as his son cried in his arms.
Yui sighed and took her son from his father's arms. Gently she rocked Shinji back and forth and humming so sweetly to him, within moments he stopped crying.
"Oh, I could just stay with him forever" Yui said smiling as her son calmed in her arms.
She is better with him. That's where he belongs, not with me. It's better if I keep a distance, ever watchful. Forgive me boy. Gendo thought his face a mask of repressed emotion.
"A babe is always closer to their mother. Don't draw away from him, Gendo. You have to promise me that you'll try. Be his father." Yui said turning to look at her husband now that Shinji had quieted.
Gendo avoided her gaze saying "I will try."
He had wanted Yui, she had been and still was the only thing he remembered ever wanting. The only light in his lonely life. But he had never wanted children, had never wanted a family.
Yui had been the only exception, and now the two of them had a son and Gendo didn't know how to be a parent. He had been an orphan, had grown up to be withdrawn and distant. But he was clever, and he'd risen through the ranks of the organization that would one day be re-structured as Nerv under SEELE and the UN.
Yui reached a hand over and gently grabbed Gendo by his cheek.
"No. You are his father. You will love him as I do. Promise me Gendo. Promise that you will care for him. Promise me or I will never forgive you." Yui said, a slight edge to her voice.
Gendo tried to look away, but Yui forced him back. Forced him to look at her and their son.
"I... I promise" Gendo whispered to his wife.
But as the years passed, and Yui died... young Shinji would find that his father did not keep that promise.
...
Present Day
Antarctica
There was knock on the door of his private room, and Gendo stirred silently as he woke from his dream.
"Yes. What is it?" Gendo called as he rose from his cot. He was still dressed in his business attire, having slept in his clothes, and he'd hung his heavy duty coat on the rack nearby. Inside the transport ship it was warm enough that he didn't need it.
"Sir. We'll be at the site in a few hours. The team sent word that they're almost done digging." a voice called from the other side of the door.
"That is good news. Now leave me be, I have several calls to make." Gendo said raising up from his cot.
"Yes sir" the man on the other side side and Gendo heard the heavy footsteps of the sailor leaving him.
Gendo stretched as checked his phone for the time and saw three missed calls, always more work to do. Yet he needed to see that object himself. If Nerv was right, and they had found 'it' then Gendo had to be sure. He and his sub-commander had gone out with the transport ship personally.
Stuck for days on a boat as it traveled through the arctic, not a pleasant experience. Work would have to wait for a few more hours, Gendo was tired and he felt on edge from the memories his dream had stirred.
What would Yui have thought of the years since her death. Of her son? Of her husband? Gendo wondered what she would have thought about the promise he'd made her 13 years ago.
Meanwhile
Nerv HQ
"We're counting on you, all of you. Shinji, Asuka, you two will bare the blunt of the impact. Mari, Rei, you're on the supporting role. Eva Teams One and Two." Misato said sternly into the comm.
She hadn't gotten much sleep, but she was wide awake and her eyes were fierce as she stood in the command center.
Days ago, an observatory had spotted a massive object in space headed for earth... and changing course for a direct impact on Tokyo-3. An Angel attacking from space, just when they thought things couldn't get any weirder. An Angel suicide bomber, the impact would be so strong that even the Angel itself might not survive it. Yet it came for them anyway with a force that could flatten Tokyo-03 and the entire Geofront all in one go.
Shinji, you're the key here. You have the strongest AT Field on record. Asuka is close, but our best bet is you Misato thought staring at the teenager walking towards his Eva. Misato didn't tell him that, nor Asuka, she needed them to work together as much as possible. This was not the time for arguments, and Shinji had a habit of stepping up when he needed to all on his own.
"I understand Misato" Shinji called into the comm, doing his best to sound calm. He really was getting better at piloting, at times she could see the nerves he carried but he always did better when working with the others.
"Roger that" Asuka said doing her best to psych herself up. Putting on that smirk of hers, but having trouble pulling it off. This plan was a bit crazy even for her, her attitude and drive got her far but it wasn't perfect.
All four of the Eva pilots had left the locker rooms and were heading for their Eva Units, their comms already on and connected.
"You will do fine" Rei said into the comm talking to Shinji.
"No fair, you guys get to have all the fun. I'll see you up top Shinji, you've done crazier things than this. Don't sweat it" Mari called into the comm.
"Yeah, yeah, Mr. 95% Shinji the Hero. Blah, blah, blah. I have to catch the stupid Angel too, you know!" Asuka said into the comm sounding mildly annoyed.
Even she was on edge. Asuka had gotten better with her AT Field, but this was leagues above anything any of them had done. She had a slight shake in her step as she headed for her Eva.
"Entry plugs being released. Stand clear." a voice called on the intercomm. All four pilots standing before their Evas, spread so far apart that they had to use comms just to speak to one another.
Asuka tilted her head as Mari suddenly spoke into her comm.
"Princess, if there's anyone whose good enough to catch an Angel from orbit, I'd put money on that person being you" Mari said. Surprisingly 'supportive'.
"Damn right" Asuka muttered managing to smirk at that.
Shinji only shook his head, even as Mari opened a private channel to his comm whispering "I'd put more money on you though. You got this dummy."
"Thanks Mari" Shinji whispered back on the private channel, a small smile on his face, before closing it. They, all four of them, had work to do. All the Evangelions were being deployed today.
…
"We made some last minute adjustments to your interface helmet Shinji. Ritsuko thinks she found a way to help you guys stay in sync with the Evas, only a 2% increase but everything counts. All the Evas have been equipped with extra battery packs in case something goes wrong. Command is just being careful" Maya was telling Shinji as she handed him the interface helmet.
She had run over suddenly calling out to him and Shinji had stopped to see what she wanted.
There were a few Nerv technicians leaving the hanger as well, no doubt having just finished last minute jobs for the operation, and Shinji noticed them giving him strange looks. Either a confused baffled expression or else shaking their heads in disbelief as they passed him by, and lastly those whom looked at him with mildly curiosity.
"Thanks Maya. Hey, have- have you guys heard anything about me recently?" Shinji asked Maya even as he took the new interface helmet.
Maya froze at that, and Shinji caught the awkward glance she made in Misato's direction, before Maya spoke saying "um- no. What do you ask?"
The older girl was speaking a little fast and clearly avoiding what Shinji had already concluded.
Misato did tell me gossip was spreading. Sigh, I guess I should have known. Surprised it took so long for news at the hearing to spread he thought darkly.
"Everyone knows about my five years in a mental ward, don't they?" Shinji asked blankly.
Maya winced even as Eva Unit 01's entry plug was released and began its descent onto the hanger for Shinji to climb into.
"... people talked about the hearing... and Misato told us not to mention it." Maya said meekly.
Shinji stared at the entry plug waiting for him, taking that in. I have Misato. I have Mari. And I have Rei, Kensuke, and Toji. That will have to be enough. I guess I can understand, who in their right mind would want a former 'insane' person as an Eva pilot. He thought.
"Shinji? Is something wrong?" Misato's voice called into his comm.
"No. I'm fine." Shinji said as he stepped inside his entry plug, with Eva Unit 01 looming in the distance.
"I- don't take it so hard Shinji. It's just talk, most of us know you're okay. I mean- we remember all of you've done." Maya was starting to ramble as Shinji got inside the entry plug.
"Thanks. Maya, you're needed at command. Better get going, thanks for the helmet" Shinji said as the entry plug closed, sealing him inside as it started to retract into Unit 01.
Maya only stared at the young teenager, the Eva pilot, before shaking her head and breaking into a jog for command, laptop in hand. There were times she didn't know what to think about Shinji, times where he sometimes seemed older than he really was.
…
Still, Shinji frowned as he sat in his entry plug. There was something that had been bothering him lately... what that thing in his head had told him.
That line... about 'it' saying when it was his age it had had friends but now all of them were dead. Yet it had left him alone ever since that morning, never once stirring or else talking to him again not that Shinji was complaining.
No, that 'thing' isn't alive. It can't be. Gah, there's point to this. My problems will only make me do worse and I need to focus. This is gonna be hard Shinji thought taking his head. His problems could be dealt with, for now he had a job to do and he couldn't dwell on anything else.
"Launch!" Misato called.
All four of the Evas were shot up from their launch pads in a shower of sparks, the massive machines heading for the surface.
Minutes later
The surface
Shinji sat inside the entry plug of Eva Unit 01, controlling his breathing as he stood sentry in his 'station' on the outskirts of Tokyo-03.
"Remember, you have to catch the Angel as it falls. I don't need to tell you what happens if it crashes onto the surface. You can do this Shinji, I know you can" Misato said into the comm.
"I can do it" Shinji replied into the comm.
I can do this. I stopped an N2 mine once... even if I don't know how I did it. He thought.
"We've got your back dummy. Don't fret so much, we'll be here to help" Mari called into the comm.
Shinji felt himself smirk at that, Mari seemed to read his mind sometimes. She knew him pretty well, considering their earlier years together.
"Thanks Mari" Shinji said softly.
"Stop flirting. We have an Angel to stop" Asuka called into the comm sounding more annoyed than actually mad.
When the observatory in Japan had spotted something moving towards Earth in space, they'd immediately called in Nerv. The strange object had started changing direction and trajectory, accelerating even, as it made to crash land into the Geofront. Somehow, Shinji wasn't a scientist, Nerv had managed to do some long range scanning and saw a blue pattern confirming the object in space was in fact a massive Angel.
The largest Angel ever on record. Nerv estimated that if the Angel made contact with the surface, it would completely destroy the Geofront, Nerv HQ, and Tokyo-03. Misato had had the crazy idea to 'catch' the Angel with their AT Fields, and even more insane was the higher ups had let her go through with. A lot of people had been evacuated whilst a bunch of others had stubborn refused to leave the city, faith in the Evas perhaps.
"Sorry Asuka. Rei, are you doing okay?" Shinji said noticing that his friend had been quiet lately.
"I am fine." Rei said into the comm. Her voice its usual flat monotone, how strange. Shinji had thought she had stopped talking like that.
"Come on Rei, we can do this. Don't be scared" Mari called into the comm.
"I am not scared" Rei answered into the comm, a slight edge in her tone that only Shinji could hear.
What was that about? Shinji thought.
…
Nerv temporary base far outside the city
"This is utterly insane, you know that right?" Ritsuko was saying from where she stood by Misato watching the display screen.
"The Evas can do it." Misato countered calmly.
"You sure you're not letting your vengeance cloud your judgment. We all hate the Angels, but this is really pushing it" Ritsuko asked not as Misato's co-worker but as her friend.
"... I'm fine, Ritsuko. The past is the past, all we can do is move forward" Misato said remembering her father. Her father whom had died to save her during the Second Impact.
Ritsuko sighed as she glanced at the display screen showing the path of the Angel headed for them from space. "Shinji is our best bet, he's shown the strongest AT Field out of all the pilots."
Back with the Eva pilots
"Angel is closing in. Uploading the information to your display screens." Misato's voice called into the comm for the Eva pilots to hear.
It's coming. It's not afraid of you. No, this Angel hates you. It knows the two of us are here The thing in his head stirred.
Damn it. I was doing so well, it hadn't bother me for awhile! I'm not supposed to talk to it. Stupid thing wants me to be miserable Shinji thought.
Stop being a cry baby. We disagreed, get over it. I'm trying to help you
Shut up
"Shinji! It's closing in on your location!" Misato's voice called suddenly.
"I am on way" Rei called into the comm, moving to his location to assist.
"Hold on" Mari called doing the same as Asuka started moving as well without comment.
Well, this saved Shinji the time it would take him to move to the impact location. Now all he had to worry about was actually stopping the damned thing, easier said that done. Eva Unit 01 turned its head up, and raised its arms, both of them, as the massive machine braced for what was coming.
Shinji gulped as he saw the flicker of light in the night sky, the Angel that was essentially acting as a suicide bomber.
"Almost there idiot. Hold on!" Asuka shouted into the comm. Shinji could hear Eva Unit 02's footsteps from far off.
Shinji remembered the day at Mount Asama, remembered stopping the N2 mine, and tried to do what he had done there for a second time.
"A man with no fear is not brave. You can only ever be brave when you are afraid. Be brave. Be brave" Shinji whispered to himself closing his eyes.
"Now!" Misato said into his comm.
Shinji opened his eyes and a massive AT Field, far large than anything Shinji had ever made before, erupted into existence. The massive field forming a 'cap' like shield over both himself and most of the surrounding area in a several mile long radius.
BOOM!
The Angel crash landed on top of Shinji's AT Field... and amazingly Shinji held the Angel back.
…
"He's doing it. He's actually holding the Angel back" Maya said staring at the display screen.
"Sync ratio holding at 76%." Ritsuko said.
Misato smiled. That's my boy Shinji. Knew you could do it.
"Asuka, give him a hand" Misato called into the comm.
...
"Asuka, give him a hand" Misato called into the comm.
"I know!" Asuka shouted back even as her Eva emerged onto the scene where Shinji and his Eva were standing with the AT Field.
Shinji was gritting his teeth and breathing hard from the strain. This was strange, it took a lot out of him to do this and he knew he could not keep it forever. The strange lights that formed an protective pattern was not easy to maintain. But he wasn't alone, all four Evas had been deployed.
"Careful there idiot" Asuka muttered into the comm as her Eva joined his and raised its hands.
Asuka's AT Field erupted into existence alongside Shinji's. The two AT Fields holding the Angel back, and Shinji sighing as some of the strain was taken off of him.
This power was amazing to behold, Asuka and him holding back what was essentially a sentient meteor that had come crashing down for impact only to be stopped by the two of them. The strange Angel from orbit seemed to glare at the two Evas as its suicide dive was foiled.
Together, Shinji and Asuka held the enormous Angel back. The monstrous thing forced to 'hover' over them as it fought their AT Fields.
Eva Units 00 and 03 emerged onto the scene, the two titans rushing over to help their comrades. Eva Teams One and Two together.
"I see its core. We'll make an opening for you two" Shinji said even as he fought alongside Asuka to hold the Angel back.
Rei and Mari equipped their Eva's prog knives. Asuka reached her Eva's free hand over, 'peeling' back an opening in the AT Fields.
Eva Team Two leaped at the chance, Rei and Mari bringing their Eva's prog knives into and through the opening to the Angel above them. Together, they broke through to the Angel's core and it stilled and wailed as the blades pierced its weakness.
Shinji felt the sudden lax in weight above his AT Field via the Eva's phantom sensations, and struggled to topple the wounded and dying Angel over. Asuka joined him and together their Evas pushed the Angel's corpse aside moments before it exploded, a final act of mad suicidal attack.
Yet the Angel's final act of vengeance was wasted, Shinji and Asuka held the explosion back with their AT Fields, containing the blast as the mysterious Evangelions once again bent the laws of physics.
…
"I... I can barely believe it. They actually stopped what amounted to an meteor strike, a kamikaze, and held back the Angel's self destruct." Maya was saying slowly as the Nerv staff watched the footage on the display screen.
Hard to believe these four teenagers wield so much power. And Shinji out of all of them is arguable the pilot with the most potential. Amazing Misato thought to herself. Watching Eva Unit 01 with an odd sense of 'pride'.
"We're breaking new ground here, this will be one for the physicists to analyze for decades to come." Ritsuko said shaking her head at the footage. The scientist in her awed by the sheer magnificence of the Evangelions.
Two hours later
Tokyo-03
Shinji was always surprised how 'normal' the city got after just a few hours since an Angel attack. The people filling the streets again, and the restaurants and stores re-opening, and people going on with their lives. Then again, maybe that was they could do. Just go on.
He was sitting with the others in a semi-crowded restaurant. Feeling a bit tired from the attack, but he was hungry and just glad not to be stuck in the apartment again.
"It's not steak, but it'll have to do" Misato was saying as she and the four teenagers placed their orders.
The ramen place was surprisingly open so quickly even after an Angel attack, and filled with a decent amount of customers. Misato was relieved she'd found a restaurant that was open this late that wasn't a bar.
Some of the Nerv guys hadn't wanted Shinji to go, he still had a few days of house arrest, but Misato had politely told them to "piss off, he just saved the city. Let him eat with us."
So Shinji sat beside Mari, with Misato making sure to sit beside the both of them, and Asuka and Rei sitting further down as they ate their food.
"I'm so jealous. My AT Field doesn't even come close. You've stopped an N2 mine and now an Angel. Damn, what's next?" Mari was teasing Shinji as he ate his ramen.
Shinji laughed saying "no idea. I wish we didn't need to use the fields, they always tired me out."
"Oh come on dummy, where's your sense of adventure? We kick Angel ass for a living" Mari said jabbing him in the rubs teasingly.
"Hey?!" Shinji said in surprise more than protest when Mari reached into his bowl with her chop sticks and grabbed some of his ramen.
Mari laughed at him even as he reached for her bowl with his chop sticks, only for the older girl to move her bowl out of his reach. Shinji laughed moving to stand on his stool to reach even higher surprising both Mari and Misato as he nicked some of her ramen and put into his mouth.
You're making a fool of yourself
Be quiet you he thought.
Misato pulled him back down by the sleeve of his shirt glaring at the laughing Mari. Asuka only shook her head muttering "jeez, get a room you two."
"We already did, remember?" Mari teased Asuka. Asuka only muttered something in German that Shinji didn't understand. But Mari did, she chuckled at whatever Asuka had cursed.
"Sorry Misato" Shinji was saying as Misato gave him a curious look. Misato had noticed that Shinji often behaved differently when Mari was around, and she wasn't sure if she liked that or not.
"Yeah yeah, can't help it. Still coming down from the rush, happens every time we pilot" Mari explained managing to be calm for Misato's sake.
Misato started to reply, but Shinji stopped paying attention when he noticed Rei eating her food and silently staring at her bowl.
"Rei? Is everything okay?" Shinji asked leaning in so he could speak to her from across Misato. His guardian was talking to Mari about something, but he could only focus on so many things at once. Especially in a decently crowded restaurant.
"I am fine" Rei replied, taking a moment to turn and look at him.
"Is it the ramen? I know you don't like meat but the noodles are good-" Shinji started to say.
"The food is very good, I am simply not hungry. I... I am glad to be here... with you... all of us." Rei said struggling over her words.
I hear you Rei. The two of us need to get out more he thought.
You still don't get it, do you?
Go away!
"That reminds me, I still need to teach you how to cook. I'm really sorry about waiting so long. I can teach you make ramen if you want" Shinji said.
Rei seemed to consider that, the strange pale girl tilting her head at him, before nodding. "I would like that" she said slowly.
"Great. I can- … ah Mari!" Shinji said laughing as his girlfriend-ish, partner... whatever they were, started to grab food from his bowl again.
Rei watched the two of them laughing as they got each other back, the pale girl noticing that her only real friend in the world seemed to smile more when he was around Mari.
"You have your own bowl" Shinji was laughing even as he got her back by taking a few noodles of her ramen.
"Yeah but I want to eat your ramen, dummy" Mari teased him nonchalantly.
"He's a growing boy. Both of you act your age" Misato said putting a stop to their little game, and hardly believing she of all people had to be the mature one.
Mari touched his arm noting his lack of any real muscle saying "yup, a growing boy. You should order him a second bowl."
"Hey, I'm only 14." Shinji said in his defense.
"Wimp, I'm stronger than you" Asuka said from further down.
"... probably" Shinji admitted partly glum/joking, tonight all of them seemed to filled with an energy they couldn't explain. Even his tension with Asuka seemed to be at all time low. That said, there was reason the two of them sat so far apart from each other. He still didn't know if he and Asuka were friends exactly, but they were partners so they had to spend time together.
Regardless, maybe Mari was onto something about the 'high' after an successful Eva piloting run.
"Shinji is not weak. He has taken down Angels. We all have." Rei added in suddenly.
"Whatever" Asuka muttered rolling her eyes as Shinji nodded his thanks to Rei.
"My boy stopped a freaking nuke! That's hardcore! … and you should really buy him another bowl of ramen Misato" Mari said going through various stages of excitement, teasing, joyful, and semi seriousness in the same breath.
"If you plan on taking his food again, then that's a 'no.' Order another bowl yourself" Misato told Mari. Shinji's guardian crossing her arms as at the coy look Mari was given her.
"Fine. Waiter!" Mari called pulling out her Nerv issued credit card, unlike the other pilots she had no restrictions on her funds. Mari was free to spend her money the way she wanted to, the benefits of being emancipated.
Shinji laughed at the look on Misato's face, obviously she hadn't expected Mari to actually order a second bowl.
He was just 'happy' that they were all getting along more of less. He missed 'this', being around other people more or less his own age too. Being out and about, not stuck in the stupid apartment all day and night. He felt more normal despite the events of the past few hours.
For what it's worth. Enjoy this moment for now. It is hard, but 'this' cannot last. The thing in his head stirred. Sounding tired for once.
Ah! Why do you hate me!
I do not hate you. I have never hated you. The thing in his head stirred. The strange voice coming out tired and haggard, weary even. That alone unsettled him.
You just want me to be miserable. Ugh, I'm not supposed to talk to it.
Yet you are talking to me. How long will you keep denying what I am? Deep down, you know that I have never been wrong. You know that Page is wrong about you. It's why you never liked that 'doctor'.
"Thanks Mari" Shinji said as the waiter placed another bowl of ramen on the table for him and his girlfriend. He had chosen not to talk to the thing in his head at the moment, maybe life would be better this way.
Apparently, choosing to ignore the thing in his head was the wrong decision on Shinji's part.
And who says you deserve a better life yet? Hmm, what makes you think you've earned that yet? Tell me boy, what makes you so special?
I fought the Angels. Leave me alone-
That is your duty. What you're supposed to do. You're saying you would not fight the Angels unless you were given a reward? You would not save a life unless you were given special treatment?
What?! That's not-
Would you give special treatment to a father for caring for their child? It is the duty of the father to be there for their child. Shinji, I'd have thought you'd understand by now. A man who does a good deed only in the expectation of a reward is not a good man.
I- that's not the same! Shinji thought.
I thought you were a good man. Was I wrong? Are you truly that selfish?
You're impossible! That's not fair!
Why not?
I'm a kid!
You sure whine like one. Crying over trivial things.
You- gah! Just leave me alone! Why can't I just have this! Shinji thought getting angry.
Because you are not like other people. It is hard, but you are different. Different even from the other pilots. You have a long road to walk.
You just hate me...
No... I have never hated you. You are still too young to understand, but you will one day. You will. Ah, the young are so foolish. So short sighted. Go then, I will leave you be. Enjoy the moment... while you can
What is that supposed to be mean?
...
Meanwhile, two very patient women had been trying to talk to our Shinji.
"Earth to Shinji. Hello. Hellllllooooo" Misato said tapping Shinji on the shoulder.
The boy did not acknowledge her.
"He's been doing that since he was kid. Giggle he gets lost in his head or something. Wonder what he thinks about when he's in 'Shinji time'." Mari said sighing.
Misato waved her hand in front of Shinji, still he did not notice. Mari leaned into his ear, and shouted "Shinji!"
"Gah?!" Shinji jumped nearly falling from his chair.
Mari burst out laughing as she remembered a certain scrawny kid almost falling from his chair, remembered that day in the ward cafeteria so long ago. From the look on Shinji's face, she could tell he remembered too.
"Sorry. I blanked out there for a second" Shinji said awkwardly.
Mari put an arm around his shoulder saying "you gotta learn to relax more."
Elsewhere
Antarctica
"After all this time, and we found it. " Kozo Fuyutsuki said in awe.
"Indeed" Gendo said slowly.
The Spear of Longinus.
The massive alien object that had stopped the Second Impact from destroying all life on the planet, and that had been lost for all these years until now. It was, for all its mystery and power, rather 'simple' in its design. An enormous staff with a long sharp point on its end. Entirely red, and almost as tall as an Evangelion when propped up. The research team had dug it out of the ice and freezing cold water, the water that had turned dark red ever since the events of the Second Impact. Almost no ocean life remained here anymore, another side effect of the incident all those years ago. Now they'd re-discovered it.
The two men stood below deck of the transport ship, the massive spear held in a shipping container that had been left partially open so it would fit inside. The spear that had pierced the torso of the First Angel Adam, and that had saved mankind from his wraith during the events of the Second Impact.
"With this, we have our contingencies." Fuyutsuki said admiring the strange object before them. The Spear was massive, longer in its height than even an Evangelion but relative thin.
It was made of some unknown material that was 'unbreakable', and of a substance that did not match any element on the periodic table.
Truly a work of something not human, forged with knowledge that dwarfed mankind's understanding of material sciences, mechanical and electrical engineering, as well as physics. The Spear had no known source of power, yet reports of the Second Impact claim that it had vibrated upon striking Adam, and that a strange humming sound could be heard before the First Angel had exploded.
It did not rust or take damage, and the Spear was also resistant to temperatures on both extremes, neither heating it nor cooling it would ever damage it, the strange material always cool to the touch with no exceptions. Not even the force exerted by the Second Impact had left a dent on its surface. The Spear's mere existence laughed in the face of all known facets of mankind's science and knowledge.
So beautiful, the researchers whom first found it spent years trying to study it with little results. Then they found the First Angel... waking him in the ice. At the time, no one was sure that the Spear could even stop Adam. The research team was running out of time, Adam had woken and they did the only thing they could think of. They launched the Spear against Adam. Those brave men and women saved the entire human race that day on a gamblehethought.
Fuyutsuki could not say if he would have been brave enough to do what those researchers had. Choosing not to turn and run, but to sacrifice their lives in the hope that they could stop Adam.
So many had died that day, all over the world, and Adam was not defeated. Only delayed. For the First Angel was truly immortal. Unable to die, the only solution being to contain him and stop his regenerative powers.
"Yui always wanted to see it in person. She would have marveled at it." Gendo said in a soft voice. His expression hidden behind his tinted glasses.
Fuyutsuki glanced back at the man. A rare moment of emotion... hethought but said nothing.
"We have it, that's all that matters" Gendo said flatly.
He turned to leave. The Nerv Commander reached into his pocket telling Kozo to go on without him for now, that he had a certain phone call to make. A cargo plane would be meeting them to take the Spear, along with Nerv's commander and sub-commander, shortly. But, it would take them time to get make back to Tokyo-03.
Back with Misato and the gang.
Tokyo-03
"Yes sir, thank you sir" Misato was saying into her phone.
Who is she even talking to? Shinji thought even as he was finishing his second bowl of ramen with Mari 'helping' him.
"A few hours? Nerv will prepare a landing strip for you and your plane. I- yes sir. Of course" Misato said stilling at whatever the other person had told her on the phone.
Asuka was going on and on about she hadn't even been scared when they'd stopped the Angel with their AT Fields, choosing not to mention that Shinji had managed to hold it back by himself for almost a minute. All whilst an out of place Rei calmly nibbled at her food and Mari listened on rolling her eyes.
What a strange day. Never thought the four of us would be hanging out like a couple of normal teenagers. Shinji thought the shadow of a smile on his face.
Mari had grabbed his hand softly under the table while Misato wasn't looking, and Shinji squeezed her hand back too. He had never really thought he'd have things like this in his life, but his life had changed a lot these past few months.
"Shinji. It's your father. He wants to talk to you" Misato said turning to look at him, slowly getting the words out of her mouth. She was holding her phone anxiously for him to take.
The table went silent, even Asuka stopped bragging, as Shinji took that in.
Nervously, Shinji took Misato's phone and put it to his ear. "Hello" he said in a low quite voice, the palms of his hands sweating.
Am I in trouble again? What does he want? Shinji thought.
"Hello... Shinji. I've had reports of the incident tonight. I heard that you held the Angel back by yourself for sometime. Impressive. Good work" Gendo said over the phone.
The man's voice, almost emotionless. Like he was reading a script he'd prepared before hand, and Shinji froze not sure what to say. Maybe if he was younger he'd have jumped at those words, his heart might have raced and he might have even smiled, but there were times Shinji did not feel his age. Times where he almost felt older. Tonight was such a time.
"... Thank you... sir" Shinji told his father. He spoke in almost the same tone, flat and as if reading from a script.
CLICK
Gendo had hanged up on his end.
Shinji handed the phone back to Misato and returned to eating his second bowl of ramen. Everyone was staring at him, so he froze with a few noodles stuck in his mouth mid bite.
"What?" Shinji managed to say with his mouth full of food whilst the others stared at him.
"What did he want?" Misato asked.
"Are you being punished again?" Rei said with a tilt of her head.
"Is he mad at us?" Asuka scowled.
"He's being a dick again isn't he?" Mari asked her eyes growing cold.
The four women speaking at the same time and making it hard to understand, but Shinji got the gist of what they were asking.
"He said 'good job' and then he hung up" Shinji said swallowing the rest of his noodles.
"... that's it?" Misato asked slowly.
"I don't think he meant it. I don't think he cares about me, not really." Shinji said not looking at the others. His eyes empty and flat, without emotion, almost like his father really.
The awkward silence continued Shinji as returned to his food. "Don't worry about it, we're eating dinner" Shinji added as he noticed Misato still looking his way.
"Forget him" Asuka said scowling slightly before returning to her food. Asuka hadn't forgotten the last time Gendo had called her 'child', brushing her off like she wasn't a prodigy and one of the best pilots.
Shinji managed a small chuckle at that as Mari patted him on the shoulder, and together they went back to sharing his bowl of ramen.
Misato was watching him eat his food with Mari, but Shinji was okay. Really, he was. He knew which people cared about him. Either way, trust Gendo to ruin the mood on a night out.
…
Gendo sat with Fuyutsuki in the private cabin aboard cargo plane, having booted up his personal laptop and opened the encrypted files. He clicked the file he was looking for and gazed at the scanned drawing displayed on his computer.
A crude drawing of the Spear amid a sea of red and white, ice and the 'affected' water. Another prediction proven true over the years.
Shinji had been very crude in his drawings as a child in the mental ward, often not understanding what the drawings were or what they meant. The boy had called the Spear a 'stick with a point on its end' and could not explain what its relevance was. Still, the child had successively drawn a second set of the Dead Sea Scrolls that was arguably more accurate than the one SEELE had spent years and untold resources piecing together and translating.
"How many times will you be right, Shinji?" Gendo whispered to himself. Staring at the drawing of the Spear.
Several hours later
Misato's apartment
It was the dead of night when the Other Shinji stirred. The dead of night when he departed from Shinji's room to find his place on the apartment balcony. He was careful not to wake Misato or Asuka, he always tried to be as fast as possible.
Other stood on the balcony, feeling the soft wind brush against his face and reaching out with his senses. It had to be today or someday soon, or else Gendo wouldn't have left on his trip.
To an outsider, the Other Shinji appeared to be praying on the balcony. For over an hour the Other Shinji stood still as a statue, until suddenly... Other snapped his eyes open wide.
Seeming to come to life as he breathed in and out. It was near.
"Hello old friend. You will not remember me, but I remember you" Other Shinji whispered into the cold night air. His hand raised.
…
Elsewhere, a cargo plane was gliding down and preparing to land at Nerv HQ. The cargo plane carrying the Spear of Longinus...
The pilots suddenly found that the guiding systems and other instruments on their plane started to distort and go haywire. They still had control of the plane, but these 'disturbances' made them go on edge as they did their best to stay in contact with their team waiting for them on the ground. Their radios suddenly filled with static and sharp hisses, the signal having trouble getting through.
In the cargo bay, the Spear stirred almost as if it was alive. It started vibrating, and a strange humming sound began to emanate from the strange material. The sound could heard from almost the entire plane.
Gendo rose from his spot in the aircraft cabin, Fuyutsuki stirred as he heard the strange sound as well.
"Disturbances in electromagnetism... humming... the Spear..." Fuyutsuki said an edge to his voice as Gendo came to the same conclusion.
"Attention. We're experiences some issues with the guidance system. Do not be alarmed. We are already in the process of landing at Nerv HQ. Please remain seated" one of the pilots said into the intercomm for the crew to hear.
…
Other Shinji let out a haggard breath as he felt the tingling sensation in the tips of his fingertips. At long last Nerv or SEELE, he didn't care which, had recovered the Spear.
Took them long enough Other Shinji thought. The boy Shinji had been stupid enough to draw them an actual picture of the Spear's location and it still had taken them years to find it.
The boy keeps making mistakes. I could stop him. It would be so simple. Perhaps I am too harsh, but then again... I need to be. I can never decided how much to intervene, it's still too soon. I could make things worse if I'm not careful the Other Shinji thought, considering recent events.
He lowered his hand.
...
Then as suddenly as the disturbances had started, they vanished. The pilots breathed sighs of relief as their guidance systems started to function properly again, and they ended up landing the plane as usual.
Once they'd landed, Gendo acted quickly and used his authority to immediately inspect the Spear. Unfortunately, the Spear was just as much a mystery as it had always been. In the end, there was nothing to inspect as the strange object was very difficult to study. Ultimately, the Spear was placed in storage.
Adam and now this. Too many things we do not understand. Fuyutsuki thought as he departed with Gendo.
...
When morning came, Shinji would have no memory of the Other Shinji's actions.
The next day
Shinji found a pleasant surprise on his way to school. He'd woken up later than normal, why had he been so tired lately? And he'd almost forgotten to make lunch for himself and Asuka, but he had managed to even though she'd had left before him as usual.
But then Mari had shown up on that bike of hers, driving at a slow steady pace when she'd spotted him walking around the spot where he usually met with Rei on the way to school.
He smiled softly as she drove her bike in a u-turn to trot beside him as he walked, the hum of her bike's engine helping him wake up.
"Hey there dummy" Mari said smirking at him as she drove at his pace.
"Hey there yourself" Shinji said. He was trying to be... what was the word? Smooth, but somehow he thought he hadn't quite gotten it down. The two of them made such an unusual sight, Shinji in his school uniform and Mari in her t-shirt, brown leather jacket, jeans, and on her bike. They looked like complete opposites.
"Come on, you can do better than that" Mari said proving his thoughts.
"I really can't" Shinji admitted with a soft chuckle, feeling a little embarrassed but knowing the tease for what it was.
"One of these days, I really need to teach you how to flirt" Mari said teasingly.
"Hey, I'm still new at all this" Shinji said sounding a bit whiny even to himself. Mari was very 'sweet' with him at times, but he was under no illusions of their 'experiences'. Mari had 'done' far more than he had, he knew Misato thought that was a bad thing but Shinji didn't care. Mari was Mari.
"I'm just messing with you. There was a time where I couldn't flirt for shit either, a time where I couldn't kiss to save my life. You're not doing so bad." Mari said offering him a quick smirk of her lips that almost made Shinji trip.
"Gah" Shinji stumbled as Mari brought her hand out to help him as she laughed. She did that purpose... damn she got me good Shinji thought starting to laugh even as his face went warm.
That movement of her lips had made his heart start pounding as he remembered the night they'd spent in his room, 'making out' for the first time. He really was glad Misato hadn't walked in on them until morning, otherwise she'd have never let him live it down.
"I don't suppose you're here to give me a ride?" Shinji asked having 'calmed down' by then.
"I could do that, but then we'd have even less time to chat" Mari said simply. He hadn't thought of that but it was true, there was a reason she'd only been keeping pace with him when her bike was far faster..
Mari seemed to slow her bike down as she got oddly serious and almost sad, a rare thing for her, as she spoke in a lower voice saying "we don't see each other enough." She sped up her bike again almost passing Shinji up, but keeping pace with him.
"If it wasn't for this stupid house arrest we could... could... I don't know. Just see each other more" Shinji said feeling a surge of anger towards his father and the military.
"Giggle. You just want to make out again" Mari said coolly.
Shinji blushed saying "maybe... just a little."
You're letting what's in your pants do the thinking for you. Stop that. The thing in his head stirred. A warning?
Go away he thought.
Mari was laughing with him again, man he was glad Misato hadn't seen that.
"Come on, you think they'd make a fuss if you missed another day of school?" Mari asked.
Shinji paused at that, thinking it over. He really wanted to skip school and spend the day with Mari instead, but he knew Misato would get after him. And even worse, Nerv. Gendo had told him that if he did anything like that, then they'd put an ankle monitor on him.
"I really really want to." Shinji began.
"But-" Mari interrupted with a knowing look.
"But I can't. With the house arrest... skipping school would make things worse. And I don't think I could take being cooped up in the apartment anymore, I can only clean so many times. Besides... school is... important. I should go whenever I can" Shinji said thinking over his words carefully.
Mari momentarily marveled at how 'mature' her boyfriend, semi-sibling, whatever they were, could be at times.
"You're such a goody two shoes" Mari said coyly. Shinji frowned at that adding "you say that like it's a bad thing?"
"Nah, I think it makes you... cute" Mari said looking for the right word as they moved in pace with each other down the side walk.
"Cute?" Shinji said. He wasn't sure if that was compliment or not. Mari seemed to know what he was thinking, and reached a hand over to run through his hair.
"It means you're better than me, dummy. I like that about you" Mari said softly, no tease or smirk on her face as she spoke. She was only ever 'real' with him, no one else.
Shinji slowly smiled saying "you're still way cooler than me." He gestured at the motorbike she was riding to keep pace with his meager walking speed.
"Oh definitely. Way cooler than you" Mari teased, going back to her 'normal' self.
"You don't have to rub it in" Shinji said with a chuckle as he shook his head. "I know, but I wanted to" Mari said punching him playfully on the arm.
Listen. Rei is waiting for you up ahead. Don't ignore her again
Rei- what? Shinji thought.
She's been up ahead waiting for you the whole time. You didn't notice because you don't pay attention when Mari's around. The thing in his head stirred.
What happened to 'I'll leave you be'. Leave me alone he thought.
"Hey Rei" Shinji said in greeting as Mari 'hovered' behind him on her bike.
"Shinji" Rei said looking at Mari and then at Shinji in turn. The strange pale girl was dressed in her school uniform and Shinji thought she seemed very... 'stiff'. Something about the way she was talking to them.
"Hey Rei, what happened? You don't greet your Eva partner?" Mari said smiling at the younger girl, she had a habit of smiling when Shinji was around. Shinji did the same in Mari's presence.
"Hello, Mari" Rei said slowly.
"Still don't like me. Eh, fine. Just saying, we are Eva Team Two. Least we could do is be friendly." Mari said with a soft sigh. She had parked her bike so they could talk.
Shinji looked between the two girls, Rei tilting her head at that and staring unblinkingly at Mari for a moment before turning to Shinji. "We are running late. It is better if we find the bus stop, and ride the rest of the way" the strange pale girl said.
Mari watched Rei as the pale girl spoke. "Rei's right. I'll see you around Shinji, house arrest is almost over" the older girl said wrapping an arm around him in a light hug.
"Bye Mari" Shinji said beaming up at her as Mari started her bike up again. She leaned in and rested her forehead atop his for a brief moment, just like she used to when they were kids, before starting to drive off.
Shinji would be lying if he said he wasn't disappointed, some part of him had hoped for a kiss goodbye but maybe he wasn't suppose to do that. Damn, he wished he knew more about relationships. Is it the guy or the girl's job to start the kiss? Maybe it was better this way, something were just 'awkward' with other people around, even if Rei was his friend. Speaking of Rei, she was watching him with that curious look of hers. He never could tell what she was thinking when she did that.
Suddenly Shinji was brought out of his thoughts when Mari shouted back from her bike as she drove off, calling out not to Shinji but to Rei, beaming and with a playful smirk planted on her face.
"Oh! And Rei, keep your hands to yourself. That dummy over there is taken." Mari called teasingly as she drove off waving Shinji goodbye.
Shinji gaped at his 'girlfriend' and her parting words, feeling slightly embarrassed at the whole thing. Mari just liked to play with him like that sometimes, but to drag Rei into it too? Whatever happened to that thing about somethings being 'awkward' with other people around?
Shinji did not understand girls at all. As for Rei, she only tilted her head at that. Seemingly unsure what to make of Mari's words either.
"Mari is a very strange" was all Rei said. Her voice empty and flat.
"She's not so bad. She's just teasing, been doing that since we were kids." Shinji said sighing as he shook his head.
"... we are running late Shinji" Rei said avoiding his gaze as she grabbed a hold of the sleeve of his shirt and started walking for the bus stop.
"Hey- Rei I can walk" Shinji said surprised as Rei tugged him gently along. Shinji only managing to pull himself free once he kept pace with her.
Hurrying along, the two of them made it just in time to reach the bus as it stopped. A part of him did wonder why Rei was in such a hurry to get to school, but she was his friend and probably just looking out for him.
You just don't get it. Do you? Even now after all the good you've done for Rei. And now you do this to her, how cruel. The thing in his head stirred, even as he and Rei got on the bus.
Go away or I'm taking my meds Shinji thought, hurrying forward and saving a seat for him and Rei. He wouldn't let this ruin his day, it was already off to a good start.
School
"Shinji's in a good mood today. Its so strange to seem him like that" Hikari said watching her semi-friend from a distance as they were let out for their physical education classes. Track for the boys and swimming for the girls.
"Mmm" Asuka muttered as she and Hikari headed for the changing room with all the girls.
Rei walked past them wordlessly, that girl was always so quiet Hikari noticed. She'd have thought the strange pale girl would be glad that Shinji was in a better mood, he seemed to be her only real friend.
It's rude to pry. Not my business Hikari thought as she followed after Asuka.
…
"Seriously. Did you get a peek at Misato in the shower or something? You been beaming the entire day" Toji said as he ran track with Shinji and Kensuke.
"What? No, of course not" Shinji said a bit taken aback by that.
"He's got a point Shinji. Was it something to do with the Evas?" Kensuke asked, his eyes lighting up with excitement as he imagined the massive machines. Despite seeing how hard piloting could be, the boy had never completely given up his fascination with them.
"It's personal. I'll tell you later" Shinji said. He wasn't entirely sure where to begin with 'relationships' or even how to describe them. He figured he'd tell his friends later, for now he was just glad to be out of the house and able to see his friends again.
Toji and Kensuke shared a look. Pilots, always gotta be the weird ones the boys thought as they exchanged glances.
"Hey?! What was that about?" Shinji asked with a raised eyebrow seeing the exchange between the two boys.
"Its personal" Toji and Kensuke said, parroting Shinji with a small grin.
Shinji shook his head grinning at that as they jogged along with the other students. Class had pretty boring as usual, so he was glad to get some fresh airs with the others. He even 'raced' with Toji for once, and of course lost.
Toji left Shinji lying in the distance. The faster boy smirking back at them as Shinji stayed back with Kensuke. It wasn't even close, Shinji may have been a 'good' pilot but he wasn't exactly an athletic like Toji was.
In the end, Toji had helped Shinji up and together the three friends had gone to rest on the bleachers when the coach called them back. It didn't really matter that Shinji lost, he hadn't actually thought he could out run Toji, it was just good to be back with people his own age.
…
From there, the rest of the day went about as usual. Shinji eating lunch with his friends whilst Rei joined them like she usually did. She never really seemed to talk much, just liked to listen and sit beside Shinji until she was asked a question.
But things took a turn when Shinji was called out of class in the late afternoon near the end of school, Misato had come to pick up him. Checking him out of school, at least he'd stayed most of the day. He'd missed enough school already.
Shinji sat waiting for Misato to finish the paperwork in the chairs outside the main office. He had already gotten his things together and packed them in his backpack, he sat listening to his SDAT player wondering what was going on.
When Misato left the office she gestured for him to follow her "let's go Shinji. I'll explain on the way."
"It's not an Angel is it?" Shinji asked nervous as he got up, put his SDAT player back in his backpack, and followed after his guardian. Misato was still dressed in her usual work clothes, shorts, and jacket, but she carried herself like she going to court or something. Stiff, and she had that look that meant she was worried about him.
"No" Misato said as the two of them left the through the front door. Of course it's not an Angel, Rei and Asuka would have been checked out too he thought.
They made it to her car and Misato was unlocking the doors for them when she told him.
"Gendo wants you to meet him at your mother's grave" Misato said suddenly.
"... what?" Shinji asked. Misato got in her car and Shinji was numb as he walked around and got into the passenger's seat.
"I know it's sudden and a terrible thing to just spring on you, but he's the commander and things always go his way. Shinji, did he mention anything about this earlier? On the phone when we were celebrating the other night?" Misato asked.
She started her car and got them out of the parking lot as they spoke.
"No. He just called, said 'good work' then hanged up. We don't speak much... you know-" Shinji stared.
"I know. Gendo is a cold man" Misato interrupted. More like a massive dick who can barely remember his son's name at times she thought.
My fath... Gendo wants me to meet him at mom's grave. I- mom. Mom Shinji thought struggling to get a handle on all this. What a terrible idea to spring this all on him.
"Shinji?" Misato asked frowning at him. She'd thought he'd be annoyed at being forced to leave his friends at school again, but the boy was doing that thing again were he didn't talk about what was bothering him until forced to.
"I never been there. I've never even seen the grave." Shinji said slowly.
This is such a strange day. Was going great until Gendo had to interrupt... but it's mom. It's mom... and I don't think I can refuse he thought.
Misato glanced at him not sure what to say. She had to pay attention to traffic but somehow she thought there had to be a reason Gendo was doing this. Right? Shinji knew Misato was thinking the same thing as him, if Gendo wanted to 'be better' or else 'get closer with his son' then it was probably too little too late.
Or was there something else to this? Did Gendo just suddenly remember he had a heart, somehow both of them doubted that. Either way, Gendo was commander of Nerv. People followed his orders and even the house arrest was 'bent' so Shinji could meet with him.
"... then go for your mother." Misato said softly.
She'd been reading more of the files on Shinji since the hearing, and she knew that his former doctor, Page, had noted that he had a strong attachment to his deceased mother. Most of the files were sealed though, Nerv was so paranoid that even Misato couldn't see most of his medical files. Only basic overviews of his past and known traits.
"Yeah... I'll go to see mom." Shinji said slowly.
Later
At Yui's grave
Shinji met his father at the graveyard as ordered to. Gendo had dressed in his usual black attire. Did the man ever anything else?
He wished he could have been here with Misato instead. She was more a parent to him than Gendo had ever been, Misato wasn't perfect but she tried. That was more than could be said for most of the adults in his life.
But no, Misato had parked out in the lot and told him she'd been 'ordered' to stay behind. Shinji would have to go meet his father on his own. He wondered if it was 'right' to be mad at his father for that, but Shinji was.
He wanted to be here, to see his mother's grave after all this time. He'd never really known he'd wanted it until now when it was happening. But come on, Gendo was a grown man. Couldn't the man have told him days in advance and when there was no school. To just take him away like that annoyed Shinji.
In the end, Shinji came to see his mother. Not his 'father'.
Shinji walked the along the empty field of graves in the massive yard. He'd spotted his father standing over a lone grave in the distance, and started heading for the man.
Gendo said nothing as he approached. The man barely even looked at him as he arrived, figures. Shinji turned from his father's detached gaze and instead focused on the tombstone of his mother.
Yui Ikari.
Beloved wife and mother
Shinji stared at the grave markers, and felt his hands trembling as he reached down to trace the engravings.
He had never been here before. Never been allowed to visit the grave of his mother. Shinji had started to develop his 'condition' shortly after his mother had died in some science experiment that he didn't know much about it. Shinji struggled to remember his mother even after all these years, but those memories that he could still hold onto were cherished and worth more than anything in the world to him.
"Mom..." Shinji whispered kneeling down. His voice trembled when he spoke, he couldn't help it.
This lost bond. He remembered his mother's touch so vividly even now, remembered her cradling him as a baby. From the few memories he had of Yui Ikari, he knew that she had loved him. Truly loved him as only a mother could love her son. Holding him with the gentle hands that only a mother could have.
Gendo said nothing as Shinji felt long buried emotions resurface. Only watched his son in his display of open sorrow.
"You don't have many memories of her, do you?" Gendo asked at last. The grown man standing still as a statue over his son, his expression hidden behind tinted glasses.
"A few. I know she loved me. I know she did. But I- I can't see her face anymore... I don't even have a picture" Shinji said managing to get the words out. His lips trembled as he spoke.
He was anxious of being alone with his father, they had no real love for each other. But this chance had been too good to leave behind, for him to see Yui's grave.
"Why did you spring this on me so fast?" Shinji asked not really looking at Gendo, but distant and cold much like the man before him.
"Because I felt you needed to see her." Gendo said plainly. Even now, he spoke plainly with barely a hint of emotion. But Shinji heard the undertone in his father's voice, proof that even Gendo Ikari was human. Human only for Yui and no one else... not even his son.
"I- what she was like?" Shinji said staring at the grave of his mother. He couldn't bring himself to face his father even here.
"Yui was the most brilliant person I ever knew. She was smarter than me, smarter than most people actually. I learned many things from her" Gendo said simply.
Shinji closed his eyes and placed a hand on the grave, trying to feel something, anything. But his mother was dead, and he only felt the cold stone.
"I can't believe she's really here. That she's been resting her all this time. It's hard to remember her face, why can't I remember." Shinji said slowly. That severed bond, that feeling of warmth from the memories of his mother... it wasn't here. He could remember it, could cling to it, but this was just a grave no matter how much he wished otherwise.
"Burying memories is how mankind survives, but there are things a man should never forget. Yui taught me that one irreplaceable thing. I come here once a year to remember those words." Gendo said simply.
So cold. Coming here to remember a lesson and not the person? So cruel. He had to have cared about her... I heard it in his voice moments ago. Shinji thought.
"Do have any pictures of her?" Shinji asked slowly. He had never asked his father for anything, but if there was something he would have wanted, that would have been it.
"None. Even this grave is just a decoration. There is no corpse. Nothing remains anymore." Gendo said simply.
There's not even a corpse? What happened to you mom? Why would no one tell me? Even in the ward no one could tell me, and he never visited Shinji thought darkly.
"How can you do this? How can you just... just cast everything away?" Shinji said shaking his head in disbelief.
"I keep everything in my heart. I'm satisfied with that." Gendo said sternly.
Shinji stood and turned away from the grave to look at his father instead. The two of them had the entire graveyard to themselves, the privilege of Nerv and its commander.
"Why didn't you ever visit me in the ward?" Shinji asked suddenly. He didn't cry, didn't stumble over his words. He was flat and empty just like his father. He wanted to know. What had he done to Gendo? Why had his father never cared for him?
Gendo shifted his hands behind his back, remembering the day he had visited Shinji in the ward. The boy had been 11 years old and in a coma of sorts, and having woken after about a week. He and Page had been talking behind the observation window, with Shinji none the wiser.
"There was no point. What could I have done to make things better? What could have I said? It was better that way. You're old enough to know that by now" Gendo said simply. Logical, so cold in stark contrast to the few memories Shinji had of his mother.
What would I have even said to him? Maybe he's right and it was better that way, but damn... that had hurt. Teacher tried to make me feel better, but at the end of the day that nice man was still collecting a check for all his work Shinji thought.
Shinji looked away unable to meet his father's gaze, so he turned to the grave and remembered his mother instead.
"Our time is up. I am very busy man. Continue your work with the Eva. Goodbye Shinji" Gendo said suddenly.
That's it? All this trouble for a few minutes out here? All I get is a few minutes with mom? What did I do to you Gendo Shinji thought.
A helicopter was flying over them, the sharp chirping of the aircraft filling the air above. No doubt Misato was watching from the lot, annoyed at Gendo using his power to get personal flights.
"Bye" Shinji said. Well, what could he expect from his father? He didn't watch Gendo turn to leave, didn't even bother to watch him head for the helicopter as it started to land nearby.
Gendo started heading for the helicopter when suddenly a voice stopped him in his tracks.
"You never learn, do you Gendo?" The Other Shinji said suddenly. His voice cold and with an edge that carried across the graveyard.
Gendo stilled, no child should have a voice like that. Sorrowful and cold, bittersweet.
The man turned to glance at his son looming over Yui's grave.
"Tell me, do you actually believe any of the garbage that comes out of your mouth?"
"Excuse me?" Gendo said a flicker of annoyance in his tone.
"Do you really believe any of the crap you just said? I don't think you do. I think you're a liar. Lying even to yourself. Telling yourself that you're 'happy' and 'satisfied' with only the memories. But you're not." Other Shinji said. The boy turning to meet the gaze of Gendo Ikari with empty hollow eyes that unnerved the older man.
"Boy-" Gendo began.
"You wall yourself off from everything and everyone. Ignoring your own son to chase after a ghost. As if you were the only one to ever feel pain. Don't make me laugh" Other Shinji said harshly.
Gendo felt his hands clench into his fists. How dare this 'boy' mock him. He felt himself losing his cool for once, something that even SEELE had not been able to do to him.
"What are you?" Gendo asked coldly.
"You know what I am, father. I'm your son." Other Shinji said simply. His voice eerily calm as he stared at Gendo unblinkingly.
Before Gendo could reply, the Other Shinji raised a hand and pointed his thumb to the grave behind him. "And I am the son of Yui Ikari too." the Other Shinji added coolly.
The air around them in the graveyard seemed to still as the two stared each other down. Gendo often wondered what had happened to Shinji. What had caused the condition and strange outbursts, but to see it in person unnerved him.
The Other Shinji pointed a finger at Gendo and taunted "but let's talk about you."
What are you? Gendo thought darkly as he felt the urge to flee, but managed to resist it.
"Poor you, you lost someone close to you. Ha. Everybody's lost someone. You think you're the only person whose known lost? Whose felt pain? Everyone has felt pain." the Other Shinji taunted. His eyes unblinkingly and cold.
"I would not expect you to understand-"
"Understand what? Pain? I've felt pain. More than you can even imagine. Yet 'Gendo Ikari' just has to be so special. So important. Using everything and everyone around him. Closing himself off from the world. Telling himself that he does not need 'emotions' and that it is better to be alone rather than to get hurt or hurt others. Choosing to bury himself in his work and scheme away for years. Chasing after the ghost of a woman whom he knows never truly loved him. Lying to yourself. When really, you're scared Gendo. Scared of the truth." Other Shinji said coldly.
He never shouted, never even raised his voice. Yet Other Shinji's voice carried above everything.
Gendo Ikari walked over, hands balled into fists, and loomed over his son. "Be quiet boy. I-" he began before Other interrupted him.
"You know that you will never see her again. Don't you get it Gendo? Yui Ikari is dead. She's gone and she won't come back. There is nothing you can do to change that." Other Shinji said softly.
Gendo flinched back as if struck. Almost panting at the coldness behind Other Shinji's words.
"Shut up" Gendo whispered harshly to his son. His breath controlled and still, his facade of stoic reserve breaking at these words.
"How pathetic. Grow up, Gendo. Yui wasn't perfect. She was human, not the idol you pretend she was. All these years and you haven't grown. Haven't learned to move past the pain, clinging to less than a memory. Making excuses for everything you've done." Other Shinji said.
"Shut up!" Gendo said. He raised a hand trying to slap his son hard across the face.
SNATCH
Instead Gendo froze as the Other Shinji snatched his hand midstrike with a surprising amount of strength. It was incredible how fast the boy had moved, his hand having appeared where it was in the blink of an eye. Gendo tried to pull his hand back but found Other Shinji's grip unbreakable.
"Ghh" Gendo hissed in shock.
"You will never see her again" Other Shinji said softly. At the same time he reached his thumb across Gendo's palm and felt no strange bumps or irregularities.
Still normal. Afraid aren't you? You haven't transplanted Adam into your hand yet. Gendo, you idiot. You're messing with dangerous forces that you do not understand. All of you are wrong. SEELE or Nerv, it makes no difference. You all know nothing. The Other Shinji thought darkly.
Shinji stepped back blinking in surprise, he'd dosed off for a second or something. Next thing he knew his father had tried to slap him... and somehow Shinji had caught the man's hand before it reached his face.
He stumbled back shoving his father's hand away in shock.
"You tried to slap me... you-" Shinji said in disbelief as he stared at Gendo.
Gendo himself seemed to shrink as his hand was released, slumping his shoulders and wincing back as if he'd been the one hurt. He had lost his cool. Something that hadn't happened in years. And then there was Shinji... all this time and the boy still surprised him. This strange thing that was Shinji Ikari, the thing that even SEELE did not understand.
"We will never speak of this" Gendo said turning his back on Shinji.
The Nerv pilots were staring at the scene from afar, the helicopter waiting patiently for Gendo but the pilots having seen the entire thing. Having seen what appeared to be father and son arguing before father had tried to strike son.
"You did not see anything. This did not happen." Gendo told the stunned pilots as he entered the helicopter. The pilots nodded slowly and went back to their jobs, the small aircraft taking off as it fast as it could.
Shinji staring at his father left him again, watching as Gendo flew away after having tried to slap him.
…
Misato was angry as hell when she heard what had happened, heard that Gendo had tried to slap his son. She was grateful that boy had stopped his father, but that was a whole new low for Gendo in her book. What kind of man was he to do that?
Shinji only shook his head trying to move on as Misato ranted. There was no love lost between him and Gendo, but this had been something else. Something worse. But Shinji would be alright, he had Misato, Mari, and the others.
And for Gendo? In the hours that followed he kept himself at a further distance to the people under his commander, more so than usual. He isolated himself, unnerved that the boy had managed to shake him so deeply. Had shaken him to his very core despite Shinji being a child.
Yui... what would you have made of this. Of what has happened to your son Gendo thought darkly as he went through his day.
Sort of an abrupt end. I know.
I struggle a bit writing this chapter because I really wanted to focus on the character interactions whilst moving the timeline a bit further.
Showing more of Shinji's growth as well certain characteristics about Other. And some implied contrast between the changing Shinji vs Gendo.
The whole taking food from each others plate thing is inspired by an old girlfriend of mine, she would take my fries hehe. And I thought it would be good to show some of Mari's effect on Shinji.
I like to think Shinji is growing to be less mopey. I do have bad habit of overwriting, there was a version of this chapter that was literally twice as long but the pacing would have been bad so I altered it. Overall, I am happy with this chapter.
There is still that tension with Shinji and Other. Their relationship is complex and there's still more to to it. Other is always interesting to write.
Anyway, I've rambled enough.
Thanks for Reading and please Review!