Hey guys, hope you're enjoying the holidays,
Note: This chapter briefly shows our current timeline before jumping away to the 'Other'.
This is the First in a small series of chapters detailing the life of a different main character.
I'm very excited and nervous to write these chapters. I hope you don't hate it.
Very character based chapters that do not follow the Younger Shinji that you have been reading about for 20 chapters. Please remember, this is not the same kid.
Here's chapter 21: 'The First Ones'
This part of the story is very human. Filled with highs and lows, sorrow and glimmers of joy.
Please keep an opened mind.
"How long can one person hate another? I'd say it would depend on the people involved, and their relationship. But hatred is a fire that needs kindling. Given time, the fire can go out. It can start small, something as simple as a genuine apology. Something as simple as a helping hand. These tiny acts of kindness are the first steps to reconciliation.
I think somewhere along the line... Asuka might have forgiven me. In the end, she did not hate me. That was probably more than I deserved "
- the broken man
The Current Timeline
Japan, Tokyo-03
Misato drove through the repaired streets open to the public on her way to Nerv.
Tokyo-03 seeming to morph as she drove through the various lanes. One moment an average city, albeit with many shops and stores temporary closed after the attack, and the next moment changing into the remnants of a war-zone in a violent country.
Entire blocks closed off, buildings with all their windows shattered, glass debris littering the empty streets, and craters left in the middle of the closed off sectors. Collapsed towers visible in the distance. Office buildings with massive burns through the concrete, the lucky ones still standing. Other buildings had entire sections of floors missing with only ashes and the barest of support pillars remaining, unsafe for anyone to work in.
The damage Angel threat #2(Zuerel) had done to the city. The city block where Eva Units 00, 01, and 03 had all fought Zuerel and lost, completely closed off. The damaged area considered almost unrepairable.
Everything's changing now Misato thought darkly. Seeing the nervous faces of the drivers beside her, that small spark of uncertainty at the sight of the wrecked sections of the city. Reconstruction teams going all out, but the process would take months, if not years, to get the city back to what it was.
Her way to Nerv was unusual to say the least.
Upon reaching the breached remains of the hangar, Misato found the Nerv staff having to work around the repair teams even as nonessential personnel were given time off. The hangar losing much of its impressive demeanor with the massive hole in the wall.
Misato didn't think she'd ever forget the terror at the sight of Zeruel standing inside the hangar, looming over the tiny humans in their own base.
Walking passed a group of arguing construction workers, Misato found Ritsuko and a mix of scientist and engineers going over a variety of readouts.
Dr. Akagi working with no less than three computers, the main terminal, and an array of laptops set aside by her and her team.
"Any luck?" Misato asked hesitantly.
There was still tension between Misato and Ritsuko, left over from the willingness on Nerv's part to sacrifice Shinji to get 01 back. Fortunately, things had been taken out of their hands when Unit 01 had 'awoken' and killed the two Angels on its own.
Ritsuko looked up at her with tired, sleep deprived eyes, and instead of answering she gestured above them to the launch pad and the infamous subject within. The team trying to access the computer systems inside Shinji's entry plug, as well as the internal controls hidden within the 01's plate-armor.
"The eyes blink. I observed it once, only for a moment. The subject blinked" a slow quiet voice called, a voice that nonetheless carried over to the adults.
"Rei? How long have you been here? You should go home" Misato said feeling a swell of pity for the girl, as she took in the sight of the First Child sitting below. The pale girl staying out of the adult's way.
"I am fine. Captain Katsuragi, watch the eyes." Rei said simply. Still, something was up with the girl. Her voice a little too controlled, too processed and her expression too withdrawn. Not allowing herself to feel.
"She won't leave. Let her stay, she doesn't bother anyone" Ritsuko muttered as she worked.
At least we stopped Mari from camping out here. Damn girl near leaped out of the hospital bed when she found out Misato thought.
Nerv's Eva teams were scattered for the moment. Mari still recovering, and Asuka off spending time alone or else at Hikari's place now that school was temporarily canceled. Rei spending far too much time watching the recovery process.
"Entry plug is completely empty. Save for Shinji's plug suit and a small sea of LCL. That's all we can get from the internal computers. The Eva doesn't respond to our commands" Ritsuko said, all the while never turning her gaze from her computer screens.
It doesn't need a power supply anymore. Whatever Unit 01 did... it can run completely independent of a power cable now Misato thought. Shifting uncertainly at her uselessness here.
Regardless, Misato was putting off what everyone in the room was keenly aware of. The looming presence that captured the room in a thick tension upon entry. The 'subject', for lack of a better word, under constant surveillance.
Nerv had to almost threaten the military not to simply destroy 'it'. The JSSDF wanted to drop an N2 mine on the creature's exposed head, and see if that worked. Constant arguing between organizations kept the subject safe for the moment. Kept Shinji Ikari and his Eva alive... for the time being.
Misato gulped inwardly, and looked up.
Evangelion Unit 01 stood chained and bolted into the launch pad above them. The strange alien flesh laid out for all to see, a humanoid face revealed underneath the massive plate armor. Almost 'Angel like' in its nature. The Eva appearing to be deep in slumber, arms shackled and under heavy observation.
01's eyes were closed. Yet the two women in charge remembered the intelligence they'd witnessed in those massive red eyes, the awareness in them. The words the Evangelion had spoken.
HELP. SHINJI. – words from Eva Unit 01 itself. The first recorded speech from an Evangelion Unit. Ever.
"Watch the eyes" Rei called again quietly.
Misato turned to her, before looking back at the Eva.
01's eyes were closed as the creature slept. It took a while but Misato thought she saw it, the eyes hidden underneath the flesh of the creature's eyelid... moving. As if 01 was seeing something that no one else could.
Then the moment was gone, the slight movement vanishing as quickly as it had appeared.
Scary... what does that even mean? And why has Nerv been covering this up for all this time? What in the world 'are' the Evangelion?! And Shinji, oh Shinji. What happened to you? Misato thought darkly.
…
Gendo watched the footage of hangar from the safety of his office. Gazing at the sleeping Evangelion. An obsession of his that been developing ever since Nerv had been breached.
Yui. You saved our son. You absorbed him into the Eva. Why? Why did you not speak to me? Why did you choose Dr. Akagi and Captain Katsuragi? Gendo thought.
He stared at 01's face. Begging for answers but knowing he'd find none. Not until Dr. Akagi could crack the mystery and somehow free Shinji before the boy was too far gone.
"What do you see Shinji?" Gendo whispered aloud. His eyes glancing over the empty entry plug locked within the Evangelion.
...
The Other Timeline
Memories of the Other Shinji
During the events of the End of Evangelion
"I'll kill you... I'll kill you... I'll kill-"
Eva Unit 02 lay in a pile of its own blood and filth, body ripped apart and impaled upon on the grounds of the Geofront.
"I'll... kill... you..." Asuka whispered, her eyes wild and frantic as she lay in the damaged entry plug of Unit 02. Covered in her own blood, Eva out of power with multiple spears impaled throughout its body. Internal organs of the Eva ripped out with the phantom sensations making sure Asuka felt every second of it on top of her own injuries.
The Mass Production Eva leaving her behind as they went about their mission. The twisted Evangelions, ghost white, flocking together as a menacing herd of destruction.
"I'll kill you... " Asuka whispered, before she died there.
Died all alone in the wreckage of her Eva.
…
Shinji Ikari screamed.
Screamed with all the air in his lungs. Asuka had just died. Misato was dead. The JSSDF had attacked Nerv. The monstrous 'white' Evangelions had come for him. Everything was falling apart.
Those monstrous things had grabbed him, Unit 01 was not responding to the controls. Shinji was unable to act, unable to do anything. Sobbing at the futility of it all.
"Mom... mom help me" Shinji sobbed. All this time, and he never realized that his mother had been inside the Eva. Yui Ikari having been inside 01 for all his time as a pilot. The one whom had saved him during his first piloting run.
"Please mom... why won't you help me?!" Shinji cried. The Eva acting of its own accord, allowing the Mass Production Evas to take 01 to the sky.
…
Lilith emerged above the clouds. Pale white and wearing the face of Rei, eyes deep red, voice cooing out in a mixture of pleasure and curiosity at the events transpiring. Angelic in her appearance, inhumanly beautiful and looming over the wreckage of the Geofront.
So large that even Unit 01 was but a bug in the palm of her hand, Lilith smiled down at Shinji. The Second Angel looking directly at him as the Mass Production Evas crucified Shinji and his Eva, beginning to form the inverted Tree of Life. The process of Third Impact proceeding with no delays despite all their efforts.
Shinji screamed. Losing whatever sanity he'd been holding onto, the Angel with the face of Rei smiling down at him. Massive and completely aware of his terror and confusion.
All of them, Lilith, the MP Evas, Shinji, and Unit 01 drifting higher and higher into the atmosphere before entering low orbit over the planet itself.
The inverted Tree of Life overlooking the Earth alongside Lilith.
Instrumentality began.
...
"Third Impact. Instrumentality. It had different names for different people. It... it is hard to describe. Like a dream that feels more real than reality, a place where you are forced to face yourself and those around you. All the souls freed from their bodies and bound together by Lilith, or the Rei hybrid, or whatever you would call her.
My mother taking the chance to assume full control of the Eva.
And me... SEELE's chosen. Their last act to make me their ultimate pawn. Me, the vessel of the Third Impact. The last act of a cruel, unjust world.
I saw things in the throes of Instrumentality. Saw the inner hearts of those I had loved. I saw whom those people really were. Misato's past... her pains... her weaknesses.
Asuka's pain. Her disgust at me. Her loneliness.
My father and his selfish dreams.
SEELE and their madness.
My own heart, I saw my own self hatred. My desire for people to be nice to me. My fear of being alone. My fear of failure.
I saw it all. I saw the human race for what it was, the individual and the whole. The sorrow, the emptiness inside us all. The hope that remained in those that would listen. The words 'I love you'.
Lilith showed me all of it, the best and worst of humanity.
The part of Rei that was still there, whatever remained of the girl whom was my friend, saw my pain. She saw my fear and my despair. Rei saved me, even then. Her feelings for me were what made Lilith stop. The Second Angel peering into my mind.
Lilith gave me a choice. To accept the joining of all souls, or not to. To go back, and return to what remained of our world.
It was difficult, the pressure, the weight of that choice in my frantic mind. I was just a kid, and I bore the weight of the world. I rejected Instrumentality because I believed that it was better to live with others, even if it meant being alone or being hurt. It took me a long time to understand that belief.
The reality was... neither choice was really an option. Both were just as damning. Both answers an evil of equal magnitude. The madness of SEELE, their obsession with ascending into a higher being. Of becoming immortal. Their fear of death.
I made my choice, and Lilith undid what they had planned. No... not Lilith, she didn't care about me then. It was Rei. Rei was the one who stopped it, the one who gave me the choice.
Instrumentality faded. Yet the damaged had already been done. A global calamity. All that Lilith did before falling apart from the effort, using everything she had to respect my choice. Dying, even as I was brought back.
But I wasn't alone at first.
Mother was there as Instrumentality faded. Even she hadn't predicated this outcome. I- I find it hard to relive that moment.
I never forgot what my mother told me that day. Ironic, in the days that followed I would see her words tested. Can you really have a chance at happiness so long as you are alive? I used to think so. Back when I was young" - the broken man
The last moments of Instrumentality
Shinji and his mother
"Do not worry, darling. All living creatures have the power to come back. So long as the sun, the moon, the earth exist everything will be alright. " the soul of Yui Ikari said.
Yui appearing as a specter that hovered over her son, hovered over him whilst he drifted further and further below.
Shinji floating amid a sea of LCL, the dying echoes of Instrumentality allowing him a single moment with his mother.
"Mom" Shinji whispered, reaching out to her. Longing for her touch again, the source of some of his brightest memories. Perhaps the few moments in his life where he thought he might have been happy.
Yui reached out to him, gently cupping his cheek. Her appearance unchanged after all these years.
"I still don't know if I can ever be happy. If I made the right choice in coming back" Shinji whispered, closing his eyes
"Sweet Shinji, everything will be alright. After all... you are alive. So you will always have the chance to be happy. Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live. The hope to go on." Yui's last words to her son.
"Goodbye... mother" Shinji whispered, tears in his eye as his mother began to fade.
Shinji watching as the dream ended, and Yui left him behind in the real world. His mother taking the lone Eva and drifting off into space, Spear of Longinus in hand. The boy closing his eyes, and waking to a broken world and an uncertain future.
...
The world
Several days later
The Aftermath of the Third Impact was not a saved world. Actions have consequence, Lilith and Adam released and the gathering of all souls ... before Shinji rejected Instrumentality.
Countless craters littered Tokyo-03, most of the outer city and factories reduced to rumble. Some of the inner city left standing but abandoned. The Geofront and by extension Nerv was gone. Completely wiped out, nothing but ashes remained from when Lilith had risen.
All over the world, pockets of scorched earth and collapsed highways, rubble, and clouds of LCL that had fallen into the oceans. The moon itself left with a ragged scar, a red dash across its surface. Blood from Lilith as she died.
The lost boy lay on the floor of the wreckage. The small stretch of land, the remains of Tokyo-03 visible in the distance, the tide coming in from the LCL contaminated sea.
Shinji Ikari lay eyes wide and lifeless, in shock and unsure of what was even real anymore. He'd been alone in this place for days. He thought he'd seen Rei hovering over the water, but then she'd vanished...
He was losing his mind.
Shinji rose on awkward unsteady feet. He refused to turn and look at the severed half of Lilith's petrified head nearby. Remnants of Lilith before the Angel had died.
Shinji refused to look at the corpses of the Mass Production Evas lingering in the distance, slowly breaking apart by the tide, but the ghost white forms lingered. Slowly decaying.
The boy looked up in the sky, seeing the stars visible in the night. The red stained moon, and the small shining star moving away from him.
Eva Unit 01... Shinji's mother leaving them behind.
"Ack"
The sound of strained breathing snapped Shinji out of his shock and despair. He turned and nearly fainted at the sight of the only other person on the planet.
He wasn't alone anymore.
Asuka was lying on the beach with him. Dressed in her plug suit, unmoving with her eyes wide, and unable to speak from the trauma of 'dying' before Third Impact.
Shinji knelt leaning over the girl's body, tears welling up in his eyes. He'd heard Asuka as she died, as she had screamed at him over the comm for not helping her fight. And she was back... or was she?
Is any of this real? Are you real Asuka? Or I am still alone. Have I lost my mind? The fragmented thoughts of the lost boy on the edge of his sanity.
"Please. Be real" Shinji whispered on the verge of sobs.
Asuka did not respond. Silent and breathing softly, eyes wide, her bones aching in pain. Revived, but not healed from all her wounds.
Shinji waited for her to respond but she never did. He couldn't take it anymore, Shinji wrapped his hands on her throat.
Be real! Please! I don't want to be alone! BE real! Shinji thought. On the verge of breaking down, he'd been all alone here in this broken world filled with the corpses of Lilith and the Mass Production Evas.
Shinji stopped, gasping as he felt a hand on his face. Asuka's hand. The girl weakly looking up at him, using all her strength to slap him across the face. Her effort barely managing a tap. Without meaning to, Asuka had proved her point. She was real. Shinji wasn't alone.
Shinji let her go in horror at what had he done. He had almost strangled Asuka. How far gone had he been in his breakdown? So far that he'd almost choked Asuka just to see if she was real.
He fall back sobbing. Asuka was real. She was real. He wasn't alone after all. He wasn't seeing things anymore. Days, Shinji had spent alone in this little stretch of land, where the red sea met the ashes of the former city. Alone. Until now... that simple fact brought him to tears.
Asuka watched the sobbing mess of a boy with disdain. Her muscles aching to their core, her last memories being of her death and Instrumentality.
"Disgusting" Asuka whispered. Her voice less than a whisper, weak and strained.
…
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry" Shinji panted again and again. Snapping out of it as he came back from the edge of his sanity.
The air smelled liked blood, the LCL that had fallen into the sea. Shinji only noticed it when he heard Asuka scowling softly.
He rose to a sitting position on the stretch of land amid the wreckage of the Third Impact. Asuka was looking back at him, breathing softly and glaring with cold judgmental eyes.
"I-..." Shinji began. He didn't know what to say. So much had happened, Asuka being in a coma and leaving him to pilot alone. Her Eva being used against him when Kaworu had come. His own failures during the JSSDF assault on Nerv... his failure to help her as she fought the Mass Production Evas to her death, the strange ghost white monsters proving unstoppable.
Shinji looked around him, realizing that he couldn't stay here anymore. Days he'd spent lying on this bit of land lost in his despair and wondering if he'd made the right choice. Every now and then leaving to scramble for food or clean water, before coming back because he didn't know where else to go.
"You're hurt" Shinji said slowly, looking over Asuka as the girl lay beside him in her plug suit. Eyes filled with concern as he panted, getting over himself now that he knew he wasn't alone in this broken world.
What do you think, idiot?! Asuka's eyes seemed to say. Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly, in indifference, to the boy and his recovery from madness. She may have been brought back, but her wounds had not been fully healed. Like some sort of cruel joke.
Shinji got to his feet and ignored the disgusted look on Asuka's face as he reached down and scooped up her limp form. Straining from the effort, Shinji hauled Asuka into his arms and began to carry her. Asuka mortified at having to be carried by him of all people.
"I died..." Asuka whispered in her small weak voice.
Shinji shook his head as he carried her. We came back... Rei... it was Rei. She saved us all. He thought.
Asuka's eyes widened as she took in the sight of the ghost white figures in the distance, decaying in the sea but still lingering, the monsters that had killed her. The Mass Production Evas.
"They're dead. They died during the Impact" Shinji said, in between his panting as he carried the girl in his arms.
Asuka nodded weakly as Shinji walked. They passed the grave marker Shinji had set up, Misato's pendant nailed to the marker. Asuka eyeing the marker as they passed.
So Misato died too... damn. Asuka thought darkly.
Then she blinked, eyes wide at the destruction that surrounded them. Asuka gulping in shock as she took in the wreckage before them. It seemed to go on forever and forever, like the entire world was a war zone. The Geofront gone, Nerv gone, entire streets broken and in pieces, abandoned cars and trucks left out in the cold.
She'd only just been revived. How long had Shinji been here in this nightmare by himself?
The ruins of Tokyo-03
Shinji climbed the stairs of the apartment complex breathing heavy hard breathes. He had never been in great shape, and now his muscles were reaping their revenge.
Passing the ruins of the city was scary, seeing that the Geofront and the surrounding area had been reduced to ashes. Another scar left from the Third Impact.
Most of the inner city was left standing. Empty but still standing. Clothes littered the streets, the people having been taken by the throes of Instrumentality before Shinji had rejected it. It was a stunningly cold sight that reminded the two teenagers of how completely alone they were.
The door to Misato's apartment was unlocked.
Shinji slipped inside, almost falling to his knees, Asuka stirring in his arms in protest. Wimp her eyes seemed to say.
Why does she hate me? What did I do? I'm trying to help Shinji thought awkwardly, kneeling on the floor of the apartment to catch his breath.
He rose again, Asuka weakly clinging to him as she almost fell, and he made it to her room. He brought Asuka to her bed, letting her fall gently from his arms and helping her get comfortable.
"Idiot" Asuka breathed.
Shinji sighed heavily and slumped against one of her walls to catch his breath. Climbing all those stairs while carrying her had taken a toll on him.
I'm not alone. I'm not alone. Shinji told himself again and again. Rocking himself in comfort, getting a hold of himself. He just wished Asuka was strong enough to talk more, but then again... maybe not. She seemed to be mad at him, and he didn't know why.
She kept staring at him, and when Shinji finally looked up to meet her gaze as she lay on the bed, she was scowling at him.
"Uh, I'll get you some water." Shinji said hurriedly getting up and leaving her room. He made sure to keep the door open so he could check up on her, he didn't think there was any power left in the city, let alone the apartment.
Luckily, the faucet was still running.
When Shinji returned with the water, Asuka drank the entire cup in one swing. Breathing softly once she was done, him keeping an eye on her unsteady hands.
"Are you in pain? Asuka?" Shinji asked seeing the way she winced with every breath.
Am I in pain?! I feel like I was just stabbed to death by those other MP Evas! I feel like whatever brought me back didn't heal me! There's no blood but my muscles feel like they were cut open! My arms feel like they weigh a ton each! And all I have for company is you! Asuka thought.
She managed only a grunt.
"Uh, there was a store near the apartment. I'll buy some- I'll get some pain meds" Shinji said getting to his feet and hurrying out of her room again.
Asuka was left laying on her bed. Moving her legs weakly, they felt stiff and sore, heavy, she wouldn't be walking on her own anytime soon.
…
Shinji helped Asuka take the pain meds, brought her whatever she needed. Food, more water, blankets, spending the whole day playing 'nurse' for her before letting her rest in her bed.
He wrapped the blankets over her as best he could, before stumbling back as Asuka had weakly shoved him across his face.
Asuka using what strength she had to push him away. Almost like she was slapping him.
So Shinji had let her sleep in her room. He left her door slightly open so he could keep an eye out for her, but he let her rest and wondered why she hated him so much.
He'd been in bad shape earlier, so many days spent alone in this nightmare. Alone with only his thoughts and despair for company. He'd thought when Asuka had appeared, when she turned out to be real and he wasn't losing his mind, he thought he'd be 'happy'. Happy that he wasn't alone.
But he wasn't.
Asuka didn't want his help. She pushed him away and kept what distance she could.
So Shinji stood on the apartment balcony, lost in his own thoughts again. Remembering the times he'd spent here with Misato and Asuka.
Misato... I let you die too. I'm so sorry Shinji thought hanging his head as he relived everything that had happened. Everyone was gone, it was only him and Asuka.
He spent the night there on the balcony. A young boy in an unsure world, with only a girl whom hated him for company.
Morning
Misato's apartment
"No"
Those were the first words Asuka said when he'd awkwardly offered to help.
"Asuka... you can't walk yet. I can-"
"NO!" Asuka shouted at him.
She was on the floor of the living room, half way to the restroom to take a shower. Shinji regretted telling her that the water was still running even if the power was out.
Shinji felt his face turn bright red, it wasn't like that. He only wanted to help her because she couldn't move yet. He didn't fully understand it, but Asuka seemed to have come back hurt. She wasn't dying, but when she pulled part of the tattered plug suit off he had noticed multiple bruises. Dark purple things that made him wince every time he saw them.
Asuka gritted her teeth, running on willpower alone, and managed to get into sitting position. She glared up at him as he stood nervous not knowing what to do. He hovered awkwardly in the hall.
"You stay out. Alright! This isn't a goddamned peep show for you" Asuka told him, her voice low and dangerous. Eyes narrowed coldly at him.
"Of course! Asuka... I was only trying to hel-" he stammered.
Asuka shook her head before getting to her feet slowly, leaning on the wall for support, and heading for the shower.
"You want to help?! Then grab some clothes for me. Leave them by the door" Asuka said, panting from the effort as she made it the restroom.
He did as he was told, only grabbing a shirt and pair of trousers for her and leaving them by the door. He heard the water running, but he stood still and silent at the sound of something heavy falling. Followed by a soft grunt of pain.
The sound repeated, Asuka falling whenever she stubbornly tried to stand on her own.
Shinji winced at the sound of her hurting herself again and again, before he rushed to the door and called her name.
"... no" Asuka told him through the door.
…
Minutes later, and Asuka finally called out to him. Shinji looked up, he'd been sitting against the wall outside, head hung low. Too worried about her to just leave.
"... I need your help." Asuka whispered through the door. On the other side of the door, she was staring at her feet with hollow empty eyes. Reduced to this in her current state, reduced to asking him for help to take a shower. It killed her inside to do this.
Shinji slowly opened the door, keeping his eyes glued to the floor.
"Keep your eyes closed!" Asuka barked at him. She was lying on the restroom floor, bruised legs hanging limply as she keep her eyes on him the entire time.
Shinji closed his eyes tight and held them closed through the entire process. Helping Asuka to stand and start the water again, she insisting and doing everything herself, only allowing him to act as her crutch and then later to wash her back. He kept his eyes closed, feeling Asuka's glare on him the whole time.
Later, the two of them sat at the breakfast table. Asuka in her change of clothes, Shinji still in the same outfit he'd been wearing for days. His eyes were sore from how long he'd kept them shut.
They'd opened the windows to let some sunlight in.
Shinji had made them a meal. It wasn't much, their options were limited with no power but he managed to put something together with the canned foods he'd found. At least there was water... for now.
When he'd offered to help her with her food, Asuka had thrown a piece of rice at him.
They ate in silence. Neither knowing what to say to other. Shinji hated it. He wasn't alone anymore, but he might as well have been.
"I know what you did" Asuka said to him finally.
Shinji looked up in surprise. Seeing Asuka's narrowed eyes staring at him from across the breakfast table.
"What?" he asked nervously.
Asuka seemed to struggle with the words, her expression a mixture of rage and disgust as she spoke. Almost hatred.
"You masturbated over me... over my comatose body. You fucking pervert!" Asuka shouted at him. Plates flying into the air as she slammed her fist into the table. Her voice razor sharp, the rage and disgust filling the room and leaving Shinji with no air to breathe.
THUD
Her plate came crashing to the kitchen floor. Shattering upon impact.
Shinji froze, his eyes going wide before falling as he hung his head low. Unsure of what to say. This moment something he'd been dreading in the back of his mind. A deep fear of his, the most shameful he'd ever felt in his life.
He opened his mouth, hiding from her glare and seeming to shrink into his chair. Sinking in shame from the crippled girl glaring at him from across the table.
"I'm... I'm sorry" he managed to mumble. His voice distant as if someone else was speaking, like he was on autopilot, unable to look at Asuka.
"You're sorry? You think I care?!" Asuka shouted back at him.
Asuka scowled, gritting her teeth and using all her strength to grab the fork on the table and fling it at Shinji.
SMACK
The boy flinched as the fork struck him the head. He didn't even try to dodge it, just let himself be hit by it. Eyes glued to his hands... the one that had... the one that had...
"I didn't mean to" he whispered sadly.
He really hadn't, he wished he could say it was stupid teenage hormones, or else just an act of momentary insanity, but the truth was he didn't really know. All he did know was that had hated himself after the act. He remembered feeling that he was the lowest human on earth in the moment, the shame and despair in himself.
Asuka didn't care. She only glared at him from across the table. The tension in the room so thick you could cut it with a knife.
Shinji didn't deny it, didn't offering up anything else. What could he say? That he was sorry? He already said it and he meant it. He knew it was a terrible thing to do, monstrous, 'disgusting'.
He ate the rest of his meal in silence, unable to look up. Asuka did the same. The only people on the entire planet.
One hating the other.
Two days later
"I stole it from a hospital that was left standing in the rubble. There was loads of food and medicine there... and bottled water. It says it's good for a long time. More than year even. The water I mean" Shinji said, more mumbled than anything else.
Asuka was sitting out in the parking lot of Misato's apartment block. Neither of them really knew why they had stayed there, maybe because it was the closest thing to a home they had, maybe because it had once felt safe there, but that had been a lifetime ago.
Shinji pushed the wheel chair across to her, carrying the crutches in his free hand as he did so. Asuka keeping her cold eyes on him the entire time.
They hadn't spoken much since that night in the kitchen. Shinji couldn't blame her, he could only blame himself. He propped the crutches up against an abandoned car for her.
"I'm heading back to get supplies. I um... be careful while I'm gone" Shinji mumbled meekly as he felt Asuka's glare on him.
Asuka nodded as she pulled herself up and planted herself on the wheel chair. This was what had been happening since she'd been revived, Shinji having to play nurse for her and her wounds.
She didn't thank him as he walked away, head hung low, wishing he could take back what he'd done in the hospital so long ago.
"I hate you" words soft as a whisper.
Shinji couldn't tell if Asuka had actually said it or not, it didn't matter if she had. He knew it was true.
He walked through the empty city, passed the abandoned cars and clothes littered throughout the streets, passed the ruins of damaged buildings and shattered windows. Stealing supplies from the empty hospital he'd found earlier, feeling more alone than ever.
He hated being alone, but maybe he deserved to be alone. Maybe he didn't deserve to be happy at all.
Eight days after Third Impact
A park somewhere in the city.
Past the dead trees surrounding them, the park was still a decent place. The damage from the Third Impact minimal here, almost like how it must have looked before all this mess started.
Shinji pushed the wheelchair bound Asuka through the paved paths in the park before coming to a stop. He moved to help Asuka but she shoved him aside. Slapping him across his face.
SLAP
The sound of her hand striking his face echoing through the morning air.
He stumbled back, rubbing his face where he'd been struck.
"Sorry-" Shinji stammered.
"Stop saying that" Asuka interrupted. Her bite cold but lacking the venom that had been there on that night in the kitchen so long ago.
It was eerie how accustom the both of them had gotten used to the ruins of Tokyo-03, the absence of people and the both of them avoiding the sight on the outskirts. The ever decaying corpses of the white MP Evas that had killed Asuka.
Asuka got on the crutches all on her own. She'd been getting stronger everyday, the use of her legs coming back with each session ever so slowly. But she still had a long way to go.
Shinji followed her along as she began walking the paved paths, getting exercise and re-training herself to walk.
She never complained about it, she just gritted her teeth and went to it. Refusing to roll over and die, or even to sit back and let Shinji take care of her. He admired that about her, Asuka's willpower to keep going no matter what.
Asuka was stronger than him. She always had been.
When she fell over, he ran to her side calling her name. Asuka landed face first onto the ground, dirt and dead leaves tangling in her hair.
"Stay away Shinji!" She cried out when he touched her by the shoulder. He'd only been trying to help her up.
Shinji stepped back as if struck again. She was panting up at him with wild eyes, disgusted at him.
"Please, Asuka... just... just let me help you" Shinji said avoiding her gaze. Her eyes never left him, always cold as ice. Accusing eyes. Judgmental and unforgiving.
Yet Shinji never abandoned her, never threw her to the wild in this broken world, he stayed by her side. Glares and all. He never denied what he'd done. Accepting whatever punishment that came from his perversion in that hospital room a lifetime ago.
"Idiot. Help me up" Asuka grumbled up at him.
Shinji hauled her up, letting Asuka lean against him as she wrapped one arm around him to steady herself. Together, they walked along the paved paths in the park. Him helping her to get the use of her legs back.
…
Later
Shinji and Asuka sat at a park table, small camp fire running as Shinji cooked them another meal of stolen canned food and what meat he could find that was still good.
They'd both been coming to this park for days, each time to help Asuka walk. Her glares softening over time, Asuka allowing him to help her a little bit more everyday.
"It's funny. My parents would have never let us do this. Cooking out in the open like this? All on our own?" Asuka said suddenly. Her voice soft and low. More thinking aloud than anything else.
Shinji looked back at her, blinking in surprise. That was more words than she'd spoken to him in days.
"Misato wouldn't have minded" Shinji said, allowing himself a small smile at the memory of the crazy woman whom had taken it upon herself to be their temporarily guardian.
Misato, not the best motherly figure, but a great 'cool' big sister, for them he supposed. Letting them eat junk food all the time and trying to be there for them in spite of everything.
"You're right, she would have joined us out here. I- did you bury her?" Asuka said suddenly.
Shinji stopped mid stir, the soup he'd been cooking over the camp fire bubbling softly, the air seeming to fill with an unexpected heaviness.
"Nothing left to bury. The military blew up the entire floor even before Third Impact" Shinji said softly. His voice detached and sorrowful, another ghost that he'd failed to save. Another death that he'd carry with him for the rest of his days.
You put up a grave marker for her... thank you for that Asuka thought. Watching the pitiful boy cooking in the empty park, not another soul besides them anywhere. The park so silent that every little crackle of the fire felt like a thunderous roar booming throughout the cold air.
Asuka shifted in her seat on the table, wrapping the blanket Shinji had draped over herself tighter. Shifting her aching legs to a more comfortable position.
"Why did you do it, Shinji?" Asuka asked suddenly.
Shinji stopped stirring their meal, a stiffness entering his shoulders as he stared at the soup as if memorized by it, avoiding the question. Running away from his problems like he always did.
Asuka tilted her head at him, looking at him with hollow almost empty eyes.
"Why did you bring us back?" Asuka asked again.
She raised her hands gesturing to the empty park, and beyond to the ghost town that was Tokyo-03, and even further beyond to what was the empty world. Not another soul for as far as the eye could see. No one else on the entire planet.
"There's nothing here!" Asuka shouted in agonized frustration.
Shinji slumped down crossing his arms and hanging his head low, wrapping his arms around himself as he thought about that.
For all their fights and trials as Eva pilots they were just kids, kids all alone in a foreign and empty world with no idea of what they were doing. They slept apart, barely able to talk to each other most of the time. Shinji having to care for Asuka and cook them meals, gather/steal supplies, all the while simply existing in this cold lonely place.
"I don't know. I just made a choice" Shinji said weakly, gazing into the camp fire. He ran a hand through his hair before continuing "I saw things during Instrumentality."
"I did too. I saw visions before I woke up on that beach with you" Asuka added sternly.
Shinji numbly shook his head, that made sense, that was how she knew about what he'd done to her in the hospital.
"Lilith or Rei... or whatever the hell she was. She showed me so much, too much. And then she gave me a choice, to let all the souls join together. Or to reject it. My mom was there, watching me as I chose." Shinji said, tearing up at the memory of his mother.
He turned to face Asuka at last. Not caring about the tears in his eyes, she already hated him and there was nothing he could do to change that.
"I rejected it because I thought it was better to try and live, even if it meant being hurt. Or being alone" Shinji said softly.
Asuka held his gaze, stone cold eyes staring unblinkingly at his watery frail ones. Iron staring at feather. So different and yet so similar. Breaking.
"Maybe I was wrong" Shinji said at last.
He turned back to his camp fire and their soup slowly cooking as he added another stir here and there.
No one came back but us. Not Misato. Not Rei. Not Kaji. Not even Ritsuko. No one Asuka thought darkly, knowing Shinji was thinking the same thing.
"Maybe you were" Asuka muttered darkly.
She glanced down at her stupid legs, over a week now and she could stand for a few minutes on her own but not much else. Bruises were fading but she needed crutches, or else to lean on Shinji, just to walk.
"I'm sorry" Shinji whispered again.
Sorry... that's all you ever say. Sorry. Sorry. That's all you ever say! It doesn't mean anything! All of this is your fault! Asuka thought. Finally snapping.
She slammed a fist on the table.
"So you're sorry! So what?! Huh?! What difference does it make!" Asuka shouted at him.
Shinji flinched as if struck. The distance between them, a few feet at best, might as well have been miles with Asuka's wounded legs. She couldn't have hit him if she tried, yet the stupid boy flinched as if struck, cowering at her words.
"You... you left me to die Shinji!" Asuka said. Her hands shaking.
Shinji was crying again.
"I know. I'm sorry" Shinji said sobbing silently. He remembered listening to her die over the comm, remembered Misato giving her life to get him to Eva Unit 01. Only for him to be too late anyway.
"Stop saying that!" Asuka shouted at him. Seething as she gripped the park table so tightly that wood splintered.
Silence. Only the soft crackles of the camp fire and their dancing shadows proof of their presence. Their yells echoed around the empty park.
"I fought with everything I had. I almost won! Those... those things killed me! They killed me and you just sat there crying! You were useless!" Asuka shouted at him. Shinji took the words in silence, his head hung low, face covered in his hands and wearing a sunken expression as he wrapped his arms around himself.
Tears were in her eyes.
"Then you brought us back to this..." Asuka said, sobbing silently. Tears sliding down her face. The empty world around them seeming infinitely more cold than it had been moments ago. Indifferent, uncaring, broken.
"I was alone. I was all alone, Asuka" Shinji said in a sad broken voice.
She looked up at him as he spoke, eyes narrowed, daring him to defend himself.
"Rei had 'died'. Our Rei was gone. She activated the self destruct on Unit 00 to save us, and you were gone. You just left, Asuka. You left me. You ran off... and you tried to kill yourself in that bathtub the Nerv security found you in" the boy said.
"I didn't run away! I-" Asuka said growing angry at the accusation.
"You did." Shinji interrupted softly.
…
The memories flashed by both of them. Arael, the Fifteenth Angel attacking Nerv. The luminescent bird like creature swooping down and attacking Asuka's mind. Probing into her darkest moments, then pulling on them.
Shinji watching helplessly as Asuka yelled in agony. Forced to relieve the worse moments in her life, scarred mentally, and left changed forever.
'Their' Rei launching the Spear of Longinus at Arael, killing it and saving Asuka.
Shinji watching the crying Asuka as she screamed in agony, sobbing that she hated Rei, hated Shinji, and hated everyone.
The days following where Asuka lost her sync ratio with Unit 02, lost the ability to pilot at all.
Memories of Asuka running away and being found days later in a coma. Rumors that she had tried to kill herself before being found.
Asuka laying in the hospital in a coma.
Misato ordering her comatose body placed in Unit 02. Asuka left safe in her Eva as the JSSDF launched their assault on Nerv, before she'd awoken in time to fight the enemy.
...
Shinji smiled sadly at her, understanding her pain and shame better than anyone. He of all people knew what it was like to hate yourself, to be lost, and to run from your problems.
He shook his head before continuing "You ran away. I know you did because I did the same thing. I ran away. More than once. I never wanted to be an Eva pilot. Never wanted any of this."
Shinji breathed out heavily, stifling a cold laughter at his own worthlessness. An old truth.
"I know what's it like when your life feels empty, without a purpose. Like you don't have meaning. Like all the world is out to get you. Wondering why people just can't be nice to you." the boy said distantly. Speaking to Asuka or himself? Who could say.
Asuka shook her head not wanting to admit it. No, she was nothing like him. She'd fled... she'd hid from the others after that Angel had probed her mind. But she hadn't ran away like him... she hadn't. She shook her head in denial.
"You were gone and I was so alone. Then Kaworu came, the last Angel disguised as a boy. He was my friend. He was good to me. So warm and kind... he said he loved me. And I think he meant it. He loved humans, wanting to be like us, wanting to be more than what he was. But then I had to kill him. And I was alone again." Shinji said speaking in a low broken whisper.
"You made friends with an Angel?! They're the enemy!" Asuka shouted. How she wanted to reach out and slap him across the head, but the distance between them might as well have been miles with her wounded legs.
Shinji shook his head again.
"Maybe, maybe not. Rei was part Angel too. Even before all this. She was part of Lilith the whole time" the boy said softly.
How do you know this? Asuka's bewildered and raged expression seemed to say.
Shinji shrugged despite his shame. Lilith showed me his eyes seemed to say.
"When Lilith came, she reabsorbed Rei into her. Rei was... I don't know... a clone? A vessel? The soul? She was part of Lilith... but Rei was my friend and yours too" Shinji said turning to face Asuka sadly.
Asuka stared at him wide eyed, the visions she'd seen after 'dying' and amid Instrumentality. Visions of Rei.
The boy turned away from her, not a dismissal, only deep in thought.
"I let you die. I'm sorry for that... really I am. I know that I'm worthless, Asuka. I never pretended to be anything else. But you left me behind too. That doesn't make it even or fair, not with what I did to you. I let everyone down when they needed me." Shinji said, his sad tear filled eyes never leaving the camp fire. He didn't sob, he only spoke with calm reality of what he was.
Asuka breathed out heavy heard breathes. No longer seething, the anger fading but not gone. Replaced by pity... and perhaps something else.
"Everyone's dead... and all this" Shinji said. He raised a hand gesturing to the empty world around them.
"All this is my fault." the boy said at last.
Neither spoke for several moments, only the bustling of the wind among the dead trees and the crackling of the fire proof that the world existed at all.
Finally, Shinji rose to his feet and poured some soup in a bowl for Asuka. Serving her a plate of the soup and a side of canned food that he'd managed to make for them.
"We should eat. It's getting dark and the apartment is a good walk away" Shinji said, serving himself a bowl of soup and a plate of canned food as well.
He let Asuka have the table, he ate on the park grounds. Neither of them speaking to the other, chewing their food out in the cold with only the camp fire for warmth. Asuka glumly eating from the confides of her wheelchair.
Shinji barely touching his food at all, numb to the world around him.
Of all the people to be left alone in the world, it just had to be them two.
Ten weeks after Third Impact
It took time, but eventually Asuka started walking on her own.
She told Shinji to stay back and let her fall if it happened, she needed to pull herself back up or else she'd never get over this.
"Maybe, to live means to suffer. Pain is a part of life, idiot. If you never learn to move past it, you will never accomplish anything" Asuka had told him when he'd protested.
Shinji had raised an eyebrow at that. That was surprisingly insightful of Asuka, she probably had a point. Shinji would have to remember that.
They didn't talk about the day in the park. Never bringing up the day where they'd aired their grievances out to each other, instead trying to be as politely distant as possible.
Shinji keeping a watchful eye on Asuka as she walked and walked without the use of crutches more and more.
They'd stolen a generator from one of the empty stores somewhere, gotten it working after several tries, and hauled it back to Misato's apartment. From there, they'd managed to get some power back so long as they kept refueling the generator, and it put them in a better mood.
Having cold drinks again or else lights at night.
Now, Asuka was walking down the abandoned street. Shinji had taken the time to clear the place of the clothes that had been littered about, the only remains of the people before Instrumentality, and it was mostly undamaged.
Shinji followed slowly, his eyes never leaving her wobbly legs. Yet he knew Asuka was smirking, it was so natural for her that he didn't think she realized she was doing it.
Asuka made it all the way across the street, smugly raising a fist into the air as she leaned against the wall for support upon crossing.
Shinji almost smiled at her. Asuka almost smiled back, but caught herself at the last minute. Their eyes met.
And then the moment was gone, Shinji turning away a second before Asuka did. Whatever it was, it passed. Neither could say what they were to each other anymore. Too much pain, to much shame on Shinji's part. Too much anger on Asuka's part.
For what it was worth, in that small second those issues had passed. Almost like the days before all this, but then reality came crashing back down again.
"That was good, Asuka. Do you want to cross back? Or should I get the wheelchair?" Shinji asked politely.
Asuka played it off coolly between her strained panting, saying "don't need the stupid chair. Just watch, I'll be running before long."
Shinji nodded politely, keeping an eye on the girl as she continued her 'self made physical therapy'. He chose to sit down on the street while he waited for her. Why not, it wasn't like there was any traffic anymore.
Nineteen weeks after Third Impact
"That's a lot of soda" Shinji said slowly.
Asuka turned to him with an annoyed expression. Carrying bags of groceries taken from the store, with a single bag devoted entirely to soda pop that was nearing its expiration date.
"Who cares, end of the world remember? Not like the adults are around to ground us. Not like we can't afford it" Asuka countered rolling her eyes at him.
133 days after the world had ended, and somehow the two of them were still living on. Surviving, if nothing else, on the abundance of materials left behind by the old world.
Asuka was walking again, no more wheelchair, no more crutches. Shinji kept an eye on her in case she fell, but she was doing fine actually. Better than fine, Asuka was almost back to her old self again.
Shinji shrugged before scrambling as Asuka suddenly tossed him a soda. He caught it, but almost dropped his bag of canned food in the process.
"Drink up, idiot" Asuka said softly. She didn't glare at him these days, didn't slap him whenever he tried to help, actually spoke to him every now and then.
Shinji watched with nervous bemused eyes as she walked on. Asuka putting the soda in the shopping cart they'd grabbed, before she pulled out a soda for herself and opened it.
He allowed himself a small laugh as Asuka took a long drink, relishing the soda for what it was. The drinks weren't all that great when warm. The power in the store had gone out long ago, but maybe it was important to hold onto the little things.
Shinji took a long drink of soda himself, wiping the small smile off his face before Asuka could see it.
I was worried she'd leave once she could walk again. But she stayed. I guess in the end, we're all each other has in this world Shinji thought. A melancholy thought in this small moment of bliss, of the simply joy of a soda.
He joined Asuka walking through the aisle of food in the store, putting more supplies into the shopping cart with her. Neither of them speaking as they quietly took what food that hadn't expired yet, relying on canned goods and carefully packaged breads.
On their way back to the apartment, Shinji noticed Asuka looking at him blankly. He turned wondering what she was thinking. She wasn't glaring at him, not really, and she was not as cold to him as she had been during those first few days after Third Impact.
Asuka looked away before he could ask what was wrong.
…
Misato's apartment.
Asuka opened the door, letting Shinji do most of the heavy lifting to get the supplies inside, before closing the door behind them. She didn't bother locking up behind them, there was no point when they were only people there.
The apartment was littered with portable generators and fuel canisters stacked against the further wall from the bedrooms. Somethings were too big to power this way, the lights in the apartment itself, but lamps could work, the refrigerator could work, and even the microwave. Power only in small bursts, and with the stockpile of fuel Shinji and Asuka had spent days taking from the abandoned stores littered throughout Tokyo-03.
I wouldn't have thought of that. She's always been smarter than me Shinji thought passing the portable generators in the corner of the kitchen. Asuka had been the one to think of that weeks and weeks ago, powering what appliances in the apartment they could.
He made them a meal with what supplies they had, the two of them eating silently.
Whatever happened to Pen Pen? Is he still out there somewhere? Shinji thought offhandedly. Glancing at the kitchen and remembering Misato's pet walking throughout the apartment.
Shinji ate alone at the table. Asuka choosing to eat in the living room a polite distance away. Things were still so confusing between them these days. They didn't really fight anymore, but they didn't exactly 'play house' together either.
He couldn't blame her. He guessed they stayed together in this apartment because there was no one else.
Night
Shinji slept in his old room, force of habit more than anything. Lying on his bed on the floor, struggling to sleep like he always did. Ever since Instrumentality he never slept well, too many images in his head. Left overs or else guilt from his many failings, he didn't know which. Visions that plagued him in his sleep.
He nearly jumped out of bed when his door opened, followed by soft footsteps.
Gah... Asuka? What the- he thought.
Asuka slumped down on the floor beside him, having brought her own small mattress with her. Lying down beside him.
"This doesn't mean anything" Asuka whispered to him in the dark.
The two of them lying in his room, each facing away from the other.
Just like before. Back when the Seventh Angel, Israfel, attacked Nerv. When Asuka and I had to pull off a synchronized assault. Shinji thought. Remembering how she had sneaked into his room to lay beside him in the dark, the pressure of the next day driving her to seek companionship. God, that seemed like a lifetime ago.
Shinji nodded, facing away from her in the dark for her sake.
"I still think you're a pervert" Asuka whispered to him coldly. Gritting her teeth as she spoke.
"... I know" Shinji whispered back softly. That was still lingering between them and maybe it always would. He didn't blame her.
"Don't make this more than it is. I'm just tired of being alone." Asuka whispered to him shakily.
You don't have to explain Asuka. I hate being all alone too. He thought. Shinji wished he could reassured her more, but he felt like anything he said would make things worse. He was never good with people.
Together they lay there in the dark of his room, the last people in all the world. So much history between them, highs and lows, shame on Shinji's part, disgust and anger on Asuka's.
When neither of them could sleep, Asuka finally spoke up.
"Today is my birthday, you know." she whispered softly into the night.
Shinji stirred at that, face hidden in the dark. Asuka determinately not looking at him, but he heard the strain in her voice. The sorrow.
" At least I think it is, the calendars are bit off since we lost track of some days after... after everything" Asuka added suddenly.
He hung his head, sighing softly, before brightening up as best he could. Putting as much joy into his voice that could, he wasn't faking it, it just took time to stop hating himself.
"Happy birthday Asuka" Shinji said sincerely.
He turned to face her in the dark, even if she didn't turn to meet his gaze. He understood, he wouldn't want to look at the boy who caused all this either.
"15 years old. Humph, never thought I'd spend a birthday like this" Asuka mused aloud in the dark.
"I'm sorry" Shinji whispered to her sadly.
"Stop. Saying. That." Asuka whispered coldly. Her back to him the entire time.
Shinji shifted uncomfortably.
It's true, I really am sorry. If I could fix things, undo everything, I would. I'd give my own arm if I had to. None of this is on you. My fault, not yours. I wish... I wish you could have lived a better life Asuka. One you deserved. Not one stuck here with me. The boy thought.
"You think anyone else will ever come back? The way we did?" Asuka whispered to him. Unable to hide the loss of hope in her voice.
"It's possible." Shinji half lied. The truth was he honestly didn't know. In the throes of Instrumentality his mother had told him that people could come back, but so far it was only them two. 133 days of being alone.
"Why didn't they came back, Shinji? Misato... Kaji... Hikari... anyone... why didn't they come back?" Asuka whispered. Her voice hiccuping as she fought the tears.
She was crying, and Shinji didn't know what to do. He only lay there in the dark with her, hanging his head low.
"Maybe they didn't want to come back. Or maybe they just didn't know how to. I- there's too much that we just don't understand." Shinji said shaking his head sadly.
He sighed, continuing "we were just kids Asuka. We were never meant for all this. Even the adults weren't meant for this. All of us, we were... we were just pawns in a bigger game. In the end everyone lost."
Asuka shook her head.
"I miss them. Misato. Kaji. Hikari. Even Rei." the girl beside him whispered as the tears slid down her face.
"I miss them too" Shinji said. Eyes lost in his sorrows before he recovered himself. Memories of his time as just a normal kid. What he wouldn't give to wake up and find all of this had been a nightmare. To wake up and see Misato again, his friends at school, to see Rei again...
"You know I never got to say goodbye to my dad. I... before I ran away... before the coma... he called me on the phone and I hung up on him. I was playing some stupid game at Hikari's house, and I just hung up on him. That- that's the last time I ever spoke with him" Asuka said. Her whispers so low that he could barely hear it. Asuka's voice trembling as she spoke.
He didn't know how long Asuka had been holding that in. Letting her sorrow bottle up until she couldn't take it anymore and the pain came gushing out all at once.
"Your parents loved you Asuka. They did. They knew you loved them too." Shinji whispered to her in the dark softly.
Your father loved you the way mine never did he thought sadly.
Asuka wiped the tears from her eyes but it was no good, she just couldn't stop. No matter what, she had loved her father. She had. And she missed him in spite of everything. Missed her mother too. Even her step-mother. Missed Kaji and Misato.
Shinji put a hand on her shoulder. Asuka flinched at the contact, before calming down once she realized Shinji was comforting her.
He let her cry silently into the pillow. Felt old tears in his eyes well up too, but he let Asuka have what she needed. He didn't whine or complain, letting her have her moment of weakness undisturbed.
Asuka reached a hand up, and took his in the dark. His hand in hers. Squeezing lightly, their fingers intertwined. Two lost souls crying silently into the night.
Next day
Afternoon
"I don't forgive you"
Shinji looked up at Asuka from the park grounds. He'd been drawing on the pavement with some chalk they'd taken from a store. Why not draw? It wasn't like there were any rules at the end of the world.
Asuka was leaning against one of the better trees still standing, one that had a little green on it, surviving in this empty world just like they were.
Shinji frowned at that, nodding his head. Asuka's words so soft that he almost hadn't heard them. He didn't know why she brought it up, he already knew that.
Asuka shifted her stance on the tree, crossing her arms, looking at him with that curious gaze of hers. Not the icy glares of old, not the judgmental eyes, something Shinji didn't have a word for.
"... okay" Shinji said softly, accepting his fate. Drawing random things on the park pavement.
Asuka signed in frustration and shook her head saying "let me finish, alright."
Shinji looked back at her to find Asuka struggling with the words. This wasn't another shouting match then, not another argument. Things had changed ever since last night, the night they never talked about.
"I don't hate you" Asuka said, getting the words out quickly. Having trouble admitting them to herself let alone to Shinji.
Shinji looked at her for a long time, before getting to his feet and turning away.
"Maybe you should hate me. For all that I've done" Shinji said flatly.
He stood there awkwardly, watching as the only other person in the world looked him over.
"Ugh! Stop that! Just stop it!" Asuka said shaking her head at him in frustration.
"Stop what-"
"That! Stop being so damn nice! So... so... understanding! I'm try to say something and you can keep doing that! It throws me off!" Asuka said in outburst. She let out a heavy breath, running a hand down her face in frustration.
"Uh, okay... I'll stop" Shinji said slowly, having no idea what she meant.
"Jeez. Whatever happened to that annoying awkward boy who couldn't talk his way out of anything" Asuka seethed more to herself than him.
I had to face myself in Instrumentality. See whom I am from the inside. That changes you... and I can't say I understand it fully either. For better or worse, I know what I am Shinji thought darkly.
He was still a kid in many ways, awkward, confused, and damaged. Perverted... he was once, but he liked to think he wasn't anymore. Shinji liked to think that maybe one day, he'd grow to stop hating himself so much.
"I don't hate you" Asuka said, taking a moment to catch her breath.
Shinji nodded. Letting Asuka take all the time she needed.
Asuka shook her head again, looking at him with uncertain eyes as she spoke.
"I don't forgive you for what you did in the hospital. For masturb- for... for doing... that. I don't know if I could ever forgive you. But I don't hate you. I... I shouldn't have been so hard on you. Alright, I'm sorry I slapped you." Asuka said. Getting the words out at long last.
She knew that he was all she had in this world. That he had been playing nurse for her all this time. 134 days in this mess, and he hadn't complained. Never even bothering to 'try' to defend himself. Accepting that what he had done was wrong and shouldering the shame in silence.
Shinji seemed to consider that. Asuka feeling her breath catch as he took in the words.
"You don't have to apologize Asuka. I forgive you" the boy said simply. And the crazy thing was... Asuka could tell he meant it.
He offered her a small smile, before letting it fade as he went back to drawing on the park pavement.
Hatred is a fire that needs kindling. Given enough time, it can fade.
After all their time together, and their talks in the park, Shinji and Asuka started to live in rhythm with one another.
The distance between them growing smaller and smaller over time. Asuka breathing easier around Shinji, the two of them approaching a glimmer of 'happiness' at the end of the world.
"You realize I did graduate university, right? I was a child prodigy remember? It's just an idea" Asuka was saying.
"I don't know anything about cars. Even if we could get one working... then what? All the roads are clogged full of abandoned cars and the highways are ruined." Shinji said thinking it over.
The both of them walking along one of the empty streets of the ghost town that was Tokyo-03. They're wore jackets they'd stolen from one of the empty stores nearby. The weather was changing as time went on, getting colder, and so they'd had to get some new clothes.
"Shinji the killjoy. It would be fun. You remember that don't you? Come on, haven't you ever wanted to drive? Ask me nicely and maybe I'll teach you" Asuka taunted him in a good spirits. Smirking her signature smirk at him.
Huh. I guess I never thought about it but Asuka passed her driving test back in the day. Benefits of being a prodigy, but she was still too young to get a license Shinji thought.
"I doubt we could get one of the cars up and running." Shinji said allowing himself a small laugh as Asuka shook her head at him.
They'd managed to do okay, all things considered, at the end of the world. But they were just kids, some things were beyond them.
Shinji looked up at the skies, marveling at the small bits of snow, actual snow, falling from above. Little spots of the white powder drizzling down on them. Not altogether unpleasant.
The Second Impact had been a cataclysm that shook the world, changing the global weather patterns and altering things in an irreversible manner. At the time, putting Japan in a period of perpetual summer.
It seemed only fitting that the Third Impact would have a similar effect. The world around them changed in ways they could not fully understand. The global weather patterns changed for a second time for all they knew.
For now it was mild. The raising cold and the appearance of snow. Shinji worried what else would come as time went by, but for now at least... he allowed himself to enjoy the change in weather.
Snow. Real snow Shinji thought.
"Shinji? Shin- Hey?! Are you even listening to me?!" Asuka said starting to get annoyed.
The boy nodded, tuning her out, and calmly replying "of course."
Asuka sighed.
Stupid Shinji, not even listening to a word I said. Just standing there with that stupid smile of his she thought. Nonetheless, feeling her lips curve into a small smile as well.
The two of them standing in the lightly snowing city. Almost like they were just regular teenagers out and about again. It was good to take a moment and enjoy the little things.
Shinji let the snow fall from his fingers, smile fading as he looked up. Suddenly... everything changed.
His eyes widened and Asuka blinked in confused.
"Something wrong?" she asked.
Shinji stood, eyes wide and transfixed on the movement up ahead among the abandoned cars on the ruined street.
"Do you see that?" Shinji said, voice shaking as he raised a finger and Asuka followed his gaze.
"I- my god... oh my god" Asuka whispered in awe, brought to a stop as Shinji had been.
There up ahead, someone was moving. Walking through the wrecked city streets, passing by the abandoned cars and shivering out in the cold.
A teenage girl walking through the ghost town. Pale white skin in stark contrast to the dark greys of the world around her, completely nude and shivering in the ever cold weather.
"Rei!" Shinji shouted breaking into a run.
The pale girl stopped in her tracks, turning with a surprised and confused expression on her face as she heard someone calling her by name.
"Shinji..." Rei whispered through the cold. The first words she had spoken since being brought back from Instrumentality.
Asuka broke into a run too, the two making a bee line for the pale girl out in the cold. Shinji already unzipping his stolen jacket as he ran through the light snow.
Shinji got there first, Rei stumbling towards him with wide eyes. Nearly falling into his arms as she shivered in the cold.
"I got you" Shinji panted, wrapping his jacket around her as best he could. The boy felt his face growing red, getting over his shock and realizing that Rei needed clothes.
Asuka slid across the snow riddled street, coming to a stop beside Shinji and Rei. The German girl stripping her jacket off and wrapping it around the freezing Rei too.
"You... you came back!" Asuka said in awe.
Rei nodding lightly, shaking as she pulled the two jackets tightly over her upper body. Legs trembling as she stood, blinking at them in just as much awe.
"I came back... I do not know how. I... how long have you been here?" Rei asked.
Shinji and Asuka exchanged a concerned look.
"One hundred and thirty five days" Asuka said.
Kind of an abrupt end I know. Other's back story is too long to fit into a single chapter.
Chapter was 'slower' and filled with smaller more personal moments at the end of the world.
This part of the story is very human. Filled with highs and lows, sorrow and glimmers of joy.
I wanted this first part of the Other Timeline to focus on Other Shinji when he was young and 'Other' Asuka.
This Shinji is still damaged but a bit changed after what he saw in Instrumentality. He's still the boy that did 'that' in the End of Evangelion. But it is 'my' version of it so things are a little bit altered for the overall story of Unravel, but I don't think too much was changed from the film's version. I wanted Other Shinji to be human, and to be human is to be flawed.
As for the Third Impact, it is incredibly difficult to explain so I instead wrote it via narration and used it as tool to explore the characterization of Other Shinji looking back on it.
There is more to Other Shinji's tale, and something I hope readers think about is just how old Other Shinji is in the current timeline with the Younger Shinji.
I am incredible nervous and excited about writing these chapters. I hope you don't hate it.
Thanks for Reading and please Review.