Edward Cullen (is also losing his mind)
Sunday, October 19, 2003
The sun was rising weakly like an elderly man trudging through his last days. But a relentless, stubborn old man, one that continues to shine on, no matter the circumstances or setting. Even in snowy places like this one.
He hated the sun.
Fully reclining on his left side, a sickly pale light rested on his face. A mirror was hung on the adjacent wall. He made the mistake of allowing his eyes to sweep over it All of his actions, both physical and mental, were quick, quick enough to stop himself, but the masochist in him must have wanted to see it. Sparkling, shimmering skin, deathly black irises. He turned fully onto his back in disgust.
The ceiling was blood red of all colors. The last color he wanted to see. Slowly, he lowered his gaze to the floor. A red and orange patterned rug lay in front of the couch he tried to rest on. But the carpet and sofa were a simple brown, but the ladies had a penchant for throwing color randomly around their giant cabin of a home. Outside, it appeared to be a commonplace dwelling the color of black tea. But this house included displayed foreign books, clothing, and trinkets, indicating the residents traveled everywhere but the moon. It included a collection of worn, beaten dark couches scattered throughout the house, and a hot pink one in the leader's quarters. It included spacious rooms, each a surprising hue that contrasted with the others. It usually included five vampires.
Hours ago, the cabin population stepped up to six. Carlisle and Emmett threw him in the backseat and sped away to Denali. Jasper, Rosalie, and Esme followed in another car, eager to help, though there really wasn't much to do for him. After a few hours, he had calmed down and insisted on getting there on foot. He'd be much faster, and besides, he wanted to be alone.
A tangle of voices, all delicate, except one baritone, floated up through the floor. On the first floor, my cousins spoke in hushed tones, which would always be pointless. From somewhere deep inside his mind, the same voices expressed their "private" notions and opinions. Tanya wanted to comfort him. Irina thought Tanya was taking advantage of Edward's "fragile" state but placidly agreed with her sister and coven leader. Kate muttered that the visiting vampire needed a kick in the pants and a shock to the skin. (Edward managed to chuckle at her daydream of chasing him back to Washington, threatening to user her gift against him.) Carmen and Eleazer tuned in and out of the blondes arguing, and mostly daydreamed about each other, as they had just made up after a recent fight. At the moment, they were the only ones vaguely aware of his telepathy so they thought in Spanish, which slowed his brain down by a fraction of a second to translate it. Still, in the end, it became a raucous composition from a small, unskilled symphony.
Instead of sinking further into the worn leather, Edward strode over to a radio across the room, resting on a tangerine table. Classical music gently played as he sat back down. Already his mind was blanking, wandering away from the careful whispers and careless thoughts. If only he could dream. Then there would be some excuse for his fantasies - of crawling out the window and getting a significant head start before they noticed he left. Of taking in deep gulps of that sweet, merciless scent and embracing his own evil. Of ripping through that tiny town, running the fragrance-lit trail towards his prey. Of inching towards her neck, prepared to end this all…
The door swung open revealing a strawberry blonde with a playful grin. "Edward," she began, walking confidently towards him. Her brain was chattering shamelessly about how good he smelled, how soft his hair would be if she -
Frustrated, he cut her off. They'd been doing this dance for years now. "I don't need any consolation, Tanya. I'll probably be out of here before the day's end."
A blade of guilt slashed through him when he saw her face fall. But one had to be firm with Tanya, or she'd go further and further with her vamping. Unfortunately for both of them, her infatuation with Edward had only strengthened over time.
Tanya was a strong person, though. How could a woman who watched her mother burn at the hands of the Volturi be anything but? She was the leader for a reason. The coy smile returned easily as she plopped down on the couch next to Edward. "Ah, I see. You're going to run around the world in a noble mission to save a human girl from the villain - yourself. What a fairytale. Prince Edward the Horrible." He tried in vain to interrupt her since he knew where this was going. "For a few years, you'll wander around, visiting the other coven, perhaps even joining a few nomads. But then, you'' grow weary, start feeling your age. The world will feel like a windowless little one-room house." Tanya clutched her heart with a fake gasp. She could have gone into acting, with her histrionics.
She continued, "And not everyone out there is pro-human life. How can you smell the human blood on your companions while you make do with a mountain lion? And the Volturi, they'' snatch you up in, I don't know, ten, twenty years?" She cradled his face in her hands. "Oh, yes, a telepath, that'd be a beautiful addition to the royal family. And you'd be so weak, so lonely, that you just might say - Edward!"
Smirking, Edward leaned back into the couch as Tanya cradled her thumb. "I know that didn't hurt. Besides, I told you, I hate people touching my face. Second, I'd never join the Volturi. Third, I did have a reasonable plan."
"And you call yourself a gentleman," she scoffed pretending to still be angry as she looked for a laceration on her fingertip that wasn't there.
"Oh, and mountain lions are the best," he added cheekily.
"Better than...her?" she teased. He could hear the concern in her thoughts, though.
"That is something I would rather not find out."
A beat of silence passed between them.
"You're a good man, Edward. Never met one of our kind who had a heart ten times better than his face. Besides Carlisle, though, but he's practically a saint."
"And a good "man", if that's what you say I am, would not tempt fate. Don't you see? If I kill this girl, I'll erase years of progress. The treaty we set with the Quileute tribe will be broken."
"I forgot about that whole business. Are there even any wolves to challenge you?"
"Wolves or no wolves, we'd have to deal with the tribe elders. Anyway, I can't murder a teenager, a girl, with a family and friends, and a long happy life ahead of her."
Tanya raised an eyebrow at him. "You've got things to live for, too."
"Not the same," he growled, glaring at the ugly brown carpet.
She recoiled slightly. Patting his knee, she stood. "Come on."
"Where are we going?" He was too consumed with his own worries to process her thoughts, but he heard the window slide open.
"To hunt, obviously. Why haven't you done that already?" Tanya grabbed his hand, pulling him up.
"Can't go out of the house and risk catching that scent."
"I forgot how dramatic you can be."
In one swift move, she'd folded his body like a briefcase and shoved him out of a second-story window. If he were still human, this would've been a horrifying moment of betrayal and shock instead of a childish trick. Being a vampire, he could savor the air curling around his limbs and compare snowflakes as they fell in the morning light. After landing on his feet, he turned to the blonde leaning out of the window.
"I trust you, Edward. We all do. It's time you trust yourself. Later, tiger." She winked a reflex after years of shameless flirting.
Edward inhaled the scent of humans down south but turned north to search for a decent-sized bear. Maybe he'd go home tonight, or tomorrow, or in a month. Maybe never. But there was no chance he'd be going back to the same life.