Unravel

by Homer's Disciple

Shinji rejected Instrumentality, but he made so many mistakes. He has one last chance to set things right, to unravel everything and save what matters. A retelling or altering of the series, an altered version of Shinji with an altered past. Life takes a different path, but do all paths lead to the same destination? Is Shinji doomed to never know happiness?

18. Ikari II

Hey guys, back again.
I do sincerely apologize for the long wait between chapters, life got in the way. But I'm back.

This is a very character heavy chapter(LONG) that moves the timeline up a bit at the same time. Stick with it, maybe read in parts if too long.
Seriously, it might be better to read this chapter in parts.

Thank you all for being patient with me, and thanks to the new readers for checking this fic out.
Here is chap 18: Ikari II

---

"In a better world, everyone would have the right to happiness. That's not the world we live in. Not the one you live in. Unhappiness is more common than happiness... and we have a job to do. There is no one else. You are not like the others, Shinji. You are different and your life has been hard. You have inherited a legacy of pain... "

- the broken man

---

"Alright. Rei, sync is looking good. Just follow your orders and you'll be set" Ritsuko said into the comm.

Eva Unit 00 loomed over the lone scientist in the deepest parts of the Geofront, the hidden chambers inside Nerv known as Terminal Dogma. In the Eva's hand stood the Spear of Longinus, massive and mysterious, it had the power to potentially kill Angels and Evangelions alike.

"Understood" Rei said flatly. She was sitting in the entry plug of her Eva going through the motions and following Gendo's orders. She gripped the Spear tightly in her hand as the doors to Terminal Dogma were opened, the massive heavy doors parting as Nerv's secret was laid bare before her.

Rei did not care about it, did not even fully understand what it was. Gendo had given her orders and she would follow them, and she had lingering thoughts that caused her to have a strange emptiness inside her chest.

Shinji.. Rei thought with a twinge she could not explain. A feeling in her heart, she blinked and pushed the thoughts of her only friend away.

Lilith, the Second Angel lay ahead nailed to a red backdrop that was the size of an Evangelion. Lilith was a tall humanoid being with flesh that was ghostly white save for a strange faceplate.

To Ritsuko watching below, the being was awe inspiring. The Second Angel whom had battled the First so long ago, the source of LCL, and the only Angel ever to be used for mankind's progress. The scientist staring at the beings imprisoned deep down in Nerv.

To Rei, the Second Angel was just another mission that she wasn't given details of.

"Go on Rei." Gendo suddenly called into her comm.

Rei did not bother to respond, instead she moved her Eva forward Spear in hand. Eva Unit 00 lifted the Spear up ready to impale it in Lilith's torso... but she stopped suddenly.

A strange tingling sensation in the tips of her fingertips.

Ritsuko frowned at the laptop in her hand, watching as the display seemed to distort and whine as if under a magnet. Electromagnetic disturbances... the Spear Ritsuko thought glancing up at Rei and her Eva in shock.

"What is this?" Rei asked as she felt via the phantom sensations a soft humming. The Spear had started to vibrate.

"Rei. Do it now" Gendo called into the comm suddenly, watching from afar in his own private station above.

The strange pale girl did as commanded and stabbed the Spear into Lilith... and as the 'blade' sank into Lilith's flesh the vibration stopped.

"You will not speak of this to anyone. Not your fellow pilots. Not anyone else at Nerv. No one" Gendo said into Rei's comm.

"Yes sir" Rei said plainly. She wanted to go home already, she had school tomorrow and she wanted to get sleep.

Ritsuko was watching the Spear in fascination but Gendo got her attention, calling into her comm saying "assist Rei so she can go home. Then if you are free, meet me in my office."

"Yes sir" Ritsuko said glancing back at the older man watching from above. So it was another of those nights it seemed, well who had time for proper 'relationships' anyway.

…

Gendo watched the impaled Lilith from behind his tinted glasses. Nervously he looked down at his encrypted laptop and at the file opened. Another scanned image of Shinji's drawings.

A crude childlike picture of a humanoid figure, with only it's upper half torso, crucified to a cross with the spear impale in its flesh. Completely white save for its face. A drawing of Lilith.

Right again Shinji... how? Why did it have to be you? Gendo thought, his hand beginning to shake as he remembered the incident at the graveyard. The way the boy had spoken, how he had made Gendo lose his cool for the first time in years, and how quickly the boy had moved to stop Gendo's strike...

Another night with Dr. Akagi would calm him, he hated this feeling of weakness. He needed to 'relieve' it and purge himself of his nerves.

Forgive me Yui, I do not care for her. Only you, only ever you Gendo told himself.

…

And later that night, Ritsuko would find herself wondering just how things had come to this, being used and pushed aside. She might not have been a very warm person, but to say Gendo could be a cold man was an understatement. She told herself that relationships took too much time and effort to work, that it was just not worth it. Yet part of her started to doubt that too...

---

Morning
Misato's Apartment

Shinji sat at the breakfast table with his 'roommates' as Misato raged in hushed mumbles and Asuka only continued eating her food.

"Trying to hit a child... his own kid... damn him. He'll get away with it too, he has connections and power." Misato was grumbling to herself.

"Misato, stop. I'm okay. Just let it go... I don't think we'll ever talk again and maybe that's a good thing" Shinji said watching his guardian's unease.

"Sounds like a perk to me, your old man is a prick" Asuka muttered. She did not like these forced 'family meals' that Misato was still making them do, but she did add in a comment every now and then when conversing.

"Humph, I guess he always has been" Shinji said with a soft grunt. If he was younger, that might have hurt him but he was older now and knew there was no connecting with his father. Even without the slap it had already been too little too late, or had Gendo even wanted to connect at all? The man was a mystery and who knows what he had been truly planning with their meeting.

Still... how did I catch his hand mid-strike? I-

You caught it because I helped you. I've helped you a lot over the years.

Damn it. 'You' just had to come back.

Gendo is a lost cause. You're right to let him go. He is a walking failure. The thing in his head stirred.

Shinji suddenly rose from his chair getting the attention of the others. "Hey, I'm gonna take my pills for today. Where did you leave them? I'll put them in my room, need to refill the prescription bottles."

Misato blinked in surprise but she straightened up in her chair saying "they're in the top cabinet, a re-fill of the red pills. The black ones are still good I think."

Ever since the hearing, Misato had taken charge and switched the delivery of the pills from Ritsuko's office to hers, where from there Misato took them home with her. It unnerved her to know that Shinji had to take medicine, but she reminded herself that Shinji was a good kid and very responsible for his age. Condition be damned, he was more than healthy in her book. She let him handle his medicine once she brought it him, she wanted to let Shinji know that she trusted him.

"Thanks" Shinji said heading for his meds.

Boy, we've talked about this for so long now. Don't take those pills. They mess with your head. They damage you far more than I ever could. This game of ours is making me lose my patience. Trust me, don't-

Says the voice in my head. Need to take to meds he thought bitterly.

That medicine weakens you. It weakens you in every way. I've tried to protect you from them but you still won't listen. The voice said sounding tired and annoyed.

Shinji shook his head, shaking off the thing inside his head as moved on.

Asuka was watching Shinji as he went for his pills, frowning as she remembered the insanity that had over taken her mother years and years ago. Shinji did not seem to be that far gone, but she was still unsure of how to feel about the whole thing. The German girl scoffed as she felt Misato's eyes on her, a warning.

Don't call them 'crazy pills' again. Misato seemed to say.

"I already apologized" Asuka muttered under her breath. Jeez, Misato always had to play favorites. Everything just had to be about Shinji.

…

Shinji stocked his re-filled meds in his room and swallowed his red pill.

There, at least a few hours of quiet he thought with small sigh of relief. He put his prescription bottles back up and headed for the restroom. He needed to brush his teeth before heading to school. He wouldn't let anything ruin the day for him. He only had four days of his house arrest left. Four more days and he was free, things were looking up for him.

Four more days. Four more days until freedom he thought on the verge of humming to himself. Shinji put a hand on the restroom door, pulling it open and stepping inside.

Then something happened... and Shinji was standing in the restroom blinking in front of the sink with the water running. He had a funny taste in his mouth... almost like... like... vomit.

What just happened? Did I space out again- Shinji thought when suddenly a knock at the door interrupted his chain of thought.

"Hurry up! I need to brush my teeth too." Asuka said from the other side of the door.

"Sorry Asuka" Shinji said hurriedly getting out his toothbrush and going as fast as he could.

---

School

"Hey Rei, don't fall asleep in class" Shinji whispered to his friend.

Asuka had beaten him to school as usual, and he still packed a lunch for her still without really knowing why, and on the way over Shinji had found Rei to be unfocused and sleepy.

"I had another test at Nerv, the process took several hours into the night" Rei had told him when he had asked.

Still, Shinji thought maybe Nerv was pushing her a bit too hard. Rei had seemed a bit 'cranky' this morning, once again insisting on taking the bus once Shinji arrived at their meeting spot with Mari driving beside him. Shinji had thought they would have made it to school on time, but Rei had insisted on taking the bus and Shinji was forced to part ways with Mari.

"I am sorry. I will be fine" Rei whispered to him as she blinked and rubbed her eyes. The strange pale girl really did seem tired today. Shinji was about to respond in another hushed whisper when suddenly he caught Hikari glancing his way and hissing, 'be quiet'.

'Sorry' Shinji mouthed back as he was forced to leave Rei alone during lecture.

The rest of the school day went by as usual, with the teacher droning on and on whilst the class halfheartedly took notes before being released for physical education and lunch in turn.

Shinji wanted to talk to Rei, but it was hard to get his friend alone as the day went on. He really liked Toji and Ken, they were his friends too, but he had known Rei longer and they worked together as pilots. There was something he needed to get off his chest, and it was probably too late but he felt he needed to tell Rei himself.

So he waited until class was let out, he'd have quick window to talk to her in private. All the pilots had a test today at Nerv, so he couldn't take too long.

"Go on without me guys, I wanna talk to Rei" Shinji said to Toji and Ken. The two boys shrugged and went on their way as Shinji called out to his fellow pilot. Asuka glanced at him as he stayed behind but said nothing.

"Hey Rei. Uh, do you have a minute " Shinji said once the two of them had managed to leave the classroom amid the crowd of rushing students trying to do the same.

"Yes, did you need something? Help with the school work for today?" Rei said flatly, blinking tired eyes at him. The strange pale girl tilting her head at him as she walked beside him, her eyes only on him. She tended to do that more lately.

Awkwardly gesturing for Rei to follow him out in the patio, Shinji lingered with Rei as the other students passed them by on their way home or else for the after school clubs.

Taking a deep breath, Shinji turned to Rei saying "uh... how much do you know about the hearing?"

Rei tilted her head at him wondering why he would ask that.

"I know that you were placed under house arrest. Punishment for disobeying orders and diving into Mount Asama to save Asuka, thus letting the abnormal Angel loose." Rei said speaking flatly as if reading a report. Before the strange pale girl continued "though that it was some time ago... did something else happen?"

The military completely left out the fact that Asuka and I killed the Angel when they failed to Shinji thought with a flicker of annoyance.

"No, nothing's changed. It was a while back but it was supposed to be 'private'. Misato told me that... that gossip was starting to spread and I know you probably heard by now... but I just- I wanted to tell you in person" Shinji said doing his best not to sound awkward.

Rei nodded still listening but unsure of where Shinji was going.

"When I was a kid, I had 'problems'. They got worse and I was placed in a mental ward for five years because of it. But I was deemed healthy about a year and a half ago" Shinji said getting the words out his mouth as his fast as he could. Better to get it out fast.

"And I still take medicine for it. But I have it under control. I was deemed responsible enough to handle my own meds. And I know it's unnerving for people to know someone like me, with 'head' problems... but I don't like to talk about it so I never told you and I-" Shinji said starting to ramble again as he tried to get the words out.

"Shinji, I know." Rei said interrupting him.

Of course she knows by now. I should have told her after the hearing. But the house arrest and I... damn. She must have overheard someone at Nerv chatting about it Shinji thought.

"Shinji. I have known about your time in the ward since after you first piloted Eva Unit 01." Rei said blinking up at him curiously.

That stopped him in his tracks, taking his breathe away just as he'd been about to continue.

What? How- she- he thought.

"You knew? All this time and you knew about my condition?" Shinji said in a whisper.

All the times he'd been with his friend, piloting, studying together, or helping her clean her apartment... and she had known since his first piloting run. He felt the thing inside his head stir but it went away a moment later without speaking.

"Commander Ikari told me. He briefed me on you because we were the only active pilots at the time" Rei said blinking in surprise at the emotions on Shinji's face.

"Wait. What? You talk to my father?" Shinji said confused.

"At times. Not very much, he is very busy. He took an interest in me because I was the first pilot. But not lately" Rei said simply.

Gah... that's just weird. Never mind, Gendo doesn't matter. Have to stay focused Shinji thought still in shock that Rei had known all this time.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Shinji asked.

"I did not think it was relevant. You had an illness and sought treatment, you were released. It is the same as treating any other injury." Rei said simply. She did not understand why her friend seemed so 'consumed' with his past issues.

"I- Rei, I don't think anyone has ever put it like that before" Shinji said seeing her logic, and still in awe over how she had not cared about his condition at all. She really was a good friend, he just had never noticed how much until now.

Rei gasped as Shinji smiled and embraced her lightly. Not a full hug like with Misato or Mari, but a warm embrace that startled Rei and sent her face blushing red.

He wouldn't really have done something like that normally, but he was working on his people skills and he considered Rei one of his closest friends. How strange, even a month or so ago he would have never done something like this.

"I do not understand. What is this?" Rei asked feeling something in her chest that she could not explain, a quickening that made her feel 'pleasant'.

"It's a hug. You really are a good friend Rei" Shinji said softly. Funnily enough, this reminded him of his moment with Misato long ago. In my ways, Rei really did remind him of himself sometimes.

"A hug" Rei parrot slowly, nervously allowing herself to feel this new found sense of warmth.

"I struggled with people knowing about me for a long time. But you knew and you didn't care. Thank you for that" Shinji said pulling away and wondering if maybe he shouldn't have done that.

Rei had surprised him and she was one of his closest friends apart from Mari. In his early days of piloting, he had felt drawn to her, maybe it was because they were the only pilots at the time, or else because she had reminded him of himself, but he had managed to make friends with Rei. What little people skills Shinji had, he could thank Mari for. Hugging Rei had felt like the kind of thing Mari would have done for him.

"I... friend. You are a good friend too" Rei said getting the words out as she avoided his gaze, a soft undertone to her voice. Having stopped her hands from trailing after Shinji once the boy had pulled back.

Shinji was about to ask what was wrong but his phone vibrated and he checked it quickly to see Misato had sent him a text message.

Hey, remember to report to Nerv after school. There's a planned sync test involving all four of you. Asuka said she was on her way - Misato's message said.

"Nerv is waiting for us. We better get going." Shinji said checking the time on his phone. He really needed to get going before the Nerv men in black came looking for him again, they seemed to keep a respectful distance to the other pilots but definitely not Shinji.

"Yes. We have orders" Rei said softly, seeming to shake off whatever it was that had bothered her.

Together the two of them headed for the exit, where a Nerv car was parked outside waiting for them. Asuka having already beaten both of them two it.

...

Shinji found the men in black already heading for him when he and Rei arrived at the entrance. They did not look happy that he'd taken so long to get out of class, but nodded as he and Rei joined Asuka in the car.

You should have hugged Rei sooner. Much sooner. She cares about you more than you realize. Right now, you are being cruel. You are hurting her the thing in his head stirred.

Gah. Go away. I need to stay focused for the sync test Shinji thought nervously as he took a seat in the car.

That test is going to be cancelled. Nothing you will be able to do about it.

Shinji shook his head, trying to clear his mind whilst they drove on and on. Thankfully the thing in his head didn't bother him the rest of the drive over.

---

The incident

Shinji was happy to see Mari again, but it was short lived. The older girl had driven to Nerv on that motorbike of hers, beating the rest of them there. He tried to chat with her leading up to the test, they weren't always brought in together like this. All four Eva pilots brought in for a group sync test. But something had gone wrong, and instead all four of them been suddenly and violently ejected from the test plugs and left isolated from each other and the rest of Nerv. Only able to communicate via the comm.

Inside his ejected testing plug, Shinji's head had started stirring and he scowled as the voice told him:

There is an Angel inside the Nerv computers. Don't panic, Ritsuko will kill him. You're going to be stuck here awhile.

He'd been having a good day until that moment, he'd tried to brush off the thing inside his head as usual but found that once again 'it' was eerily right. All four of them had been stuck there whilst Nerv went under lock-down.

Ritsuko told them to remain calm and not to leave the entry plugs, her panicked but steady voice coming out over the comm system. Misato had been trying to tell them that something was going on when the comm system had been shut down.

Hours later, when the incident was over and Misato personally helped collect them all from their entry plugs, she debriefed them.

A strange Angel that existed as a kind of 'living' organic computer virus had indeed 'infected' the Nerv computer systems. It had tried to initiate the self destruct system whilst the Magi supercomputers tried to fight it off and apparently was losing for most of the fight.

Ritsuko, proving herself to truly be what Kaji called 'the smartest person at Nerv', acted quickly and somehow edited the Magi systems and 'tricked' the Angel into being killed. It was the first time an Angel had ever been successfully killed without the use of an Evangelion.

Shinji had known Ritsuko was smart, but that was just incredible. Yet he noticed she seemed less and less happy these days... maybe there was a reason Misato tried to take her out 'bar hoping' lately. She wasn't as 'kind' as she had been during the early days, more distant than the woman whom had helped get his medicine before the hearing.

---

Aftermath of the incident
Gendo's office

"And so the Angel exhibited strange behavior, even accounting for its abnormal structure. It appears that the 'living virus' tried to infect Eva Unit 01. Somehow, the Eva appears to have repelled the assault and Shinji's sync ratio spiked during the incident. Shinji seems completely unaware that it happened at all. Whatever it was, it dissuaded the Angel from trying to infect the other Evas." Ritsuko was reporting to her boss.

Gendo Ikari listened patiently, barely seeming to acknowledged her as he nodded saying "and from there it tried to take control of the base's computer systems. Tried to activate the self-destruct."

Ritsuko sighed saying "indeed, I managed to modify the Magi systems to counter-act the new threat and destroy it by-"

"That is enough for now. I will look at the full report later, you are dismissed" Gendo said in his usual cold tone.

That's it... I just killed an Angel. The first time that's ever been done without the Spear or with an Evangelion. And after last night... nothing? I- you... Ritsuko thought her mind a mess of frustration and mixed emotions compiled with the stresses of the day.

"Yes sir" Ritsuko said having to bite back a part of herself that would have responded very different to her 'lover'. Relationships take too much time and effort... better to have someone than nothing she had to tell herself as she walked out of Commander Ikari's office.

…

"Misato, I'm fine. Really. We were locked up in the plugs for the whole thing." Shinji was saying.

He was dressed in his street clothes, having been allowed to shower and change after being let out along with the others. Asuka, Mari, and Rei were all standing around in the hallway with him as Misato and some other Nerv staff checked up on them.

You really don't know? Damn Shinji, there are days you really surprise us all. Ritsuko said we weren't allowed to mention it until we knew more. Maybe the Angel just couldn't get into Unit 01... eh better to leave the science to the scientists. Misato thought.

"As long as you're sure. And here I thought the day was a tad boring before all this mess" Misato said turning to check on Rei and Asuka. She didn't bother checking on Mari, the girl was basically an adult both legally and physically.

Now she decides to check on us? Humph, always Shinji, Shinji, Shinji, stupid Shinji. It's all everyone seems to care about. He's not the only pilot Asuka thought mildly annoyed crossing her arms.

"It was pretty boring really. Some Angel, a living computer virus? Wow, so scary" Mari was saying sarcastically as she appeared beside Shinji and leaned on his shoulder comically. Shinji almost slid down but managed to catch himself and chuckle at Mari's grin.

Misato raised an eyebrow noting that girl really did seem to brighten his mood, though she liked to think Shinji was growing less and less mopey as time went on.

"The Angel almost destroyed the entire base. Something that none of the others have come close to doing before." Rei added in softly from the sidelines.

"Sigh. Just trying to lighten the mood" Mari said shaking her head.

"Can we leave already? The Angel's dead and I'm sick of being stuck here." Asuka cut in glancing at Mari and Rei in turn. She thought she knew was what between the 'psycho' and the 'weirdo' and she just wanted to leave. Being stuck in the plug for hours was bad enough.

"Yeah, I'd rather go home too" Shinji said followed by a chorus of agreement from the others.

Misato laughed at that. These teenagers may be the wielders of some of the most powerful weapons on the planet, but they were still teenagers. They didn't like waiting around and doing nothing.

"Alright then, I'm taking you home. No Mari, you can't 'tag along'. Shinji is still under house arrest. Rei, I can give you a ride." Misato said firmly.

Mari sighed leaning further into Shinji as the boy reached a hand up to grasp her hand in his. "Bye... uh it was really nice seeing you again... not that we saw each other much... with the Angel. And... you know what I mean." Shinji said awkwardly as he was forced to part ways with Mari.

Damn. The boy really cannot flirt. Misato thought with a small chuckle.

---

Four days later
The last day of Shinji's house arrest

Kaji stepped into the break room to find Ritsuko and Misato chatting near the coffee pot, his two friends looked a bit worse for ware but considering what had happened recently they had good reason to be.

"I don't want to talk about it. Just stupid boy problems, it makes me feel like I'm just another stupid college girl bimbo. I have work to do before tonight, if you want to make me feel better than buy me a drink at the ceremony" Ritsuko was saying, cigarette in hand with a trail of smoke behind it. Annoyed expression planted on her face.

"Ritsuko... sigh. I'll buy you a drink later, sorry for bothering you." Misato said in defeat as her friend nodded and walked off brushing past Kaji with a small nod of recognition.

Kaji glanced behind him as she left.

That's strange, is it connected to the Commander's new found layer of coldness? Gendo's been sterner than usual for a while. No one knows why. Could be nothing, have to keep an eye out Kaji thought, the inner spy in him looking for anything that might be important.

"She'll be fine. Smartest damn woman I've ever known, but cold. The wedding will give her a chance to blow off some steam" Misato said looking after her friend as well.

"With three assaults on Nerv in the last month and a half, I think we all need an excuse to blow some steam off" Kaji said in agreement. Kaji and Misato could still be friendly with each other, even if admittedly he did like to tease her at times.

"I didn't even want to go. But now looks like I have to, promise is a promise" Misato said with a halfhearted sigh.

An old college friend of theirs was getting married and the three of them had been invited. Rude not to show up, but Kaji figured Misato wasn't too pleased about him showing up there too.

"What did you want, Kaji?" Misato asked crossing her arms and seeming to realize 'who' she was talking to in the breaking room.

He flashed a playful smirk saying "who says I wanted anything from you? Can't I just enjoy the company of a beautiful woman?"

She rolled her eyes at him saying "no."

"Fair enough, I wanted to ask your permission to take Asuka out for a bit. Haven't seen her in a while, thought I'd check in with her." Kaji admitted letting the teasing drop.

Misato raised an eyebrow saying "sure, thought you weren't..."

"Weren't fond of Asuka? At times she can be bratty, but I admit to thinking of her as a little sister or cousin. Believe it or not, I am responsible when I need to be." Kaji said reaching for his own cigarette.

Misato actually smiled at that, before reaching over and plucking the cigarette from his hand before he could light it.

"Bring her back to the apartment before nightfall, and don't smoke in front of her. Might give her ideas that it'll make her more 'grownup'. See you at the wedding ceremony" Misato said as she left the break room.

Kaji watched her go, chuckling at his lost cigarette.

---

After school
The last day of Shinji's house arrest

"Kaji!" Asuka said beaming at his presence.

"Hey kiddo. Long time no see" he said picking her up from the school entrance and opening the door of his car for her. She hadn't seen him in awhile, and it showed.

"I was starting to think you'd forgotten me" Asuka said adopting a more 'playful' attitude than most people ever saw her in. Yeah, she tended to act differently around him. Crush and all that, so he'd always kept himself at a bit of distance from her. Watchful, but also separate. She had a bad habit of liking older boys, the ego that comes with being a prodigy he supposed, and he was definitely too old for her.

"Never. Hop in, we're holding up the line." Kaji called glancing at the line of cars behind him.

"Where are we going?" Asuka asked as she got into his car.

"Thought I'd take you to the mall. Catch up, see how you've been doing." Kaji said as he drove.

Her parents had asked him to keep an eye on her. It's not that they didn't trust Misato per say, just that Kaji had often come off as more professional when they'd met him. He had been Asuka's temporary guardian during her move to Japan, and he'd been very busy lately. Nerv work, as well as his 'other' job.

"Great. Misato never takes us anywhere" Asuka said smiling softly as he drove.

Ha. Misato probably doesn't want to be rude to Shinji. Trying to be such a 'mom' lately, what has that boy done to her? Kaji thought shaking his head at the thought. Misato a mother figuratively? What had the world come to.

"What's so funny?" Asuka asked looking up at him expectantly.

"Nothing kiddo, just thinking about the past" Kaji said. All the while picturing the younger Misato he had known drinking too much and partying up the day before exams, then the two of them begging Ritsuko for help so they wouldn't fail.

He ended up spending the day being dragged around the mall by Asuka, he thought he'd be nice by buying her a gift or two... but damn. Asuka liked her things. He did not expect that much money to go by so he quickly, but he was the adult so fine. She wasn't too bad.

"Misato treating you okay? Seems to trying more lately" Kaji said walking beside Asuka through the mall. He really wanted to get a cigarette but Misato had made him promise not to smoke in front of her, she had a point so he didn't.

"Alright I suppose, I'd much rather live with you Kaji." Asuka said taking a bite of the ice cream Kaji had gotten her.

Not gonna happen kiddo. Too many things that could happen to me in my line of work, don't want you getting caught up in that anymore than you have to. And you'd never outgrow your crush that way, better to stay with Misato he thought.

"She tries to boss us around. Makes us all eat together. And stupid Shinji is always the favorite. He gets everything." Asuka was saying as they walked.

"I'm sure she doesn't play favorites" Kaji said not sure if he believed it or not.

"She does, goes out of her way to do things for him" Asuka countered.

"Asuka. Do you hate Shinji?" Kaji asked sighing. She had habit of running her mouth off like that, but she didn't always mean what she said. Asuka could be difficult, she was a prodigy, Eva pilot, and also a teenage girl.

"I... no. Not really... he's just so... so awkward and stupid. Taking his pills and cleaning for fun? Who cleans for fun?" Asuka said lowering her eyes and avoiding his gaze.

Kaji watched Asuka trying to read her. He knew he probably shouldn't have done this, but had wanted to know and asking Misato might have made her suspect something. He wasn't lying per say, he had wanted to check in with her again, but Asuka was very strategically placed.

"Asuka, has Shinji been acting strange lately? Have you noticed anything?" Kaji asked suddenly, taking the German girl by surprise.

"What?"

"Is Shinji alright? He hasn't done anything strange has he? Nothing out of the ordinary?" Kaji asked again.

Asuka briefly flashed back to the strange nights she'd seen the boy... seen Shinji Ikari standing with his eyes closed on the apartment balcony. The boy whom had helped her when she'd had her nightmare. And the way he would speak to her, different than the boy she knew during the day.

But at the same time, some small part of her flickered with frustration. Everything just had to be about Shinji. Even Kaji was asking after him all of a sudden. Why did everything have to be about Shinji? Why?!

"Who cares. It's just him." Asuka said bitterly as she turned away from Kaji's gaze.

Kaji grunted softly at that. "Alright, just checking up him. Hey, I know a new place that opened up recently. Come on, I'm sure you'll enjoy it."

He played it off cool, letting Asuka enjoy the rest of her day with him. She'd let the matter go pretty quickly and relaxed as time went on. Still, Kaji thought he shouldn't have asked her about the boy. Even if she did know anything, he'd been too direct and all the attention Shinji got was bothering her. Damn, he really let a good chance slip him by. Nothing to do about it now.

The boy's curious case would have to wait for now.

---

Hours later
The last day of Shinji's house arrest
Small house party

The time had come, he had seen it on tv for years, but now it was his turn. How hard could it be? He was Eva pilot, this should be easy by comparison. Less controls, no physical pain for him.

It was time to play a video game for the first time.

Shinji pressed the button labeled 'start'. That had to be right one, it was labeled start. He selected his character on the selection screen as Toji did the same with a smirk on his face. Once the game started Shinji flat out died in less than a minute.

Damn, it was just so complicated, there were so many buttons on the controller. By the time he had an idea to to try something, Toji had already beaten him to it and taken him out.

Shinji sighed as he lost again... and again... and again. It was sort of funny even as his girlfriend laughed beside him, resting her head on his shoulder as he learned to play video games.

This had been Misato's idea, his house arrest was officially over tonight at 8:00 p.m. and she'd surprised him with this little get together she'd planned for him. Misato had invited his friends from school, and reluctantly his girlfriend Mari, to the apartment. It was still a bit early, but Misato had pushed the Nerv people saying it was Shinji's last day under the house arrest and that technically this little get together wasn't breaking the rules as the boy was still locked in his apartment.

Misato had gotten Shinji a gift it seemed, a simple video game console. A bit old, but it was like having an arcade inside the apartment. He might not have been very good, but it was fun to have his friends over and play all the same. So the five of them sat in the living room with the video games, and two nearly empty pizza boxes laying beside them.

"Man Shinji, you suck. It's like you never played a game in your life" Toji was laughing as Kensuke watched on from the sidelines.

I guess it shows he thought rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. He shrugged looking at the scoreboard, zero wins for Shinji and three for Toji.

Mari placed her hands over his and gently pried the controller away from him saying "here dummy, watch how it's done."

Before of the other boys could comment, Mari had already started another round of the game. And to the surprise of all the others except Shinji, Mari flat out beat Toji and then Kensuke in turn. His girlfriend was very skilled and could learn things very fast, though he suspected this was not the first time she'd ever played a video game. She had been on the 'outside' longer than he had.

"I can't believe it. Girl is a damned demon" Toji said in shock.

"You just gotta practice. Come on dummy, you pilot an Eva. How hard could 'street fighter' be?" Mari said laughing as she handed him back the controller and pressed a soft kiss to his check. She did that to embarrass him, she knew he wasn't all that great with public affection but he felt himself laugh at Toji and Ken staring at him.

Seriously! What do girls see in him? Toji was wondering. The boy couldn't believe that Shinji of all people had gotten a girlfriend before he had, and Mari of all people too. A 17 year old.

Rei was watching them as Shinji awkwardly laughed feeling his face grow warm. He noticed his friend watching and he offered her a controller. "Did you want a turn Rei?" he asked.

Rei seemed to consider that before answering in a small voice saying "no thank you. I prefer to watch."

…

Asuka sat in the kitchen eating her supper, that Shinji had made for them before learning that Misato had planned a small party for him, and scowled as she tried to do her homework. The only thing that gave her trouble was all the Japanese symbols, everything else she could do.

Can't those idiots be quieter? Asuka thought mildly annoyed at all the racket Shinji and his 'friends' were making in the living room. She glanced over seeing Shinji play a round of the stupid arcade game with his girlfriend now.

Asuka managed a small smirk as she noticed Mari completely beating him. Serves him right she thought.

…

Misato poked her head out of the doorway of her room, smiling softly at Shinji laughing even as he lost the game until he managed to get lucky and beat a very reluctant looking Rei, whom had been forced into playing by Toji and Ken.

Rei smiled awkwardly as the tables turned and she managed to beat Shinji the next round. She heard Ken and Toji saying that those two were so bad they could only really play against each other. The boys were sort of right, Shinji and Rei were absolutely terrible gamers. But neither seemed to care.

It's nice to see him having fun for once. Boy's earned it. Misato thought.

Stepping out of her room, already dressed in her formal clothes for the wedding she was going to, she called out "Shinji, hey let me talk to you for a minute."

Shinji glanced around at his friends muttering quick apologizes before rising from his seat on the floor and heading for Misato. Toji and Ken taking turns trying to beat Mari, but finding little success.

"All dressed up already?" Shinji asked genuinely surprised to see his guardian in formal clothes. The two of them stood in the hallway to Misato's room, the sound of the others gaming in the background.

"I can dress up when I need to Shinji. How you feeling? Arrest is almost over, I thought the little get together would cheer you up." Misato said putting a hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Great. Thanks for setting this up. And uh, do I owe you for the video games and pizza? I don't use my Nerv money for much but I can pay it back-" Shinji began.

"No. Shinji, just be a teenager and have fun. That's all I wanted for you today." Misato said stopping him before he could finish his offer.

Shinji was grinning at her and was about to respond when suddenly an outburst from the living room, or 'gaming area', caught their attention.

"Sorry boys, I'm unbeatable" Mari was saying as Toji slumped into the floor having lost again.

Misato turned her attention back to Shinji as he stared at the 17 year girl in the leather jacket, and she watched as Mari turned to flash Shinji a smile before turning back to the game eagerly awaiting his return.

"So... you two doing okay? She's not forcing you to do anything you don't want to right?" Mari said carefully managing her tone.

Shinji turned back to her saying "what? No, Mari is... well... my girlfriend. We have fun together and I... she was my first kiss." The boy had started to blush and Misato raised an eyebrow saying "anything else."

His face grew an even darker shade of red as he shifted awkwardly saying "we haven't done anything like that."

"Good. She's a wild one" Misato said glancing at Mari before turning back to Shinji.

"She was my oldest friend, somehow we've always made it work" Shinji said surprisingly calm in his defense. That honestly surprised Misato.

"Well now, Shinji? Why didn't you say you liked older women? I'm insulted" Misato teased adopting a mock offended look.

Shinji only shook his head, he just knew she was going to tease him about that eventually. Better to let her have her laugh, she was only teasing.

"Hey, whatever happened to Rei? You two were pretty close and well... she only really talks to you" Misato said.

Shinji blinked in surprising saying "Rei is my friend. One of the closest. She always has been."

Oh Shinji... you really didn't see it did you? You still don't. Sigh, I wish I had more time for this. Teenagers. Misato thought glancing at the poor strange girl with blue white hair.

"I'm heading out already, I'm meeting Kaji and Ritsuko there too. We might be a while so don't wait up, if you need anything just call. I know you have plans with Mari after the party, but just... go slow Shinji. You're young" Misato said patting him on the arm as she headed out.

"Bye" Shinji called as Misato waved him off on her way out.

"Asuka, I'm heading out! Don't wait up!" Misato called out as she left.

---

At the same time

Asuka scowled again as she heard Mari practically screaming "Sorry boys, I'm unbeatable!"

Of course Misato just had to throw stupid Shinji a party on the one day Asuka decided to actually study. Everything for Shinji. Always him.

The German girl was surprised when Rei of all people came into the kitchen, but then she saw the girl walking towards the facet with a glass in hand. She was just getting more water, what a strange girl. Always getting water when they plenty of good soda pop.

Jeez, she looks so sad. Get over him already she thought. Normally Asuka didn't talk to Rei much, the pale girl was very quiet but this was starting to bother her. How could Shinji not see it? Asuka wasn't the exactly the 'nicest' person, she did realize that, but even she could see what the boy was doing.

"Hey, wonder girl. You don't have to keep moping." Asuka called.

Rei blinked in surprise at that. Looking up at Asuka with a frown, Rei hadn't seemed to have noticed Asuka was there at all. So caught up in her thoughts that showed all over her face.

"I am sorry. I do not know what you mean" the strange pale girl said. She tilted her head at Asuka, seemingly surprised that they were speaking. The last time they'd talked had been during the power out incident, when Asuka had asked her to lead them back to Nerv, and when fighting that spider like Angel.

She always does that Asuka thought off-handily at the sight of the head tilt and 'blank stare' number 1267 or whatever high number it was by now.

"Jeez, Shinji is just a boy. Stop pinning for him. You're worse than the psycho getting all over him. Just move on. " Asuka told Rei from the breakfast table. Asuka's homework laying mostly unfinished and unworked on as Rei stared at her before seeming to shrink at Asuka's words.

"We do not normally converse. I do not understand. What are you talking about?" Rei said blinking in surprising and looking at her feet.

Asuka rolled her eyes saying "Shinji. You keep looking at him, it's so obvious. Don't be such a doll, he's just a boy. Plenty of others out there wondergirl. Surely at least one of them is better than stupid Shinji. Move on"

"Shinji is not unintelligent. And he is my friend... I do not want to move on." Rei replied her voice low and barely above a whisper. Before Asuka could respond, the strange pale girl walked off towards the party again waiting for Shinji to come back.

He is happier these days Rei thought sadly as she left the kitchen.

Humph, this is what I get for trying to 'help'. Asuka thought shaking her head.

"Asuka, I'm heading out! Don't wait up!" Misato suddenly called out. Asuka glanced up seeing Misato all dressed up in her former clothes and wearing that fancy perfume of hers.

"Bye" Asuka called turning back to her homework.

She ended up not getting much work done, with Shinji and the little party that Misato had thrown for him distracting her.

---

Shinji cleaned up the area in the living room mostly by himself. Toji, Ken, and Rei had all left already. It wasn't that he didn't missing hanging out with them, it was just that he wanted to spent some more time with Mari, and he was minutes away from the house arrest being officially over. Literally 10 minutes til 8.

"Hey, I'm gonna gas up my bike. Meet me outside when I came back" Mari was saying as she started to pull her leather jacket on again. As the little get together had gone on, she'd taken it off adopting a more causal look that he thought she looked pretty in. Well, he thought she looked pretty in almost anything.

"Yeah, just let me know when to head outside" Shinji said as Mari waved him goodbye for now, heading for the door and making sure she had her bike keys.

Shinji glanced back at his phone, nine minutes til 8. Nine minutes until he was free to leave the apartment. He grabbed the left over pizza just as he heard Mari close the door behind her.

Grabbing the glasses and plates, he headed for the kitchen carrying everything as best he could. He almost dropped it all when he noticed Asuka looking up at him from the breakfast table where they usually had their 'family meals' that Misato insisted on having.

"Careful" was all Asuka said as Shinji hurriedly caught himself before he dropped anything.

"yeah yeah" Shinji said managing to carry everything to the sink, as well put the left over pizza in the refrigerator.

He didn't realize Asuka was looking at him until he turned around to find her struggling with something. He blinked in surprise at the sight of her sitting at the table, homework littered about, and trying to say something. That was strange, Asuka usually spoke her mind.

"Asuka?" Shinji asked confused.

I... I'm sorry. Sorry for getting you put under house arrest Asuka thought. Why couldn't she just say the words. This had been her fault... sort of... but mostly Gendo's. Yes, mostly the commander's fault. Not hers. Not hers.

"I was trying to study, you couldn't lower the volume?" Asuka said instead. Crossing her arms and getting frustrated that she couldn't say what she wanted to say more than anything else.

Shinji rubbed the back of his neck saying "uh, sorry. I guess I forgot you were trying to study. I'll tell Toji and Ken to keep it down next time."

He was trying to stay neutral, things between him and Asuka were still confusing to say the least. They had 'fought' in this very room before the power out incident.

Part of him felt he should offer to help her with her homework, but another shameful part of him didn't want to at the same time. She was a prodigy, she'd be fine he thought.

"I uh... did you want to play? I'm leaving in a few minutes and Misato said she got the console for us" Shinji said glancing at the living room.

"No I don't, it's just a stupid game" Asuka said glancing back at her homework that had mostly gone unworked the entire night.

She wanted you to invite her over. During your party. The thing in his head stirred.

Gah! You! Just... that's just wrong. Asuka hates me.

Asuka doesn't hate you. Shinji, she sat at the breakfast table for almost two hours trying to do homework when she knew she wouldn't get any work done. She wouldn't admit it, but she wanted to be invited over. People like to be cared for, people like to be thought of and included. You, of all people, should understand that.

Sigh, please go away. This day was great until you showed up. You just want me to be miserable. Shinji thought.

"Hmm, so Mari was in the mental ward with you... wasn't she? She really was psycho..." Asuka said slowly., completely taking him by surprise.

Shinji stopped in his tracks, frozen at Asuka's words. How had she known? Shinji didn't bring it up because he knew it was like when people knew. Mari had done a much better job here in Tokyo-3 of keeping it a secret.

"You two have history. Like childhood friends. Doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. Was she... was she worse than you?" Asuka asked out a mixture of curiosity and something else she couldn't quite make out.

Shinji's eyes fell and he spoke up saying "no, and don't call her that. Mari was better than me. She didn't have problems on the scale I did. There's a reason she got out first."

Asuka was about to respond when Shinji suddenly took a seat at the table across from here.

"Please Asuka, don't go telling people that. Neither of us like to bring that up. Just... just don't tell anyone." the boy said to her, oddly serious. Almost like when he was piloting.

It's not that hard to figure out she thought.

"Fine, if it means that much to you. Still, you and the psycho?" Asuka said giving him a knowing look. And bringing him out of his thoughts and back into the kitchen, she changed topics so quickly it was a little unnerving. Maybe Shinji had a habit of making problems bigger than they really were. He just hoped Asuka would keep her word and not tell anyone.

"Yeah, I guess." he said with a shrug. Was it really that hard to believe? Shinji knew he didn't have the best people skills, but it was getting a bit embarrassing how everyone kept bringing that up.

Asuka shifted in her seat saying "you know she's a bit wild right? She had a boyfriend or two when we were training in Germany. She's got more 'experience' than most. Bet Mamma Misato doesn't like that."

That was Asuka's way of teasing him, or was it? Shinji wasn't sure, she was hard to read these days not that he ever understood her at all.

Shinji looked away, thinking that over. Yes, he knew Mari had a past. She had told him about that, about how she decided to live life on her own terms and do what she wanted. Mari had wanted to experiment and she had, but that was the past. Shinji would be lying if he said it didn't make him self-conscious or uncomfortable at times that Mari had had other relationships before him. Even as recently as her time in Germany with Asuka. But he, of all people, would never judge her for the choices she had made in her life.

"I... I didn't know that. But I don't care. Mari is Mari" Shinji said surprisingly calm as he looked back at up Asuka.

The German girl studied him curiously. He thought he might have surprised her because she didn't seem to have a response to that.

"Why do you care Asuka? It's just me." Shinji asked softly. He was getting tired of always tiptoeing around Asuka. Sometimes they be could friendly to each other, other times not so much, and everything else in between.

"I don't care!" Asuka suddenly snapped, her arms crossed. Surprisingly defensive.

She does care. You're her friend even if she doesn't want to admit it. The thing in his head stirred.

Go away Shinji thought with a flicker of annoyance.

Why do I care? Asuka thought, not that she would ever show it. She shook her head getting the thought out of her mind, and neither of them spoke for a moment. Not the tension that preceded a fight between the two, but something else.

RING RING, Shinji's phone rang.

She watched as the boy answered as his phone with a soft smile.

"Hey Mari, I'll go wait outside." Shinji said into the phone. Looks like the psycho had gassed up her bike and was coming to pick him up.

Shinji sighed as pocketed his phone and got to his feet glancing up at her. "I'm heading out, don't know how long I'll be gone. Bye Asuka." he said.

Asuka said nothing as he left the kitchen heading for the apartment door. Leaving her all alone in the apartment for once.

She thought about calling Hikari or else going over, but her friend was probably asleep right now and it was rude to just barge in. Asuka glumly glanced down at her mostly untouched homework and got back to it. She wondered why being alone made her so glum, she was a prodigy and she could take care of herself. Asuka did not get lonely, at least that was what she told herself.

---

The inner city

Shinji clung to Mari as she drove through traffic, swerving in and out of lanes with that small smirk of hers. Mari loved the rush of riding her bike almost as much as Eva piloting.

"So you're free!" Mari called glancing back at him just as they past an intersection.

"Yeah! I don't know how you managed being locked up! My dad can be a real... a real" Shinji started to say, having to shout to be heard over the roar of the motorbike and the wind, but unable to find the right word.

"A real asshat!" Mari called back at him grinning to herself, unable to take her eyes off traffic but still chatting all the same.

"... haha Yeah! Uh, an asshat!" Shinji said laughing as Mari drove them through traffic. He had to admit, he sort of liked the motorbike now. He could see way Mari loved it, the air brushing across your face, the sense of mobility and flexibility.

If he wasn't so scared of crashing, he'd have been more willing to drive. But no, Mari was the one with the license not him.

"He ever tries to hit you again, give me a call and together we can show him what Eva pilots are made of!" Mari shouted back at him, only 'half' joking.

Shinji had to cling to her hips tighter as she turned a corner and her bike went dipping low, almost touching the street but never caught reaching it. Mari knew what was doing.

He managed to laugh at her words, of course Mari would say something like that. But no, he was not one to get into fights even if Gendo maybe deserved a smack to the head.

"Hey! Wait til we get off, plenty of time for that later you horn dog" Mari teased him just as he realized that he was still keeping a tight grip on his girlfriend's hips.

"Uh sorry! I-"

"Don't be sorry! Right time and place is all!" Mari teased him as they drove on.

He shook his head smiling softly at her words, things were looking up for him.

---

Misato's apartment

And whilst Shinji was enjoying his 'freedom' with a night out with Mari, Asuka was left alone in the apartment with nothing to do but stare at her homework and feed Pen Pen when the strange little bird strode up to her expectantly.

She still didn't know why she felt so glum, and why had she cared so much about stupid Shinji anyway. He was just another stupid boy, and Rei was pinning over him like some little doll, all whilst the psycho was all over him. And Misato had thrown him a party of all things... Shinji, Shinji, Shinji. Everything had to be about him.

Eventually she gave up on doing her homework for the day, she'd get it done later. She just couldn't focus on the work and it wasn't helping if she just sat the table staring at the worksheets. Instead she went to bed, or tried to.

...

Later on in the evening, a sleepy Asuka was woken by the sound of a doorbell.

Thinking it was Shinji, she opened the door with a scowl on her face ready to berate the boy for waking her up so late at night, and telling him off for staying out so late.

Instead, she found Kaji looking down at her with a very drunk looking Misato hanging on his shoulder.

"Kaji" she beamed despite being tired.

"Hey kiddo, give me a hand will you? Just got to get her to her room. Drank too much is all" Kaji said as he entered the apartment dragging Misato in with him. Asuka helped him with Misato, even as the older woman muttered a hurried thanks, and together they managed to leave Misato on her bed before closing the door and letting her sleep.

Kaji, still dressed in his formal clothes from the wedding he and the other adults had been to, sighed once he'd closed Misato's door for her.

"Hey, where's Shinji?" Kaji asked.

Always Shinji Asuka thought with a scowl.

"He's out with his 'girlfriend'. Don't worry about him, hey did you want stay here tonight? I'm sure Misato wouldn't mind" Asuka said watching as the man was already moving to leave.

"Sorry kiddo, I got work tomorrow. I'd never live it down if I came in looking like this" Kaji said heading for the day and waving goodbye.

"Come on, you can do it. Hey-" Asuka said clinging to Kaji's arm before stilling as she smelled something on him. Asuka's face fell as she realized what it was, and Kaji gently shook her off his arm. It was perform... Misato's lavender perform... that one she'd been wearing tonight. Her and Kaji... they had...

"Later Asuka. Take care of Misato, alright." Kaji said as he left her standing in the apartment all alone.

She stared at the door stupidly, hearing Kaji's footsteps growing further and further away from the closed apartment door.

Of course he'd want a woman, and not a girl. But Misato... she... and him... I... no. No! I'm not some useless doll pinning over a boy like Rei. I'm not! Asuka thought as she stormed off towards her room feeling stupid tears in her eyes.

She was Asuka Langley Sohryu, not a doll like Rei.

---

Mari's apartment

"The first time you visit, and you decide to clean for me? Shinji, you're not a maid" Mari was saying as she joined him on her apartment balcony over looking the inner city of Tokyo-3.

"Bad habit I guess" Shinji said as he moved over so Mari could lay down beside him.

"You gotta learn to stand-up for yourself, don't let anyone take advantage of you... except for me of course" Mari said relaxing beside him and giving him a playful jab in the ribs..

Shinji chuckled saying "can't help it."

The two of them had grabbed a bunch of blankets and made a makeshift futon/bed on the balcony so they could watch the night sky together. It beat being inside all the time, that was Shinji had done for most of his arrest. He was bit tired, but 'happy' for a lack of a better term.

Together they'd spent hours just exploring the inner city and walking, chatting about everything and nothing. Before heading back to her apartment, he'd never seen it before and he was actually surprised. It was bigger than Misato's apartment thought only barely.

He knew Mari didn't have restrictions on her money from Nerv, but he didn't realize how much piloting actually payed until he saw Mari's place.

"Something's bothering you dummy, what's wrong?" Mari said sighing as they lay down together on the blankets outside with the night sky above them.

Shinji shifted saying "just something Asuka said. She knows both of us were in the ward together."

"Not that hard to figure out. Especially with everything that's happened lately, you worry too much dummy. I've dealt with it before, and you dealt with it now. You know who you care about and who cares about you" Mari said turning over to face him.

"Yeah... I do" Shinji said turning back to face her too. His eyes meeting hers.

He couldn't believe how much had happened since he'd first arrived in Tokyo-3. From piloting to fighting Angels, to making friends, to having something like a parent for once, and now to having Mari in his life again. And, he thought he had changed too. He wasn't as sad and quiet anymore, he knew he still had a long way to go but despite everything life was good for now.

Mari smirked up at him saying "is this you trying to flirt?" Shinji blinked saying "I guess... I'm glad we're together again."

He felt himself blush, he wasn't good at this like her. He was about to apologize but Mari ran a hand through his hair saying "awe, you're so sweet."

She found his awkwardness and honesty 'cute'. He really was nothing like the other boys she'd dated, he never said silly things like that just to get what all boys wanted, with Shinji he actually meant what he said no matter how corny or awkward.

"We did promise, remember?" Shinji said holding up his hand.

"I do, pinky swear and all" Mari said reaching for his hand and taking it in hers. A memory flashed before Shinji's mind, him and Mari sitting atop the bed in his private room. Pinky swearing that they'd both get out one day. And somehow they not only had, but they'd managed to find each other again too.

"Going out on adventures, somehow I don't think this what we thought of when we were kids." Shinji said softly.

"Kicking ass in a giant robot, I'm okay with that" Mari said smirking.

Shinji smiled. She was always more bold than him, but he thought he was the only one who ever saw the other side of Mari. These quieter moments. He squeezed her hand a little tighter feeling a bit bold like her.

Together they stayed there looking up at the night sky, chatting and just enjoying the others company. Watching the night lights before they started to go out, leaving the stars above. Making out late into the evening and into the early morning, leaving Shinji's heart pounding as he experienced this... this thing called 'life' that he'd never known before. They fell asleep there, on her apartment balcony and wrapped in blankets together.

---

Morning after

Shinji woke slowly, prying open his eyes and sitting up. He'd stayed the night at Mari's place and Misato probably wouldn't be happy about that. It took a few moments to process that as he untangled himself from the blankets he and Mari had been lying on.

He rubbed his eyes seeing it was morning and the sun was up. Shinji turned to wake Mari up, telling her good morning... but Mari was gone.

The blankets were gone.

The apartment was gone.

… it was like something out of a horror film, one moment he'd been getting out of bed about to wake his girlfriend when they suddenly disappeared. The darkness seeming to envelope everything around him. He wasn't moving, everything else was. Everything disappearing before he could even shout in surprise.

The entire city was gone and he was in the dark void again.

"What? No... no! Not again!" Shinji said panicking as he felt something in his head stirring. He closed his eyes tight, holding his forehead as his madness returned.

He started breathing heavily and he opened his eyes again to see that nothing had changed. Shinji stared wide eyed at the dark void all around him.

"Shinji... " a voice called, a feminine voice.

He stopped breathing as he felt someone sitting behind him. Hands wrapped themselves around him, hugging him from behind as the figure nestled up against his back.

The Woman in the Dark.

She trailed her hands down his bare chest gently. Her bare breast pressed softly against his back as she leaned her head onto his shoulder.

"Oh sweet Shinji. I am doing this because I love you. I do" the Woman in the Dark said holding him so gently. The woman brought her lips to his neck and kissed him softly. No desire, no lust, no primal urge, but love. So pure and unconditional, so warm. She reminded him of his mother... but that couldn't be right... it couldn't be.

"What? I... no this is wrong." Shinji said in a barely a whisper, too scared to even breathe. One moment he'd been with Mari in her apartment, and now this.

He reached his hands down, trying to pry the Woman in the Dark off of him. But her words startled him and he stopped.

"Why do you want to die?" the Woman in the Dark said suddenly. Holding him tightly, breathing softly against him and basking in him.

I... I don't want to die. That's crazy. Who would want to die-

"I don't want this. I didn't ask for any of this. I... failed. I'm tired... so very tired."

Shinji felt his lips moving, his mouth forming the words, but he didn't say them someone else did.

Suddenly he was gone again, the Woman in the Dark disappearing as quickly as she had emerged...

There was an older man sitting on a broken down country side, the ruins of a highway visible in the distance. The man had a beard and long dark unwashed hair. Dressed in rags and sitting before a small camp fire. He was alone... so very alone.

The man... no Shinji was the older man in this dream.

"Was never fair. I was a kid. I was just a goddamned kid... to leave that up to me... me? How could they have been so cruel? Why me? Why not someone stronger? Why not Asuka? Why not Misato?" the older man said into the empty night. His voice tired and on edge, tittering towards a breakdown.

Asuka? Misato? That impossible-

The older man rose staring into the night sky with hollowed empty eyes, not yet broken but hanging on by a thread. His lips shook as he looked at the stars above with such sorrow.

"Why did you leave me? Why would you do this to me? Why! You had a choice! Did you ever really love me at all! Did you ever even care?!" the older man shouted through his sobs. Shouting into the night, the camp fire casting his shadow behind him.

And Shinji saw it, saw the moon. The moon with a streak of red crossing it and the night sky around it. Almost like a scar on the moon itself, so large that it was visible in the night sky from down here. What on earth could do that?

The older man was given no answer. No reply even as he had shouted into the night sky. Of course, why would she answer him now? She'd never answered him since that day.

The older man stood staring into the night sky, looking at the stars above, waiting and waiting. But silence was his only answer. He stood there alone in the dark and the cold air, in the dirt and the ruin. He was tired, so very tired.

"There is no hope here... nothing... nothing but this" the older man said sinking to his knees in the dirt. Clutching his hand and tracing the mark on his ring finger, the ring he had had was gone. Long gone by now. Yet he still felt for it, longing for it...

…

"Why do you want to die?"

Shinji heard the Woman in the Dark whisper to him.

"I don't know if I was ever really happy at all" the older man whispered into the dark.

He paused, lost in his own thoughts. His eyes wide and lost in the memories of better days, saying "but if I was... it was with them... with her."

…

Then the vision changed and the man was younger than Shinji had seen him before. No beard, but stubble and with short cropped hair.

The man was lying down on the grass, watching stars in the night sky like Shinji had been doing with Mari before the madness had returned. Someone was lying beside him smiling, she was shorter than he was. Much shorter.

"Hey, look there. That cluster of stars, the before people used to call that Orion. I learned about it when I was a kid. Back when we had these things called schools, it was one of the only things I liked to learn about. The stars." the man was saying softly. He was smiling in spite of it all. Managing to keep going even in all this mess.

The little girl beside him laughed saying "a hundred years ago?"

She had his hair... she... she... she had his brown hair but her eyes were red. Her skin was pale white. A child that reminded him of...

"Hey, I'm not that old." the man protested, but his eyes gave him away. He wasn't mad, not really, he was getting older and she liked to remind him of that. A little game between the two of them that brought a twinkle back into his eyes.

"You're not a fossil" the little girl laughed at him.

"Not yet anyway. Better not tell Aunty that joke. She's not as nice as me" the man was laughing as the girl beside him laughed too.

The girl reached a hand across and he took it in his own, she couldn't have been more than seven years old. The man sat up pulling the girl with him as he got up.

"Come on, let's get back inside" the man said walking with the girl following after him, her hand in his. He ran his free hand through her long brown hair, ruffling it even as she giggled playfully trying to shrug him off but never able to. That giggle... it made Shinji's chest feel a thousand times heavier. It made him feel old... made him feel... pain.

Shinji felt his heart ache at the girl's presence. He, our Shinji, sank to his knees from this pain inside his heart. This sorrow that he could not explain. This... love. The love only a parent could know.

She... that girl... she's... she's my... my... Shinji thought struggling to even think.

My daughter the thing in his head stirred. Its voice hoarse, sorrowful, and filled with pain.

…

Then he was gone again, Shinji disappearing and reappearing somewhere else.

---

The Other Place

Shinji stood eyes wide in the dark void of his madness. He was on that same stretch of land with the ruins of a city in the distance. Why did he keep getting drawn here?

He was crouched on his knees, having fallen over from the pain in his heart, that sorrow that he'd felt deep down in his bones. Panting as he got over the strange visions from before.

"Breathe, Shinji." The voice from inside his head said.

Shinji flinched in shock, panting as he knelt on his knees from the trauma.

"Just breathe Shinji. Take a moment to breathe. I didn't want this, but you would never listen to me. I had to drag you in so we could talk. It's dangerous for you to see those things. You're stronger, but you're still not ready. This place is safer, you can handle it better than the others" the voice said.

No, the voice was the same but it wasn't coming from inside his head anymore.

Shinji flinched, he was not alone here. There was an older man standing here in this other place with him, standing far back as if giving Shinji his space.

"I know things have been hard for you. They were hard for me too. No one ever said life was easy" the Other Man said softly.

Shinji trembled as he slowed and turned to look, his breath catching in his throat as he was too scared to even breathe.

"Don't look at me. Shinji, you're not ready." the Other Man said. His voice was empty and cold, the absence of warmth, and so very tired.

Shinji flinched and stopped in his tracks, stopped to look at the floor and found it to be the ruins of concrete. Pavement maybe? This place had been inside a city, or else nearby, and he didn't understand how that was possible.

The Other Man was sitting far back from Shinji, sitting atop the edge of the 'pavement' where the ocean met the land under this dark sky. The Other Man gazing at something far away and not even looking at our Shinji as he spoke. Perched on the edge of this strange place with his feet in the dark water.

"Deep down, your instincts tell you not to look at me. Smart. Once you see me, truly see me, then you will know the truth. And then, there will be no going back. You may never forgive me for what I've done. I accept that, I would understand your rage. But it's still too soon... I've made mistakes along the way and 'they' know more than they should. " the Other Man said.

"I... I don't understand. How is this happening? What is this? Am I-" Shinji stammered too shocked to think clearly.

"You're not dreaming Shinji. This place is a fragment of a time gone by. A memory."

Shinji blinked in surprise.

A memory? But I've never been here before- Shinji thought.

"I never said it was your memory." the Other Man interrupted.

Shinji flinched back as it struck. This could not be happening. Whatever this was, it wasn't right. This was not a good sign.

The Other Man sighed softly, feeling like such an old man, and running a weathered and beaten hand across his face. His mannerisms had started coming back... how strange but not unpleasant.

"This always happens. I try to help, to do the right thing. But often I make things worse. Look at you, you're terrified Shinji. I've been alone too long, isolated, and detached. I had forgotten what it was like to 'feel'. Forgotten how to talk to people. Maybe if I was better we would not be so divided" the Other Man said darkly.

Shinji trembled and instinctively reached a hand into his pocket for his medicine, for his pills. But of course, there were none. This was in his head. How had this happened? Shinji had taken his medicine. He had. Why did this 'thing' inside his head, this madness, hate him? Why did it want to stop him being with Mari?

"I don't hate you Shinji. If I really really wanted to stop you, I could. It would not be difficult. But I want you to understand." the Other Man said. He rose from his perch stepping out of the darkened water, and as he did so Shinji stepped back.

"In a better world, everyone would have the right to happiness. But that's not the world we live in. Not the one you live in. You are not like the others, Shinji. You are different and your life has been hard. You asked me what's wrong with being happy? The answer is that it will make you complacent, it can make a man do things they normally wouldn't. Don't you see, the pursuit of happiness can make you selfish. Can you make do things you shouldn't, even when you know it's wrong. That's the thing... no one thinks they're the villain, no one thinks they're a bad guy. Everyone tells themselves that they're the hero of their story, but... life doesn't work out like that." the Other man said deep in thought.

Shinji watched as the Other Man changed, his hands balling into fist and his voice adopting a bitter tone of pure hatred.

"Gendo does everything he does for the sake of being happy, deluding himself into thinking he deserves a better life. As if, what makes that man think he's so special? He doesn't see himself as a bad person, as a failure of a parent, as a pathetic old man putting his own 'happiness' over everyone and everything else, even his own son.

That is his greatest sin, putting himself above all others. He's a walking failure who deserves what he gets. His time will come, you'll see." the Other man said breathing hard before calming himself. The man's weathered hands relaxing and curling back from the balled fists they had been moments ago.

Whatever Shinji's feelings towards his father, this man before him hated Gendo. Hated Gendo more than anyone he'd ever known. The Other Man sighed heavily, still keeping himself at a distance from Shinji as he spoke.

"The two of us have a job to do, a mission, and Mari... she can ruin things. You hate me for saying that, but it's true. Shinji, happiness can be selfish, you don't realize what you're risking. I've tried to be patient with you, I know it's hard, but we have that job to do. No one else can do it. I told you, unhappiness is more common than happiness. Poor boy, you have inherited a legacy of pain, and because of it you may never have a normal life." the Other Man said sounding almost sad.

Shinji stood there panting softly at the Other Man's words.

When the Other Man did not continue his musings, Shinji shook his head and closed his eyes tight, trying to ground himself out and leave this madness behind. He did that once before, when he'd been separated from the other pilots and Mari had found him in the rain. He'd managed to push the madness away that day, he could it again. He could do it again.

"This isn't like the last time. This is not a crack in your mind, not a conflict of our memories. No, this is me trying to talk to you. You can't push me away Shinji. Just as you've gotten stronger, so have I." the Other Man said softly.

There was no menace in his voice, as if the Other Man was simply stating a fact. Yet Shinji found it unsettling regardless. The Other Man had barely looked at him the entire time Shinji had been here... but this was bad. He needed to leave.

No... I can make it go away. I can make it go away! Shinji thought closing his eyes tight.

"Boy, closing your eyes won't make a difference. This is your mind. You can't stop 'thinking' anymore than you could stop your heart beating." the Other Man said tilting his head at the struggling Shinji.

Mari... I want to go back to Mari. This isn't real Shinji thought grunting in pain as he fought to leave this place. He needed his medicine.

"Sigh. We cannot be this divided. Shinji, please. Listen. I promise I will let you go when I'm finished." the Other Man said.

Shinji opened his eyes but it was no use, opened or closed, he was still stuck here. He felt himself shuddering from the fruitlessness of all this.

What are you? He wanted to ask.

The Other Man tilted his head and spared Shinji a small glace, the older man never allowing Shinji to see his face completely. But Shinji saw it... one of the Other Man's eyes was red. Mixed eyes under a mop of greying hair, one red and the other brown.

"You know what I am. You're not insane. You never were. I don't want to fight you Shinji. I don't want this divide between us, but you are so stubborn. You've fought my guidance almost every step of the way... I've tried to be patient with you but I'm not perfect. Seeing all of this again can be hard for me. It brings back old scars. You make me 'feel' again and that's not always a good thing" the Other Man said.

"You... you're the thing inside my head. I'm not suppose to talk to you. Whatever you are, its wrong. Please, just let me go. If you really really don't hate me... then let me go." Shinji pleaded. He was breathing hard, forcing himself to 'talk' to it as best he could. It was terrifying, but he had to be brave. After all, the only time you can be brave is when you are afraid.

The Other Man grunted at that, still keeping his distance from Shinji, hiding his face, as he said "be brave. Those are the words that I gave you. It's a lesson I took too long to learn, but you're doing much better than I ever did."

"Those words... back at Mount Asama. You helped me... why?" Shinji asked slowly, the tremor in his hand returning after almost a month and a half of being free of it.

"Because I'm not your enemy. The Angels are a problem. They hate you because of me, I scare them. But they're not our greatest threat. No, our enemy is called SEELE."

"SEELE?" Shinji parroted in confusion, afraid to even look at the Other Man in the distance.

"You don't know them yet, but you will. A group of old fools trying to bring about what they don't understand. So sure of themselves, so... afraid of death. They want more, but who says they deserve more? What makes them so special? What makes Gendo so special? Selfish monsters they are." the Other Man said darkly. The tint of hatred in his words.

"I took my medicine..." Shinji said thinking aloud.

"That medicine isn't what you think it is. It weakens you. It weakens you in every way. I've protected you over the years, but it hasn't been easy with you fighting me the whole time." the Other Man said.

"Please... whatever you are... just let me go. I'm not going crazy again... I'm not... I can't be." Shinji pleaded and panting like he'd just run a mile.

"You're not listening. You are not crazy, you never have been. I exist. I am not a figment of your imagination. Shinji... time is running out. Soon, you will know the truth. But for today, listen." the Other Man said.

Shinji nodded slowly, the Other Man refusing to continue until the boy had acknowledged him in some form.

"Remember my words. I am not your enemy. Our enemy is SEELE. Soon, you will learn the truth. Sigh. Two Angels are coming for you. Once they arrive, we'll met again." The Other Man said looking at Shinji with almost pity.

"I don't understand" Shinji said in a small quiet voice.

"A promise is a promise. Goodbye Shinji. Open your eyes" the Other Man said and with a jolt Shinji was pulled away. Leaving the void behind... and leaving the Other Man all alone in the dark once again.

…

Shinji woke with a start.

Almost jumping out of the blankets as Mari stirred from the sudden movement. Shinji panted, a layer of fresh sweat on his forehead, as he sat up. He was back. He was back in Mari's apartment, back on the balcony with his girlfriend.

"Whoa there... next time just set an alarm clock" Mari yawned. The older girl stretching as she made to sit up, then took in the shocked sight of her boyfriend.

Shinji held up his hands looking at them as if to make sure they were real. Slowly, he placed his hand on the blanket feeling the material. Making sure it was really there.

Mari put a hand to his forehead, checking for a fever but finding none. Shinji blinked in surprise at her touch.

"Shinji... what's wrong?" Mari asked glancing up at him with a concern looked on her face. What a way to wake up.

"I'm fine. Just... sometimes I have bad dreams." Shinji said feeling his hand tremor come back. He flexed his hand seeing it before breathing, letting himself calm down.

Mari took his shaking hand in her sighing softly. "Nightmare?" Mari asked as she intertwined his fingers in hers.

"Yeah, they come and they go." Shinji admitted with a shaky voice, breathing slowly and catching his breathe.

Mari gave him a hug, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he slowly did the same to her. She of all people would never judge him.

Once he had calmed down, they ended having breakfast in her apartment as he tried to forget the dream or whatever it was.

Still, those words had lingered. The things he kept seeing in his dreams. That... that little girl and her father... the old man... and the thing in his head. Then there were those words. Those words:

I am not your enemy. Our enemy is SEELE. Soon, you will learn the truth.

And

Two Angels are coming for you. Once they arrive, we'll met again.

Shinji would try to ignore that, try to forget what he saw, he never wanted to remember. Thing was, the older he got the harder it was to ignore what was in his head. He doubted it would be that easy this time. Time was running out.

---

LONG CHAPTER, I know. I wanted it to be a very character based chapter.
Problem is, there are a lot of characters, and side ish characters like Misato, Kaji, and Ritsuko are still important. They don't get as many scenes as the main trio but there's still things going on for them.

I wanted to show more of our Shinji's growth and change due to Mari, as well as Mari being 'softer' with Shinji as it's a side she doesn't really show anyone else. As well as moving the timeline a bit forward, I had to skip some things to make it all fit. I wanted to play around with the idea that for once Shinji was being 'happy' whilst Rei and Asuka were having trouble. And Asuka actually being jealous of Shinji at times, as well as other emotions she still working through.

That scene with the Rei hug was actually a long time coming, I've been meaning to put that into the story for a while not but could never make it fit. If the pacing feels off, that is probably why. Rei knew about Shinji's past for almost the whole story.

And we finally had a direct scene between our two Shinji(s). There's still more to come, their relationship is complex to say the least. I had a lot of fun writing that as well as the newest glimpses into Other's past.

Did you expect Other to be a parent?

Thank you so much reading and please Review!

Cheers!