Leah, unraveled

Sunday, October 19, 2003

The morning began with a tragedy. Someone was burning bacon. Leah reminded herself that Alice would be unaccustomed to cooking simple meals for a very good reason - a reason Leah had tried to ignore for the few hours she (sort of) slept in the living room. (The vampire girl had offered up her bed, explaining how vampires never slept. Which made Leah had wondered what a vampire would need a bed for, until she remembered Alice was married, which made her gag. Besides, she was not going deeper into Dracula's castle.)

There was a fresh outfit laid out on the chair across from her - a navy blue sweater dress, grey leggings, and brown moccasins. Ignoring whatever mess Alice was making in the kitchen, Leah headed to what she correctly guessed to be a bathroom, since the other door was labelled as an office. In the mirror, she squinted at her unfamiliar appearance. While she wouldn't call herself vain, she'd definitely seen some better days. Her black hair was scraggly and matted from tossing and turning all night. Her grimace felt frozen on her face. Worst, her eyes were those of a rabid animal - hungry, desperate, and dangerous.

Emerging with a tight smile and sweet-selling attire, she decided to explore the house a bit. Most likely, this would be her only encounter with vampires or rich people. Portraits decorated the wall next to the piano. All of them were recent, depicting each Cullen from the shoulders up, cheesing, with a royal blue background. Yeesh, it was like a kindergarten picture day. Or more like model headshots, since each person was very attractive and had all their teeth. At the top were two photos side by side. It took Leah a minute to recognize the blond man from the forest, Dr. Cullen, looking much more tranquil than he had last night. HIs first name was indicated in small cursive at the bottom of the frame: "Carlisle". To his right was a young woman with an odd yet beautiful caramel shade to her hair. Set into round, smiling face were two golden eyes, the same as the doctor's. Her name "Esme", was at the bottom. Odd. Didn't hear names like that too often.

Underneath the man and woman were five more portraits, zoomed into the faces of Alice, Emmett, and their adopted siblings. The two sisters and three brothers each had the same bloodless skin tone and honey-hued eyes, though their features differed slightly. Leah took in the pale blonde's photograph first: "Rosalie". (These names were killing her. How old were they?) Abover her square chin was a gleaming, haughty smile. She was the prettiest person on the wall, and considering the competition, that was saying something. It hurt Leah's brain to think such a beautiful person existed so she turned to "Jasper". His honey hair matched his eyes, which were wise and intense, as if he were concentrating. Still, his smile was soft and shy, like that of a child.

They were all Cold Ones, but none of these people deserved to be on the same wall as "Edward", who she saved for last. His angular face filled her with a heap of disgust as soon as she recognized him. The crooked smile was almost cocky, as if he wanted to charm everyone. Ugh! And the hair. What color do you get when you mix clay red and dirt brown? A little voice inside whispered to calm down, that Edward was as pained as she was panicked. But the anger was almost comforting. It made her feel less like a damsel in distress and more like a vengeful warrior.

The burnt bacon smell had only grown stronger. Alice was perched on the piano bench, with a miserable looking breakfast on her lap - black strips that did not resemble any kind of meat, eggs that were so gooey and altered it was difficult to tell if she even cooked them, and...a single slice of bread.

Alice's wide eyes were trained on Edward's. "The photos were my idea. I wanted to hang our family portraits over here, all of them. We take a new one every decade. They're in the office, if you want to go see. But Carlisle pointed out that we do receive the occasional human guest, usually a doctor friend of his. So I put out our family tree. Too bad we can't draw the lines to show me and Jasper's marriage or Emmett and Rose's. Then people would be even more suspicious." She smiled sadly. "And Edward would feel a bit more alone, as much as he pretends he doesn't."

Leah nodded tiredly, staring at the egg goo.

Alice was sheepish. "Let's go get you something to eat."

A few minutes later, Leah was angrily eating breakfast in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot and ignoring her temporary vampire sort-of-friend who was painting her nails in the front seat of her neon yellow Porsche. The whole ride they had screamed at each other. Well, Leah did most of the screaming.

"You're twenty miles over the speed limit!" She'd roared for the hundredth time.

"It's a shortcut! No. One. Is. Here!" Alice had finally snapped, surging down the empty road.

"Who cares? I'm here! Are you trying to kill me?!"

"I'm the one who saved you, missy! Now quit yelling. I have advanced hearing." Her high voice was pinched with irritation.

Now Leah was sprawled out in the backseat, chomping on her glazed donut, the dessert to her breakfast sandwich.
"Hurry up," Alice said. "We have to get to the police station soon."

"Police station? Why?"

"To return you home. Did you really think I was going to just drop you off well-fed in a stranger's clothes? Your parents will be devastated once they find out you're gone. It's almost six! We need a story."

"They're going to think I'm insane. Wait, not think. Know."

"I'll sugarcoat it as much as possible, I promise."

There was no use arguing once Alice had made up her mind. She told the station she'd picked up on something on the security cameras around her house. Apparently, she found Leah in the woods with a twisted ankle. Leah backed up the story, saying she went for a walk to clear her head but tribbed over the debris.

Chief Swan was a friend of her father's, but that didn't stop him from giving her a scolding look and a terse lecture about wise decisions. Just a slap on the wrist. Little did the chief know, what Leah had encountered on her walk was punishment enough.

The girls left the station and walked over to Charlie's cop car when Alice grabbed her wrist.

"My family will be returning shortly. We'll keep the area safe as best we can, but don't do this again," she said.

"Well, that makes me feel a little better."

She caught on. "I had a vision showing Edward heading back in a few days, but that could change. No matter what, we won't let him hurt you, Leah. He won't let himself, either."

"And if he does? Or tries to? Let's not pretend that's not a likely possibility, visions or not."

"Then we'll disappear. We're very good at that."

"Hm. I noticed." Leah hesitated. "Thanks for the clothes. And food. And for killing that…"

"It was no problem. I'd appreciate if you kept last night a secret, though. Things could get complicated if everyone knew about my family."

"Ha, I've had my fill of the supernatural. Of course. Who would believe me, anyway?"

"Just be careful out there, okay?"

Leah agreed and they parted ways.

The chief was a totally different guy after hours. A little timid but very casual. Just a few weeks ago, he'd been at the Clearwater house watching baseball and drinking beer with Leah's father and Billy Black. Charlie Swan spent more time on the rez than any other non-Quileute person. He warmed up a little during the ride to the reservation. Leah answered his polite questions about her family's well-being with ease. When he tried to delve deeper into what exactly happened last night, she mumbled some nonsense about a headache. She assumed he had silently labelled her as "troubled" when he let it go.

When a police officer knocked on the front door of the Clearwater residence, no one was even up yet. Leah groaned. Oh if only Alice had simply dropped her off so she could sneak back into her room! Sue and Harry answered in their pajamas. As Charlie retold Leah's butchered, shoddy story, their expressions shifted from tired, confused, then panicked, and last, furious. On a normal day, she would have laughed at this, but it was not a normal day. So she cowered behind the cop instead.

All technology, allowances, and outings were revoked, except in special situations. ("Like the house being on fire!" her mother yelped.) This was set to last indefinitely and her parents were not gentle with the rules. ("Especially when they result in a police ride home!" her father barked.) They were scared, though, and Leah remembered their concern over her pain last night. Maybe they were right. She was going crazy over Sam. Now all she had to do was pinch herself and she'd snap out of this nightmare. Fail. Fail. Fail, fail, fail. The crook of her left arm was reddening under her brown skin when she finally gave up.

Upstairs, she flopped face-down onto her twin bed. Lovely. She would now have plenty of time to do her homework, contemplate her existence, predict the number of vampires near her home, panic over the awful-haired vampire magically obsessed with her, fret over her MIA boyfriend and try to keep all she learned about the supernatural secret.

Thank God for Nyquil.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

"Leah. Leah. Open this door now before I changed my mind."

Leah leaned over to unlock the door for her mother before flopping back other the bed. "I was sleeping," she mumbled into her pillow.

"At three in the afternoon?" She heard the clang of her pushing aside the curtains and the flutter of her opening the blinds. "Go shower. A friend's waiting for you downstairs."

"Rebecca? Brooke? Maggie?"

"Goodness, no. Those girls are turning out horrible. I do like Rebecca, but she was heading out. I invited over Rachel Black."

"Rachel?" Leah sat up. "Ugh, Mom, you know we don't hang out anymore. Why would you call her over?"

"Because she's a nice girl that was willing to take you to the mall for a little girl's day out," Sue said as she rummaged through Leah's dresser.

"This isn't preschool, Mom. You don't have You don't have pick out my clothes and set up playdates."

Her mother whirled around. "Don't I? You've been wasting away in bed for a week, acting like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders. Excuse me for wanting you to act your age instead of wandering in the woods and crying over that boy. It's like you've lost your mind over him."

"He's missing, you know that. For all we know, he's been kidnapped or he's dead. How can you be so harsh, Mom?"

"Trust me, he's fine,"she said with surprising bitterness.

"How would you know?"

Sue leaned against the dresser, rubbing her eyes. "Leah, I spoke with Allsion Uley this morning and she said -"

"What?"

"Hush. She felt rather guilty for their last conversation. They were fighting the night he left, something about his father. Allision said some hurtful words were exchanged and Sam threatened to move out. He left to "get some air", supposedly, but never came back."

That awful, stupid woman! "Doesn't add up. He wouldn't stay mad this long."

"Sweetheart, he's taken off once or twice before. And he's eighteen, with money, a car. Don't play detective. Oh, and Allison noticed something."

Leah chuckled darkly. "That's a first."

"She said he's been very...frustrated, touchy. Would you agree?"

Leah was ready to answer until she glanced at the silver bracelet on her nightstand...

It was days ago.

"I never lied! I told you I went with a friend!" she spat.

But you weren't telling the truth, either, were you?"

Sam was sweating now despite the open windows of her living room. Leah backed away until her back hit the wall.

"One more time, Leah. Why did you lie about going out with another guy?"

"It wasn't a date - we carpooled to the concert and the party with Brooke and Mark."

"So a double date, then."

She was seconds away from decking him. "We've both known Cameron for years. There is absolutely nothing between us."

"You never said he was coming, though."

"Of course I didn't. You've been so jealous lately. How can you accuse me of sneaking around? Is that how you see me?" Her voice cracked.

She looked into his cold, dark eyes. There was her answer.

"Forget it," she said. "Screw you. Screw this. Screw everything." She took off her silver bracelet and pitched it out the open window.

She looked back to see Sam's face blushing dark red. His fists and eyes were both locked tight. He breathed hard and fast, as if he'd been drowning and just came up for air. And ever so slightly, he was shaking.

In a flash, she was at his side. She touched his heated cheek. "Sam, are you okay?"

Slowly, his dark eyes opened. They were still as cold and black as before. "Yes," he said through gritted teeth.

And he left.

The next morning, a Tuesday, Leah opened her door to see him fidgeting with a bouquet of red roses, her bracelet wrapped neatly in a box, and a nervous smile. Sam asked to take her out on a special date that Saturday.

Of course she accepted.

"Leah?" Sue repeated.

"Hm." Leah was more focused on the wilting roses on the nightstand.

"You never answered my question."

"No. Sam's been fine. He's fine." The roses seemed to sag further.

It wasn't that she disliked Rachel Black. She had a uniqueness that Leah admired because most rez kids faded into the ordinariness of their home. Rachel was pretty and smart and would have been popular too if she didn't reject and diss her peers at every opportunity. One had to give her some leeway, though. Having your mother die in a car accident could mess up anyone.

But Rebecca seemed to handle it better. She still went to bonfires and parties. She still talked to others when they reached out. She still smiled.

Rachel was sprawled out on the tan leather sofa eating Sour Patch Kids. Well, if the candy fits…

She glanced up from the science documentary.

"Is that what you're wearing?" Rachel gestured to the baggy pale pink T-shirt that read "Princess" in studs and the black sweatpants. This was a compromise. No way was Leah wearing the brown turtleneck and long denim skirt her mother tried to lend her when she realized Leah had no "practical clothing for the harsh cold weather".

"I could say the same to you." And she meant it. Once upon a time, Rachel was the goddess of fashion. Dangly earrings, colorful flats and sneakers, every cut of jeans and style of skirt, all that and more was in her closet. She could even design and sew a little. Over the years, though, she seemed to put less and less effort in. But remembering who she used to be, Leah still found it weird to see her in a barf green long-sleeved shirt, a thick purple sweater vest, shapeless khakis, and clunky brown shoes.

"This is my normal. That isn't your normal." Rachel went outside to the beat-up black car on the curb.

"Well, I've changed. Like you did."

Rachel snorted.

"Whatever. It's practical. Besides, I'm getting new clothes, anyway," Leah said, sliding into the passenger seat.

"You really think we're going clothes shopping?"

Leah gaped at her. "But my mom said -"

"Yeah, yeah. 'Take my depressed daughter out! Be her BFF since everyone else is too self-absorbed to check on her.'" Rachel laughed at her pissed expression.

Leah craned her neck around to watch her house shrink away. Maybe once they hit a stop sign she could roll out the car and run.

"Seriously, though," Rachel said. "I was getting tired of watching you mope down the halls all week."

"Hooray. You do have a heart. Now take me back home."

"Nope. We're going to have fun. Just my way, not with a horde of primordial boys and their wannabe valley girls. That's more your style."

"Awesome. Let's do yours. We'll watch a documentary about diseases, then we'll organize all your old man shoes into the three primary colors: brown, grey, and black."

Rachel glanced at her and broke into snorts. Reluctantly, Leah joined in.

They ended up going to a bustling nearby city. Rachel left her car in a parking garage. Leah struggled to keep pace with her in the busy streets, especially since she would stop to longingly look at the shoe stores. Finally, Rachel stopped in front of an old brick building complete with wooden double doors.

"This is one of my favorite stores. If you say anything stupid in here, I will happily beat you to death." Rachel crossed her arms and tapped her foot, looking a bit cartoonish.

Rolling her eyes, Leah pushed past her into the store but froze after three steps. The high slanted ceilings reminded her of a rustic farmhouse. The wooden tables and bookshelves were charming in a handmade way. The lighting was warm enough to comfort visitors but not so dim as to strain everybody's eyes as they tried to read. Speeding through the aisles, Leah found every classic she ever heard of. The magazine section was a bit sparse, but she could get over it.

A little later, Leah found Rachel by the window in a mustard yellow armchair, sipping what looked like hot cocoa. A dozen books were stacked at her feet. She looked up from her copy of Frankenstein.

"Whatcha got there?" Rachel asked.

"Sense and Sensibility -"

"Well you certainly are lacking in one of those areas…"

"Animal Farm -"

"Better known as 'high school'..."

"Let me talk! And Wuthering Heights."

Rachel gave her stupid, classic snort. "That's the last thing you should be reading."

"A famous romance with ghosts and revenge. We read this last year in English. I thought it was cool."

"Um, no, it's a horrific example of two clingy drama queens mistaking insanity for love."

"Sam and I are not Heathcliff and Catherine."

"Maybe not. But you possess the inability to accept his absence."

Instead of slapping the snob out of her, Leah plopped down in the chair across from her. Stupid ex-friend nerd girl. "Thanks for zapping my good mood. I thought you were supposed to make me feel better."

Rachel didn't look up. "No, I am not supposed to make you feel better. It is your choice to feel better."

Leah studied her for a moment. Rachel had the blemish-free skin and high defined cheekbones of a beautiful teenager. Yet she dressed like a dowdy older woman slurped hot chocolate like a little kid.

"How come you don't talk to anyone anymore, Rachel?"

Her face flickered with guilt. "You, Sam, and our classmates are not everyone."

"Rebecca still hangs out with us."

"My sister and I are only physically identical."

"Of course. I guess I mean...life is short."

"I couldn't agree more. That's why I live life to the fullest."

"Huh?" Leah wasn't sure she heard her right. Did Rachel dress conservatively to prevent the discovery of her hard partying on Saturday nights?

"To you, "living" is parties, friends, and dates. Am I right?"

"Sort of," Leah admitted.

"To me, "living" is making something of yourself. A life outside of the rez. My mother dying taught me many things, but here's the most important one. You only get one life. And I'm not looking to waste it on marrying a classmate, working a part-time job, then popping out a few babies."

She was describing nearly everyone's mother. It was difficult not to be made at her. Leah said, "So you think you're too good for us?"

"Not at all. More like I want to put my focus into other things, like science, reading, studying. My mind will be my best chance out of here. So, I don't focus much on my clothes or social circle anymore. I know what I want and need to be happy."

As Rachel went back to reading, Leah continued to stare, except with envy instead of confusion. Rachel knew who she was, what was important. An outsider, but by choice, and a content one. And here Leah was, abandoned and afraid, wearing sweats with a hole in the butt covered up with a baggy T-shirt.

What. A. Loser.

Where was that cafe? Leah got up and stormed to the back of the bookstore. Maybe she wouldn't be as happy as Rachel, but she sure as hell would have a delicious drink like she did! Shamelessly, she cut in front of a mother and her toddler, a senior with a cane, a preteen clutching her little purse, and a college-age couple staring into each other's eyes. The barista, with his lanky build and blond coiffure, was certainly not ready for the furious young woman standing in front of him.

"A smoothie. Now," she demanded.

"Tracy", as his nametag said, frowned slightly. "Sorry, miss. I think we just ran out -"

"Think? Think? Did you even check?"

Tracy smiled weakly then dashed into a back room. The couple behind Leah muttered their annoyance. Leah growled at them and they jumped.

Tracy returned, wringing his hands. "W-we have a bit of orange left, miss."

"Strawberry-banana."

"What?"

"Straw. Berry. Ba. Na. Na. God, what is wrong with you?"

"I don't know." His beady eyes darted around the room for help.

"Then get me my order!"

"B-but we don't sell strawberry banana."

"Okay, you have orange but you don't sell the most common smoothie flavor ever?"

"I'm sorry!" Tracy shrieked.

"No, you're not!" she yelled.

"Don't kill me!" he cried, backing into a coffee machine.

"Raaaaaaa!" She wasn't sure what exactly she said at that moment, but it felt as though she unleashed the pain of five war-torn countries.

"Aaaaaaahhh!" Tracy threw up his skinny arms in surrender. Judging from his tears and crumpling body, he may have even wet his pants. Leah wanted to say more, but the fight in her was quickly fading away.

"Leah," a high voice chirped her name.

Alice was behind her, her arm linked with a tall, handsome man. Leah recognized him from his portrait. Jasper. He regarded her with curiosity and caution.

The petite vampire embraced her gently. "How lovely it is to see you again."

Leah was surprised that she seemed to mean it, especially since she was caught yelling at some poor barista. Maybe Rachel was onto something. She was definitely a Heathcliff. "Uh, ditto," Leah said awkwardly.

Jasper snickered.

Alice said, "Jasper this is my friend, Leah. Leah, this is my husband Jasper.

They shook hands stiffly. Leah tried not to shiver when she touched his cold skin. Alice was so friendly she barely noticed her temperature, but with a stranger it was jarring.

"It's lovely to meet you, Leah. Alice has told me a lot about you."

Nice. Alice was laughing it up with the other Cold Ones about the mental patient she had to rescue. Maybe they'd see Leah's insignificance and unleash Edward on her.

Jasper frowned suddenly. "I'll leave you ladies to catch up."

"Are you sure?" Alice asked, gripping his arm.

Her husband nodded then walked briskly out of the cafe.

When Leah returned with Alice to her former seat by the window, Rachel was gone. No worries. They irritated each other, but Rachel wasn't the type to abandon someone in a crowded city. The huge armchair practically swallowed Alice. She looked like a doll in her pink trench coat.

"Are you homeless?" She looked at Leah's clothes as if they were the cause of global warming, world hunger, and every war since the beginning of time.

"Maybe," Leah joked. "You seem to be my fairy godmother. Zap me a ball gown."

That got a laugh from her. "Me, a fairy?"

"I just can't see you drinking blood."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Alice pulled a brown paper bag out of her bulky purse and handed it to Leah.

"Lunch? Gee, thanks, Mom." But when she peeked inside she found a coffee cup. Intrigued, she took a tentative sip. "How did you know?" she gasped.

"I have connections," Alice said, tapping her temple.

Leah smiled, gulping down more of the smoothie. "Thanks, Alice. I've been feeling kind of -"

"Crazy?"

"Yes. And no one seems to get why I'm -"
"Freaking out? Overemotional?"

Leah nodded, sighing. "Alice, my boyfriend, Sam, has been missing for a week. Other people say he just ran away from home, but I know it's not that simple. Something's happened."

"I'm sorry, Leah. You really did not need this right now."

"No. But I believed you when you said your family would protect me and everyone else." Leah paused, not sure how to phrase her next question.

Alice cut in, thankfully. "Edward is back. He's fine. I think he'll get through this. Just like you will."

"He didn't…"

"No, he didn't kill anyone. We're all so relieved. And proud."

That was one weight off her shoulders. She could sleep a little easier now. Alice leaned forward to place her hand on Leah's.

"Leah," she said. "You're not going insane. Trust your intuition. It's a gift. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise." She stood and took out a business card. "Call me if you want any help with your search. We'll all be on the lookout."

"That'd be great, Alice."

"What are friends for?" The vampire shrugged.

Really, Leah could use a friend, even if she lived off of blood. All she had was a crowd of neighbors who didn't really seem to care, Rebecca who had her own problems, cousin Emily who lived on another reservation, and Rachel a pretentious nerd she currently envied. It was incredible how many people you can know and still feel lonely.

Rachel showed up then, her arms full of another dozen books.

Leah quickly introduced the girls to each other, giving vague details as to how she met Alice.

"Hello," Alice greeted excitedly.

"Hey," Rachel replied. "Nice bag. Is that Dior?"

"Yes! Good eye," said Alice, somewhat surprised, as she seemed to find Rachel's outfit even more repulsive than Leah's. Which it was.

Rachel just plopped down into her former seat and started reading.

"Call me tonight, Leah," Alice said. "It was nice meeting you, Rachel!" She disappeared quickly down an aisle as several men stared after her.

Leah looked at Rachel, amused. "You still care about fashion?"
"Not enough to put any effort into my own wardrobe. Still, for old times' sake, I do pick up a Vogue now and then."

With a scoff, Leah looked down at the cream-colored card in her hands. It read, "Alice Cullen, Stylist, Designer, Event Planner." Really, if the girl wanted to pose as a high school student, she shouldn't be carrying business cards.

Leah tucked the card into her pocket. She was too tired to read, so she simply relaxed until Rachel was ready to go. Alice and Rachel were alike in that way - at peace with their lives. Leah too would take a step towards that kind of happiness. With or without Sam by her side.