Edward, in difficulties
Thursday, October 23, 2003
He couldn't make sense of it.
He reviewed the beginning, over and over. Not when he was born or when he was reborn. No, he was not crafting a eulogy for the daydreaming youth he once was, strangled by disease. Nor did he wish to contemplate the dreary existence of the lonely creature he now was. The real beginning was when his life happened to get just a bit too complicated. The moment he encountered her.
Saturday, October 18, 2003
Most families in Washington had plain evenings that hardly differed throughout the course of their short lives. The father arrived home with kisses for his wife and children, tired from a long day's work. The mother cooked a hearty meal. The children played until night when they were shooed upstairs. Likely, this image changed in some aspects throughout the years, but never would it resemble the nights of the Cullen family. As vampires, they had eternal day, even when it was dark outside. They were free to do as they pleased until the "children" had to go to school and their "father" to work.
That night, Edward had just finished his honors geometry homework in under a minute. To prevent the scrutiny of his crabby teacher, he changed a few answers to incorrect ones. It was frustrating to complete these mind-numbing assignments only to have teachers yell at you for consistently earning perfect scores. The Cullens learned quickly how to play dumb and forget assignments.
Downstairs, the family was enjoying one of their quieter times, since most of them were too full from hunting earlier to engage in buffoonery (namely Emmett). With Edward's ears (and his mind's "ears") he was able to make out each of their activities.
Emmett was taunting Jasper, trying to goad him into a race to Port Angeles and back. Alice was shopping online while Rose red a car magazine. Esme sketched a rough draft of an elementary school, her latest project. Carlisle was in his study. Despite the little talking, voices still rang in Edward's ears:
'Poor guy's so arrogant. Maybe I can double the bet…'
'...slower than Carlisle! Can't wait to win, finally. Ha!'
'This would look perfect on Jazz. I hope he doesn't hate the…'
'Please! Some of the cars they put in here aren't even…'
'...unless the district's budget expands...have to speak with…'
'This is the third patient this week complaining of these symptoms.'
Edward sat on his black leather sofa with headphones over his ears. Progressive metal at top volume was the best for tuning everyone out. The voices began to fade away when he closed the mental door on them. For a while, it was nothing but him and his music. When he closed his eyes, he saw darkness. That is until foreign images began to develop. Normally, he would have pushed Alice's mind away, but there was danger in this vision. Someone needed help.
A girl, striding through the woods as if it were a sidewalk in the daytime. He would have sworn she was a vampire if it weren't for her slight shiver.
A thirsty vampire was in those same woods. He was headed in her direction.
Alice met Edward on the stairs. "Let's find the human girl."
"Shouldn't someone stop the nomad?"
"Carlisle will do it. He's least likely to provoke him."
Some vampires did hate being ordered. Non-vegetarians tend to be defensive and animalistic, especially loners. Carlisle knew how to be authoritative without coming across controlling. Still, Edward felt some responsibility to protect his father. "Let's go with Carlisle. I can track him easier and faster than he can. Why bother with the human at all?"
Sensing my mind was made up, Alice gave in. "Alright! Let's just not waste any time."
He left with her, Emmett, and Carlisle. As they ran through the woods, he kept his mind clear for a male voice. While most vampires depended on their advanced senses to search for people, he had the advantage of telepathy. Often, it was embarrassing to glimpse through everything running through a stranger's mind, but mind-reading was very useful in situations like these.
Though he was usually much faster than Alice and Emmett, he let them get ahead. He slowed down as he sensed thick, raspy unfinished thoughts. The predator had found human blood and it was driving him insane. Yet something else nagged at Edward, distracting him enough to slow him down a little. Concentrating harder, Edward shifted through the nomad's brain, discovering a memory.
A dark-haired vampire had a massive black wolf around the waist. Both were growling, fighting for control. At some point, the wolf slipped from his opponent's grasp and sped away. The vampire started to chase the animal, but decided against it, in favor of hunting.
A wolf that large must be a Quileute shape-shifter, transformed by the vampires' presence. Were there others waiting to attack? No, the tribe elders' wouldn't allow that. They would uphold the treaty, as promised.
Both Alice and Emmett slowed down a bit. Alice asked, "What did you hear?"
"Nothing relevant, but I think we're running out of time."
Edward passed both of his siblings, trying to make up for slowing them down. Now he tracked solely with his nose as telepathy seemed to be working as a hindrance. His muscles tensed, his eyes narrowed, and his mind cleared. He found the girl's scent now. Sweet, strong, clean, warm. Did blood always smell this beautiful? After decades of restraint, this human drew him in as if he were a newborn. Everything about it overtook him. He was now running on instinct like the beast he truly was. His throat ached. When did he last hunt? Maybe if they got rid of the nomad he could have -
Alice grabbed his arm. "What's wrong? Your eyes are black!"
He responded with snarls and hisses that seemed to be out of his control.
"Carlisle!" she called.
The older vampire caught up to the three. Without a word, he pushed Edward to the ground and pulled his arms behind his back. "Go ahead, I've got him!"
Either he was stronger than Edward thought, or maybe he was just that determined because the doctor easily overpowered him. A small part of Edward was very grateful even as he thrashed wildly like a toddler throwing a tantrum.
Still gripping his arms, Carlisle spoke again, very calmly. "Edward, I am going to let you stand now We are going to leave this area so you can clear your mind. You will not follow that girl or any other human. That is not who you are."
Carlisle pulled him up but grip tightened. Edward should have stopped breathing. As soon as his face was off the ground, he inhaled that fragrance, only a hundred times stronger. The trees, the round, Carlisle - everything was hazy, tinged with red. His arms flailed against Carlisle's resolve.
They saw her at the same time. She was cradled in Emmett's arms like a child, her face conveying her terror. Alice and Emmett were taking a roundabout way to the house to avoid Carlisle and Emmett. But she was closer now. He could get to her. He wouldn't kill his family, but he would hurt them if it came to it. Gnashing his teeth, Edward tore himself free of Carlisle and charged towards his prey.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
He hated that part. When he was dead set on killing her and was seconds from doing so, consequences be damned.
He couldn't go back to who he used to be. Not when he'd come so far.
After school, he had gone to a music shop for new CDs. Everywhere they moved, he liked to explore the local music stores to find some new artists and unusual styles since he always had more free time than your normal seventeen-year-old. Even small towns like Forks would surprise you and have an underappreciated singer or rare album. He drove home humming along to an alternative rock song.
As soon as he turned to music off in the car, Alice's high voice cut in. 'So glad she's not wearing sweats. That was hard to witness.'
He chuckled absentmindedly as he walked up the path. Alice critiqued everyone's clothes subconsciously, never with malice. She was probably watching reality television again.
'I wonder if she'll let me do her makeup.'
Wait. Who was she talking about?
He didn't have to wonder long. He caught her scent, more easily than before. It was stronger now, too, now that they were closer and out of the forest.
A quick search in his mind told him that only she and Alice were home. Alice was not nearly as strong as him. No one could stop him if he ended this then and there.
He could see her in Alice's mind - Skin like copper. Slender. Pin-straight black hair. Her thoughts were a jumbled mess of worry, grief, and irritation. She was nodding at whatever Alice was saying. It was harder to want her when he thought of her personhood, her individuality when he learned her name and heard her voice. He listened to the quiet, firm way she spoke of her beloved and of her family. And, deep down, he felt her pain, her confusion, her innocence. He could not take an innocent life.
He should have run. The ugliest, darkest moment in his life was quickly approaching him. If he wanted any chance of escaping Hades, he shouldn't take another life for the rest of his existence.
He squeezed his eyes shut. He wouldn't do this to the girl. He wouldn't break up Carlisle's family. Not today at least.
The door flung open.
He stopped breathing.
What a fool he was.
"Um, are you gonna let go of that?" said Alice.
He looked to his left and saw he was gripping the siding of the house so hard he had taken a chunk out of it. He quickly shook the smithereens out of his hand.
On the porch stood Leah, looking uncomfortable. Alice was standing in front of her, looking half-cautious, half-amused.
"What are you playing at, Alice?" he muttered.
"Excuse me? Am I not allowed guests? This is my home, too."
"Why here? Why her?" It was of no use to pretend for the human that he was polite. God knows she had already seen the worst of him.
"Alice is helping me," the girl spoke up, to his surprise. "To find a missing friend."
He hated her the second they locked eyes. For coming here. For tempting him. For hurting him.
She took a step back, put off by how threatening he looked in broad daylight. But when he listened to her mind, he was shocked by the venom, the anger that overpowered the fear. 'He's the murderer. The evil one.' Images of that night played on repeat in her head.
He couldn't be like that. He was Carlisle's son. He would be better.
"I think it's only fair to warn you I have telepathy," he said.
"Alice told me," the girl said unapologetically.
For once, he was at a loss for words.
"I'm Edward," he blurted out. Since when did he speak before thinking?
"I know," said the girl. "You wanted to kill me."
More like "want", he thinks. But there is no use saying that.
Alice piped up, "Edward, this is Leah. Leah this is Edward. Edward, I have already given Leah my word that you will not attack her again."
He nodded, solemn and ashamed. He'd apologize, but something tells him she'd only resent him further for it.
"Don't worry about it," Leah said. "It's not like you could help it." She took a deep breath. He heard her trying to find the right phrasing. "But you won't get away with that again. Vampire or not." Her eyes glittered with a fierceness he didn't know she had. Her rapid heartbeat gave away her nerves, easily, though.
He resisted the temptation to laugh at her. But needling her was another thing. "I understand."
"Good."
He smirked. "Resist walking through forests at midnight and I'll be fine."
"Do you have a monopoly over the entire state of Washington?"
"No, but most vampires don't value human life the way we do."
"Glad to hear it. I'll keep that in mind for my next evening stroll," Leah said snidely.
"You seem to attract vampires if today's any indication. Better just stay inside altogether."
"Women kept indoors. Geez, you'd fit right in with the elders," she mumbled.
"Where are you from?" He felt genuine curiosity about her now.
"Quileute rez," she said. "Why?"
And like that, the switch went off. He was both angered that he lost his chance to attack and overjoyed that he officially resolved to preserve her life. For now. He hoped.
A Quileute girl. If he harmed her, he could not hide it from the tribe, especially. If he could not hide it from the tribe, his family would suffer. Even he could not be so selfish.
He could kiss Leah Clearwater, tempting blood and all! Or really, kiss her ancestors, for signing that treaty.
'Why is he grinning like that?!' In Leah's mind, he could see how terrifying he looked, even with his technically perfect smile.
"Edward, are we done playing with our food?" Alice asked. Leah and Edward both stiffened. Not even Alice could pull off that joke.
"Sure thing, Alice," he said.
"Leah, I'll let you know if anything turns up," Alice said, walking Leah to her car.
Leah thanked her and drove off.
Edward sat on the steps. "So? Where are the others?"
Alice sat next to him. "Hiding from the big, scary human, obviously." She let him see her memories of everyone quickly excusing themselves, one after the other. "Don't worry, I gave Jasper a fair warning."
"But not me?" He was a bit hurt. Alice was one of his most trusted allies.
"No, I need -" Alice paused, before carefully shielding her mind. "I simply wanted you to meet properly, to put her mind at ease. And I thought if you were around her scent more often, you could overcome your thirst for her. It would strengthen you."
It made a bit of sense. Even though he still felt drunk on Leah Clearwater's scent and was half-considering chasing her car, he felt a little less weak. "I'd find that easier to believe Alice if you weren't guarding your visions."
She flinched. "Alright. Fair enough. But I only do it to protect you all."
"From?..."
"Getting scared of the future."
"What about that girl could scare me about my future?"
Alice shot him a pointed look.
"What?" he said.
She raised an eyebrow. "She's going to be very special to you."
"Oh. Oh no. That's sick!" Did she really think he would want to turn Leah Clearwater into a monster like him and become her mate? Simply for his own pleasure? "No. We're not soulmates, or something, Alice. I would bet on it."
"First of all, you never want to bet against me, Edward," she teased. "Second of all, don't get your hopes up. I never meant anything like that, get your mind out of the gutter."
"I wouldn't say mind was in the -"
"I'm saying, you may or may not need her, one day. So don't write her off just yet." Alice made her way towards the tree line.
"Wait," he caught up to her. "I don't hurt her. Right?"
Alice smiled softly. "Edward, I thought you decided on that a long time ago. But you can make it up to her for last weekend by helping me with a little assignment."
Edward sighed and followed her into the forest. The scent of Leah's blood was still trapped in the air around them. The bit of hope he felt earlier was being squashed by his frustration. He wanted to release Leah's hold on him so he could ignore the monster within him. And now Alice was saying their attachment would only grow. She had spoken of a mere possibility, he reminded himself. Leah Clearwater was only human, and as they were both aware, there is only so much a human can do.